The Rising
by Ellemphriem
Summary: He comes back full of pain in order to fulfil his destiny. Then he falls deep into a grey world, void of all senses. There he finds himself unable to hold onto anything...but her voice. Will that voice draw him back, and if he returns will he ever be able to rise above the conflict both inside him, and outside..will he be able to face a demanding world that asks more out of him?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

 **-This is a re-upload of an older story, which I haven't ever checked or corrected properly. Now that I have the time I decided to brush it off (as much as I can, since I am blind to my own mistakes) and to also change it back to the Mature Version with the proper rating. I had been requested the mature version once too many times.**

 **-I am a NON native English speaker. Please review politely. I will accept every constructive criticism, but not foul language.**

 **-For the ones that know the story, ignore it, unless you want to read the mature sections later on.**

 **-For the ones that don't know it already, enjoy (I hope)**

* * *

 **The Return**

* * *

Under the orange hue that covered the dirty streets of Knockturn alley, a tall dark figure walked with considerable effort in front of the strange store fronts. He was dressed in rather threadbare clothing of unrelieved darkness and his head was covered by a large dusty hood. He stopped every couple of feet to repose his tall frame upon a wall and then resumed his strenuous walk with considerable effort. His shoulders were slouched and it could be clearly seen that he had a hard time breathing. No one stopped though in Knockturn Alley. It was wise to keep walking with your head bowed low in order to keep out of trouble and this stranger looked like _trouble_. He raised his eyes and looked at the dirty street. Few wizards and witches were bypassing him in a hurry, their own appearance vouching for the dark side. He turned his head and looked at the storefront he had stopped in front off. Several dirty artefacts covered in cobwebs were on display. Amongst them mummified bats, rats and skulls of various animals. He thought he discerned a human skull at the deepest part of the shop also.

He winced closing his eyes. The pain going through his chest was getting worse causing him shortness of breath. His half open lips were trying to draw in more air than needed which was making him lightheaded. He placed his hand upon his chest and his fingers clutched his shirt trying to stop the pain. The back of his hand glistened with traces of perspiration, and a feeble trembling shook it. He felt hot and cold at the same time.

 _One two three, breathe...breathe_...he thought and wondered if his ailment would allow him to achieve his final goal, or if he was going to die right there, in front of this miserable skull shop in the middle of nowhere. His heart drummed heavily on his ears and it's pace was elevated and uneven, which was something expected in his condition.

"Get the _hell_ away from my entrance!" a voice said, and the tall man felt his heart fluttering under his skin like a frightened bird. His already shallow breathing hitched, as he groaned in pain. He felt it extending towards his back and he held the wall for dear life, trying to see the man that had addressed him.

The wizard in front of him was much shorter but he showed no fear for the tall dark stranger "I _told_ you to get the hell away from my entrance, you bloody beggar! I have had enough of your kind.. always beginning for food. Find yourself a bloody job, why don't you?" the man hollered and lifted a large broomstick with sparks of magic spewing from it's edge. Severus Snape turned away and pressed his forehead on the rough wooden surface. He nodded in accordance to the man's wishes, but it was hard for him to vocalise. He wanted to tell him that he was not there to beg for food, and that he was going to leave, if only he was allowed to catch his breath for a moment. The pain in his torso though was so bad that it forbade him the luxury of speech. He gasped and tried to concentrate on numbing it.

 _One-two-three-one-two-three..._

"Did you hear me?!" the owner yelled again and Severus felt the broomstick striking the wood just inches from his head. The pain flared up and his arm started numbing down. He wanted, he needed to move, but his body was not obeying his wishes.

 _Oh bloody hell, I am going to die here_... he thought, trying hard to control his breathing, or maybe lack thereof. He gazed from the corner of his blurry eyesight several people idly observing the show that he was unwillingly putting up for them. The last thing he needed was to have attention drawn upon him.

"I...am..." - _leaving-..._ he wanted to add, but failed as a strong coughing fit took over his laboured whispering. Cold sweat and strong shivers battered his body from all sides. He knew full well what those symptoms signified...and it wasn't trivial. If he didn't act in some manner to get disentangled from this situation he was going to die in front of this doorstep. The owner didn't seem too compassionate about his coughing bout, nor for the fact that his legs were buckling under him and that he was slowly kneeling to the ground. He still shouted for him to get away from the door and to stop begging...

 _One-two-three, one-two-three._...

Severus felt the cold stones of the gravel road cutting through the torn fabric of his trousers and winced at the fresh pain they caused him, but it mattered little to him. He had managed to reach his destination with great difficulty, through a very long and tiresome journey that had lasted for seven years and three months. And now he was close to the end of that trek and he wanted to wrap up all the loose ends. So it was very disappointing to feel his body failing him, just as he had managed to come to his final destination. He knew this was going to be the last time that his body was going to collapse, the last time it was going to bring him to his knees, but maybe that was for the best. He admitted bitterly that he would have given up his lot, to be in front of her grave and not here in the middle of nowhere, with no way of moving about.

 _I have to go to her_... he thought and pushed his power without bothering to channel it through his wand. He didn't even remember which pocket he had shoved it in and there was no time...nor ability to search for it at the moment. The only solution was wand-less magic, no matter the results. He felt his power gathering at his midsection and burning him with it's heat, but before he had the time to enjoy it for a brief moment, it shot out of him violently and spread into the atmosphere like an exploding star. He squeezed his eyes tight and hissed from the blinding pain, that coursed throughout his body. He leaned forth and placed his palms to the cold pavement in order to steady himself. He didn't see what happened, but he heard the surge of his power as it glided along the pavement, as it climbed upon the walls and covered the windows causing them to blast outwards, spreading debris everywhere.

The mayhem that followed was hard to describe, but the screams around him were hair raising. A loud stampede followed as people run away from the danger zone. The lazy sound of bending metal caught his attention and he barely had the time to cover his head before two crashes shook the ground under him. Debris shot upon his hood and back and the blinding heat of fire around him burned his cheeks and hands. Pain flared from his right shoulder and he realised with boredom that one of those flying debris embedded itself onto his skin.

Well, that piece of glass would have to do a whole lot more in order to win over his ongoing heart attack. He drew back his magic as quickly as possible and he heard a reversing sound around him. At the same moment the burning sensation seized and silence quickly reigned. He heard the crackling noise of burning wood and the smoke was heavy. He panted and opened his eyes, but his vision was a total blur. He took short quick breaths through his mouth and heard his heart drumming unsteadily on his ears.

 _In-out-in-out_... he concentrated on his usual mantra and narrowed his eyes to the store directly to his right. The rude owner was nowhere to be seen and his broomstick had been abandoned a couple of feet away from Severus's foot. He kicked it away from him and closed his eyes again in pain.

 _In-out-in-out_... ok, so his magic had managed to blow up this side of Knockturn Alley and no one was in sight, but that hadn't given him much of an advance. He was still kneeling in the middle of nowhere, unable to breathe and slowly losing consciousness, and no one was around to help him. Even though he _wanted_ neither the help nor the attention, at that moment he _needed_ them.

 _I am dying._... he thought and his left arm numbed down to the fingers. _Who am I going to call for help?_... he used his right hand to shuffle through his pockets quickly, in order to find the pain potion he had brought with him. It was his last batch and he knew that he would be unable to make any more. He had neither the facilities to work in nor the money to buy one. Besides this potion was not assisting his illness, it was just enough to keep him going. That handy potion, a fair amount of self control and his magical ability, were the three things that had enabled him to keep his anxiety under control and his heart beating.

He searched through every pocket he had in his trousers, his coat and his cloak. Quickly he did it, with trembling fingers, his left arm tangling useless by his side. In his blind haste he felt his fingers brushing with his wand and missing the grasp on it. It fell on the pavement with a sharp wooden click and his breath became sharp and raspy. His serious illness and the knowledge that he had just lost his only weapon made him edge on panic. He groaned from both pain and the need to find his wand and he fell on his hands and knees searching for it. After sometime and just as his hands has seized searching the world begun shutting down. That is when he felt a warm hand alighting upon his bicep. He raised his head with difficulty and opened his eyes. He narrowed them with a frown. There was a figure leaning over him and a voice spoke words that made no sense to his ears.

"My wand.." was all he managed and started looking for it with renewed energy, which had been provided by the unexpected appearance of this person by his side. He was not listening to what they were telling him he just concentrating on finding his wand "Please...help" he managed and then unable to keep this up, he closed his eyes and clutched his chest with his right hand. The pain coursed through his body in a hot bolt that melted him to a mere nothing. He collapsed on his elbows and started closing down. The hand upon his arm tightened and a female voice spoke this time clearly on his ear "Can you stand?"

He shook his head and pointed vaguely towards his pockets "Pain medicine...pocket...please" he mumbled. He had been reduced to begging a stranger help him take his medication, how much lower could he get? He felt the hand letting go of his upper arm and for a moment panicked that they had abandoned him to his fate. Probably also stealing his wand in the process. That is when someone lifted his head awkwardly and something cold touched his lips.

"Drink up" the same voice said with a touch of urgency. He opened his lips and obeyed without any logical reasoning left in his pain sordid mind.

As soon as he took the first sip he knew it was his pain medication and quickly gulped down the rest. He pulled his head away from the hands of salvation and closed his eyes trying to concentrate in calming down his heart and his breathing.

 _Someone helped you, now breathe in-out-in-out ..._ he got caught in his sad mantra one more time. He counted his breaths and heartbeats, tightening his hands until the knuckles turned white...He had no idea if the person that helped him was still there and he rather doubted it. Knockturn Alley was not a good place to stop and help anyone. More so the man who just blew half of it off the map. It was not a good place, neither was it dwelled by good and generous people. Therefore he had to assume that those hands of salvation belonged to a witch that took the wrong turn and ended up by mistake to this dark place, and that now she was already running away from him. As the seconds passed the pain medication started taking off the edge of his pain. The warmth begun at his lower back dissolving the pain and it licked slowly up between his shoulder blades. Soon enough the pain on his chest became almost bearable. His lungs released thus allowing him to draw in deep breaths.

 _One-two-three...that's it...one-two-three...concentrate ..._ as the pain slowly subsided and his muscles loosened, he begun the process of calming down the panic that still lingered inside his mind, in the face of his imminent demise. He opened his eyes and his vision had partly restored itself, so the first thing that registered to him was a pair of muddy boots right next to his hand. Ok, so whoever helped him was still there. As if answering his very thoughts the steady hand wrapped itself around his upper arm one more time.

"Are you feeling better?" the voice sounded calm and composed.

He nodded "Yes" and pushed himself to a kneeling position, testing how far he would get before experiencing the excruciating pain again. He felt nothing more than a numb reminder on his back and the loss of sense in his left arm. His potion had done it's job, it had managed to keep the pain in temporary limbo, allowing him to concentrate, in order to find some way to keep his body alive.

 _One-two-three-one-two-three_... _think why you came here... you know you are dying, It won't be long now. You are going to do yourself a favour because after all these years you need to rest. But not before you resolve this last thing. You are here for THE closure and you need to do it. After that go and die somewhere...Close your eyes and rest forever..Just hold on till you finish your obligations to the world._

This trek had sucked up every last ounce of his strength, but he wouldn't... couldn't let all this effort go to waste. Not when the Gods themselves deemed him worthy of the help he had just received. He had long since given up on the idea that anyone was going to help him, so this plain gesture of kindness from a complete stranger touched him deeply. As deeply as his roughly shaped personality allowed him. With every thought that occupied his mind, his breath eased out more and more and his heart slowed down. He heard the drumming retreating from his ears and the rhythm was becoming steadier gradually. The numbness on his arm still lingered though, and so did the dim pain on his back. He drew a deep breath, and felt his heart fluttering. His throat convulsed and his stomach turned making him nauseous. Besides all that he felt better, much better.

 _Maybe I will survive another day yet..._

The hand gave his arm a squeeze "Can you stand?" the same voice said. He raised his head slowly to it's source and was surprised to see a middle aged woman observing him closely. Her eyes were flickering urgently around her.

He nodded slightly and searched about in order to find some leverage to help him rise. She offered her other hand to him. He hesitantly looked at her "Feeling skittish my friend? No time for that, this in not the best place to show such weakness unless you can defend yourself and you don't look like you can..." she said and looked quickly around her one more time.

He looked at her extended hand and without any second thoughts grasped it. He was promptly pulled to his feet with surprising strength. The moment he straightened he felt dizzy, but the same hands supported him "You are in no condition to walk on your own, come with me" the woman said and tried to place her arm around his back in order to support him.

He flinched away from her, as if touched by fire "Don't touch me" he hissed. His voice sounded broken, but the tone was as commanding as ever. He pushed her away and immediately felt his knees buckling. She was next to him in the split of a second, steadying him one more time.

"What do you think you are up to? You will fall flat on your face and I can hear old Hargreaves moving in his store searching for his wand. He will come out and hex you to hell and you are in no condition to fight back. You may have blown up half this side of the road Alley, but you are one foot from death and I rather doubt you can conjure a second magical wave of this amplitude" she rationalised.

It was the biggest speech anyone had given him in months, and the only thing he could answer to it all was a rugged "My wand?" remembering that he had lost it when he was kneeling on the street. He tried to pull away from her to look for it. Before another panic attack hit him though he felt a soft poke on his chest. He looked down to see her giving him his wand. He took it and looked at her warily. No one ever helped him without wanting something in return. No one had willingly helped him since he had joined the Death Eaters. So what was her agenda...

"Now follow me!" she said and pulled him along. Temporarily abandoning the need to put up a fight he followed her dumbly through debris and fire. When they reached a door and she pushed him through it he had barely enough time to look up at the marquee that was hanging above it. It read "Card Reading and Tarot Magic".

 _Great, I fell into the lap of another Sybil_...he thought and was half pulled, half pushed inside the small store. It was ...earthly...and it smelt of incense. Filled to the brim with myriads of weird looking artefacts and decorated with heavy paintings. One rather wide old couch stood at the far corner and much closer to him were two easy chairs in front of a round table. It was draped in black velvet and a crystal ball was on it. That easy chair seemed delicious to his wobbly knees, but before he had time to ask the woman if he could take a sit, he was unceremoniously shoved into it. The thought of resistance was fleeting and weak as he fell ungraciously in it and groaned out loud in pain. He looked up to see the middle aged woman moving urgently about her store. She went to the windows and drew the curtains, and next came the door, which she locked and warded. He winced and rubbed his left arm as he leaned back at the chair's embrace. He was more than thankful for that piece of furniture being under him at that moment. The woman moved around him and called to a steep staircase "Sybil come out here for a moment if you please"

 _Sybil?..._ his eyes shot quickly towards the stairs and a strong feeling of apprehension caught up with him. The middle aged woman walked around the table and leaned towards him. She touched his left arm but before she had the time to do anything else, he pulled back quickly "I told you not to touch me" he commanded again and this time the safety of the chair under him and the lack of immediate pain, made his voice imposing.

She looked uncertain when she drew back her hand "Do you need anything to drink?" she inquired politely.

His brows furrowed slightly. He didn't _need_ anyone to be polite with him and he didn't _want_ it either, but the mere thought of water made his mouth salivate "Water ...yes" his voice crackled.

She nodded in understanding, and left him alone to scrutinise his surroundings. His eyes fell at the fire that was burning under a modest hearth, but still it was more than he had seen of _any kind of_ fire under _any kind of_ hearth since ...

 _since I left..._

He rubbed his arm and leaned his head back to the easy chair pulling his hood low upon his face. He didn't want to gamble a possible recognition from anyone. All he wanted was a glass of water and then to get out of here, in order to move towards his macabre destiny.

 _Nothing more and nothing less_...

He felt his muscles so stiff and his body so tired, that he wondered if he would manage to walk out of here once his water had been provided for. It had taken all his strength to manage to reach this destination. Apparition was not an option, therefore he was forced to take the long way round. Having no money nor valuable possessions, apart from his skills, he was reduced to walking or hitchhiking for a ride. He had used the Hogwarts Express at the last part of the trip, hidden under the train and hanging by the axles for dear life for three hours. The excessive training he had undergone with Voldemort, had helped him abide through this torture without uttering a single word. His body had failed him in the end though and his illness with the addition of his fatigue had been enough to break him in half. This day though, with the reminders of a heart attack still fresh on his body and his magical resources mostly drained he was debating an apparition. The Ministry had a trace on him and he knew that his painting at the Headmaster's office in Hogwarts was partly to blame for that. His portrait had never moved, and that could only mean two things. Either that he was still alive...

 _Just barely..._

Or that he had placed a curse on his painting to remain idle, prior death. So, his idle portrait made everyone speculate about what had truly happened to him...was he alive or not?...he may have kept himself isolated, but he still read the newspapers regularly. And his name was still selling...so using an apparition equalled getting captured by the ministry before raising his wand. Using any kind of magic had always the same level of risk. That is why he always refrained from using any, either in his work, when he found one, or on his everyday activities. The little magic he _did_ use had always been low level and practically non traceable, but that didn't come cheap because it took a lot of basic work from him, taxing his abilities.

So he had managed to go undetected all this time, but he was sure the raw force he emptied in that alley several minutes ago would blow the whistle for him. He knew he was under pursuit already but he didn't mind that. He was walking towards his demise anyway, but he was dead set to dodge them long enough to reach his destination. After that, to hell with everything. He did not return willingly to _them_...he returned to seal the doors of his past and hope for peace in death, were he couldn't have it in life.

He rubbed his shoulder and winced imperceptibly. He fingers removed without much care, a very sharp pointed object from his skin. He felt a surge of blood flowing down his arm. That accursed piece of debris had probably cut him more severely than he had first thought, but it mattered little to him.

He felt his head getting heavier by the second, and with a pang of loss he understood that he was not dying, but drifting off to sleep. Seven days of road travel, less than fifteen hours of sleep on the whole and no proper nutrition would have drawn the line for anybody...even more for someone who suffered from a severe heart condition. It didn't really matter that he was actually going to fall asleep sitting upright in a chair, inside a shop he had never seen before, surrounded by people he didn't know. He was going to do it nonetheless, and his body was not asking him for his permission.

He felt the pain in the centre of his chest subsiding even more and leaving a warm trail of numbness in it's passing. He didn't want to feel that pain anymore and he didn't want to feel hunted, so he savoured that temporary feeling of being pain free and safe. He just wanted to sleep, even if it was for a couple of minutes. His breath evened out and the incense that was burning cedar wood allowed him to relax even more. His eyes rested heavily on the fire and he looked bemused as the the bright orange tentacles leaked around the wood. A sad smile appeared on his lips...It had taken him a lifetime to appreciate the beauty of the simple things in life. His hands rested on the arms of the easy chair and his legs melted under the warmth of the fire and the smell of cedar.

He felt his eyes closing when the squeak of a door, made them fly open again. The middle aged woman was carrying a glass of water. His mouth opened up and his hand twitched in need. The thought of sleep momentarily pushed out of the way. He needed to drink this water and then leave. He had to forget about the warmth of the fire and the smell of cedar.

"There you go, can you manage?" she asked but his hand was on the glass before she managed to finish the sentence. He took it from her with a trembling hand, brought it to his mouth and drank it hungrily feeling his glands rejoicing. He moaned softly and keeping the glass tightly in his hands he closed his eyes. He wanted to keep this small vessel of pleasure close to him. Maybe if he asked politely for another glass this woman would bring him...just one more and then he would leave.

 _stop lingering fool...get the hell out of here..._ he raised his hand and offered back the glass with much regret "Thank you" he managed and tried to lift himself from the chair.

The same strong hand fell upon his shoulder and pushed him gently back "Where do you think you are going?" the woman asked.

He flinched away from her touch, but remained silent.

"Yes, you have made that point clear. I won't touch you, but you are in no state to leave. You almost fell asleep and it took me less than a minuteto get you the water. You need to rest" she said and sat across him.

He composed himself in order to answer "I appreciate your help, but I need to leave" was all he managed and he pushed himself up. The weight that fell on his legs was merciless, and he fell gracelessly back to the easy chair with a loud thumb.

"Well there you go proving my point" she said sounding almost happy. He frowned under the hood and gathering all his strength he got ready to stand up again. He had almost managed it when another door opened and a second woman came into the room. He collapsed again back in his chair, but this time it was because of the voice he heard...and it was a voice he knew very well.

"I feel him..."the eerily aloof voice whispered behind him.

 _Merlin almighty, you and all the wizards before you..._ he gasped and turned towards the source. And sure enough there she was, Sybill Trelawney. The mad looking witch with the wild hair, the weird head decorations and the huge bottle glasses, staring right _at_ him. He hissed and froze over. Forgetting his desperate need for sleep, the pain in his chest and back, the numbness of his arm and his immense thirst. What the fuck was Sybil doing in this godforsaken place in Knockturn Alley of all the places? And what kind of devilry brought her onto his path?

"What?" the other woman asked apparently confused.

"I feel _him"_ she was looking straight at him, her head jerking back and forth, her eyes huge behind those magnifying glasses. His skin crawled with apprehension. History had caught up with him...his breathing got elevated and his heart sped up. The last thing he needed to top this off was another heart attack. He inhaled and felt his heart fluttering...

 _not good..._

"Who do you feel?" the other woman asked.

Sybil tip toed and leaned close to him. He jerked back and rose quickly taking several steps back. His shock taking command over his tired legs. Sybil pointed at him and shrieked "The enemy of the _snake_ is here!" and then laughed manically. When she sobered up again she approached him quickly. He saw her long nose flaring as she was trying to...to _smell_ him.

 _uhm...ok..._

He retreated feeling the tension electrifying him. His legs were not assisting his plans.

"Leave the man alone, don't you see he is sick" the other woman reproached Sybil.

"The wizard that holds great knowledge is here, surrounded by darkness. He has to let the light take him. He has to let the sun warm up his world and dry his wings of darkness. When the time comes he will have two choices to make...earth or water?...if he chooses wisely he will rise...from the dead..." Sybil said in a frozen monotone.

 _She just made another prophecy, bloody witch..._ he thought as his hand found the handle behind his back and turned it.

"Sybil leave him alone! And _you_ come back here and sit down, your legs are trembling" the other woman said.

 _are they?..._ he thought with detachment. He had almost opened the door behind him when Sybil screeched into the night "You have finally returned! Oh, blessed Merlin!" and she run to him. The combination of her piercing voice and her sudden movement, made him sink heavily onto the floor unable to hold his weight anymore.

"Now look what you have done" the other woman said.

Sybil stopped midway and suddenly woke from her trance "What? What did I say? Who is this? Is he ok?" she asked and approached warily.

"He is at death's door, and your weird attitude is not helping him" the woman said.

"What did I do, Lina?" Sybil asked and looked at him from a respectful distance. He was panting, affected more by the weakness of his legs than from the pain on his chest. He had to admit defeat, and all thought of fleeing the shop got washed away under the shame of being unable to hold his own weight.

"You just gave out one of your infamous prophecies, and on the worst time possible. Now help me carry him back to the chair" Lina said urgently.

Sybil approached and smelled him again "He doesn't smell good" she said and paused "Nor does he look good either" she finished decisively.

This woman had always been mind boggling to him. One moment she was under his skin making life altering prophecies and the next she couldn't tell _who_ he was. He felt momentarily solaced by the knowledge that Sybil was a long way from recognising him. When Lina's hand approached his arm he flinched back. Lina withdrew her hand in hesitation "How in Merlin's beard am I going to help you back to the chair if I cannot touch you?" she asked pointedly.

He pulled himself to a standing position with great difficulty. Sybil glared at him "My, he is a dark one isn't he? He reminds me of another era many years ago...an era long gone".

 _she gives me the goosebumps ..._ he thought and carefully avoiding her gaze, he supported himself upon the furniture until he managed to grab hold of the back of the blessed easy chair. He moved around and dumbed himself in it, without uttering a word.

 _Might as well admit defeat..._ he thought dejected. His feet couldn't carry him anymore. He thrice tried to stand up and thrice failed. How was he going to go about his business?

"And he is also very taciturn...what happened?" Sybil asked and quickly sat across him, taking Lina's sit, something that made him wince.

 _I don't want that woman close to me..._

Lina returned from the kitchen, holding another glass of water. He felt his throat convulsing with the need to drink and licked his lips "I found him outside the Skull shop. He blew up a good portion of the alley. He was panting like a fish out of water, so I decided to bring him inside" she replied and offered the water to him. He reached out and rudely grabbed it. He brought it to his face and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the drink.

"Oh that's what happened...and I was wondering what that noise had been" Sybil said and turned to him "You have considerable power, don't you?" she asked.

He licked his lips and reposed his head to the back of the chair offering the glass back to Lina "What kind of questions are these for heaven's sake woman?" Lina asked and took the glass "Let the man have some rest, why don't you? I think he has heart problems" she added.

Sybil looked taken aback "Then we must take him to a hospital! We are hardly equipped to help him" she said and leaned her elbows upon the table "Maybe I can do a reading for you...see what is going on with your health?" she suggested with a smile and pointed towards the crystal ball.

He raised his hand in order to stop her, and shook his head in denial, but he didn't dare voice himself. She stood up from the chair and one more time leaned close to his face. He drew back and she smiled widely at him, making him shiver. Ever since he had been employed in that damn castle as a Professor he had found her presence eerie. Never quite reaching any level of respect from her students or her colleagues, she was always an easy target for ridicule. They rarely talked to each other back then. She had always seemed afraid of him. He on the other hand had always been _very_ apprehensive of her. She had made the prophecy that involved Harry Potter.

The prophecy that he had eavesdropped and ended in Lilly's death. A death that _he_ had brought on her by betraying the prophecy to Riddle. After that incident he had never been able to approach this weird witch ever again. He avoided her as much as possible, because her presence made him feel cornered. The school saw her as an idiot but he knew better. He had seen her aura and it was very strong. She had abilities, and the unfortunate fact was that she was not _truly aware_ of her own potential. Neither was anyone else for that matter, apart from him and Albus. So while she passed her years in blessed oblivion there had been those couple of odd moments where she shaped the world with her words. That should have been enough to unnerve even the most wise wizard, and it certainly made him jitter nervously when he was in her presence. Today sitting right there in front of her after seven years of absence was more than enough to make him _very_ uncomfortable indeed. He knew she had no way of knowing who he was, unless he spoke to her, yet that didn't make him feel more comfortable around her.

The trance that had taken over her before, had passed quickly, and as usual after that she remembered nothing. Her face though reminded him of so much and those were memories he could do without. Especially in his current unstable state. She waved, making him turn his head sharply towards her which caused his forgotten wounded shoulder to flare up in pain. Now that his heart had given him a break he was able to appreciate that wound for it's real value.

"You really _do_ remind of someone, but I cannot ...i don't seem to ...really now...it matters not" she tilted her head and smiled slightly "Never mind, Come..." she moved quickly and sat down in front of him again.

He released a breath he didn't know he had been holding...

"I _will_ do a reading for you, yes! I will help you, my friend" she said and harked, sobering up again a second later.

Lina spoke from the kitchens again "I say you leave him alone, I think he needs to sleep. He almost dozed off a couple of minutes before you came in"

"i am helping him Lina, now let's see" Sybil said and moved her hands in a elaborate pattern around the crystal ball.

He scowled deeply.

He didn't want to sit here in front of this woman. He really didn't want _Hogwarts_ revisiting him through Sybill. He just wanted to be on his way, if only his legs allowed him the luxury. The knowledge that he was temporarily safe though was starting one more time to do things to his fragile consciousness.

As the witch in front of him started chanting and the fire from the hearth warmed him up he started unwillingly to doze off again. It was something that he couldn't help, as his eyes started closing on their own volition. The smell of the cedar was once again pronounced, and just like that he slipped away from the world of consciousness, to the world of dreams. Sybil's voice penetrated his consciousness from afar "Iron gates will call on you, and you will listen to their call..." she was chanting. He didn't want to listen to her, all he wanted was to feel the heat from the fire soothe his weary bones, his legs to be spared from the merciless weight of his body, the smell of cedar to lull him to sleep and the pain on his chest almost gone. He wanted to close his eyes and to listen only to the blessed spells of sleep. Just for a moment...Only for a moment...Because when he woke up, his nightmare would begin all over again.

Surely he could be spared a few moments of peace, right? Without even thinking he spoke softly "Sybil, please shut up"...

He didn't hear the sharp inhalation that came from Sybil, as he was already gone to other worlds, temporarily peaceful ones. Something that his broken heart desperately needed in order to keep him going.

****...****


	2. Chapter 2

**12 Grimmauld Place**

* * *

Hermione sat at the edge of her couch observing Harry moving across the living room in a hurry. He reached the small wooden crib that had his initials on it, probably a heirloom from his parents and took out the baby which was crying hard enough to wake up the whole neighbourhood. She raised her hand and hid a sly smile. Harry took the baby in his arms and stroked it gently on the back.

"There, there Albus-Severus" he spoke soothingly.

This time Hermione laughed out loud. Her friend watched her warily "What?" he asked.

"Do you think it helps to call the baby that train of a name? Maybe something sorter would be more efficient?" she indicated.

At that her friend's brows knitted together and he shook his head "No way Mione, forget it. That's the baby's name and he will get used to it as time passes by" he said purposefully. She knew how important this was to him, but she couldn't help herself from voicing the ridiculousness of the situation.

"I don't mean change the baby's name Harry. I meant simply call him something sorter now that he is so young. So he can get used to his name more easily" she said carefully.

Harry looked at her "Like what? A.S.?" he asked and smirked.

She winced "How about Al?" she asked.

Harry rolled his eyes and kissed the baby that had finally given crying a break. He came to the couch and sat next to Hermione. He placed a small blanket in the curve of his arm and tucked the baby there. He wrapped the blanket around it and placed his free hand above the boy's belly. The baby immediately closed his eyes and fell asleep. Harry leaned back to the couch and closed his eyes as well "How easy it is for him to fall asleep" she commented thoughtfully.

At that Harry opened his eyes and gazed at her "You don't sleep well either" he deducted.

She shook her head and rubbed her face.

"It's still difficult you know Harry, even after all these years" she replied and felt slightly apprehensive at these thoughts; Thoughts of an era long gone, that had left so many gaping holes onto their hearts. So many people lost. She had experienced the pain dearly. They were all still trying to heal themselves. Those seven years had barely been enough for them to get over what happened during their last school year. The downfall of one of the darkest wizards of all times has taken down with him a part of them. All those deaths felt barely muted and their darkness still lay heavy around them.

She shifted uneasily on her chair and decided to lead the discussion towards safer topics. She didn't want to be dragged into another conversation of darkness and death. She had seen enough of it, felt enough of it, lived too much in it...and talked about it for too long and with far too many people. This was the beginning of a new time. A time for life to blossom and what further proof other than the baby which was been held by his father and of the older one destroying the upper floors by the sound of it. Both of them unaware of the darkness that can exist in one's soul...the darkness that can devour the world upon the bidding of a madman. She shivered "I will dare assume that your insomnia has more practical reasons Harry" she said and pointed at the baby.

Harry snickered under his breath "You might be right at that" he replied, quite relieved that they were talking about something easier "It is so hard. I mean NO one tells you beforehand that having a baby will be so hard" he asked.

"No one wants to break the carefully structured bubble of perfection that lovers create..." she asked.

Harry beamed at her "Always with the one with the cynical insight, Mione" he said.

She tilted her head in question "You think I am mistaken?"

"On the contrary, but even though it's hard, the need to procreate is also part of our DNA " he replied calmly.

She rolled her eyes "I don't believe all this hogwash! I believe the human race has evolved enough to suppress their basic instincts in the name of logical deduction. At least that is what I am doing" she replied.

"Using your famous intellect to stop you from giving in to your basic instincts?" Harry asked raising his brows.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest "Yes indeed. What do you find so peculiar in this? I am far too clever to give into the passions of the flesh and have this as a result" she said and pointed to the baby "Cute as it maybe, it is not up my road Harry and you know that. I prefer my current role in society" she added in a lighter tone.

"Don't let Ginny hear you speak like this" he said and smiled widely at her. She picked up her tea cup and enjoyed the flavour. She gazed thoughtfully outside the window of twelve Grimmauld Place. The house that his godfather Sirius Black left him was his only possession and after marrying Ginny they set out and transformed the place to a very beautiful adobe. With the additional help and constant presence of Kreacher of course who never left his master's side. It also served dutifully as a meeting place for the ever existing Order of the Phoenix, or rather whatever was left of it. She had to admit that Harry had set himself up quite nicely after the end of the war. A nice house, a beautiful wife, a very illustrious job as a Ministry Auror, two Orders of Merlin first Class and a public war hero. Couldn't get better than that could it? ...

 _Well yes it can_ ...she thought observing the little baby in his arms. He was also the proud father of two.

"I don't mean becoming a housewife as an offence Harry! It's just that I cannot let the passions of the flesh take control over me. I have other priorities" she replied drinking some tea.

"Meaning your academic carrier?" he asked caressing the boy's belly softly.

She nodded as she drank "Of course what else?" she agreed.

"But I rather thought you have succumbed the passions of the flesh with poor old Mark" he said and looked at her searchingly.

She blushed and immediately her long fingers went to her long brownish pony tail and gave it a soft caress in order to get rid of the uneasiness she felt "Well, yes I have Harry, but not the way you mean" she said.

"Mione" he raised his brow.

"I mean that of course I have passionate moments with Mark, but they are not uncontrollable...Never! Nothing is uncontrollable in my life" she said getting suddenly defensive.

"Nothing? You mean you never truly let yourself go with your man?" he asked frowning deeply.

"Of course not! Unheard off! What are you on about Harry Potter? I love Mark, but my self control is mine alone. Not another man's to command" she replied stiffly and felt her heart speeding up. Why did she mind having this conversation so much?

"He is not just any other man. He is supposed to be the one you love. The one that is about to offer you an engagement ring for Merlin's sake. The one with whom you are going to live the rest of your life and bear his children" Harry offered.

The apprehension gripped her guts so hard that it felt painful to her. She felt her cheeks blanching and forced a smile upon her lips "And what does that mean Harry? That I am suppose to let myself go into his arms and to hell with everything else? Of course not. Everything needs planning...Careful planning...Only then will life run it's course properly" she replied.

Harry raised his eyebrows but didn't speak. She felt herself the need to elaborate.

"Listen Mark is a good man..." she started but at that moment Potter stopped her.

"A good man is the grocery store owner in Diagon Alley, Mione. Not the man you are about to marry" he replied.

She stiffened "And I suppose you'd know?" she asked feeling suddenly on the defensive.

"I would never call Ginny a good woman" he rejoined.

She paused for a fraction of a second and inhaled "That doesn't mean that I love him any less Harry. Listen to me, Mark is a good man..." Harry raised his brows. She frowned "...YES, a good man and I want nothing more than that. He is quiet and undemanding. He cares for me deeply and he is patient. He respects me and treats me with equanimity. I need that smooth temper Harry in my life. After what we went through the last thing I need is someone that will give me a hard time. I need this kind of control in my life and with Mark I have it" she rebuked and placed her tea-cup at the table.

"I think you are missing the point" Harry said carefully "this loss of control you are afraid so much, is called love. It is what will make you give yourself to a man completely. It is what will lead you to this...to a justified this" he said and pointed at his son. And then he smiled and looked upwards "...or a justified that" he said and pointed up.

"James! Will you quit it up there for Merlin's shake!" he chastised.

Hermione smirked. The oldest son of Harry was indeed a troublemaker.

"Dada!" came the prompt answer.

Harry turned towards the boy in his arms and his eyes filled suddenly with unconditional love. Hermione felt a brief twitch of envy, which went away as quickly as it came.

She smiled and touched his arm "Harry you know how happy I am for you and Ginny, but don't try to project the love you two have to everyone else in your life. Not all of us have the same need" she replied calmly.

 _Right?..._

"I feel content with my life and believe me when I say I am in no hurry to become a housewife and especially a mother" she said.

"So what is wrong with being a housewife and a mother?" Ginny's voice made her look suddenly up as she opened the door. The same instant Kreacher popped in front of her.

"Mistress your coat?" he asked bluntly. That elf may have become very useful to Harry after their fifth year but he was still as raw as ever in manners. Ginny took her coat off and gave it to him. She tiptoed towards the couch and kissed Harry lightly on the lips. He caressed her hair softly and Hermione's heart melted under her controlled exterior. She couldn't have been more happy about the way Harry's life had ended. Ginny gave the baby a soft kiss before coming over to where Hermione was sitting.

"Nothing, I was just explaining to your beloved husband that it is not my cup of tea. At least for now" she replied and kissed Ginny on the cheek as the girl gave her a tight hug.

"Don't let it take too long though, the older you get the more second thoughts you will have about it" Ginny chimed happily and sat across them to an easy chair in front of the fireplace.

"If I take into consideration that Mark is trying to find a way to present me with an engagement ring I don't think it will take that long" she said a little too flamboyantly for her taste. Maybe trying to cover up the fact that every single time she discussed her possible engagement she ended up with anxiety attacks. She supposed that is how every woman about to be engaged must be feeling.

 _It's not as if I have had a great experience in this field..._

Ginny clapped her hands "Harry mentioned it. What is taking the man so long?" she asked happily. She settled back to her chair and took the offered tea cup that Kreacher gave her.

"Maybe he has second thoughts" Hermione whispered with a sly smile to Ginny, and tried not to flinch at the realisation that taking more time to think about this, was just up her comfort zone. She didn't want to discuss this with Harry and Ginny though. Not now that they were so involved in their own micro world with the baby and with James that was currently rolling down the staircase and laughing his head off.

"I think he is trying to draw up the courage to do it. He is probably afraid she will refuse him" Harry said tongue in cheek. Hermione's stomach clenched uneasily though.

Ginny smiled and smoothed down her dress. The pregnancy weight was still visible upon her figure, giving her the sweetest beauty "How is our beloved Divination Professor then?" she asked.

"Busy as always with the classes and his obligations with the Ministry. Harry is to blame you know" she said and pointed at him accusingly.

"What have I done?" the man asked raising his eyes to them.

"You are second in command of the Ministry Aurors. You could request his presence by your side less?" she asked unable to hide the hint of reproach in her voice.

Harry drew a deep breath "You know full well that Mark is working part time with us exactly because of his reading techniques. He is far superior to Trelawney" he said.

Ginny tilted her head in question.

"I see him less and less because of all these obligations" Hermione sighed.

Ginny nodded in understanding.

"Hermione I cannot reduce his hours with us" Harry apologised.

She waved him off "Don't worry about it, I was only joking" she said with half a smile.

 _Not that it bothers me much that I see him only on weekends_...she thought disturbed.

"How is everything with the school?" Ginny asked.

"Ah! you know, almost at the end of term and we are up to our necks" she replied.

"How is Minerva? I haven't seen her since the last Order meeting" Harry asked.

"She is having a difficult time. It's not easy to run the school in Dumbledore's stead and she is not getting any younger" Hermione said and looked at James who bumped upon a small side table overthrowing it. The vase crashed on the floor and the baby begun crying.

"James!" his mother said and run to his assistance "Will you be more careful please" she chastised him as Harry went towards the kitchens asking forgiveness from Hermione, in order to calm the crying bundle of nerves in his arms.

"Now look what you did! You broke your grandma's best vase and you woke up Albus!" his mother continued. James was rubbing his knee barely listening to her. He was too preoccupied observing a magical red ball that bounced just out of his reach near the window. The boy was two years old and several years later he was going to attend Hogwarts.

 _who would have ever thought that I was going to teach Harry's son one day_ ...she mused as Ginny kept chastising the boy.

She looked out the window. It was getting dark and she needed to go down to Diagon Alley this evening to buy some essentials for the school. Then she was going to return here to sleep over as in two days time there was an Order meeting. She was going to meet Mark down at the Three Broomsticks for a quick drink and then he was going to return to Hogwarts. She always found these meetings useless nowadays. They had nothing to really talk about since nothing ever happened in the magical world. Harry's job was a bit under the weather also. Unfortunately being a member of the Order, she was obliged to attend these meetings however useless they might seem to her. Minerva insisted that they kept a monthly update on all fronts. And that is what they did, all the new and old members of the Order of the Phoenix. Month after month after month. Exchanging nothing but pleasantries in the best of cases, and reminiscing on old times in the worst cases...Which happened often. Just as they started talking about old times she always found an excuse to use the bathroom, go make some tea or some triviality or another. No one ever noticed.

 _well..._ Harry may have noticed but if he had, he never mentioned it to her. Something she was entirely grateful for.

"Now have you said hello to Hermione?" Ginny asked the boy.

James rubbed his mouth and blubbered a muffled "Hi" under his breath.

"Be more polite, this woman will teach you Potions at Hogwarts" Ginny added whilst she was thoroughly brushing off his pants. Hermione smiled at how much the girl resembled her mother Molly. In appearance and in motherly manners. It felt like...

 _home..._

"Leave the boy alone, how is Molly?" she asked

Ginny sat down as James run after the ball with the same furious speed "She is trying to cope, but things have not being easy. She is somewhat better with the birth of her two grandchildren but the loss of my brothers still weighs heavily on all the family". Hermione looked at her friend. Only when Ginny was solemnly observing James running after the ball, did Hermione notice the dark shadow upon her brow.

 _the shadow of death..._

"Will she attend this meeting?" Hermione asked in a low voice.

Ginny shook her head "I don't think so Hermione. She has withdrawn completely from any social interactions. Father will be there as always and he is going to be speaking for her also"

Hermione nodded "It would have been nice to see her though" she mused out loud.

"You can go visit anytime you know. Don't stand on typicalities. The relationship between our houses was never typical" Ginny replied with a sweet smile.

Hermione rewarded that playful smile with another one of her own "I will, when and if Hogwarts and Mark allow me the time. How is Ron?" she asked "I haven't seen him since his marriage to Brown" she added and rubbed her hands together a little too pointedly. After breaking up with him, Ron didn't lose any time. He found a warm embrace in the arms of Lavender Brown and a year later they got married. She was currently expecting their first child.

 _It's as if everyone in my surroundings is...impregnated._..she thought disturbed even though it was expected as they were all in child bearing age... _time for them to move on...you are doing the same...aren't you?..._

"He is Captain of the Falmouth Falcons now as you know, big Quidditch star and all. He is always out training. Brown is always cheering him, no matter the conditions and even though her belly is becoming bigger than mine had been in either pregnancy" Ginny smiled "Ouch! Careful!" she cried grabbing James by the waist as he crashed upon her.

The boy screeched and as soon as she released him he dashed out of the room and up the stairs.

"He sounds like an elephant stampede..." Hermione mused after him.

His mother laughed heartily "You're right at that. I think he has taken after Sirius more than just his name. Oh, how I missed you. You should visit more often. If life really catches you up with kids you are going to disappear on us completely"

"Don't bet on it" Hermione said and immediately pursed her lips.

 _well that had been unexpected..._

"Don't bet on disappearing on us, or don't bet that life is going to catch you up with children?" Ginny asked.

"Both"...Hermione said and stood up abruptly "And now I have to go. I have to meet Mark at Diagon Alley. Pick up a few things, have a drink and then I'll get back here. The meeting is still tomorrow afternoon right?" she asked.

Ginny nodded but kept on looking at her thoughtfully "You sure you don't want to invite Mark for the night here? We have plenty of rooms. You will have your privacy"

Hermione shook her head "No thanks Gin, he has to mark a lot of essays. He will meet me here tomorrow afternoon and we are going to return together at Hogwarts after the meeting" she said and reached the door to grab her coat. Kreacher popped in front of her, making her heart climb up to her throat terrified "Bloody hell..." she murmured.

Ginny laughed heartily "That's punishment for not accepting to have elves serve you, now let him help you" she said as Kreacher took her coat and brought it to her. Hermione smiled kindly "Thank you" she said to the elf, who looked at her warily and then popped out of sight.

Ginny approached her and gave her a warm hug which Hermione retaliated "See you in the evening, and ask Mark if he'd like to stay for dinner tomorrow after the meeting. It'd be a nice change from the elf cooking at Hogwarts and might give us a chance to catch up with you two"

Hermione nodded "Good idea, I'll tell him. See you later" she raised her head and tried to see where Harry was "See you later Harry" she said.

He popped his head from kitchen still cradling the little baby in his arms "See you Mione, take care" he said.

"You sure you don't need anything picked up from Diagon Alley?" she asked Ginny. Her friend shook her head "We are all set, have a nice time. Say hello to Mark for us"

Hermione stepped to the street and waved at them. She walked down the steps and before her foot touched ground she disapparated, to reappear with a soft pop in the middle of Diagon Alley.

 _nice_... she thought with a smug smile. She hated apparition, but she had gotten quite good at it over the years, even though she would never be able to get used to the nauseous feeling of dissolving into thin air.

She turned her head and saw her figure at the window pane of a bookshop. She had grown into an impressive young woman. All that bushy hair and ugly teeth, needed a few adjustments. Add to that a certain height and a rather feminine figure, there you had it. She passed her hand from her long pony tail and checked her outfit. Clicked her high heels upon the road tiles, smiled at her own image and moved slowly down the road. She was about to meet Mark and although they had been together for three years now, she still needed to be presentable around him. Especially when going out for drinks.

She looked around her. It was a beautiful Spring evening, the weather was sweet and there were no clouds in the sky. The setting sun was drenching the cobblestones and the window panes of this magical Alley in warm and rich orange colours. The roads were filled with people as it was Friday afternoon and most found a chance to get away from work and to do their weekend shopping. She rather preferred the place when it was quieter, but on such a wonderful evening she couldn't think of anywhere else better to be.

 _Well maybe at the lake with Mark by my side, admiring the sunset?_... she shook her head dismissing the idea quickly. However wonderful Mark was as a man, he certainly was not a romantic soul and such escapades didn't enthral him. She didn't it mind so much though. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and walked calmly in front of Ollivander's wand shop. She stopped briefly and eyed through window. The man died in the hands of Voldemort as many others did seven years ago. The old wizard that had provided with wands thousands of wizards, from Dumbledore to Voldemort himself..dead...just like that...for nothing.

The store was now run by another wand expert going by the name of Benedict Mohani. He seemed like a good man, from an Italian origin. Hermione had seen him at work. He had been doing a great job with the store and he had been providing with wands the whole new generation of wizards that she was currently teaching at Hogwarts. But still he wasn't the famous Ollivander. Nor did he remind her of that era long ago, when she had been a child entering the awesome world of magic, and choosing her wand.

 _so many people gone...so many not worth dying._..she shivered and gathered her coat around her. She moved pensively down the street and tried to push away all these thoughts that threatened to overbalance her one more time. Images that came seemingly out of nowhere. Faces that she couldn't forget...Lupin and Tonks, Fred, George, Albus, and so many others...so many...

She moved pensively throughout her shopping, gaining more in negativity as her thoughts run to the dark sides. She chose her weekly supply of ingredients and also a lovely set of new robes. They were crimson in colour and quite revealing on the bust. She didn't think that Mark would approve. He would be somewhere along the lines "Whom are you dressing for Mione? For your students or for me? I've seen the lot of you so don't bother". She smiled despite that fact. Maybe she'd wear it in a couple of days so she'd see his reaction to it. Smiling mischievously she headed quickly towards the Three Broomsticks knowing that she was going to be slightly late. That last turn to buy the new robes stole a little of her time.

She saw him from afar waving at her from the entrance. She raised her hand and waved back happily at him.

 _yes, life is good..._

"Hello honey" she said approaching him quickly and taking him into a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her and caressed her back softly.

"Hi baby, how are you?" he asked kissing her briefly at the lips. She tasted tobacco on him and winced bothered "Been at it again? You smell..." she said reproachfully whilst caressing his short brown hair.

He adjusted his glasses and smirked "Had one drink whilst waiting for you baby, you know that it escorts firewhiskey wonderfully" he said and nuzzled near her neck.

She shivered "mmmm...well don't think that this attitude will get you out of it" she replied and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was not a very tall man even though he was standing an inch or two above her, but with the high heels she was wearing today they were almost the same height. She rather enjoyed having him on an equal basis, eye to eye. She caressed his hair and kissed him warmly on the cheek.

"What do you have there?" he asked pointing at the large bag from Fashion Witch.

She blushed and looked at him "New set of robes" she said

He rolled his eyes at that.

She stopped him sort "Come on now...don't say anything" she said a little too quickly.

He pressed her hand "Fine then, are you ready to go get something to eat. I am starving"

She smiled and got ready to follow him inside when a huge explosion made them both stop at their feet. They turned their heads to the direction of the sound. Glass breaking and heavy metal crashing followed the explosion and everyone around them exclaimed in surprise.

"What the hell?" Mark asked pressing her hand. She looked at the eastern end of the Diagon Alley. That is where the sound came from.

"Knockturn Alley, that's where it came from" a woman in front of her said and pointed towards the infamous place. Many people nodded. She did too, unwillingly.

"Hey look!" she exclaimed pointing at the place were a bright purple light appeared in the sky.

"That's a Ministerial trace" Mark said by her side.

She nodded "And a rather serious one, if I judge by the colour" she murmured feeling the little hair on the back of her neck standing on end. The trace of the Ministry of Magic shone bright for a couple of seconds more and then died down slowly.

The people around her started dispersing and getting on with business with an occasional "Knockturn Alley creeps" here and there. Skirmishes like that were usual in Knockturn Alley, but there had been many years since she heard something close to an explosion from there. Not to mention that Purple Ministerial Traces were of the highest priority. She wondered whom they were after this time. It was not as if the magical world was flooded with bad guys anymore. Even the last Death Eaters had either died or were imprisoned in Azkaban. The Voldemort era was long gone. Therefore all this made quite an impression to everyone.

She turned towards Mark "What do you think that was all about?" she asked.

He was looking at the place where the trace died down leaving only the barest purple hue in the sky. "Have no idea girl" he said solemnly "But it did seem serious. Maybe Harry will let us know tomorrow" he said and looked at her "Judging by the colour, Harry must have been called on it already. Every Purple trace passes from him" he added.

She nodded and with one last look towards Knockturn Alley she wrapped her coat around her protectively "I guess so" she murmured and followed Mark inside the pub. The sense of sharp apprehension got immediately dispersed under the loud voices.

 _maybe I can ask Harry tonight when I return home..._

*******...********


	3. Chapter 3

**Never stop running**

* * *

The sense of darkness felt oppressing and all the noises muffled up. He slowly came to his senses and felt totally disoriented. He traced under him with his hand and felt some sort of bed. He was tightly wrapped in his cloak and the used fabric scraped his fingertips as he trailed them around it. He moved his head slowly around and a wave of panic overtook him as he didn't feel the protection of his hood. His hand touched his hair and he drew himself into a foetal position. If his hood had fallen off that meant whoever saw him probably also recognised him. The fact that he was lying upon a bed and that he was covered with extra blankets meant that someone had gone through all this trouble to make him feel welcome.

 _Shouldn't that make me feel better?_...he thought quite confused.

His eyes opened slowly and fell to the crystal ball in front of him. His brows quirked and with a sinking feeling he slowly realised where he was. He had collapsed in the middle of Knockturn Alley, after he had unwisely blown off the street. Lina had rescued him and had brought him to her shop, where to his ultimate dismay, no other than Sybil Trelawney appeared out of thin air...

 _and made another bloody prophecy_ ...he shuddered unwillingly. He had to assess his situation. Time appeared to be way into the night and the shop was dark and quiet. He pushed the blanket away from his body and he slowly lifted himself using his left arm, which supported him surprisingly well. He sat up and rubbed his left forearm to check on the numbness. It felt fine.

He drew a deep breath and no pain came from his chest. He exhaled in relief and closed his eyes. At least he had survived this heart attack. He had been certain that this time would be his last and that he would die right there in the middle of the street. All these years he had survived several of these attacks. Some mild, some more severe and some almost lethal. Mostly due to his carefully brewed pain medications and also a touch of magic upon his heart, he managed to come out the other side alive. In the end though he had been unable to cure himself. Over the years he had seen his body melting under his illness. Resulting in him becoming a pouch of stretched skin, nerves and muscles...in almost constant pain. Sadly when the pain was absent the apprehension was present to fill the void. Deep fear that derived from the knowledge that even the slightest of causes would make him collapse and probably die. He had never felt so weak in his life. He had worked in espionage and had fought in wars throughout his whole life. He had always been a pillar of strength and now he was reduced to ...nothing.

Back then, at the end of the war, after Nagini cut him up, he managed to patch himself up all alone in his house at Spinner's end. Lying on the floor unable to even relieve his physical needs, he pooled in his own waste trying to get better. Crawling on all fours, to take the already made antidotes to her venom. Waiting... waiting to see if they'd work. Trying to devise tourniquets from his own clothes in order to stop the constant blood flow from his neck wound. He had managed it in the end and then he left England altogether. He moved to Ireland but had not fared better there either. Not wanting to betray his identity, he would always seek housing and a job under a hood and a fake name without proper identification. Few people accepted these conditions, so most of his adobes were second rated hostels, brothels or the street. And most of the jobs he landed were illegal or done with the minimum wage. None of them was permanent. All employers wanted to know who was working for them. The fact alone that his appearance reminded people of Voldemort's era was not helping him either, so no one was willing to employ him permanently notwithstanding his impressive skills.

No permanent job meant no permanent housing, few money and terrible living conditions. Even like that he was unwilling to betray his true identity. His decision to keep hidden from the world was unwavering after the end of the second war. He followed that rule with the huge cost of becoming poorer and sicker by the months, weeks, days and lately by the minutes. Even now that he was at the end of his tether he was unwilling to show and thus save himself. He would rather die than let people know that he was still alive.

 _barely...you are barely alive anyway_...his fingers touched his shoulder. The shirt was hard from dried blood. He pressed his hand upon his chest and breathed deeply a couple of more times. He felt rather well considering that he almost died out there a few hours ago.

 _or was it days ago?_...he looked around him. How long had he passed sleeping in Sybil's couch? He barely remembered dozing off upon the easy chair as Sybil was trying to do a reading for him in the crystal ball. She must have transformed the easy chair to a couch and covered him up in order to offer him some rest. He felt the soft traces of appreciation in his heart, in the possible recognition of his identity. Which were erased immediately under his deep scowling.

 _did I speak to her?._..he thought, but was unable to remember. Was that how she possibly recognised him? Had she removed the hood from his head, or had it slipped off whilst he was sleeping? Without wanting to risk more he pulled the hood up and pushed his rather long and unkempt hair to the back. He wanted no traces of his physical appearance to be visible.

 _better not risk anything yet, until I make sure how much they already know..._

He looked towards the door out of which Sybil had came through. It was closed and the large cuckoo clock next to it was ticking heavily. The cedar incense that had such a calming effect on him had been extinguished, but the soft smell still lingered. He pushed the warm blanket away from his body and placed his feet upon the floor. No one had tried to remove any of his garments. That could mean that his hood had slipped off on it's own, and that he was simply becoming paranoid with his assumptions. Unless he had spoken to Sybil before he fell asleep, sitting upright like a useless invalid...He was really unable to remember.

His eyes fell to the fireplace. The strong fire had died down leaving only traces of small flames that licked boringly around the broken wood. That is when he saw a small table that had been placed a few feet next to the crystal ball. It contained a tray upon which was a covered plate. Next to it was a roll of bread and a glass of orange juice.

Without warning his stomach made a vicious summersault and his mouth watered. He had been unaware how truly hungry he was until he saw food in front of him. With a trembling hand he pulled the table closer and made to uncover the plate. He stopped mid way and frowned confused. What was the issue with Lina and Sybil? How easy was it for them to house a stranger? And not only house him, but also allow him to sleep and offer him food also. His hand twitched above the plate and all thought vanished under the shameless need to eat something. The basic instincts of self preservation pushed him to uncover the plate and he saw a magically warmed plate of home made chicken porridge.

Any seconds thoughts bothering his mind up to that point vanished as his hand found the spoon and placed the first bite into his mouth. The explosion of taste made him moan out loud without even realising. The rest was simply easy to do. He stuffed himself without shame or grace the reminder of the plate. Spilling some of it on his already dirty clothes. He devoured the bread and wished for more. The last to go down was the freshly squeezed orange juice. Another moan escaped him as he placed the glass down and closed his eyes in clear satisfaction. He hadn't been this well nourished for many many days and his body relished this rare feeling. He relaxed back at the couch and took many deep breaths trying to forget that he had actually accepted the hospitality of a person that knew him. For the love of Merlin he shouldn't be enjoying the warmth of a fire and the nourishment of good food in the middle of Trelawney's store. He should have already been on his way to the hell that awaited him... and then to his death which was already caressing his back.

 _then get the fuck out of here now_...he looked towards the door. It was securely locked and his experienced eyes caught several wards around it. It was fairly easy to break through them, but that would also mean that he had to use his proper magical resources. In direct consequence the Ministerial traces would immediately flare above him. Which was not such a big issue, as he knew that yesterday his explosive show must have activated every trace the Ministry had on him. So what would another flare do? If only he could manage to slip into the shadows quickly then it would be easy for him to dodge them. He had done it many times in the past. So what was keeping him pinned upon that wicked sofa still looking at the fire and allowing himself to enjoy the warmth that the food brought to his weary bones? The fact that he could feel this peaceful after seven bloody years. With no pain, no hunger and no fear of immediate pursue. And wasn't it ironic that Trelawney made him feel this way? He laid down at the sofa again.

 _what are you doing fool?_...he thought, but he needed just one more second. Maybe one more minute to enjoy this feeling, because it was going to be his last. The moment he decided to abandon this small oasis, his hell would start over again and he was going to die very soon. He was not in a hurry to either face his hell, nor to die. He allowed himself to repose upon their sofa, even if it was something not done with full consciousness. He probably could spare himself one more minute right? All was quiet in and out of the store. Everyone was fast asleep. He wasn't really bothering them. He was just going to stay long enough to see that orange flame reach the top of that wood and then he was going to get out of here. He winced and trapped his hand under his head observing silently the flame licking the wood, thoroughly emptying his mind. Waiting patiently for the flame to reach it's destination so he could get up and walk away. And as he did the clock chimed four. The sound became muffled up in thick fog and he closed his eyes drifting off to a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

Time rolled by easily through the streets of dreamless sleep. He remained unmoving, breathing evenly, without even realising that the flame reached and passed it's destination. That the dark store and street got slowly drenched in light and that the quietness around him started dispersing under noises.

Stores opening up, merchandisers exchanging good mornings. A few hundred feet down the store, road sweeps cleaning up his mess from last evening. Magically correcting the street lights and the window panes. A few gossipers here and there discussing animatedly about what had happened yesterday. Inside the store, Lina preparing coffee and Sybil replenishing the fire and right outside a couple of official looking wizards asking around about the explosion and the description of the man that had caused it. The Skull Shop owner pointing angrily towards the very store into which Severus was peacefully sleeping in.

The two women were discussing a few feet away from him in hushed voices. His dazed brain, which was freshly awoken from the deep slumber, had a difficulty to pick up everything they said "...Seven years ago, do you understand?" that voice sounded urgent.

"I ..understand...stop repeating yourself..." the other voice more hushed.

"I mean do you understand who he is?!" the urgent voice passed slowly through to his consciousness. He winced and stirred slightly still buried more in sleep than in awareness.

"One more time, yes I do" the words clearer by the minute.

"But..." His body was trying to wake up slowly, but the sudden realisation that he had been caught slumbering upon their sofa, made him stiffen.

"Don't but me, just go and see what is going on outside" the voice he labelled as Lina commanded.

He heard quick shuffling and the shifting of air as Sybil passed him by and went to the windows.

"They're are everywhere" her voice sounded panicked and that didn't make him feel any better. His eyes opened up and he looked towards the fireplace were the flames were burning strong again. "We have to wake him up!" Sybil added more urgently than before.

"He seems awfully tired and he is also very ill. Let him be for a moment" Lina said calmly.

"You don't understand. They are looking for him...don't you realise? don't you understand who he is?" Sybil hissed.

"Yes I do! And you have told me so about a hundred times since last night. I know who he is!" Lina rejoined.

He frowned, gaining on consciousness quickly but not daring to move a muscle. He had fallen asleep again in the same fucking sofa, when he should have already been on his way. He was getting old and weak, not to mention careless. What the bloody hell was wrong with him and this attitude? He had to slowly get on his feet, offer his most sincere appreciation for their help and get out of there quickly. The fact that Sybil was pointing out one more time who he was, made things even more urgent for him. He needed to flee.

"So what are we going to do?" Sybil asked

"What do you want to do?" Lina rejoined

"Maybe we should wake him up? They have a trace on him. The street is buried in Aurors. I saw old Barker pointing towards us. They are going to come here soon asking for him. What are we going to do?" Sybil asked again and the worry was obvious in her voice.

The trace on him had flared up last night. Well, that had been expected, but the fact that there were not speaking of one Auror, but many made him have a double take around him. He sat up straight so suddenly that he felt dizzy.

His movement alerted the two women and he saw Sybil flinching momentarily away from him. Then as if regaining her composure she walked quickly towards him.

'Severus! you are finally awake!" she exclaimed.

 _stating of the bleeding obvious_...he thought dryly but didn't speak to her. Instead he stood up and walked towards the windows to see what was going on outside. When he reached them he saw what the two women were talking about. The people on the street were going on about their everyday business but an expert eye could see several officials going from door to door asking questions. And their store was next. He put his hand on the handle and gambled on opening it. Where the hell was he going to go? The moment he would walk outside they were going to be on to him. It wasn't as if he could easily blend with the crowd.

 _bloody hell..._

A hand fell on his shoulder and his hood turned sharply "Where do you think you are going? Do you want to be caught?" Lina said next to him. Voicing his own thoughts. He looked towards the back of the store.

"Is there a way out the back?" he asked and he was pleased to hear that his voice had regained full command, and also that his body seemed fit enough to travel again.

"Severus you can't leave now. They are all over the place" Sybil said coming up to him.

"Is there a way out the back?" he repeated pressingly.

But a sharp pull of Lina's hand made him look towards the door. Sure enough two officials were walking calmly towards the store front. He followed Lina at the kitchen. She pushed him to the small, crowded space "Stay here and be quiet!" she ordered and closed the door behind her. He dared not move an inch and placed his hands on the bench behind him to steady himself.

"Good morning, may we ask you a few questions about yesterday evening?" a man's voice was clearly heard. Severus frowned deeply and pushed with his hands in order to stand up. No matter the need to sit down, or drink water or do both, the need to walk to the door and place his ear to the panel was even greater. He felt like a teenager overhearing on private conversations.

"Of course do you want to come in?" Lina's voice said. She sounded calm and composed. She had taken control of the situation. Maybe it was for the best if he considered the next best option.

He heard steps walking closer to him "We are sorry to bother you this early in the morning" the same man said.

"Don't worry, may we offer you something to drink?" Lina asked and Severus unwillingly frowned. She needn't be so polite with them. Aurors didn't need politeness, they needed results and the results were in the same place with the drink she was offering.

"No thank you, now can you please tell me if you witnessed what happened last evening?" the man asked. Severus stretched his ears in order to recognise the voice but wasn't able to. This was probably a fresh batch of Aurors.

"I was home all the time, I saw nothing" Sybil said and she sounded nervous. Suddenly Severus wished for Lina to take over completely and not let Sybil speak at all.

That is what she did "My sister..." _sister?..._ his brows flew up in surprise "...had been doing research all afternoon. I was the one that saw what happened in the street" Lina replied with the same kind of steady composure.

Severus tried not think about the kinship between the two women at the moment. Other more pressing matters were at hand "So can you tell us what happened?" the man asked.

'Was walking towards Mary O'Reilly's to pick up some dry bat wings, you know. Lovely afternoon why not take the long way home, you know..." Lina started narrating very casually " ...turned the corner to the Skull Shop and oh! blimey it was a huge explosion officer!" she said raising her voice to make the effect more prominent. Severus found himself unable to stop the slight smirk that appeared on his lips upon listening to that brilliant performance.

"Yes we know. Now can you tell us what you saw?" the man was trying to bypass all the hogwash Lina was telling him and get to the point.

"What did I see? Broken glass flying everywhere, two street lamps falling down, a tremendous column of fire circulating above our heads and enveloping everything in it's heat and several people running away from the scene. Typical Knockturn Alley really...ha!" she harked at cracking a joke.

 _she is good..._

"I meant did you see anyone there?" the man sounded a little exasperated.

"I saw old Chapman who run like a scared little puppy to his shop..." she paused and Severus held his breath. The Auror held it with him " ...and of course the dark stranger that was kneeling in the middle of the street" she added casually.

"Tell me about him" the Auror's voice became clearly pressing.

"Don't know what to tell you really. He had obviously blown up the alley. Impressive magical wave that one, I have to tell you" she said.

"Yes we know, did you speak to him, have a good look at him? Do you know where he is?" the man sounded annoyed and pressing at the same time.

"How should I know where he is?" Lina offered offhandedly.

"Several people around the stores told us that you assisted him off the street" the Auror this time was accusing her and he was being blunt about it.

"Ah, yes well, I did offer him a helping hand, knowing that in Knockturn Alley no one stops to help and he did seem rather ill. Believe me old Chapman had not been nice to this man. Can't tell if the explosion was justified or not, but it was certain provoked out of him" she said carelessly.

"So you didn't lead him inside your store?"

"Of course not! I never bring strangers in my house. How absurd can you be for an Auror? Really" she sounded offended.

'All right Madame, now did you at least look at him? Can you describe him for us?" the man asked with a rather audible exhalation. He was getting nowhere and he knew it.

"Nah...Big dark hood, low upon his brow and I am not the one to draw hoods off heads you know? Wearing it probably meant that he had something to hide under there, and I have seen enough weird faces to last me a lifetime, you know...ha! Specially round here...ha!" she harked again at cracking another joke. Sybil laughed lightly by her side.

"Yes of course, but you spoke to him. What did he tell you?" the Auror asked.

don't speak about the medicine...Severus scowled deeply and felt his mouth drying.

"Ah yes, he told me not to touch him, one too many times for that matter. I led him a couple of feet down the road and then he pushed me away and left" she answered cleverly.

Severus released a breath he had been holding "But you said he looked ill disposed" the Auror retorted.

"Around here everyone looks ill disposed, haven't you noticed...ha!" she harked again. Severus's lips twitched with a prologue of a smile. That woman was gaining his admiration by the minute.

"Come on Madame, don't play around" the Auror said.

"What do you want me to tell you then? Of course he looked ill. He was kneeling in the middle of the road unable to breathe and many people have probably told you that already, but I know nothing more. He neither told me anything, nor did I observe something noteworthy about him. I helped him to his feet, tried to support him as I thought he was an invalid, but he pushed me away and then left. His robes were dirty, he smelled bad and he was very tall. That's all I noticed. All right?" she said casually.

A small pause from the other party "Very well Madame, thank you for your help" the Auror replied and footsteps were heard. They were leaving.

"What has he done then?" Lina asked and he heard the footsteps stopping.

"Nothing to concern yourselves with Madame" the man replied.

"Is he a famous villain?" Lina insisted.

Another sort pause and then "Could very well be. Thank you again Madame. Good morning ladies" he said.

"Good morning" Lina and Sybil said. The footsteps became fainter and then a door creaked and closed shut. Severus removed himself from the door and backed away feeling the drops of perspiration fresh upon his brow. That had been a dreadfully close call but Lina had handled it like a pro.

The door opened up and Lina beckoned him outside "Come it's safe now" she said. He felt a momentary hesitation and then followed her outside. That woman had saved him twice since yesterday. He owed her, big time. She backed away and stood next to Sybil.

He wondered who should make the first move. The fact that she had managed to get him out of a very tight spot twice was enough to make him wince in abandonment. Sybil was there and she knew who he was. There was really no point, was there? He removed his hood from his head and raised his eyes to the two women. Lina smiled at him and Sybil all but run to his direction with open arms and a smile wide enough to downplay her huge spectacles.

"Severus!" she cried, and left him speechless as she embraced him awkwardly. He didn't want this kind of intimacy by anyone and he was clear to show it to her immediately.

He pulled away from her and scowled deeply "Hello Sybil, now keep your hands to yourself if you please" he said solemnly.

She pulled back and rubbed the palms of her hands upon her dress "Where in the name of Merlin have you been all these years? We all thought you were dead" she said leaning closer to him to be able to see his face.

He avoided her stare "And I done you all a favor by letting you know I am alive right?" he asked sounding dry.

"You have no idea how many people have been searching for you. The turmoil that still lingers around your name...you are a big hero! How could you disappear like that?" she was pacing nervously around the living room.

"Sybil take a breather for a moment. I don't intend to stay here nor to discuss what people think of me. You were not suppose to have recognised me. Devil's luck and a little help from me, you did" ...he then turned to Lina and drew a deep breath "I have to thank you... twice, about your help at the street and this morning with the Auror, not to mention your hospitality. Thank you" he said with simplicity.

Lina smiled and waved him off "You liked the stew then I reckon?" she asked

He nodded slightly "Everything you did is solemnly appreciated, albeit not planned" he replied

"We all figured that my friend" Lina replied and offered him a sit on the sofa "Why don't you take a sit?" she asked.

He shook his head "I have to leave" he replied and walked towards the windows.

"They are still out there and they are going to remain around this area for some time. They are looking for you like crazy which is justified considering who you are. How in the name of Nimue are you going to manage an escape?" Lina became solemn.

"I asked you before, is there a way out the back?" he looked at her.

Sybil intervened "They will recognise you, they know how you look like Severus!'

"I will manage" he retorted and looked outside.

"You are rather ill aren't you?" Lina asked and she was close enough to touch him. He backed away from her and walked to the middle of the room. He didn't want anyone to linger close to him...It didn't feel right. "How are you going to manage? You almost died out there yesterday" she added.

Sybil was looking at him with apprehension "Severus what is wrong with you?" she asked.

"You have heart problems?" Lina asked.

"I cannot thank enough you for your help, now please show me the back exit" he insisted. He had to get out of here before he collapsed upon that sofa one more time. His body needed much more than one night's rest and one good meal. It needed healing or else it was not going to take him far. The distance was not the primal issue here though, the destination was and in order to reach it he had to first get out of this shop.

"All right..." Lina checked on him critically "...all right then. Sybil will you please go and fetch me our father's leather coat from his cupboard? Pick up a pair of boots also if you can, one shirt preferably not black and a pair of trousers"

Sybil nodded "Yes yes, you are right" she murmured and tiptoed up the staircase quickly.

"Our father was a rather tall fellow. Much like yourself" she smiled at him "His clothes should fit you in length, although I think they are going to be slightly large for your slim frame"...she paused again and looked at him wearily "You have been living on the rough, haven't you?" she asked.

 _you have no idea..._

'You are very perceptive for a non magical person" he answered evenly.

'Yes, you got it right" she smiled "I am a squib".

He refrained from betraying any emotions upon that revelation, but the last thing he had been expecting was to find Trelawney owning a store in Knockturn Alley, together with her squib sister. He couldn't refrain from asking the question that had been bothering him since he found Sybil here, though.

'What is Sybil doing here? Why isn't she at Hogwarts?" he asked.

Lina pursed her lips "Oh, long story, and you don't seem to have the time to spend in idle chatting" she said and offered him another smile. He looked up as Sybil came down the stairs with a bundle of clothes in her hands.

She came over and offered them to him. He didn't make a move to take them. Lina solved the awkwardness of the situation one more time with her sharp perception of how things should be handled "Take them please and go to the bathroom. Clean yourself and change. Only then is there a possibility for you to get away unnoticed. They will be looking for a dirty, smelly, tall hooded fellow with a long black cloak. You want to get out of here and make it to your destination? Go change" she said and pointed towards the bathroom.

He took the clothes hesitatingly and followed Sybil "Come, through here" she said and pointed through the door. He entered the small bathroom and closed the door behind him. He placed the clothes upon the toilet and looked at them warily. He had come to this bleeding place in order to fulfil his destiny. To say his last goodbyes and to close down the last chapter of his life. Something that befitted poetically his terminal disease. He hadn't come back to this place in order to be saved and to be fed. Nor to be allowed to sleep peacefully for once or be given clean clothes. He looked at them and he decided that he really didn't want to wear them. The problem was that as things stood at the moment, the only way to reach his destination was by using the clean clothes the sisters offered him. As Lina so sharply pointed out, the Aurors were looking for the man bearing the sad image he was seeing in the mirror at that moment. Very dirty black hooded cloak.

 _If you are going to die then you might as well do it respectably_ ...he argued with himself...

His eyes fell to his face. Hollow cheeks and deep dark circles under his haunted eyes. Thin grey skin drawn upon his cheekbones. Rather long dirty hair laying heavy with grease low below his shoulder line. Thin lips, drawn in disapproval at his image, and a brow heavy with the lines of worry from all those years of living rough. He had rarely taken care of himself in any border. Physical appearance was the last thing on his mind right now. Yet, what he saw in the mirror nettled him the wrong way.

old man...far older...beyond his true years of forty four. In magical and muggle years he should have been at the peak of his abilities. But the man staring back at him looked like he was ready to fall off the edge of the world. He closed his eyes and placed his hands to the sink in order to steady himself.

 _might as well do it_...It was useless to sit there and idly dwell on how bad he looked and how bad he felt. The process of changing and cleaning himself was a rather slow job. He felt tired very easily and he was getting out of breath with the smallest of efforts. He managed to wash his hair in the sink and dry them with a towel. He didn't try to shave the several days of stubble on his cheeks and jawline. It changed his appearance completely and that was exactly what he needed. He washed his body with soap and water in as much detail as he could and dried himself. Not even daring to think that it actually felt good, he changed to the clean white shirt and black trousers that Sybil had brought him. The length was fine but they were loose on him. He sat at the toilet and managed to put on the leather boots with considerable effort. Raising himself he tightened his belt to keep the trousers in place, took the leather coat and left the bathroom. The women were sitting in front of the crystal ball drinking tea. When he came out Sybil smiled widely at him and Lina raised her brows.

"Now that looks almost human" she commented.

He put on the leather coat which felt surprisingly heavy on his fragile shoulders. His own cloak might have been dirty but it was lighter and easier on him. How pitiful was it to debate lesser weight in order to walk with relative ease? That was probably how old men felt like. He drew his trapped hair above the coat and let them fall heavily on his shoulders. "I have to go" he said succinctly.

Sybil walked towards him and touched his arm. He drew back sharply "Don't..." he said.

She pulled her hand away "Won't you consider staying with us a couple of days more, till you are rested enough?" she asked.

He shook his head "No"

'The back door then?" Lina asked.

He nodded. She rose and walked in front of him beckoning him to follow. He did and Sybil followed behind them. They passed a small storage room and Lina pushed a wall that looked like a cupboard. It opened with a creak and fresh air came from the opening "It leads out the back of the store. They will be occupying themselves with the interviews right now, but I don't doubt there are also several agents around the alleyways" she said and opened the door completely.

He nodded "Thank you" and stepped outside feeling the morning breeze blow his wet hair, making him feel rather cold.

"I guess you know how to hide yourself. You have done so successfully for many years" Lina told him with a smirk.

He nodded "I do"

"Severus please reconsider. These Aurors? I don't think they are hunting you. They just want to find you, as we all did. All these years we didn't know if you were dead or alive. Please remain and I will help you get in contact with Hogwarts" Sybil said.

"Goodbye and thank you for everything" he said to both of them and with one last look behind him, he dashed onto the street, his hair waving freely around his face. He heard his steps clicking on the cobblestones steadily and the door closing behind him. The last blaze of warmth he had felt for many many years was closing up behind him... and ahead lay his cold destiny. His last road...to oblivion...

* * *

 **A/N: I am not re-writing this I am proof reading it chapter to chapter, so if you see anything noteworthy I missed, please tell me. Thank you**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Order of the Phoenix**

* * *

Hermione shuffled her feet impatiently as she waited for the water.

"Biscuit?" Ginny passed her a tray.

Hermione shook her head "Nope"

Ginny moved around the long table placing a biscuit next to each cup and arranging the silverware. Kreacher was assisting her grumpily but she needed his help, since they were getting ready for the official meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Up till that moment only the Weasley seniors had arrived together with Ron who had been occupying his nephew James for the last hour with magical painting tricks. Mrs. Molly Weasley was not going to attend the meeting, but she was going to take care of her grandchildren for the day. So Hermione and Ginny took it upon themselves to take care of all the small details before the other members arrived.

"Did you talk to Harry at all when he returned?" Hermione asked.

She had arrived at the Potter house rather late, and Harry as expected had already been called away on duty. Hermione described to Ginny what happened in Knockturn Alley and that the Ministerial Trace had been purple, which worried her a lot. Unfortunately though, Ginny knew nothing. She said that about the same time that the flare went off, Harry got his official call. So, the girls had no idea what took place last evening at that shady part of the city.

"No, he came in very late, and I was asleep. He left first thing this morning before I woke up so he gave me no chance to catch up with him. I suppose that whatever happened in Knockturn Alley must have been very serious indeed, but don't worry Hermione. He will be here in a short while for the meeting and we will know then" Ginny took the kettle from Hermione's hand and placed it at the middle of the table. She threw in it several tea bags and placed a warming spell "Mark is late also, isn't he?" she mentioned casually.

Hermione gently removed a few locks from het temple "He is always marking essays. That small teaching obligation simply devours him and I find it rather disturbing".

Ginny shook her head "Did you find a chance to speak with my mother?' she asked.

"No, not really. I think she avoids me. She immediately got involved with her grandchildren after arrival and I didn't want to bother her" Hermione explained. She sat at a chair and gathered her legs under her, thankful that she was wearing jeans today.

"Whatcha thinking?" Ron said coming in.

She looked up from her nail picking and blushed "I am thinking that I want to get over this boring meeting and then get out of here..." she turned towards Ginny "No offence love..."

"None taken" Ginny snorted.

"Boring indeed! I have no idea why we keep having these meetings. No real use for them anymore is there? I mean there isn't a wisp of threat in the air. But no, instead of letting me pass time with Lavender, who is as big as a mountain right now and boiling with uncontrollable hormones, you have to drag me all the way down to this bloody place" he said grumpily.

Hermione giggled "I swear you have become almost a grumpy old man Ronald. Did married life change you that much? The meeting will last for a couple of hours and then we will all return back to our precious life. I I have better things to do also you know" she said.

Ginny smiled "And I havemore to do than both of you combined and I am still not complaining" she added.

"You don't have to worry about me learning my lesson about how difficult it is to raise kids, I am right behind you little sis" Ron smirked smugly and grabbed a couple of biscuits from the tray "How 'bout you 'Mione? When are we going to hear the news of your marriage?" he asked.

She choked on her tea and spilled some of it on her jeans "Ron for fuck's sake" she muttered. She picked up a napkin and begun cleaning her crotch and giving Ron lethal glares.

Ginny smiled knowingly "What did I say?" Ron asked raising his hands in defence.

"Wrong question brother, that particular subject doesn't sit very well with her" Ginny said.

That is when the door knocked and Ginny went towards the entrance "They are here, shape up. You Ron stop picking at the biscuit tray, and you Hermione stop looking at your crotch! It's fine" she said.

At that moment several voices came in from the hallway as Kreacher opened the doors.

"What is she talking about Mione?" Ron asked.

"Maybe we can talk later" she said a little to eager to get rid of this conversation and went to greet Mark.

Minerva was the first to enter and she was followed closely by Filius Flitwick and Pomona Sprout. Mark came close behind and greeted Ginny cordially, and Neville followed him. Soon enough the antechamber of the house got filled with dull discussions about the weather. Hermione smiled and went towards them, followed closely by Ron.

"Good afternoon Minerva" she said and hugged her mentor. The old witch greeted her with a soft embrace "Hello honey, everything ok?" she asked.

"Yes, everything is well" she said and then smiled past Minerva "Good afternoon Neville"

"Hello Hermione, it is a rather blustery day today" he said smoothing down his hair. He had grown from an awkward little boy, to a rather awkward tall apprentice of Herbology.

 _Some things never change..._ Hermione smiled widely and waved "Hello Filius, Hello Pomona"

"Hello dearest" Pomona shook her hand in affection.

"The wind today is phenomenal, haven't seen such a thing in many years" Flitwick mumbled, passing her by.

And then Hermione was embraced tenderly from behind and a soft kiss was placed softly upon her neck "Hello honey"

She turned around and rested her arms on his shoulders "Hello" she replied and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"Missed me?" he asked and nuzzled his nose on hers.

She nodded and caressed the back of his neck "Is it as bad outside as they make it out to be?" she asked daring a peek above his shoulder as the door was closing. She saw debris flying past.

"Yes" he nodded and took her hand. She followed him into the meeting room were everyone was slowly taking a sit. On the way to her own chair, she managed to greet the rest of the members. Including Luna Lovegood who insisted that they allow the Umgubular Slashkilte inside the house. She declared that it needed protection from the strong wind, which was very stressful to it. Hermione took a sit next to Mark never forgetting that they were missing the most important member of Order.

"Harry? Where is Harry?" she asked.

Minerva settled her papers upon the desk "Mr. Potter will be here shortly Hermione, Ministry affairs" she replied calmly.

She nodded and relaxed back to her chair, taking the tea that Kreacher offered her. "Won't you have any?" she asked upon seeing Mark denying his own cup.

"No, I need to get this over with and get back to Hogwarts" he said in a hushed tone.

"What's up?" she asked.

"You have no idea how much grading I still have to do Hermione" he said

She felt her mouth twitching angrily "Wait a minute! You told me that we were going to stay here for dinner tonight" she hissed, and tried _hard_ not to sound accusing.

He drew a deep breath "Slight miscalculation honey, and I am sorry, but I _have_ to finish the papers by tomorrow. What would you have me do?"

"Plan on it ahead perhaps? Not making me promise Ginny that we would stay for dinner after the meeting maybe?" she was getting really angry with him.

"Hermione, I made a mistake alright? What's so serious about this? We have done dinner with Harry and Ginny a million times. Missing one of them cannot be such a bad thing" he became solemn.

"Ginny spent half the afternoon cooking for us you know" she pressed.

"And you have done the same for them many times over, and Harry cancelled, have you forgotten?" he retorted.

"Yes, because of Ministry affairs" she retorted

"So he cancelled dinner in order to do his job. I am doing the same" he rebuked.

"Unfair comparison..." she started but he stopped her short.

"What is unfair in that comparison? Isn't a Professor's job as important as an Auror's?" he turned around to face her fully.

 _oh...damn you..._

"All right, you want to cancel? Do so for yourself because I am staying. I am not having my best friend cook for me all afternoon and then abandon her the last moment" she threw back at him and crossed her arms stubbornly.

He straightened "Very well if that is your wish"

"I do" her succinct answer.

He silently observed around the table, with a calculated stance of apathy, but Hermione knew better when she saw his pointer finger drumming the surface of the table.

 _He is angry..._ she thought and debated if she should place her hand upon his knee in order to calm him down. Then she remembered that it was him that fucked this up for her today, and she opted on stubbornness instead. She was going to remain for dinner alone and she was going to return equally alone at Hogwarts. No matter how much this nettled her she was not going to make things easy for him...No...

"Very well, good evening ladies and gentlemen. I welcome you to the last meeting of the Order of the Phoenix before the summer vacation" Minerva said and placed her hands evenly upon her papers "We have a member missing, but we will begin without him and hope that he will arrive soon" she said.

Hermione didn't unfold her hands from her chest and Mark kept drumming his finger on the table as Minerva begun talking about typical Order issues. She barely heard what Minerva was saying and what Neville's insight was, or what weird comment Luna was making. All the time she was thinking how Mark managed to make her look like a fool in front of Ginny and for something as trivial as marking papers. As if she didn't have any markings to do. She was a Professor also, but she had changed her own schedule many times over in order to accommodate him. Rarely had he done so for her though...

 _don't be unfair..._

Well he had changed his schedule in a couple of occasions but most of the times it was her shifting her own priorities around. She had every right getting mad at him and judging by his attitude this moment there would be no cuddling in bed later. So, well...so be it then!

On top of everything else her worry for Harry still lingered. She couldn't help to think that this unscheduled delay had something or maybe everything to do with the event that took place in Knockturn Alley last evening. The Aurors didn't have a lot to do these days and Harry was mainly left to his own devices. So he passed most of his days at home. He was going to work in the morning to report and get updated and after noon he was mostly free. So missing for a night was unusual for Aurors these days. She fidgeted on her chair, fuelled abundantly by her worry about her friend, and from her anger about her boyfriend. She stayed there with her arms crossed not even touching her tea, when the door opened up and Harry walked in.

"Good evening" he said and moved to take his place. Ginny rose immediately to greet him, but his posture was withdrawn and distant. He looked terribly tired and pale and his eyes were red.

"Good evening Harry" Minerva replied thoughtfully.

Hermione straightened upon her chair "Harry are you alright?" she asked, her voice clearly troubled.

No one else spoke in the meeting room, but Harry didn't speak either. He shed off his coat slowly and left it at the back of his chair. He passed his hands from his wet hair and took out his glasses.

"Harry?" she leaned forth in expectation.

He pressed the bridge of his nose between his fingers and winced "I am all right" he said, but he certainly didn't sound like it and she frowned deeply.

"What happened Harry?" Minerva asked, now taking turns with Hermione. It was pretty clear that nothing was all right. And everything about the way he looked and acted declared that things were far from normal this evening.

He supported his head on his hand and looked around the table heavily "I have to talk to you" he said solemnly. It was as if the whole room stood up straight upon hearing these words. She felt her back stiffening. What can be serious enough to make Harry look like he's seen a bloody ghost?

"Does this have to do with the explosion that took place yesterday?" Ginny touched his hand with obvious worry. At that moment Mr. Weasley entered and stood by the door crossing his arms in front of his chest. His face was drawn and very solemn. It was obvious that he knew what was happening...

"Harry?" Hermione asked again "Mr. Weasley? Someone speak...what is going on?". Mark shifted uneasily by her side.

Harry took a deep breath and looked at Mr. Weasley who lowered his head and looked at the floor.

 _what the fuck is wrong?..._ she looked critically from one man to the other. Minerva spoke instead of her "Will either of you speak or will we have to take it out of you by force?" she asked.

Harry looked around the table and raised his brows "Yesterday something very serious happened. Something that made the Ministry stand on attention" he started. No one in the room dared to move or speak. She held her breath also.

"I don't know how many of you have heard the news, or read the newspapers, but an explosion took place in a part of Knockturn Alley yesterday evening. Not a usual event especially these days" he said.

"Mark and I were in Diagon Alley when the explosion took place, we heard it" she said and looked around the table.

Harry observed her closely and she saw a haunted shadow passing from his tired eyes. He nodded "Yes, it would have been hardly missed if you were that close. It was not trivial" he agreed.

"What was it?" Minerva asked.

He raised his brows "It was a magical discharge actually, brute force, not wielded through a wand and what have you. Such an exhibit as you very well know is difficult to control. As a result it blasted away a building block creating a fiery tornado that almost sucked everything to ashes. We are thankful not to have suffered any victims, as it was Friday evening and on those days Knockturn is as crowded as Diagon is"

"How? What happened?" Minerva asked.

Harry pursed his lips and passed his hand from his forehead "That is a question yet left unanswered. We have been going through every store in the area asking questions and no one seems to know anything of particular importance. There are few people telling us that the explosion had been thoroughly provoked, but we cannot be sure yet" he replied.

"That is why you have been missing all night?" Ginny asked as if that reason was not enough for him to be away from his family. And Hermione agreed with her on that accord. There is more to this...

 _isn't there?..._

"The explosion was not trivial on it's own matter" Harry and took a brief moment to gather his thoughts. He drew a deep breath and looked around "That is not why the Ministry has dispatched almost half the force at Knockturn Alley" he said and stopped again. Obviously whatever this was, it was rather hard on him.

"Half the force?" Minerva seemed moonstruck "Such a movement from the Ministry hadn't taken place in years" she said.

"In _seven_ years to be precise" he replied and looked at Mr. Weasley who frowned and looked towards his boots again.

"Why so many Aurors?" Hermione asked feeling her breath catching.

He tilted his head to the side and pierced her with his haunted eyes "They are looking for the man that caused the explosion" he said. The room shifted uneasily one more time, and a strong wave of tension passed through all of them.

Hermione asked almost in a whisper "Do we know who he is?"

Harry closed his eyes and passed his hand from his face. Ginny touched his arm and pressed it warmly. "In Hogwarts in your office Minerva, there stands a painting of a Headmaster that never actually moved, isn't that right?" he asked slowly, keeping his eyes on the Headmistress.

Minerva's mouth dropped open but she didn't reply. Harry gazed at Minerva steadily "Only two possible reasons can sabotage a painting to remain still. One, is that the painting has been cursed to remain idle" he said. Minerva nodded.

Hermione nodded also feeling numbness covering her fingertips " How about the second reason?" it was Neville that made the uncomfortable question that lingered in everyone's minds.

Harry pierced him "Second, that the Headmaster depicted in that painting is possibly still alive" he said. No one dared move a muscle as Harry continued solemnly "The Ministry has placed a trace on that Headmaster when they failed to find his body in order to bring it to burial. That trace had been dead for seven consecutive years" he said.

"Until now" Hermione murmured, shivers running up and down her spine.

Harry nodded "Until now"

"Severus?" Minerva asked breathless.

Harry nodded "The purple trace that got activated yesterday was _him_. He is alive" he paused then, letting them take in the information. Still no one moved in the room, most faces stood in clear sock and several mouths were dropped open.

"Severus Snape is alive" he said finally. The silence remained total and the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Merlin almighty..." Hermione barely whispered, and she felt Mark taking her hand in his. She didn't react at all to him, her eyes remained glued on Harry and on his haunted countenance so justified in the new light of things.

Everyone was looking timidly at the person sitting next to them. All of them expecting some reaction, but none initiating one. Someone _had_ to say something, but no one dared. Hermione's ears focused sharply on the ticking of the large wooden clock behind Minerva.

 _tick tock_...no one spoke...she swallowed a dry throat and tried to catch Harry's eyes. He had them lowered to the surface of the table and Ginny was caressing his back softly. Minerva had her hand over her mouth and her eyes closed in clear shock.

 _tick tock...someone speak for hell's shake..._ she thought and the ticking of the clock was multiplied by the silence in the room. She wanted someone to do something but she was unwilling to be that person.

A pen rolled boringly off the table and clicked upon the wooden floor making her jitter nervously. A strong shudder run down her back... _bloody hell I am going to give myself a heart attack..._ she thought and closed her eyes. Mark leaned close to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked as quietly as possible. She nodded and saw Neville picking up his pen from the floor and sitting down visibly embarrassed for breaking the ominous silence. He offered an explanatory smile and tried to become invisible again.

"Ahem..." Minerva coughed and Hermione felt her skin crawling. The old witch watered her lips and looked around the room "...Uhm...these are very important news indeed, for _all_ the magical world". She was clearly trying to bring the room back on focus, but she was in no better state either.

"That's a huge understatement" Neville muttered. Hermione looked at him sharply. He withdrew upon himself and looked towards his hands again probably regretting for drawing attention one more time.

Minerva thoroughly ignored him "Any clues as to what he was doing here Harry?" she asked.

"And also why you have so many Aurors after him?" she asked and immediately regretted it.

"So they can get his autograph?" Harry bit angrily.

 _that stings..._

"Harry look, I can _maybe_ understand what this means to you. Hell, it means a lot to me also..." she looked around the table "...to all of us. To all of us that survived that war seven years ago, but please don't bite. I don't mean any harm you know" she said and suddenly her eyes filled with tears. She didn't know if it was because of the irony in Harry's voice, because of the news, the general tension and her skirmish with Mark or all of them combined, but she felt rather emotional at that moment. She bit back the tears and drew a deep breath keeping her eyes on her friend.

Ginny shook her head as if to tell Hermione not to mind Harry at the moment "I am sorry Hermione" he said, putting on his glasses again. He drew a deep breath "We are trying very hard to find him, but don't forget who he is. On top of all his impressive magical skills, he was also working in espionage for fifteen years in the worst working conditions possible. If anybody knows how to hide and dodge Aurors then that's him" he replied slightly more collected that he was a few minutes ago. Then looked at Mr. Weasley "Right, Arthur? You knew him far better than any of us ever did. You and Minerva" Harry said and Hermione caught the slight traces of regret in his voice. And she knew exactly where they were coming from.

Arthur nodded, his face solemn and drawn "Severus was a very private man and due to his role in the last war he was even more withdrawn and unapproachable. If he had decided to let us believe him as dead for seven years, then that means that he seriously doesn't want to be found. He most certainly doesn't want to come in contact with us. In all probability what happened at Knockturn Alley was done in the spur of the moment and it was not very well thought. Taking into consideration _who_ that man is, meaning that he is the last man on earth to do something spontaneous, leads me to believe that he might not be very well. The Auror reports agree as many witnesses said that he looked ill disposed. I believe that this possible illness can be our ally in having a slim chance of catching up with him" he said pointedly.

"In short we might have a chance to get him because he is sick?" Luna asked calmly. Hermione looked at her and Luna was the only one still smiling. The aloofness of that girl always managed to make her go haywire.

"It means that he _might_ become careless again, and that's all we need him to do" Harry said.

"Gods, it sounds like you are _after_ him, not _searching_ for him" Hermione sounded accusing and she couldn't help it. She saw the hurt in Harry's eyes and she immediately regretted her tone.

"Hermione we _need_ to find him" he said.

She pursed her lips "Why?" she asked no omitting to _feel_ the gravity of what she was suggesting.

"What the hell are you saying?" this time Harry flared up.

"If he doesn't want to be found, and the Ministry holds nothing against him, then why do you insist on finding him? Maybe we should grant him some space, you know? Hasn't he been through enough for all of us these years? Why must we forcibly _mount_ him again?" she asked and looked around. Several eyes avoided her stare, but Harry's didn't.

"You don't understand Hermione, it's very important that he be found" Harry's voice became low and pained.

"Why?" she couldn't help but insist.

"Do you understand _who_ he is and the dept every person sitting in this meeting, or the magical world has on him? How can you be so distant? We owe everyone ...to find him!" Harry growled.

 _Oh Harry..._

"Maybe then we should pay him our respects according to his wishes. Mainly by leaving him alone" she muttered feeling her heart twitching painfully at Harry's reaction. She understood clearly that this was very personal to him. It was not that the _world_ wanted to find Snape, it was that _Harry_ did. And he was so justified...

"Hermione, we can't just let this go. We need to get in contact with him even if it is brief. I understand where Harry is coming from. I am with you my boy, what can we do to help with the search?" she asked dismissing a frowning Hermione.

"Thank you Minerva..." Harry looked around the table "... be on the lookout everyone. For anything, for any sign of him, for even the smallest detail. Whatever it is that brought him here must have been serious indeed If he chose to expose himself after seven years. If we are to get a hold of him we have to move fast and stealthily. Even though he is older than he used to be and probably sick, we cannot downplay his true potential. He is one of the most powerful and clever wizards of our days" Harry said and frowned. This was the first time, since breaking the news to them, that Harry had regained his colour and seemed sharply focused.

Hermione withdrew in on herself. She didn't want to partake in this. Snape meant a lot to her, especially after she found out what his true role in the war had been. After seeing his memories on Harry's pensive... _those memories..._ had forever burned new pathways in her brain.

Nevertheless, she also knew how to respect one's privacy. If that man disappeared willingly from the world for seven years then he seriously didn't want to be found and they were not respecting him. Mark leaned again towards her "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Later" she hissed.

"Can you believe who assisted him and led him away after the explosion? Lina! Sybil Trelawney's sister!" Harry was whispering to Minerva. The rest of the room was filled hushed discussions, still quite numb from the news.

 _Sybil ?..._ she frowned.

"What does Lina have to do with all of this?" Minerva asked Arthur who was still standing by the door.

"She was the one that reached him first. Their store is a couple of buildings away from the area" he replied, raising his shoulders casually.

"Have you talked to Sybil?" Minerva asked.

"Of course and to Lina, but there was no information available from them. We don't know if they recognised him. Sybil was oblivious..." Minerva interrupted him "Never mind Sybil, it's Lina who is the brains of the family..."

Harry nodded and continued 'Yes of course...Lina said she couldn't see his face at all and his voice ..well she doesn't know him well enough to recognise him from that. She said that she lead him a couple of steps down the road, when he suddenly pushed her off and left. That was all, and it was not much help really. We had him in our hands and we lost him" Harry said dejected.

"That sounds like a chase. Hermione is right" Ron spoke for the first time since they gathered. Hermione raised her head and offered him a thankful smile which he saw and retaliated.

"I am _not_ going to get into this argument with _you_ this time Ron. The Ministry, not me, the _Ministry_ has placed a purple trace on this man and it is officially active. My job is to find him, and I am going to do my best, no...i am going to _outdo_ my best to assist this search. Anyone has a problem with that?" Harry asked flaring up.

"I have a problem with that" Hermione said.

"Me too" Ron added. She glanced at him.

"Very well then, you can leave this meeting" Harry said standing up.

Hermione stood up likewise "Very well!" she retorted.

Ron didn't move "Sit down Harry and you too Hermione. All that we are saying is that you make this whole thing sound like you are on the tail of a convict. Let us not forget that we are talking about a war hero. You could sound slightly more polite in this quest of yours. And yes, we all know what this means to you" Ron said calmly.

Mark pulled Hermione from the arm. She sat down unwillingly piercing Harry with a deadly stare "Look I am sorry...all of you, I am really sorry. I am very tired and this situation has been rather unexpected and very difficult to handle. I should retire for the rest of the meeting" he said and looked at Minerva who sat impassively throughout the skirmish between the three friends.

"The news we learned this evening were not easy on anyone and their gravity is taking it's rightful toll upon each person differently. I think it would be wiser for all if we called off this meeting and returned to our respectful adobes. The Ministry has taken over this and whoever wishes can assist them. Those in objection have the right _not_ to partake in this search. As is, I think we all have had enough for one evening, don't you think?" she asked looking around. Everyone nodded numbly, but no one spoke.

Minerva was the first to stand up "I _have_ to go back at the school to speak with Albus" she said more to herself than to anyone else. In an afterthought she looked around "Anyone want to join me?"

Flitwick, Sprout and Neville all stood up and followed her out of the study, all the while discussing in low voices. Mark stood up also and she looked at him "Where do you think you are going?" she asked.

"Back at Hogwarts, I told you that I have a lot of grading to do" he said. She stood up and approached him.

"Do you understand the importance of the news we just heard? Do you understand about _whom_ we are talking about?" she asked feeling traces of anger burning inside her chest.

"I may have not partaken in that war Hermione, but I know full well who Severus Snape is and what he has done. You can hardly be a wizard and not know him" he replied defensively.

"And you still wanna go home and grade?" she asked, with a strained voice.

"You heard what the Headmistress said. The Ministry is on the case, what do I have to do with all this?" he asked dryly.

This sudden change of attitude from him nettled her a great deal "You can be an asshole and on your way Mark, or you can stay with me and be sympathetic. I need to talk about all this" she said buttoning up.

"Hermione what good will it do to discuss all this? We have no idea where he is, or if we are ever going to find him. Shouldn't we be leaving this to the professionals, like Harry? If Snape is ever found then we can sit down and have any discussion your little heart might desire" he said and looked fleetingly towards the door where Minerva and the others were leaving "Wait Minerva I am coming" he called raising his arm to them.

Hermione's eyes clouded but he didn't see that "Very well, see you later Mark" she said coldly and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He leaned over and placed a kiss upon her lips, but she didn't respond at all. "There's my girl! See you later" he said and waved at them.

She didn't answer. She remained there by the door with Ginny, Harry and Ron. When the door closed up behind Luna, Harry immediately offered his goodnight in the general direction, turned on his heels and rode the staircase to the upper floors quickly. He didn't even go to greet his children in the living room. Hermione looked at Ginny "Maybe I should leave" she offered.

Ginny took her hand and pulled her towards the dining room "Don't mind his rudeness Hermione. He just needs to rest and mull over what happened. Don't worry" she said. The moment they entered the room Molly quickly excused herself and went up the stairs with her grandchildren. Hermione mused behind them. Well, the climate in the house was _freezing_ wasn't it?

"I really don't think Mark observed the thunders that are falling above your head" Ron said as he came up behind the two women.

She snorted "No, shouldn't you be going home to take care of Lavender and her pregnant hormones?"

He smiled "I think I'll stay for a while. Sister and friend in need, you know" he said and indicated the two girls.

"You don't have to remain Ron, go home" Ginny said and sat down on the large couch with an audible exhalation of relief. Hermione joined her and Ron took his sit by her side "No, no I insist to honour you with my breathtaking presence" he smirked at them. Hermione felt her lips breaking on a genuine smile for maybe the first time since this morning.

Four hours later found her walking thoughtfully towards the main gates of Hogwarts. She needed the fresh night air to calm her spirits and the short walk felt like a blessing. After the egotistical attitude that Mark showed towards her, she needed all the balance she could get in order to face him again. She winced at her own thoughts and pulled her coat tightly around her body. After she, Ginny and Ron sat down to dinner their spirits calmed quickly and they found themselves quietly discussing about Severus Snape. The thing that she remembered most about the conversation was when Ginny asked her "Don't you want him to be found then, Hermione? In all honesty, I do"

She didn't have to think long before answering "Listen Ginny, I respect Snape to the outmost. Do I want him to be found? If he doesn't want to be found ...then no. In short I want, what _he_ wants" and then adding in afterthought "If I ever _saw_ him, I would try to speak to him. If I knew his location though I would have kept it a secret. I would have granted him the privacy he deserves"

What Ron said made her flash crimson "I hope Mark knows that he is holding a rare diamond in his unworthy hands"

Her cheeks turned the colour of crimson again, as she walked down the quiet road towards the Hogwarts gates...

 _sometimes I think he doesn't..._

 _-.-_


	5. Chapter 5

**Visions**

* * *

Severus walked softly upon the wet ground. His eyes scanned the names on each monument inside the cemetery. This is where everything ended and this was where he was going to make his own closure. The wet grass licked his boots, as his footsteps carried him heavily amongst the dead. Walking softly, almost inaudibly, as his coat brushed the pale tombstones. His hair concealed most of his face and the darkness of the environment was the perfect cover for the darkness inside him.

After managing to make his escape from Knockturn Alley, he made his way quickly through the dark alleys avoiding as much as he could the light of day. His experienced eyes saw Aurors a mile away, but those were not the only ones he was trying to avoid. Even though he had his hair in front of his face and the lapels of his coat up to his cheeks, he was easy to recognise. He didn't want any more Ministerial traces flaring above his head and dropping him in prison. Therefore he took the less travelled paths in order to go unnoticed. Nothing was left to chance as he knew exactly where to go and which roads led to safety. All those years working for Albus and Riddle had made him acquire explicit knowledge in the art of hiding, either inside his mind or in the real world. A skill that was currently invaluable to him.

He didn't want to dwell long on the longing he felt for the warmth of Sybil's shop. He had convinced himself that he was not supposed to feel any kind of comfort or long for warmth of any kind. In that military manner he managed to press himself onwards throughout the painful days and exhausting nights. Dodging everyone in his path and remaining out of sight. He felt a couple of close brushes with Ministry officials, but they were nothing he wasn't able to handle. The repose and nutrition that the Trelawney sisters offered him were enough to propeller him throughout the difficulties of constant moving. His body was seriously sick and reminded him in every opportunity of how limited his time was.

Once upon a time, he had been able to run for miles and not get tired. Now he walked a couple of feet and he was out of breath, searching for a place to rest in order to gain the momentum to start the strenuous business of walking again. For the time being he was spared the pain, but he knew it wasn't going to be long until another heart attack occurred. It would probably happen from the simplest of reasons and then he would be on his knees trying to breathe.

 _The only way to free yourself is to ...die..._ his mind whispered.

He also felt hungry, cold and tired, but none of this really mattered. He was here...he had made it to his final destination. On the whole, eight days of suffering and trying to go unnoticed, but he had finally made it. He was here, where _she_ lay buried...she and her husband. His fingers slid inside a pocket and they wrapped around something cold and smooth. His lips opened up and he took a soft breath as his eyes searched around the tombstones. It was late into the night and only the occasional owl was heard from the trees around him. Apart from that, silence was consuming. The weather was humid and the cold piercing, but the sky was clear and the full moon bright enough to show him the pale path inside the dark cemetery.

As he walked along the small gravel path his eyes saw a small bench, standing alone at the edge of the cemetery with its back turned to the graves. It was overlooking the open space in front of a dense forest. His legs momentarily wobbled and he had to steady himself upon the headstone of a monument.

He read on it **"Martha McCollins 1934-1995, a loving wife and mother".**

He winced and closed his eyes as he tried to take deep breaths, overcome one more time by the need to stop and gain momentum. He really had no idea how much further his frail body would carry him, but he rather doubted that he would be able to manage it back to Ireland. He was going to die in some abandoned road and this option seemed like a blessing at that moment.

He was a tired man, both in mind and in body. He hadn't been brave enough to commit suicide, but he had been foolish enough not to heal himself properly from Nagini's bite. He failed, even though he knew what long term effects the remaining poison would have on his body. The poison led him steadily towards the edge of the world, and he was now just one step from the ultimate drop. He could have gotten proper treatment for his illness at some point or another, but that would have meant that he was willing to reveal his identity. Something that he was not prepared to do even on pain of death.

He was more than unwilling to return to the magical world as Severus Snape. No wrong, he was unwilling to do it under any name. So even though the poison was still running in his veins, saturating his body with it's toxins, he hid himself from the world and it's possible healers. He had tried to heal himself with several potions, but it was not an easy task. Unable to have a proper job and a laboratory in which to work in, or even a house to live in resulted in him working periodically on his cure, so this kind of treatment lacked the needed consistency. As time passed by the poison ate straight onto his heart, resulting in being unable to walk ten steps before losing breath.

 _not that I mind much..._ he thought bitterly.

He gathered his remaining courage and forsaking the call of his heart for rest, he started walking again. His eyes fell again on that bench at the back of the graveyard, and his body twitched in anticipation of the possibility of having a sit. Anywhere would do and that bench looked delicious, but he didn't have the luxury to sit down. He had to find what he was looking for, so he pushed himself onwards forgetting the bench for the time being.

He walked heavily between the graves stopping to catch his breath every now and again. His pale face lit by the brightness of the full moon. After a while his wet boots stopped in front of a rather beautiful monument. Simple and elegant it was and it bore an angel on top of it. He looked at the inscription with mild apprehension.

 ** _Lily Potter Evans 30 January 1960 - 31 October 1981_**

 ** _James Potter 27 March 1960 - 31 October 1981_**

His heart mildly complained, but he paid it no notice. His hand rubbed his chest absently as his eyes looked at the inscription. Adrenaline pumped through his veins upon seeing her final resting place.

"Hello Lily" he murmured and his stomach tightened painfully. Suddenly he needed more air.

"I find you _again_ in company" he looked at the grave "...as always" he whispered more to himself than to the tombstone. He turned slowly towards the full moon. It was so bright that his eyes watered.

 _beautiful..._

He gazed at their grave again and suddenly he had no idea what he was doing there. Even in death she was accompanied by her husband. The man that took from him the only woman he had ever loved. Had he expected to find her alone? She had never been alone after their argument, after he foolishly named her "mudblood". He lost her forever to James. The man that died with her because of him. The adrenaline pumped hot inside his body and his heart fled from it like a frightened bird. He recognised the signs of arrhythmia, which would eventually lead to a heart attack. He didn't mind it much though. He just hoped that he could find the strength to take a few steps back and then collapse with dignity away from _their_ vicinity.

He searched inside his pocket for the token. He fingered it's smoothness and then took it out and brought it in front of his eyes. It was a silver bracelet that bore her name on it. It was a token she had given to him years back when they were still friends. When she had kissed him one night and told him that she could have loved him, if it hadn't been for his devotion in the Dark Arts and Tom Riddle.

She had been honest back then, he had no doubt. She could have been his at the end and that thought was his ultimate torment. He had her within his grasp and he lost her to James by his own foolishness. After their argument she turned her back to him forever. No matter how many times he tried to ask her forgiveness, she had forsaken him. Blessed to see the last of him, she opened her arms to James, whilst he sank deeper and deeper into a silent darkness.

She got blessed with a solid marriage and a child. Things that he wouldn't have been able to offer her. During the last summer before entering the service of Voldemort and taking the Dark Mark, he had written her a letter confessing his feelings to her. Telling her that it was her last chance to choose, but hiding from her that she was his last chance to walk towards the light. She never answered to him...

He looked at the front of the engraved tombstone and there stood a small pedestal. He felt his knees buckling and reached out to steady himself upon the marble angel"You don't mind, do you?" he asked them both.

After she died a large part of his soul died with her. She had visited him the third night after her death in his rooms at Hogwarts. She appeared next to his bed, a white spectre of light. He lay sleepless and teary three nights in a row asking the Gods to spare him. Asking them to kill him in some manner. He lay there terrified trying to figure out if her vision was real or an illusion. She had spoken to him softly and her words were pleading as she kneeled in front of his bed fresh from the tomb. She had asked him what Albus had asked him that same morning, to help them protect her son.

She had first pleaded with him, but as he remained unresponsive from the sheer sock of seeing her, she had ruthlessly reminded him that it was _his_ words, if not his fault, that had led Voldemort to their family. Conveniently forgetting to add that it was Pettigrew's betrayal that shaped their grim future. Conveniently she dropped all the remorse on his shoulders and that way force him to remain close to Harry. He succumbed in the end because he loved her to death.

She had reminded him of the bracelet she had once offered him and she made him swear on that token that he would do everything in his power to protect Harry. The sock had been so immense that he isolated himself and most of that was under oblivion. When he came to his senses everything said between them was engraved in his mind with a hot rod. Something in his soul closed up that day, and it remained under locks forever on. When he first used his patronus after that meeting he had not been surprised to see that his _original_ mongoose had been replaced with Lily's doe. It remained like that up to this day...

He closed his eyes and entwined the bracelet between his fingers thoughtfully. So he had remained Harry's keeper because of the oath he made to Lily. He had helped all these years Harry, Albus, the school, the Order of the Phoenix and the Ministry of Magic. He had done so with great cost both to his body and to his soul. He supposed he couldn't complain though, because the woman of his dreams, the love of his life, had sustained him.

When he returned broken from a meeting with Riddle she had always been there. To give him strength when he was bleeding and to help him heal himself, in order to be well enough to protect her son. Or maybe it had been his own illusions that kept him going and not her spectre. Maybe she had always been a creation of his loneliness, something that kept him alive through his hell.

When Voldemort fell seven years ago, she left him this time for good. This time she also left his dreams. When Harry Potter was finally safe and his enemies were destroyed, her spectre never returned to him. It was the first time in his life that he felt so deeply betrayed. The knife this time twice buried in his heart cut the last part out of it and he was now heartless. He had been this way for seven consecutive years. He had been a fool to believe that her ghost would have remained with him forever, in the stead of her body, to sustain him to the end of his days.

 _she's gone..._ he thought and drew a deep haggard breath. Tears came quickly to his eyes and a dim pain started throbbing in the middle of his chest. So for seven years he was neither alive, nor dead. He was in limbo, trying to bring back her ghost in his dreams. Something that could have given him hope for the morning after and maybe lend him the strength he needed to stand up again and fight for his life. Her ghost would have made him _want_ to wake up to _see_ the morning after. So while his health was deteriorating, his soul was emptying itself into the void every day, until nothing was left of neither.

He opened his eyes and looked at the token. That is why he was here tonight, to return her bracelet. To leave it upon her grave and bid her his final goodbye. Almost twenty years after she had said goodbye to him in physical form, and after seven in spirit. He was a bitter old man filled with her memory. His lips turned down in disappointment as he placed the bracelet above her name.

"Here's your token back Lily. I gave you everything I had and now I return to you what's yours" he said and his voice sounded heavy and drawn inside the silence of the night. He stood up abruptly not knowing what else to say to a cold tombstone, or what else to do. His heart contracted painfully and this time he felt it.

After all these years he had confessed everything to her, if not by his words, then loudly by his actions. He walked slowly away from the cold grave and towards the solitary bench. The tears etched down his pale cheeks. He sat down at the bench with a clear moan of relief and closed his eyes one more time. It was better not to look, and better not to feel. His hands felt cold and his heart even colder.

His overwhelming emotions were not presented by loud outbursts. He simply felt frozen with the sad realisation that everything was over. He had spent his whole life dedicated to a love that was never his and on serving masters on both sides. Never being the master of himself.

 _you never lived your life just for yourself you fool...and now it's too late..._ he leaned his head back and breathed deeply trying to calm the elevated beating of his heart. So when she came next to him he didn't hear her. When he opened his eyes the bright ghost of Lily was standing right in front of him. His heart shot him a stabbing pain without warning and his eyes watered. He clutched at his chest and looked at her. She was just standing there smiling at him.

"Hello Severus" she said and her voice was exactly as he remembered it.

He breathed deeply "Lily?" he asked as if unable to believe what he was seeing. Before he had anytime to digest her sudden appearance another truth came to flatten his soul to the ground. Her ghost had existed all these years, it had not just been a figment of his imagination. That meant that she had truly given up on him when Harry was safe. The bitterness that filled him, made his brows crease at her image. He swallowed and relaxed his grip on his chest "You are real then" his voice was flat and unemotional.

She nodded "I was forever real for you Severus"

"I thought you were a creation of my imagination" he muttered.

"No, I was always there for you" she replied tilting her head to the side with a soft smile.

He shook his head "No you weren't, you left me seven years ago" the accusation clear in his voice.

"You didn't need me anymore after the war was over" she said and approached him gently. Her ghost sat lightly next to him. He felt his body tensing beyond recognition and the pain in his chest made his ears buzz.

"I think it's more like _you_ didn't need _me_ any...more" he replied, his breath catching with the effort to speak. Even though it was clear that he was undergoing another heart attack, he remained stubbornly seated at his bench, having a calm discussion with a bloody ghost.

 _that's some weird sense of priority ..._ he thought.

"Thank you for keeping Harry safe, thank you for sacrificing your freedom and your life for us Severus. Thank you for everything..." she trailed off and he saw her transparent hand alighting on his arm. He tried hard not to flinch when he felt that sickening cold feeling of the ghostly hand touching him. All these years of hiding inside his self inflicted isolation had made him afraid of human touch. That didn't extend to ghosts though did it? You couldn't really _feel_ their touch. He looked down at her hand. That cold feeling lingered...

 _can you?..._

Without any warning he felt his sorrow filling him completely "Why did you leave me?" he asked, keeping his eyes meticulously away from her, and upon the dense tree lines.

"I released you, I didn't leave you, don't you understand? I had to set you free...i had to let you move on with your life..." she replied.

He turned and looked at her. Her eyes were so big, so beautiful and so sincere "Move on towards where?" he asked "You left me when I needed you most Lily, when I was lonely and ill disposed. You had sustained me for fifteen years when I was protecting your son. Would it have cost you dearly to remain with me for the rest of _my_ time? You left me twice, the first time you broke my heart...the second time you broke my soul" he said panting. He rubbed his chest in order to soothe the pain that was gaining in intensity by the seconds.

"No you don't understand Severus. I didn't leave you because your usefulness has ended. I left you because I _had_ to let you move on..." she repeated and looked at him with those ethereal big eyes he adored so much in the past. The pain flared up almost immediately. He winced and shook his head.

"I haven't moved anywhere, but a step closer to _death"_ he almost growled the last word out "I needed you in my dreams, since I couldn't have you in my life. I am unable do this alone Lily don't you see?" he said and looked at her.

"I couldn't remain Severus, because I would have kept you back. You have to move on, you have to..." she repeated.

He stared at her coldly "I am _dying_ Lily, I am not moving onto ...anywhere" he said and the bitterness was clear in his voice.

She smiled and shook her head in denial "You have to move on..." she said again.

He frowned "Didn't you hear what I just told you?"

"Severus take the bracelet back please, don't leave it here. It was something that I gave to you when we were friends. Take it back Severus and keep it to remember me, please" she said and touched him again. The same traces of coldness passed through his sleeve and onto his cold skin.

"Take it to the grave with me? I don't want it Lily, my obligation to you has ended. Harry is safe and living his life a happy man. Voldemort is dead by Harry's hand and the war is over. I have no more debts to pay towards anyone. I have cleaned my slate and I am departing. The bracelet will remain right there, above your name where it belongs, and my magic will keep it there forever" he replied solemnly.

"Severus, keep it to remember me, please" she pleaded once again, softly. Her hand was still on his sleeve.

"I don't want to remember you Lily" he replied heavily and shivered at how real those words were.

"Severus, please" she insisted tenderly.

"I don't want to remember anything, don't you see? I have nothing worth remembering" he replied and looked towards the moon, suddenly very alert at how desperate that sounded.

 _but Gods, it's so beautiful..._ his eyes almost watered and he didn't know if the pain in his heart had that effect on him, or the natural brightness of the moon. She didn't reply and he didn't turn to seek her gaze either.

"You said before that we were friends once?" he asked and his breath came with difficulty.

She nodded "Yes".

"I don't believe you Lily" he said and in that moment the world around them stilled.

"Severus?" she tried to grab hold of his arm but her fingers slipped through it. He actually preferred it that way.

"I don't believe you Lily, and you know what?" he said and pushed himself to a standing position. He straightened slowly, but the pain that flared inside his chest caused him to take hold of the bench in order to keep himself upright. He forced himself to smile under the haunting light of the moon "It really doesn't matter anymore. Whatever happened, is done and over with. I was the one that killed you and I dedicated my life to you and to your son. My life is over now, and I have a clean slate. I owe nothing to you or Albus or my mother or my father. I live for myself for the first time in my life. I broke all the chains that bound me to this earth..." He titled his head slightly in sudden understanding "...One way or another I did it, didn't I?" he asked himself "It doesn't really matter that I have no more life left in me, at least I will die a _free_ man" he said and raised his eyes to the moon again. His sad smile died down, and he straightened notwithstanding the strong pain that was piercing through his torso. He raised his hand to the moon and caressed its surface with his hand. His eyes bemused as the moon rays passed between his fingers.

"Although I would have liked to enjoy this moon a little longer" he murmured. Not really talking to Lily anymore, nor caring about her pale white ghost that was still standing in front of him. What mattered most to him all his life, for all the wrong reasons, meant so little now. Everyone had betrayed him in the end...Everyone... His father had been first and his mother followed foot, Lily was next, then Albus and the whole staff of Hogwarts. The Malfoys and in the end Voldemort himself who dealt the final blow. He realised with a sudden pang of grief that he had been alone throughout his whole life...No one ever stood by his side.

"It's rather beautiful, isn't it?" he asked himself. He kept looking at the bright face of the moon, not understanding why he felt so little pain and so much bitterness at that moment. Her voice intruded his senses like an unwanted stranger. How odd to be feeling like that about the only woman he had ever loved. To feel so cold about the woman he had dedicated his whole life to.

"Severus?" she asked again raising from the bench.

"Go back to your husband Lily, I am done here. I have nothing more to offer you...i have nothing more to offer to anyone. The last ...thing I possessed of yours, is now out of my hands. I don't want you to haunt me anymore and I didn't come here to beg for your presence next to me. I came here to close my books with you. We are even Lily" he said and looked at her through hooded eyes. His breathing was getting laboured as the pain extended towards his back. The terrifying presence of the heart attack and it's brutal reality was there again, to bend him out of shape.

"Severus you meant a lot to me, but it wasn't meant to be...it just wasn't..." she said and extended her hand to him. Upon those words that sounded so empty to his ears his temper exploded and with it the excruciating pain tore him in half .

"Leave me alone, like you did seven years ago, just leave me alone!" he growled into the night and threw himself into a blind retreat between the tombstones. His emotions which he had managed to keep at bay for the whole duration of his visit, got suddenly unleashed and he almost kneeled down under their weight. Tears filled his eyes, bitterness saturated his soul and the pain covered his body like a dark blanket. He stumbled upon the cobblestones and the graves until he reached the iron gates out of breath. He leaned heavily upon them and his weight forced them closed with a heavy bang that woke up the forest. He begun walking as fast as he could down the street, not daring to look behind him.

 _one-two-one-two...breathe..._ his mantra was starting all over again as his heart attack was well under way. He pressed his hand upon his chest and looked around. No one in sight and it was for the best. That way he had a chance to crawl away from the street and into a hole somewhere in the forest in order to finish it. Alone, as he deserved it; Even though his mind ordered him to deviate from the main road and find a place to lay down and die, his self preservation always strong inside him, was calling him to keep walking until he reached help.

 _how the hell did I manage to end up like this..._ he thought and pushed forth with a lot of effort. He struggled for each step and with each step he counted inwards.

 _one-two-one-two-in-out-in-out..._

He had no idea how long he had been walking down the road that was leading him past the main gates of Hogwarts. The shock from the pain making him blind to that little detail. With each passing step the pain worsened until it became worst than it had been at Knockturn Alley. It was mind numbing, and it was covering his whole chest, his back down to the waist, and now his left arm that was numbing down to his fingertips.

He was panting for breath and also was very dizzy. He was almost kneeling to the ground and dragging one foot after another with considerable effort. He had been fully aware that the Hogwarts cemetery where Lily and James where buried, would have been abandoned during the night. So it was a safe trip for him to go there, and then leave through the forest unnoticed. The plan was forfeited when his pain blinded him both in body and mind, not allowing him to realise that he was coming up to the main gates quickly.

Only when he reached those gates did he manage to raise his head and take a look. He stopped in the middle of the street panting like a fish out of water. He frowned trying hard to make the appropriate connections inside his pain sordid brain to understand where he was.

 _Hogwarts...get the fuck away ..._ his mind screamed.

His logic called him to move away from those doors. He didn't want to be found here so why the hell was he not moving? His eyes looked past the gates and towards the castle. He saw it outlined by the pale moonlight and memories flooded him unexpectedly. He faintly remembered the long hallways, the Great Hall and it's huge fireplace, the turrets and the astronomy tower. He remembered his own crumbled chambers that were always overfilled with books. The warmth all those memories possessed in his mind at that moment was equal to the warmth he had felt inside this place. He had never really understood how much of a home this place had been to him until he had been out of a home for seven years. The mere sight of the castle made him want to reach out to the gates in order to get closer, forgetting that he didn't want to be found. And that is what he did...Inside his pain induced daze and his mantra to breathe he took a step towards the castle.

 _one-two-one-two..._ he walked in agony towards the gates and the moment he reached them his hand flew to heavy iron doors to steady himself. He leaned his body upon them and his forehead touched the cold metal in temporary relief.

 _in-out-in-out..._ He would have never thought that he was going to be missing _this_ place. When he had left it seven years ago he had done so for good and never felt the need to return. Why did the mere sight of it flood his heart with a torrent of bittersweet memories? He opened his eyes and observed the main building again. Small pools of light were coming from its windows.

The road leading up to the viaduct was lit by magically sustained fires. He felt around the doors the heavy wards that had been placed by various wizards over the centuries. Him being one of those wizards once upon another lifetime. He hesitated for a second before he placed his foot down and walked past the gate. The wards lowered for him to enter like not one day had passed. As he walked past the wards the beautifully warm image of the castle got ruthlessly crushed under the haunting image of an abandoned castle. There were no more lights coming through the windows, no more fires lighting up the viaduct. There was only darkness and an old decrepit building with crumbled turrets and walls just barely standing under the merciless weight of time. There was only death and isolation.

"No" he murmured with a deep scowl.

He moved back away from the wards and the Hogwarts he knew once upon a time came back to full view. His mouth opened and closed in confusion. He couldn't understand what was going on. He felt his left hand numbing completely and dangling useless by his side and the pain in his chest intensified, but he needed to confirm that what he was seeing was _not_ an illusion. He stepped forth and the image of the decrepit castle appeared before him once again. He took a step backwards and Hogwarts became alive once more.

What kind of devilry was this? what kind of magic? Was it part of the wards or was it his mind doing it? He was able to see the castle's magical warmth from afar but when he approached it, everything was gone. It was as if...as if...as if the castle didn't want him to approach anymore. He winced and moaned out loud as the pain flared. He clutched his chest and stumbled backwards. He needed to sit down somewhere...his legs...were not able to hold him anymore.

 _Oh Merlin help me..._ he thought and that is when a voice made him jump out of his skin.

"Professor?"

He couldn't have yelled even if he wanted to, because he had no breath left. Instead he coughed hard and felt his heart fluttering. The pain shot up through his brain and everything closed down in milliseconds. His knees buckled and he crashed upon the ground. Then there was nothing else for him...only darkness...

-.-


	6. Chapter 6

-.-

Hermione munched nervously on a fingernail looking towards the far corner of the hospital wing, where a very flustered Madame Pomfrey was working quickly around an unconscious Severus Snape.

 _unconscious or dead?..._ she thought and suddenly fear overflowed her.

 _I am a fool ..._ If the man was dead Poppy wouldn't be running around him casting spells. She could barely understand what the mediwitch was doing, but she saw a myriad spells leaving her wand, even more being spoken towards him, and also several bottles of potions administered through IV.

"Mione?" Hagrid asked with uncertainty by her side. He had taken off his huge hat and was toying it around with his fingers. He looked terribly worried, as they all did.

"Don't know Hagrid" she mumbled, not daring divert her eyes from what was taking place "I really don't know".

That is when the infirmary doors opened up with a violent crash upon the walls, and a haggard Minerva came storming into the room. She bypassed Hermione and Hagrid and came close to the bed.

"Get away!" Pomfrey commanded and continued with her spells.

"What is going on? What happened? Is he all right?" Minerva asked clutching her nightgown around her.

It was the only moment that Pomfrey turned towards them and Hermione was shocked to see a pale face barely under control "You are my headmistress Minerva and I respect you to the utmost but I will order you to stay away from this bed! This man is under a heart attack and I don't think he will make it. Now MOVE BACK!" she cried.

 _a heart attack?...oh fuck..._ Hermione bit off her nail and moved onto the next one. Her stomach contracted with fear.

"Oh sweet Gods" Hagrid murmured by her side. Voicing her own thoughts. She saw Minerva backing away towards them. When she reached them she turned towards Hermione and she could see the anguish clear on her features.

"What happened Hermione?" she asked.

 _what happened?..._ what the hell had happened?

She had been walking peacefully towards the castle in order to calm her spirits before going to bed with Marcus. This night had not been very easy to begin with. So as she was walking slowly enjoying the fresh night air and looking at the breathtaking full moon she saw a dark form leaning on the gates of Hogwarts. Her footsteps stopped immediately and adrenaline made her very aware of her surroundings. Someone standing outside Hogwarts this late in the night couldn't be good news right? No staff members would have stood outside like that and this presence didn't remind her of anyone she knew.

She remained frozen in place trying to make as little sound as humanly possible and not draw any attention to her presence. That is when the person moved and it had been a weird affair to watch this. He stepped past the doors and she saw no wards activating. That meant that he was part of the castle. Then he moved back and then forth again. He kept going back and forth like that.

She frowned and closed in the distance. If the wards had not been activated then there was probably little reason for her to worry. Still she was very careful how she approached this person. As she closed in she saw that he was highly unstable on his feet and he seemed to be almost doubling in half from the effort of walking. He looked rather ill disposed. He was rather tall and with long jet black hair. That is when realisation dawned to her slowly and it made her stomach drop. Her mouth opened up and she remained like that gawking like a bloody idiot.

Right there in front of her moving back and forth from the gates, barely managing to keep himself up straight was Severus Snape, or rather his ghost. She tried to understand how in the name of Merlin she had gone from learning that he was alive, to discussing him over dinner, to finally finding him in front of her doorstep.

 _possibly literally..._

All those questions and the pure shock of seeing him in front of her alive after all these years, got erased when she saw him stumbling back. She rushed forth in order to help him and before reaching him she called the only thing she knew, to notify him of her presence.

"Professor?" she wanted to add "Are you alright? let me help you" or something similarly compassionate to his obviously fragile state, but he didn't allow her the luxury. He went into a coughing fit and almost immediately fell unconscious in front of her feet. And left her there _still_ gawking like a bloody fool whilst he lay pale as the moon in front of her.

 _snap out of it! You aren't helping him by being like that..._ she had chastised herself and lowered herself above him.

"Professor? Are you alright?" She placed her hand and softly pushed his long hair out of his face.

With trembling fingers she tried to find his pulse. Her face went livid when she felt this man's heart barely beating. He was dying, right there in front of Hogwarts in her arms. If nothing else had been able to shake her to reason, this did the trick for her.

A rush of urgency run through her and the responsibility pushed her legs and arms into action. She jumped on her feet and took out her wand "Mobilicorpus" she called and an orange flash enveloped his body. He was lifted easily into the air and she moved as quickly as that spell would allow her through the gates. The moment she passed inside she triggered the wards of high alert. Something to certainly wake up most of the staff. She offered a terrified look behind her were his crumbled dead-pale figure was following her. It felt too slow, she needed more speed. She pushed forth as fast as she could trying hard _not_ to think that this man was dying right behind her.

 _oh Gods please keep him alive...please..._ she prayed hard as she run up to the main entrance of the school. That is when she saw Hagrid alerted by her triggers running to them. He immediately recognised Snape and without any hesitations he told her to lower her spell. He caught Snape mid air and then dashed off towards the hospital wing faster than any Hermione could have ever done.

She followed behind him as best as she could. They entered the infirmary a messy ball of robes and raised voices. When Madame Pomfrey saw them she ordered them to repose the man in one of the beds in the far corner.

That brought them there where Hermione was eating out her third nail in a row, Minerva was questioning her, and Hagrid was playing with his hat, whilst Pomfrey was trying to save this man's life.

 _a heart attack?..._ she thought again and bit on her fourth nail. Minerva passed her hand over her face "Is that all that happened?" she asked.

"Yes, yes" Hermione nodded not really looking at her Headmistress "What's going to happen hey? What do you think?" she asked seeing the mediwitch working meticulously above Snape. His hand was dangling out of the edge, moving lifelessly each time Pomfrey pushed the bed by mistake.

"I have no idea Hermione, she said a heart attack" Minerva whispered not daring to raise her voice "Harry said he was ill disposed but no one thought he could be this serious"

"What's going to happen? Do you think he will die?" Hermione asked lowering her finger from her mouth. Her stomach collapsed and her fingers numbed down. She was the one that found him. He had been there for her to find.

 _He'd better not die now. Oh he'd better._

"Merlin, I don't know girl" Minerva replied her own voice clearly broken. That is when the doors flew open and Filch rushed inside followed by two foreign wizards.

"Madame Pomfrey" he called. She turned, barely looked at them and then returned to her job "Here, he is here. He is dying. Help me out!" she called.

Hermione placed her hand above her mouth and felt tears edging her eyes. He was going to die. Right there in front of them. After all this, ending like that. The shock wouldn't allow her to release her tears though, so it pooled into anxiety making her break in cold sweat. The two foreign medical warlocks, run quickly next to the bed and instantly started casting their own spells.

The tallest of the two, brought out what looked like a rough draft of a muggle IV and they hooked it up into his arm. A purple liquid was inside the small transparent bag. The other one cast a spell of some sort and a bubble appeared on the right of the bed floating above them. It held his heart rate. The straight line barely raising every once in awhile in a heart beat and then returning to a flatline. His blood pressure read six over three. His heart rate 14.

She instinctively grabbed Minerva's arm not knowing where to turn to find some support at what she was seeing. Minerva placed her own arm above hers and turned to Filch that joined them "St. Mungo's?" she asked.

He nodded solemnly "Yes, well _one_ of them is from St. Mungo, the other one is supposed to be some kind of medical mastermind from Ireland, who specialises in severe heart conditions. I don't know in which hospital he works in. Madame Pomfrey alerted St. Mungo the moment you brought the Professor in, and I think St. Mungo notified the specialist. They just arrived by apparition" he said.

"Thank you Argus, go and try to notify the rest of the staff that are awake about what has happened, but don't lead anyone to the infirmary. I will meet with them tomorrow morning to let them know the details" she said and looked worried towards the bed.

Filch nodded and left without a word. "Hagrid you go about your rounds also please" Minerva said.

"I'd rather remain, yeh know" he said and pointed towards the bed "I knew 'im well" he said

"I will notify you the moment we have some answers. You are not helping here Hagrid, please" she said.

"None of you is helping here. Stop talking the lot of you and get out of my infirmary. I will let you know the moment something happens. Now leave!" the command came from Poppy and it couldn't be well argued. They looked at each other and started walking to the doors. One by one they left the infirmary, the last one being Hermione. As she closed the doors her eyed fell to his pale arm bearing the IV hanging lifeless from the bed.

"Maybe you should go get some rest also Hermione I will remain" Minerva said and sat down heavily at the couch of the ante chamber.

"No, no way. I cannot leave unless I know what is going to happen" Hermione said and decidedly sat down next to her. Minerva didn't make any objections. Hagrid left the two women who sat silently next to each other. The one eating her nails the other one having her face buried into her hand. They remained like that for some time. Hermione started to doze off. The weight of it all making her lose consciousness slowly. Bereft in a blessed world of dreams where the constant worry of what was going on inside the infirmary was no longer an issue. Just as she was about to fall asleep standing up she jerked straight and rubbed her eyes. She felt the tension around them thick as a butter. Silence was so total she could hear only her breath and the muffled voices of what was going on inside, but no one came out with a long solemn face to tell them that it was over. That meant that he was still fighting.

 _fight it...you fought your whole life...fight more...fight..._ she chanted willing him to hold on.

Knowing full well that her pray was affecting only herself, but she needed it as much as he did at that moment. For some reason she wanted the man in that bed to live...He had to live.

She spared the last nail of her right hand and leaned forward placing her elbows upon her knees. She buried her face inside her hands and heard her muffled breath. She had no idea how long she remained frozen like that listening to the distorted but urgent voices from inside, but she started to doze off again when the voice of Minerva shook her out of her reverie.

"...never good" was the only part of the sentence Hermione's dizzy mind was able to distinguish.

"What was that?" she asked her voice muffled up by her own hands. Only then did she realise that she was still in the same position and she removed her hands. The cold air that fell on her face rejuvenated her. She must have been like that for some time. She opened her eyes trying to focus them to the Headmistress. She had her head leaned at the back of the couch, but her eyes were closed.

"I said...I never really treated him well, you know. Never" she repeated.

Hermione opened her mouth in order to say something and then closed it again. Socked out of words by the Headmistress's unbidden revelation she remained like that observing her closely.

Minerva turned towards her and opened her eyes "Severus...I never treated him well" she repeated again as if to explain about whom she was speaking.

"Yes I know Minerva, but it was not easy. What happened back then was..." she was truly out of words. Which one amongst them ever treated the man that was inside right now fighting for his life fairly?

 _no one..._

"No, you don't understand" Minerva said and frowned visibly "When he was Headmaster, I never treated him with respect. Not once. When he was dedicated to protect the school and the children. I treated him with derision and public disrespect and so did everyone else for that matter" she said and placed her hands above her face.

Hermione closed her eyes and nodded "I know, Minerva. But those were difficult times. No one really knew where loyalties lay truly. Did we? Especially for this man who had _obviously_ killed Albus in such cold blood" she said trying to sound convincing to her own ears.

"It shouldn't have been so hard to figure out the truth. Not for me at least, that I knew the inside workings of Albus and his loyal servants only too well. I have seen him bleed so many times for us, seen him come back from a meeting with Voldemort barely holding his pieces, seen him suffer and put his life on the line time and time again. Yet when the day of judgement came I was quick to judge him wrong. So quick, like everyone else" she said in monotone. She seemed caught up in her own personal hell in dealing with what was going on inside the closed doors. Hermione could partly understand all this. As students they never treated him well either. They were afraid of him and never respected him. Well at least the boys...

 _you did respect him..._ It was difficult to find the appropriate words to answer to what Minerva was saying.

"We treated him poorly also" she said softly.

"I think he expected a trivial more from the staff, than from his students dear. Don't confuse responsibilities" she added. Hermione raised her brows but didn't answer.

"When we left him for dead after the fall of Voldemort it took me a while to come to terms with my failing him" She raised her eyes to Hermione "He has been failed by people his whole life you know" she said solemnly.

Hermione felt her fingers tingling and her heart picking up speed. She wouldn't have dared speak even if she wanted to "His father was the first one. I had seen his memories, but those were not the whole truth. They merely scratched the surface. I was his teacher you know, yes yes, brilliant wizard he was. You are the only one that came close to be like him, but even you didn't come that close. Do you understand?" she asked

Hermione nodded trying not to focus on the compliment she just received.

Minerva continued then "Since he was a small boy he was bloody brilliant. Turned into a very powerful wizard. Could have developed into a second Dumbledore if given the time and the inclination towards the side of Light, but he had always been drawn towards the dark. His father, he was abusive you see. I really don't know if I am supposed to be speaking about these things" the old witch said and placed her head on her hands shaking her head in sorrow.

Hermione took her hand in hers "Most of these things are already know, more or less" she said and it sounded stupid into her own ears, but it was the truth. Most of what Minerva said was already out, through books about his biography. She had read a couple of them herself, including that drawl of a writing of Rita Skitter. She had the faint idea that Minerva knew a lot more than she was saying though and she wasn't sure she was entitled to such information. They certainly didn't have his permission to discuss his personal affairs like that and it was not as if he was dead so why did Minerva keep using the past tense.

"He is still alive you know" she said.

Minerva looked at her and smiled "You are a bright ray of hope Hermione dearest". She withdrew her hand and Hermione didn't make any tries to keep a hold of it. "When we heard that he was alive and within close distance I was socked as everyone else might have been, but I was also eager to find him. To speak to him. To offer him my apologies. I owe him Hermione" she said and looked towards the closed doors.

"We _all_ do Minerva. We all owe him" Hermione replied and lowered her eyes. She rubbed her palms together.

"I never thought he could be this ill" the old witch said thoughtfully.

"I didn't either. He is the last person that you expect to see at death's door. I think none of the children ever saw him as human" Hermione said with a small laugh that came in total contrast to the severity of the situation.

"Yes, he held that element of terror over you I remember. When he was but a young boy he was nothing like the man you see now" Minerva said.

 _not prudent to ask how he truly was...right?..._ Hermione bit her lips and looked at the floor.

"No, nothing like what I saw here today. How did we ever get to this?" Minerva this time spoke mostly to herself than to Hermione.

The silence fell upon them heavily once more. The cuckoo clock ticking the hours slowly. Dragging it's hands upon the time. They changed positions upon the couch. The rolling of the minutes found them standing up and pacing. Leaning against the walls and closing their eyes, fighting against the inevitable fatigue of their bodies. The seconds moving with accuracy found them sitting down again, standing up, walking, and sitting down once more.

 _tick tock tick tock..._ and Hermione started another one of her confused dozes when the doors of the infirmary flew open and a very tired looking Poppy came out. The two women immediately stood up and looked at her expectedly.

Poppy made them a gesture to take a seat again "It's ok, sit" she said and took a deep breath.

"Is he all right?" Minerva asked.

Poppy snorted and took a seat across them heavily. She rubbed her eyes "he is _far_ from being all right" she said

"How is he?" Hermione asked sitting at the edge of her seat. Her stomach rolled about with worry.

Poppy shook her head "Things don't look good. He is as stable as he can be under the circumstances, but I am going to be honest. I don't know if he is going to make it through the night" she said.

 _oh bloody hell no..._

Hermione felt her stomach dropping and she bit back the tears that threatened to overflow her eyes "What happened?" she asked.

Minerva was motionless by her side.

"Heart attack and by what I saw from his blood tests it hadn't been the first one. Apparently though this was going to be his last. Hermione, it was solely due to pure luck that you found him the moment you did. A moment later and he could have been dead right now" Poppy said.

Hermione placed her hands on her face and nodded, the weight of it all falling heavily upon her tired shoulders "He is that bad?" Minerva asked.

"He is the worst I have ever seen him, and you know I have recovered him several times in the hospital wing after he came back from Voldemort" she looked towards Hermione wondering if she should be talking so freely.

Hermione felt a strong shudder run down her back ... _how many times did you treat him?..._

 _"_ In reality he is one step from death Minerva. We have done the best we could believe me. The men inside from St. Mungo are the best in this field. They have stabilised his heart and breathing, that was just the immediate danger" Poppy replied closing her eyes and leaning her head back.

"Immediate, you mean there is more?" Hermione asked opening her eyes.

"His body is flooded with poison" Poppy said.

"What!?" Minerva cried and stood up "How? Who?" she asked and started pacing.

Poppy motioned her to stop "I have no idea who and how, I have not yet been able to identify the poison. The only thing I know for certain is that it has affected his heart severely. It is all pooled around his heart and lungs for the love of Merlin. I don't know how this man kept breathing quite honestly"

"Do you think it is responsible for the state of his heart, or that it made a prior condition worst?" Minerva asked.

"I can't know unless I identify the agent and how long it has been in his system. I am working on it right now" she said and stood up to go inside again "Listen I know you are worried, but you are not helping him. You have to get some rest. Hermione dearest your eyes have almost reached your chin" the mediwitch said with a small smile.

She smiled back "I will be all right"

 _i am not the one that needs care right now..._

"I will remain" Minerva said decisively.

"I will keep you company" Hermione said quickly.

Poppy shook her head "You are doing nothing by standing outside my doors really. You both have classes tomorrow and you Minerva have also a school to run. I would advise you to go to your rooms and get as much sleep as you can. I don't have the time to treat you two also. Listen I will notify you for _any_ change. Be it good or bad" she said and looked at them

"Even the slightest change" Minerva commanded.

"Yes Headmistress" Poppy replied.

"Can I be notified also?" Hermione asked and felt both women looking at her. She gave an apologetic tilt of the head.

"Sure, I will notify you both. Now please go get some rest. You both look like hell. He is as stable as he can be. His fate has already been written and it will happen whether you are here or not" she said.

Minerva after a short pause nodded "I could use some sleep, and so could you dear. You have classes first thing tomorrow morning. Poppy is right, he is being taken care off and we will know the moment anything changes"

"Good now leave before I hex you out of here" Poppy retorted and got lost inside the infirmary again.

Hermione smiled tiredly to the Headmistress and followed her down the corridor "I don't think I will be able to sleep" she said as they walked pensively to their adobes.

"You will sleep the moment you hit the mattress. Poppy is right. We are helping neither him, nor ourselves by remaining awake. Now come it's rather late" the Headmistress said.

They parted with a sort but warm hug at the doors of Minerva and Hermione soon reached her own apartments without much thought. The pooling fear in her stomach and the heavy dizziness on her head from the lack of sleep had overtaken all her functions. When she entered her bedroom Marcus was snoring away. She shed of all her clothes and slid to bed with him. Before she had time to turn around to embrace him she was already at the edge of an exhausted sleep that was closer to passing away. The last thing she remembered was a pale hand dangling lifeless from the edge of a hospital bed.

******...*******

The first ray of sunlight found Hermione almost jumping out of bed. She couldn't have helped it really. She had woken up in a complete daze with the muffled certainty that Snape had died last night and no one notified her. Marcus had woken up with her and he tried to understand what she was telling him about what happened yesterday.

She took a deep breath and explained to him with as few words as possible whilst she got dressed quickly. The idea of taking a bath was out of the question. She was already late for her first class and she wanted to go from the hospital wing first to see how he was. She knew that if something drastic changed during the night she would have been notified by Poppy.

 _no news is good news..."..._ right?" she voiced her thought as she was putting on her red robes.

"Right about what?" Marcus came up behind her and took her in a warm hug. She released her robes and closed her eyes.

"I am talking to myself" she murmured reposing her head upon his shoulder.

"Wanna share?" he asked.

"I was thinking that no news is good news, right? Poppy didn't notify me during the night, so he is probably still alive, yes?" she asked not able to hide the worry in her voice.

A soft reassuring kiss landed upon her neck making her shiver.

"Yes honey, I think all is well. Do you want me to come to the hospital wing with you?" he asked.

She turned around and put her arms around his shoulders "No, you have class in ten minutes. I will see you at the meeting" she planted a wet kiss on his lips, which he tried to deepen. She pushed him away "Now come on get ready. I have to run you know. We have time for this later!" she said behind her back as she wore her flat shoes.

 _and I am not really in the mood for this right now..._ she grabbed her papers and dossiers and reached the door "I love you, see you later baby" she said and send him a kiss.

He caught it in the air and winked "Back at you beautiful, don't be late for your classes" he called.

She nodded and closed the door. The moment she turned around her face clouded and her sure steps became a messy run as she reached the infirmary. The fear in her heart intensifying as she was getting closer. It was as if the distance made this less tangible somehow and the closing of that distance made it more solid. As solid as it had been on her yesterday when it had crashed her sense of priority under its immense weight.

Now that she was reaching the infirmary that weight started pressing hard down on her shoulders. The easy mood that Marcus managed to get her in was now a distance second to the thought of the man behind these doors. She paused and watered her lips. Did she want to go inside again today? Did she want to make this as real to her as it had been last night?

 _move it..._ she ordered herself and pushed the doors open as slowly as possible.

Her feet shuffled soundlessly on the wooden floor and she cringed as the door creaked upon closing behind her. She remained frozen in place, watching towards the white curtain that lay at the far end of the room. Poppy must have placed it in order to give him the necessary privacy. Keep him away from prying eyes. The sun was bright behind that curtain, making the sight quite otherworldly.

 _how is he?..._ she thought and watered her lips again not acknowledging that she was stuck in place with her eyes wide. Not until Poppy spoke next to her making her jump out of her skin, like she had done with the man behind the curtain herself, yesterday.

"Did you at least sleep well, or am I asking too much?"

Hermione bit her lip in order to stifle the groan that almost escaped her. She looked at Poppy. The mediwitch looked like hell.

"You look awful yourself" she retorted.

"Been working all night" Poppy said and gathered her hair in a bun as she started moving towards the white curtain. She paused and looked back at Hermione "Well, are you coming? That's why you are here for, I assume?" she asked.

Hermione jerked forward in clear anticipation and reached Poppy with quick soft steps "How is he?" she whispered as they approached the curtain.

Poppy winced "The same as yesterday honey. Didn't get any worse, didn't get any better either. He is stable" she said and carefully pulled the curtain back. Hermione followed her inside and froze in place.

She looked at the bed which was covered in light. Several spells and charms were visibly flowing around the bed. A purple bubble was flowing on the right side of the bed which showed his heart rate and blood pressure. She remembered it from yesterday. Heart rate was moving between 45 and 50 and blood pressure was 10 over 5 which was an improvement from when they had first brought him in.

An IV with an orange potion was in his right arm. Her eyes fell into the same pale white arm that was dangling from the bed yesterday lifeless. The one that was the last thing she remembered before falling to her infernal sleep. This time her eyes followed the painfully thin arm up to his torso that was covered with a thin blanket and up to his face.

She felt her eyes filling with unbidden tears and this time she had been unable to stop them. Enveloped by long pure black hair, that were spread on the pillows around him was the face of death. He had gotten seriously thin which made his cheekbones much more prompt and his chin line much more sharp. His eyes had deep dark circles under them and his lips were blue and slightly parted. His breathing was shallow and quick. This man here was the ghost of her old intimidating Professor. His destroyed image made her heart contract painfully. Her eyes followed his other thin arm. She saw the veins visible under the skin, the nerves and muscles prompt. He must have been a very strong man once...

 _once..._

He doesn't deserve to be like this. Not him, not after everything he had done for them all...

 _oh Gods help him..._

She felt the tears running down her cheeks and quickly rubbed them off before Poppy had a chance to see her "He looks dreadful" she said in order to cover her own uneasiness, more than anything else.

Poppy was checking on the IV "He is barely alive girl, what did you want him to do? Somersaults?" she sounded dry.

 _look at me ..._ she thought and smirked bitterly at her own unexpected reactions.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, her eyes unable to leave his face...it looked so haunted.

"No, not really honey. The medical specialist has managed to steady Severus as much as his condition allowed. They have both cast their own wards on him and they will be coming three times a day to monitor him. If that is not enough to ease your worries, I am also monitoring him twenty four seven" she stretched and rubbed her eyes.

"Have you rested at all?" Hermione asked.

Poppy shook her head "No, I cannot leave him, I need to be able to monitor him closely" she replied.

"Maybe I can do some monitoring in your stead. So you can catch some forty winks or what have you. What do you think?" Hermione asked eagerly.

 _now where did that come from?..._ she thought confused. It was not as her free time was unlimited, or that she didn't know what to do with it. She supposed that seeing Poppy at the end of her tether and witnessing this man one step from death was enough reason for her. It was the least she could do for them both.

Poppy peeked at her behind her fingers "Would you now, really?" she asked as if unable to believe it.

Hermione nodded "Of course, just tell me when to begin" she said and pointed at Poppy "You will tell me what to keep an eye out for, and whatever happens I will notify you" she said eagerly.

"You are up to your neck with classes, meetings and student counseling Hermione, not to mention running a House. I couldn't possibly ask you to burden your schedule more. Besides Minerva wouldn't allow you" Poppy replied, but her voice sounded timidly hopeful.

"Don't worry, I will handle Minerva" she replied, and waved Poppy's worries away with a flick of her wrist.

 _What about Marcus then? When are you going to find the time to see him?..._ she asked herself.

That was a problem indeed, but at this moment any love affair was taking second place to what was happening. A man's life was in danger, so surely Marcus would understand. Hermione needed the action that this was giving her. Now she would be able to do something practical instead of praying to the Gods every night and day. Even if that action consisted of sitting down and looking at him, now she was able to _really_ help him...

 _and Poppy..._

She smiled and raised her brow invitingly. Poppy paused for a moment observing her closely. Then she drew in a deep breath and nodded " _If_ you can pull it off with Minerva and _if_ you are available i'd love the help. Until he gets unhooked, or until he is able to breath on his own again" she replied.

Hermione felt her throat tightening "That's what the charms are all about, aren't they? they are helping him breathe?" she asked.

Poppy nodded "Yes, and they are making his heart beat"

 _he cannot do it on his own, can he?..._ she felt tears straining her eyes again and she fought them down. This was a time for action...not a time to mop around in misery.

Hermione closed her eyes and nodded "I will talk to Minerva at the meeting, don't worry, I will help you" she rejoined with resolution.

Ever since she was a small child, assisting people had been what made her feel alive, needed, useful. She had always given that help with a little bit of stuck up satisfaction about her superior intellect, but still...it was what made her ...Well...what made her ' _Hermione'_...

 _it is who you are..._

So back then her task was to help her friends, now it would be to assist Snape, and Poppy and she was going to do it gladly, for both of them.

"Ah yes, the impending meeting. You take care what you do or say there, honey" Poppy said checking the protective and healing charms around Snape.

Hermione frowned "Why, what happened?" she asked.

"You haven't heard...of course, you just woke up. Well, the Ministry is here" she said looking at her above the rim of her glasses.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"I think Minerva called them, probably via Harry Potter. The Minister of Magic himself is here and they insisted to see Snape first thing this morning" she replied quite dejected.

"To tell him what? He is in oblivion" she pointed out.

"I told them that he is in no condition to communicate and I forbade any entrance to the infirmary. I will make my intentions official at the meeting, you mark my words" she replied and she sounded cross.

"Who is going to stay with him for the duration of the meeting?" Hermione asked in apprehension. She was going to partake the meeting also and from what she was seeing it was not going to be easy on anyone. She was not in a hurry to come across the Minister of Magic.

"The St. Mungo wizard and the heart specialist from St. Catherine" Poppy replied.

"Is Harry in Hogwarts as well?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, he _bloody_ well is! He was the first one that came through these doors this morning and everyone else came after him. He was carrying himself quite loftily as well. He has turned into a quite feisty young man hasn't he? Thinks he owns the damn place, bloody Auror" she muttered under her breath.

 _oh Harry you fool..._ She knew why Harry was acting this way, but that was hardly an excuse for being disrespectful "Don't misunderstand him, I think he has valid reasons for acting in this ...uhm, manner" she replied with a little explanatory smile.

"I don't care about any of his possible reasons. Next time he bursts into my domain like that, I am going to hex him to hell, but NOT back" Poppy sounded threatening. She walked around the bed and sat down at the chair.

"I have to attend my class now, but I will see you at the meeting and we will sort out everything about the monitoring, alright?" she asked.

Poppy nodded and she looked downright exhausted "Yes, thank you dearest girl" she said.

Hermione looked one more time at Snape and her lips turned down. The knot in her throat tightened one more time, making it hard for her to swallow.

 _right...action..._

"See you later Poppy" she said and then paused for a moment in indecision "...be strong Professor, I will see you later..." she said finally to him. She didn't even know if he was listening to her and that sounded stupid to her own ears, but telling him goodbye felt right to her heart. She had read in muggle books that talking to people in a coma could be helpful, because _some_ of them were be able to hear what was going on around them even though they were unable to talk back. She turned around and left quickly, not noticing the sweet smile that Poppy offered to her.

-.-


	7. Chapter 7

Time moved with agonising delay through the classes and Hermione couldn't wait to see Harry. The meeting was scheduled to take place first thing after lunch, in the Trophy Room. Harry, the Minister of Magic and Minerva didn't attend lunch, so she assumed that they kept themselves locked in the Headmistress office. A good strategy in order to avoid drawing unnecessary attention from students, but a rather useless one at that, because the news about Snape-in-Hogwarts were all over the papers.

It was also obvious if you took the care to observe the students. The whispers, the worried looks and the tension were tangible. There were a lot of debates about how he ended up alive, in Hogwarts and they were important questions that needed attendance; But the only man that could answer them was out of touch with the world, so at the end of the day there was no point getting caught up in such theories. What came out of discussions taking place alongside fires with whispering voices, sounded much like old myths, the only difference was that the protagonist of these legends was still alive...

 _well, trying to stay alive, more like it..._ was the most accurate definition.

She directed her steps quickly towards the meeting room. Her classes had finished with great difficulty as her mind was mostly occupied with the upcoming events, with the need to help Poppy and to also to see how Harry was doing. She had a feeling that her friend's psychology was a total mess, which was wholly justified. She knew what Snape meant to Harry, sentiments that had taken such huge proportions after the revelations of this man's memories.

Finding out that their Professor was still alive must have come as a terrible sock to Harry and the need to see Snape eminent. The way he stormed into the infirmary without directing his actions through logic, attested that things were very severe. Harry, so caught up inside his own struggle, hadn't even taken into consideration that Snape was unable to communicate.

She raised her head and looked at the large wooden panel doors in front of her...an unaccustomed fear lingering inside her mind...

 _this is going to be a handful..._

she took a deep breath and painted an amiable smile upon her lips as she opened the door. Her eyes scanned the room quickly and she saw that everyone was already there. Marcus raised his hand and motioned to her to sit next to him. Minerva was discussing with the Minister of Magic, their foreheads almost touching. The Headmistress gave her a fleeting glance as she walked into the room.

Finally she saw Harry who was leaning against a windowpane, his eyes lost in thought. He looked so broken that Hermione's heart fled to him faster than her legs did. Marcus stopped her mid way by taking hold of her hand "Everything alright baby?" he asked and looked at her with obvious worry.

 _do I look that bad?..._ she thought and smirked "I am a mess, right?" she asked.

Marcus caressed her hand discreetly and smiled back. Even though everyone in the school knew the situation of their household, they were never more expressive in front of others and they always kept up the appearances.

"You look fine love, I was just a bit worried. You haven't slept well yesterday and your program today was difficult" he said. She looked at him and the need to bury herself in his arms felt too hard to control. She wanted to share with him the immense burden she felt, but she couldn't do anything more than squeeze his hand back at that moment.

"I am ok, but I don't know how well we are _all_ going to be when this meeting is over though" she said and tilted her head towards Harry.

"Yes I tried to talk to him, but he isn't in a good mood" Marcus pursed his lips.

"Let me go to him, i'll be back in a moment" she said and he nodded with a smile. She turned and walked towards Harry, but had barely made it to him, when Minerva stood up and spoke to all.

"I will beg everyone in the room to please take their seats, the meeting needs to start as the Minister cannot remain with us for long" she clapped her hands. They all sat down and she nodded in appreciation "Thank you, thank you". Hermione noticed that she looked better than yesterday but the dark shadows under her eyes remained, which meant that that she hadn't slept well either.

Hermione sat at the edge of her chair and watched Harry warily as Minerva started talking...

"Most of you have already been informed, that Severus Snape is currently been attended in our infirmary and that he is in grave danger. Madame Pomfrey will join us shortly in order to update us with the current developments. Minister Shacklebolt and Auror Harry Potter are here in order to be officially informed" she looked around solemnly. Hermione was playing nervously with her fingers, trying in vain to catch the eye of Harry, but failing to do so. She felt Marcus shifting uneasily by her side.

 _who isn't nervous amongst us tonight?..._

"Severus Snape's fate had been hidden in darkness after the fall of Voldemort, seven years ago. Most of us believed him dead, but his body had never truly been recovered for proper burial. His Headmaster painting at my office never moved, therefore the Ministry had kept the trace on his magic active. That trace flared up three nights ago after an event that took place at Knockturn Alley...Uhm...Minister, do you want to take over?" she asked and looked at him.

Kingsley, the forever calm and controlled man Hermione remembered so well, nodded "Yes, thank you Headmistress. Friday afternoon an explosion took place, that blew up a large part of the west side of Knockturn Alley, and Snape was the one that caused it. Why? We have yet to know. We had no victims from the event and we are all thankful for that. We all know and appreciate the work that Severus Snape had offered to the Order of the Phoenix and the Ministry of Magic, during the solemn events of the second war. We are also all aware of his true role in the first war, but his allegiance has remained with us all these years and his outstanding and monumental bravery, cannot be denied. After death, he has been bestowed three Orders of Merlin first class, as a humble appreciation for the sacrifices he had made for our world. Severus Snape is a war hero ladies and gentlemen and the job of the Ministry had always been to find out if he was alive or not. Thus the trace remained active all these years and that is what brings us here today" he said.

Hermione couldn't stop herself in time "He didn't _want_ to be found" she said, with hair raising certainty.

"What was that?" Kingsley asked frowning.

"I said, he didn't want to be found Prime Minister, so why did you try to _impose_ yourselves? If you respect him as much as you proclaim, you should also respect his wishes" she said courageously.

"Hermione we had this conversation before" Harry flared looking at her straight in the eyes. Now that she finally managed to get his attention, she didn't want it.

"Prime Minister?" she asked, bypassing her friend. She knew that for Harry this was way too personal. He was unable to be unbiased.

"Miss Granger, I assure you that we do not intend to _impose_ ourselves on Snape, more than strictly necessary. Understand though, that he was _one_ of the key figures of this war, not only in his role with us, but by being Voldemort's second in command. I think that on it's own requires for him to answer some questions at least" the Minister said.

"Don't you think he had enough interrogation to last him a lifetime, from _both_ sides then? The man is dying, and the only thing that matters to you, is to find a way to talk to him. Why?" she asked and her blood run hot under her skin.

"Hermione, you are out of line" Minerva intervened.

"No she is not! She is exactly where she must be..." Poppy said coming through the doors "Professor Granger is right, what do you want him to do? Stop dying in order to have an honest chat with you about the war?" Poppy sounded tired and the irony was clear in her voice. She sat heavily next to Pomona Sprout.

"Of course not, but it is our responsibility to come in contact with him from the moment we learnt that he was alive" Harry replied heavily.

"Lady we had not been aware that his health issues were so severe. We are here to be informed about these problems, something that your presence here is bound to do. As for the rest, you cannot expect the Ministry to remain idle when someone as important as Severus Snape is found alive. The Professor is highly important to us, but further more he is highly important to the whole magical world and we as it's Ministry are obligated to seek him out" Kingsley's tone of voice and current stance was calling the room to order.

"Minster, we all appreciate your discreet presence here, in these fragile moments" Minerva joined solemnly.

 _Discreet? Which one of you is discreet on Snape...Does he know of your discreet presence here?...Because, I have a feeling that if he knew he wouldn't have felt so honoured..._ Hermione made sure those thoughts didn't get voiced, because they sounded too bold for this tepid meeting.

"I have a feeling that dear old Poppy is not the bearer of good news today" the Minister stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Poppy?" Minerva asked and everyone turned towards the mediwitch.

 _talk about being the centre of attention..._

"The Professor's health became stable last night, but he is far from being well. He is magically supported by mediwizard Jonathan Berk of St. Mungo, and Alistair Hughes, the medical specialist from St. Catherine. His heart and lungs cannot function without external assistance. His heart is very ill and as we have concluded already, this was not the Professor's first heart attack. Doctor Hughes pointed out that certain enzyme levels in his bloodstream were highly elevated, way above normal range. Only two explanations are possible for this. The first is that he had undergone one very severe heart attack, the immensity of which would have killed him on the spot, or that within the last two or three days he had gone through another heart attack. After a careful analysis of his system by Doctor Hughes we have concluded that his illness was not naturally depicted, due to age or heredity..." she trailed off and looked around.

"What happened to him then?" the Minister asked.

"He was poisoned Prime Minister" Poppy said and Hermione her back ripping with strong shivers.

 _what?..._ her fingers twitched instinctively around her pen.

Poppy nodded "The Professor's heart and lungs are swimming inside a pool of poison, and a rather potent one at that"

"You managed to identify it?" Minerva asked.

Poppy nodded and Hermione saw her getting paler "Nagini's poison" she said and looked up to the Minister.

"Oh dearest Merlin" Hermione voice broke the silent concentration and everybody looked at her. Did she just say Nagini? Did the Professor live with that snake's poison inside of him for seven years?...

 _oh hell..._

"That is what made him so severely sick. There have been tries to stop it's activity inside his body, but obviously he didn't manage it as well as expected. He had managed to seriously weaken the poison though, and that was what actually saved him. His potions had allowed him to operate relatively well all these years and not die on the spot, but they had never fully managed to deactivate the poison. In the end as it was expected, the poison found it's way through the body's tissue and muscles and onto his heart and lungs. So whatever was left of it, got pooled there and it watered the layers of his heart, making it severely ill. He _must_ have felt several _ugly_ symptoms as his illness spread, long before the heart attacks every begun" Poppy said.

"He is a master Potioneer, couldn't he have created an antidote?" Harry asked, the anguish in his voice clear.

"Snape? Easily, very easily" it was Slughorn that spoke.

Minerva nodded in agreement "He is one of the best, if not _the_ best, so I cannot even begin to fathom how or why" she muttered.

"Mediwizard Berk, has already devised an antidote for him and it is already been administered. As to _why_ the Professor failed to do this relatively easy job, for his skills, no one can say, but himself. So, until he wakes up and is able to communicate we won't know, Headmistress" Poppy replied.

"As is?" Minerva asked pressingly.

"As is, he remains supported by several powerful charms that Doctor Hughes has created in order to keep him alive. Alive long enough for us to clean his system from the poison and afterwards to start healing his heart" she replied.

"Which will take?" the Minister asked "...Approximately" he added quickly.

"Cannot say Minister. Theoretically the poison will be removed within a fortnight. The support of his vital systems though will remain on as long as it takes for him to manage those basic functions on his own. The only thing we know for a fact is that his healing will take a long time of consistent therapy" she replied.

"Like?" Minerva asked.

"Maybe months Headmistress, but this is secondary. The important thing for us is to clean his body up and for him to remain _alive_ long enough so we can do it. That's the only way his heart will have a chance to work without Doctor Hughe's magical aid, _if_ it ever manages that" she replied thoughtfully.

"The poison was inside him for seven years?" Harry spoke mostly to himself.

"Apparently, unless he got bit by another snake further down his days" Poppy replied and raised her brow.

Harry buried his face into his hands and shook his head "I suppose you are right"

"So many questions" the Minister said and then smiled solemnly "which are going to be left unanswered unless the man recovers, which is my sole wish for the time being. And nothing more than that" he stood and Minerva stood up with him

"I must be going Headmistress, I will expect an official daily review of his status" he said.

Minerva nodded and shook his hand "Of course Minister" she replied heavily.

"Mr. Potter you will remain?" the Minister asked.

He nodded "I will be over shortly"

"Very well I bid all of you good evening. Please excuse my abrupt departure but I have pressing matters to attend to back at the Ministry. I will be in close contact with you about the situation at hand" he said to Minerva.

She smiled "Of course"

With that he walked to the fireplace and stepped into the green flames which led him back to the Ministry. Minerva sat down again "We will remain on the issue at hand, because other developments are taking place which are rather serious likewise" she said.

"Yes we read it" Pomona said and scrounged her lips

"Read what?" Hermione asked.

A newspaper landed in front of her. Her eyes saw the title which read "Snape alive! Currently attended in Hogwarts. -I always knew he was alive. Can't wait to see what he thinks about my bestseller on him- says Rita Skeeter"

"Oh no" she said and looked around. Almost all nodded.

"It will be rather difficult to keep the press off of Hogwarts. Some of them are banging on our doors as we speak" Minerva said

" _He_ can barely breathe and we have already become a bloody circus" Hermione muttered dejected.

Minerva nodded in understanding "I agree. We don't need the press on our feet right now. We have to keep them away and that is where I need your cooperation. You all move outside the school during the weekends. They will try to approach you. Just be aware. Don't speak about anything and don't give them any information. Especially _don't_ answer. That is what they will try to do. Bait you to an answer. Don't give in or else they will burn this building down in order to get to him. No one spoke of what happened on the road, but somehow it got out"

All of them nodded at that and agreed "Very well unless Poppy has anything else to add, or you need any clarifications we could move on to more lighter subjects concerning the school itself" Minerva said.

"No I am good" Poppy said "I should be getting back" she made to get up.

Hermione intervened "I would like to assist Madame Pomfrey with Professor Snape" she said.

Minerva looked at her confused "What do you mean?" she asked.

"The man needs constant monitoring Minerva and I need some sleep. Hermione offered to monitor him some hours during the day or night so I can sleep" Poppy said.

"I can help also" Pomona said eagerly.

"With two assistants we can have shorter times with him and more time to rest" Poppy nodded and smiled to Sprout.

"Yes I agree" Hermione said.

"We could ask for external assistance. I need my Professors to be alert and rested for their classes" Minerva said thoughtfully.

"I don't trust foreigners as much as I trust Hermione or Pomona, and you can identify with that Headmistress. No one is going to watch over Severus the way people who know him will" Poppy said with scrounged lips.

Minerva looked towards the table in a brief thoughtful pause and then looked around "We can help also Poppy. I will take part of the monitoring" she said. The rest of the staff joined in.

"I can help too" the last person that Hermione expected to hear was Harry.

Minerva touched his arm "I am sure you can dear boy, but this is too personal and emotional for you, I think I will prefer the more cold approach to have more objectivity if you don't mind. I will keep it in house" she said.

Harry pursed his lips but didn't answer. Minerva in the end chose Hermione, Pomona and herself. Soon after the meeting moved on to other issues secondary to Hermione and she barely paid any notice to them. Her mind kept playing back and forth all the info. The poison of the snake inside of him for seven years, Harry and the pressing need to talk to him, the fact that the press had learned somehow that he was there and that she needed to dodge them every time she went out of Hogwarts and last but not least how she was going to organise her time with the monitoring her classes and Marcus.

When the meeting was over she, Marcus and Harry walked pensively towards the inner plaza.

"How are you Harry?" she asked and looked at him.

"I will survive, cannot say the same thing about Snape though" he said.

"Don't speak like that" she started but he cut her off.

"Didn't you hear her? Don't you understand? He is dying" he said and stopped drawing a deep breath.

"i know this is very personal to you Harry, but we know Snape. We always did. He is a fighter, right?" she asked and rubbed him reassuringly on the back.

He smirked "You saw him, how did he look?" he asked.

"As you remember. Dark and brooding, even in a coma, only a trace thinner" she replied.

 _liar..._

"I tried to see him when I came in this morning" he said musingly.

"Yes a good show you put in there. Poppy is mad at you. I wonder why she didn't tell you off at the meeting. And what did you expect to achieve then?" she asked.

"Conversation?" he retorted.

"You asshole he is unconscious. Stop storming the place like you own it, because if the time arises for you to indeed talk to him no one will let you" she chastised.

"I wasn't thinking clearly Hermione. You know very well that after what I saw, after learning that he protected me for seven years, or that he loved my mo..."

"Harry Potter! Silence your mouth!" she ordered cutting him off. Harry looked at Marcus visibly embarrassed.

He passed his hand from his eyes "I am sorry, I need to go back to the Ministry, I will talk to you later" he said and without another word left the couple alone musing after his sudden departure.

"Did he mean his mother?" Marcus said softly.

She flared "The man is unconscious. We do not, and I repeat we do _not_ discuss his personal affairs behind his back Marcus. You are even worst than he is" she said.

He leaned and embraced her warmly "i am so sorry, I know this is very hard on you too" he said. She closed her eyes and felt the relief of a very hard day getting washed under his words. She kissed him softly.

"Look I am really sorry I snapped at you. These last few days weren't easy" she whispered upon his mouth.

He nodded and caressed her back "How in the name of Merlin are you going to manage a hospital shift with everything you already have upon you I wonder" he said.

"You don't want me to?" she asked drawing back slightly

"It's not that I don't want you to, it's that I know you will get overtired which will make you irritable and I am not looking forward for that. It always happens to you when you miss out on your sleep" he replied.

 _very nicely put..._

"I will find a way to manage it all and that means you too love" she said and rubbed her nose upon his.

He drew her upon him and bit his lip "Now that we mentioned it are you free for dinner on Sunday?"

"I think I will make the time why? Do you have something special in mind?" she inquired testily.

"Ah ...I _may_ have something in store for you. So will you arrange the monitoring in order to have the evening free?" he replied.

She nodded "I am sure we will sort something out with Minerva and Pomona don't worry" she paused and caressed his hair softly "What _did_ you have in mind then?" she asked.

"I'll show you when we get there" he said and kissed her quickly.

"I think I had enough of today, want to go to bed?" she asked. He nodded and the smile on his lips foretold that he was not going to behave.

Hermione never thought that today of all days she could perform sexually, but it seemed that the worry about Snape's health, the tension that she went through in the meeting, the lack of sleep and the pressure to get through her normal schedule caused her a sexual outburst that ended with her in all fours and Marcus grinding up behind her. She managed to reach her climax by using her own hand and by silencing the moan that was buried in her lungs upon her pillow.

The early hours of Saturday found them nuzzling next to each other. And even though her body was sated her mind was in overdrive. All thoughts ended with a pair of pale lips slightly parted barely managing to breathe. She fell into an infernal sleep not wanting to dream, but dreaming nonetheless, and those lips were part of that dream...or more appropriately... of that nightmare.


	8. Chapter 8

******...******

The next morning, Hermione stepped inside the infirmary all clean and refreshed after a long sleep with Marcus wrapped tightly around her. She was more than ready to take on the first shift of Saturday and she found Minerva there after having finished her night shift. Poppy was there also messing about Snape. She came up and placed her hand upon Minerva 'How are you boss?' she asked trying to sound playful. The old witch didn't look all that well. She raised her tired eyes to Hermione.

'At the end of my tether, you came right on time. Poppy is a mess also' she replied.

'I thought you went in to take a rest last night' Hermione said looking at the mediwitch.

'He didn't allow me' she said and pointed at Snape. Hermione came close and observed the man. Still unmoving at the same inclined position. With his arms peacefully lying at his sides. His eyes bearing the heavy dark circles, his mouth parted trying to achieve the simple task of breathing and his face haunted. A deep scowl upon his hair covered brow. She felt her breath catching.

 _now why do I feel guilty about having a nice time last night?_...she asked herself.

Maybe it was the fact that she was again faced with his reality. She was drawn away from the world of safety her chambers could offer. This was real life again and she was called to attend to it. She looked at the man one more time and her eyes observed his long black hair draping the white pillow. Making such a contrast with his pale face and she felt her heart contracting.

She was glad she was here. She had been apprehensive before coming up to the infirmary about missing out on her day with Marcus but the moment she looked at Severus Snape she was glad that she was here. At the same time she felt sad about seeing such a powerful man barely hanging from life's last thread.

'Why, what happened?' she asked removing her eyes with difficulty from his face.

'Blood pressure plummeted, heart rate went to the abyss, we almost lost him again' Poppy said checking on the IV.

 _what!?..._

'Why didn't you wake me up! What happened?' she asked fear gripping her heart. She had at least been certain that he was stable when she went to bed last night with Marcus. If she'd known that he was going to fight for his life she would have been here. If anything else, in order to satisfy her conscience which now felt very very heavy indeed.

'St. Mungo was here before Minerva managed to wake me up. They stabilised him again' Poppy said dejected.

Minerva nodded 'It was horrible. I still remember hearing the flatline's constant beep. I looked up and I think it took me several seconds to realise that this meant that his heart was not working. I made a move to run to Poppy and that is when the doors burst open and the doctors were above him. I notified Poppy. They stabilised him rather quickly in comparison to the first time, but this goes to show us that he is anything but stable'

'If I don't manage to clean his body from the poison no one can assure us that his heart won't stop beating anytime soon again. Next time we might not be able to resurrect him' Poppy said.

'What potion are you using?' Hermione said and frowned.

'The standard antidote' Poppy replied.

'It needs boosting and I know how to do it. Minerva can we call on Pomona to take my place? I need to go to the laboratories and mess about with the antidote. I know how to make it more efficient, but I need time to brew it' her professionalism taking over fear and moving her into action.

'Sure I will call on her now. How long will you need?' Minerva asked.

'I think I can have it ready by the early hours of morning. I will bring it to Poppy myself and then take over the next shift' she said

'No I can't make you do that. You need rest also' Minerva said.

Hermione waved her off 'I want to do it, I am going. Now Poppy give me the three next batches of the antidote you have' she said.

Poppy complied and went to the cabinet and started searching around in it. Hermione placed her hand on the railing on the foot of his bed and winced. He needed to be cleaned out in order to survive this and her knowledge could do that much quicker. His heart was already very tired and was barely holding him alive. The sooner the poison was out of his system the sooner he could get on to recovery.

'Here' Poppy said and landed her with three large orange bottles. The same colour that was inside the IV.

'Maybe it would be wise if you froze him over until I brought in the new potion, so as to not make his condition any worst?' Hermione asked.

'Already on it' Poppy said taking out her wand and pointing at him. Immediately a blue unspoken flash came out of the Hufflepuff's wand and covered him. Everything around him froze. The charms from St. Mungo, the IV dripping and his breath. His mouth gaping open without moving his chest.

 _He actually looks dead_ ...Hermione shivered and scowled deeply 'I am off to the laboratories' she said and placed the handbook she had brought with her to the table next to his bed. She didn't look behind at the admiring look both women gave her as she left the infirmary precariously balancing the three bottles inside her arms.

Ten at night found her completely disheveled. Her dress dirty and her robes all but forgotten at the laboratories. Her hair sweaty and out of her bun, fell in brown cascades around her sticky face. She didn't smell too good either, but nothing of this mattered as she entered the infirmary were Poppy was occupying her office. Mainly her office desk. She was fast asleep upon it. Several official papers had fallen upon the floor. Hermione paused at the door and looked inside. The breathing of the mediwitch was calm and stable. Quite the opposite of the breathing of the man behind the white curtain. She took a fleeting look towards it. She approached quietly and placed the first bottle in front of the mediwitch. The soft thumb made her jerk upright immediately and look about her 'What? What happened?' she asked in total confusion.

'I am so sorry to wake you up, but I have the new antidote. Are you ready to unfreeze him and let us try it?' Hermione asked eagerly.

Poppy rubbed her eyes and smiled to her 'Yes, of course, come dear girl' she said and passed in front of Hermione who followed closely.

'I told Pomona she wasn't needed since I had frozen him, so all of us got a chance to have this needful rest dear girl. Ha, you should have seen the St. Mungo's who bursted through the doors the moment you left. I had forgotten to notify them of the freezing. They weren't too happy about it, but once I explained they made no objections' Poppy said

They passed through the curtains and Hermione saw the same scene she had said goodbye to that morning. The blue hue around the bed keeping everything frozen. She looked at his closed eyes, those dark lines making him look a lot older than he truly was. Everything frozen. She didn't know if she regretted having to unfreeze him. She think she did. In this state he couldn't get any worst. Unfreezing him might mean...him dying...She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

'What did you change?' Poppy asked looking at the altered now bright yellow colour of the antidote.

'I boosted it up with several ingredients amongst them essence of dittany. Let's see how it works ok? If it does i'll right down the whole list' she said pressingly.

Poppy nodded and quickly changed the IV above his arm. She pulled her wand out and looked at Hermione 'Girl I hope for his shake that you have done a good job with it' she said. Hermione felt her shoulders tightening and nodded.

She gestured at him 'Come on' she said feeling anxiety burning deep inside her veins. She was trying a totally new potion on him and although she trusted her abilities, she was second guessing herself. It was natural since this man's life was hanging by a thread. The wand of Poppy flashed and the blue hue removed itself. Hermione placed her hand above her mouth and rubbed it, smelling the alihotsy and the Peppermint covered thickly by the residues of the burning fumes of the cauldron. A soothing smell that did nothing to calm her heart.

Immediately the charms activated themselves and were set in motion. His breathing continued exactly where it had been left off. Nothing to betray that several hours had passed with him frozen. Poppy fixed the speed of the IV and looked at him 'We won't know now, it will take some time' she replied.

Hermione nodded and pushed some hair out of her face 'I know' she replied praying deep inside her that her potion would work. That it would help him revive. That it would...

 _save him...that you will save him_...she swallowed and tried a sad smile towards Poppy.

The old mediwitch sat down at the chair next to him 'Go dearest girl. Take the well deserved rest you have earned. I will wait for you tomorrow at noon' she said.

'Can i...uhm' she tilted her head awkwardly.

'What?' Poppy frowned.

'Can i, uhm...sit with...him...for a while?' she asked and pointed towards the bed.

Poppy looked at Snape and then at her. She raised her brow 'But it's not your shift honey, and you look like you just ascended from hell' she said meaningfully.

'No, I mean just sit for a little while...' she said and raised her palms as if that would explain her sudden need to sit next to him.

Poppy raised both her brows 'It won't hurt I guess' she said and rose slowly from the chair 'Want to be alone?' she asked with her never ending sense of privacy. Although for the life of both of them Hermione couldn't think why she needed any kind of privacy with a man in a coma.

She nodded 'I don't mind' she said and walked up to the chair.

Poppy drew in a deep breath 'I'll leave you to it, call on me when you finish and don't stay long. You look overdue for a pillow...' she looked at Hermione critically '...and for a bath!' she added with a playful tone.

Hermione scrounged her nose 'I know, thank you' she replied.

Poppy left discreetly and drew the curtain shut behind her. When they were finally alone Hermione sat down gingerly by his side. Her body straight and stiff. She observed his pale face highlighted by the moon rays passed through the window. His thin lips were drawing shallow quick breaths.

Her eyes fell his chest and she saw the soft white blanket raising and falling gently. She pressed her lips and felt tears edging to her eyes. The last time she saw this man he was standing tall in front of Voldemort. A dark tower of strength trying to draw the Dark Lord's attention from Harry. Trying to warn them.

She had seen the snake slide quickly up to him and then him inside a pool of blood with his eyes closed. Thought of as dead. None of them thought that maybe he had survived. No one went back to look for his body until it was too late.

Now this dark tower of strength was crumbled to the ground and bend out of shape. She couldn't help but feel deep sadness. They had been unjust to him during the second war. They had been equally unfair to him during his presumed death. No wonder that he wanted nothing to do with them and he hid himself away from this world all these years.

'Hello Professor' she said and remained silent. She tilted her head and smirked 'It's Hermione...Granger...you wouldn't remember me now would you?'...

 _no you wouldn't ..._

'I ...uhm...was the one that found you outside Hogwarts and caused you this heart attack, which doesn't make me feel very nice' she frowned and lowered her eyes to her hands 'I didn't mean to scare you, but you were so caught up in your struggle that I couldn't have helped it. I tried to warn you I was there. I am so sorry' she said. The last sentence barely a whisper.

She raised her eyes to his face. It was immovable in time. The face of an old man, even though she knew that he was barely 44 years of age. She drew a deep silent breath and watered her lips. She was feeling nervous sitting there talking to him. She wasn't sure he was able to hear her, but even the smallest chance that he could understand was enough for her.

How scary would it feel to know that you cannot move or open your eyes, and yet you can hear everything that goes on around you? She had read about that before. If there was a possibility he could hear her, she wanted to offer him a few simple words of comfort. Anything to make him understand that she was there to help him.

'I also know you didn't want to be found Professor, but it was hard not to notice you there in front of the doors. I would have pretended I didn't see you, if it weren't for the fact that you looked dreadful' she said and leaned forth looking straight into those closed eyes.

It felt eerie but she watered her lips again and continued 'You are quite ill and you went through all this alone...' she paused and felt her breath catching.

 _why?..._

'Why?' she asked unable to stop herself, her heart beating quicker.

Almost immediately reality settled upon her and she waved him off 'Ah, don't mind my silly questions. What's important is for you to heal and grow strong right? So you can bid us goodbye this time healthy and sound. I have boosted up your antidote you know. I know you never thought much of me at school, but I have taken over as Potions Mistress. Oh, I can hear you right now scowling and telling me I was not fit for the job and you could be right, but the school was in need after the war and I was available; But I think I am doing alright' she paused and passed her hand from her brow.

'I added Dittany and Pomegranate in the new potion. Brewed them for exactly seven hours. Stirred only clockwise and waited for it to shimmer down to a yellow colour which was caused by the addition of Runespoor Eggs. I know it will work. It will clean your body quicker. It was not difficult to make. So why didn't you make it yourself? Why didn't you help yourself?' she asked and looked at him again.

After a long pause she withdrew and crumbled back to her chair 'I don't know why I am asking you. I know you can't speak to me, but I hope you can listen. If you can then listen to this. You have to fight do you hear me?' she asked.

No answer.

She straightened and leaned forward to his bed 'You have to fight. You fought your whole life for others. Now stand up and fight for yourself. That's something worth doing...right?' she said and placed her hand upon his bed. She looked at his hair. A few tendrils cascading upon his cheek before laying heavily on the pillow next to his neck. She raised her hand to remove those tendrils and instantly checked on herself.

 _what do you think you are doing?_...she scowled deeply and lowered her hand

'right...' she murmured. Her eyes fell to the table next to him. She saw her own book. She reached out and picked it up. "Jean Paul Sartre - Nausea" it read in the title. She loved muggle literature and it was a trade given to her by her mother from a very young age. Whenever things went wrong and she needed to find her equilibrium she picked up a book. The more difficult the situation the more difficult the book.

'I love to read Professor, but I guess you may have noticed that from my school days. I might read whilst I sit on your monitoring. I hope you won't mind. I would have loved to have a conversation with you, but since you are ill disposed I will find some company in my books. They always helped me' she said more to herself than to him and placed the book back to the table with a small pat on it's soft cover.

What else could she say to him? That would be meaningful?...

She rose slowly and remained close to his bed 'Get better Professor, I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight' she said softly and without too much thought she reached out and touched his hand. It felt frozen. She withdrew her hand quickly and pressed her lips.

'Goodnight' she whispered and with one last look at the speed of the IV she left and headed for the offices. Upon reaching them she opened the door and stuck her head in 'I think he needs more blankets' she whispered at Poppy. The mediwitch came up to her.

'He has many warming spells on him, it's his poor blood circulation which causes him to be cold' she replied.

'I know but his hand felt frozen, maybe a blanket or something. We don't know how this feels to him. Maybe he needs the warmth and he is unable to find it' Hermione said hoping to Gods she was making some sense.

Poppy smiled at her 'I will put an extra blanket or two above him and renew the warming spells don't worry. Now go, you have a monitoring tomorrow at noon' she said.

'Alright goodnight' she replied and waved at Poppy as she retreated quietly towards her chambers.

**********...*******

*********...********


	9. Chapter 9

Thoughtful she was as she walked to her rooms, thoughtful she was as she sat down on the couch in front of the fire. Marcus looked up from his grading noticing that she was a total mess. She hadn't even said hello to him upon entering their rooms. She  
acted like she has seen a ghost.

'Good evening' he said looking above the rim of his glasses.

She didn't answer to him. He waited for a little while. Seeing no change he tried again 'Good evening?' he tried to sound playful. No answer yet again. He placed his quill down carefully next to his papers and walked over to her taking off his glasses.  
He sat down lightly next to her and placed his hand upon her knee.

'I said good evening. Out there in the world of dreams...can anybody hear me...' he waited a moment and then added '...hear me...hear me...nope, it's just my echo'

She turned around and snorted at him 'Good evening, I am sorry I just have a lot on my mind and I am very tired' she replied and rubbed her face.

'You look it' he mentioned checking her out 'Didn't know that monitoring a man in a coma can make you look like you just got out of a Saturday night at the Three Broomsticks'

She snorted again and this time punched him on the shoulder playfully 'Get out of here...I was not monitoring him today. I was down at the laboratories working my ass off the whole bleeding day' she said.

'Laboratories, why?' he asked summoning a fresh cup of tea for her which she took from his hands with a sigh of relief.

'I went in to work on his antidote. It needed a lot of boosting' she replied.

'How long were you there?' he asked.

'All day'

'You didn't do your monitoring shift then?' he asked.

'No didn't have the time. I needed to work on the potion. Pomona took my place' she replied.

'Why didn't you tell me? I could have dropped by in order to have lunch with you' he rejoined and he sounded slightly accusing.

She frowned 'I didn't have time to socialise Marcus. I was working on a potion that was expected as soon as possible. Snape had been frozen and they were waiting for me to unfreeze and put the new potion on him' she retorted getting on the defensive.

'When the hell then am I supposed to see you Hermione? With all the classes and with this monitoring you have undertaken?' he asked passing his hand from his messed up hair.

'I thought we have discussed this before? I asked you if you had a problem with me doing this' she withdrew feeling attacked.

'I don't Hermione, I just don't know when I will find the time to see you, with everything you have undertaken' he rejoined and looked at her solemnly with his brown eyes.

 _oh you are asking for it..._

'Maybe if you took less time with your grading we could get to see each other more' she stood up and went to the bedroom to take off her clothes. She really was not in the mood to fight right now, but he was truly after it.

'You have already said that too many times Hermione, but you know full well that I take my job very seriously' he retorted following her, but remaining at the entrance of the bedroom door.

She took off her shirt and her skirt followed foot 'And I suppose I don't? What are you implying Marcus? That my job and the responsibilities I am undertaking are less important than yours? You wanna get into comparisons when we are discussing a potion  
that needs to be improved to save a man's life and about grading papers? Fine you're on' she said and threw the dirty clothes to the corner of the room. She turned and looked at him. Right there with her black bra and panties. She placed her hands  
on her hips and tilted her head feeling her hair caressing her naked back.

 _come on...piss me off_...she thought...and pierced him with her eyes.

'You don't understand' he said.

But she was already on fire 'No I don't, make me understand then' she didn't remove her eyes from him.

'With all this I won't get to see you. I mean I will see you tomorrow evening and that's about it for five days in a row. Do you think that is all well and good? Is it for you?' he said and walked into the room trying to get closer to her.

'Yes it is Marcus! All this that you are saying is bleeding temporary. I am trying to help in any way I can to save the man at the infirmary. If not seeing me until he recovers is a problem with you, then we have a very serious problem indeed' she retorted  
not backing away an inch.

He smiled and came from behind her snaking his hands around her waist. She didn't respond to him. She was still frowning. He lowered his head and kissed her collarbone 'Especially when you cannot cancel your grading to remain to dinner with me and Ginny'  
she added unable to help herself. He froze upon her immediately and removed his arms. She tried hard to feel remorse, but she couldn't.

'Ah, there it is then, the thing that has been bugging you for three days now. It's out, come on let's hear it and then let's move on...like to bed or something' he said and looked at her provokingly.

 _oh you asshole..._

'Indeed you are right, your obsession with your classes and your grading has been bugging me. Not for three days only but for a lot longer than that. Currently I am worried to death about the man dying at the infirmary. So my bugging about your grades  
comes a distant second. Are we clear?' she asked knowing that throwing him to second place would shake him enough. His countenance closed up tight and his lips thinned. He nodded stiffly.

'Very well, I am going to return to my grading and I will leave you to your devices. When you decide to be less of a bitch you can come and talk to me' he replied.

Her mouth dropped open as he turned and left the bedroom. She turned around and found the first thing in her view and threw it with force upon the closing door. It smashed to pieces. It was one of their photos together. She closed her eyes and drew several  
deep breaths. She never expected their brawl to end this way. She covered her eyes and tried to empty her mind. Without realising it she slid upon the bed and the next thing that came over her was sleep.

*******...********

Severus felt..warm...it was as if he was buried inside warm blankets, but the warmth that had succeeded the cold he had been feeling earlier was distant...somehow. As if it didn't belong to him physically. Apart from that, he felt nothing else. He could  
hear nothing either. It was as if he was blind and deaf; But was he supposed to be feeling anything? He couldn't well remember. He breathed evenly and felt softness moving around him.

 _weird..._

He didn't really want to open his eyes from fear of losing that absolute serenity into which he was enveloped. That silence. That immobility. It held more magic in it than he ever handled through his wand and mind.

... _magic_...?

He wanted to remain there forever. He wondered distantly if he was dead. If that is what it felt like to be dead. Did he deserve such peaceful death? And if it was death why was he even debating on it? Another long peaceful breath. Confused thoughts tried  
to tell him that something bad was supposed to be happening every time he breathed, but they weren't clear enough for him to understand them. He pushed them back. Whatever was supposed to happen, was clearly not happening so those bothersome thoughts  
could very well shut up and leave him in silence one more time.

 _silence_...

How many times in his life had he truly enjoyed complete peace and silence. Again, he couldn't remember, because he couldn't remember what his life had been like. On afterthought it felt like it hadn't been all that good, but he was sort on the details.  
As he was sort on the knowledge of who he was. He had no clue and he didn't mind it at all. All he was aware of, was the sense of warmth upon his skin, the immobility all around him and the complete darkness that surrounded him. He didn't want to  
open his eyes. He felt like smiling and so he did, knowing that no one was watching him. He had a reason to smile. No one was hunting him.

 _hunting me...?_

Another soft sigh and his body felt so comfortable in that position. He savoured the feeling. He was rather certain that he was in prone stance. He felt his nose touching the soft ground. His painless breath...

 _painless...?_

...stirring something soft all around him. His lips almost tasting the ground. It was warm and dry. The same softness was caressing his lips.

 _rather beautiful..._

Without even attempting to open his eyes he drifted off to sleep. Or was it not sleep, but loss of consciousness?

 _I can't be dead..._

One cannot fall asleep in death. Then where was he? ...that last thought dimmed slowly into his mind as sleep came over him.

*******...*******

*******...*******

Hermione sat down next to his bed and gathered her robes around her protectively. She was anything but feeling nice this morning. After last night's fight, Marcus didn't come to sleep with her at the bed. He didn't even come inside to cover her up and  
she ended bearing a stiff back accompanied with a pain that run down her left leg. She murmured a curse under her breath trying to find a more suitable position for her pained body.

'Bloody asshole...'

'Ah! no swearing in my infirmary, and no wand waving, what are you doing?' Poppy asked drawing the curtain behind her. A Hufflepuff student had an accident last night and the infirmary was anything but quiet this morning.

'Good morning. I intended to cast a silencing charm around us so as not to be bothered by those kids and another one to transform this bloody chair to something more comfortable. A cushioning charm would have been good also' she replied leaning forward  
and rubbing on her back.

'Didn't sleep well? what's up?' Poppy asked and passed her in order to check on Snape's IV and vital signs.

'No, I had a rather nasty night' Hermione said and observed as Poppy worked meticulously around him 'No change in his heart rate and blood pressure?' she mentioned.

'No, not yet love. I told you the change was not going to happen overnight no matter that you boosted the potion up. He was stable last night though without any surprises, which is a considerable improvement to the life threatening adventure of the night  
before' Poppy replied.

'Oh, I hope I dida good job with the potion' the younger witch said and looked at the man lying on the bed thoughtfully. Immovable as always, panting for breath. His face drawn, his eyes heavy and his long jet black hair cascading around him.

'I trust in your skills' Poppy replied.

Hermione blushed 'Thank you Poppy, I am not sure he would have said the same thing if he was awake though' she added.

Poppy waved him off as if he could see them and participate in the conversation 'No one would ask his opinion honey' she replied 'Now did you wish for a cushioning charm?' the Mediwitch asked.

Hermione nodded.

Poppy raised her wand and in a moment a large easy chair that was also taller than usual appeared under her in the place of the usual infirmary chair. She was able to be on level with him but also felt like she was sitting at her couch at home. 'Just  
don't fall asleep on it please. I need you awake' Poppy winked playfully.

'Ah! that's why neither you nor Pomona transformed it before?' she asked and moved up and down it's cushions.

Oh, that felt good.

Poppy nodded 'Easy to sleep on something like this you know. Difficult to do it on the chair'

'I won't sleep don't worry, I got my homework with me' she reached out and took her book.

'Yes, I saw it when you brought it last night. Now do you want a silencing charm also?' she asked. Hermione nodded and almost instantly the raised voices of the Hufflepuffs were off.

Hermione smiled and leaned to his bed. She reached out and touched his hand as she had done last time. This time it felt distinctly warm. She smiled 'He feels warm' she said.

Poppy nodded 'Yes, you wereright. Two extra blankets and three warming spells and we helped his bad circulation nicely'

'I am glad. Last time it felt like I was touching a dead body' she said and felt his warm smooth skin under her palm.

'I am going to hit the bed. Minerva will change shifts with you in the evening. Are you sure you need nothing more?' she asked and looked around.

Hermione shook her head negatively 'No, I have everything I need. The elves will bring me my tea up, I have notified them. Go get some rest, go' she said.

Poppy raised the curtain 'Now, will you keep your voices down in my infirmary!' she cried to the children 'Bloody rebels the lot of them. The elves are going to be keeping an eye on the Hufflepuffs also. Whatever you need just call me. I will be sleeping  
in my office' she said.

Hermione nodded 'We'll be ok, go' she said again. Poppy smiled and left the curtain fall into place behind her again.

Hermione looked back to his face and watered her lips 'Good afternoon Professor' she said 'I am glad you started feeling warm again. It must have felt very uncomfortable being as cold as you had been yesterday' she said. Then she realised with dread that  
she was still holding his hand. She removed it quickly as if she was touching fire 'Oh, I am sorry, didn't realise..' she added with an uncomfortable smile.

She pressed her lips and looked towards the windows. It was a sunny day today. Perfect for a walk outside the castle, but as tempting as it was to be outside, she was also very glad she was here with him this morning. Her brawl with Marcus and the cold  
tension upon greeting each other this morning foretold than no walk around the lake with him would have been truly enjoyable. Theyhad unfinished agendas from last night. So better use the opportunity to find some peace and quiet in here.

'It's very bright isn't it? Doesn't it bother you?' she asked and then looked at the curtains critically. She took out her wand and drew the curtains closed and at the same time transformed them silently to a darker shade of maroon in order to keep most  
of the sunshine outside.

'You are sleeping, it's not appropriate to have the sun straight onto your eyes, right?' she asked and looked at him.

 _well isn't it romantic seeing him sleeping instead of dying?_...she winced.

She adjusted his covers to make sure he was well tucked and leaned back to her easy chair with her book. She opened it at the page she had left it off and with one last look towards him she started calmly reading. All thoughts of her fight with Marcus  
slowly erased under the printed words of Sartre. Books had always been her saviour in times of need. They always offered her peace when everything else sucked on her energy like a vortex. As always this time was no different. A soothing wave of serenitycovered  
her mind and body and without realising she remained immovable for a long time.

When finally she managed to put a full stop at her book she looked at the wall clock. She had been reading for two hours. His condition had remained almost unchanged if you excluded some ups and downs of his heart rate and blood pressure, but nothing  
dramatic. She put a finger at the book so as not to loose the page and leaned towards him again.

She studied his face one more time. He looked so much asleep it was eerie being so close to him. She had a feeling he was just going to open his eyes and look at her with that unnerving stare that used to raise the hair on her back during her school days.  
She shook her head and passed her hands from her tired eyes. She yawned and stretched freely upon the easy chair and then leanedher arm parallel to his. Almost touching him.

She scrounged her nose 'Ok, so you are all hooked up with nothing better to do than sit there right?' she asked.

beep beep beep beep beep...

'I'd wager that you are bored in there' she said and observed his smooth forehead. Her eyes passed from the black tendrils that were covering his brow. They looked so slick that she felt the sudden urge to touch them, like she did last time. So like the  
last time she crashed that need.

She quietly blamed that random flare to touch them at their texture which looked soft. Something that came in contrast to her hair that always felt rough and untamed. She took a long lock on the back of her hair and twirled it between her fingers. Rough  
as always.

'I'll tell you what...I have an idea' she said taking a deep breath and looking at his parted lips drawing in the short breaths 'I am reading Sartre currently. Muggle philosopher. Don't know if you've heard of him. Grandfather of existentialism, which  
was a philosophical movement. Do you want me to read some to you?' she asked and observed him closely.

 _Waiting for what?_ she wondered

It wasn't as if he was going to answer to her, but that didn't strike out the distant possibility that he might be hearing her. She felt her skin crawling at the thought of someone being unable to communicate, but being able to hear. So she tried hard  
to cover that silence and with that try she also assisted her own endless worry each time she looked at those bubbles bearing his vital signs.

She bit her lip and lowered her eyes 'I suppose you don't and I am forcing myself to you. It's not as if you have a say here is it? You can't just stand up and walk away from me' she paused and hesitated.

'But you see I think that maybe you...you might be feeling kinda lonely in there'...her heart pinched her...'and it's not polite of me to be sitting by your side in silence whilst I can at least share with you my entertainment' she added quickly in order  
to wash away the feeling of anxiety that just came over her.

 _so what am I feeling anxious about? He is in a coma. It's not like he is going to give me a mark at the end of the reading_...she chastised herself.

'Which of course you might not find entertaining at all, right?' she asked.

beep beep beep beep beep...

'Right?' her eyes widened and in a moment of sudden clarity she smiled 'I'll tell you what then. I will start reading to you, and if you don't like what you are hearing you just have to do something about it, yes? Like open your eyes and tell me to shut  
up' she added.

'As is, a reading session has nothing negative to offer you, so I have decided on it. I won't start reading from the beginning though, because I am going to fall asleep as I have already been through it. I hope you don't mind. I will start exactly where  
I left off' she said.

beep beep beep beep beep...

'You know I might find an opportunity to analyse to you what existentialism is. Although I am sure you will draw you own conclusions from this book' she said and smiled sweetly. Her eyes fell to his heart rate again...fifty five...stable.

 _ok...let's read then..._

She leaned back and lowered her eyes to the book 'I have gone out of range of the street lamp; I enter a black hole. Seeing my shadow at my feet melt into darkness, I have the impression of plunging into icy water. In front of me through the layers of  
black, I can make out a pale patch of pink; It is the avenue Galvani. I turn around; behind the gaslamp, far away there is a patch of light; that is the station...' within seconds she was again lost in her reading. The only difference was that this  
time she was doing it out loud. The same feeling of cocoon safety covered her and she inwardly hoped that some of that feeling had escaped from her and had slid onto the man in front of her. No one needed it more than him...

******...******

******...********


	10. Chapter 10

**********...********

*********...************

Severus heard a distant noise intruding his peace. He was feeling so good were he was and he didn't intent to move an inch in order to bother whatever balance had caused this state upon him. He liked it. He could remain there forever. He remembered no  
other state to begin with, but even if he had known, nothing could have been compared to this one.

 _no no..._

He smiled and stretched his fingers that touched a weird softness. He couldn't well identify what it was. In order to do that he'd have to open his eyes and he simply didn't want to do that. His breath stirred that softness which landed upon his nose  
tickling him lightly. It simply felt beautiful.

 _beautiful..._ that was not a word that for some reason he could connect with himself, although he couldn't tell why. He was feeling something beautiful all around him. His body was void of any pain and he was as relaxed as anyone could get. And  
yet there was something that was bothering him slightly. Heard from afar, that noise was intruding into his silence, into his comfort zone.

He didn't need any external factors shifting his balance. He wanted that noise to go away. He stirred his fingers again and the softness fell on his face this time. He smiled wanting to just exist in this void in the exact prone position he was in with  
his eyes closed. Oblivion fell on him like a blanket, but this time it didn't remain for long. The moment the noise started again the oblivion was ruthlessly lifted from his body. He felt himself being drawn away from the emptiness and something else  
begun taking the place of his serenity.

 _Annoyance_...

He tried to ignore the constant mumble that was drilling holes on his ears. He tried in vain not once but many times to return to his sated state. To lock everything outside his complete darkness and to remain there happily for the rest of his forever  
after. Just when he was close to achieving his goal the constant jabber drew him back again.

The place where he was in felt like a world that had stopped turning. It had such a fulfilling sensation. Therefore this noise reminded him that the world hadn't stopped turning. Someone else was in it also and they were wholly bothersome. He tried hard  
to will this voice to stop. He put all his mental power to make it stop speaking to him. To make it go away.

 _Leave me alone, go, leave me alone..._ and he counted. He promised he would count to one hundred and if the voice was not gone by then, he would need to open his eyes to see what was going on around him and maybe tell them face to face to bugger  
away from his world. This was _his_ world...how dare they?

 _One - two-three-four..._ his brows relaxed, ... _twenty-twenty one-twenty two..._ his fingertips caressed the softness under them... _fifty four-fifty five..._ his lips upturned to peaceful smile... _ninety nine-one hundred..._ he  
remained silent, checking for any noises around him.

Nothing...

Everything was peaceful... _thank Merlin..._ the voice had stopped. Whoever it was, they have left him alone. The feeling of wholesomeness covered him again and he willed the darkness to envelope him again.

It did. It slid up his body and mind slowly offering him...

 _Blessed Oblivion..._

'This Mariette is a strapping wench. As I am sitting down at a table at the back, a red faced man starts coughing furiously while she is pouring him a vermouth' ...the same voice said and this time it was not a distant jabber. It was crystal clear and  
spoke almost onto his ear. He drew a sharp breath and tightened his eyes. His fingers grabbed the ground underneath.

 _NO!..._ he cried inside his head and cursed the Gods that were cursing him. He had only wished for peace, nothing more and he had it. That damn voice shuttered it to pieces. Why did he need to know about that Mariette that was a strapping wench?... _who would ever use vile language with me ..._ and  
about an old man that was choking on his own spit? Why couldn't they keep their business to themselves and leave him alone? He raised his head slightly and pressed his forehead to the soft ground. It felt moist. Where the hell was he anyway?

No. He didn't want to know where he was. He didn't care. He only wanted to be left alone, but it seemed that the bothersome voice had a different opinion.

'I am sure you wouldn't have approved of me calling the woman wench Professor, but I can't alter the book now can I? He has a reason for calling her that. You'll see why as we read more' the voice told him.

He shook his head ... _whom is she calling Professor?...what book?...read more?...read more!..._ the information registered and his eyes flew open in milliseconds. At the same moment he closed them again, for the brightness around him was blinding.

 _Curse you..._ he hissed and tightened his fingers on the ground...He didn't want them to read more to him. Whatever they were reading he didn't like it. He didn't care to hear more. Whoever that was they could go away. Leave him alone. He just  
wanted to be left alone...why couldn't they do it?

'I am going to read Eugene Candet. It isn't that I am enjoying it tremendously, but I have to do something' the voice continued it's narration.

... _you can shut up..._ he cursed and he opened his eyes again this time slowly trying to minimise the voice to a meaningless ramble. Trying not to hear the words. Let it at least be distant until he could get up and tell them to shut up, face to  
face.

'Candet is a French Novelist, I might read you a book of his later on if you'd like' the same voice said.

... _i'd like you to fuck off the face of this earth... dear..._ he spat towards the melodic voice and he looked in front of him. His brows quirked. So that is what the softness was. His eyes looked closely at the feather that was rightin front  
of him. Amidst hundreds of his friends. He was lying face down upon feathers.

 _Feathers...?_

'The husband said with an amused voice. I'd say did you see that?' the voice said.

 _Yes I did...amazing..._ he thought observing the feathers around him. Not realising that in reality he had been holding a conversation with the headless voice that rang all around him. He moved his long fingers and touched the feather. It felt  
so soft under his sensitive fingertip. He rolled it about. Several other feathers disturbed by the movement of his hand lifted in the air and fell softly upon his face.

He closed his eyes again, but almost instantly they opened up one more time. Having seen these feathers it was harder for him to just close his eyes and pretend they weren't there. They were so pure and white. As his eyesight adjusted better he observed  
that it wasn't as bright as he thought it to be at first sight. In fact it was rather dark. It looked like it was somewhere between night and day. Not a sunset and neither a sunrise. It looked peculiar.

 _mumble mumble_...the voice spoke again. It was not as if it had ever stopped talking. It was more like that he was managing to drift off away from it for a few minutes. Not that this lessened its effect on him as It was nettling him constantly.

He wondered briefly if closing his eyes again and pretending not to to hear, would bring back that blessed oblivion. He debated moving for what seemed an eternity, but the need to see how far off those feathers were going was very strong. He also wanted  
to catch a glimpse of the rest of the world around him. It felt silent and pacified apart from that bothersome voice.

 _Blah blah blah_ ...the voice continued. It sounded softer somehow. More like, withdrawn in itself. Lost in the worlds that it was reading about. It was better this way. He finally decided to raise his head. Effortlessly it obeyed him, his long  
hair disturbing the feathers all around that rose up in thick clouds only to fall softly to the ground again. He leanedon his elbows and looked up.

 _so beautiful..._ the scene in front of him was almost breathtaking. He was, for lack of better description, in the middle of clearing that was surrounded by a dense forest. Only he didn't seem to recognise this location at all. Around him were  
flower patches in random spots. They looked so accidental. Like someone's job was to spread seeds equally everywhere, but their bag burst open and the remaining of the seeds all fell into one place. The forest was full of high trees...

 _Are they cypress?..._ he wondered and the need to get up and approach them came onto him unexpectedly. Trees covered the whole clearing.

 _Behind me?_ ...he turned around leaning only on one elbow and his brows knitted heavily.

 _A road..._

Looked totally deserted and barren. The complete opposite of the forest around him were nature was alive. That was not what was most strange though. At the sides of the road there wasn't any forest. Nothing was there... He watered his lips uneasily.

He tilted his head in query. It looked as if this was a painting and someone had brushed off the edges of the road with a sponge filled with detergent. Circles after circles of the sponge erasing part of the road also leaving a completely white patch.  
Even there in the middle of the twilight it was bright white. He didn't want to look down that gravel road. It made him feel nervous somehow. Was this the road that had led him here? Had he walked down that road? He found the mere thought of that  
highly disturbing. He turned around hesitantly and tried to find the source of that voice that kept talking.

Blah Blah Blah...a small change of tone there...more concentrated somehow ... Blah Blah Blah...

Nothing. He could see no one. In fact he seemed to be the only occupant of this peaceful scenery. Then where was this voice coming from? He pushed with his hands and came to a kneeling position. And there he saw it a few feet in front of him. The clearing  
didn't contain only those lovely flower patches. It also contained a small lake. He observed the black unmoving waters.

 _black?..._

That is when it dawned to him. He passed his eyes slowly around and watered his lips once again. Everything around him was colourless. The trees were almost black. The flowers and grass deep shade of ship grey. The lake waters black. He looked up. The  
sky pale grey and the feathers all around him white. Yes it was peaceful and beautiful but something was wrong here wasn't it? ...

 _where in Merlin's name am I?..._ he asked himself. The voice was the one that answered to him and this time was not meaningless jabber. It broke through to him clearly. He winced.

'Professor I see my substitute coming. Oh, I think my shift has just finished. Look I'll leave the book here so we can continue it tomorrow what do you think? It's hardly fair for me to take it with me and read to you from a random page again. You'd get  
lost that way. I hope you enjoyed my narration and that I wasn't much of a bother...'

 _no I didn't and yes you were. Go away and don't come back..._ he thought with a deep frown. This voice was to blame for making him open his eyes. And now he was stuck there looking at the beautiful but haunted environment around him wondering where  
in the name of the Gods he was. If that voice had all but shut up, he would still be in blessed oblivion and not confused and rather apprehensive without having a way of knowing _where_ he was.

 _or who I am for that matter..._

Unless of course he stood up and started looking around him. No, he didn't want to do that. The voice was telling him goodbye. That meant that they were going to leave him in peace. And maybe if he lay down and closed his eyes he could get that darkness  
to cover him again and manage to forget what he heard and saw today. Just maybe...

 _I could try..._

'I'll see you tomorrow Professor, get better' the voice said and then...finally silence.

 _get better?..._ he frowned.

He didn't want to observe the forest and look at the black lake waters. Now that the voice was gone he simply wanted to lay down again. So that is what he did. He slowly levelled himself down to the feathers. In the same prone position he had been before.  
A cloud of feathers rose around him and then covered him all over. He felt them falling upon his eyes, lips, cheeks and forehead. One last look upon his hands. They were covered in fluff. The voice was gone and he was alone. Maybe he could forget  
what he had seen.

Maybe just maybe he could stop thinking that the softness upon his cheek was feathers. That the road behind him looked like it had no past, present or future on it; And that the lake waters looked like a mirror. A dark mirror that waited for him to get  
closer so he could see his reflection on it. So he could see who he was. She had called him Professor. That woman's voice had called him Professor once too many times...maybe that could be a start, or maybe not. He closed his eyes heavily and breathed.  
Several feathers caressed his cheek.

 _now that I know what they are, they are not so soft...somehow..._ he thought and tried to draw the darkness upon him one more time. Bring back the silence within.

****...****

Hermione woke up rather tired from last night, but it was not as if she had any real option as to the hour of her awakening. Someone was caressing her bum with something hard but at the same time soft.

 _Marcus...for the love of Queen Mab..._

A hand slid up her thigh making her shiver and a warm wet tongue licked up her shoulder tracing her collarbone to her neck. He had woken up stiff and as it seemed and he was in a mood for love. Hermione felt her mouth sticky and she also needed to pee.

'I see you slept well' she said.

'Mmmm' he murmured and ground behind her.

'Marcus I just woke up! I need time to get worked up you know that' she tried to pull his hand away. She was so dry that he was slightly hurting her. He pulled his hand away and licked his middle finger. Then he placed it on her again. A warm feeling  
started forming in her belly.

'Would that do the job for you?' he asked teasingly straight into her ear.

 _your mouth might have been better..._ but that was asking too much of him. He had made it quite clear from day one that he didn't like performing oral to women, but he didn't mind her giving him a blow job. In fact he loved it. Unfair? Maybe more  
like a deal between partners. It was ok for her pretty much. She had never expected a great love life. She was satisfied with what she had.

'I really need to wake up' she said trying to slide off his finger as it had gone dry again and it was chaffing her sensitive skin.

He pulled away truly bothered and turned the other way "Fine leave me like that..." he cursed under his breath.

She felt the need to laugh at his childish reaction, but pushed it down "Don't be so childish. I am tired and I need to pee and take a bath. Sleep some more"

 _or jerk yourself off, after I leave..._

"Cold as ice..." he muttered.

She shook her head and with a bothered wince entered the bathroom and got into the tub. It was Sunday morning and on these mornings they usually both stayed in bed late. It was the only day of the week where they could sit down doing nothing, but messing  
with one another, but this Sunday was different for her now. She had her shift to take care off. And it was a task that she was looking forward to. It has been a whole week. More like 8 days since she has started the monitoring of Professor Snape.

Eight unchanged days and nights were his heart rate and blood pressure remained stable as always, but not improving. Poppy said that the poison was almost out of his body and that the potion that Hermione made, did it's job very sufficiently. Why was  
he not stabilising on his own then? They didn't know. She could only guess that his body was very fragile and tired. So he still needed monitoring and they were still doing it. Pomona, Minerva, Poppy and her, round the clock.

Also things outside the school were not good either. At least a dozen photojournalists and reporters sat round the clock on _all_ the exits and entrances of the school. No one could come or go without being flogged over by these men and women that  
demanded answers about the lost war hero that was lying on the hospital bed trying to live.

Minerva had placed special wards to the school so no one could enter but still they felt trapped, not being able to move without being chased. Even the secret magical path from the room of requirement to the Three Broomsticks wasn't safe anymore. There  
were reporters there waiting round the clock and no matter the tries of the owner to kick them out, more were ready to take their place.

Therefore when yesterday evening Marcus and Hermione finally had the opportunity to dine out with Ginny and Harry at Hogsmeade, they fell victims of this new journalistic madness.

 _The hunting for Severus Snape._

They had barely stepped foot outside the doors when a large group of people shoved magical quills into their faces and started asking questions.

'Is Professor Snape currently hospitalised in Hogwarts?'

'How is his health?'

'What is he suffering from?'

'Who found him?'

'Is he awake?'

'Has he said anything?'

'Are you sure it isn't an impostor?'

Myriads of questions that neither Marcus nor Hermione were keen to answer. The school was not going to confirm his presence there. The Ministry was already upon their case and were monitoring the whole deal closely. Even the Malfoys found out and Draco  
and his father made a humble appearance to the Headmistress asking for an audience with Draco's godfather.

Which was a fair request, if it weren't for the same unaltered factor that messed everybody's plans. That the man was still unconscious. Hermione wondered idly if he were conscious, _would_ he want to talk to all those people? He had fled publicity  
for seven years, so she rather thought that he wouldn't. That made things even more difficult for the school. What mood would he be in when he woke up to find out that he was in the exact spot that he had been trying so hard to avoid? At the spotlight?

Her and Marcus had fled the reporters as quickly as they could answering no questions, but only when the reached Hogsmeade and they were one step from the Three Broomsticks did the reporters back off from them. It was Harry that did the job by warning  
them that he would have to arrest them for public prosecution. That wasn't the end of it though, because Harry had his own agenda with the man.

If there was one magical person waiting for Professor Snape to wake up so they could talk to him, then this man was her best friend. In the time frame of one week, he had lost weight and his eyes bore dark circles. Which meant that he had not been sleeping  
well. Ginny attested that Harry was haunted by the knowledge that Snape was alive and till he had a chance to speak with him, he couldn't rest. Neither in body nor in soul. Hermione knew how significant all this was to Harry. She couldn't have helped  
him even if she wanted. Only Professor Snape could offer that assistance, but he was ill disposed.

 _No one somehow..._ seemed to actually realise that. It didn't sink into their thick heads. How many of these people actually cared how he was. Not how he _was_ in terms of _when_ he was going to wake up, but how he _truly_ was.

If he was hurting inside that coma. If his heart was still in pain, if he could hear what was going on around him. How it felt for him to be there trapped inside an invalid body unable to move or communicate. Didn't anybody wonder what it _really_ felt  
like to him? That was the main reason she kept up the reading sessions with him, upon each monitoring.

Even though after a certain point his monotonic response of bleep bleep bleep to each of her questions or to every passage she read, was starting to feel rather uncomfortable. She felt like she had been reading to his monitoring machines more than reading  
to him in person. At least those were speaking back to her. His lack of response though didn't dampen her spirits.

She arrived punctually, she ordered her tea with the elves and then picked up her book and read to him every nonsense she could get her hands on. It didn't matter, if it just meant that he could feel that someone was out there with him, willing him to  
wake up that was enough. Somewhere between her long passages she found chances to ask him questions, or make various humorous comments about this and that. Just to spice up things and of course the answer was the never ending bleep.

She winced as she felt the tepid water running down her body and placed her head under the water closing her eyes. No use thinking anymore. She was already very very later this morning. She hurried up through the bath, tiptoed lightly as not to wake Marcus  
as she dressed and half an hour later she opened the doors to the infirmary.

Upon first look panic blocked all reasonable thought. There were several people around Professor Snape's bed and that was highly alarming. Minerva was there, Poppy, the two men of St. Mungo, Professor Flitwick and Pomona also. Hermione felt her heart  
leaping to her throat in a panicked state and dashed into the room without minding that the door crashed behind her notifying everyone of her presence.

 _he is dead ..._ her panicked mind screamed and that moment she saw all of them turn to look at her.

 _Ah, no, that's not right. When someone dies people don't smile._

She frowned and slowed down her pace silently strengthened by that knowledge. Everyone, or at least most of them were smiling. She offered a smile back at them but her eyebrows remained knitted.

'Good morning what? ...what happened?' she asked upon reaching them and tried to see to the bed.

'Good morning Professor, and isn't it indeed a _good_ morning? ' Minerva said and made room for her to pass.

Hermione saw it immediately and the smile widened upon her lips. The machines were gone. The life supporting machines that were stabilising his heart and enabled him to breathe were gone. The only thing that remained was the IV with her potion, with a  
new IV addition to the other arm. She looked at his face and tried to understand what was different about him. The dark circles around his eyes were still prominent but they seemed lighter, which made him look younger, but that was not it.

It was his mouth, which was closed. His lips were not parted anymore trying to struggle with each breath. He was breathing from his nose. She looked at his chest rising and falling calmly. No more quick laboured breathing, trying to cling on to life.  
His breaths were long, deep and rhythmical. And there was also another thing. His head had turned slightly towards the window. As if he had moved inside his coma.

 _people don't move inside a coma Hermione dearest..._ she scolded and voiced her thoughts.

'He moved?' she asked no one in particular but she was looking at Minerva.

The old witch nodded but Poppy answered 'Yes he did! Last night. Upon Pomona's monitoring' she said.

Pomona smiled and at the same time raised a small white handkerchief and dried her eyes nodding 'She called me and I checked on his vital signs. His heart rate had gone up and it was very stable and his blood pressure had also risen. I called on the doctors  
immediately. We had him under check all night, and we decided to unhook him this morning to see how he would do. For almost an hour now he had been breathing on his own' Poppy sounded satisfied and smug.

Hermione smiled unwillingly 'So that means he is out of the coma?' she asked.

One of the Mediwizards answered 'Yes it seems so. The poison is clean out of his body and he is able to move parts of his body. So have to assume that now he is in what we call deep sleep' he said.

'So anytime he may wake up?' Hermione asked and tried not to sound too excited.

The Mediwizard shook his head 'I wouldn't bet on a day to day miraculous recovery. He may have managed to work his heart on his own but that doesn't mean he is out of danger. It only means that he is out of the _immediate_ danger. What needs to  
be done now, is careful monitoring of his heart and let him work off the fatigue and illness of his body in order to see if he wants to come back to us' he said.

'The man brushed shoulders with death. Haven't seen a closer call and I am working the field for twenty years' Poppy said 'He needs time. We have done all we could medically. The second IV is the potion for his heart which he needs to take round the clock  
in order to strengthen it. A treatment which I might add requires patience and time. Yet he is still unconscious isn't he? No one can bring him back, but he himself' she said and the smile died down upon her lips.

'I am confused. If this isn't a coma and it's just a deep sleep why can't we say, tap his shoulder and wake him up?' she asked.

'Let's just call him on a limbo state Hermione. He is between states. If it was so easy we would have woken him up already by being around him discussing. This man can't hear us' Poppy replied.

 _I am not so sure about that..._

'Or if he can, he can't do anything about it right? ' she asked out loud.

'He has shown signs of being able to control his body partly. He moved his head and the reflections on his hands and feet work fine. Look' one the Mediwizards said. he approached and took out his wand. He turned Snape's palm upwards and placed the wand  
at the middle. Slowly he drew a straight line down his palm. The fingers on the hand twitched nervously at the sensations of the wand.

'Previously he was totally unresponsive, right?' she asked the man.

He nodded 'Yes, this means that he is coming back to us. How long will it take him, I don't know. His has an impressively strong disposition. The fact alone that his heart managed to keep on beating and his lungs to keep on breathing after being pooled  
with poison for seven years tells a lot about this body's tale. He is a survivor and he is given a chance to overcome his ailments now. What is important is to assist his heart by applying the potion steadily, because that muscle is very weak. The  
snake poison that had pooled around his heart for all these years had managed to do a permanent damage to him. It is removed now but the muscle itself needs time to heal. Now that it is free of the poison it has this chance, but time is also needed.  
He needs not be disturbed. Do not, and I repeat do _not_ try to wake him up on purpose. Let his mind and body heal on their own pace.' the man said.

'That would be kind of difficult considering that we have half the magical world hanging outside his doors waiting for him to wake up' Hermione said and pursued her lips testily.

'That is where we need to keep them then. Outside. I have told you before and I will repeat myself. No contact with anyone about Professor Snape. Hermione you had a nasty encounter yesterday, and we will discuss it in a moment. First let's make a closure  
with the Mediwizards here' she said and turned towards them.

'We are done here. We are not presently needed and if the Professor manages to keep on breathing on his own we are not going to be needed at all from now on. Mistress Poppy has the medication for his heart and the potion for the poison that is currently  
out of his body. By tomorrow you should remove that particular IV and leave only the heart potion and the nutrition. There is a smaller monitor to keep an eye on his heart and blood pressure over there...' the man pointed at the small table near the  
window. Hermione stretched to see it. It read a comfortable 65 in his heart rate and a 12 over 7 in his blood pressure.

 _much better indeed..._ she smiled inwardly.

'...to check on his vital signs. It is connected to us by the same charm as the other spells were. If a change occurs we will be notified. As is we don't need to visit three times a day. Mistress Poppy will take full care of the patient' the man said  
and smiled to her.

'Thank you for everything Rotheus' Poppy said.

'We appreciate your assistance very much' Minerva said. The two of them proceeded to escort the two distinguished Mediwizards out of the infirmary. That left Hermione with Pomona and Filius.

'Pomona dear go take a rest. I am here now' Hermione said and rubbed her back softly.

The stout little witch looked at her and nodded 'It was so shocking you know. I saw him Hermione. I was watching at his face when suddenly he closed his mouth. It didn't register to me at first you know. Such a simple action passes off as natural' she  
smiled and dried her tears again.

Hermione nodded quietly.

'Then I saw him turn his head sideways and that was it really. I hadn't noticed his heart rate before the incident so I don't know if his heart stabilised at that moment, but his breathing also eased out. I called on Poppy and she checked on him. Next  
thing I knew the Mediwizards arrived. We called on Minerva and we all stayed till morning' Pomona said. She looked dreadfully tired but also relieved. Which was understandable.

'Thank Merlin he made a turn for the best' Filius murmured looking at his hands. He looked drawn and thoughtful.

'Now boys and girls, let's split up. Filius please escort Pomona to her apartments. She needs the rest' Minerva called coming back to them. Poppy was still talking to the medi wizards.

'Are you sure you don't need me for anything else Headmistress?' Pomona asked.

'No no, go and sleep this night off dear. You have been a great assistance. Hermione is here now to take over, right?' Minerva asked. She looked happy and uplifted.

'Of course' Hermione replied. Pomona nodded and followed Filius slowly towards the exit.

'Now dearest girl, tell me what happened yesterday evening? I had a discussion with the Ministry this morning and they accepted to place Ministerial wards around the whole village to keep the reporters away, but I don't know for how long I can manage  
to keep this up. Shakelbolt was understanding concerning Snape's privacy for the time of his recuperation, but once this man is up I don't think the Ministry will keep the wards up or the men it has offered us in place' Minerva said.

Hermione shook her head 'Well it was as expected. Me and Marcus almost apparated in front of the three Broomsticks in order to avoid all this mess. They had been expecting us'

'I am pretty sure they did. This cannot be accomplished now that we have the assistance of the Ministry. They cannot keep a trace on us. What did they ask you?' the Headmistress said decisively. Both women turned as they saw Poppy arriving and immediately  
checking on Snape.

'The usual. Is he in here? Is he alive? Dead? Ill? Are we sure it's him and not an impostor etc...etc...' Hermione replied turning her attention towards Minerva.

'You know I am _really_ not looking forward to the moment that the school will be subjected to all that publicity' she replied.

'Maybe we can avoid it for some time' Hermione said thoughtfully.

'Difficult. Even the Ministry that is assisting us in keeping the press out, is doing it because of it's own agenda' the old woman said dryly and Hermione knew what she mean.

'Harry' she replied succinctly.

'Of course. Mr. Potter will do the best he can to assure this man's privacy...so he can have a talk with him. The ends justify the means'

'I know Headmistress' she replied shaking her head 'I know'

'The happiness that overwhelmed me upon seeing this man able to breathe on his own again was overshadowed by what is happening outside this castle' Minerva said observing Poppy at work 'And that's not all. The rumours had passed into the school as was  
expected. We are not isolated. The children are not isolated either. Most of them know who he is, except maybe from the very young ones who will learn upon attending History of Magic soon. We cannot keep this undercover for long. They are asking questions,  
which is completely justified'

'Then answer them' Hermione said.

Minerva snapped her chin in question 'What do you mean?'

'Tell them what is going on officially in some lunch or dinner. Fed curiosity means less trouble' she replied with a smirk.

'They will feed their parents curiosity in turn and then the press will have confirmations. We are doomed then Hermione' Minerva said 'No no, we must keep this a secret for as long as possible'

'But it is not a secret. All know he is here. They just need it officially'

'I won't give it to them. At least not until the man is awake and able to speak with us. I expect you'd understand Hermione. You, that supported his right to hiding so well from us for so many years' Minerva answered.

'And I still do, but I find ludicrous to try and hide something that everybody knows. Better admit to it, but keep it private within the walls. I find that more logical' she replied.

Minerva shook her head 'No and that is final. Now it is your shift. We still need monitoring shifts. He may be able to breathe alone again, but we cannot be sure he won't collapse from one minute to the next. Are you still up to the task? We haven't strained  
you or Marcus too much have we?' Minerva touched her hand.

'No don't worry Headmistress, see I came prepared' she said and took out a new book from her robes.

'Fine then, I will leave you to it. Poppy are we ok here?' she asked.

'Yes Headmistress' the mediwitch replied.

'I am off then, see you two later' she said.

'Goodbye Minerva' Hermione said and waved.

'Come have your seat, don't fret' Poppy told her and pointed at her transformed chair. She had charmed it so that whenever Hermione came into the room it changed into the comfy easy chair.

She smiled and sat down gathering her feet under her legs and smoothing her robes around them 'Anything new I have to look out for?' she asked.

Poppy smiled 'Not really no. Slight changes in breathing would be good though since now he is doing it freestyle and it is not the previously mechanical in and out of the charms. You can also observe for excess sweating or shivers. Both indications of  
a heart attack. Check on his monitors every now and again if you can. And if you see any kind of movements major or minor let me know please'

'Will do' Hermione replied and smiled widely 'You look tired, but also happy' she commented.

'What's not to be happy about? He placed the foot that was dangling above the chasm of death on the ground again' the witch said and looked at Snape almost adoringly. Hermione's smile widened.

'I never had a doubt that he would do it in the end' she replied.

'You did now, didn't you?' Poppy asked drawing a deep breath.

'Sure did, never met a more cynical man in my life. He was probably as misanthropic in his dealings with the Grim Reaper as he was with us all these years. No wonder he was send back to us. Who'd want to keep him?' she winked playfully.

Poppy pursued her lips 'Oh, you're lucky he can't hear you' she said warningly.

'Uhm, teasing my old sour Professor is a thing I would do only if he was comatose. The opportunity fell on my lap' she replied and raised her shoulders.

Poppy laughed lightly 'Ah, I am glad you are here Hermione with your clever and playful wit'

'I am glad I can be of assistance to you mistress' she replied with a sweet smile.

'Enough pleasantries and what have you. I am off to get some rest. As always I will sleep in my office. Things couldn't be better for him Hermione, but we are far from danger yet' Poppy said and looked at her.

'I am aware of that don't worry. I will look after him' she said and smirked.

Poppy smiled back 'Very well I am off, see you later' she said

'Have a good rest' she waved. Then the curtain fell back in place and all of a sudden there was silence. Not as the previous silences that were accompanied by his laboured breathing and the constant bleep bleep of the charms that kept him alive. This  
time the silence was deep and real.

She looked at him and for the first time since coming in her brows furrowed. She leaned forward and extended her hand above his own. It was still palm up. Left there by the Mediwizards that tested his reflexes. She hesitated for a second and looked at  
it. Not able to resist the inappropriate urge to touch his long fingers, she lowered her hand and placed it above his as she had always done each time she visited with him.

She had made something of a ritual out of it. She always touched the back of his hand and asked him how he was feeling. She looked towards their hands. Hers clasped loosely above his open palm, looked vaguely as if they were holding hands. She shook her  
head to the ludicrous thought and turned to his face. It was turned towards the window. His lips closed this time, his breathing clear with deep long breaths of sleep. He seemed calm instead of haunted. Must have been the fact that he was not supported  
by charms in order to be alive, she reasoned.

She watered her lips 'Good morning Professor. I am so glad you are feeling better' she said and her hand moved slightly above his palm. The softness of his skin grazed her own. The throb that formed there worked it's way towards her wrist. She swallowed  
a rather dry throat and looked at him again.

No answering bleeps this time. Now it didn't feel like she was ludicrously speaking to a machine. Now it simply felt uncomfortable, but convinced that this was the best way to continue she tilted her head 'You have made a lot of people happy today Professor.  
Amongst them...uhm ...me' she said softly. Her voice barely heard. The throb on her palm and wrist becoming more insistent. She removed her hand slowly.

 _what the hell was that?_

'Ha, but knowing you, you'd _hate_ making people happy right? So this must be right down miserable for you' she said playfully, more in order to cover her discomfort at touching his palm. She rubbed the heel of her own palm on her robes trying to  
erase the feeling. It was gone instantly.

'They told us, I mean the Mediwizards told us that you are now able to breathe on your own, but you still need monitoring, so here I am again to your utter frustration. Guess what I brought with me?' she said and took out the new book.

'We finished Sartre as you might remember last time. So I decided to change themes and not continue on philosophy. I will take my chances with literature. Classical English Literature. I don't think it's up your road, but why don't you give it a try?  
You might like it, right?' she asked and flipped the book in her hands open.

'It's Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility' she said and looked at him again. Unmoving. His hair had fallen upon his neck covering it, and had slid upon the pillow and below his shoulder line. Trapped behind his back.

 _That must feel slightly uncomfortable..._

She leaned forward again and erasing the momentary hesitation she touched his hair. A few moments ago she had been holding his hand for Merlin's shake. Touching his hair seemed trivial compared to that. They felt very soft under her fingers and very smooth.  
She paused at the sensation. She didn't expect his hair to feel this way. It was a pleasant surprise. She shook her head to clear the awkward thought. She moved his shoulder softly so as not to bother him and freed the trapped locks. She rested them  
on the pillow out of his way.

'There' she said to him 'That's better'

She leaned back and made herself comfortable again and turned to her book 'Yes, I know what you are thinking. Female writer, oh joy, but you know what? I have heard that Jane Austen was actually a man. A huge Yorkshireman with a beard you could hide a  
badger in' she said playfully and laughed at her own joke. No answer from him though. Her smile died down as she lowered her head to her book and started reading softly. The strong wind outside the castle was echoing behind her words that slowly unfolded  
a new story.

'The family of Dashwood had long been settled in Sussex. Their estate was large, and their residence was at Norland Park, in the centre of their property, were, for many generations, they had lived in so respectable manner, as to engage the general good  
opinion of their surrounding acquaintance...' as she got lost in her narration she didn't notice that she was rubbing her palm and her wrist softly.

******...*******

*******...*******


	11. Chapter 11

*********...*********

*********...*********

Severus didn't want to acknowledge both the wave of relief and annoyance he felt when he heard the melodic voice talking to him once again. He leaned his body upon a nearby tree and closed his eyes. He was not alone anymore. There was no more silence and no more muffled voices either. This was a voice he knew. It was clear as a bell and addressed to him as always. Calling him Professor, telling him that he made people happy.

Why? He didn't care... He was not alone anymore and that was the only thing that mattered. He tried to calm his wildly beating heart. He had been walking around this place for a long time. At some point he laid down on the ground in the same prone position and prayed that he would find that peaceful feeling of oblivion again.

He managed nothing more than a disturbed sleep, which wasn't true sleep either. In that slumber he was disturbed by more meaningless voices. He couldn't truly understand them, for they were not speaking to him. They were not like this melodic voice that was talking right now about a family named Dashwood. He closed his eyes and tried to erase the disturbing images around him.

He had no idea how many nights or days he had passed there in this strange reality, for there was no night or day. No sunrise or sundown. There was nothing to indicate the time of day. He was lost in time and also void of senses, for everything around him lacked in colour, in smells and in sounds. The flowers didn't smell, the air didn't move at all and the sky had no clouds or stars on it. Neither did it have a sun or a moon. There were no birds, animals or insects. The grass bend under his fingers but it felt otherworldly, like it was made out of rubber. Everything seemed to have paused in one moment in time. Immovable and void. Of everything...

 _everything..._

He opened his eyes and rubbed his forehead. He was the only one moving in this place and that made him feel highly uncomfortable. He tried hard to find the woman that was behind the soft melodic voice, but she was nowhere to be seen. The weirdest of all was, that no matter where he went inside this alternate reality the voice seemed to be following. It was always as if she spoke above his head, close to him. Making him turn to look behind expecting to see her standing there, but as always she wasn't.

He tried to find the sources of the other voices also, the unclear, muted ones, but he found no proof that anybody existed behind them either. All these things made him wonder where he was. He was not in England anymore and that was clear. He actually doubted that he was in any other country on earth. Something was seriously wrong in this place and the fact that he couldn't well remember _who_ he was, made him rather tense.

He tried to hear that soft voice whenever it spoke to him. Not in narration, but when she was asking him questions or telling him something about himself. Trying to gather some information about what was happening to him. He figured out that he was probably not very well and that he was also a Professor of something. He also learned that the voice had a strong preference about something called muggle literature. It bother him to unlimited extent that the word muggle stirred something inside his mind. He knew it. He just couldn't bring that knowledge within reach and that was frustrating.

 _Fucking hell..._ he cried inside his mind and without being able to control his reactions he took a rather large stone and threw it away from him. It bounced upon the ground silently _again_ and splashed into the lake waters. Disturbing the perfectly still mirror they created. Not even the plop of the stone was heard. He saw the waters rippling outwards on the shore and felt stupidly happy that he disturbed _something_ inside this unholy place.

He walked over towards the lake but stopped before reaching it. The ripples were becoming more infrequent. He debated briefly, if it would be wise to lay down again in front of the lake and try _one_ more time to bring back that blessed oblivion; It didn't take him long to crash that thought under the cruel thumb of his brain.

He had to learn _where_ he was and _how_ to get out of there. Maybe that voice could help him. If he could only speak to it, but along with everything else crazy in this place he also found out that he couldn't speak. He could form clear thoughts and understand as much as he could about what was going on around him, granting that he couldn't define what exactly all _this_ was.

He could move about, he could hear clearly, but he could not respond. He tried to do so. Desperately at the end of his tries, but even so nothing had come out. He could speak inside his mind. He could even scream in frustration at his situation, but he couldn't voice it and this was unnerving him. The weight of it all fell on him again and he kneeled in front of the lake. The last ripples were dying down. He looked at the perfectly still mirror of the black waters.

The lake was another problem for him. No matter the instinctive need to draw closer to it, the knowledge that he was going to see his face in those mirror like waters, was stopping him. Deep down inside he didn't want to see his face. Something kept him from wanting to know who he was, but that was not even the worst of this place.

There was one thing that bothered him even more than the lake.

 _the road..._

He turned his head warily towards the barren road. His eyes fell on the thick erased edges. It looked...eerie...to say the least. He swallowed at what felt _like_ a dry throat, because he had no dry or wet mouth or throat. Neither did he have any need to eat or drink anything. What the _hell_ was going on with him?

 _Where the HELL am I?_...he cried inside his mind and tightened his fists. Anger was starting to form inside of him. Anger and frustration. He needed to get out of here.

 _and you probably know where I am don't you? ..._ he asked the soft voice that kept on narrating the new book she had brought to him.

'The first part of their journey was performed in too melancholy a disposition to be otherwise than tedious and unpleasant. But as they drew towards the end of it, their interest in the appearance of a country which they were to inhabit overcame their dejection, and a view of Barton Valley as they entered it gave them cheerfulness...' the melodious voice kept on narrating without having heard him.

 _Don't you?..._ he hissed getting up on his feet. His anger boiled closer to an explosion and he was neither able nor willing to stop it. ... _Don't YOU?!_...he growled inside his mind.

'As a house Barton Cottage, though small, was comfortable and compact; but as a cottage it was defective...' the voice continued not bothered by his seething anger.

He looked around him, knitted his brows and tightened his fists ... _stop it do you hear me? Stop talking about nonsense and help me get the fuck out of this limbo...! ..._ he demanded.

'A narrow passage led directly through the house into the garden behind. On each side of the entrance was a sitting ...' the voice continued unnerved.

A sudden image that came to his mind, made him grab his head and fall to his knees heavily ...On each side of the entrance was a sitting gargoyle...

 _gargoyle...castle..._ the same image flickered again inside his mind making him wince and hiss in pain... _damn..._ he tried to mute the voice. His head was splitting up with a sudden headache that thundered through his whole nervous system. That image...what was it? It represented a large iron bound door that had two sitting gargoyles left and right. It seemed like the entrance to a castle, but he knew no more. The pain that this memory caused him was still thundering through his head. He wanted to moan out loud but he was unable to vocalise.

'The situation of the house was good. High hills rose immediately behind it, and at no great distance on each side...' the soft voice spoke near him.

The seething anger got fed by his pain and got triggered by the voice's impassive narration, which seemed not troubled by his ailment. He flared up and grabbed stones from all around him. Then he begun throwing them violently into the lake. Trying to draw some sound out of the environment. Any sound would do apart from that voice. That voice that had become his nightmare and his sanity at the same time.

 _Shut the fuck up, do you hear me!? Stop it...!_...he cried inside his mind in blinding fury. His hair waving wildly, whipping his face as he stormed to the clearing searching for more stones. His eyes wild, his lips withdrawn bearing his teeth in hatred. He didn't know how long he continued throwing stones into the lake in a futile effort to exhaust his anger, but when he finished he was on his knees again panting. His clothes a complete disarray, his hair falling in front of his face covering half of it.

''His countenance was thoroughly good humoured; and his manners were as friendly as the style of the letter...' the voice rang clearly inside his mind.

His anger was put temporarily at bay by his childish reaction. He was no longer provoked by the calmness of the narration, that seemed so oblivious of his problems.

 _You will neither shut up, nor will you help me. What do you want from me?..._ he asked in no real hope of getting an answer. He looked up towards the sky. Unmovable and ...empty. He raised his hands and covered his eyes. What was he going to do? What was that image that snapped his mind in half? This was the most exciting and disturbing thing that had happened to him since he had first opened his eyes.

 _what does it mean?..._

He drew his hands off his face slowly and looked towards the lake. Then he looked towards the morbid road. He lowered his hands and breathed deeply through his nose. There was only one way out of here, he would well do to remember that. That way was not through the forest, or through the voice. That left two other options to him. The lake and the road.

He looked again at the mirror like waters. Black as the darkest night. Nothing could be seen under them. Total Oblivion, but not blessed. This oblivion was unearthly and he was not ready to approach the lake, No.

His eyes turned towards the road again. He pursued his lips and stood up slowly. Muting the narrating voice he gathered all his strength and started walking towards the spine-chilling erased road...

*********...********

*********...********

Hermione looked at the pure white lilies that adorned the small vase she had dug up from her apartments. They looked beautiful and brightened up his corner very well. She turned her eyes at him again. He was as always peacefully asleep, unaware of her vigil. His eyes forever closed, his lips tight. His chest breathing steadily inside the serenity of his slumber. The dark circles under his eyes looked much better now after almost two weeks of hospitalisation.

Her eyes fell on his exposed forearm, which was painfully thin as always. He hadn't gained an ounce since they found him. But how could he? With the feeding potions Poppy was giving and Hermione was making for him? They had done next to nothing about his weight. He needed real food in order to get back in shape, but in order to do that he had to first wake up.

A week to a day since they had unhooked him and he was still in deep slumber. He had managed to keep on breathing on his own and his heart was very stable, but he had barely moved. Sometimes a finger moved or a muscle under his collarbone or neck twitched. He didn't even try to move his head again, since he had last done it in front of lucky Pomona. If only he would have done it with her, she would have been there to help him through. To talk to him. To urge him to do it again, but no. He decided to be completely immobile.

She drew a deep heavy breath. She couldn't very well hide that her first spark of happiness upon seeing him unhooked, died down after observing no change in his condition. Poppy kept telling her that he was very stable and that was good news. Hermione though needed to see him open his eyes, but he wouldn't grant her the favour. She knew she was becoming almost obsessed with her vigil. Poppy told her so discretely. Marcus had mentioned it also, not so discreetly.

She was keeping her rounds with religious timing and she went into the infirmary with a feeling of longing. To leave with a feeling of apprehension. Longing because she was certain that _this_ time he was going to wake up, apprehension when he didn't. She was still trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing by talking to him. By reading her books to him, but as time passed by she wasn't so sure.

After realising that she was bordering to an obsession she tried to take some days off her monitoring. Good heavens there were a lot of Professors willing to take her place. Marcus encouraged her, after seeing that she was indeed getting too caught up in this situation. Inclined as she was by him, she took two days off. Five hours into the first day she had gone to Minerva to tell her that she didn't want that leave. Soon enough she was back at her usual easy chair next to his bed. Reading him her books and talking to him as if she was talking to a good friend.

 _wrong parallelism..._ she scolded herself.

Marcus had been mad at her cancelling their two days off the school. He had arranged for them to go to his parent's house. She knew she had been unfair to him, but she couldn't get herself to be _that_ sorry, although she wouldn't let Marcus know that. Seeing his parents was not something she was looking forward to. Especially when she knew that her man was getting ready to drop a proposal and give her the engagement ring.

Her stomach tightened upon the thought and she stood up to remove some locks from Professor Snape's forehead in order to draw her mind to easier things. During these two weeks she had also grown more at ease with his physical presence. No matter how weak he looked, he was still very imposing to his surroundings. She moved from touching his hand gingerly, to straightforward pressing it in order to offer him some comfort. Removing his hair from his face, moving his head in different positions so as not to wake up stiff, covering him up, checking his medical paraphernalia and generally anything that had to do with his physical comfort.

To hell with it, he needed someone to take care of him didn't he? He was a right old mess. Alone and probably scared in there inside his mind. Not knowing how to return to them. What else could she do for this lonely man, but read to him and talk to him in order to make him feel less lonely and try to alleviate any physical discomfort, since he was unable to move on his own.

Another deep breath left her mouth and she looked at the flowers again. She had also gotten into the pattern of bringing him flowers every two days. Poppy was surprised when she first saw them and told her that this was by no means a 'flower man'.

Hermione had brushed that off by telling her that she spent six hours every day there, so she might as well do it in a more homey environment. No more arguments from the Mediwitch after that. She was pretty sure that he was going to be bothered by the flowers if he woke up and saw them, but she didn't mind. Let him wake up and she'd throw them out the window that very moment.

She stood above him with her hand still on the pillow where she had reposed the locks she removed from his forehead. She shook her head with uncertainty and pursued her lips 'You've been looking out the window since I came in. Gods know how long before that also. I think it would be wise to turn you around, yes? Or else your neck will get stiff' she said.

No answer.

'Alright let me do this for you' she said. She placed her hands under the back of his head as softly as possible and lifted it. It never failed to surprise her with it's heaviness considering that the man looked as thin as a pin. She turned his head to her and reposed it back to the pillow. Taking care to remove any long strands of hair before putting it down. It shifted the pillow under it's weight. Her fingers remained entwined with the hair on the back of his neck. They slid between her sensitive finger balls caressing them. A small electric discharge rolled down her fingers and onto the back of her hand. She looked at him and removed her hand carefully. If his eyes had been open he would have been looking straight at her. She lowered her hand and lifted his blanket to cover his shoulder 'That's much better' she murmured.

She sat down on her chair and leaned back tucking her legs beneath her robes. She resumed her book and started reading again. Seeing the black-haired head looking at her direction from the corner of her eye. Making her feel as if he was watching her.

 _was it a good idea to turn his head?..._

She snapped her eyes to him one more time. Silent as always and sleeping. She raised her eyebrows and returned to her book deciding that she was not ready to move him again so soon.

She didn't know how long she remained immovable, consumed by her own reading, lost in other magical worlds, but next time she looked up it was because of a loud sound. It was not coming from the man in front of her as she would have wanted. It was coming from behind her.

'Let me pass!' a man's voice demanded.

'What the hell are you doing here?! You shouldn't be here! Get out!' Poppy's voice yelling.

'I said let me pass' the same voice spoke with haughty demand. Then the loud noise repeated itself. It sounded like metal sliding over a wooden surface. Like beds being pushed roughly out of the way.

'I said get out! What are you doing? Lucius?!' Poppy cried.

 _Lucius?..._

Hermione stood up quickly, drew the curtain and the unexpected events caught up with her when she saw Lucius Malfoy walking towards her decisively. Poppy was running after him, trying to stop him and uttering threats. She raised her hand and stepped in front of him.

'Wait please' she said feebly. He bypassed her from the side and before she knew it he was standing at the end of Professor Snape's bed leaning his bare hands upon the railings. He was panting.

'Oh bloody hell' he murmured upon looking at Snape. He went distinctly pale. Poppy came up behind Hermione and stood in front of him with her hands upon her waist.

'I said GET OUT!' she ordered and pointed towards the door.

'What happened to him?' Malfoy asked both Hermione and Poppy. His eyes were wide and looked shocked. It was pretty clear to Hermione that this was a very worried man and no matter his tainted past, she also knew a lot about his friendship with Professor Snape. Everybody knew these two men were very close. Snape saved this man's son, how could he _not_ be worried?

'You have no right being here. I will notify the Headmistress' Poppy snapped.

He lowered his hand from his mouth and Hermione saw his eyes thickening with anger 'You can notify the Ministry for all I care woman, but I am not going anywhere until I know what happened to this man!' he replied and pointed at Snape.

Poppy's eyes widened in similar anger 'Don't you speak to me like that, Malfoy! You are supposed to be hiding in your house, not roaming around free. You were lucky the Ministry didn't arrest you when they had the chance. Now pack your pathetic little arse and get out of my infirmary and out of this school. How the _hell_ did you get in anyway?' she hissed.

'I used to be in the board of governors or don't you remember? You can keep your offences to yourself, for they don't faze me and I am not going anywhere unless you tell me how he is!' he replied

'That's it, I am notifying Minerva' Poppy turned around and made to go to her office. Malfoy tensed beyond recognition but didn't make any move to leave. Hermione's hesitation was miniscule.

'Wait' she said.

Poppy stopped and looked at her 'What?' she asked exasperated.

'Don't' Hermione said with a slight uncomfortable smirk. Poppy tilted her head in question. Hermione drew a deep breath 'Don't tell Minerva' she said almost in a whisper.

She saw Malfoy straightening from the corner of her eyes. No time for him now though. She concentrated on Poppy 'Have you gone mental Hermione? Don't you know who this man is?!' she cried pointing towards Malfoy.

Hermione looked at him. The man looked far older than she remembered. Much thinner and with very short hair he was almost nothing of the lofty pure blood lord she remembered. Only his eyes were the same. Those blue cold eyes that expressed derision every time they looked at her. This time there was no derision in them though. This time there was only surprise. She wondered idly if he recognised her. If he remembered who she was.

 _It doesn't matter..._

'Of course I know Mr. Malfoy, Poppy. I used to be in the same classroom as his son' she said and smiled to him with boldness. He closed his mouth and tilted his head. He was speechless.

 _a mudblood defending you...must be difficult for you...and the need to remain too strong..._ she mused and turned towards Poppy again.

'Then you must understand that I cannot allow him to remain here. You heard what the Headmistress said. No one must be allowed to see the Professor and moreover a Death Eater!' Poppy said.

'Quit it!' Malfoy thundered.

Hermione raised her hand to him in authority. He frowned but closed his mouth 'Please' she told him. He didn't move.

'Poppy, don't forget that Professor Snape is the godfather of this man's son. At least let's give him the courtesy of a small visit to know about his relative's health' she said.

The old mediwitch placed her hands on her waist looking rather confused 'Hermione what you are asking is against the rules. It's impossible' she said.

'I'll answer for him. I'll remain with him and inform him about the Professor's health. Then I will escort him out of the infirmary. Will that do? Without bothering Minerva or anyone else. Just between us and we will all act like adults. When he finds out what is going on he is going to leave, correct?' she asked this time straight at Malfoy.

He didn't speak.

'Correct?' she asked clouding.

'Yes, of course' he said, a touch of his loftiness returning to his previously broken countenance.

She smiled 'What do you think then, Poppy?'

The old witch remained sceptical for a little too long for comfort. Hermione didn't dare move a muscle.

 _oh come on..._

Poppy looked towards her office and then at Hermione 'Very well, you have five minutes' and then she turned to Malfoy and pointed a threatening finger at him 'Don't think that I am doing this as a favour for you. I never liked you. Make sure I don't see you again in here. At least unofficially' she said vehemently.

Hermione looked towards Malfoy. He simply raised a cold brow. Poppy huffed indignantly and left them to their own devices cursing under her breath.

'Want to sit down?' she asked as she drew the curtain behind them.

'Granger' he almost spat and checked on her from head to toes. The look he gave her was offensive, but she decided to push through the obvious bastard in him and give him what he wanted. That meant information about his friend who she respected to the outmost. That was not a favour she was doing to Malfoy.

 _Hell, no..._

This was done for Professor Snape, and for him alone. She didn't mind that he was not awake to acknowledge her gesture. It felt rightly done by the man that was resting calmly on the bed.

'Malfoy senior' she responded with cold politeness.

'I suppose I have to thank you about this?' he asked thrusting his chin forth.

'Ah, but no Lucius. Don't pamper yourself with the thought that I am doing this for you' she said and approached her easy chair. If he wasn't going to sit, then she was going to do it. She didn't feel the need to stand in front of him. This was her turf and she was very much at ease with herself.

'Of course, Draco has always spoken highly of you and your impertinent character. So what are you doing now? Helping your old Professor? Why? Because you thought you had been unfair to him all these years?' the man manipulated his voice to make his point pricklier. She wondered idly if that was a trait with all Slytherins. The man on the bed was even better at this than Lucius.

'Having a difficulty accepting help from a mudblood then?' she asked calmly and opened her book. She leaned back to her chair without looking at him.

She heard the muffled cough across her and she raised her eyes to him boringly 'So you want to see him? or did you simply come here to have a brawl with me?' she asked and pointed to the free side of the bed.

Lucius paused for a few seconds. His eyes darted to the curtain and Hermione knew he was thinking about Poppy and the limited time he had there. Finally deciding he moved to the side of the bed. When his eyes fell on his friend again his countenance lost all it's derisive loftiness and broke down completely. His lips turned down and his eyes watered. He crossed his hands in front of his abdomen and swallowed loudly. He watered his lips and exhaled. It took him several seconds to speak.

'What...what happened to him?' he asked finally looking at her. She felt her heart mellowing down upon seeing his eyes wet. He truly felt for his friend didn't he?

She placed her book next to her leg and embarked in a very quick downgraded analysis of the last two weeks, in front of a broken down enemy that was all but crying above his friend. Right then and there Hermione realised that maybe, just maybe this man across her, hanging from every word that fell from her lips, was nothing more than a father, a husband and a devoted friend. Not the enemy of an era long dead. He certainly was not the terrifying Death Eater she had met once at the Ministry Vaults...

When she finished she had a broken down Malfoy sitting at the edge of the bed. One hand on Professor Snape's, and the other upon his face. She couldn't very well see if he was crying or not.

'Do you want a glass of water?' she asked. He didn't raise his head from his hand when he spoke and his voice was barely a whisper.

'Can I have a moment alone with him, please?' he asked. This time the loftiness was gone completely from his pleading voice. Where was the egotism, anger and hate she had once known in this man. Had the war eliminated everything out of him?...

 _hasn't it done the same to all of us...?..._

She smiled 'of course. I will be here when you finish' she said discreetly and moved behind the curtain. When she was out of sight she rubbed her face vigorously and drew a deep ragged breath. She moved close to a window and reposed her trembling hands upon the window sill. This was affecting her far more than she had bargained for and she wasn't sure why. She closed her eyes and drew several deep breaths to calm her heart. She had almost managed that when the voice of Lucius penetrated the thin curtain and reached her. What she heard made her eyes burn anew and this time she was unable to hold back the tears.

'Severus?' ...a pause...'Severus can you hear me?'...the whispering voice of Malfoy was saying.

 _oh bloody hell...don't do this to me please..._ she said looking at the closed curtain painfully. She had been emotionally overcharged in her own right. She didn't need another one's emotional turmoil toppling her over.

'It's Lucius... I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to talk to you' ...the voice barely a whisper. She could imagine him touching Professor Snape's hand and speaking close to him.

'They found you alive you know. No one was sure if you had survived the attack. I didn't know it either. If I had known I would have come to you that very same moment I swear to you on my life' the voice pressing, charged.

 _oh dear Nimue..._

'They tell me that you have been struggling for your life for two weeks now. I would have come to you sooner, if I wasn't banned from the school. Nothing would have kept me away Severus. You know that don't you?'

A long pause...

'Don't you?' questioning, worrying.

no answer as usual...

'We go a long way back you and me, don't we friend?'...the voice shifting to reminiscent, soft...'we have survived through hell. Your hell...' a stifled moan that could have been tears.

Hermione's breath caught in her chest as she stretched her ears to hear better.

'Your hell more prominent than mine had ever been, but you were always very important to me friend. You have people around you that love and respect you, even though you always thought the opposite. I couldn't have showed it better than when I trusted my son's life in your hands. Narcissa...' the voice paused with another moan. A long pause ensued.

 _he is crying..._

'Narcissa is praying for your health day and night since she found out. Draco has postponed his marriage...' a small snort that could have been a bitter laugh snapped from Malfoy.

'Draco? Your godson? He is getting married did you know that?'

No answer and another long pause...

'You saved him Severus. You saved his life and I owe you my life, friend. I owe you mine...' the broken voice followed by several silent sobs.

Hermione tightened her fingers upon the cold stones of the window ledge and let her eyes drift upon the lake outside. Her breath was very constricted.

'...Draco doesn't want to get married unless you are there in full health to accompany him to the chapel. He insists on it ...and you know how young kids are right? So I am going to do a deal with you, alright? We are all going to wait for your recovery so you can escort your godson to his marriage. Are we agreed?' the voice still broke, but trying to sound encouraging.

Hermione closed her eyes. Not wanting to look at the lake anymore. A very long pause ensued were she thought that she had heard her lot. As she got ready to gather her own shreds and go to Malfoy she heard him again.

'...you managed it Severus. He wants nothing to do with the Dark Arts...your godson I mean. You managed it. You protected at least one boy from your fate. I love you, friend' the voice broke down completely and then a choking sound followed.

Lamentation, which she didn't want to disturb.

She remained there with her eyes closed trying to calm down her own broken heart at what she had heard. At the fact that this man had more sensitivity in him than anyone could have given him credit for. That he was talking about a life dept and about the future of a boy that she knew well. All of which was credited to the man lying on the bed. She wondered in awe if that man had any idea how much everyone owed him. Or how many people were alive, well and had safe futures in front of them because of him.

She would have bet her right hand that he had no idea whatsoever...or that he wasn't acknowledging it for his own reasons, whatever those might be.

 _not that I am ever going to find out..._

The curtain opened up and Malfoy surprised her when he came close. Stretched to his full height and wearing the cold facade of the pureblood wizard that she always knew. She turned around fully and faced him. Not in any real mood to manipulate anything anymore. Not after what she heard in there. 'Are you finished?' she asked feeling weary to the bones.

He nodded curtly 'Yes,...' a small pause '...thank you' he said.

'Nothing, now you should leave. I think Poppy left us a little more than intended' she said and pointed towards the offices.

He looked over his shoulder and remained there for several seconds. When he turned back to her his brows were heavily knitted 'May I ask a favour from you?' he said decisively.

She nodded 'Of course'

'When he wakes up, please inform me. I need to talk to him. Narcissa too and Draco. I know your past with him, but please make an exception. I have no other way to learn news about him' he said. The soft plead visible in his words.

Hermione closed her eyes and nodded quickly. Without any thought whatsoever, she said 'Of course I will'

She felt her hand being swept up with a lot of strength and she found it locked between his hands in a tight squeeze. Two hazel eyes burning with fire penetrated her own 'Thank you'. This time his words were honest and spoken from the heart.

Her mouth uplifted instinctively and she nodded again 'It's ok. Now please leave' she said. She thought she saw the prologue of a thankful smile, but before she had time to establish it, he turned and left quickly. His black boots clicking upon the tiles of the infirmary. Poppy came out to the door of her office. She didn't escort him. She just saw him close the door behind him and then she walked towards Hermione.

"What happened?' she asked 'I was _this_ close to calling Minerva. The nerve of him. Thinking he owns the damn place. Him and Potter' she hissed. She was clearly pissed off but Hermione was elsewhere already.

She was above Professor Snape re-arranging his blankets 'He had some things to tell the Professor here' she said absent minded as she lifted her hand and reposed it softly upon his brow. It was warm and soft under her palm.

'I had a few things of my own to tell him, but you stopped me. I have no idea what came over you dear girl. Quite honestly' Poppy sounded exasperated. Hermione barely heard her. She moved the palm of her hand softly and smoothed down his hair. She repeated the motion several times over, relishing at their softness.

'What the hell are you doing?' Poppy asked after getting no answer from her.

'I am watching over him' she replied bemused still caressing his hair softly.

'No I mean what are you doing to his head?' Poppy asked again this time clearly confused.

'Smoothing down his hair' she replied thoughtfully. Not even bothered by what she was doing in front of the Mediwitch. She was thinking of far too important things at that moment and they weighed heavily on her, very heavily.

'You'll be all right you'll see' she told him and looked out of the window, still caressing him softly.

*********...*********

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	12. Chapter 12

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Severus wrapped his arms across his knees protectively and tightened his eyes.

The voice.

The melodic voice that had become his link to sanity had stopped addressing him. To his dismay upon one moment she had stopped speaking to him. Leaving him alone in this barren wasteland. He didn't want to open his eyes. Especially, since after the melodic voice, another voice much heavier and much more prominent had decided to address him. Why? He had no idea, but it was the only one apart from the soft female mumble that had penetrated his reality.

What that heavier voice had spoken though, had caused a thunder inside his eerily calm world. A thunder that was still echoing inside his brain. For he dared not open his eyes to look around him. After that thunder he was not alone anymore...

A shiver run down his spine and he leaned back to the tree trunk. That heavy voice had spoken about love and friendship. About sacrifice and salvation and about hope. It was all addressed to him. It has spoken two names. One was Narcissa which was faintly familiar to him and the second one was Draco. That name caused the thunder to crash upon his world. Several images had flashed before his eyes simultaneously. Classrooms, students, long hallways, danger and finally death. A single face formed inside the whirlpool of images. Blonde hair close to white, young, unspoiled, dressed in black. Hazel eyes speaking of danger. Wand at hand, looking straight at him with tears etching his cheeks. That face and that name, they went together.

That boy was Draco and his face stirred emotions long buried in his heart. That boy meant a lot to him somehow. Why?...he was still to know, but in order to find out he had to open his eyes first, didn't he?

He had closed them when he collapsed in front of the cypress; He collapsed after he run back from the road when the thunder shred his mind to pieces and when the images overlapped each other with ferocious speed in his confused mind; He had run towards that accursed road in a desperate attempt to get away from this place, but he had been wrong to choose that path out. The moment he stepped foot on it he knew that it was never going to be the same as it was before.

It was never going to be empty again...

From a great distance down that barren road a thick black shadow appeared. Forming in vague shapes far away from clear eyesight. He had frozen in place, unable to move. Apprehension gripping the sides of his lungs. He quirked his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes in an attempt to discern the shadowy shape.

At first it was making no sense, but in slow growing fear, he had realised that the dark form was moving up the road; Up the road and coming towards his reality and he had no way of evading it, so he retreated slowly. Fear gripped his heart as he stepped back the three quick steps he had taken down that road. His footfall raised the soft white feathers as he stepped into his reality. Away from the road. Counting his breaths to see the shadow disappearing.

But it didn't...

To his utter dismay it kept coming up the road. Moving slowly forward. Approaching him and as it did he started making out lines and forms. Human forms, walking next to each other...they were people walking...

He didn't remain still long enough to discern faces as he turned and run towards the forest.

 _why did I ever open my bloody eyes_... _why couldn't have I kept them closed forever? Why am I not dead?_...

upon that thought he winced and shook his head. Why should he be dead? Was he supposed to be? Truth being told those two voices kept telling him to get better. Where the fuck was he? Why was he not alone anymore? He didn't want the company of that shadowy reality of formed bodies walking towards him. As anxious as he had been the last few days to find another soul inside this weird place, now that all these souls were coming towards him, he didn't want them. For some unknown reason he was certain that they were not walking up to him to have a nice chat. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed they'd go away...just maybe...

 _one can only hope right?..._

'You'll be alright you'll see' the soft melodic voice broke into his terrifying mantra sending the chills to run down his spine.

 _fucking hell_...he breathed in terror.

His eyes flew open. He wanted to look up and scold the voice for abandoning him in this hellish reality, but instead his glare fell at the base of another cypress. His heart missed several beats when he saw a young boy sitting quietly there. It wasn't the same face he had connected with the name Draco.

No, this boy was the complete opposite. Black long unkempt hair sticking dirty to the sides of his hollow cheeks. Large dark eyes filled with sadness. Clothes that looked unchanged for many many days and mismatched. His left sock was down to his ankle and his right shoe's bottom was unglued. The little boy looked a total mess, but he looked unbothered by Severus's observations. He was too preoccupied stirring the feathers in front of him with a large stick.

 _who are you?_ ...Severus watered his lips.

The melodic voice was still speaking to him unfazed by the changes inside his world. She had moved him out of his hiding place one more time. He turned his eyes slowly towards the road when the boy failed to answer his questioning mind and saw the people clearly advancing towards him. They were much closer and very clear now. Women and men, old and young. Faces that stirred memories in him. One of them struck out like a sore thumb. His white long beard and his equally white long hair only downplayed by his extravagant robes.

 _fucking hell...this has to stop somehow. I have to stop all this madness. I have to find a way to get away from this place, or else I am truly going to die_...

An image of a silver doe flashed before him. The searing pain shredded his head. He winced, but this time he didn't close his eyes. He turned them slowly to the young boy that still sat next to him, stick at hand. Trying to will the memory away...

 _or call it closer...maybe that's the only way out of here_...he thought.

He couldn't bring back the blessed oblivion. He couldn't very well lay down and close his eyes to what was happening around him anymore. He has seen too much already. That which he has seen had decided to approach him and it was walking to him via that desolate road. It was sitting next to him in the form of a sad boy.

It was heard through her voice, that did not stop pressuring him to face this reality. He didn't want to, but it was the only way to get the away from this place. He didn't want to be here in his colourless adobe were nothing moved for days on end. Were out of nowhere he was suddenly haunted by people who were looking at him, all with sadness in their eyes. Who were they?

 _who is this boy?_...he looked at the young boy again.

'Who are you?' he asked.

The boy raised his large expressive eyes to Severus 'You' he said and then lowered his head and started stirring the feathers again.

Severus felt his back crawling at the answer. He decided to overlook what the boy said 'What are you doing here? Hasn't your father told you that it is dangerous to be around strangers?' he asked.

'My father doesn't tell me much about anything' the little boy said and flicked his shoulders. He didn't seem to be bothered too much about anything either.

'Where is your mother?' Severus insisted. Bypassing how ridiculous all this was. There he was sitting in a colourless forest, being approached slowly by people that raised the hair on the back of his neck, hearing the melodic voice still narrating her usual stories, and instead of doing something more practical, there he was discussing with a young boy that had popped out of nowhere.

 _as always your sense of priority is shaken_...

'Coming up that road, but she is not well anyway' the boy said and pointed towards the desolate road without looking up.

Severus swallowed and looked at the road. The people were approaching. He suppressed the need to turn around again and run towards the forest. Away from this reality.

'What's wrong with her?' he asked.

'Father is beating her up' the boy said. Almost instantaneously another image flashed inside his mind. This time it was so clear and strong that it made him bolt upright and back away several steps holding his head.

The image of the same young boy crawling at the crease of a dirty wall. The shadow of two people. A man and woman arguing. The man striking down the woman, several times over. Severus didn't look at them though. He was looking intensely at the young boy's eyes that were wide with terror. Forlorn at what he was seeing and at the shocking realisation that the boy he was looking at, was him. He had once been that desperate ill looking boy. He groaned out loud as his back struck the bark of another cypress tree.

 _it's not as if there are any other trees in this bloody place_...

The large group of people had almost reached the end of the road. The boy had not moved an inch from his spot. He had stopped messing with the feathers though and was looking straight at him. Severus drew several deep breaths.

'What do they want? What do you want from me?' he asked breathless his fingers running around the hard surface of the tree bark. Getting ready to bolt towards anywhere. His head snapped towards the road. The group stopped exactly at the point where the feathers begun. Couldn't they proceed any further? His eyes passed from everyone. Old and young. Man and woman. Two people were in front of the others. One was a beautiful young woman in her mid thirties with reddish hair and blue eyes. The other one was the elderly man dressed in the colourful robes.

'They are part of you. They want to help you out. And so do I' the boy said. Severus's eyes snapped quickly towards the boy.

'I don't want your help. I want you to get out of here. To leave me alone' he hissed to the young boy almost doubling over with menace.

The boy raised his shoulders 'we can't. This is our adobe. You're the one that does not belong here' he said.

'I was here...since...forever...' Severus leaned his head back to the tree and opened his mouth. And then closed it again 'Right?' he asked finally.

'You don't belong here. You have to leave' the boy replied with the same dispassionate disposition. It was making Severus more nervous than he already was.

'How? Tell me how. That is what I want to do' he said and moved a step towards the boy.

The boy raised his branch and pointed behind Severus 'Then you have to look' he said.

Severus turned his head and saw the lake. His biggest fear was coming true. He had to go towards the black lake. He felt his hands numbing and sweat breaking all over his body 'I can't go there' he simply said.

 _no..._

'Then you will be here forever...a part of us' the boy said and suddenly dropped the branch and stood up.

'I don't care. I am not going to the lake' Severus said looking at the boy with clear fear in his eyes. No one was going to make him do it. No one. The boy started walking towards him slowly.

Severus frowned and looked at his younger self advancing slowly towards him 'What are you doing?' he asked his voice barely a whisper.

'You have to look, there is who you are' the boy said and pointed towards the lake 'Here is whom you have been' he repeated touching his chest 'and you are not dead yet, you don't belong here'

Severus shook his head 'No, I won't. Don't come near me do you hear?' he said and raised his hand trying to stop the boy from coming closer, but the haunting figure of his old self kept advancing merciless to Severus's mind numbing fear.

'Stop it' he almost cried and started backing away from the boy, but the young man was still advancing. Making him back away slowly. Making his boots raise feathers all around him. Making him step upon the colourless flower patches. Making him go nearer the lake. To the exact place, he wanted to avoid.

'Look at the mirror' the young Severus cried with a voice that was barely human. It sounded like two voices in one. Severus groaned and turned around in order to flee. Towards anywhere but here and he fell face upon the same woman he had seen in the path. The woman with the reddish hair and blue eyes.

'Shit!' he hissed and tried to back away from her. She touched his arm and the touch froze his skin.

'Go to the lake' she whispered. Her breath equally frozen upon his face.

'NO!' he croaked and turned around again only to bump into the old man. He turned around in a growing panic. They were all around him. They had left the road and they had circled him. Faces, faces, solemn and sad and tear some all looking at him. Extending their hands to him. Wanting him to go to them. His panic grew, his mind fogged up and became confused with the images that accompanied those faces...memories...fleeting memories...

 _oh Merlin..._

He groaned and dashed into the void not really knowing where he was fleeing to. His foot struck upon a colourless stone. He fell face down to the feathers. His hands keeping him inches from striking the stones along the shore of the lake. His hair slowly gathering water, becoming heavy and diving deep to the dark waters. Feathers falling all around the disturbed surface. He had landed inches from those ripples created by his disturbance and he mused upon them as they travelled towards the shore. Stroking the stones softly. He mused at them as they became still unable to make himself look away. Unable to push himself up. Those waters were drawing him inside their perfection. He saw them, stiller and stiller and behind them he saw a reflection as if through a dream.

His reflection...

And the pain that struck through his mind was hair raising. The scream that left his lungs took out all the air from them. Suddenly he knew who he was and who those people were.

 _I haven't been spared_...

That was the last coherent thought he had before the scream turned into an abysmal growl and then into melting tears. Tears that grew stronger as he let himself roll freely at the edge of the lake. Tears that flowed freely as his fingers slipped into the water and felt it's frozen essence upon his skin... and there he remained.

Inside his cold frozen realisation. Shivering at the sheer shock he had succumbed and that melodic voice was still narrating to him, but he was not able to hear her anymore...because there was a sound that covered up everything else. The sound of his scream...

*******...******

'Thank you for coming with me' Hermione said and wrapped herself tightly around Marcus's arm. She took his hand in hers and caressed it gently.

'No problem' he replied with a sly smile. They were walking towards the infirmary. It was her shift and they had just returned from Hogsmeade. A lovely afternoon spent by drinking beer and eating their hearts out. On getting in touch with each other and forgetting reality.

Now that they were walking towards the infirmary she wasn't that sure that she wanted to go there at all. All she wanted was wrap herself around his arm and pull him outside where Spring was tickling her playful spirits, for adventure. Maybe a walk by the lake to observe the setting sun; a walk in the forest to smell the freshly blooming flowers and listen to the odd night cricket coming out too late. Or the occasional bird staying up a little later than usual. Anything really that had to do with nature.

Then simply sit under the stars and let your eyes get lost inside their magic. Inside their eternal map that went on forever up there in the skies. The fact that Marcus didn't like such excursions was not enough to dampen her spirits. She would have found a way around it. Today she was certain. Her mood was uplifted and she had almost forgotten Malfoy's visit to the infirmary yesterday and the emotional words she had heard.

'Oh, I would have loved a walk into the forest' she whispered it close to his ear.

He laughed lightly 'Hermione you know I hate nature. I am freaking allergic to it. Especially during the spring where everything is blooming'

'Magic could have remedied that for you easily enough' she replied.

'You know full well I don't like to use magic upon me without a valid reason' he said as they reached the infirmary doors.

'A walk into the forest is a valid reason' she replied caressing his hand.

'Not for me it isn't' the succinct answer. How in the name of Merlin was he able to throw her from hot to cold, she couldn't fathom. Here, they had an amazing Sunday afternoon together. So good in fact that she hated the fact that she had to return at the infirmary and within a few seconds he managed to get her prickled.

'Couldn't you have made an exception for me baby? oh come on' she purred to him as they passed the doors.

'Ah, no...not in this case' he smiled at her widely. He may have meant it playfully but the prickle got even worst.

She punched his shoulder only half playfully 'You bloody asshole' she murmured. He laughed and caressed her hand. She started to respond when she raised her eyes and saw Poppy and MInerva close to the bed of Professor Snape.

'What is going on now?' she asked more to herself than Marcus.

'What?' he responded.

'Come on, come on' she said and suddenly she was walking in front of him having released his hand. She heard his fast footsteps behind her.

'Good evening, what is going on?' she inquired and without waiting for an answer her eyes fell quickly on the monitor. Her heart picked up speed and fear clenched her insides. All other thoughts about visits to forests and nice weather were totally eliminated by the pressing need to see if he was alright. The monitor read 115 heart rate and 16 over 10 blood pressure. Everything was elevated.

 _why?...oh hell...not again, please Merlin..._

'don't worry dearest' Poppy said and touched her hand 'Good evening Marcus' she said and looked behind Hermione. She waved Poppy off her pleasantries and squeezed her arm.

'What is going on?' she asked pressingly 'why is his heart rate so elevated?'

'We don't know' Poppy said

'How can we not know?' she frowned.

'The Mediwizards from St. Mungo's came in, first thing this morning. This started yesterday shortly after you left him. They checked on his vital signs and on his body. Found nothing out of the ordinary. If anything else, his body is responding very well to the treatment. There is no visible sign as to why his vital signs are so elevated, but there might be another reason for it' Poppy said.

'What?' she asked not wanting to hear anything that might suggest that his condition was getting worse.

'He is waking up' Minerva intervened.

Hermione felt her smile widening, but Poppy raised her hand to stop her '...albeit that he seems rather agitated Hermione. Something is making him very nervous for some reason. Why? I don't know. All I know is that he has to wake up soon, for I don't know how long his tired heart will be able to sustain the hectic pace of 120 bpm. You understand...' she said solemnly. Hermione felt her neck squeezing tight. Of course she understood. But what could be done?

'Can't we help in some manner?' she asked.

'No, if he is indeed about to wake up, it is his battle to fight. Nothing we can do. Everything clinically possible is being already done' Poppy said.

'Maybe if we placed him in stasis?' Marcus said. She had forgotten about him. He had moved next to her.

'Not possible. Might stall the process of waking' Poppy shook her head sadly.

'Stasis in his heart pace?' he asked again.

'Controlled heart rate. Yes, that could work but St. Mungo was adamant that we do not disturb his heart anymore. They don't want to place pace machines on him again. He is getting better. That is taking a step back' Minerva replied heavily.

'So all we can do is wait then?' Hermione asked playing nervously with her hands.

'Yes, I am afraid so' Poppy replied.

'Are you ready for your shift dear? There is nothing else we can do I assure you' Minerva told her and rubbed her back.

'Yes of course' she replied raising her brows. Her eyes fell to his chest that rose and fell quickly as his breathing was highly elevated also.

'Then come on Poppy I have a few things to discuss with you at your office' Minerva said. The women said their goodbyes and soon enough only Hermione and Marcus stood above the bed of Professor Snape.

'I see you continue your muggle adoration in here also' Marcus said. She turned and looked. He was holding her book in his hands and was looking at it critically.

'You know I love English literature' she replied absent minded. Her eyes returned to Professor Snape and stayed upon his face.

'Muggle literature' he corrected.

'Marcus for heaven's sake not now' she replied and came near the bed trying to fix the covers.

More in order to get rid of the notion that Marcus was judging once again her choice of muggle arts. They have had this conversation many times and nothing good ever came out of it. She always tried to explain to him that wizards no matter how impressive they were, lacked in arts and technology to muggles. It was a fair equation really. What muggles lacked in magic they had to create in other ways. Through books and music and mechanics. On that front they were unsurpassed, but Marcus couldn't comprehend that.

Having being born a pureblood wizard he had never come into close contact with muggles and their arts so he couldn't really understand. He was not like Mr. Weasley who admired them, studied them and tried to adapt their technologies for the magical community. He was just avoiding anything muggle. Without ever thinking that the woman that stood by his side had been raised by muggles and therefore loved their little ways. That also meant muggle literature and muggle music. This situation never found common ground between them and always ended up in brawls. This was the last place where Hermione wanted to have a brawl with him.

'Fine, but you know that wizards have a lovely collection of literature also' he replied.

 _still at it are you._..?...she looked briefly into the closed eyes of Snape and wondered if she should be doing this in front of him.

'Yes, concerning crushed plants, spells, history of Hexerei and anything having to do with this world. Never daring to travel to worlds unknown' she replied.

'We own magic...we create their unknown' he replied placing the book down with force.

'You are too short sighted for me to inject substance into you. Never mind Marcus. Just don't bother my literature and stop discussing this here. Do you think this is the best place to be having such a conversation for heaven's sake?' she asked feeling totally exasperated.

'I will bypass the fact that you just insulted me and that you've also ruined a perfectly good afternoon...' he paused and looked at her pointedly. Then he raised his hand towards the bed 'And what? do you think he minds?' he asked finally.

'That is inappropriate, maybe he does. You can't know that' she said feeling defensive all of a sudden.

'You are into that silliness again, aren't you? We discussed this. The man is in a coma. He can't hear anything and you are getting too involved with this situation. I don't think it is doing any good to you' he replied stiffly.

She gathered herself and pushed back the tears that came quickly 'Marcus please leave me alone. This is not the time, really. I need to finish my shift. We will discuss tomorrow. Ok?' she asked trying to sound pleasant. She didn't feel like it and she was sure it didn't sound as amiable as she intended it.

He nodded and came close to her 'Fine tomorrow then. Don't stay up too late' he said forcing a smirk onto his lips.

'No' she shook her head and felt his lips touching the side of her mouth. She moved her head further away and the kiss landed half on the mouth and half on the cheek. She was not in the mood to mouth kiss him now. She rubbed his arm 'Go, get some rest' she said.

'See you later' he said and winked at her. He waved goodbye and let the curtain drop behind him.

When she finally alone she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

She looked at Snape again. His head reposing upon the pillow. His black hair around his shoulders. His eyes closed and almost free of the dark heavy circles. She raised her hand and softly touched his brow. Slowly she caressed his hair without any inhibitions whatsoever. Suddenly she was so glad she was there with him. She couldn't well remember why she had been negative about coming here tonight, because now that she was here she felt a wave of peace sliding softly upon her mind and that was exactly what she needed.

She sat down without removing her hand from his brow. Her other hand came down and clasped his own, taking care not to touch the IV.

'Uhm ...Good evening Professor...i am so...uhm...sorry you had to hear this' she said apologetically. Still caressing his hair back. Feeling the softness under her fingers. It was soothing to her own soul. She thought she was doing it more for her own benefit than his.

 _His hand was still buried into the lake. Since when? Since forever...he couldn't well remember the time that had passed. For time in here was relative. Everything in here was relative. He kept his eyes closed but drew a deep breath when he heard the melodic voice once more. Once more penetrating his darkness. Which now was terrifying and heavy with the knowledge of who he was._

 _'Hi there...' he replied inside his mind. Knowing the voice couldn't very well hear him._

'He just doesn't know when to stop you know. I mean Mark. That was Mark, by the way. My fiancee' she said feeling uneasy about how to describe her man to Professor Snape. The man I am living with sounded too informal for her old Professor. She opted for something more appropriate even though she wasn't wearing Marcus's ring yet.

 _He knew the people were around him still. Remaining close by. Observing him. He could feel their breaths upon the back of his neck, but he couldn't cry anymore. He had cried breathless for how long only Merlin knew. He had cried for everything. For his childhood, for the years in Hogwarts, for his initiation to hell with the Death Eaters, for his silly request to the sorting hat to be placed in Slytherin when the hat had whispered Gryffindor into his ear at first, for Lilly and for what he had told her back then. For his lost chance with his only love. For his father beating his mother. For his mother's failed tries to take care of him when she couldn't even take care of herself. For his nightmarish years next to Voldemort and for his betrayal to Lilly. Finally for all those years were he tried to fix what he had once done. And dying in the process...or at least hoping to die in the process. Which never happened. He was still alive and locked inside some remote place in his mind were his own ghosts had taken form._

 _'Please help me...' he murmured knowing that she couldn't hear him. The unknown woman who was talking to him about her own troubles was unable to really help him get out of this hell. He stretched his ears to hear her. To bypass the silent bodies around him and find her sound. The sound that breathed life into this reality. Into his reality._

'He just doesn't like muggle literature you see. He doesn't like anything muggle. Degrades them all them time' she said and leaned back to her chair taking her book. She had no idea why she felt the need to explain herself to her old Professor and the knowledge that he was probably not hearing her was making it even more awkward.

 _'Whilst you do. You love your literature...read me something. I need to get away from this place if only for a moment' ...he moved his fingers inside the icy waters. He could barely feel them. So numb they were._

'They told me that you were waking up. Are you Professor?' she asked looking at him thoughtfully.

 _'I don't know, I am trapped in here. Trapped forever'_

'Try to come out here with us Professor, please. You are a strong man. You have done so much in your life for others. Do this for yourself' she said and clasped his hand again. Feeling the tears escaping her eyes and this time she was unwilling to stop them.

 _'I don't know how...'_

'You have to find a way to come back to us...I am so sorry. I usually retain my self control, but today. That bloody Mark, is the one that reduced me to this and probably hormones also' she said and laughed at her own joke whilst drying out some tears.

 _'Are you crying? ...' he paused . The side of his face closer to water had become frozen and it was getting worst by the minute. He listened carefully. Sobs...these were sobs. She was crying. That woman was crying. His heart broke at that moment. For whatever reason he felt her pain deep inside his broken heart. Hadn't he been crying himself? Right there? Locked inside his own world?...She cannot hear me. No one can hear me. No one but my own ghosts and I don't want to talk to them. I want to talk to her...her who is out there. Crying herself for her own reasons. 'Don't cry...if you can't handle it I will loose it also. You are my line to sanity...don't you see...?'_

'Oh Gods I am so sorry Professor...I ...I don't know what came over me and why in the name of heaven it came over me, in front of you. I know you never liked me...' she tried to control the tears in her eyes. Why was she crying? because of what Marcus told her or because she was anxious about the man in front of her? She wasn't sure.

 _'I knew you?' ...on that thought alone he gambled opening his eyes. What did he expect to see though was a mystery to him. Had he expected that woman to be there for him. Standing in front of him so he'd recognise her? She told him he never liked her. That was illusive. He had never truly liked anyone after Lily. Or before her for that matter. How could that frame down who that woman was? ...he drew a deep breath...did it really matter who she was? She was there for him. Always since he first opened his eyes inside this hellish world. He tried to bypass the fact that her voice had been the one that made him open his eyes in the first place. No matter how angry he felt on that remembrance he knew it had been imperative to happen, so he could get back. But do I want to get back?...he breathed in deeply. The smell of the cypress was...void as always. Inside this grey madness he didn't want to linger no more. He had to move on and if that meant to return to the world of the living then so be it. He was not ready to be subjected to this kind of hell. No..._

'Gods, if only you could hear me...what might you have thought of me?' she murmured more to herself than to him. She dried the tears from her eyes and pulled back her hair to a tight ponytail. Her cheeks were burning up and the last thing she wanted was to get more heated by her bloody hair. She placed her hand over her mouth and observed him closely. No movement whatsoever. No signs that he was listening to her. Then why should she continued doing this? Why did she feel the need so strong to communicate with a man in a coma...'What might have you thought of me'...she murmured again dejected and closed her eyes.

' _That you are my safety line...I hear you. I always heard you and you are my sanity don't you see?'_

 _'_ I keep coming here with these muggle books reading to you stories you probably don't even like right?' she asked picking up her book and looking at it.

 _'read to me...please'_

'And you are probably thinking of a way to get rid of me. If only you would just wake up and tell me to fuck off...I'd do it. Happily, I swear. Just wake up' the last words were barely whispered close to him.

 _He felt her soft voice caressing his mind 'I don't know how lady...i don't know how...' ...he thought dejected. His heart sinking to the abyss. He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to face those ghouls around him. Didn't want to see that alternative reality inside his mind anymore. Didn't want to see the feathers. Didn't want to feel them either. That is why he was not moving. In order not to stir them. Then maybe he could pretend he was not there anymore. He was somewhere more beautiful. Maybe up there inside the real world. Next to the woman he was hearing inside his mind. Looking at her face also. Trying to connect that voice to a face. He needed to do that. But he couldn't ..._

'What the hell am I doing, please tell me that?' she murmured softly and touched the side of his bed.

 _'...you are the only one talking to me...i am alone in here and scared...very scared...'_

'One moment enjoying Marcus and his company and dreaming of going to the lake to enjoy the sunset...'

 _'I haven't enjoyed a sunset since I can remember myself...'_

'...and the next I am brooding over you, about my personal issues which are a mere zero compared to your problems...'

 _'I Just want to hear you talk...I just want their silence broken and you are doing it. You are breaking their silence...I don't care what you tell me'_

'...mumbling you to insanity most probably...'

 _'...to sanity...to safety...'_

'...and you are probably praying for me to stop...'

 _'...praying for you to never stop...'_

'...how can I ever help you by just talking to you can you answer me that?...'

 _'...you are keeping my mind in one piece. If you stop it will scatter to a million particles inside this void don't you see?...'_

'...if I could only help you practically in some manner I swear i'd do it...'

 _'...i know...'_

'...but I can't. I am up here and you are in there...'

 _'...trapped...'_

'...trapped and no one can help you. Only you can...'

 _'...i want to...but the way out eludes me still...'_

'...i wonder how it feels like were you are right now...'

 _'...desolate...frightening...'_

'...it must feel lonely...'

 _'...and very lonely when you are not speaking...'_

'...Professor if I just touch your hand like this...' she reached up and clasped his hand softly '...can you feel it?...' she asked.

 _'...no...' ...he almost felt tears coming to his eyes. The only thing he could feel was the cold water on his fingertips. Numbing them void of sensation._

'...try to show me that you can hear me. Move some part of your body. You have done it for Pomona. Do it for me also...' she said and squeezed his hand. The need to see some reaction from him becoming imperative.

 _'...Pomona...Pomona Sprout? Where the hell am i?!...' that thought pushed his eyes open and he shot upright. The ghosts had disappeared. No one was around him anymore. No Lily and Albus, no Black, Lupin or Tonks, or his own self as a young boy. All the dead had gone back where they belonged. The erased road had gone completely black and so had the forest around him. Leaving only shadows of the trees, feathers and flowerbeds. He turned and looked at the lake next to him. It was coal black. His skin crawled. What the hell?...Then came the realisation of the name again. Pomona Sprout... Hogwarts. He was in bleeding Hogwarts probably lying in some infirmary bed struggling for life. The instinctive reaction was very strong inside his mind. His hands twitched closed. His fists tight. His knuckles white._

'...oh fucking hell...you can hear me can't you?...' Hermione felt her jaw dropping open and shivers passing in cold ripples from her whole body. The hand she had been holding twitched under her own. It was minimal and if she hadn't been holding it, she might have missed it altogether. But as it were she felt it under her palm. Her heart filled with controlled happiness as the shivers continued up and down her spine. He could hear her. He had responded to her. Momentarily muted by his response she tried to gather her thoughts and plan on the next course of action. Her eyes looked at the monitor. 125 and 16 over 11. Stable and as always elevated.

 _'...oh I heard what you said alright...'_

'...do it for me again. Move your hand. Show me you can hear me...' she leaned closer to him. Without thinking she raised her hand and caressed his forehead again.

 _'...I need to find a way out of here...and then a way out of Hogwarts...' ...he looked about him searchingly. The place was unchanged as always, but why had it gone dark. He could barely see himself. Only dark grey lines were visible all around him. All mingled together. No line clear enough for him to see. His skin crawled again. He raised his arms and rubbed his shoulders. He looked down the road._

'...please show me you can hear me...you did it once...' she pressed his hand but spoke softly.

 _'... I think I have more serious issues to consider right now my lady...' ...he frowned deeply and stood on his feet. There was something wrong. He could feel it. Even though the ghosts were gone there was still something out there. Back then he had felt the place void. Now it wasn't...and what was there with him made his blood freeze inside his veins. He felt it in the change of the air all around him. It had gone from void and neutral to dark and seething with menace. It came oozing at his feet and up his ankles from all over the forest bed. He shuddered hard._

'...oh please come on. Just give me a sign that you can hear me...' she insisted even though the first drops of disappointment were already upon her. Maybe it was a twitching of the nerves. Maybe he didn't do it on purpose and maybe she looked like a bloody idiot holding his hand like that and begging him to look at her or move on her.

 _'...I can hear you, oh yes, but I don't think I am the only one able to do that...' ...he looked around him slowly. He could discern nothing inside this almost total blackness. His eyes moved slowly towards the road. The pace of the forest around him seemingly had changed. It had slowed down somehow. As if preparing for the storm. He took a step back and felt the feathers lifting all around him. He heard his breath coming in sort puffs. He could even hear his heart beating upon his ear drums. Steadily quick, but nothing else. The forest was quiet. A different kind of quiet from what it used to be all these days. Heavier, somehow more solid. As if you could cut that silence with a knife. ...what the hell is going on?...he looked around him again. His eyes forever returning to the road._

...oh, hell, ok. I know I am an idiot. I probably imagined it all right? ...' she drew a deep breath and smiled to him. As if he could see her 'Might as well read you some more, right?' she asked.

 _'...oh I am in it deep...'...oh Merlin...He felt the hair on the back of his neck raising in the slow realisation of what this feeling of darkness truly was. He knew it. He had lived in it for fifteen fucking years. It was embedded in his skin. He thought it was gone, but there it was again. In the most improbable place of all earth. Inside his mind...'...oh...no...no'...he shook his head in denial keeping his eyes glued to were he thought the road was. Knowing that there was something walking up and towards him..._

Hermione looked up dazed. Completely withdrawn as she was from her narration of the book him that she didn't even hear Poppy approaching her. The old Mediwitch was looking at her with a smile upon her face.

'You are reading to him?' she asked amused.

Hermione closed her book quickly and placed it at the side table 'Well, I love reading and I just thought that maybe if he could hear, he might appreciate some ...uhm...amusement?' she asked with a small smile of her own.

Poppy waved her off 'It's ok, I just found it rather...sweet that's all' she said.

'Well don't tell him that, he will probably fry us both if he ever finds out' she said raising her brows.

'Couldn't agree more on that one, now it's time for me to take over and you are expected in the great hall for dinner. Anything unusual?' Poppy asked coming round to check on his IV's.

Hermione stood up and stretched feeling her muscles complaining and her back cracking slightly. Her head felt rather woozy also from reading so much and her mouth was in no better shape either. Some water would be good for her and some food her stomach reminded her 'Nothing really, well I think that at one point he moved his hand, but I cannot swear' she said. Poppy raised her head on that one. Hermione flicked her shoulders 'He did it only once and it might have been one of those twitches he does every now and again. I didn't want to alarm you without reason' she added.

Poppy nodded as she returned to her job 'It's ok dear I will keep an eye on him. You go get some rest'

Hermione smiled and gathered her things. She gave him a last look and smiled to him without really intending to 'Good night, Professor' she said.

Poppy raised her head and smiled to her. She retreated quickly towards the Great Hall, her mouth watering at the prospect of food, but her heart tightening at the prospect of seeing Marcus. She really was mad at him still...wasn't she?...

******...******

Severus didn't know how long he had stood still, trying to hear something apart from that woman's voice narrating her book to him. Not few times had he wished for her to stop. A rare occasion since her voice was an island of hope for him, but this time he needed the silence. So he could discern who was walking towards him. He did hear things on occasion. From what he heard and from what he felt all around him there was only one conclusion and it was more terrifying than all the ghouls that had came up that road yesterday. It was the mother of all terrors. His boggart, that was living inside his mind. It was approaching him slowly, propelling him towards madness. He eyed the lake quickly. Maybe a dive inside those black menacing freezing waters was not such a bad idea after all. It was surely better than to stay here and wait for what was coming up to him. He breathed deeply and heard his breath coming out way too loud for his tastes. He didn't want to disturb the air around him, nor draw any attention to him. He stilled his breath, his body and his heart. He even tried to quiet his soul.

...that is when he heard it...and the terror swarm inside his veins. Drenching him in cold sweat. A low pitched shrilling cry that drew and drew and drew inside the forest. Coming from the road and opening up like a terrifying star, around him. Bouncing off the tree barks and coming back in shrieking repetitions.

Shazam...one two Riddle comes for you... nine ten...you'll never sleep again...

He placed his arms around his shoulders to protect himself from the knowledge that what was walking up to him was there in order to kill him again. Not his body this time. Riddle was there. To kill his soul this time.

 _finish the job dear old boy right?..._

Tom bloody Riddle was there in the forest with him and he felt that sick motherfucker inside his veins. His darkness was so thick it covered the whole forest and it was saturated with evil. It was overwhelming his senses with it's cimmerian totality. His eyes snapped quickly towards the lake one more time. Another side of clouded darkness.

He drew a ragged breath and was suddenly very mindful that he was alone. Totally. The woman's voice had stopped talking to him and he had barely noticed. The shrill cry kept on and on and on. Making his ears hurt. He winced and backed away a few steps.

 _where am I going to go...it's not like I have a choice is it?...Voldemort is here..._

Another step back and then he froze as the shrieking stopped...it suddenly stopped. Letting an after burn of fear in it's trail. The balance felt thin. The scales were tilting this way or that on equal basis. Severus tried to breathe as silently as possible. Still trying not to be heard. He raised his hands and rubbed his arms. Feeling the fingertips grazing upon his shirt. Senses all too alive, for a place so void of sensations.

'Ssseverusss...' the snaky voice crawled upon the forest covering it with it's sickness. He drew a sharp breath and his eyes widened. Waves of total terror passing from his body. He felt unable to move.

'You are dead...' he said his voice stretching abnormally within the void.

'Am i? sss..ssssss..' the snake hissing made his skin explode in pain. His hand flew instinctively upon his neck. On the snake bite that almost killed him. That was still killing him inside his own mind. As if once had not been enough. His fingers wrapped protectively upon the large scar that was embedded there for life. He withdrew his lips baring his teeth in menace. Upon feeling the scar that caused him such prolonged pain he felt the terror slowly subsiding inside him. He felt it been slowly replaced by anger. Fed by the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins. Adrenaline that was endlessly feeding from his old wound. He felt the growl forming into his chest.

'You are dead. You and your beast. You are sneaking within dreams, because you cannot do anymore than that...you are weak' he hissed with menace. Fear battling with his anger. Not one feeling gaining the upper hand with him. Throwing him from cold to hot and then to cold again.

'Am i?...ssss...sss...but yet I am still here with you and that scares the life out of you, my friend' Voldemort said his clear voice much closer to Severus. The hissing of the snake coming from the ground.

'You killed me once...you cannot kill me again' he warned straightening but still keeping his hand protectively upon his neck.

'And see where this brings us friend. You have no choice Sssseverusss, my precious pet. You can only stay with me here inside your eternal nightmare. There is no way out of this...ssss...ssss' the hissing coming closer and closer. Within the darkness Severus could have sworn that he saw several feathers being lifted from the ground. Something was moving down there. His eyed the lake quickly. There was a way out of there. It was through that lake and the fear of the black frozen waters was minimal compared to what he was facing right there in front of him.

'I am not going to do this again, Tom. Never again. I told you goodbye seven years ago. When you decided to rid me off my services, which you valued so much by ordering that beast to kill me. You didn't even honour me with a duel. I would have loved that...' he smiled albeit the circumstances '...I swear to you, I would have loved that, but you took me by surprise sending Nagini out to me...you filthy, bloodsucker' he spat with hatred.

The hissing voice seemed amused 'Oh pet; A duel with you? No no no no...I wouldn't have gambled that. I was too close to victory to challenge you in a field that I knew how good you were. Don't take me for a fool, Sssseverusss...'

'You were nothing more than that whilst alive...why should you be whilst dead?' he murmured more to himself than Tom.

'Yet you BOWED at ME!' the voice cried suddenly. Making him wince.

'...Or so you thought. You were never as good a Legilimens as you wanted to believe, either. You didn't have a heart and that was what made you dangerous. That and the fact that you had gathered many powerful wizards around you with a soft spot for the dark arts. Now go away, Riddle. You are nothing more than a shadow inside a tired mind and nothing more, but even as that I don't wish for your company. I want nothing to do with you. As I never did after you killed Lily' he said solemnly lowering his hand from his neck. Feeling slightly vulnerable towards the darkness that enveloped him. The darkness that contained Tom.

'Yes, poor old Severus. Yet, you had a heart. My only Death Eater to be able to conjure a patronus. How beautiful and innocent your patronus was, pet. So you gathered all that bravery and you made it a shield for them. For all of them. Oh, but I seem to recall that no one came to check if you were alive or not. They left you to rot after Nagini bit you. Ah...does it feel good to have sacrificed yourself for them? Does your ...bravery taste good?' Tom tormented. Severus closed his eyes trying to control his feelings. So easily stirred by so few words. No, no one ever appreciated what he did, but he never did it for them. He did it for Lily.

 _who never appreciated it either. She only wanted to keep her son safe. Nothing more..._

And that part pained him deeply. That wound cut in too deep for him 'At least I had something to give back to the world. I had strength in that knowledge Tom. You didn't' he replied solemnly.

'But are you...strong enough to claim your freedom from MY hell? You never were. I am still your worst memory. I can still have power over you inside your mind. Now who fooled who then, pet?' Tom asked and the voice was heard from his side.

His head snapped to that direction 'Fuck off' he spat and that is when he felt something moving about his leg and he knew what it was. His logic backed away so quickly it made him dizzy and his gut instincts took over immediately. He span around quick and dived into the cold water without a second thought.

 _Hell's pits..._

The frozen water shocked his body out of balance and he felt his lungs constricting and his limbs convulsing unwillingly. His head felt woozy and completely unfocused, but at least he was away from him. Away from Tom...He just wanted out. And how did that lake made out even remotely possible? He opened his eyes trying to battle losing his senses to the frozen environment. His heart was already palpitating and he was feeling at the edge of hypothermia. He knew the symptoms. Soon he'd lose all sense of danger and then he'd want to sleep without even logically considering that he was underwater. After that came the loss of senses and then drowning. Most probably the worst kind of death if you had any feeling. But that would be long gone before death even approached. Darkness all around him. He looked up. A pale darkness above him. The water rippling upon the surface. Bubbles escaping from his nose and floating towards the top, letting those up there know that he was still alive down here.

 _hell, not for long..._

And that is when he felt it. Something touching his hand. He turned his head so quickly in panic that he lost half his saved breath in a hectic escape of bubbles. He heard the groan muffled from the waters and saw with growing terror a skeletal hand barely passing from his. Merely scraping him.

 _I am not alone down here either..._

He turned around him quickly losing more breath. And everywhere...fucking everywhere...were corpses...

...the water was swarming with dead decaying bodies. Everywhere he looked there was a confused mass of torn clothes, pale bones and empty eyes looking at him. Scraping him, touching him and making him panic beyond recognition, but they were not just dead bodies were they? No, he knew better and that was the most terrifying thought of all.

 _These are the men and women I have failed to help..._

As the realisation sunk in, the scream arose from his chest and it exploded in a mass of muffled noises and bubbles as he shot up to the surface. Needing air like a madman. Needing to get out of there. Not wanting to go back to Tom, but wanting to stay alive also...desperately trying to draw a breath of life into his body. He shot up from the water a confused ball of hair and limbs. An open mouth that drew in the final drowning breath and he opened his eyes wanting to crawl to the shore, but what happened next threw him completely off balance one more time.

 _Rough surface..._

For he found himself entangled inside what seemed like a blanket and what felt like tubes and a pillow. He pushed and pulled and groaned and gasped for air all the time confused as to what was happening. He couldn't understand how he went from being underwater to being completely dry. He pushed on the blanket and shot out of what felt like a bed.

When his legs hit the cold floor he felt them buckling mercilessly under his weight and he crashed with force upon the cold stones. Hot pain shot from his right hand made him gasp for air again as he cursed behind his teeth. He looked down to see that his hand had tubes sticking out of it. He reposed it upon the bed so that the pain subsided quickly. He looked around him trying to calm down his frantic breathing.

Trying to establish where exactly he was. He looked under his legs. There was indeed a stone floor. He looked in front of him at the metallic structures of several hospital beds. Someone had placed an IV on him. His eyes followed the tubes to see the IV stand bearing two bags. One of orange colour and the other transparent. The second one probably IV water to nourish his body with liquids.

He looked behind him at what seemed like a rather large window that stood upon a heavy wooden ledge ornamented with various representations. It was partly covered by a maroon curtain and the sky behind it was dark grey.

 _Oh no..._

His eyes fell to the window ledge and the ornaments upon it. Ornaments that he knew only too well. And the sudden realisation crashed upon him like a ton of bricks.

 _Hogwarts...flee you fool...flee..._

All temporary logical thought seized the moment he realised were he was. Lying down upon the cold floor of the Hogwarts infirmary. He had managed to escape the hellish nightmare inside his own mind to wake up to an even worst scenario. Then he suddenly wished to return to his garden of life. The garden of the void. Of the ghosts of his past. Of Tom Riddle and his pet and of the lake filled with the bodies of the people he had forsaken. The people he had wronged. It seemed less terrifying than this reality, right here, in the real bloody world. There was only one way out of this and that was to flee, as quickly as possible. He didn't even want to consider what was the condition of his heart and neither did he care right now. It felt alright and he was going to use it to escape. He pulled on the tubes with force, making his arm scream in pain.

'Fucking things' he cursed and pulled them quickly out. The pain shot up to his elbow, but he barely noticed. He placed his now free hand upon the bed and tried to get up. His legs felt weak and numb. As if he had been lying on that bed for a very long time. Immobile.

 _how long have I been here...?_

No, no time to consider than now. He needed to get out. He pushed with all his strength and his legs obeyed. The held him upright as he straightened and tried his first step. Which resulted in catastrophe for he collapsed one more time.

 _No you are NOT...get UP NOW!_...he commanded, but it took him several tries before his legs got used to the idea of walking with all that weight on them again. In the end he managed to draw the curtain and peak out of it carefully. Not even minding that his hand was spraying blood all over the floor. Not even feeling it. His mind was focusing on a way out. It was hell bent on it and so was his will. That was enough to surpass any other obstacle. He looked around the hospital. Some beds were occupied, but everyone seemed to be peacefully asleep. He needed to be as silent as possible and as quick as possible also. His eyes caught the main offices and sure enough he saw the well known and not very much appreciated figure of Poppy. She looked like she was discussing with her fireplace. Giving him a chance to slide as quickly as his buckling knees allowed him towards the door. Trying to keep into the shadows he managed it. He paused by the main entrance to hear Poppy from the office.

'Yes it's my shift with him. I need to go back I'll talk to you later'

He swore behind his teeth and quickly, but silently opened the door and walked to the hallway closing it softly behind him. His eyes fell to a large mirror upon the wall by his side. He caught a glimpse of himself and shivered. He was dressed in white pyjama tops and bottoms. Barefoot. His hair very long covering his shoulders and he was so thin he barely recognised himself.

 _oh dear Merlin ...look at me..._

The thought of Poppy seeing that he was not in his bed and raising the alarm set his feeble legs into an impossibly quick pace as he stormed out to the hallways. Not minding so much if anybody saw him. Now that he was out of the infirmary he didn't opt for care, because the alarm was going to be raised soon. He opted for speed. He needed to reach the doors as soon as possible and get out of here before they either found him, or his body failed him.

He run down the corridor. His hand still bleeding. Looking behind his back. His waving hair obstructing his view. Wondering what day it was, what hour it was, what chances of students or Professors seeing him running all over the castle like the living dead. He trotted fast his breath speeding up, but his heart steady and free of pain. Whatever they had been doing in that infirmary had taken care of that problem for him. If only temporarily. He didn't mind. His heart could do all the collapsing it wanted when he got out of here. Inside this place it was simply not allowed to do so.

He felt tired, tired to the bone of having to run. He run in the real world to escape people, and he run inside his dreams to escape himself. He just needed to stop for a moment and enjoy...

 _the moon..._

He stopped abruptly and his hand kept him upright holding upon the railing of the staircase. The ghost of Nearly Headless Nick turned around to him, carelessly, but upon seeing him it floated above him mute for many seconds.

'Oh my! Snape?!' he cried and pointed at him. At the same moment Severus felt the wards being triggered. From Poppy and the ghost at the same time. They were silent to his ears, but bright as the sun upon his magic. He felt the sounding of the alarm ring inside his body.

'Get the fuck out of the way' he hissed and darted through the ghost momentarily feeling cold.

After that he remembered little, but he felt clearly the gathering of his magical power. Slowly coming to him from the walls of the castle and through the floor as he summoned it. Freely without the use of the wand. Pure, clear blunt force. Which he intended to use and very soon, without any remorse whatsoever. If they tried to stop him he was going to blow this joint up to the air.

As his legs run weakly towards the main exit, he felt the power pooling at his feet. Following him and even though his body was enfeebled the force he felt inside was mighty. As mighty as it had always been and that gave him strength of heart. As he turned quickly down the main hallways that passed before the Great Hall's door and down the staircase to the exit he almost fell head on to Filch. The Caretaker of Hogwarts.

 _couldn't have gone more unnoticed...he thought idly._

'Professor!' the squib called as Severus pushed him roughly out of the way 'You mustn't be out of bed. You are not well. Headmistress!' the next call was not upon him, but upon the Head of the school and it was done with a fucking Sonorous.

Knowing full well that his only way out of here was going to be through brute force he pushed more. Calling on all the reserves of his magic. It was burning upon his feet. Waiting to be released. He felt weak and dangerous at the same moment. Scared and trapped, which were very very dangerous combinations for him. As he neared the staircase he saw the doors of the dining room opening up and the hall was stormed by people. He stopped midway and held his body up again by leaning upon the railings. He felt slightly out of breath and wondered if his luck with his heart was at it's ending. His hair covered most of his face, but one blazing eye pierced at the people in front of him. Oh, yes, he could recognise many of them.

Minerva, Pomona, Filius, Hagrid, Hooch were few of the people he recognised. Other faces registered, but he was too much in a hurry to sit around trying to see who they were. His hand tightened its grip upon the railing. His magic boiled near his feet, pushing to be released.

Minerva was the one that moved quickly towards him. All the others remaining behind. Most of them in clear sock.

 _apparently I was not expected._..he almost laughed at his own thoughts fighting to keep his magic at bay.

'Severus please. What are you doing out of bed? You are not well...' she started saying.

'Don't come closer!' he warned and raised his hand towards her. His magic was oozing from his fingers. Deep purple and sparkling with the pressure of being controlled without a wand. Which was very difficult for a healthy wizard. More so for a wizard as ill and weakened as he was.

Minerva's eyes fell to his power and she paused not knowing what to do. She turned towards the rest of the Professors. One woman moved. He looked at her briefly. Her face was familiar but he couldn't make the appropriate connections. He turned towards Minerva.

'I said, don't move' he said again. The woman stopped a little behind Minerva. Both of them at a loss for action. He turned his head towards the main entrance. Locked as always. He was certain there were various wards upon it as well and that is when he felt the world shutting down for a blink of a second.

The sharp pain through his chest. The familiar signalling that he was on his way to another heart attack. He closed his eyes briefly and tightened his teeth.

'Severus you are not well. Please let's just be reasonable here. We don't mean any harm. We only want to help you. Please let us help you...' Minerva took a few steps closer and extending her hand.

He snapped his head towards her 'Don't you dare take another step!' he commanded. His baritone voice echoing upon the hallways. The purple power dripping through his fingers. Pooling at his legs. Gathered and tightened upon a bow like a magical arrow. Ready to be shot through the crowd. For better or for worse. Minerva must have read some part of his thoughts for she stopped again.

His lips twitched as the pain on his chest intensified. She was right. The bloody witch was right. He was not well and he needed to get the hell out of here. He looked behind her. The path was blocked by them all. Standing there gaping at him. He couldn't very well push through them could he and he didn't want any more victims from his power. He didn't want it directed to anyone living, better the castle itself. He looked towards the door again. Blocked magically and mechanically.

'I cannot allow you to leave in your condition Severus and you know this. No one is going to let you pass' she said and pointed behind her 'Please let's just talk about it' she said and offered him her hand.

He raised his head and his hair fell away from his face. He pierced her with his black eyes and raised his brow 'I have nothing to talk about with you, woman. With any of you' he said heavily.

He drew a deep breath which echoed in a dull pain this time. His heart was still giving him the chance to leave and he was going to use it. He placed his hand on the railing and pushed with strength. He flew above them and with that old knowhow of flying without a broom he landed three stories down lightly upon his feet. He straightened and walked quickly towards the door. It needed a small amount of try from him, but as he lifted his arms his force gathered to his hands. He opened them and the doors broke open with a loud eruption. Crashing upon their hinges. Wards melting to the ground useless. He flew out of the door and into the garden.

 _Fresh air...run...run away..._

He pushed his body to the limits and using the rest of his magical resources he managed to make quite a run away from the main entrance. Trying to get away from the school. Trying to reach the main road and maybe find a way to hide into the forbidden forest. Find a way to get lost once again. Air whipped around him, whizzing about his ears. Rain fell upon his brow. His heart was giving him mild pains, but was still holding on as he run past the old willow tree and down the main road. He could see the gates from far away. He could reach them. There was nothing between him and the gates. He could get away and they were going to leave him alone.

Yes, they were, because he was tired of running. Just tired. He wanted to stop looking behind his back...he turned his head behind him. His wet hair sticking to his face, blocking his eyesight. He thought he saw no one behind him.

 _I deserve to stop running...I deserve to die alone and peaceful somewhere..._

He breathed quickly through his mouth. His throat getting dry. His feet feeling cold as they plucked into the muddy waters. His pyjamas getting heavy around him. Lightning broke through the rainy darkness. He blinked panting and he placed his hand upon his chest. The pain in his heart numb, but still there.

No...he was going to make it this time. He was not going to collapse anywhere close to this school. Not again.

...A loud crash broke his momentum...

...The thunder crashed close to him. Upon somewhere within the Hogwarts vicinity most probably. The sound was deafening and the ground moved under his feet. He groaned and felt the old known sharp pain coursing through his chest and to his back. Making his lungs constrict. Making it difficult for him to breath.

 _again..._

He stopped and placed his hand upon his chest. The water falling to his eyes, sliding down his cheeks and his chin. He drew few constricted breaths before feeling the world closing down and collapsing helplessly upon his knees. He panted and held his body upright by his hands. The mud felt cold and clammy under his palms. He could hear the rain falling all around him and the distant thunders echoing into the night. He could feel wet, cold and in pain. He could feel his body giving up.

His power unable to sustain him much longer had subsided back to the ground, from where it came when he had summoned it. Alone and unassisted he was even unable to keep his body upright with his arms. He felt them buckling and feeling repeated defeat he leaned on his elbows and lowered his head above the mud trying to find his breath. Trying to calm the pain in his heart. His body had failed him and he had been near the exit, but no closer to freedom than he had been before falling senseless out there for the first time.

The closer he had been to any kind of freedom was inside his mind when the pet of Tom came near his foot. Were it would have been able to strike him again and kill him on the spot. He had avoided that by falling into the lake, which caused him to wake up to the real world. To being trapped again inside a feeble and useless body that was unable to do anything for him.

 _way to go Severus..._

He shook his head and felt like laughing like a maniac, but he couldn't. He had not breath left. That is when a soft melodic voice spoke next to him.

'Everything is going to be alright. Please Professor...' she spoke to him pleadingly.

He shivered hard for he knew that voice very well. He remembered it as clearly as when he first heard it inside his mind. Waking him up from his limbo. It was the woman that had been talking to him when he was asleep. Right there inside his pain and his inability to breathe, Inside his desperation to flee and inside his body's uselessness to obey him, another need arose. More pressing than all the rest. The need to see the face that belonged to that melodic voice. The need to recognise the woman. He turned his tired head to her direction. His eyes got covered with his wet hair. He saw her face inches from his. Her hand was upon his arm, but he didn't feel it. He only saw her eyes. Her brown eyes and her wet hair that sticking upon her cheeks. She was the woman that stood behind Minerva back there. He knew her didn't he?...

 _I can't...remember..._

He winced and closed his eyes feeling the pain shearing his chest. A soft groan came from his lips and he opened his eyes again. He concentrated on the woman that narrated to him stories... 'It's you...' he barely managed to breathe out to her. He saw her face confused for a moment and then nothing. For darkness came once more upon him.

******...*******

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	13. Chapter 13

*****...*****

*****...*****

'Filius, you go with Rolanda and make sure you get the main entrance back in one piece, if you can' Minerva said and moved towards a bed, which was occupied once again by an unconscious Snape. Poppy and the Mediwizards were above him. Hermione's heart throbbed painfully.

 _no, not again...please..._ she begged. She didn't know _who_ she was begging, only that she didn't want to be there reliving the same night of three weeks ago, _again._

'Minerva...' she touched her Headmistress, needing to support herself on someone. That is when Poppy turned towards them.

'No one comes near, unless I tell you, is that clear?' she asked with command. Minerva turned and Hermione saw that she was pressuring herself not to speak.

'Let them do their job I am sure he is fine...' she tried feebly, she couldn't say any more.

 _Liar!...what if he gets into another coma? what if he is on the verge of dying again...?_

She watered her lips and removed her hand from Minerva and placed it upon her face. The weight of what she was feeling was all too heavy for her suddenly. She felt the convulsion deep into her chest and before she knew it, the tears were out and she was being pulled into a warm hug, from Marcus. She buried her head onto his chest and let it all out.

 _oh I am sorry...I honestly didn't mean to break down ..._ she chanted, whilst the warm arms of Marcus squeezed her.

'It's ok, everything is alright' he kept whispering into her ear, but no nothing was alright.

The man she found kneeling down at the ground, close to the gates, was certainly not alright. He was far from it once more. She remembered his eyes so clearly when he turned desperately to look at her. She was trying to find something soothing to tell him. She knew that he was in pain and unable to flee. That was all he wanted to do from the moment he woke up.

When he had looked up to her, behind his wet black hair, that were sticking upon his brow and cheeks, she had seen his dark eyes. They looked like the eyes of a caged animal that was yearning for freedom. Then his wince of pain and his eyes looking away again. She remembered, how the ball of her thumb caressed his arm softly above the pyjama top. She didn't think he would have felt her touch, but the next moment he looked his eyes lacked that wildness in them. They were sharply focused on her, sending electricity down her spine. Then, he said the last thing she had expected him.

'It's you...' and he had fallen senseless to her feet, one more time.

 _it's you..._ he knew her voice, he had clearly recognised her. That sentence could have meant nothing else. Unless, he was under some kind of hallucination from his weakened state. That clear recognition had been so sudden, it had shaken her. She had been momentarily taken aback, but soon enough she and Hagrid off all people, were carrying him again towards the infirmary.

 _He has been listening to you after all...he heard every single thing you told him...did he also feel you?..._ she thought and more tears came.

All her worry, embarrassment and sadness that she had been the only one communicating with him, came out with her tears. Had he been able to hear everything that went on around him?

'I need to take a sit...' Minerva said and suddenly Marcus let her go and attended to the old witch. Hermione dried her tears and came close to see that Minerva was slightly shaking.

'Can I get you anything?' she asked still sniffling.

'No no, don't worry dear. You take care of yourself. You are a mess also' she replied and buried her head in her hands.

'What do you think is going to happen? Do you think he has gone into another coma again? I really won't be able to handle it, not again' she murmured, looking over at the bed and inhaled in terror. Marcus placed his arm around her shoulders.

'You are getting too involved in this, I have told you from the beginning. Back off love' he murmured slowly to her ear.

She flared up immediately remembering what had happened outside the Great Hall when the alarms had been fired. They had all gathered for a late cup of tea and some conversation. Partly official, partly friendly. Mostly about how to handle the media and the students of the school, when the wards had been triggered. They had looked at each other and almost in unison had bolted towards the doors, but what she saw hadn't been expected by anyone.

Her old Professor. The man sleeping in that bed for three weeks. The man she had been talking to and reading books to. The man she had unthinkably caressed and spoken words of comfort to. The man she had been praying with all her heart to live, was now totally different from what she had been seeing for three weeks. He stood there, watching them. As tall and as dark as she remembered him, leaning upon the railings. A livid face mostly covered by his long hair. Wild eyes piercing them behind the black curtain. And his magic...

His magic was pooling in heavy ripples around his feet and sliding up and down his body. She had read about it, but she had never seen it happen. The summoning of raw magic, without the use of a wand. She had gazed onto his face again and he looked dangerous. As dangerous as he had looked back then, when they all thought he was still a Death Eater. His darkness was blazing around him, even though his body looked broken. Even though he was painfully thin and barely keeping himself straight by the support of the railings, he still looked very dangerous. She had prayed hard for him to wake up, but whilst asleep he had at least been peaceful. Now he was angry again. Angry and looking dangerously trapped by all of them. She saw Minerva offering help to him.

His voice sounded heavy upon the old castle walls and so familiar it made her breath catch. She thought she had forgotten his voice up until the moment she heard him. The same tormenting voice that was laced in irony back in his glory days, now sounded menacing and warning them to keep away from him. She saw his magic pulsating. She made a move, not towards him, but towards Minerva in order to pull her back. He needed a chance to breathe, but another warning came and she froze still.

He needed assistance as he was barely standing, yet surprised them all as he jumped above the railings and fell to the ground floor unharmed. He used the same immense raw force to tear the doors away from their hinges and he threw himself into the rainy night. She made to run after him, but Marcus was trying to stop her. No one else was doing anything though.

'No, what do you think you are doing?'

'He needs help' she replied angrily.

'He almost brought the house down. You are not going after him alone, do you hear me?' he tightened the grip on her arm.

'Leave off!' she shouted and pulled off with force.

Then she run down the staircase and threw herself into the night after Professor Snape. That is how the night found them all here again. Brooding over if he was going to live or not. Gone back to bloody square ONE!

Marcus was looking at her warningly 'What do you mean I am getting too involved in this? We are _all_ involved in this Marcus. You are also!' she hissed and turned her back at Minerva. She didn't want another argument and this time in public '...and what do you mean back off? back off from what?...' she lowered her voice to barely a whisper, but kept her eyes upon Marcus. Suddenly her need to cry was gone and anger took it's place.

'...From getting too emotionally involved in this case' he replied and looked around him.

Good! He was worried about being heard also.

'This is not the place to be having this conversation. That man almost died again out there again' she warned, but Marcus didn't have the time to answer.

The doors burst open and a hectic Harry Potter made it straight for Poppy. Hermione tore herself one more time away from Marcus and grabbed her friend. He turned around sharply and crashed upon her.

'Hermione, what happened? Is he awake?' he asked and looked over at the bed.

'How in the name of Merlin did you find out!?' she asked dragging him back 'Come here' she said, but he didn't follow 'I said come here! No one is allowed to go near!' she tried to put some command to her voice.

'Mr. Potter listen to your friend and keep your voice down!' the next voice made them all look towards Minerva. Who was now standing tall and assuming the command that befitted the head of the school.

Harry looked at her for a few moments and then eased out. He followed Hermione half heartedly 'How did you learn so quickly then?' Minerva asked.

Harry pursed his lips 'From St. Mungo' he replied after a short pause.

'I might have guessed. As you are well aware that is illegal and you are an auror. I am sure that your head of office wouldn't have appreciated to learn what you did' she said solemnly.

'Minerva you don't understand...' he begun.

'I assure you that I do. What you did was unacceptable and I have the authority to kick you out of this school this minute my friend' she said. Harry tensed and straightened, but he didn't answer 'As is though you are here and you are eager to learn what happened I am sure' she said.

Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead with force 'Yes I would, thank you headmistress. Please forgive me for barging in here again, like that' he said trying to sound remorseful.

 _not very successful..._ Hermione thought.

'Come ...' Minerva said and opened her arm to him. He approached and they retreated to discuss in low tones. Hermione passed her hands from her face also and turned towards the bed with renewed worry. Marcus came up next to her again.

"Everyone seems too emotionally charged by what is going on' he said thoughtfully.

'Harry has a long history with this man, and things had passed between them that no one knows anything about' she replied.

'You do though' the succinct answer.

She paused and looked at him. After a moment she turned her eyes towards the bed again 'Yes, I do' she replied with honesty.

'That is why you are getting so emotional over this case?' Marcus asked.

For the first time ever she heard a tone of insecurity in his voice. She frowned and looked at him. Marcus, insecure? About what? What _was_ going on in his mind? How _had_ he translated her interest in what was happening? Was that the reason he had become a complete asshole on her the last few weeks?

'Marcus I have no idea what you are talking about. I mean, yes Harry is my friend, but it is not just Harry. It's the whole history behind this man...it's more complicated than that. You never were part of this history. I cannot expect you to understand how emotional I can get with it all, but I will expect you to abide by me' she said.

She looked hard at Marcus waiting for his answer. He opened his mouth to speak when Poppy stopped him.

'Come gather round...' she said motioning them together. That is when she saw Harry for the first time. She paused and her brows creased in a deep frown 'What _are_ you doing inside my infirmary again Mr. Potter? I think I warned you to keep away?' she asked tilting her head.

'It's alright Poppy. Mr. Potter is the Ministry's official envoy and wants to be informed on the latest developments. Isn't that right Mr. Potter?' Minerva asked him.

He lowered his eyes for a brief moment 'Yes of course' he said solemnly.

 _nice touch Minerva..._ Hermione thought and then turned to Poppy 'Is he alright?' she asked not trying to hide her worry.

Poppy drew her eyes with difficulty from Harry and looked at her 'Yes, surprisingly so' she replied.

 _what?!..._

'What?!' she asked again feeling her lips starting to form a smile.

Poppy wiped her hands upon the apron and looked back towards the bed 'We thought he had a heart attack again, but this time is was just some arrhythmia and severe weakness'

Hermione exhaled loudly 'He is fine then? He is not in a coma?' she asked trying to see towards the bed. He was lying there immovable.

'No, not in a coma, but he is sleeping and he is under heavy tranquillisers' she replied.

'Drugs? Why?' Harry intervened. Hermione knew why. If Snape was drugged it would be very difficult to communicate with him.

'Didn't the headmistress tell you what this man did a while back to our main entrance, Mr. Potter?' Poppy asked clearly sort of temper with him.

'Yes, she did, but it will be highly difficult to establish a conversation with him whilst he is under the influence' Harry replied.

'Apparently, but I don't think he is very keen in talking to us anyway' Poppy replied raising her brow.

'She is right, he just wanted to get out of here. If it hadn't been for that arrhythmia he might have even made it. Weakened condition or not the man brought the whole front part of the entrance down. Impressive as that was, it was still something highly dangerous and the school is filled with children. We can't have that. Good job Poppy' Minerva said solemnly.

'Yes, the Headmistress informed me. He used the same technique at Knockturn alley. In both cases he preferred raw force. I think he is emotionally unstable' Harry agreed.

'We want to keep him passive so he can take his medication and to keep him under control. He wants out and he made that quite clear this afternoon' Minerva said.

 _i don't blame him..._ Hermione thought. They were all discussing about him as if he was a lab experiment gone wrong. H _e needs to be controlled and to be passive and so on...doesn't anybody think how he is feeling?_

'How long until the drug wears off then?' Hermione asked. For once she was on Harry's side. She didn't want the man under tranquillisers. He deserved to have a clear head and decide for himself if he wanted to allow them to assist him. That was fair, what they were doing with him now, was not. She felt the first traces of anger rising from her chest.

'I intend to keep on feeding him, Hermione dear. It's not just one dose' Poppy said as if talking to an inane fifth year old.

'I don't think that is appropriate' Hermione replied.

'What do you mean?' Minerva asked.

'Don't you think he is entitled to decide if he _wants_ to stay or not?' Hermione asked and pointed towards the bed.

'You confuse me. Do you or don't you want him to heal?' Poppy asked.

Marcus looked at her then and his gaze was piercing. She drew a deep breath 'I want him to be able to decide if he _wants_ to heal. He is entitled to that, isn't he? By keeping him under sedation you are taking that given right away from him. That is hardly fair' she said honestly.

'I cannot allow him to ruin the school, Hermione' Minerva intervened.

'No of course you shouldn't. That's not what I am saying. Keep him under sedation for today, just give him a chance tomorrow or the day after to wake up on his own and decide what he wants to do. That's all. Don't _keep on_ feeding him the drugs' she said quickly.

Poppy and Minerva remained thoughtful. Harry spoke then 'I must say that will be the line of the Ministry also, Headmistress. They will need the Professor in full consciousness' he said.

'I cannot do that. If being awake means that he is going to be under heavy emotional stress, it will tire out his heart more than it already is, I am advising against it. Sleeping will allow him to accept his medication and also avoid heavy emotional demands' Poppy said.

'Maybe if we gave it one try and see how it goes? If everything goes well, then we can avoid further drugs' Hermione proposed hopefully. They seemed to be turning round.

'Maybe administer the drugs to him for a couple of days till he is stable again and then let him revive. If he is able to communicate properly and does not exhibit deviant behaviour then you stop the medications altogether' Harry added calmly. He seemed much more composed than when he had first came in.

'We could try that, what do you think Poppy?' Minerva said.

'I really don't know. My main concern is his heart you understand. It's healing will take a long time. That means that he needs to remain here for that time. I somehow don't think he is going to find that prospect very appealing. From what I saw this afternoon, I think he is going to rebel against such a proposition' Poppy replied.

'Let's at least give him a chance to hear it?' Hermione asked raising her hands towards them.

'I agree' Harry added 'And I am in line with the Ministry' he said to amp his words up. That seemed to be doing the trick.

'From what I heard I agree with this also' it was the first time Marcus spoke and it was to support her. Something that she appreciated deeply and she showed it to him by pressing his hand softly.

'Poppy, try to get him off the medication as soon as possible and we will take it from there' Minerva said.

'Very well. I will talk to the Mediwizards and I will start lowering his dose in the morning until I stop it completely. I warn you all though, If I see the slightest cause of emotional stress I am putting him under again. That means that you also have to contribute to his emotional balance when he does wake up. No one must aggravate him...' she turned towards Harry '...and that means especially _you_ Mr. Potter. I want you nowhere near this man until I see it fit, is that clear? Your history with him lays too heavy for his currently fragile health. Minerva?' she asked anxiously.

'I will agree on that point. Mr. Potter you may visit anytime on behalf of the Ministry or on behalf of yourself to learn about his health, but you may not barge into the infirmary. Not until Poppy gives you the green light' the Headmistress said solemnly.

'Not until I give everyone the green light. What happened today must not be repeated and you are all going to assist me' Poppy said.

They all nodded.

'Of course' Minerva said.

'If he doesn't want to talk to anybody, he gets his wish. Not even you Minerva, not the Ministry...' she looked at Harry who immediately lowered his eyes '...and certainly not the press' Poppy added.

'Everything will be done according to his wishes. It's the least I can do for him. Truly the least...'Minerva looked away thoughtfully.

 _The least any of us can do for him..._

Silence fell into the room after those words. No one spoke. Hermione turned towards Marcus and smiled to him briefly. He nodded and rubbed her back soothingly. That is when the medwizards walked towards them.

Poppy turned to them 'Everything alright Master Hughes?' she asked the tallest of the two.

'Yes, all is well. He is stable now, with no need for technical support. We have placed monitoring wards on his heart, but nothing else. If things continue like that you won't need us anymore. He is on the road to recovery, but it is going to be long and tax-full. Too much damage on his heart I am afraid' the man called Hughes spoke coldly and professionally.

'But he is going to heal, right?' Hermione asked eagerly.

'Yes of course, with the proper medication that is being supplied to his bloodstream right now, but he needs to avoid any emotional stress. You understand. We don't want to tax his heart anymore' he replied.

'Yes, that is what we have been discussing now' Minerva said.

'Very well then, Madame Pomfrey we are not needed anymore. If anything happens you must call St. Mungo yourself. If it is an emergency they will contact me at St. Catherine' Hughes added clinically.

'Yes, thank you let me walk you out' Poppy said.

'Thank you very much for your assistance' Minerva shook their hands respectively. Hermione and Marcus followed and then Harry. Soon they were alone again. Minerva turned to Harry.

'You should be going. Nothing more you can do here' she told him.

He nodded 'Can I wait for Hermione?' he asked.

'Sure, but do it outside please. He is not in a coma anymore and I want it to be quiet. No need to disturb him unnecessarily'

'Go Harry, me and Marcus will come in a moment' Hermione nodded at him.

Harry smiled uneasily and with one last look towards the bed he went out. Hermione followed Minerva close to the bed and Marcus followed. He was sleeping peacefully. The two IVs were reinstalled on his right hand. A new IV, which was the sedative, was on his other hand. His head was leaning towards the window. His eyes were closed, but fluttering with images of dreams. Something totally different from their haunting immovability when he was in a coma. Something that brought happiness to Hermione's heart. Albeit the heaviness of his situation she was glad that he was slowly recovering and that today's events didn't cause another lasting damage to his health.

'So, I suppose you will not be needing any help with monitoring him anymore?' she asked looking at Minerva.

'No, he has motion wards around him and around the bed. After what happened I am not risking him waking up, like he did this afternoon. Of all the improbable hours at the moment I had been called by my sister on the fireplace. I was gone for three minutes tops' Poppy shook her head.

That is when Hermione realised that she had selflessly bypassed how the Mediwitch might have blamed herself for today's mess. It had happened under her monitoring shift 'It could have happened to anybody' she said soothingly.

'No it happened to me, and I am responsible for him as a Mediwitch. Unacceptable. Minerva how can you ever forgive me?' the old Hufflepuff said sadly.

'Snap out of it Poppy. No use in crying over spilt milk. It was not the fact that it happened that worries me so. It is the fact of _how_ it happened' Minerva said.

'What do you mean?' Marcus asked.

'That he showed so much dislike towards the fact that he was here. I worry a lot about the next time that he wakes up' the headmistress said.

'I agree, any assumption in this case might be right on target' Hermione replied. Another long silence, upon which, they all watched Professor Snape thoughtfully. Finally Minerva gave the signal of the ending.

'I think we should all rest for today what do you think?' she asked all around 'He is resting and he is giving us a chance to take a breather until the next encounter. We should use it. Today has not been easy on anyone. No more monitoring is needed, so we must try to resume our usual programs of the day until we have more developments from our good Professor here. Hermione dearest you have done a wonderful job. Take Mr. Marcus by the hand and go get some rest' Minerva told her with a constricted smile.

 _Why does it feel so bad then...?_...Hermione felt her heart twitching in sadness when she was dismissed off her duties and hurried to blame it on the fact that she felt useless. She gave him one last look and watered her lips 'Good night...then...Headmistress...uhm...Poppy' she said.

'Goodnight dearest' Minerva said.

'Sleep well' Poppy replied rubbing her forehead.

Hermione tossed around the idea of wishing him goodnight also, but dismissed it as totally stupid, especially in front of Marcus. The most ironic part was that now she was certain he was going to hear her.

 _yes but you don't know if he is going to appreciate hearing you..._ she smiled and made a move towards the doors. Marcus followed close behind.

'Let's go get some rest' he said.

'Not yet' she replied as they reached the doors.

'Why?' he asked.

'Round one finished ...' she pointed behind her '...round two just starting...' she added pointing towards Harry, through the looking glass.

*****...*****

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	14. Chapter 14

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* * *

'Don't touch me...' his voice warned, but he heard it stretching abnormally.

 _what the fuck is wrong with me?..._ he thought and looked towards the window and the maroon curtains. He could see Poppy's outline standing in front of him, but nothing more than that was as clear. His eyesight was a total blur and his body felt heavy and difficult to manoeuvre. He felt as if he had just woken up from a very heavy bad dream. A totally different feeling from that shadowy world he had been trapped in. This time when he woke up, he was dazed, but not confused as to his whereabouts. He knew exactly where he was ... _again..._

He collapsed again upon trying to flee this accursed place, once more. That woman found him. That woman to whom the soft narrating voice belonged and they brought him back to the infirmary. He didn't want to be here, he wanted out. He made it quite clear to them yesterday.

 _was it yesterday?..._

How long had he been out again and why in the name of Merlin did he feel so damn heavy? The hand of Poppy checked one of his IV tubes and anger flared inside his mind. At that moment he wasn't quite sure with whom he was angry the most. With them, that brought him back in and didn't let him die on some isolated spot on the woods or with his body that failed his mighty escape? Maybe even for the fact that this woman was still messing around him. Hadn't she heard him when he told her not to touch him? Had he even said it out loud or had he thought it? Was he even awake?

'Hello Headmistress' Poppy said still touching him. He tried to move, but didn't know if he had succeeded at all.

'How is he doing?' the voice of Minerva was clear. He winced or he thought he did.

Last time he had heard that voice so close to him was that fateful night at the corridors. Were she had cursed him for being part of the Death Eaters and she attacked him full force. He didn't want to talk to that woman ever again, but there she was close to him, making his need to wake up, recover and flee as soon as possible.

'Very well actually. Heart stable 65-70, blood pressure 12 over 8. Recovering as expected. Let's just hope that he is not going to bring the whole effort down again, like he did yesterday' Poppy said.

'Is he close to waking?' Minerva asked.

'He is been off the sedatives for three days now, sleeping all on his own. He needs the repose, but my bet is he won't be long. He is moving about already' she replied.

 _you bet I am..._ he thought and tried to move his hand again, away from the clammy hand of Poppy. He must have succeeded this time for the reaction was immediate.

'There! You see? What did I tell you?' Poppy asked.

'Yes yes, I see it. Is there anything we can do now?' Minerva asked thoughtfully.

'Yes, put some guards around him so he won't try to bring the house down again. I can place all the wards I can on him and all the medication needed for his body, but I cannot control the way he calls on his magical resources. Neither can I control how much of it he uses and were and he has shown us that no matter his weakened condition his magic is still in a very good shape' the Mediwitch said.

 _what did I do?..._ he thought and tried hard to open his eyes again... _when did I close them?..._ he frowned.

His eyesight this time seemed a lot clearer as the colourful robes and white apron of the Mediwitch moved in front of him. He blinked a couple of times in the hope of washing away the last dizziness. He was partly successful.

'I know. Do you wish for the presence of Hagrid?' Minerva asked.

'No, wouldn't do us any real good if he wished to blow the joint up again would it?' Poppy replied dejected.

He tried to move again, the gut instinctive need to walk out of here, blazing strong inside him. He _was_ going to do it, he was certain. It was just a matter of his body cooperating and that damn witch keeping her fucking hands away.

'Oh hello dear, what brings you here this morning?' Minerva suddenly spoke to someone else and turned away from him.

A muffled voice replied, far away from the bed. He couldn't very well hear it and it was for the best. He wanted as few people around him as humanly possible, meaning zero. A small tag from his hand, reminded him of the IV tubes sticking out of him.

 _I am taking you off...you just see if don't..._ he warned the lifeless tubes. Warning them without a voice made his silly threat even more stupid, but that didn't dampen his spirits. He didn't intend to keep pretending asleep for much longer. Indeed, he intended to show that he was alert ...whenever his body allowed him. He tried again to lift his hand and this time he succeeded.

 _like now..._ the smile was inward and was outlived by another rush of anger when he felt the hand of Poppy falling heavy upon his own and immobilising him. What the hell was she thinking? Why was she touching him?

'Minerva oh...I think he is waking...' Poppy said.

The anger of been restricted turned into slowly boiling wrath and he tried his voice again. When it thundered heavy inside the infirmary walls, he was the one taken aback more than any other person in the room.

'I _said_ don't you lay your hands on me!' he thundered.

 _functioning again..._ he thought and with less difficulty than he had originally thought he managed to turn his head towards his captor.

Poppy's mouth dropped open 'Oh, my Severus...' she murmured. Probably didn't know what else to tell him, but that was for the best. He didn't want any discussions.

'Get off me!' he commanded trying to control his voice and his body at the same time.

Poppy didn't move for a few seconds. He decided to take the initiative and at the same time try out his body. He clenched his teeth and tried his arm. It uplifted easily with Poppy on it. The IV tube pulled painfully. The seething wrath exploded in a very short temper and he lifted his left hand and ripped them all from the root as he had done once before. Poppy drew away from him.

 _good..._

The left hand was pulling also and he turned his head to see another IV tube there. He pulled it out.

'No no, DON'T!' Poppy cried and tried to approach him.

'If you are wise, you should keep your distance' he drawled. Feeling empowered by the ability to use his voice, he pushed himself to a sitting position.

'You can't get up!' Poppy said and placed her hands upon his shoulders. His reaction was surprisingly quick for his sedated state. He lifted his arms and pushed her hands to the air.

'Don't touch me. What part of that sentence don't you understand?...Mediwitch' he hissed trying to make the title sound like an insult. It must have worked for Poppy drew back.

'Severus you don't understand...You are not well' she started.

That is when Minerva intervened. She dropped whatever conversation she was having and approached him quickly from behind.

'Severus please, you need to let us help you' she said carefully gentle.

 _no way..._

' _You_ in particular, keep your distance I am warning you' he said and raised his arm to her warningly. He didn't even turn to look at her. It was mostly because he didn't want to look at her face again.

'Severus you don't understand...' Minerva again.

'What?' he snapped.

'You are not well'

'And so it had been said' he replied and placed his foot on the ground. So much for a thundering escape. If he was to do this he had to do it slowly and he had to pass through all these people. That meant that he also had to talk to them...Right?...He stood slowly out of the bed. His legs buckled under him and he caught himself upon the mattress, inches from falling to his knees and making a bloody fool of himself in front of them.

'You are bleeding all over' Poppy said and made a move towards him again.

'I _said_ keep away' he commanded and looked at her behind his hair.

'But you need to take your medication. Or else your heart will fail again. It is very weak, you cannot...'

 _Do I really have to talk to them?._..with pure glee he realised that no, it was not necessary. What was necessary was to keep on making attempts to stand straight and to walk out of this place with his head relatively high again.

'Severus please, sit on the bed. You can barely stand, can't you see?' Minerva this time walked in front of him.

Unwillingly he raised his head and gazed at her. He gritted his teeth and pushed with his hands again. The weight felt heavy upon his legs. He felt old...too used...and this time angry only at himself, no one else. He got stuck in this rotten situation. They weren't to blame, he was the one that walked up to the gates that night after visiting Lilly. If he had just walked passed it and into the forest he would have been dead already and out of all this trouble. She was looking at him with the same plead that was in her voice, but her face brought back other memories. Memories of betrayal and pain and anger seethed in him. He tried an experimental step knowing full well it was going to be a disaster before he even took it. He crashed upon the floor.

Two pairs of hands were trying to lift him up. He pushed them away dismissively, without speaking anymore. There was no use to tell them to keep away all the time, was there? He could show it to them. There was really nothing else to discuss with them. The hands tried again and he pushed them away one more time silently. The pain under his knees felt sharp as his bones were protruding. He took hold of the railing and pulled himself up, mindful to avoid any vocalisations of the pain he was feeling on both his arms and legs. Apparently all those days and nights laying in a bed had weakened his muscles severely.

'Look we only mean well. At least let me clean your hands from the blood and then you can sit down and we can talk about it' Poppy said.

'Yes, Severus please. You are not in a good condition. You have been struggling to stay alive, for almost a month now' Minerva said. If nothing else had been able to draw a word from him, that did the trick.

'A month?' he enquired and looked up from his bend position.

Minerva closed her mouth and watered her lips 'A month, yes' she repeated.

 _a month?...i have been out for a whole month?..._ he thought and felt his knees buckling again. The weight was not only from his body, but also from the knowledge that the few days he thought he felt inside his mind had actually been weeks.

 _bloody hell..._ a pair of hands steadied him from the waist 'I asked you once!' he thundered. His voice echoing inside the infirmary. The hands drew away from him quickly.

He dragged his feet slowly and walked around the bed. It was a slow job, but he managed it. Why did he feel so heavy? Was it the sedation Poppy said they had been giving him, or just general weakness? Last time he woke up he had felt limp, but not this mess that he was feeling now. Had it been that last time his magic and his adrenaline had assisted him a lot, whilst now he only had himself to rely on?

'Where do you think you are going?' Minerva asked confused.

He didn't reply. Instead he released the railing and prayed that he wouldn't fall down again. Thankfully this time his legs held him. He was not really standing up straight, he was balancing on a tightrope.

'What are you trying to do? Leave?' Poppy asked.

 _stating of the bleeding obvious..._ he thought and he started a slow walk towards the doors.

 _must look amusing ..._ he thought and that buttoned him up. He straightened his body as much as he could and raised his head. His hair fell away from it and upon his shoulders.

'No, I cannot let you do this, you are not thinking straight' this time it was Minerva again. She was in front of him and was holding her hand in front of his face with an open palm.

'Am I under arrest?' he asked thrusting his chin forward in clear provocation.

Minerva looked confused 'Uhm...no of course not' she replied.

'Am I under Ministerial probation?' he asked again solemnly.

'No nothing like that' Minerva replied taken slightly aback.

'Do I belong to this school?' he asked again.

That gave her pause. She looked behind him at someone, asking for unvoiced solicitation. No answer came. She shook her head 'What do you mean?'

'Do you have the authority to contain me?' he asked steadily.

'No, of course not' Minerva replied.

'Are there any other official reasons, magical or otherwise that require my presence in front of you?' he asked again.

'Yes, your health' she retorted.

'Which is my concern and not yours' he rejoined.

'We are concerned also, you know' she snapped.

'Anything _more_ official than that ...woman?' he asked omitting her title on purpose.

She buttoned up and didn't answer for a few seconds. Then she shook her head in abandonment 'No Severus, no one can keep you here by force' she said.

He made a move to walk again, but she stopped him one more time 'Only your own body will stop you as it did once before. We can help you heal. Poppy can do it and you know it. Let us help you. No one is keeping you here by force, we are not your enemies. We are just concerned for your health. We just want to help you' she said.

'Not my enemies? Last time we two talked we were exactly that' he retorted coldly.

'Last time facts were not clear to me' she replied looking taken aback and also hurt.

'Do I look like I care?' he asked and tilted his head. She didn't answer. He started walking again, but the next voice that spoke was not Minerva. Neither was it Poppy. It was the soft melodic voice that had narrated stories to him those past few weeks. It made him stop short and raised the hair on the back of his neck.

'Professor please...' it trailed off. It was coming from his side. His eyes flickered there, but his head didn't move.

 _you..._

He heard soft footsteps approaching 'Can I please Headmistress?' the voice asked.

'Feel free my dear' Minerva replying.

'No you don't understand. I need some privacy with the Professor. Alone?' she asked timidly.

 _alone...?..._

Another long pause 'Me and Poppy will be over there' Minerva said. They walked past him and moved towards Poppy's offices. They remained there observing him and her...that woman that stood close to his side.

'I know you recognise my voice Professor...' she started and then stopped as if unsure how to speak to him.

 _yes ..._

'I have been speaking to you constantly those four weeks...' she trailed off.

 _I know..._

He heard footsteps closing in and turned around abruptly. He didn't want anyone close to him. She immediately raised her hands in defence 'I won't approach more, just please hear me out' she said softly. With that same narrating voice that kept his mind from falling apart, once upon a different reality.

He looked at her behind his hair, but didn't answer. He scanned her face. Now he was able to see more than her soft brown eyes. He was able to see her and it was a face he couldn't have easily forgotten, no matter how many years had passed since he last saw her. Her unruly hair and soft freckles, her trademarks, had followed her into adulthood.

 _Granger...?..._ Granger had been the woman that had kept him company inside his personal hell? Had it been _her_ voice that managed to draw him from his oblivion and onto life again?...what the hell was she doing here and more to the point, what the hell was she doing so close to him?

'Can I take your silence for consent then?' she asked lowering her arms. She looked scared. Ready to run away from him in the slightest of causes. He kept observing her silently.

'...I have been the one bothering you with my personal issues, when all the while you had been able to hear and not answer back...' she started obviously taking his silence for consent indeed. Not that she had been wrong in doing so. He was curious as to what this young girl had to tell him. If not for any other reason, then because her voice had been his lifeline and for that alone he was thankful to her.

 _am I?...did I want to ever come back?..._ he thought ruthlessly.

'...Professor, forgive me for being such a pain all those weeks. I didn't know that you could hear me. I had hoped that you could and that is why I tried to reach you, but I never really _believed_ it...' she muttered lowering her eyes towards the floor.

Hard as always his voice echoed inside the closed room 'Why do you think I care?' he asked.

At that she closed her mouth and visibly stiffened. He didn't feel any remorse. He turned around again and was about to start walking when her voice stopped him one more time 'You are right. Why should you care what I did? But you do care about getting out of here, don't you?' she asked.

He didn't move.

'Yes, you do Professor and you are even right in acting like this. I understand you' she said with simplicity. Her voice sounded so far away from the little child he remembered in his classes that always tried to draw his attention. Now it was careful and measured.

He turned around again and straightened 'You understand?' he said and raised his trademark brow at her.

She shook her head with a small smirk 'Of course I _don't_ understand what you have been through, but I _do_ understand what being trapped with no means of escape means, I assure you' she said.

Of course she did. He had hardly forgotten that it was her that had led the boys through the woods and into the hellish search for the horcruxes. It had been her, who had managed their survival and she was barely eighteen years old back then. Of course she could understand the feeling of been trapped. Not knowing how to make it out of a tight spot. He didn't reply. He kept on looking at her. Waiting...

'You deserve your freedom Professor, but what you don't understand is that no one is forcibly imprisoning you...' she said and raised her brows to him.

He silently scrutinised her.

'...we are not forcing you to stay Professor...we are...begging you to stay' she said and the effort of speaking like that to him was visible in her countenance. Well, it must have been seriously difficult for her to say the word 'begging' to him, and for that he was certain.

 _nice touch Mrs. Granger..._ he thought and blinked disinterested...

' _That_ must have been hard' he replied dryly and then turned around and started walking again.

'Wait!' she cried and reached him. She stood in front of him. Several inches below his chin with her head raised up. Her eyes were searching upon him.

He stopped.

'You want out, ok, but does your body want out also?' she asked quickly. That change of tune momentarily threw him off track.

'Your body, does your body cooperate with you?' she asked and pointed at him.

He slightly moved his head in confusion. She watered her lips 'Listen to me Professor. I know you don't like me. You never did and I don't expect you to change your feelings about me or about this school. I know why you want to leave and I applaud you. I would have probably done the same thing, had I been you, but look at yourself...' she said and pointed at him rudely again.

 _what the hell?..._ he thought and straightened up at this harsh change of attitude.

'...don't button up...look at you, look at your hands' she said. He raised his hand and saw that it was partly covered in dried blood. She didn't relent, she kept on pressing 'Look at your arms, not just your hand...just LOOK at them' she raised her voice.

He glared at her and frowned deeply 'Not me, your arms. See them? Look how thin they are. Have you any idea how thin _you_ are?' she asked. He raised his hand and rubbed his forearm. He felt the bones and muscles under his fingers. He knew that. He had seen himself in the mirror the other day. He looked like a bloody ghost.

'Your heart...' she started but he raised his eyes to her forbiddingly. She lowered her head and looked at her hands 'Your heart is not well either' she said after a short pause that she used in order to catch her breath or gain courage. Could have been either, for he was certain that she had never imagined talking to him specifically, like that.

She finally gazed solemnly at him 'Your heart may not be well, but we have managed to clear your body of the poison Professor. You are free of it. You have a chance to heal, do you understand? It won't be waiting for the next heart attack anymore. It had been a slow difficult job, but I managed to alter the original anti-venom and Poppy assisted you a lot with her charms...' she stopped and placed her hands upon her shoulders protectively 'Now do you understand? You are free from the poison. You are clean' she said.

He felt his chest exhaling hard, and his shuddering breath echoed in the room. At the same time all his muscles loosened up around him ...and under him. It was as if had been drawn tight upon a bow and someone just released him. He felt his knees buckling and looked behind him searching for the bed. He staggered back to it without any thought of looking graceful and sat heavily. Granger followed him and stood in front of him.

'Now you realise' she murmured more to herself than to him. Of course now he realised. He realised that he was free of a seven year torment that twisted and bend him out of shape. That made him unable to work, made him unable to breathe and unable to run or fight for himself. A poison that had been slashing through his heart and lungs, making him live in perpetual fear for seven bloody years. That terror of falling apart anytime, had become second nature to him. So much so that he had evolved his ways around it, so that he wouldn't trigger a meltdown by mistake. So that he wouldn't end up on his knees somewhere wishing for a quick death. What was the girl telling him now? That he was free of it? He was clean?

He raised his eyes to her and they were not distant. They were needy and he knew it, but at that moment he didn't care. He wanted to talk to her. For the first time in seven years he really wanted to talk to someone 'Clean?' he barely managed to articulate.

She smiled widely upon his reaction 'Yes, you are clean Professor. You have a proper chance to heal' she said and tried to reach out to . him. He immediately drew back. She withdrew her hand and sοbered up 'I am sorry' she muttered and lowered her eyes.

 _I am clean?...clean of that last painful thread of my past life?..._ the realisation was too heavy upon him and at the same time too bright. Making his heart beat faster. His heart was clean...it had a chance to heal. A proper chance to get well again. At that moment, all thought of crawling up on a ditch to die was trodden under the pressing need for self preservation. Any hesitation he might have felt before, got washed away under the need to get better.

'Professor, your body might be clean off the poison, but you have yet to heal' the forgotten woman in front of him said.

'What?' he asked feeling and sounding confused.

'Your heart has sustained the poison for seven years. It is ...rather ill. Poppy will be able to explain it better to you. You need to take medication in order to allow it to heal. That is what those IV tubes were. Your heart medication' she said.

He looked towards his hand.

'Your body won't allow you to go very far if you leave this infirmary Professor. Do you want to collapse and die?' she asked.

He raised his head to her and observed her closely. Where the hell did this girl got her courage from; and to answer to her question. Did he want to die anymore?

 _do I?..._ now that he knew that he was clean of the poison, did he want to die? Before he had no choice. He had been running towards death with nothing to stop him. That was the reason he had returned to this place to begin with. To settle his open accounts and then die and now this place was offering him life. Life...

 _do I?..._

He didn't answer. He knew not what to tell her. It all felt too much, too soon upon him. He felt lost and confused. His anger was momentarily place at bay by the new hope she presented him with.

'Here you have a chance to heal Professor. Heal and then walk out of here, but walk out healthy and strong. Let us help you heal and then turn your back to us and never speak to us again' she said.

He didn't speak.

'If you walk out now without your medication it won't be long until your heart collapsed again. Do you have any current means of making your own potions? If so I will give you the original potion so you can work on it' she said.

He frowned deeply confused.

'Do you?' she asked.

 _no..._ he thought in abandonment. Of course he didn't. He had no adobe, no money and no means to support himself. He had no means to cook himself breakfast let alone brew his own potion to help his heart. He raised his bloody hand and touched his brow completely dejected.

He felt the irresolution across him and prayed she wouldn't make another silly move to touch him, because he was ready to blow into a million small pieces 'If you can't, then allow us to do that for you. Merlin knows how much you have done for us Professor' she said softly.

Her voice was too soft and gentle for his fragile state. He simply felt unable to bare it anymore. He had no means to fend for himself...he had nothing...and no one...he felt his eyes burning at her words, so well thought off.

He laid down, feeling the merciless weight leaving his legs and turned slowly around, offering her his back. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply trying to control his tears and the feeling of helplessness. She was right, he was unable to help himself. He had been unable to do so for seven years and there she was. A mere girl had set him free from the poison and from his mind. She succeeded, where he had failed. He was weak and pathetic. He felt the weakness on his muscles, his bones and his heavy eyes. He felt it upon the relief his body expressed when he fell on the bed and he couldn't deny the need to heal; But his anger lingered, as he was yielding to her, to them. He was staying willingly this time, letting them win...

 _this round..._ he thought and he felt the blanket being drawn upon his body. He wanted to lash out and push her, but she made sure not to touch him at all. So he only felt the soft fabric sliding up his cold stiff muscles and warming him. He welcomed that warmth, savouring on it hungrily.

'I'll call Poppy Professor' she said and he heard her footsteps walking away slowly. He tried to block out everything around him. Trying to control hard the need to hide under the blanket like a disappointed seven year old and cry. He didn't move. He kept his eyes closed and his breathing measured. Extinguishing the fire in his chest and the burning in his eyes. When Poppy came back and asked him with an irresolute voice if she could place the IV tubes back, he only heard the word medication and he only thought of healing. He offered his hand to her, thinking of walking away from this place, this time without running or hiding. This time without the poison slowly killing him.

 _But never with my head held high...never...again..because I asked help from the people that called me a murderer and a traitor..._

Anger and disappointment bubbled up inside him, but he didn't move when he felt Poppy taking his hand on hers. His skin crawled and he wanted to jump out of the bed away from her, but something held him still. It was the unsurpassable fear of not being able to breathe again. That fear was stronger than any revulsion he may have felt to human touch. When the needle pierced his skin, he felt defeat and that turned into unshed tears. So he remained still until Poppy finished up with him. By the time she begun telling him something about his medication, he was already drifting into another infernal sleep and he welcomed it like a dry land welcomes the rain...

* * *

*****...*****

*****...*****


	15. Chapter 15

*******...*******

* * *

'Good morning baby' Mark nuzzled near her neck. Hermione moved her eyes from the place they had been stuck for over an hour feeling them heavy and burning.

'Good morning' she murmured feeling way too tired. She felt his hand sliding up the nightdress and caressing her thigh softly.

'Mm...are you awake yet?' he asked kissing her earlobe. He knew she didn't enjoy being woken up with sexual ministrations. In fact she hated it when first thing in the morning someone wanted to kiss her mouth and rub on her. That is why he was testing the waters before plunging in too deep for his own good. This morning though she really was _not_ in the mood to pretend for him.

She was too tired and too emotionally burdened. She had woken up in the middle of the night for the tenth day in a row. Unable to sleep and mulling over what had happened that day when _he_ woke up on the infirmary for the second time. These thoughts had deprived her off her sleep and off her emotional stability. After that day where she had been driven away by both him and Minerva she had been unable to rest properly. Her mind continuously played over her brief encounter with her old Professor. His cutting manners bruising her from first contact. She didn't know why she expected something different from him. He had been like that since she could remember him, but she had hoped that _maybe_ just _maybe_ the fact that he had been listening to her all along would have given him reason to be a little more courteous to her.

 _alas..._

And she was sure that he had recognised her. Even though the words he spoke to her were few and pointy and he never used her given name to address her. The recognition had been crystal clear when he turned around and pierced her with those dark menacing eyes half hidden behind his dark hair. Maybe his cutting words were a result of that recognition. She knew how he had always felt for her.

 _no, for all of us..._

She rather doubted that what happened in between might have changed the way he was feeling about her now. Maybe the fact that she had been speaking her head off to him during the time he was in a coma, had made matters even worse between them. He sure didn't seem well predisposed to her person, but then again he didn't look well tuned towards anyone in the school, or with the facilities either. He simply didn't want anything to do with them.

All this could have meant nothing to her, if it wasn't for a two facts that shocked her. First was, his obvious hissing fear towards any human touch. Cringing away or snapping angrily at _any_ attempts to being handled. He acted like that with everyone, no exceptions made. This repulsion made her heart complain. She didn't know why, but she found his need for isolation from human touch deeply upsetting.

 _how can he stand to be so alone...?_

She knew how healing the human touch was. How soul repairing a hug was and he was denying all of that to himself. The most wretched part of it all was that she _knew_ that this was the way he had lived for most of his life and every time she remembered that, her stomach tilted the wrong way round.

The second fact that had shocked her, had been his obvious lack of control when she told him that his body was free from the poison. She was trying desperately to find a way to keep him at the hospital and she kept on failing. He was walking steadily towards the doors, when epiphany came to her.

 _...approach him honestly..._ and so she did and, lo and behold, he reacted to her. He listened to her and she was mesmerised by her weird ability to capture his attention. She told him the truth, that he was free from the poison that manhandled his heart and lungs. The last thing she had expected was to see him break down right there, inches from her. She had felt the relief coming out of him, upon those news and when he had required a repetition she gave it to him, along with a very honest smile. Her heart smiled too, upon seeing him so open and so ...so ...solaced?...and she had made the mistake of extending her hand to touch him. An action that was met with the same obvious revulsion to her...

 _no, to everyone around him..._

She raised her hand and rubbed her eyes still feeling the mouth of Mark on her ear and his hand passing through her knickers rudely. She closed her eyes and shook her head in negation.

When he turned her back to her, clearly dismissing her, she had accepted her defeat hoping within her heart that during his coma, he hadn't also _felt_ her. She had impulsively caressed his hair and his hand so many times. She was only trying to offer comfort to him, yet if he knew...oh hell...he would have cursed her to the deepest abyss.

'Wanna play around, baby?' Mark murmured into her ear obviously aroused. His hardness was pressing rudely between the cheeks of her bottom. His hot breath was burning her ear.

 _no, not really..._ she thought and briefly toyed with the idea of giving him a blow job, as she did most mornings when he wanted sex and she didn't. The idea was quickly discarded. This morning she really was _not_ in any mood and she was going to ask for her privacy space as smoothly as possible.

'I can't today, I have a headache' she said softly. His ministrations stopped abruptly and he raised himself on his elbow.

'How can you be having a headache first thing in the morning?' he asked.

'I didn't sleep well last night' she replied finding the chance he offered her, too hard to resist. She turned on her back and gained some distance from him. She offered him a warm smile and rubbed his arm.

'You haven't been sleeping well for many nights in a row Hermione. What the hell is going on?' Mark sounded demanding.

'I am tired, just tired' she replied pushing the covers away and getting up. She wanted out of the bed and into the bathroom to wash her face and to relieve her bladder.

'You are tired because you are not sleeping, and you are not sleeping because you are tired? You are making no sense' Mark told her dismissively.

'Mark don't be daft' she muttered entering the toilet and pulling her underwear down. Really too early in the morning to be having this conversation wasn't it?

'I am not being daft, I am being confused. Tell me then, what is that keeps you awake at night, because as sure as hell it's not me' he said coming to the door. He reposed his arm on the ledge and looked at her seriously.

'I have a lot of things on my mind' she said and heard her urine trickle down the toilet.

'Like?' he asked.

'Mark, is this necessary? I have two classes this morning and lunch with Harry. As if those two aren't enough' she wiped and got up.

'Lately you have become more distant, you are easily bothered and you are also not sleeping well. That might be all well and good if you want to belt yourself for something, but this mood of yours is passing down to me' he said.

'Am I upsetting you, is that it?' she asked looking up from the running water.

'I am trying to understand what is making you so introverted. We are not even having sex anymore. Have you realised this?' he asked.

She wiped her face and shook her head 'I am having a difficulty performing sexually when I am this tired you know. I am not doing it to bother you I swear' she resulted in being ironic. It was the next best solution to having a fight with him.

'And you are being tired because you are not sleeping. WHY the hell are you not sleeping then?' he asked.

'I have a lot in my mind alright?' she said putting on her muggle clothes and drawing above them her crimson robes.

'Like?' he asked again.

She looked up closing up the last buttons and pursued her lips. She walked over to him and leaned her hands upon his shoulders 'Look this last month hasn't been easy on me. It hasn't been easy on any of us. Too many memories of the past troubling me and too much lack of sleep. I will recover soon, I promise, but if I don't will you abide by me?' she asked softly caressing his cheek. Taking the offensive with him would have certainly ended in a heavy fight and she was not in the mood for that. Better caress his egotism and go about her business, at least for this morning.

'Hermione don't lock me out. I am only trying to help' he said exhaling deeply. Maybe he did mean well and it was not just the sexual deprivation that was speaking this morning.

'I promise I am not locking you out. What happened brought back to me many painful memories. They are rolling around my mind constantly. I am trying to put everything back in order, honey. That's all there is to it' she replied smiling.

He looked at her thoughtfully for a couple of moments and then as if deciding he nodded 'Very well, but at least try to get some rest. Your fatigue is weighing heavily upon both of us' he said one more time reminding her that she was affecting him as well. Something that she didn't need to be reminded off. She was already heavily burdened. She leaned and kissed him on the lips softly. He opened his mouth and tried to deepen the kiss. His hand run up her thigh and onto her buttocks squeezing her playfully.

 _what did I say about his sexual deprivation a few moments ago? ...strike that..._

'I have to go!' she said. Mark nodded and smiled at her 'See you after lunch with Harry, then?' he asked.

She smiled picking up her dossiers and her books and tiptoeing towards the front entrance 'Will do, have a lovely day' she said.

'You too'

***...***

Several hours later found her far more tired and far more thoughtful, having drinks with Harry. He looked like he was in need of sleep and he was not in the best of moods as always.

 _not always, just since he came back..._

'How is Albus?' she asked trying to draw him out of his contemplations.

'Albus-Severus Mione, please' he retorted quickly.

She rolled her eyes 'Fine, how is Albus-Severus doing then?' she wanted to sound playful.

'He is constantly crying, feeding, sleeping and popping" he dismissed her.

"What about James?" she said patiently.

Harry smiled 'Growing older...what did you expect him?'

'To be composing his second piano sonata...Harry!' she exclaimed.

He looked up dazed.

'Please, I mean really this is inappropriate. Don't do this during our lunch'

'Do what?' he asked lost.

'Be _social_ for Merlin's shake! I came here with the best intentions to have a good time. Heaven knows, I had a difficult morning with Mark and the two double classes I had. I came here to unwind' she said.

'And?' he asked.

'You are not making it easy?' she pointed out.

'Hermione, you know very well that I need to see him. I need to speak to him' Harry said. For the millionth time this noon. And for the millionth time Hermione tried to explain.

'I told you before. He doesn't want to talk to anybody. We held him in the school with great difficulty. Only the realisation that he has a chance to heal, kept him to the infirmary. Even like that though, he is not talking to anybody. He's been like that for ten days and nights. He is awake, but he is not communicating. Poppy is happy that he is not fighting off her efforts to provide him with medication, and Minerva is happy that he hasn't attempted to blow up the school again. The students have gone haywire, because right now the WHOLE magical world knows he is alive and they are always trying to bust into the infirmary during the night. I haven't seen so many wards around the hospital ever, Harry. Poppy is on the edge. Minerva is trying to control the students _and_ the curious parents that demand to know if he is truly there. Some of them _still_ have issues with his former Death Eater status, you see. And in the middle of all this circus, he is wants nothing to do with any of us. The last words he spoke were those spoken to me the day he woke up' she said and leaned her head back passing her hands from her forehead. A rather strong headache was starting to form there.

 _again..._

'Has anyone told him that I wish to speak to him?' Harry asked.

'And what makes you think that's gonna be a bonus with him?' Hermione asked.

Harry didn't respond there.

'Because of the memories he showed you once upon another era? Or because he was protecting you? Or maybe because he loved your mother?' Hermione said and leaned forward turning her glass thoughtfully 'I, for one, think that none of these are reasons enough for him to see you. Maybe they'd be reasons for quite the opposite' she finished.

'He doesn't want to see me' Harry said and placed his head between his hands dejected.

'He doesn't want to see anybody. Harry he doesn't even want to eat. He just wants out, don't you see?' she asked touching his arm.

'Has anybody told him?' he asked again looking up.

'You think you are the only one who wants to see him? Have you any idea how many times Malfoy senior and Draco came to see him? And those two he used to like a lot. They are practically family. What chance do you think you've got?' she inquired twisting her lips.

'The Malfoys are at Hogwarts?' he asked straightening up.

'Hide the auror in you Harry. Snape is Draco's god father or have you forgotten? Or maybe you have forgotten how you felt about Sirius?' she sounded harsh, but she wanted to put some order to his thoughts. He was not managing very well on his own.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and nodded 'I forgot' he simply said.

She drew a deep breath 'Listen, it's not easy on anyone. I haven't slept for ten days, since he woke up. My fiancee is having issues, because I am not performing sexually for the sake of heavens'

Harry harked at that 'Oh, you haven't done that crime, have you?' he asked.

She smiled and winked at him 'Today I refused him completely. I bet he is going to be really angry with me this afternoon' she said in a sing song manner and drank another sip of wine.

'So what is Poppy saying about his health then?' Harry sobered up after a moment and returned to what burned him most. Severus Snape.

'He is very stable and doing well. His heart is gaining strength by the minute, but in order to recover he also needs to eat and to start walking around in order to build his muscles again, which are close to atrophy. Something that he is refusing to do' she said becoming thoughtfully solemn.

'Can't she force him?' Harry asked.

'Do you know _many_ people who can _force_ something upon Snape?' she raised her brow.

'So what is she thinking of doing?' Harry asked.

'She doesn't know yet. She is concentrating to provide him with the medication for his heart and on dealing with the wards that are being broken constantly. It's a mess. Really, a mess' she said to herself.

'What are you thinking?' Harry asked.

'If I can do anything to help him' she replied honestly. This was Harry, not Mark and she didn't need to hide anything from him. That was the main question that had been bugging her all these days. That is what had kept her awake all those nights.

'What do you think you can do for him? You yourself told me a minute ago that he wants nobody near him' Harry pointed out.

'Yes, but he had been listening to me during his coma. I told you what happened when he collapsed. That he recognised my voice. Maybe if I talked to him again. I don't know really' she said.

Harry looked at her thoughtfully 'He knows who you are and that automatically means he is negatively tuned towards you. It goes with the territory of being my friend...'

She took a long drawn breath 'Yet...'

A long pause ensued under which Harry just observed her. She twirled the glass with the amber liquid inside. '...yet he listened to me when I reasoned to him about his health. He listened to no one else, but me' she said in a measured tone.

'Ah, don't puff yourself up Hermione. You just happened to be the most straightforward and you used the right terms on him. Mainly ...we-can-cure-you' Harry said quickly dismissing her.

She looked down. Yes, but she had spoken to him so much during his coma. Maybe just maybe he had heard everything. Maybe he was giving her a chance, because she had been there for him. And maybe she could do that again with him. There was no harm in trying, was there? In the worst case scenario he would curse her out of the room. If that happened then she'd leave him alone, but as the situation was right now, everything told her _not_ to leave him alone. He was as alone as he could get. What he needed was someone to slowly draw him out of that seclusion. Well, maybe Harry was right in telling her that she was valuing herself a little too high in the Snape market, and she was doomed for a major slip up, but she was not seeing anyone else try anything with him. She looked up at her friend.

 _well, Harry does..._

but his attempts would manage the exact opposite. The Malfoys were trying hard also. Last one to visit was Narcissa. She wasn't allowed near him. No one even dared tell him that he had visitors. Everyone seemed too busy praying he wouldn't pull away from the medication, or that he wouldn't call on his force barehanded again. So what was the next best option?

 _me?..._ she sure as hell was not certain about what exactly she was thinking. She didn't even know what course of action she needed to follow. All she was certain about was that _someone_ needed to do _something for_ him. Something more than medication and the noble offer for seclusion.

'Yes, you are probably right Harry, I am sorry' she smiled sweetly at him. She was not going to take him into this trip with her. He was too overly charged with the situation as it was already. Whatever was going to happen, was going to be done by her and her alone. How?

 _I have no fucking idea..._ she looked up and Harry was smiling at her.

'Look I really have to go back, give Ginny my love and kiss your boys for me, alright?' she asked.

Harry stood up slowly and took her long blue coat in his hands like a gentleman 'I'll talk to you soon Mione' he said.

She wore it and pulled her long hair above the collar 'When is the next official visit then?' she asked.

'On the record, when he is able to communicate' Harry said.

'Of the record?' she asked smiling again.

'When I get a word from you' Harry said and smiled at her.

'I am not going to be your stooge, forget it!' she exclaimed pushing him back playfully.

'Hermione please, you know what this means to me' Harry said almost pleadingly. Bypassing her call for games. That one on it's own proved how seriously he was taking all this.

'Look, _if I_ I ever get the chance, I'll tell him that you want to see him. I promise. I cannot promise anything about his answer though Harry' she said scrounging her lips distastefully.

Harry nodded 'That's more than enough for me' he said and pulled her into a tight hug.

 _oh Harry..._ she thought burying her head onto his shoulder...

***...***

That evening found her entering the infirmary instead of going back to Mark in her apartments. She wasn't feeling at ease with all this, but everything was telling her to be there. Two things seemed off as she entered. The first was a rather large portrait hanging opposite his bed and the second that there was no one close to him. He was totally alone. She peaked at the offices and she saw Poppy snoring softly upon her couch. It was too early to sleep, maybe she was taking a nap.

She walked as softly as she could, trying to keep the heels of her shoes quiet and she drew back the curtain. Her eyes fell on him. He had his back to her. He was lying on his side and the blanket was half way down to his waist. She took a long deep breath and looked back to the offices. No sign that she had disturbed anyone.

 _good..._

She entered holding her breath and controlling her every move. Hoping that she wouldn't wake him up in case he was asleep. It was too early to be sleeping, but he was tired and ill. That meant that he had an improbable sleeping pattern. She sat down carefully upon the easy chair that transfigured the moment she touched it. That magic of Poppy still remained.

She heard the rustling of her clothes and it echoed way too loudly for her tastes. She wanted to be as silent as humanly possible. When she rested at the edge of her sit she observed him. His back and waist were not covered and his hair rested half upon his shoulder and half on the white pillow. She looked towards his arm resting on his side. It was moving calmly up and down, rhythmically, along with his breath. She tried to push back the image of his laboured controlled breathing weeks ago, when he was still struggling for life. They had gone far, hadn't they? He was well into recovery.

 _so what the hell are you doing here then?_

She was not truly needed. There was no more need to watch over him and yet she wanted to be here. She wanted to sit at the edge of her chair and enjoy the silence around her. She needed to repose her tired mind on his calm breathing, in hope that it would be able to calm her down also. He hadn't moved since she came in and she was still thinking what the hell she was doing there instead of being with Mark this evening. He was probably searching for her already. She had only come for a quick visit to see how things were, nothing more than that, but as time passed by slowly she found her eyes drifting from his back, that was rising and falling calmly, towards the window were an almost full moon shone bright behind the maroon curtains. She felt her breathing starting to calm down also and her hands relaxed upon her knees. Her mind drifted between the moon and the man that slept peacefully in front of her.

 _how long has it been since I have felt so calm?_...the thought came on her weary mind.

She lifted her hand and touched the covers softly. He didn't move. She pulled it up and covered his back making sure as not to touch him. The thought that Mark was expecting her lingered vague at the back of her mind as she gathered her feet under her, making herself more comfortable. She pulled her warm jacket around her and leaned her head back. Her eyes feasted at the bright moon and her ears on his calm breathing.

She had no idea how long she remained there and he moved just barely. Slightly changing his breathing pattern, but only for a short while. She took care not to bother him, and as the time rolled by easily so did her spirits calm down. Only then did she understand why she had chased after this. Because it was so calm and quiet. When she walked softly out of the infirmary she also knew another truth. He was doing well and that he was getting better. That managed to unload all the weight she had been carrying on her shoulders, since he had woken up. She had come with the need to assist him in some manner, but he had helped her instead...

***...***

Severus opened his eyes slowly and looked towards the open maroon curtains. The pale new moon could barely be seen behind the cloud formations. He couldn't tell the time exactly, but from the position of the moon and the quietness of his abode, he sassed that it was probably late at night. What was he doing up then at this hour? He didn't feel as if he had slept too long, but he knew what it was that woke him up.

It was the same thing that had woken him up for the last six days. A silent presence sitting at the chair behind him. He could hear her breath and the rustling of her clothes as she moved. He could smell her perfume and he had felt her touch, when several times during those days she had covered him up. He hadn't moved any time. He didn't want her to know that she had woken him up albeit her honest tries to be quiet. Most of all he didn't want to think what she was doing there night after night. Most of the times his own unsurpassable weakness caused him to fall asleep soon after waking up, so he didn't know how long she was staying; But he still couldn't understand what she was doing here in the first place. She wasn't really bothering him. She was very discreet. But...

 _why?..._

He closed his eyes again feeling the presence behind him. Trying to fall asleep, as he had done so many times before. His eyes drifted towards the moon one more time. Beautiful it was, timidly peeking behind the white clouds. He suppressed the need to jump out of bed and pull back the curtains completely, or use his magic to do it. He didn't want her to know he was awake. She would soon leave again, and once more he would be alone in there.

Something in that thought made him cringe. Her presence, no matter how peculiar and unforeseen was keeping him company. Quiet, thoughtful company and in his ill state he was giving it more appreciation than he ever thought possible. Sure enough, he didn't need anyone's presence near him during the day. What changed that during the night? Maybe the pale moon that mocked him for being unable to move in order to see it better. Maybe his emotional burden from the last seven years, that he had been carrying around dutifully with him. Maybe the fact that he escaped death so many times he had lost count. Or maybe because he knew that now he had one chance to heal and maybe live. Above all, the knowledge that the presence behind him was the same presence that brought him back from his oblivion. That on it's own, stopped his instinctive need to turn around and lash out to her. He wanted to do it...his mind was ordering him to do it, but his heart was not following.

 _at least try to sleep..._ he ordered himself. She was not going to bother him and he knew it. He might as well try to get some sleep as his body desperately needed it. He cleared his mind and concentrated on her slow breathing, calming himself down. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard a peculiar shift in the pattern. Her breathing had changed somehow. There was something amiss. He stopped his own breathing to listen and soon enough he had realised what was so strange.

 _crying...she is crying?..._ he opened his eyes abruptly and his brows furrowed.

His gazed towards his back. Alert and tuned to her, he could clearly hear her tears and her strained breathing. Without any thought, letting instinct guide him, he unexpectedly turned around to her. The covers rolled around him and he rested his head back on the pillow. Offering her a scrutinising glare. She met his eyes terrified and covered her mouth with her hand.

He hated women that cried, but this moment he felt nothing more than genial interest. First and foremost as to _why_ she was here again and second as to _why_ she was crying. For a moment forgetting his own woes, in front of this young woman that cried alone next to the bed of an invalid she barely knew.

 _makes no sense..._

She gazed back at him, terrified to move or even breathe, in order not to disturb the sensitive balance between them. He toyed the idea of speaking to her, but voted clearly against it. He sufficed in looking straight into her eyes. Remembering if only just barely the young student he once taught. Nothing much remained of that young girl though. Those eyes looking back at him, were eyes that had seen too much for their age.

'Oh Merlin...I...forgive me' she muttered under her breath.

He kept on looking at her.

'I am so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up Professor' she said drying up her tears quickly and composing herself. 'I know you don't want anyone near you and I promise that no one send me. I just came here...I came here to...I...' she looked at him at a loss for words.

His brows locked in a deep frown.

She watered her lips and rubbed her hand upon her thigh. She was sitting on an easy chair.

 _an easy chair? ..._ he was pretty certain that next to him was always a hard infirmary chair, not the plush soft thing he was seeing under her now.

'...I came here to see if you are alright' she said finally.

He inwardly cringed. No one really _just_ wanted to see if he was alright. Not unless they had something to gain out of him. In the past it had always been so. Why should it be any different now and from the most unlikely person possible?

'I can ...I can go if you want me. I don't mean any harm, you know' he voice timid and uncertain, netted him the wrong way.

Having half of his questions answered and not in a mood to speak to her, he did what was the next best choice for him. He turned around and offered her his back one more time. Not really answering to her call, to send her away, if he so wished. It would have been easy to send her the hell away, but with unforeseen sensitivity, he restrained himself.

He offered her his back, with the hope that his body language would provide her with her answer, and then he waited. Counting inwardly until he could hear her raising from her chair and leaving him alone. This time he would have a great big difficulty sleeping, after their brief encounter. He remembered her crying and he shut his eyes bothered.

 _this shouldn't really matter to me..._ he told himself and remained still. Instead of hearing her leave, he felt the soft fabric of the covers being lifted up to his shoulders.

 _she is covering me up again..._ hadn't he made it perfectly clear to her that he wished for his privacy? What has she read wrong about his body language? He opened his eyes with a deep frown and he was ready to turn around, when her voice penetrated the darkness around them.

A soft light appeared behind his back as she started narrating...one more time narrating to him 'I was eager for fame and wealth and marriage, but you only derided these ambitions. They caused me to suffer the most galling difficulties, but the less you allowed me to find pleasure in anything that was not yourself, the greater, I know, was your goodness to me. Look into my heart my Lord, for it is your will that I should remember these things and confess them to you. I pray now that my soul may cling to you, for it was you who released it from the deadly snare in which it was so firmly caught. It was in a state of misery and you probed it's wound to the quick, prickling it on to leave all else and turn to you to be healed, to turn to you above all things and without who nothing could exist...'

 _Can such a healing exist?..._ he thought bypassing the fact that she was reading to him, as she had done when he was comatose.

'It is from St. Augustine's confessions, Professor. He is a muggle monk. I suppose you don't know much about muggle religion, but in short they believe into a higher being that is responsible for their protection and for their woes and happiness' she said softly behind him.

 _Why is the salvation of our soul, so much more base?..._ he thought, but didn't move.

'I'll read you some more shall I? Might put you to sleep, quicker' she said and he heard a page turning.

The need to turn around and lash to her vanished completely under her following words. Spoken softly and evenly into the night. Making him woozy but also thoughtful of what he was hearing. Thoughtful of why she had remained when he had clearly showed her his back. One of the last thoughts before his eyes closed, was the fact that she was covering him up again.

 _such a thoughtful action..._ and such actions were _never_ meant for him.

***...***

Next day Severus woke up there were voices around him _._ It bothered him to no end as usual, but this morning was somehow different. In the stead of his usual anger for being woken and desperation for being stuck in this place, this time he felt relatively ...peaceful. His eyes fell to the curtains and he saw behind them the heavy clouds.

'How is he today?' he heard the voice of Minerva asking. He blinked almost disinterested and observed the clouds. He really wanted to see them more clearly. Not thinking about his actions much, the same as he had done yesterday, he simply spoke.

'Draw the curtains back'...his voice was rough and unused. It took more than a few seconds to realise that he was the one that spoke.

'What?' came the surprised question and he saw Poppy coming in front of him. Blocking his view of the clouds. He turned his eyes to her boringly and blinked one more time.

'I _said_ draw the curtains back' he repeated this time not so patiently.

Poppy opened her mouth and her brows rose up to her hairline in surprise. Of course she was taken aback. He had avoided any communication since they have found him. This was actually the first time in a month and a half that he had initiated communication with anyone on his own. He had no idea what propelled him to do it, but he went along with that instinctive need.

A couple of words wouldn't give them the wrong idea about him, surely. Poppy was not responding though. She was simply looking at him bewildered. He was ready to say it again this time more forcefully, or even bypassing her and using magic to do it on his own, when Minerva intervened out of nowhere and opened the curtains herself. The dim light passed through and his eyes feasted on the beautiful rain clouds outside. He blinked and relaxed his head on the pillow now needing to forget that two women were staring at him.

'Severus?' this time Minerva approached him.

He looked at her for a few moments and then looked outside one more time. He had been bedridden for too long to bypass the chance to admire nature and this time he needed it so much, that it was painful. Minerva stood in front of him, this time on purpose blocking his view outside.

'Move' he commanded, resting his eyes upon her slowly.

'No' she said and straightened 'You wanna look outside? Stand up and do it on your own' she said and crossed her hands in front of her chest.

 _what?..._ what the hell? His eyebrows knitted on a heavy scowl.

'Don't look at me like that, young man. I've known you since childhood, that look doesn't faze me. Get up' she said again.

He knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to pull him out of the bed. He knew that he needed to move, but he felt his muscles so weak it was pathetic. So he preferred to remain in bed, than having to be reminded that he was half the man that he used to be.

'You know _nothing,_ old witch' he hissed unable to control the sudden burst of adrenaline. What right did she have to speak to him this way? Had she forgotten their last encounter...because as sure as hell, he hadn't.

'Your rudeness doesn't nettle me and you have to stand up. Get out of that bed and walk. Or else you won't heal' she said with the same command in her voice.

 _you have no right to command me..._ he straightened his arm under him and pushed slowly to a sitting position. Feeling all his muscles screaming and all his bones crackling.

 _old..._

'Get away from me, witch, or you will see more than my rudeness' he spat with anger towards her. Poppy run up to him, to fix the IV tubes on his hand. He pulled away from her getting angrier by the minute 'Do I need all these things on my hand?' he snapped at her.

She nodded trying to fix them 'Yes, yes' she said 'This is your heart medication and this is your nutrition' she said. He looked at the nutrition IV and without warning he tore it off his arm.

'Oh no, not again Severus please' Poppy exclaimed and tried to get close to help him. He raised his hand and stopped her.

'Severus look I am sorry, I am leaving alright? Just put your IV back, please. I never meant any harm. I just want you to heal quickly. We all do' Minerva said sadly.

He looked outside to the clouds. He pushed with his hands and landed on his bare feet. Poppy run and brought the IV stand next to him 'You want help?' she asked. He raised his head and pushed his hair away from his eyes.

'What I want is a cup of coffee, if you are able not to mess it up' he snapped and moved past her slowly towards the window.

Minerva backed away so he could pass. He felt the cold draft enveloping his weak body, making his shudder, but he didn't mind. He wanted... _needed..._ to walk alone towards nature. To get as close to the free air as he could. Let them feast on his weakness. He didn't care.

'A cup of coffee' the snort came behind him. He didn't turn around 'Hell Severus after seeing you walk up to the window on your own volition I am ready to give you anything' Minerva said.

'To hell you are not! Coffee...? what do you think you are up to, Severus? You have barely escaped death and you have been in a coma for a month. You have been IV fed for the same length and you are as thin as a pin and the first thing you ask for, is coffee?' she almost hollered.

'Address me properly or don't address me at all' he said coldly observing the clouds. They were heavily grey and moving rather quickly.

'Very well then Headmaster, I cannot bring you coffee' Poppy said.

Severus felt the stinging in his heart and he turned around fast. His long hair rested to the side upon his chest 'I said properly, witch, not with irony' the menace clear in his voice.

Poppy watered her lips 'I was anything, but ironic' she said and she did sound honest.

He scowled deeply 'Tread carefully' he warned.

'Severus please, would you like something else instead of coffee? It's too early upon recovery for something so strong' Minerva said softy. He drew his eyes away from Poppy with difficulty and turned towards the clouds again.

'What can you offer me then?' he asked angrily.

'We have to start of slowly...Professor' Poppy tried 'I will order the elves to fix you some chamomile and soup. Is that ok with you?' she asked.

His stomach complained upon the thought of food. He really was not hungry, but he knew that was because of the IV. Now that he had taken it off he would be blood thirsty and famished in the next hour or so. He nodded softly and kept on looking at nature.

'Very well, I am off. If you can, please walk around the infirmary a little. It is empty. It will help build up your muscles, but the moment you feel out of breath or tired lay down again' she said behind him.

He didn't speak. He knew that he barely had strength to take two steps before collapsing and he was not about to do it in front of them. He was going to wait to be alone to endeavour that.

Another dramatic pause behind him 'You have no idea how happy I am to see you standing' Poppy said and she sounded emotional. He didn't have to fight not to look. He didn't really care.

Minerva was still there and gave proof of her existence immediately 'Me too, dear old boy' she said.

'I am no one's dear old boy, do you understand?' he asked menacingly and looked at her sideways.

'Severus look I want to talk to you. I want to tell you that things are not as you left them. People now know what you have done. I know now and you cannot imagine how so...'

'...save it...I don't care' he hissed in low voice. Her face closed up tight on that remark. He smirked 'Get the hell out of here' and his voice was so dismissive and mean that the old witch lowered her head and almost run out of the infirmary. He didn't care. He wanted them away from him. He would use them to heal, but that didn't mean that he was ready to forgive anyone.

 _no..._

Time passed by with him looking out of the window and with trying to take the walk that Poppy had suggested. He knew he needed to build up his muscles and now he could do it. He was alone and he had the freedom to look weak. No one was watching him. When he finally turned back from his small and painful walk around the infirmary, which even included a daring walk at the antechamber, he was exhausted and his muscles were hurting bad. Not his heart though and neither his breathing. He didn't remember how long it had been since he last felt relatively healthy.

He looked towards the side table and saw the plate of soup and the cup of chamomile steaming. That moment his stomach did somersaults. The exercise he underwent by walking around the infirmary plus the lack of nutritional IV made his body very aware of it's own needs. Mainly the need to eat and drink.

 _fucking hell am I thirsty..._ he looked at the cup of water. His hand snapped it in the air before he had any time to think and he gulped it down clumsily, half choking in the process.

'Don't rush it, your body needs to get used to feeding this way again' a voice made him snap his head towards it's source. And he coughed hard when he saw the person it belonged to.

 _Albus..._ he hadn't observed the large portrait standing on the wall outside his curtains. Now adorned by the graceful figure of Albus Dumbledore. Ex Headmaster, hero and _friend_.

'What the hell?' he voiced his own thoughts and placed the empty glass upon the table.

'No need to get vulgar my boy' the old man said and chuckled under his beard.

 _how pleasant ..._ Severus felt his own features turning down in sour distaste.

'Whose _fucking_ idea was it, that seeing _you_ would enlighten my forced stay here?' he spat with as much venom as his tired body could produce at that moment.

'Mine, did I do well?' the ex Headmaster asked almost happily.

'Failed _me_ miserably... _again'_ Severus answered dryly and turned his attention to his food. He lifted the soup carefully and brought it in front of him. The first spoon down made his mouth complain delightfully and he forced himself not to close his eyes and moan out loud.

'When I learned that you were alive, all my suspicions were wholly justified' Albus replied not answering to his bitter comment about failures.

'I really don't care' he said trying a second spoonful and then a third. This was really good, but he rather doubted that he'd manage more than a few more spoons. His stomach was already complaining on eating too much.

'Your portrait that was placed next to me, never moved' Albus said.

'So you had no pet to order around. That is what alerted you, wasn't it?' he spat.

'Severus you are being unfair...'

'...whilst you led your life on fairness only. I should tailor myself after you I suppose' he rejoined. He was filled with venom especially towards this man. The idea of Albus talking to him was _really_ a bad one...

'...you are bitter and hateful towards the school. Towards everyone. You should give us the chance to talk to you sincerely' Albus said.

Severus had enough of his soup. He placed it back down and turned to him 'Sincerity is a trait _you_ especially have nothing to do with' he gazed at Albus steadily.

'I acted the way I did because I had no choice don't you see? Souls were at stake' Albus said furrowing his brows slightly.

Severus smirked behind the dark curtain that his hair created around his face 'And you decided to sacrifice the best candidate didn't you? The one who had no soul? Or whose soul was already up for the taking...right Albus and that makes you righteous? In whose eyes?... because, you don't look that way, in my eyes' he hissed in low tones filled with anger that was slowly sizzling inside him.

 _this is really not what I need right now..._ he thought angrily.

'Believe me son I understand what I have made you go through...'

'You understand _nothing..._ ' he raised his head and blinked calmly. Trying to look the exact opposite of how he felt '...and don't ever call me son again' he warned.

'Very well, as you wish. Can we at least have a talk?' Albus asked nodding calmly.

'That's what we are doing aren't we?' he replied.

'This is not a talk, it's a charade of accusations' Albus replied.

'It's the least you are going to get from me, and if you don't leave soon you are going to get another series of them. I have a lot to blame you for, Headmaster. And I burn to spit that on your face, the Slytherin that I am...' he said with hatred.

'Severus...'

'...no matter my burning need though, what I _need_ most of all is for you to get the fuck outta my sight. And stay out of it forever' he added with the same tone of voice.

'Just one word and I will leave you' Albus said.

'We are one word too much already' he replied and he thrust his chin up. Almost immediately the portrait caught a blazing purple fire. Matching the colour of his power. It magically burned to ashes within seconds. Littering the floor of the infirmary with a rather large black pile of dirt. He remained looking at it for a couple of minutes. Then he decided that he had had enough for one afternoon and he laid back down to his bed. His muscles and back thankful for that.

His eyes wandered to the window where the sun was already setting down and he wondered what devil had possessed Albus to appear in front of him. He was the last person he wanted to see and more so, talk to.

 _it's starting to rain..._ he strained his ears to listen to the soft tap tap of the rain upon the window pane. He closed his eyes feeling more than ready for sleep and his last look was towards the pile of ashes upon the floor. As always his lips turned down in distaste and that was the way he slept. Dismissive to everything around him.

* * *

*******...*******


	16. Chapter 16

****...****

****...****

* * *

Hermione stood by the curtains observing him as he slept peacefully. His bed was not in a reclined position anymore. He was mostly uncovered, which meant he was having a healthy and active sleep. Her eyes fell on his white pyjamas and she shook her head. This was a very inappropriate image for the usually dark clad figure of Professor Snape. He looked painfully thin, even with clothes on and he had his head turned towards her direction. The IV tube was twisted under his cheek as his hand was cradling his head.

 _is the IV running that way?..._ she wondered and walked towards him careful not to make any noises. It was far into the night and she didn't want to wake him up. Poppy was fast asleep into her office and the whole castle was way into a deep slumber.

She checked on the IV and it was dripping steadily. She sighed and looked at his face. His eyes were fluttering with dreams and his lips were parted, but his breath was calm and steady. He was so far away from the strained times of his coma. She smiled at his hair that was spread randomly upon his brow and cheeks, the rest resting heavily on the bed behind him. Her hand moved instinctively to touch them one more time, in order to feel their softness and she stopped herself just in time. This man was not in a coma anymore, he was sleeping. She was surely going to wake him up and from the discussion she had with Minerva this afternoon she wasn't in a hurry to see him awake.

After her talk with the distressed Headmistress, which was also followed by a sort briefing to the Ministry, Hermione found herself asleep next to Mark, after having sex, which she barely enjoyed. She was too preoccupied to have sex, but he insisted, so instead of having an argument with him, she agreed. She didn't even try to get herself satisfied this time. She just waited for it to end and she tried to fall into an troubled sleep.

She was thinking about what Minerva told her, about the Professor finally deciding to stand up, which was amazing news. All would have been well and good, if it hadn't been for the fact that he had cursed them out of his sight and that he had burned the portrait of Dumbledore to the ground. All his actions were attesting to his foul mood and to his negative energy towards this place.

Severus Snape had never been a patient man and the current conditions gave him an even sorter fuse. Albus had advised her and Minerva to have limited contacts with him. Back at the infirmary rethinking her conversation with the Headmistress, she let her eyes roll down his resting body. One leg was spread wide and the other was bend inwards. This was a careless sleep and she felt slightly embarrassed on seeing him like this. He was always a man that was closely guarded against everyone, yet in his sleep he seemed free off his bonds.

She couldn't stop the feeling that she was somehow intruding on his privacy this night. Somehow it felt different from all the other nights. Maybe because of the way he was sleeping, but no matter the reason, the feeling lingered. She drew her eyes with difficulty towards the heavy clouds outside and concentrated on the soft tap tap of the rain. She leaned back to her chair and gathered her legs under her. Then she closed her eyes and concentrated on the rain. Only the fact that she was highly aware of the male presence sleeping across her, was mildly bothering to her serenity.

 _what the fuck am I doing here?..._ she thought.

Her place was next to Mark at 4 o'clock on this Monday morning, not in the infirmary, next to a Professor that she abhorred as a student. Oh, if Mark knew where she was right now, he would have gone mental, but she had been unable to sleep. After her conversation with Albus and Minerva all her thoughts was bend on him. She wanted to see him, to validate he was doing well. The waters between him and the school were unsettling and deep and she shouldn't be here making things worst. Why hadn't she listened to the Headmistress?

 _I have no idea..._

For her at least, it felt like she was in the right place, even against the school's advice for the opposite. All her anxiety and distress had just been washed away. They were eased out by the company of his steady breathing and of the soft tap tap of the rain against the window sill. Something that no amount of teenage jokes, a hefty meal at the Great Hall or sex with Mark could have offered her. Only this could have done it, the silence of his company. Even when he was seriously in danger of dying the sense she got sitting next to him was peaceful. So she used him...

 _again..._

...for her own benefit and she felt highly embarrassed. Nevertheless following logical thought wasn't really doing it for her. So she calmed down her breathing and tried not to disturb him as time passed by slowly. The soft tap tap and his steady breathing lulled her into a heavy slumber. She slept upright on her easy chair, her long brown hair cascading around her, her mouth half open, making soft sounds of pleasure and her hand twitching.

Falling asleep next to him hadn't been part of her plans, so when she opened her eyes and saw that it was morning she felt partly confused, partly shocked. She inhaled deeply and looked around her in confusion. The reality of where she was and how easily she had fallen asleep in that uncomfortable position threw her off balance. She looked at him and yawned. He had moved in his sleep. He was half turned towards her with his palm supporting his cheek upon the pillow and he was totally uncovered.

Her ability to process input logically hadn't been woken up with her yet, so she did the unthinkable...twice. She touched his hand that was resting above his stomach and it was freezing. She reached down and grabbed the blanket that was balled up between his legs. She untangled it clumsily and then she pulled it up to his neck. That is when a hand of steel grabbed hers and held it between them.

 _fuck ..._ she inhaled sharply and looked at him. He was glaring at her with a deep scowl. His face was half hidden behind the black sea of his hair. He was leaning on his elbow, half off the bed. She felt his warm palm tightening around her wrist and her heart raced up to her throat, it's beat echoing on to her ears, making them buzz.

'I am sorry Professor, really I am, you were frozen cold and I thought I'd better keep you warm' she said and tried to draw her hand away, but it didn't budge. The grip around it felt like an iron. Considering that the hand that kept her immobile was so thin, it was truly impressive how strong he really was, even in his ill condition.

His lips turned down in distaste 'What the fuck are you doing here?' he asked with no tact.

'Professor, I didn't mean to startle you I am so sorry, please' she said and she didn't know for what she was pleading exactly. For him to let go of her hand, for him to forgive her or for her heart to stop beating like that.

 _ok ok...breathe..._ she tried to move her hand again and failed miserably.

'You...you are hurting me Professor, please' she said one more time and tried to twist her hand away. His burning eyes left hers and fell on their joined hands. In sudden realisation he released her and she lost her footing. She stepped back awkwardly and rubbed her bruised wrist.

She watered her lips and winced at the merciless beating of her heart on her ear drums 'I am really sorry' she said again feeling suddenly out of breath. She wanted, needed to flee, but something kept her pinned to her place.

'Granger...' he drawled his recognition.

She watered her lips again and swallowed a throat that had gone extremely dry 'Y-yes Professor?' she muttered.

'Get the fuck out!' he snapped suddenly.

His voice echoed like a whip inside the closed space and it kicked her into action. She turned around fast and run out of the infirmary. A ball of robes billowing and hair flowing around her. She crashed the door behind her loud enough to wake up the whole castle and she kept on running down the corridors towards her apartments and as she run she also started to cry.

***...***

Next day found her teaching Slytherin and Gryffindor. This day they were mostly doing their job without bothering each other and today she needed as much peace as she could get. She was with less than two hours of sleep. After her violent encounter with Professor Snape she had run to her apartments a miserable crying ball of distress. She had shed off all her clothes and had crawled up next to Mark embracing him and trying to calm herself. She had been virtually unable to sleep. His burning eyes were imprinted inside the deepest corridors of her mind. His snappish tongue split her in two, each time she replayed their brief and violent encounter. She had never expected him to be so negatively tuned towards her.

 _why?..._

He had always disliked her whilst she was a kid, why should things be any different now? Maybe because she felt that they shared a part of history together, but that was only in her imagination. Maybe it was because he had been such a big was part of her life in Hogwarts. Maybe because she felt remorse of thinking him a baby killing monster all those years, only to learn his true noble nature much later in life.

 _...or maybe it wasn't any of those..._

Maybe because she had shared with him too much and too instinctively in his moments of oblivion, that she felt he owed her some respect, some form of bond. Of course distant and cold, according to his nature, but a bond nonetheless. Something he obviously didn't share in reality. He had been blunt enough to make her understand that special existed between them.

Had he been unfair to her? It was too egotistical to think that just because she sat with him endless hours, talking to him and narrating her favourite books, that somehow extended her rights upon him and touching him was not her given right. Neither was it covering him up.

 _what the fuck came over me?..._ she thought and pinched the bridge of her nose.

She sighed and felt the tears welling one more time. She breathed deeply and forced herself to look up from her papers. Her attentions didn't receive a warm welcome from him. He shrugged them away more violently than she thought possible...he truly scared her. When his hand encircled her wrist like a bloody vice and those piercing eyes looked at her, she felt the floor vanishing from under her. The tension she felt from him was attributed to his dismissal for her caring attitude and the tension she felt from within was because of the terrible embarrassment she felt at getting caught.

Damn...she had given part of herself to him when he was in that coma. When she had sat next to him, had taken hold of his hand and had cried her heart out to him about Mark being an ass. Praying that he would heal...

 _oh God..._

...begging him to get better...the wave of deep embarrassment made her blush again. She felt all the more exposed to him now that she knew what negative attention that unprocessed sensitivity had received from him. Everything that happened made her feel open and exposed and that made her prone to other errors, that had nothing to do with the Professor and everything to do with other people. Mainly Mark that gave her a lecture again that morning on not sleeping well.

She thanked every God in the magical world that he didn't figure out where she had been a few hours ago. In the end she managed to bypass her curious boyfriend and now she had to pass around the riff of the Headmistress's questions about last night. Because she was certain that the Professor wouldn't let her off the hook so easily. She expected a visit from the Headmistress anytime now and then she had no idea what she would say on her defence. The truth would have been the most difficult way out of it.

 _ah...fuck ..._ she drew a deep breath and looked around the class. It was no use thinking more about it, right now. Her eyes checked the tables carefully and that is when she caught the exchange of messages under the tables between Jones and Justin who were both from Slytherin. She fumed almost immediately.

'Mr. Jones, give it here!' she thundered and run towards his desk. All students sat up straight and looked at her surprised.

'What?' the young boy asked innocently and placed one of his hands behind his back.

'Mr. Jones I will NOT tolerate the exchange of papers under the desk, I shall NOT tolerate you paying _no_ attention to your cauldron and above all, I will NOT tolerate being mocked behind my back. Bring your hand forth and give me the paper you have hidden in your palm or your house will suffer major point loss, because of _you,_ young man and I will let them deal with you' she said and extended her hand in front of his face. The young boy watered his lips and looked at his classmates. Everyone apart from Justin seemed threatening.

'Very well' he muttered and slapped the paper onto her palm.

'Gently Mr. Jones, for I have not yet finished with you' she said and gave him a warning glance.

The boy lowered his head.

Hermione opened the small paper and frowned as she read the following words "He is here I am telling you, in the infirmary, my parents are sure of it. Man, they want to take me out of the school, just because this Death Eater decided to die outside our gates'

She lifted her eyes from the paper and her heart was already beating like crazy. Adrenaline released into her bloodstream and she suppressed the need to grab the boy and shake him to reason. How _dare_ he speak about that man with such demeaning words?

'How dare you?' she hissed unable to control herself.

'What?' the boy asked raising his head.

'I asked how DARE you?' she thundered.

The boy looked scared and didn't respond.

'What right do you or your parents have, to speak about this man in such words?' she snapped haughtily.

'But Miss, he is a Death Eater!' Jones tried justify his words.

'The man to whom you are referring young man, with such demeaning words, is a war hero that owns three orders of Merlin. You should be proud to be under the same roof as he is, not afraid, but I cannot expect more out of children that have never felt the fear and the terror of a war. It's not your fault Jones, it's your parents fault for not teaching you to respect the ones that sacrificed themselves, in order for you to be here alive and well. You will be punished for exchanging papers with detention on Friday. You will be notified with whom you will be doing it. Also twenty points from Slytherin, for showing disrespect to a war hero. Now sit down and continue your assignment' she ordered.

The boy wanted to say more, but wisely decided against it.

She turned around and made it to her desk, when someone else spoke from the classroom.

'He is here then, isn't he?' Pamela, a girl from Gryffindor asked.

'You didn't ask for permission to speak and yes he is. Do you have a problem with him existing in the same establishment as you?' Hermione snapped turning around. Her hair rested on the top of her chest.

'No Miss, I was just curious that's all' the girl said and lowered her head to her work again.

Hermione felt a pang of remorse, but didn't linger on it long 'Enough questions and enough of fooling about. Finish your work' she commanded as she sat down at her desk.

Thirty minutes later found her much calmer observing the bottles as each kid placed their potion on her table for inspection. As the last student left, she got ready to clean house in order to go to lunch when she saw the solemn and always straight figure of Minerva entering the class.

She kept on cleaning her desk and arranging the bottles by name 'Good morning Headmistress' she said and waited for the tyranny that was about to come from the old witch about the incident between her and Snape last night.

'Good morning Hermione, do you have a moment?' Minerva said and sat upon a chair closest to the teaching desk.

'Sure what is it?' she asked.

'You look flustered? Difficult morning?' Minerva looked at her thoughtfully.

 _well...I expect it to get worse now..._

'Yes, I suppose you can call it that. I didn't sleep well last night' she said with a forced smile.

 _...although I suppose you already know that right?_

'Troubles sleeping then?' Minerva asked conversationally

'You can call it that' she gazed at Minerva briefly.

'Mark?' Minerva asked checking on a dirty cauldron.

'He is really the smallest part of my problems, right now' Hermione said and laughed lightly.

 _Did I really say that?_

'Oh, don't let him hear you say that' Minerva retorted with a smile.

'I won't say anything if you don't' Hermione smiled and sat in front of the Headmistress 'So tell me what brings you here this morning?' she wanted to get this out of the way.

'Something that has to do with Professor Snape' Minerva said solemnly.

 _Ah yes..._

Hermione rolled her eyes, feeling weary to the bone 'Tell me Headmistress' she said heavily and braced for the lecture that she was about to get.

'We had a discussion with him this morning' Minerva started.

Hermione raised her eyes and looked at her, not really in the mood for what was about to come 'A discussion from him is something extraordinary on it's own rights'

'Well, it wasn't a discussion as such. He just asked to be removed from the infirmary, to have his last IV tube taken out and to be given his clothes back. That's about it really. He summed it up quite nicely upon one sentence' Minerva said as if that would explain everything.

 _Wait what?..._

'He didn't say anything else?' she asked.

'No' Minerva said 'What else did you expect him to say?'

 _Uhm...ok..._

'Nothing, I just thought that he might speak more...now...wait...what did you say about the IV? Take it off? It's his heart potion. What do you mean take it off?' she asked, suddenly aware that this was more serious than what happened between them last night.

'Yes, I had the same reaction as you when he said so, but actually he condescended to take it orally, if he is given more private quarters away from the crowd and if he is allowed to wear his own attire again. I think Severus found the idea of pyjamas embarrassing' Minerva smirked.

Hermione shook her head 'And you trust him to do it?' she asked.

 _Private quarters away from the crowd..._ her heart sank...she was the crowd that bothered him. Yes, he had been a gentleman and had protected their little secret, which she appreciated more than words could describe, but he had asked to be taken away from anyone's reach and she felt sad.

'I think he wants to heal Hermione dear. If the case was different, he would have run out of this place again. This time he chose to stay, half heartedly, but that matters not. I think on that count alone, I can trust him to take his medicine. Poppy said, it was better not to upset him and he didn't seem too keen to remain at the infirmary'

 _I bet..._

'I will alter the potion then to be taken orally. That is what you wanted me for I assume?' she asked and rubbed her forehead. She felt like a ton of weight had been taken off her shoulders. He had kept their embarrassing moments private.

 _Thank Merlin..._

'Well, that is one thing...but there is another issue' Minerva said and winced slightly.

'What?' Hermione looked up.

'The school is fully occupied. I had no rooms to offer him in Slytherin. Plus, I wanted him away from his house. Balances are thin there...' she said.

Hermione nodded and waited.

'So I have given him the rooms next to your apartments' Minerva said carefully.

 _Next to me...me?...oh no..._

'Wait Minerva I don't think he wants to be close to me'...she closed her eyes and hurried to fix it '...I don't think he wants to be in Gryffindor' she added.

 _He left the infirmary to get away from me, not to be closer to me..._

'I think he has far too many problems, to care about were his temporary adobe is going to be' Minerva said 'Besides I told him that the small quarters I am offering are in Gryffindor next to it's head of House'

 _He knows?..._ her eyes widened.

'And he accepted?' she asked taken aback. It made no sense.

'I don't think he had any choice. He understood that i couldn't do better for him, begrudgingly, but he did' Minerva added.

Hermione drew a deep breath and nodded 'Well, if he is ok with it, I am ok' she said

 _Uhm..._ although the rooms that Minerva was talking about were adjoining to her apartments. He'd be able to hear what was going on in there. She needed to place silencing spells on the walls. She wondered if Mark knew about the new arrangement.

'Are you sure? That is what I wanted to discuss with you. Since he is very close to your personal space, if you have any objection, I could try to move about the other Professors and find some other arrangement. As things are right now though, it's the easiest way' Minerva asked eagerly.

Hermione could understand all the difficulties of course. She shook her head 'Why would I mind? I babysat him for a whole month didn't I?' she asked with a smile.

'Well it's different now. He is not really an invalid and he is living right next to you' Minerva said.

 _Well yes ..._

'I have no issues Headmistress. You did well' she smiled honestly.

'I don't think he is going to bother anyone. He was always a quiet man. He just needs his solitude and his medication so he can get the hell out of here' Minerva said raising.

Hermione laughed 'And then some...' she added.

'I don't think he even intends to walk outside the apartments. He was very private at the infirmary, I don't think anything will change now'

'Don't worry Minerva. It's no bother really. In fact it is an honour to have him next to me and Mark. We will try not to bother him' she said amicably.

'I think he is going to try the same thing' Minerva said.

'Then we are ok, don't you think?' Hermione retorted.

'Yes, thank you dear girl. Wanna join me for lunch or do you have things to take care off?' Minerva asked.

'I'll clean up and come find you' she replied politely.

'Very well see you later' Minerva said.

When the door closed behind her, Hermione let out a long suppressed breath. He was going to be living right next to her. She had to sort things out, one at a time. First thing first. So he spared her the embarrassment so she needed to thank him in some manner. She had to be discreet, but she needed to show him that she appreciated his gallant attitude by keeping this peculiar mishap, private between them. She needed to finish sorting her bottles, then she needed to go to lunch. After that she wanted to talk to Mark about the new arrangement and hope that he wouldn't make a fuss about it.

 _And I need to place silencing charms on our apartments..._ she smirked as she fixed the bottles ... _not that I am vocal in anything worth hearing anyway..._ she thought and continued on her work feeling her cheeks blushing at that last private thought.

****...****

****...****

Severus placed both his arms on the bathroom wall to steady himself, as he felt the blistering hot water running down his naked body. He closed his eyes and raised his head in order to feel the hot water run down his face and hair also. He hadn't taken a bath for ages. Someone had used a cleaning spell on him at the infirmary, but that was not equal to taking a bath. For years this luxury had escaped him. Most of the time his adobes were always too poor and sharing a bathroom with others was never appealing to him. Other times he didn't even have an adobe and he was sleeping on the streets.

When he entered the rooms offered by Minerva that morning, he was struck by three things he had grown unaccustomed to, all these years. First the large double bed that looked soft enough to sink in and second the fireplace that was blazing with a satisfying fire. Last but not least, there was a large bathroom with a huge tab and abandant running water.

So the first thing he did when the door closed behind him was to shed all his clothes, with mild difficulty and then sink into the large bathtub and enjoy the way the hot water made him shudder in pleasure. He moaned out loud the moment he went in and he remained there, with his head leaned back and his eyes closed long enough to lose track of time.

What woke him up was the fact that he was sweating from the heat. That wasn't enough to get him out of the watery pleasure though. He emptied the tub and turned on the running water. Quickly he buried his body and head under it and he remained there, shedding all thought. Letting all his worries temporarily wash away with the running water. He closed his eyes and he felt his skin boiling. He steadied his tired body, as he felt the dirt of seven years being washed away from him and it was not only the dirt of his body, but also that of his mind and soul.

So the water run...and he remained...

Some time later, he managed to turn off the water half heartedly and step out of the tub. He reached out inside the steamy bathroom and took a large towel which he tied around his waist. The next one he used to dry his significant amount of hair. Barely managing to do a good job with them, he tossed the head towel upon the sink and went to the living room.

When was the last time he had felt so clean, warm and safe? He signed deeply and walked towards the bed. He had the chance to sit by the fire and relax a little bit or simply lay down. The decision was quick and the odds unfair. He shed his body towel and naked as he was he lifted the heavy covers and buried himself under their softness. The duvet's heaviness run smoothly upon his sensitive skin.

He buried his hands under the pillow feeling the wetness of his hair slightly bothersome, but that didn't linger long, because quickly he slipped into a very peaceful and restful sleep. The last semi coherent thought on his foggy mind, was that he was sleeping right next to Granger's apartments. The wince that came into his mouth, got erased under the wholesome feeling of being safe and warm, of not needing to sleep with one of his eyes open. So he just let go...

 _Of everything_...

-.-

The next morning it was a disturbing, repetitive noise that made him open his eyes slowly. He came face to face with the inside of his forearm which was trapped under the pillow and in front of his eyes stood ugly, the dark mark. The remainder of his hellish life.

 _Shit_...he turned his head the other way and closed his eyes. Too early in the morning to be reminded of everything that he so strongly wanted to forget.

knock knock...

The disturbing noise made him reopen his eyes. It was soft but very insistent. He raised his sleepy head and looked towards the aforementioned door. Who could that be? He made it quite clear to Minerva that he wanted practically no one to bother him during his stay here. He wanted his privacy intact and she promised him that she would protect that. He didn't like her, but he knew that he could trust her.

He pushed and came to a sitting position. The covers sliding down his waist. His hair was a wild mess around him. He pulled some away from his eyes only for them to be replaced by more long tendrils. The knocking seized only for a moment, before it renewed itself.

He frowned and pushed the covers away from him. He landed on the floor with a loud thump and looked around for something to wear. He couldn't open the damn door with nothing on but his birthday suit.

His old clothes were clean and neatly tucked upon an easy chair next to the bed. There was also a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a couple of black sweaters. Without attempting to put on underwear, he slipped the sweatpants on and then the shirt.

The knock knock...changed tune. It begun bordering to desperate. Someone wanted him desperately...?

He huffed at the thought and moved towards the door. When he reached it, he placed his hand on the handle and paused with indecision.

 _maybe they got bored...maybe they left_...his teeth worried his bottom lip. He almost believed his own thoughts, when another series of knocking started.

He drew a deep breath and opened the door, all ready to chastise the intruders of his privacy, but what he saw made his breath catch. He remained frozen with his mouth open for several seconds.

'Severus?' Lucius Malfoy was looking at him expectantly.

Severus looked at the corridor and saw no one. His eyes fell at the door that must have been the apartments of Granger. The last thing he wanted was an encounter with that strange woman now. He looked back at Lucius, but was wordless.

'Severus, may I come in?' the man said and looked behind him 'I didn't come here as a welcomed guest I assure you' he said in a hurry.

Severus grabbed his arm and pulled him in. He closed the door behind him and turned around 'What the hell are you doing here?' he said. A weird choice of words considering that the man he was talking to was a very close friend and also a next of kin.

Lucius turned around 'I came here to see you' he said and a smiled came upon his lips 'To see you well, my friend' he finished.

Severus pulled some of his hair away again. They didn't obey and covered half his face when he removed his hand. A small honest smile appeared on his lips 'You bloody fool' he said.

Lucius smiled widely and pulled him into a tight embrace. Severus exhaled and it took him a moment to feel the honesty of that hug. When that realisation crashed down on him, he raised his arms and wrapped them around the shoulders of the blonde man. The response was immediate with a more tight hug.

'It's so good to see you alive. So good' Lucius muttered next to him.

Severus tightened his grip around the back of his old friend. Still slightly disoriented from his heavy sleep and from seeing his friend for the first time in seven years 'Yes, heard I had a close call back there' he said and drew back.

Lucius was looking at him with what could be described as pleasure. The last moments he remembered with his friend, was that hellish meeting at Malfoy mansion with Voldemort. Those moments were anything but happy. His friend and his family were degraded by the dark lord and their house had been confiscated. His son was offered like a lamp for the slaughter and he had to step in and bring things back in balance. He still remembered that night for it was difficult to erase from memory.

'I came in to see you when you were in a coma. I really didn't think you would make it out of this one alive' Lucius said.

'How is Draco?' he asked impulsively and tried to pull away his hair again, something that failed one more time.

The other man smiled widely 'The boy is getting married! You didn't know that, did you? We did it Severus! You did it, Draco has turned into a fine young man. Works at Gringotts now. He is doing his job, keeps his head low and his hands clean. He fell in love and they decided to get married at the beginning of this year. Severus, you gave Draco a future...' Lucius said emotionally.

'I only fulfilled the vow' he replied withdrawn. He turned around and took a small loose string from a tablecloth. He transfigured it to a hair band and he pulled his long hair into a loose ponytail.

'You saved him Severus...and I never had the chance to thank you' Lucius said and touched his arm again.

 _don't..._

'Lucius please...' he wanted to tell him to stop all this, but the look in his friend's eyes stopped him from voicing his thoughts. Instead he filled in the gap, best he could '...would you like to take a sit?' he asked.

'Yes, thank you. I am not getting any younger' Lucius said and sat down heavily.

Severus sat at the couch and almost immediately a pop made him snap his head towards the fireplace. There was a house elf standing there awaiting their orders.

'Tea and make it quick' Lucius said and dismissed the elf with a haughty manner that reminded to Severus of old times.

 _old habits die hard...right?..._

He turned to the elf 'Some Coffee'

'Master Snape is not allowed that. Choose something else, master' the Elf bowed to the ground.

'Someone keeping you in a tight lease?' Lucius said humorously.

'Firewhiskey' he retorted, smirking at his friend.

'Master is not allowed that drink. Choose...' the Elf started.

'What am I allowed then? Give us the list' he said impatiently.

'Chamomile' the Elf said succinctly.

Severus winced visibly 'Damned witch' he murmured.

'Pomfrey?' Lucius asked.

'Who else? Bring me anything, just make sure it's drinkable alright?' he said.

The pop notified him that the Elf was gone. He leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest

'I haven't see you for seven years. Seven, Severus. I thought you were dead. Why?' Lucius asked placing his silver headed cane at this side.

 _why?_

'Tough question' he said.

'Why didn't you contact us? I can understand wanting to hide from the rest of the magical world, but why from us? We are practically family. You know that' his friend said and leaned forward.

'Lucius, you are getting ahead of yourself, wait' he said and looked up solemnly.

His friend remained silent.

'I am very glad about Draco, he deserved a future even though at first he tried to walk on your silly and dangerous footsteps. He proved that he can be above it all. Well done for Draco. Maybe our kids...' he paused and snarled '...your kids will succeed, where we failed'

Lucius smiled and nodded 'He is a good boy and the things he witnessed within the Death Eaters gave him a new perspective in life. He saw things for what they truly were'

'How are things going with you and Narcissa?' he rubbed the side of his face.

'She is happy that we managed to escape the dark era and she is trying to make it up to Draco in every way she can. That is why she has been elated with the idea of him getting married. She wants to see you and Draco too. They have both come at the hospital when you were in a coma. They allowed us to pass, just barely' Lucius said. He looked tired and old. A ghost of the former lord. He had cut his long white hair very short and he seemed to have thinned a lot.

 _although in comparison to me he looks ...peachy..._

'Minerva made a blunt effort to keep you away I suppose' he said

'And that silly Mediwitch. In fact if it hadn't been for a former co-student of Draco, I wouldn't have been able to get near you the first time' Lucius said obviously not feeling at ease discussing this.

The words former co-student caught his attention and he couldn't help but ask 'Who?'

'Hermione Granger. Did you know that she works as a Professor here now? Professor of Potions, I mean can you believe it?' Lucius sounded degrading to say the least. .

 _Potions? she teaches Potions?_

'I know she works here. She helped you?' he asked frowning deeply. That girl's name kept popping up all around him and he didn't feel comfortable at all with that.

'She answered to the Mediwitch for me. That is how I was originally allowed to see you. The next two times we came Pomfrey just let us in right away. I suppose she thought we had nothing to gain from misbehaving' he replied.

Severus felt his head nodding in accordance, but the thought that this girl had gotten so intimately involved with what concerned him during his stay here, was disconcerting.

That is when the pop of the appearing Elf made him blink towards the direction of the fireplace. The little creature brought him a steaming cup of chamomile that he was really not in the mood to taste, and a cup of tea for Lucius.

'Anything else Masters?' he asked.

'No' he replied succinctly and he tasted the poor drink with a visible wince. It's taste although mild made him realise that he was also rather hungry 'Wait, am I allowed to eat anything?' he asked quickly, before the Elf disappeared.

'Ellie will ask Madame Pomfrey' the Elf said.

'Just bring me over whatever is allowed' he said.

The elf bowed and disappeared.

'Good move, you need the food' Lucius said carefully.

'That's a gentle way of telling me I look like a bloody mess' he stood up abruptly and looked about him. He felt rather cold probably because of his poor circulation. Even though he felt a million times better in comparison to when he collapsed in front of the gates, he was still recovering from a very serious illness.

'You went through a lot didn't you? Those seven years away from us' Lucius said.

'I was destined to go through a lot since birth' he said dismissively 'Nothing new there, I assure you' he reached the fireplace and toyed with the idea of firing it up the muggle way. Something that he had done hundreds of times when he was unable to use magic. The knowledge that he didn't need to be doing that anymore was somehow liberating to him. He raised his hand at the fireplace and a spark reignited the fire.

'What happened to you?' Lucius asked.

'When?' he asked and looked at the flames. The warmth of the fire covered his body and he shivered.

'After you left us' Lucius was looking at him steadily.

'Been living rough, not using magic, doing things the muggle way. Have to thank my father for that trait, I suppose' he replied succinctly. Not wanting to get into this conversation, but already drawn in it by the circumstances.

'Why didn't you come to us?' Lucius asked again.

He rubbed his hands together 'I wanted nothing to do with you. With anyone' he replied.

The silence across him felt heavy 'You didn't want anything to do with your godson?' Lucius sounded hurt.

'I knew Draco was alive. I had nothing more to offer him' he replied.

'What are you talking about Severus? Have you any idea what you have done for him? How much we all appreciate it? We owe you his life, but it is not just our family...'

'Don't go there Lucius. I told you I am glad the boy is well. I am also happy to see that you and Narcissa are doing fairly good also, but don't drag me into this. I never intended to be found. It happened because of the bad circumstances around my health. Now, I only pray that I finish the cure soon so I can get out of here' he replied and turned around slowly facing his friend.

Lucius stood up 'What?! You cannot leave now. Not now that we know that you are alive. We want you near us. Draco wants you to escort him to his marriage. He wants to come and ask you himself. How about the rest of the world? How easy is it going to be to hide now? Have you any idea what is going on around your name outside these doors, this very minute?' Lucius asked passionately. Something not befitting his cold nature.

Severus looked outside the windows.

 _I don't want to know..._

'At least a dozen reporters have camped outside the school's doors waiting for some news about you. Only the magic of the school is strong enough to keep them outside. That and McGonagall. How about outside the school then? The news that you are alive are everywhere and everyone wants to talk to the war hero. You won't be able to take two steps without been recognised and hunted down. People want to talk to you, they want to shake your hand. Some, may want to curse and spit on you, but those are the odd few out of a vast majority that relishes your name and your actions during the second magical war. What do you intend to do? Buy an invisibility cloak or drink polyjuice every 4 hours on the clock forever?' Lucius came over to him, panting with the effort to make him understand that it was practically impossible for him to evade reality now.

A reality which he was not ready to face 'I am a free man, am I not?' he asked.

'No, you are not' Lucius said.

'What?' he raised his brow.

'Unfortunately you belong to the magical world my friend. Your deeds during the war ensured that you will never belong to yourself, ever again. There are a dozen books written about you and they are all best sellers. One was written by Rita fucking Skeeter. Do you remember her? This moment we are speaking, all the newspapers have articles about you. Your life in Hogwarts, your past with the Death Eaters, your early childhood, your long lost love with Lily Evans...'

'That is quite enough!' he commanded and turned towards the fire again.

'I know you don't hearing all this Severus, but the only way to ensure your freedom is to battle through all this publicity. There is no other way around it' Lucius said.

He winced but didn't answer.

'You can't hide anymore don't you see?' his friend insisted.

'I know' he replied in abandonment.

'Severus...' Lucius touched his arm '...I have always been there for you. You know that. Please let me help you through this. I can be here for you again'

He turned round 'I know you do' he said and smirked slightly. His eyes fell upon the arm of his friend 'Do you still have it?' he asked quietly.

'The Dark Mark you mean?' Lucius asked.

Severus nodded.

'I removed it. After the Dark Lord was gone it was easy to remove. Do you?' he asked.

'Still there' he replied.

'Why?'

'In contrast to you I don't seek to erase my past. I live with it' he replied.

'I think you mean you still live in it' Lucius retorted.

Severus scowled at him.

'Let me ask you. What do you seek out of life then?' his friend asked.

'Somewhere peaceful to sit and be forgotten, till I die' he replied.

'A job to offer some money so you can take up an adobe and then hide from the rest of the world. Does that sum it up nicely for you?' Lucius asked.

'That'd do also' he replied.

'Well yes, in order to become small and invisible you have to pass through the tornado of your real identity my friend. There is no way to do that by magic, you have to battle through all the waves in order to reach your island' Lucius replied solemnly.

'Another battle then...' he huffed and moved towards the couch. He needed to sit down again.

'Another one yes. Hasn't anyone told you that life was full of them?' Lucius replied coming up behind him.

'Has anyone showed me that life was anything besides that do your perchance mean? Don't ever forget to whom you are talking Lucius. My life was never paved with roses' he replied as he sat down heavily. He felt warmer but there was a strong need to lay down again.

'Very well, so you know. You are a hard man, chiselled in battles. You know you need to face all this, don't you?' Lucius said.

He smiled sadly and laid down upon the couch placing a rather large pillow under his head and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

'Yes you do. Why do you wish for solitude then? You cannot have it now. Not so soon after the world has found out you are alive' Lucius pointed out and tasted his tea.

'Hate your realism, Lucius' he said elbowing the offer of his chamomile by his friend.

'Look you are here now aren't you? It matters not how you ended here. What is important is that this school can help you heal and it can offer you the much needed privacy to do it. When that ends you will need to face the world, with your true identity' Lucius said.

'You, who proclaim the value of battle so much, have you done what you are suggesting to me? Or have you hidden yourself away in that mansion of yours?' he asked dryly. He knew his friend was right, but he was getting tired of having to hear about giving another battle. He had never rested in his life.

Lucius leaned back and looked towards the ceiling 'We were never the heroes you are, Severus. We were never credited any value, because the only true help we gave was when I betrayed the position of the Dark Lord and that was done in a desperate need to save my son. Nothing else mattered to me then. They forgave us and they spared us Azkaban, but Severus we were degraded. Our fortune is gone and I live by spare jobs here and there. Only our house remains, which is also going to ruins without our money. But you know what? Even like that I am trying. For Draco's sake' he said solemnly.

Severus looked at him 'Draco yes, you have someone to fight for Lucius. Draco and Narcissa' he said and then stopped. What that sentence suggested about him was pathetic and he was too much of an egotist to say it out loud.

'And you don't, is that it?' Lucius said it for him.

He didn't answer.

'You fought your whole life a very courageous battle for others. Why not claim this battle for yourself?' Lucius asked.

He rubbed his shoulder 'I don't want to fight right now. All I want to do is rest. Something that I have never done since birth' he replied.

Lucius smirked slightly 'Very well then, for now' he said.

That is when a pop was heard. Severus didn't even turn around. Ellie brought a deep plate of soup and left it upon the table in front of him and then pointed towards the study 'Master is due for his medication in ten minutes' she said.

'Thank you' he replied rubbing his forehead. Then a pop took the elf away.

'At least I am glad McConagall agreed to take you out of the infirmary. There were students trying to break in, in order to get a look at you, round the clock' Lucius said tasting his tea. Severus raised himself and took the plate of soup in his hands.

The first spoonful exploded into his mouth 'Students, forgot about them' he said seriously concentrating in the task of feeding himself. He was truly famished.

'Look Severus I will not leave you alone so easily and you know that don't you? Can I visit again with Draco and Narcissa ? It will be easier to come see you now that you have your own personal space' Lucius asked.

'Is it an easy passage for you here?' Severus asked eating one spoonful after another. This time not stopping after a couple of bites. His body was yearning for food and this plate of chicken soup was warm and tasty, so he simply devoured it.

'Not really, but don't forget that I used to be a governor here. I know a lot of passages, and I also know Filch, who has kept his preference for the old ways' Lucius smirked.

'Lucius, I don't own the place. You can do whatever you like' he said finishing his soup and placing the plate upon the table. He closed his eyes and relished the moment of feeling full and warm.

'Well that doesn't sound very friendly' Lucius said.

'I want to see the boy' he said finally opening his eyes and gazing at his friend.

Lucius finally smiled 'We will come next week' he said and then looked at the empty plate 'I am glad you ate, you are terribly thin' he said.

'I feel like a total mess' he replied and laid down on the couch.

'Nagini's poison really messed up your heart, didn't it?'

'It ate all around it. I am rather surprised I am still alive. The Gods have a weird sense of humour' Severus replied and unwillingly closed his eyes. He suddenly wanted to sleep again.

'Or an acute sense of justice' Lucius said and he rose to his feet.

Severus opened his eyes and looked at him 'If they decided to keep you alive that is' he added.

Severus lips upturned to a small smile of his own. Wow, he was full, warm, safe and he was also smiling. The Gods indeed had a weird sense of humour 'I think I should be going. You need to rest' Lucius said 'Don't forget your medicine' he added.

'I won't' Severus replied.

'By the way I heard what you did at Knockturn Alley. That was an impressive show of strength Severus. I suppose your magic is not as weak as your body?' Lucius asked with a smirk.

Severus just raised his arm and immediately the wand of Lucius flew from the inside of his coat to his palm. 'No, it's still intact' he replied and rolled Lucius's wand between his fingers.

'I really missed you' his friend said and moved to the study. He got a bottle of his medication and brought it to him. Severus took it and offered him back his wand.

'Get out and let me sleep' Severus waved him off.

'I will see you next week. Goodbye' Lucius said and squeezed his arm.

Severus retaliated and observed his friend closing the door softly behind him. He looked at the blue liquid inside the bottle. The fullness of his stomach, the warmth of his skin, the softness of the couch, the safety and the keen feelings of friendship that this meeting elicited made him drink it quickly. Then he laid back down again and let himself drift onto another restful and much needed sleep.

He didn't even hear Ellie popping in to cover him up with a warm blanket, to clean his table and to replenish his fire. He just slept all though the day and night onto the next morning.

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	17. Chapter 17

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Hermione moved her food about, not in any real mood to eat. Six days have passed since the Professor had moved next to her and Mark and she hadn't heard anything from him. She learned news from Minerva who got her information from the Elves that attended to him. Apparently he was taking his medication meticulously and he had also been eating everything they were offering.

Well, having a healthy appetite was good news. Maybe now he could put some meat onto his bones and resemble more the man she knew years ago. No one saw him apart from Poppy, the Elves and Minerva, who made an attempt to visit him, but after a few words he dismissed her.

She felt the nudge from Mark and she looked up. Minerva was standing up ready to make the important speech for this evening. Hermione was not looking forward to it, or all the mess that was going to come out of it. The news of his hospitalisation at Hogwarts were loose inside and outside the school. It was important to speak to the students and inform them fully about the situation at hand. She straightened up and signed. She really was not in the mood to attend the Great Hall this evening, she just wanted to go back to her apartments.

'Tonight I am going to inform you about a situation that has been troubling the majority of the students in our school during the last month and a half...'Minerva started and almost immediately she felt the wave of anticipation from the student body. All eyes were eagerly upon the Headmistress.

'...As you probably already know, our school is hosting a rather illustrious wizard. A wizard that is best known for his significant contribution during the last magical war. He is the only wizard that owns three orders of Merlin First Class, apart from Chief Auror Harry Potter. The only other wizard who held the same honours was our very own Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. Empowering is the thought, that this man has also served as a Headmaster in this school for a short time period. He was best known as the Head of Slytherin for many years and as a Professor in two separate subjects, both of which he is a Master off. We are offering our hospitality to one of the most powerful wizards of our modern magical world and it is a great honour to have him close to us. His contribution in the last war has been so immense that his persona became legendary for a seven year period, during which we were not certain of his whereabouts. There have been many books written about him and his valiant contributions have been added to the History of Magic, which you are studying. Of course you all know by now that I am speaking about Professor Severus Snape...' she said solemnly and paused.

Deadly silence reigned all over the room, from both the students and the High Table. Hermione felt a strong shudder running down her spine at the awe inspiring words of Minerva. She had never thought of who Severus Snape had truly been when she was attending to him, during his coma...

 _...that was for the best for else you wouldn't have dared approach him..._ she thought.

'...But this man is also rather ill. Therefore, I will rely on the discretion of the student body and of the staff members to respect his privacy. You will probably not see him at all and I will appreciate it if you don't try to discover the place where he lives. I know how exciting this might be to all of you, but it is impertinent that no one bothers him and if anyone is caught trying to break the rules they are going to be expelled. You are all close to your finals and no one wants trouble. I expect from you, discretion and prudence. Any other issues concerning the stay of this illustrious guest that your parents my have, will be addressed promptly by me personally. As is, nothing in our curriculum will change. Any questions?' she asked and looked around.

No one spoke.

'Very well then, continue your meal' the Headmistress said and the moment she sat down the room exploded in a messy echo of blended voices as the students turned towards each other and started discussing animatedly.

 _He wanted not to draw attention upon him...if he knew this was happening he would have blown his top..._ she picked up her fork again and looked at Mark.

'Well, that was nicely put' he said and looked at Minerva who sat down calmly.

'That was just a poor summary of what the truth is and look at them. Was that supposed to keep them quiet? They are going to run wild now' she added.

'Well she had to tell them something. They knew he was here and we are having many disciplinary issues' he replied.

'It's only going to get worse now. The only thing that is encouraging is that no one in their right mind is going to look for the ex Head of Slytherin staying next door to the current Head of Gryffindor. For that, I give a full hats off to _her'_ she said and pointed towards Minerva.

'Yes, _that_ arrangement has been at least useful to one of us' Mark said and he sounded biting.

She looked at him. Mark disliked the idea of Snape living next to them from the first moment.

'Mark do we really _need_ to get into this again? I mean we have fixed the apartments with new silencing wards on all the walls and he hasn't given a sign that he is there. You can hear nothing from him.

'Maybe he is using silencing charms also' Mark said drinking some pumpkin juice.

'So what? Good for him and for us also. What's your problem, I don't understand' she said.

'M _y_ problem, since you are mentioning it, is the fact that you never thought about consulting me when you offered the free rooms next to us' he said in a low biting tone.

'Would you have refused?' she asked getting really tired of having this conversation _again._

'Probably not' he replied.

'So you are miffed because I didn't ask you?' she said.

'Yes' he replied.

'This is childish. If you wouldn't have refused then there is no real reason in having this discussion again. I won't be dragged into this game anymore. This guy is quiet and doesn't bother anyone. Let's leave it at that ok?' she said and decisively she pierced a potato and stuffed her mouth with it. Better eat than talk, right?

 _right..._

'You ignored me' Mark said.

'Get over it' she replied with a full mouth and looked at him 'I mean really' she added.

'Hermione' he sounded reproachful and slightly hurt. She looked over and swallowed her potato. She needed to make a try even though he was not making it easy by acting like an asshole.

'Mark do we really have to discuss the new living arrangements again? If I made a mistake by not asking you, then accept my apology. If it matters so much to you, then I am sorry, alright?' she said and looked at him honestly.

His features immediately softened and he touched her knee under the table 'I am sorry too. I am making too much a deal out of this, I know. I wouldn't have objected of course' he said softly.

 _ok, that's better, at least we are getting somewhere now..._ she smiled and touched his hand that was above her knee. She gave it a mild squeeze.

'Let's change the topic alright? Where are we going to go for the summer vacation then?' she asked and took another potato this time with some real appetite.

'How about at my house in Brighton?' he asked.

She winced 'I ...I don't know yet Mark, I think it's too soon' she said and munched on her potato.

'Too soon for what? You've met my parents' he said and got busy with his own plate.

'Yes, and they are lovely people, but I think it is too soon to live with them' she replied

'We are not going to staywith them. They are simply going to accommodate us for a couple of days. That's all' he said.

'Can't we go somewhere else, like Scotland?' she asked.

'Scotland? We _are in_ Scotland right now. You are working in this bleeding place, you also want to vacate in it?' he asked playfully.

She huffed 'I love it what can I say. Besides, we haven't seen the wild country around it have we? We are stuck in this school all year long. You know I love nature Mark' she said pleadingly.

'And you know I need to see my parents Hermione' he replied getting more serious.

'Fine then, how about we split it then? Half the summer you go to your parents and I go to mine and the other half we pass it together in some isolated Scottish hut in front of a lovely lonesome lake, what do you think?' she asked smiling widely.

'I will go alone to my parents?' he asked.

'And I will go to mine, how about it?' she asked.

'Hermione you knew I wanted for us to go together this summer. We are going to get married sometime next year' he replied.

'I know, but I don't feel comfortable sleeping at your parents house. I respect them and everything but I need my personal space. It has nothing to do with how I feel about you at all. And I need to see my parents also. I miss them. How about it then?' she asked.

His face got rather solemn 'I don't know, I have to think about it' he said.

 _think what about?...I don't want to come..._ she thought and rubbed his hand 'We will have one and a half months alone, away from all parental supervision!' she forced a small timid smile. She knew she was messing up his plans, but she was not in the mood for any socialisations. As he said, they were going to get married during the next year, so why force herself on his parents now? They had all the time in the world after the marriage to do all these things.

 _with kids tagging along most probably ..._ Her forced smile got lost upon that last thought and she was too preoccupied to question that reaction.

Mark didn't speak after that. He got rather concentrated on his meal. The nice try for reconciliation from her was a disaster. She got sour and dry also and she didn't manage to finish her plate. Half way across the meal she asked for forgiveness and decided to take a stroll to calm her spirits before bed. She squeezed his hand under the table and winked at him with a soft smile and when he retaliated she left satisfied that at least he wasn't very angry with her.

One hour later she reached her apartments. She had managed a very nice walk around the castle. She caught a few students messing around where they shouldn't and she deducted as few points as possible. Finally she ended up on the astronomy tower observing the new moon. It had been a lovely night with warm weather. The air was smelling of the early summer days. The quietness of that place calming her inside out. She managed to take her mind away from the summer vacation and from the fact that he had gotten so unnecessarily angry with her. Her mind was set loose to drift in any direction it pleased and it surprised her when it landed again on the dark guest of the rooms next to hers.

She drew her robes closely around her and felt them drift with the wind. She needed to give Snape something to show her appreciation towards his discretion. She didn't want to back off from her original plan, but it was making her life hard, because she had no idea what a man like him could want. Or what could _she_ give _him_ without embarrassing and compromising herself. She had limited to none choices. She didn't know him at all, so she didn't know what to offer that would please him.

 _I want him to understand I appreciated his discretion, nothing else..._

She remained up there for a long time trying to think for appropriate gifts without any results. When she opened the door to her apartments she noticed that Mark had not returned yet. She looked outside and her eyes fell to Professor Snape's door. Closed and silent as ever. She winced and looked down the corridor.

 _where the hell is Mark?..._ she thought and got in. Immediately the candles came to life and the fire started up. A little bit of permanent magic on her part, much appreciated from Mark. She shed off her upper cloak and emptied it on the swivelling chair of her study. It landed ungracefully. Even though these were the last days of spring, the castle's heavy stone walls were still cold from the winter so the warmth of a fire was solemnly appreciated.

All she wanted to do was take a nice bath and then relax on the couch. When she entered her bathroom and felt the warm water relaxing her body she abandoned all thoughts of Professor Snape and Mark, shivering repeatedly with the satisfaction that the warm water was offering her. When she finished she dried herself up thoroughly and put on a small white t-shirt and a pair of grey pyjamas. Quite muggle clothing, but she didn't intend to get out of her rooms for the rest of the evening. Mark never approved of these muggle clothes, something that always bothered her.

She came into the warm living room and she emptied herself upon the soft couch. She reached out and gathered her wet hair into a loose bun at the top of her head. She didn't even bother to magic it, dry. She leaned back and took her book from the side table and opened it up.

 _time to relax then..._

She managed to read a couple of words, when her head shot up and her eyes dilated slowly.

 _fucking hell...that's what I am going to give him!..._ she thought and struck her hand on her book.

She was going to give him one of her muggle books. Of course! What better gift than that? She had been narrating those books to him for almost a month and he never gave an indication that it bothered him. Of course that didn't mean he liked them either. Her teeth begun worrying her bottom lip and her eyes looked at the fire thoughtfully. This gift was too symbolic as it was part of her and he was an academic with a clear love for books. Ever since she knew him as a child, he was always surrounded by books. His desk was always buried under them. If there was a man that would appreciate been given a book, then that would be him.

At the end of the day a book would help him relax. She used books for relaxation and meditation, but he was always so buttoned up and guarded. It was quite possible that he gave _reading_ a whole different meaning. No matter what, this was the most inconspicuous gift she could offer to him.

 _But what am I going to give him?..._

She placed her own book down and looked back towards her library. It was very detailed and held on it a vast majority of magical literature, academic or otherwise. From medical articles and potion magazines, to kids books and poetry. She winced as she begun searching. Her eyes worked their way from large volume to small book and back again, and she couldn't decide on anything. No matter how proud she was of her library and her collection she felt rather certain that his should have been more vast and more detailed. She begun worrying her lip anxiously again. No, magical literature wouldn't do. She was probably going to choose something that he had already read. Her eyes fell to the other side of the library. The one reserved for her muggle literature. The one place that Mark never attempted to approach.

 _Maybe that?..._ she smiled with her lip trapped between her fingers and walked over.

Muggle literature could be the obvious answer. She has been reading it to him for a whole month and was less possible to be already owned by him. Her eyes passed from every book as she tried to find something suitable for him. What would he like? She didn't take him for the adventure type, nor for the one caring about romance. Classical English literature could have done the trick, but it seemed too poorly thought. That is when her eyes fell on one book at the end of the bookcase.

 _Kafka..._ she lowered her eyes and bit her lip one more time... _Kafka?..._ The German author, thought off as one of the most important contemporary writers of the the 20th century. Most of the time talking with symbolism in order to pass through to the reader the real meaning of the book. Many of his works were unfinished and there was one that could be _him._

 _The Castle..._

The unfinished novel in which the hero tries to gain access to a village authorities. Symbolically speaking about alienation and the endless frustrations of a man that was caught up in a futile and hopeless pursuit of an unobtainable goal. Somehow it reminded her of _him._ Maybe he could relate if he read it. Although wrapped up in a symbolic village under an imaginary ruler it spoke of other struggles. Much deeper. It was rumoured that Kafka meant for the hero to die in the village. Never in the ned managing to obtain his goal. To see the authorities.

 _He almost died without managing his goal...whatever that is..._ yes that book reminded to her of Snape's struggles.

Without second thought she took it and walked towards her desk. After passing from her reading tirade, the book looked really poorly kept. She toyed the idea to magic it clean and straight, but then she frowned against it. He looked like a man that would appreciate a good book that has seen a lot of action. She cleaned it with her hand and turned it around a few times. Finally satisfied that this was the best present she could offer, she searched in the drawers and found some simple brown wrapping paper. She put it down and managed to wrap the book up quite nicely. She placed a thin white rope around it and she fixed a tight bow at the middle. It was simply wrapped, but gave off the idea of a gift. She took a small piece of paper and then drew out her pen. She leaned above it and pushed some long curls that fell upon the paper, behind her ear .

 _ok...keep it simple..._

"Professor Snape,

With this simple gift I want to show you my deep appreciation for your discretion. I hope you will enjoy it.

Wishes for your quick recovery,

Sincerely Hermione Granger"

She looked at it thoughtfully for a few moments and finally satisfied, she folded the paper in four and placed it between the thin rope. She took the gift in her hands and opened her door. She looked left and right and saw that she was clear.

 _it's now or never..._ she tiptoed barefoot to his door and kneeled down. She placed it carefully in front of the door and gave it a small pat with a smile _...that's the best I can do for you Professor...hope you like it..._ she started straightening up, but the creak of a door opening up made her freeze in place.

She felt the blood draining from her face as her eyes saw the Professor's door opening slowly. A pair of black boots stood behind it. Her eyes raised slowly up his dark clad figure and finally rested upon a pair of black piercing eyes that were accompanied by the trademark scowl.

 _oh fuck ...oh fuck...oh fuck..._ she looked livid and her brain was unfortunately unresponsive ...

'I, uhm...I...Professor...i am sorry to bother you. I didn't mean to ...I just wanted to bring you something...I never meant ...' she stammered, not managing to form one bleeding coherent thought in her useless brain, therefore much less came out through her tongue.

He was watching her thoroughly. His hand still on the door handle. Towering over her.

'I am sorry' she spat at his face and dashed into her own rooms crashing the door. Not daring to look behind her.

When she was alone and safe she opened her mouth and pretended to scream. She extended her hands in front of her and clapped them with force in front of her face.

'Shit! Shit! Shit! Fucking hell! Shit! Shit!' she hissed placing her head between her hands and hopping like a rabbit inside her living room. He caught her kneeling in front of his door with the present and she felt burning with deep embarrassment. She wanted to hide under her table and never remerge until he left the castle.

'Oh fuck! Shit! Shit! Hell! Shit' she chanted and jumped towards the fireplace, on both legs. She paused there and her eyes looked at the burning fire. Then the image of his burning black eyes made her wince 'Fuck! Fuck! Fucking hell...Fuck!' she hissed again and threw her head back.

He had seen her, oh bloody hell, he had seen her and now she didn't know which stone to lift and hide under it. A boulder would do nicely. She looked around at the small bar she and Mark owned. She run to it and stumbled on her shoes. She caught herself at the last minute before falling face down on her carpet and making things even worst.

'Stand straight Hermione!... a drink, I need a drink!' she whispered and reached for the fire-whiskey. She swallowed a small sip. It burned her throat and made her eyes water.

'Fuck again! Fuck this!' she said and closed her eyes. Then she forced the rest down with one gulp. It made her throat catch fire.

 _Was that supposed to make me feel better...?_

'Great, very clever!' she fanned her mouth and turned around herself a couple of times making herself dizzy. She caught herself again at the last minute. She was panting and she was also sweating.

 _Great and I was clean before this..._ and then the sudden realisation came over her. He had _seen_ her this way. _This way!..._ her eyes grew wide in terror and she looked down at herself. The big thumbs of her bare feet moved in salutation to her. Her grey pyjamas just a minor inconvenience in comparison to the white t-shirt that she wore without any bra under it. Another blushing explosion came over her cheeks and she placed one hand over her mouth and the other above her chest.

'Oh hell! Oh Shit!...oh...mother of hell!...oh...' she muttered and took another tumbler full of fire-whiskey emptying it with one go. She rubbed her cheeks and pulled her wild hair away from her eyes.

Ok, she had messed up and he had seen her outside his door, barefooted and without any bra on...'Oh shit!' she closed her eyes and bore her teeth again in embarrassment. Ok, now what? She looked towards the door. She watered her lips and released her hold of the bar furniture. She walked unsteadily towards it and raised herself on her balls of her feet. She peeked out of the small peephole and felt a wave of vexation washing over her again. Her cheeks caught fire. His door was closed, but she couldn't see the gift from the peephole, since it was too high up. She rubbed her face angrily.

 _You messed up, stupid girl!..._ she chastised herself and she placed her hand upon the handle of her door.

She munched her lip to blood, trying to find the courage to open the door up. She needed to see if her gift was there, but she didn't dare move. Finally she removed her hand from the handle and walked quickly towards the couch. Well ok, today had probably taken the honourable place of the most embarrassing moment of her freaking life, with everything else coming a distant second. She couldn't forget the burning look he had in his eyes when he saw her.

'Argh...' she groaned and she sat down at the couch heavily, burying her head onto her hands. Great! Great way to command respect from him. Great way to prove that you are indeed a Professor in this solemn environment. Sneaking up his door barefooted without any underwear in the middle of the night.

 _The middle of the night?..._ what the hell was he doing opening his door at this hour anyhow. She raised her head and looked at the mantlepiece clock that read eleven thirty. That was way too late to be opening doors, wasn't it? Minerva said he never went out of his rooms, right?

 _Well apparently she was mistake..._ he was dressed up to go out...or maybe he was leaving them again. He said he wanted his privacy respected...

... _which you aren't doing!..._ she told herself off again.

The wave of embarrassment returned 'Ah...shit!' she muttered one more time and buried her face between her knees. Her long brown hair cascading over her legs. She fisted her hands and banged on her head a couple of times, trying to knock some sense into it.

 _No use...it's fucking empty..._ she groaned out loud. First he caught her stalking him whilst he was sleeping. Then he caught her covering him up and just as she thought nothing more embarrassing could have happened to her, he caught her kneeling at his door without any underwear on...

 _Ok and now I can die...thank you very much..._

'Oh bloody hell' she muttered drawing several deep breaths. She closed her eyes and tried to forget the look in his eyes. She tried to forget how it all happened and how stupid she had been on getting caught red handed. She didn't regret the gift, it still felt done right by him, but getting caught doing this was a whole different thing.

She groaned one more time and leaned back to the couch closing her eyes. His piercing black eyes accompanied by that deep scowl burned her inside her mind and made her blush again and again in shame. As she was trying to get herself under control and feeling the residues of the fire-whiskey settling, the door opened and Mark came in all bright and smiling. His mood nettled her.

She turned around and looked at the clock. It read twelve now 'Where the hell have you been?' she snapped.

'And good evening to you too, beautiful' he replied the smile never leaving his lips 'What's wrong?' he asked and took off his coat and his shoes.

'What's wrong? It's twelve at midnight' she said pointing towards the clock.

'It's Friday evening. We don't have any classes tomorrow Hermione' he replied as if that was enough explanation for his tardiness.

'I don't care about tomorrow. What took you so long? And don't tell me that you have been grading' she warned him as he came around and sat at the couch next to her.

He looked at her appreciatively and smiled 'I've been down at Hogsmeade for a drink with Fillius...and my, you look very sexy tonight' he added eyeing her breasts that were tightly contained under her small white t-shirt.

The thought that someone else had also seen her like this made her flare up immediately 'Why did you go for a drink without notifying me?' she rose from the couch and paced quickly towards her study. She didn't know what to do with herself at that moment. She felt mostly pissed off at herself and he was the easiest scapegoat.

 _Good job Hermione dearest..._

Mark turned solemn 'You know that I sometimes go for drinks in Hogsmeade what do you want? A report for everything I do during the day?'

'Excuse me!' she thundered turning around and this time she felt her head on fire 'At lunch today we had a row because I didn't consult you about offering the rooms next to us, to a sick man in need and now you dare tell me that I require a full report of your day? I got worried sick not knowing where you were at this hour! You have some _nerve'_ she spat striking her hand upon the table.

Mark passed his hand from his hair and removed his glasses 'Look I am sorry. I should have told you, but we arrange it in the spur of the moment and I really didn't think you'd make such a fuss about it' he said.

'You never used to do things like that before' she said drawing herself up 'We are supposed to be getting engaged. What are you going to do when we get married? Are you going to be doing the same things then? Because if that's the case then maybe we need to take some time to consider the matter more seriously' she said

'You are not serious' he said looking up.

'I am dead serious' she added.

'Hermione, for some reason you are ready for a fight and I am not in the mood. We could solve it through sex though. Want to?' he asked turning to playful again.

The fact that he was not taking her seriously made her hark out loud 'I am going to bed...ALONE!' she spat and crashed the door of the bedroom behind her. She was panting. She fell face down upon the bed and took off her pyjama pants. She buried herself under the covers and placed the pillow over her head trying not to think. Her previous need to vanish from the face of the earth was now replaced with the need to kill Mark...

 _Bloody hell what a lovely evening..._ _Great...just great...and we have finals on Tuesday and the graduation dance the same evening_...

She growled angrily and it took her several hours to relax completely. Mark didn't even attempt to open the door to their bedroom. The next morning found her uncovered and sprawled all over the bed snoring away a terrible night. Not a very attractive image, but at that moment she didn't want to attract anyone's attention...neither Mark's nor Snape's. She just wanted to snore away her tired mind and exhausted body. And that was exactly what she did...

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	18. Chapter 18

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Severus sank into the tab and let the warm water cover his head. He remained underwater, listening to the popping of bubbles above him. He emerged from the water and cleaned his face from the soapy water. The luxury of having a warm place to stay in, food to eat and a bed to sleep, in combination with the security he felt inside these very familiar surroundings was doing wonders on his recovery. Add to that the fact that his heart and lungs never bothered him any more and the result was even more impressive. He had taken advantage of the current situation in order to sleep as much as his body needed it, which was a lot. He did little apart from eat, sleep and take a few walks in between, but the last five days he had extended his activities to reading and walking outside his rooms. He winced and leaned his head back and the water rippled around him.

 _Walking outside..._

A deed that was taken the first time with great reserve and with an unexpected guest bearing a present in front of his doorstep. That evening he debated going out for a walk for a long time before he took the courage to put his hand on the door handle. He made it quite clear that he didn't want any socialisations with the school. That was easily done when he was self-contained and barricaded behind closed doors. Attempting to go outside though could have implications. Mainly bumping onto someone. Be seen...be talked to. Problem was that he had been walking inside his rooms for almost a week and he had grown weary of going around his couch. His body called for a more daring walk outside. If he wanted his muscles to grow strong again he needed the exercise harder.

He was eating very good and he was also taking his medicine. He even abided by several visits from Poppy to check on his well being, but he also needed to work out more and he had been doing that inside his rooms all this tome. At one point though, his walking had thinned the carpet and his legs were aching to walk outside. He needed to feel the night breeze upon his face. These were the last days of spring and no matter how many times had opened the window in a futile attempt to bring the spring into his apartments, the effort didn't compare to walking inside the forest.

So that evening he put all thought aside and after finishing a full meal he dressed himself in the same poor clothing he owned. The only pair of black pants, shirt and boots. He donned on his shoulders the knee long, leather coat of Sybil's father and then he placed his hand on the handle. He counted inwards to twenty in order to open it up and outside. He knew it was almost midnight and the possibility of bumping into anyone was close to zero. Besides he knew the hidden pathways of the school better than most, so he was pretty sure he could make the forest very quickly. Those thoughts allowed him to turn the handle, but an unexpected sight was there in front of him.

In front of him was kneeling a ...girl...with wet hair in a loose bun at the top of her head. She had just left a brown package in front of his doorstep. When she saw him she straightened up and looked at him lost and clearly distressed.

 _Granger...again..._

He easily hid his own surprise by assuming his trademark scowl and glaring at her. He didn't even want to think that the first moment he attempted to get out of his confined place to get some fresh air, he actually managed to bump into one of the Professors of the establishment. It wasn't as if she had given him any choice to get away from her though. She had been right in front of his bloody doorstep...The same bloody girl...again...! He had no idea how she succeeded in doing that all the time...

 _one way or another..._

She had been the one that found him... _both times..._ she had been the one that woke him from his coma, she had been the one that sat beside him at the infirmary and covered him up multiple times... _._ she had been the one that intervened and talked him into remaining to finish his cure, she was the one making him his medicine and now she was the one standing right there in front of his door wearing only a small tight t-shirt...his eyes wandered towards the offensive piece of clothing momentarily, a pair of pyjamas and no shoes on. He had drawn his eyes purposefully towards her face again and he had deepened the scowl. Almost demanding her to explain herself to him. And that was difficult, because he may have been an ill and tired man with a lot of garbage in his mind and in his soul, but he was also just plainly a man, and the vision in front of him was difficult to bypass. Even more difficult it was to refrain from having another take on it. The need to know what she wanted right there in front of his door though was stronger than everything else.

That is when she had begun talking. The same way as in the infirmary, she was just stammering words of no real meaning. Asking for forgiveness and really making no sense. Before he had the time to say anything to her...

 _Not that i'd know what to tell her anyway..._

She decided to spit an apology that felt more like a slap across the face and dash into her own rooms crashing the door behind her. He was left standing there in the hallway like a great big dark buffoon with his jaw hanging open. It took him more than a few moments to remember that she had left something at his doorstep. He took the small brown package in his hands and made for her door. He intended to knock on it or break it down and then shove her package back into her hands, but something stopped him at the last moment. Something made him gaze at the package again. Plain brown paper and a small bow with a white string. A small white piece of paper was under it.

 _A present?...for me...?_

He gave her door one last threatening look, as if that would be enough to deter Granger from bothering him again, and then he had made his way down the corridor trying not to have any more nasty surprises for one evening. In the end he managed to take his walk and during that time he even took up the courage to open the small letter of her present. It contained a typical message of wishes for his health and a well covered thank you for his discretion.

So she gave him that book to thank him for not speaking about their embarrassing encounter that evening at the infirmary. Fair play. He unwrapped the gift and he read the title "Franz Kafka - The Castle". Albeit the awkwardness of the whole situation between them, he begun reading the book that same evening. Sitting upon a rock at the edge of the forbidden forest after a rather long walk that calmed down his spirits.

During that week he did little apart from reading Granger's book, eating well and sleeping well, and by walking a lot. He felt better than he had felt for many years and the same thought preoccupied his mind this Monday morning as he was sitting in the bathtub, surrounded by warm water. A while later he was in his living room drying his hair and looking towards the small book sitting in his bedside table. He muttered a quick spell that dried his hair and reached at it.

It turned out one of the best presents he had been given. A large part of that being that no one ever really gave him any presents. Most people thought that he would never appreciate one. Even Albus had been hard offering him something as a gift. He actually preferred it that way, because presents created social obligations. Granger's gift got him unexpectedly. Unprepared as he was, about such a simple gesture, he had fallen into the trap of accepting it.

He placed the book back to the small table and looked out the window. The day was clear but there were a few grey clouds coming from the east, indicating that there could be rain later than evening. He rubbed his forehead considered the turning point between struggling for breath, to feeling as good as he felt this moment.

Did he appreciate feeling so good after saying goodbye to his past? He raised his head and his eyes wandered beyond at the fast forests below, towards the cemetery that was out of his view. His heart complained timidly about of the ghost of Lily and the way he had dismissed her.

 _Do I feel remorse about that?..._

He drew in a deep breath and shook his head. Of course he felt remorse, there was no use denying it. How could he had been stupid enough to think that just because he saidgoodbye to her, he also meant it? He spent twenty six years sacrificing his life for her ghost. How could a few minutes of denial be able to erase all that. He was still mourning her loss, but this time he had the luxury to do it.

But still he felt _... guilty..._ about feeling good.

He winced and stood up. He took his usual clothes from the chair and dressed slowly. The elves had refurbished his closet and it was now filled with new pants and sweaters, but he didn't use them. He didn't want to use anything that was not legally his. So he perused his own clothing albeit their poor conditions. The elves were at least keeping them clean. When he finished buttoning his belt that felt tighter now, he put on his boots and moved towards the fireplace.

He intended to answer at Minerva's call since her letter arrived. The Headmistress required his presence that afternoon in her offices to discuss some important issues. He had no idea what she wanted him for, but he was going to attend. Minerva offered him a cure, apartments to rest, an Elf to serve him and above all his privacy. She was also protecting him from the media frenzy, so all that turned his mind around about not meeting with anyone during his residence here. He requested for newspapers to be brought to him so he kept himself up to date about what took place outside the castle. He knew it must be hard to keep the media out and also the Ministry at bay. Albeit his own feelings towards the witch, he had to admit that she was managing things admirably well. Not that he intended to peruse her hospitality and her vast abilities to handle hard situations for long. He only needed to finish his cure.

 _No one told you how long that would take..._

That was another issue that he wanted to take up with her. He needed to know what was going on with his cure. The previous days, the previous weeks he was too weak, too confused and too dizzy to get into the details, but now he wanted answers. So he decided reluctantly to resurface from his seclusion. Surely a few words wouldn't give them the idea that he was up for friendly conversation and he was going to make sure of that.

He reached the fireplace and took a handful of floo. He threw it in and looked at the clock on the mantlepiece. It read 5 o clock, exactly the hour she had requested. He looked at the green flames and without second thought he stepped in them calling the Headmistress office. He emerged from the other side and raised his head. It was deadly silent. He raised his eyebrow and looked around him haughtily.

Every single Headmaster painting was scrutinising him. He felt his skin crawling and walked slowly towards the elaborate desk were Minerva was sitting. As he approached she stood up and extended her hand amiably.

'Severus, I am so glad you decided to come' she said with a smile.

He stood by the chair hesitating to take a sit in it. It was the same bloody chair that Albus always offered him upon their long meetings. Times were they spoke of secret things, no one was supposed to know. Time when Severus was offered up for another sacrifice, as the easiest way out, as the most _cheap_ casualty.

'I'd rather stand' he replied looking at her with a deep scowl.

She retrieved her hand and nodded 'As you wish, do you mind if I took a sit? I am not getting any younger' she continued the amiable tone.

'No skin off my back' he replied dryly and looked behind her at the painting of Albus Dumbledore, who of _course_ was looking at him silently.

 _Keep it that way old man..._ he warned silently.

Minerva turned to see what he was looking at. She smiled 'Ah, yes our dear old Headmaster, and dare I say friend. Great advisor for every Headmaster. That is why I kept his picture at such a prominent position' she said.

He raised his brow and turned his eyes boringly to her 'You mentioned important matters that need to be discussed' he said, bypassing all conversation about Albus.

'Ah, yes Severus, it has to do with your stay with us. But before we start, do you perchance need something to drink?' she asked politely.

'Fire-whiskey' he said in monotone and looked around the office. It hadn't been changed much since his dubious Headmaster carrier.

'Hardly...I don't think that is allowed' she snuffed.

'Tea' he said in the same tone, without looking at her.

'That I can do' she replied and he heard her pouring an extra cup of tea. His eyes passed from every portrait and each time his eyes locked with a Headmaster, they averted their eyes. Only one gazed back at him steadily. Phineas Nigellus, Sirius brother that helped him track down Potter and his friends just before the end of the second magical war. When their eyes met Phineas smiled widely.

'Severus! I am so glad you are alive, I kept telling these old fools that you were too hard to die, but no one listened to me' he apparently didn't feel the same need to remain as tactful as Albus and the other Headmasters.

'Phineas...' was the only recognition he was going to offer to Black's brother, before gazing coldly at Minerva again.

She offered him the cup of tea. He took it carefully and looked around him. Now that felt awkward. She must have felt that momentary indecision, because she spoke.

'I think it will be more comfortable to drink whilst sitting down. You were kind enough to accept my invitation for a conversation. You were also polite enough to accept a cup of tea. I think taking a seat won't add any points to our declining relationship' she said.

He glared at her haughtily. Taking a seat was the least of all his troubles right now. He moved towards the accursed chair and dumbed himself in it. 'What did you want to talk about?' he asked solemnly. He felt the eyes of Albus burning him, but he kept himself from returning that gaze with relative ease.

Minerva sat back at her chair and took out her reading glasses. 'Severus as you very well know your stay with us has caused a rather big turmoil to the magical world...' she looked up to him '...mainly because now we know that you are alive'.

He pursed his lips quietly.

'You are notorious, whether you like it or not, and the news of you being alive have stirred up the waters. The media hounds have camped outside the castle. It is virtually impossible to leave this place and not be seen. Especially if you are...well... _you'_ she said and pointed at him.

He raised his brow and drank from his tea calmly. He knew all that. So he waited to see where this conversation would get them.

'Of course the hounds outside are much easier to control than the hounds inside. By that, I mean the students of Hogwarts, who are much less discreet and much more disobedient than any journalist could have even been. It was very hard to control them from intruding your privacy believe me' Minerva said shaking her head tiredly.

He still didn't speak.

'That's why I asked you to keep out of sight. Which was something that agreed completely to the way you see things if I remember correctly' she looked at him.

'Wouldn't have had it any other way' he replied putting his cup of tea at the arm of the easy chair, as he had always done with Albus.

'So, you may or you may not remember that today the children had their final tests for this year' she said.

He furrowed his brows... _no I don't remember ..._ he thought dryly. He had been away for far too long to remember things that once upon a time had been his whole life.

'Tomorrow evening we have the last meal, the award of the house cup and of course the graduation dance. After than the castle empties. Except from a few Professors that will remain during the summer, and me of course' she said.

He gave her a curt nod.

'That means that you can have full use of the school's facilities and also that we can change your rooms' she said.

'The rooms are quite satisfactory' he said and Minerva nodded in accordance. He took his cup and drank a sip. 'But do elaborate on the facilities' he said and tried not to sound as if he was commanding her around.

'You can use your old potions laboratory' Minerva said with a discreet smile.

 _the laboratory?..._ well that had drawn his attention and he knew exactly on what he wanted to work on. He wanted to alter and improve his medication. He identified most of the ingredients used upon taste and he knew what it needed to work even better. The fact that he hadn't brewed a potion for over a year only made the need more dire.'That would be quite satisfactory' he said coldly. That was as close as he would get to being thankful to that particular woman who had called him a traitor once upon another lifetime.

'I have notified the current Professor of Potions, that you might be using the laboratories and she had no objections. She even offered to help show you around the new arrangements' Minerva refrained from smiling.

 _Potions Professor?..._

'Who is the current keeper of that position?' he asked.

'Professor Granger, an old student of yours if you remember. Friend of Harry Potter?' Minerva said pointedly, when she already knew that of _course_ he remembered all of them.

'Very well, was there something else?' he asked trying to finish their conversation quickly now that he had gotten everything he needed.

'I would like you to refrain from going out of the castle, unless you are ready to leave us, or ready to face the media. No matter your rather significant magical ability you won't manage to go unnoticed for long' she said.

'Coming to that, how _long_ will my cure last? You have been rather vague on the details' he said and lowered his chin in query.

'I thought Poppy had spoken to you about that' Minerva frowned.

'No' he said

'Without being a hundred per cent certain, I think a couple of months' she said.

'What?' he repeated aloud and his scowl deepened.

'Look Severus you were a rather sick man. You have escaped death and your feet are fresh out of a very deep coma. Your heart and lungs have been worn down by years of venomous abuse. You need time to rest, you need good food to fix your malnutrition and medication. All of that you can find in abundance here. I know you don't want to remain with us, but we have the opportunity to help you. It's the least any of us can do for you' she said.

'Have you and Granger been practicing the same speech?' ...he raised his brow. She made the attempt to answer, but he spoke above her '...Nevertheless I am under the belief that if the medication is altered it may be more efficient towards my recovery. Something I intend to research now that I have been offered the facilities. As is, I will require nothing more from what I have already required up till now. Keep away from me...all of you' he said and drank his last sip of tea. He placed it calmly upon the arm of the easy chair and started walking towards the fireplace.

'Severus ...' Minerva sounded as if she wanted to tell him something else. He offered her such a freezing stare that she decided against it.

'Very well, things will be done according to your wishes' she said calmly.

He felt the words shredding his throat, but in the end he spoke them 'Thank you'.

She nodded in acknowledgment.

That last conversation with Minerva, brought him quietly to the evening of the graduation ball. He decided to take a long walk at the other side of the castle. The less occupied and forgotten part of the covered bridge. The last place where any student would wanna be today were everything was bright and beautiful at it's ending. He managed to take a rather long and meticulous walk at the edge of the clock tower courtyard and he chose the less travelled path to get there. The end of his small journey found him sitting at the benches of the small gazebo at the other end of the covered bridge, enjoying the silence and resting his tired legs.

The night sky was heavy with dark clouds. He sat there far away from the festivities of the castle, observing the paleness of the moon that was hiding behind the clouds. The moon that cheated him one more time tonight. The fresh breeze coming from the mountains and gliding down the ravine was enough to invigorate him. He rested there for quite a long time, just shifting his pained legs to alleviate the discomfort.

His heart felt trouble free, as he listened to the distant croaking of the ravine frogs. He wanted to remain there as long as he could, in order to enjoy the forest sounds and to feel the soft breeze. He used to come to this isolated spot when he was working here, because it was rarely used by the students so he always found a nice spot to come and just sit for a moment away from everything and everyone. This place and the astronomy tower had been his places away from the demanding world around him.

The astronomy tower was out of the question, as it brought back merciless memories and he was too soon into recovery to venture down that path. So the next best choice was the covered bridge gazebo. He turned his head up and looked at the heavy clouds that were moving faster with the growing wind. He closed his eyes and forgot about everything. It felt so much different from the last time he sat on a bench with Lily by his side and a serious heart attack under way

 _That seems like another life time_

He let the time roll by with the clouds and when he reopened his eyes he felt slightly dizzy and disoriented. What brought him back was the raindrops upon his face. The soft rainfall got added to the calm forest sounds. He signed and stood up slowly as he felt his legs in pain. He overstretched the boundaries of his tolerance this evening, but that didn't matter. A restful sleep was all he needed to feel better tomorrow. As long as his heart and lungs gave him no trouble, he could venture anything and that new freedom made him almost a new man.

He started walking towards the clock tower again. He entered the covered bridge and heard the crackling of the floor under his heavy footfall. He could feel the magic that he and Albus had performed on the bridge in order for it to stand. No one changed anything on their spells. He crossed his hands behind his back and walked slowly, the heels of his boots clicking away into the pale darkness that was broken here and there, by a few torches.

Half way across the bridge he stopped and looked towards the side of the ravine. Up there in the sky amidst the grey clouds, flew a couple of Thestrals. Forever comfortable in their dark environment, these creatures flew freely above him now that it was night. He fingered the pocket of his coat and took out a small pack. He then gazed up at Hagrid's flock. There were about five flying in close formations.

 _They are hunting..._

He leaned at the wooden railing and held a bag full of fresh steaks in his hand in order to feed to creatures, like he did when he was working here. He unfolded the bag and took out a steak, then he moved it around so they can catch the smell with their keen sense of smell.

Of course they didn't disappoint. Immediately three detached from the formation and dove towards him and he rewarded them by throwing the steak up in the air. The one closest to him snapped the meet deftly and flew away. The remaining let out a shrilling cry for the performance to be repeated for them. Severus dug in his bag and took another piece of meat and soon they were all fed. He had only one meat left. He wanted to keep it for the ones that were further off. The ones he hadn't fed yet.

So he just sat there enjoying the ever growing tap tap of the rain, the smell of the freshly watered grounds and trying to think of a way to attract the others ones nearer. When out of his right side he heard a muffled sound that attracted his attention. He frowned and leaned back in order to have a better view at the interior of the bridge and of course he wasn't alone. A person dressed in a dark cloak stood some feet away from him and they sounded like they were crying.

He raised his eyebrow and pursed his lips. Whoever that was, they had actually managed to trap his escape towards his own rooms. If he wanted to go home he had to pass in front of them. He turned around and looked towards the sky again.

 _Or I could wait them out..._

Whoever that was they hadn't noticed him. So maybe if he remained relatively immobile they would leave. Besides who would want to sit in this abandoned place for long?

 _Apart from me..._

He turned towards the Thestrals and tried to keep quiet. The sound of crying continued . He shifted his legs in order to rest them from his weight and cursed under his breath the new visitor. That is when a rather large Thestral dove dangerously close to the bridge and it's shrill cry shook the foundations of the bridge. Another sound followed that shrill making him turn around and this time the visitor held his gaze.

'Bloody hell...' the cursing voice was no stranger to Severus. He turned around to fully face her keeping one of his hands on the railing.

 _Granger..._ he raised his brows... _again..._

What was the woman doing here? What was she doing so close to him _again...?_ He scowled deeply, but suppressed his need to chastise her. She was not his student anymore and he could not deduct points from her for being out in the middle of the night. Also she didn't seem aware of his presence and that meant that she came here on her own accord and apparently for her own woes that had nothing to do with him. It was pure luck _again..._ that brought her into his path.

He pursed his lips as the crying continued. He looked towards the Thestrals and raised his brow thoughtfully. She had seen the beasts...she had seen war, therefore she had seen death. Well...

He tossed the idea of going back at the gazebo around in his mind for a couple of moments. His legs were really hurting and he needed to sit down. Unless he chose to move back to the gazebo or sit down right there, there was only one choice left. He had to move past her and just pretend she was not there. Walking towards the gazebo would also attract her attention, so why not do it by also moving towards the wanted direction. With momentary indecision he finally let go of the railing and started walking as silently as possible towards her, or rather past her.

Apparently the tapping of the rain upon the wooden ceiling and the Cries of the Thestrals, allowed him to reach her unnoticed. He stopped and looked at her. She was so small under a way too large black cloak. Under it a pair of black high heel shoes peeked out.

 _She is coming from the dance at the Great Hall..._

He raised his eyes towards her again. She was leaning her body upon the railings and her shoulders were moving silently with her sobs. Whatever ailed her seemed serious. He shouldn't have really cared about her condition, but the remembrance of her gift made him hesitant for a moment and that was enough.

'Granger, shape up, you are scaring away the beasts' he said in the most dry tone he could use. The deflating realisation that he had thrown himself right into trouble overtook him as she cried out and turned to him with terror filled eyes.

It took her several moments to realise who he was and to whisper 'Professor?'

He raised his brow and pursed his lips in return...

'Uhm...What are you doing out here Professor?' she muttered, trying to compose herself. She was also trying to wipe away her tears.

'Up till you came along, I was enjoying my silence' he replied with his brow raised. He was in no mood for niceties with her. He was in no mood to be nice to anyone.

Contrast to what he might have expected, she smiled sadly 'I suppose you must be thinking I am stalking you'.

'Can you blame me?' he inquired.

She crossed her arms protectively around her shoulders 'No, you'd be right, although I assure you that tonight I had no idea that I would find you here' she said.

He remained silently observing the flying beasts, without making any attempts to leave.

'How are you feeling by the way?' she asked after the silent reprise.

'Rather bothered actually' he retorted and gazed at her indifferently.

She signed and closed her eyes 'I really didn't mean to bother you, I'll leave' she made to move out of his way.

'Granger...' he drawled. She stopped and turned around '...you may remain if you so wish. I was just leaving' he replied.

She frowned 'Professor, I know what you must be thinking...but if ...you see I never ...I don't know how to explain...I am so sorry one more time' she said sounding uncertain what about she was asking forgiveness about.

He pursed his lips annoyed by his own inability to walk away. His reason told him to leave, but reason didn't win over.

'That book you gave me...' he let the words trail off. Her head snapped up quickly '...quite interesting' he said conversationally.

She approached him carefully with eyes that seemed too insistent. She always had that demanding look when she was a child. She still owned it as an adult, only her adulthood had added another quality to it.

'You read the book?' she asked sounding disbelieving.

'I am someone who would give an idle comment about something I haven't done...obviously' he drawled and looked at her.

'...obviously...' she seemed mesmerised '..did you like it?' she asked.

'It had surprisingly deep symbolisms' he rejoined curtly.

'Of course you saw right through it. I was certain, although I wasn't convinced that you would enjoy muggle literature' she smiled at him.

He raised his brow 'Something you seem to enjoy immensely' he rejoined coldly. He had assumed the Professor/student attitude with her, and she had fallen right into the pattern, forgetting that now she was his colleague.

'I love literature, it's my life' she cast her glance low in embarrassment.

'The bookworm, of course. I remember you well' he said dryly.

She raised her eyes to him and shook her head 'No you don't understand. Books give my life a meaning. They are part of who I am, part of my philosophy' she said with simplicity.

 _Do I really care?_

'Part of your philosophy? Muggle literature?' he said.

'You might find it weird, but don't forget I was raised by muggle parents. Muggle born' she said raising her hand with a small smile.

He was surprised to find himself smiling inwardly at that. She was an easy pray for this game and he was too much of a bastard not to take advantage of that. He turned his eyes casually towards the Thestrals and pursed his lips.

'There are more things in heaven and earth ...' he trailed off and gazed at her haughtily '... than are dreamt off in _your_ philosophy, Miss Granger'

The flash of recognition came within fractions of a second. She nodded, partly in confusion 'Hamlet, you know Hamlet?' she asked.

He moved his legs restlessly as his hips were killing him.

'You have read Shakespeare?!' she repeated with sudden intensity.

The side of his lip upturned into a sly smile 'Wise man, although slightly illiterate. His works have prudent advice to offer Miss Granger'.

'I am impressed. I didn't know that you read muggle literature' she said.

He faced her silently. At least her eyes were dry now and she was not moping around in hateful misery.

She felt the need to elaborate at his lack of response 'Most wizards don't know muggle literature. Many don't even appreciate that it exists. So it came as a surprise, that someone like you...' she traced off not knowing what else to say.

'I was told that you have taken over one of my former employments in this establishment?' he asked, thoroughly omitting to answer her unsubtle questioning about his personal tastes in books. He had given her more than enough already.

She shifted next to him 'Yes, I am not a Potions Mistress per se. I haven't yet mastered the subject, but I am well on my way to that one' she said,

'I might need to use the laboratories soon' he said curtly.

'Of course, you don't need to ask. That used to be your domain for years' she said quickly.

'Minerva said that I might need to be re-introduced to the facilities. Is that your opinion also?' he gazed at her coldly.

She looked momentarily lost.

He scowled at her 'Mrs. Granger concentrate!' he admonished.

She shook her head in order to clear it 'I could show you around the new arrangements anytime you need.'

 _That'd be enough courtesy ..._

He straightened 'That would be sufficient' he said and turned around intending to make his way back to his rooms. Now the pain in his legs had extended up to his hip bones and waist.

 _I feel ...so old..._

'Anytime Professor' she said.

He paused and turned to her. She admittedly looked much better than she did when he first saw her. Maybe his ruthless ways were enough to knock some sense into her. He observed her long dark cloak and saw that under it she wore a greenish dress that picked shyly from the small opening at her chest. He pursed his lips again and turned his attention towards the Thestrals one more time.

'Show me your palm' he commanded.

She frowned and hesitantly opened her palm to him. He took out the remaining steak and slapped it mercilessly onto her hand. The sound echoed in the covered bridge. He smiled at the effect that had on her. Her mouth was hanging wide open.

 _You sure didn't expect that one..._

'Feed them Miss Granger, they are hungry' he said and pointed towards the beasts.

She looked at the Thestrals and then at him with huge shocked eyes.

'Goodnight Mrs. Granger' he drawled and turned his back to her. Then he strolled casually down the bridge. He placed his hands behind his back and he imagined her standing there, with her black high heels and green dress, all proper for a graduation ball. With a raw steak in her hand, looking at him like she had just been hit on the head, with a fucking brick.

And for the first time in more than seven years, he felt the genuine urge to laugh.

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A/N:

-I feel the need to explain that this is a long story. About 300,000 words (approximately). It is a slow burn, it has a lot of sensitive topics inside, including turbulent relationships and violence later on. If anyone is offended by such topics consider yourself warned and maybe you should refrain from reading more.

-I also feel the need to tell you that unfortunately when I wrote the book I was going through a rough patch with my now ex-husband and as expected my turbulent relationship mirrored inside the story on Hermione's and Mark's relationship. This was written back in 2011. I cannot rewrite the story and change it. I've seen a lot of displeasure on how Mark and Hermione are annoying to the readers. Unfortunately that's how this story goes...and it has much more to go through till the end. I've written two other stories, one of which is doing fairly well in comparison to this one. Maybe you could try "Sound of Silence" instead and of course you can turn to other MUCH more talented writers than me in this site.

-I am pleasantly surprised that after all these years, the content of the story is under scrutiny and not my inadequate use of English. That for me is a compliment as it means I am slowly improving.

-Thank you for any review. I appreciate it a lot *.*

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	19. Chapter 19

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Hermione stood there looking at the raw steak in her hand as he walked calmly away from her. She shoved the need to laugh like a maniac deep down her throat. Mainly from fear that he was going to turn around and ridicule her in some manner or another.

 _Did he really slap a piece of raw meat into my hand?..._

She raised her brow and huffed out the residues of the hysterical laughter that was threatening to come out. Well no matter what, he managed to shift her mood around. She raised her eyes to his imposing figure retreating slowly. Covered with his black leather coat, his long hair moving back and forth along with his calm stride. His hands crossed behind his back. His footsteps slow, but as always self certain.

'Good night Professor' she yelled behind him in an afterthought.

He didn't stop, he didn't even slow down his pace. He continued as if she hadn't spoken at all. She shook her head and with a smile still painted upon her lips, she turned around and looked at the Thestrals. She waved the steak in the air and two dived down close to her. She yelped happily and drew back as the beasts gave out a shrill cry.

'Ok, ok, one, two, three' she counted and threw the meat into the air. One of the smaller Thestrals snapped it up in it's strong jaws and flew away. She wiped her hands upon her cloak and huffed in pleasure.

 _Well this night ended far better than it had begun..._ she thought and looked at the ever growing rain as the beasts flew all around her. She turned around and saw his dark figure now almost out of sight. She exhaled and passed her hand from her hair. They had gone slightly loose from her bun, so she tried to secure them again properly this time.

When she arrived at the covered bridge she had done it in order to get some peace of mind. She wanted to cry out the frustrations that had accumulated over the past month, alone. So when the Professor's deep voice intruded her mopping mess she yelped in fear. He was standing right there in front of her, with his hair loose around his face and his coat open to reveal a black shirt unbuttoned near the neck.

His scowling brows always provoking her to speak and his eyes burning her. He was the last person she had expected to find there, but albeit the abruptness of this meeting he remained in order to scold her, of all things, to be quiet and not scare the beasts. That unwanted intrusion of his had been enough to stop her crying and make her forget all her worries. Since his commanding presence always demanded attention, it didn't fail to shape her up quickly.

She had been extremely elated to see him up and moving about. Especially so far away from their adjoining rooms, but he crushed her need to inquire about his health under his dry scrutiny. He easily slipped into his former role of her Professor and she easily slipped back to her role of his student. His reaction was justified, but hers wasn't. She was a Professor here now and she needed to act like it...but somehow his eyes were disconcerting her as much as they did when she was a student. Even a tad bit more...

 _definitely more..._

And the result was her speaking nonsense to him _one more time._ She groaned in embarrassment. All those odd circumstances were she appeared right in front of him unwanted, uncalled, even though she never intended it, at least this time.

The universe had a weird sense of humour upon them both. She had been ready to prove to him that she meant well, by leaving him alone. When he was the one that stopped her this time. He engaged her, in a brash and uncultivated manner about the book she gave him. She was ultimately shocked that he was actually admitting, albeit grumpily, that he read her book and that made her have a double take on him. When she gave him the book, a week ago, she never imagined that he'd give off time to read it.

 _And he had been quick with it also..._

Not that this fact should have surprised her. Everybody knew that he was...well...a bookworm...she blushed when she remembered that he used the same appellation for her a few moments ago.

...W _ell, he is the face to call others bookworm..._

Everything else though paled in comparison to the fact that he recited Shakespeare.

 _Hamlet..._

Bloody fucking Shakespeare! The man actually quoted fifteenth century muggle literature. Who would have ever thought that Professor Snape, her hateful Potion's Master, knew all about Hamlet? A pure blood wizard that enjoyed muggle literature...but wait...! Wait a moment! Snape was not a pure blood, he was a half blood.

 _...the Half Blood Prince you dimwit..._ she groaned aloud and hit the heel of her shoe on the wooden floorboards. The crack echoed into the night.

Of course he knew about muggle literature and he probably also knew a lot about muggles and their little ways. He was raised by a muggle father who disliked magic. He was probably used to do many things the muggle way.

She hissed at her own stupidity on forgetting such a major detail about him. Of course he knew all about muggles, but nothing on his appearance reminded her of muggles. She reprimanded herself one more time when she remembered that he actually lived seven years without magic. The man actually _lived_ without magic for almost a full decade.

So that is how he knew about Shakespeare. She was certain that he had read several other muggle authors and the _bookworm_ in her rejoiced in the possibility to pick his brilliant mind about his likes and dislikes. Something that she immediately discarded as a stupid idea. It was not her place to ask him things like that for goodness sake.

 _yet..._

Yet nothing! He asked her only to be reintroduced to the potions laboratories and she had complied to assist him. That was the only thing he actually required off of her, nothing more. So her mind didn't need to run wild with the possibilities of an academic talk with him. She looked up towards the night sky. The resonance of this meeting was happiness at seeing him a dozen times better than the comatose relic from a month ago.

The man was sure on his way to recovery. Albeit the difficulties that his recovery projected on everyone, she was happy about him. No matter anything else, she had personally invested on him. She had spent countless nights and days sitting next to him, willing him to stand up and live. So seeing him do it felt very satisfying. She smiled sweetly and looked at her hands. She felt that she deserved to smile about their encounter out of all things this evening.

At least this time she managed to be polite and make some sense. In the end he actually interacted with her, instead of just scrutinising her with his piercing glance. She even managed to bypass her original bout of embarrassment, that still lingered from when she got caught half naked in front of him. Something he assisted with his cold unmoving manner that made her realise that he never noticed anything inappropriate from that hellish evening. Or that if he did, he was too much of a gentleman to speak about it.

 _what the hell did you expect Snape to say about something like that? Are you crazy?..._

He was not the type of man to speak like that and his ways around her were the same as when she was a student. So no news was good news. She gave one last look at the Thestrals and began walking slowly back to the castle. It took her a good half an hour to reach the Great Hall and it was well meant to take this long. She needed to compose herself in order to get back. She wanted to enjoy the full moon this evening, but it was playing hide and seek behind the heavy clouds.

She winced in disappointment and gathered her cloak around her thin dress in order to keep warm. She walked slowly also in order to avoid bumping into Professor Snape again. She was pleased with their encounter, but she felt too emotionally shaken to handle two such demanding interactions in one evening. She preferred some sex with Mark. For some unknown reason sex with Mark at that moment didn't sound bad at all...a huff escaped her and with uplifted spirits she walked calmly back to the Great Hall.

***...***

Next morning found her in her pyjamas eating breakfast. She raised the toast to her mouth and took a large bite. She started munching it and looked up from her newspaper. Mark was drinking his coffee and musing at the view of the window. Although they didn't have sex last night, they cuddled and Hermione managed a surprisingly peaceful sleep. Something that she hadn't experienced since she first found Professor Snape struggling for breath in front of the Hogwarts gates. So right now she was feeling happy and well rested. Further more, the last students left the castle this morning and that meant that their workload was significantly lesser.

She coughed 'What are we going to do today?' she asked looking above her newspaper. The titles occupied this one, as all the ones prior to it and in the midst of them all, the same name kept repeating itself 'Professor Snape' _._

Mark was still looking out the window.

'Uhm...hello? Is anybody out there?' she asked and smiled.

No answer again.

'Nope, just my echo...' she murmured and took a large sip of coffee.

Mark shook his head and smiled 'I am little lost this morning' he said.

She raised her brows and pushed her chair back 'Figures. What's up?' she asked and moved towards their bedroom.

'It feels weird' Mark said again in a strange monologue.

'What does?' she raised her voice looking in her cupboard. She picked up a white v necked sweater and a pair of black tights. She started dressing and vaguely thought that she looked like a chessboard.

'Having nothing to do, the school becoming empty and barren, you know' he said musingly.

'Having no more papers to grade I know, the grief' she said and rolled her eyes. She straightened and put on a pair of low heeled boots.

'Don't jest and tell me once again _why_ you have to dress so...so...so' he seemed aggravated.

'muggle?' she asked pulling her hair back to a long ponytail.

'Well, you don't _fit_ the surroundings' he rejoined playfully. No matter his words, his eyes seemed to appreciate her well enough.

'I'll make _them_ fit _me_ ok? You know how much I _hate_ those long cloaks. However impressive they are, they are not practical. They get caught up into everything. Even in door handles. You know how many times I had a fight with a door handle in order to disentangle myself? Right now I have no students to terrify, so I opt for practicality' she said and moved towards the main chamber.

'Well you do look downright beautiful in these clothes, I'll admit that. What are you going to do today?' he asked.

'Been planing to start organising the laboratories for next year. Remove, clean, label and store everything. Start preparing early on, so I can have the majority of our summer free' she said and winked at him.

'Harry is expecting us in the evening?' he asked slapping the palm of his hand upon his forehead.

She nodded 'Thank Gods you remembered' she said and sat down again.

He came behind her and started massaging her shoulders 'I have to admit that these clothes are very appropriate on you' he said.

'You don't sound like yourself Mark' she smiled

'If you don't like me romantic, I can become filthier...' he leaned to her neck and took a sensual bite on it, which send shivers down her spine. She leaned her head back and got ready to enjoy this encounter, when a knock on the door made them both look up.

'Are we expecting anyone?' she asked frowning.

'No' Mark replied.

No one made an attempt to open the door, but another knock followed soon.

'I'll get it' she said finally and stood up.

Mark shook his head 'Saved by the bell beautiful' he said and pinched her bottom playfully.

She stuck her tongue out to him and she opened the door. She turned around happily to greet whoever decided to visit them first thing in the morning and that is when her smile died down. She straightened her body instinctively and her heart picked up speed. Professor Snape stood there, towering over her.

She felt her mouth drying up 'Uhm, good morning Professor' she managed with a voice that sounded too used.

'Good morning' he replied. He seemed well in control and didn't remind her at all of the comatose man that she had comforted for a whole month.

Her lips played with a timid smile 'Can I help you with anything?' she asked.

'Indeed you can' he replied and looked up.

She turned around. Mark had come up behind her.

She groaned inwards. She would have preferred it, if the Professor had caught up with her whilst she was alone and not with Mark.

'This is Professor Gulpert' she pointed politely at her boyfriend and then she turned towards Professor Snape whose presence called for her attention with it's silence. She watered her lips again 'Mark this is Professor Snape, I don't think further introductions are necessary' she said keeping her eyes upon him. She felt a strong shudder run down her spine as his eyes removed themselves from her with obvious difficulty and landed on Mark. She saw him assuming a disinterested look and offering a curt nod, but nothing more.

Mark extended his hand 'It's a real honour to meet you Professor'.

Professor Snape lowered his eyes and looked at the offered hand, which he didn't take. Then his lofty eyes turned back on Mark's and a wave of rejection and coldness cut all pleasantries short.

'As I am not currently here to process in social interactions I will only require your help Professor Granger' he said and his eyes returned to her again and assumed their burning interest almost immediately.

She felt the wave of negative energy coming from Mark and she raised her hand and touched his chest 'Can you wait for me inside?' she asked quietly. She missed how Professor Snape's eyebrow rose to the ceiling as he observed them.

Mark was red in the face and he was trembling at the offensive elbowing that he had just received. He was a proud man and that was the worst thing Professor Snape could have done to him. Apparently the tall dark man didn't care much about that. She felt torn by the need to calm Mark down and the impertinent need to turn her attentions to her Professor immediately.

'Please' she whispered squeezing his arm. Mark lips curled up in a stiff smile and he jerked his head towards the taller man's direction "Very well, but don't be long!" he warned.

 _This looks like a battle for territory..._ she bemused.

'I will be with you shortly' she said.

Mark lingered a moment more and then he turned around and walked in the living room angrily. She tore her eyes away from him and looked up...to ...the other man. He was looking at her with a raised brow. His hands were behind his back. His face was unreadable as always and slightly hidden behind his hair.

'How can I help you then Professor?' she asked trying not to sound too hurt by how he treated her boyfriend. This was how Snape had aways been. He didn't act differently from how she remembered. She gazed into his stone cold eyes and wondered if that night she had found him kneeling under the rainstorm had ever existed. There with his wet hair covering most of his face, his eyes had revealed blazing passion. Had she truly seen that in him or had it been her imagination? His eyes now bespoke of nothing more than derision and she felt cheated that he never appreciated what she had done for him during his comatose state.

 _maybe the fact that he is talking to you, is proof enough for that?..._

'I need to use the laboratories' he said succinctly.

 _ah.._. _But of course!_

The offer to help him around the new arrangement of the laboratories. She looked back at Mark, that sat in his chair, drinking his coffee and pretending not to care about what had just happened 'Of course yes...What, do you mean now?' she asked feeling slow and stupid.

He raised both brows but didn't answer.

She smiled and rubbed her forehead 'Of course you mean now, why else would you be standing here. Give a moment and I'll be right with you, Professor' she said and looked up.

He nodded and bowed ever so slightly in acknowledgement. Then he did a most astonishing thing. He turned around and walked several steps away. He moved in front of a window and stood there, far from their door.

 _well that is subtle..._ she thought and turned towards Mark.

There was no question that she was going to attend to the Professor. There was also no question that he was expecting her to act on his service immediately. He may have been truly subtle by giving her the time and space needed, but he was out there waiting for her and she didn't want to let him wait too long. So when she approached Mark she did only to inform him that she was off to the laboratories, but what she got instead was a full face attack.

The moment she approached, he slapped the paper to the table surface and looked at her with blazing eyes 'What the hell was _that?'_ he said pointing towards the door.

'The professor?' she said trying to turn the mood around.

'What's _his_ problem then? What's with the attitude?' Mark asked angrily.

'Look, you don't know him. He was always like that...' she started.

'What? Rude!?' he exclaimed loudly, no doubt on purpose in order to be heard outside.

She gave the door an apprehensive look. She _didn't_ want the Professor to connect her with rudeness, albeit of him being guilty of the same flaw. His rudeness felt natural, as if he was born with it, but that was not her and Mark was really embarrassing her at that moment.

'Would you keep it down please?' she asked

'No I will not! His attitude was a bit pompous don't you think? He didn't even greet me' Mark exclaimed and stood up. He began pacing back and forth in the living room, looking livid.

'Professor Snape was always like that' she said with simplicity. The easiest way out, was to flatten the enormity of what happened.

'Like what? An ass!?' he yelled.

She fell on him and pinching his arm menacingly 'Keep your fucking voice down'

'You are defending him' Mark's voice fell suddenly flat.

'Don't miss the point Mark! He maybe an ass. Sure, he is a major one at that. I have been his student for seven years. Don't you think I know and can qualify every nasty trade he owns in his social interactions? I can name them, tag them and categorise them alphabetically and with order of priority also. But he was never socially adept ...' she tried a laugh...Mark remained frozen, so she continued '...but some facts remain imperative. He is a war hero. He is a man that has sacrificed his life for all of us. He is in the process of recovering from a very serious illness. He is our guest and he needs to use my laboratories. So I am going to bypass the fact that he has the social grace of an amoeba and I am going to look at the heart of things. That is how to help him. If you cannot pull your head out of the blood-pool your egotism spilled when it got hit by the Professor's haughtiness, I cannot be of any assistance to you. You have to solve this on your own, because I am going to attend to him!' she said and straightened.

'Well that was pretty straightforward' Mark said coldly.

She closed her eyes 'Please, do you have to make it so difficult for me?' she asked.

'Of course not. Attend to your professor then Hermione, I am going to take a trip down at Hogsmeade' he said and offered her his back.

'Mark' she made an attempt

'Forget it' he snapped.

She nodded and turned on her heels. As she reached the door she looked back at him 'We will go to see Harry this afternoon, right?' she asked.

No answer.

 _Very well..._

She opened the door a little too hurriedly for her tastes and it cringed violently on its hinges. As she stepped out she saw Professor Snape still looking out the window. With his hands still clasped behind his back. Seemingly calm and unaware of what had happened inside her rooms.

 _...better that way..._

She closed the door calmly and took several deep breaths 'I am all yours professor' she said.

He turned around and his dark eyes fell upon her. She felt the need to raise her arms and take hold of her shoulders.

'Lead on' he said and raised his hand for her to pass in front of him.

She nodded and started walking towards the potion classroom. He knew how to get there, but he had offered her the leadership. She just didn't know if he was being gallant letting her lead, or he simply searched for an opportunity to ridicule her and feeling his eyes burning her back was disconcerting. They walked for several minutes in silence, her soft footfalls followed and his heavier almost military pace.

She kept her head high and tried _not_ to feel that he was scrutinising her every single step, when finally she had enough of her own mind games. She was not his student anymore and albeit that he was still intimidating to her, she was his equal and also his host. She had to act like one and that meant that she had to lower down her pace and walk next to him. She did so and soon they were walking side by side.

 _Look at him!...Merlin knows how many times you ogled him at the infirmary...how many times you touched him when he was in a coma. Now look at him!..._ she commanded herself. She gazed up at him. His head was looking at the corridor in front of them. Her gaze must have felt imperative, because finally he turned and looked at her straight in the eyes.

She killed the momentary need to feel scared 'I am so sorry for what happened back there. Mark isn't used to...' what was she going to say? Used to you? Used to your inability to interact socially?. She scrounged her nose 'I am not going to find the proper words to explain the awkwardness that happened back there, so I will stop my insidious bubbling, as you would have recommended to me back when I was your student' she said and almost smiled at the remembrance.

'Quite the contrary, you can make a fool out of yourself in front of me anytime' he replied.

A slight shocked hiccup escaped her 'As if I hand't done that in front of you a dozen times already' she mused audibly.

'I assure you that I am used to that, I have been teaching you long enough' he replied and looked at her. His eyes were cold and unreadable.

 _Is he trying to make a joke out of the whole situation?..._ she felt her mouth curling up in a ghostly smile. She decided to take this a step further, to see if she could.

'That steak you gave me?' she said and waited.

He turned his head to her boringly, but didn't speak.

'They found it delicious' she pointed out as they walked calmly down the corridor.

'Who did?' he inquired raising his brow.

'The Thestrals of course, who did you think?' she replied not daring to smile outwardly to him.

'Cannot know Miss Granger. You may have cooked the stake and fed yourself with it for all I know' he replied derisively.

She didn't take offence 'I wouldn't have used plural, for myself _'_ she pointed out to him barely aware that she was starting to enjoy herself, like she did at the covered bridge.

'You may be suffering from delusions of grandeur, therefore addressing yourself in the plural tense. Hogwarts can have that effect on people' he replied.

This time it was hard not to laugh out loud at his joke. Her pearly laughter echoed into the hallway making her greatly aware that she was actually laughing with a joke that professor Snape just delivered.

 _Talking about hell freezing over!_

He, on the other hand didn't bat an eyelid. He remained impassive as she laughed away his joke, walking peacefully as if nothing had happened. The need to ask him of that was a joke and touch his arm in a friendly manner was too strong, but she resisted it.

'How are you feeling?' she inquired at some point when they were very close to the laboratories.

A long delay from him made her look around. He was not looking at her, but his countenance didn't seem contained anymore. He was scowling deeply. She was just about to ask him again when he finally replied.

'Adequately well' and he sounded succinct.

She decided to press on more as they reached the classroom doors.

She took out her keychain and searched for the appropriate key, at the same time lowering the wards 'May I inquire what you are going to do in the laboratories?' she found the key and placed it in the keyhole.

'I will enhance my current medication' he replied.

She opened the door and remained with her hand on the door handle frozen 'That's the medication I made for you. I have already enhanced it' she said.

'It has potential for improvement, Miss Granger' he replied dismissively.

She pursed her lips and drew her key from the door. She tried _not_ to feel offended by his elbowing. She entered the large circular room and looked around her. The classroom was exactly as she had left it after the finals. It needed a good cleaning. She could use the Elves to clean up the cauldrons, but the rest was up to her. She looked around at the walls that were lined with bottles of ingredients as far as they eye could see. She needed to check all of them, remove them, clean out the bad ones, tag them and store them again. She drew a deep breath and that is when she remembered the Professor. He was standing by the door, his tall darkness blocking the exit.

'Well, are you coming inside?' she inquired trying to sound as inviting as she could.

'This is the new potions classroom' he noticed.

She nodded 'Yes it is'

'What happened to the old classroom?' he asked walking in the room with calculated steps.

'After you took the position of DADA professor, Professor Horace found this classroom more appropriate for teaching. It is bigger, more comfortable' she said '..but surely you remember that. You were here at the time' she added.

'What surprises me, is that the subsequent Professor, kept the same classrooms as Horace. Was you need for space great also, Miss Granger?' he asked picking up a half full bottle and twirling it around his fingers expertly.

 _ok, I felt that one..._

'It wasn't my decision professor. The Headmistress decided on that' she replied straightening up.

'I see. The old potions offices, are they still intact, or have they been transformed into a broom closet?' he asked opening the stopper and bringing the bottle under his nose. She saw his nostrils flaring as he took in it's scents.

 _I am not going to play along with this...No!..._ she crossed her hands defensively 'They are still intact, I have been using other facilities' she replied, half expecting the next hot needle from him.

'Horace's old offices, I suppose' he said placing the bottle at the table 'This has gone off' he said pointing at it.

She walked over and took it 'No, I have been using my own apartments as an office Professor, and yes I know it's gone off. This place needs to be cleaned' she replied taking the bottle to the water fountain at the end of the room. She emptied the contents in an old cauldron, especially magicked not to let any ingredient interact with anything else and then placed the empty bottle on the work counter. She'd clean it up later and refill it with new supplies for next year.

'This is were I will be working?' he inquired looking around him in clear distaste.

'I have nowhere else to put you professor. Will this not be adequate? You will have all the ingredients at hand' she replied starting to really get bothered by the quick shift of the mood from pleasant to being accused of inadequacy.

'I will require a clean working space and a large professional cauldron. Further more, I will need some room on the counter to analyse the current medication' he said and moved towards the appointed place.

She refrained from rolling her eyes as she headed to the apothecary 'I can name each ingredient and it's quantity professor. Might save you time' she said looking about and measuring the cauldrons stacked in there with her eyes.

'I am sure, but I will prefer to work on it myself if you don't mind' he replied not looking at her.

 _well I do, but who cares right?..._ she huffed and picked up a cauldron. She carried it over at the table that was closest to the central window and to the counter. She placed the cauldron down and began cleaning the desk.

'It might save you time. Might save your legs also. You need to rest professor. You are still recovering and you are far from being well' she said lifting up the cauldron and trying with a lot of effort to bring it on level with the table surface.

He snaked around her and with one hand lifted the cauldron easily and placed it upon the table. Her eyebrows rose in admiration. How could such a thin frame manage to lift something so heavy that easily.

 _Apparently he is not as weak as he looks..._

 _'_ Thank you' she avoided looking at him. He was by her side and she was highly aware of his presence.

'I assure you I am fine Miss Granger, and the sooner I work on the potion, the sooner I'll get even better' he replied.

'I know you want to get out as fast as you can' she said not really prepared to get so straightforward with him. She voiced her inner thoughts without any prior consideration.

He remained silent.

She raised her head and met his eyes. He was still next to her, not too close, but not too far either. She forced a smile upon her lips 'We all know that and we are trying to assist you' she said

'Assist my way out of here?' he asked raising his brow.

'Surprising as it may seem to you, yes' she replied.

He pursed his lips 'Then in that case you would be so kind as to give me a tour of the laboratories as I need to start working on the potion'. He reached down in his pocket and took out a vial with his medication.

She smirked 'You didn't miss on a dose in order to sneak this out, did you?'

He didn't respond as pleasantly 'If I had a death wish, I would have missed on my doses much sooner'.

He kept his eyes on her, making her highly nervous. She lost her smile and rubbed on her shoulder 'Very well. Follow me, I think this is going to be fairly easy for you' she said and conducted him around the room. She pointed out were each group of ingredients was and how they were categorised. Soon they had finished with the apothecary also. He was succinct in his answers during the tour and quick to figure out were everything was. She didn't expect anything less out of him. She knew how sharp his mind was and how potent he was in this area of magic.

 _Not only this one..._

The only thing she noticed with mild alarm was that the more they walked around, the more his step became heavier and more pained somehow. Much like it had looked under the covered bridge that night.

 _He must get tired easily..._

When finally after half an hour they reached his working table again, he seemed so under the weather specially on his legs that he leaned upon the table to rest.

'Are you alright?' she asked.

'I've seen better days' he replied and it sounded tired. As if realising his own weakness he straightened and looked over at her with a deep scowl 'I will need full use of the laboratories and no time limit. That means that you have to give me your wards'

She rubbed her shoulder again and refrained from walking over to check him out. That seemed like the most unwise thing to do at that moment 'Of course I will. There is no issue with the time frame, but I will need to work down here, parallel to you. I need to clean the classroom and sort out the potion storages' she replied.

'You can do summersaults on your head as long as you don't bother me when I work' he said and raised his hand to rub the side of his face.

'I will bother you less than I did when I was in your classroom' she tried to alleviate the tension.

His head snapped up towards her. She thought she saw the ghost of a smile, but she must have been mistaken. It disappeared quickly and the trademark scowl took it's place.

 _How disappointing..._ she bemused.

'Let's hope, for the sake of both of us Miss Granger, that you will let the bothersome little know it all, back at your apartments or for the pleasure of your own students' he drawled.

He didn't seem to be insulted. In fact, he seemed to be playing along at certain points with her humorous remarks. Although he was doing it with the cold manner that was so ... _him..._

'When do you intent to begin working?' she asked.

He straightened from the table and took out the vial from his pocket 'Now' he replied and came up to the counter

'Now?' she asked frowning.

He didn't answer. He took out his wand and started murmuring words she couldn't make out, whilst his wand drew beautifully colourful threads away from the bottle and into the air. He was undoing the potion and registering each different ingredient. She knew that method, since it was the same method she was using. It was the method he taught them, but the charms he used were much more advanced than her own basic ones. The academic in her needed to learn more, but something else caught her attention as he worked on meticulously. He was holding himself upright with his free hand and his legs looked ready to give in.

'You do look tired professor...your legs...maybe you should sit down?' she inquired feeling more nervous by the minute. He really didn't look well enough to start work now, but apparently he had different ideas.

'My legs hurt, Miss Granger which is perfectly expected after lying comatose for a month' he replied coldly.

'Maybe you should eat something then to strengthen your body' she pointed out.

'If that something has to do with the emetic concoctions Poppy is allowing me, then I have to kindly decline' he rejoined

She smiled at his back 'What if it has to do with the steaks you fed the Thestrals with?' she asked.

'Are you trying to get rid of me quicker? Hasn't anybody told you that red meat doesn't work well with a heart condition?' he replied dryly.

'Well, that's true, but your weakness doesn't work well with a food strike either' she replied, slowly getting the hung of the word play with him. Although she was certain that he was actually giving her the advantage here, mainly by not throwing her out of the room.

 _...by actually having a conversation with you..._

He didn't answer, nor did he stop his work.

'Ok, I will talk to Poppy before I attempt to bring you food' she said.

Again no answer.

'Did you add essence of Dittany and Pomegranate to the potion?' he asked after a few moments of silence.

'Yes and I brewed them for ...' he spoke above her.

'...exactly seven hours. Stirred only clock wise and waited for it to shimmer down to a yellow colour which was caused by the addition of Runespoor Eggs' he said in a musing tone.

She froze...that was exactly what she had told him when he was in the coma, when she thought he was not listening to her. He turned around and looked at her with a deep thoughtful crease on his forehead. With dark blazing eyes and a mouth slightly open. Seemingly just realising that he remembered something from inside a dream.

She nodded 'Exactly'

He remained there bemusing over her. She felt his stare penetrating her very soul and just as she was about to yell at him that she couldn't take it anymore, he took a double take on her and closed his mouth deciding to best let it go.

 _Yes, best let it go..._ she agreed and exhaled quietly when he finally resumed his work.

'Prudent choices' he said.

'Could be better though?' she asked, the academic in her too curious to take advantage of the vast knowledge of her old professor.

'Yes, it could' he replied but didn't elaborate.

She huffed 'How?'

He turned around again, but this time his stare was cold and didn't reach down to her very soul as it did the last time. 'The Runespoor eggs were a good addition, although they could be highly enhanced by the addition of the infamous boom berry' he said.

'Boom berry of course, it's juice has high restorative properties' she said. How could she had missed on that one? That was so bloody obvious, but when she remade the potion she didn't have the ease to think this through properly. He was frozen over and dying.

'Aconite will be a good addition' he said mostly to himself than to her.

'Aconite, also known as monkshood or wolvesbane is known to calm down any adverse reactions of the body's own defences. Which maybe very useful in cases were the body is fighting itself, like autoimmune diseases, but your disease is not autoimmune professor'

'Very good, Miss Granger. I would have granted you points, had I still been your Professor. As is though, I will point out that Aconite can have different effects _if_ the flowers are picked when the toxic leaves are not wide spread and if they are crushed during the half moon circle' he said, easily resuming the calming voice he always used when he was analysing an ingredient.

 _He hasn't lost it..._ she refrained from smiling.

'Should you need any assistance call for the Elves and they will notify me' she said

'I won't' he replied.

'Will you need anything else from me?' she asked 'I am sure you can find your way down here, better than I ever did'

He turned around 'You mentioned that the old offices are still intact. Are they still free?' he asked.

She raised her brows 'Yes they are, do you want to use them?'

'It would be helpful in my research' he rejoined, the dryness gone from his voice.

She didn't think about it at all. She reached down at her key chain and took out a small key. She walked over to him and gazed at his dark eyes 'Show me your palm' she used the same sentence he had used about the steak last night.

He raised his brow and pursed his lips, but did open his hand. She slapped the key in it 'You are free to use it, as you are free to use anything else in this room' she said.

'Won't you need to check in with your Headmistress?' he asked.

She shook her head 'This is _my_ domain, not hers'

He raised his brow 'Very well' he said and placed the key right next to him.

'I will be going now professor, take care to rest a bit' she said carefully.

'Miss Granger, honour someone else with your presence. I think I had a dangerous overload of ...you...for one day' he said not turning around, but even though the words were harsh, something in that tone told her that they were not meant to be taken that way.

So before closing the door she spoke to him 'You haven't lost it you know...Not one bit' and without waiting for an answer she closed the door behind her. She looked at the floor and offered it a timid smile. Then she looked at the corridor and scowled.

Interesting days were coming up ahead.

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	20. Chapter 20

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Severus placed the bottle down and winced. The pain on his legs and hips was much more prominent now and even though his strength was improving day by day he still needed a lot of rest. He looked up from the cauldron. He had no idea what time it was. He checked around for a clock and located it on the wall across him. It was twelve at midnight.

 _ah well..._

Considering that he had been working on his medication since this morning, the state of his legs was in a good condition. He picked up the scoop and stirred slowly counterclockwise. He had undone the potion down to its final ingredient and he was remaking it upon different basis. He knew how to make it work faster and better on his heart and for the first time in seven years he had the facilities to work on it. Of course they were in Hogwarts, the very place that he wanted to avoid and he was surrounded by people he didn't want to see or talk to, but at least he had a place to work and sleep in. Even though his heart commanded him to leave, his logic ordered him to remain and take advantage of this rare opportunity to heal himself. What he would do when that was achieved? He had no idea, but at least now he had a possible future. He was not just waiting to die and that freedom had given him a new spark.

He looked up again and frowned. He was sweating and he was also starting to develop a mild migraine, most probably due to lack of sleep. He was still rather ill and he was not really giving his body the chance to heal properly, but he opted for speed instead. He was not going to lay in his bed sleeping away valuable hours and days, when he could instead work on his medication. Of course he could have left the potion making to the current Professor of Potions. She was more than able to do it, if he gave her the proper instructions, but he wanted to put his personal touch on it. He wondered if that had to do with mistrusting Granger and her skills, or if it had to do with more egotistical reasons. Like facilitating himself inside an environment that was so homey to him. The unsurpassed feeling of working on a new potion in his own laboratories. Not fearing that someone would throw him out the next moment or that they would come to snatch his cauldron, empty the contents and order him out of the room.

He drew a deep breath...he supposed that the second reason was more possible. He stopped his stirring and looked at the pinkish liquid bubbling away calmly. He turned to the working bench and started chopping up a hard fluxweed root. His hands worked quickly and deftly upon the plant. A skill he had acquired with years of training and that apparently the years of abstinence were unable to erase. He finished his work and he threw the pieces in the cauldron. He took out his wand and charmed the spoon to stir fifty time counter clock wise, thus giving himself the chance to take a small breather. He looked back towards the counter. The key to his old offices still stood there. Exactly where he left it two days ago when Granger escorted him down here. He hadn't used it yet, for he made sure to return to his own rooms after a full days work and that is what he intended to do this night also.

 _well not quite yet..._ he rubbed his sweaty forehead and pulled his hair back on a ponytail. He pushed the last strands out of his eyes and looked at the key. Might as well go have a look right? No one would bother and Granger clearly told him that he was free to use them. He watered his lips and took the key. He headed for the door that was adjoining the classroom on the left. That used to be his domain once upon a long long time. Small and circular. Consisting of walls upon walls and floor to ceiling books and potion bottles with rare ingredients. Two easy chairs facing each other and in the middle a round table always heavy with articles and scattered books. He turned the key upon the keyhole and remained with his head low for a couple of moments.

 _no need to feel this way..._ was there? He turned the handle and opened the door. He winced and felt the felt the closeted air escaping the room. He coughed slightly and squinted his eyes. Total darkness.

He waved his hand and the torches and candles came to life. And as they did, his eyes watered dangerously. He let go of the door handle and entered the room looking around him bemused. His old domain. The place where he spent most of his days and nights. Sleeping upright in that easy chair or head down upon the table. Waiting for his forearm tattoo to burn and call him to his dangerous duties. The place where he spent endless nights crying about Lilly and his unfulfilled love to her. Where he read the devastating news about Riddle's return on the newspapers and he looked behind his shoulder for the call that was to come. The little space that belonged to him, were he had gathered all his knowledge and where he has sheltered all his fears. The only place in the world were he could escape...the world.

He drew a deep breath as he reached the small round table. Still scattered with papers. He picked up one at random. An examination paper of the NEWT exams. Probably abandoned there when he had left his office for the last time to go meet his doom. He placed it down and stirred no dust. His old cleaning charms still held strong. The room may have been abandoned for seven years but it was spotless clean. He walked around and caressed the back of his easy chair. He had missed this place. The sense of safety he felt in there was not to be matched with anything else. He snaked around it and sat down without too much thought. As soft as he remembered and as enveloping upon his body as he had wished.

 _I am home again..._

He tried to push that awkward thought away from his mind. The migraine was getting heavier and the sudden release of pressure from his tired legs was a blessing for him. He leaned over and started cleaning up the old articles and papers. Slowly picking them up, reviewing their contents and tearing them up or stacking them upon a pile. He didn't think about the time, nor did he understand how tired he had grown or how red his eyes were. He just felt the migraine getting worst and his eyes stinging from the lack of sleep. However long it took him he managed to clean up the table and to have one pile of garbage on his left and one pile of useful articles on his right. He reached up and took off his glasses rubbing the bridge of his nose. The yawn that came was instinctive and he didn't try to stop it. He placed his glasses upon the table and leaned his head back to the chair. The only thoughts occupying his mind were blurry images of old. He sat there with his eyes closed and his mind playing over and over long forgotten stories. Stories that seemed out of another lifetime, that belonged to another man altogether. Without too much understanding of how it happened, or how long it took him, he fell asleep. Right there, in his old easy chair, as he had done so many times years before.

What woke him up two hours later was a female voice that sounded sleepy itself calling at him from the entrance of his study 'Professor, what are you doing here?'

He opened his eyes that suffered under the dim light of the candles and turned around. Of course, the recent bane of his life was there standing by the door looking at him.

'I think it is quite obvious Miss. Granger. I _was_ sleeping' he said not able to keep the bark out of his voice.

'That is not what I mean. I mean what are you doing here at _this_ hour' she said.

He rubbed on his eyes and face trying to wake himself up 'Am I bothering you?' he barked not looking at her.

'No, of course not' she replied.

'They why are _you_ bothering me?' he asked still keeping his eyes behind his hands. He had the fear that if he removed them, then his headache would blow his mind apart.

'Ah well, I am so so sorry then' she snapped back at him.

Something that made him frown and lower his hands. He gazed at her.

'I don't have to remind you Professor that this is _my_ classroom and I have the right to work in it also. As is, I didn't mean to bother you and I am leaving. Good night!' she bit and she turned around. Her frame stiff and upright.

He wanted her to leave. He wanted to be left alone, but something in that tone of hers told him that she had been hurt by his brutal manner.

 _so what's new?..._ he looked at her retreating quickly towards the door.

Maybe the fact that she was the one that had brought him back? Her voice was the only voice that broke through his frozen void and that made him a tad more lenient towards her. It was as if at times he couldn't even control his responses. Something that happened again. Like in the covered bridge he was the one that called her back.

'Miss Granger' he called. His voice husky from the sleep, but as commanding as ever.

It managed to stop her the moment she was placing her hand upon the handle. He pushed himself upright and felt his body painful on all sides. Sleeping on the easy chair had never been a really good idea, back then either, but now that age was starting to catch up with him it seemed even less attractive. He rubbed his neck and his hand touched the old scar tissue. As he walked in the classroom he buttoned the shirt up tightly. Not only did he not want to touch it, not only did he not want to see it and remember. He didn't want others to see it either.

'Forgive my uncultivated manner a moment ago. I was fresh from sleep and my waking was not good. Remain if you so wish' he said trying to understand how in the name of Merlin he always managed to sound so inattentive.

She drew her hand from the door and looked at him warily. And then as if deciding she spoke 'I am really sorry professor. Didn't mean to scare you but I also didn't think I'd find you here this late' she said.

'I thought I had free time limit' he said unfreezing the cauldron and resuming on his work. His thanked the Gods that he had placed a permanent freezing charm upon it ,so whenever a task was done it froze up automatically. It was something that could destroy certain ingredients though, so he couldn't depend on it solely.

'Of course you do' she said and approached him looking over at the cauldron 'The new potion, right?' she asked.

He nodded and leaned his hand upon the edge of the table taking some weight off his legs. He really needed a warm bath and a good night's rest.

'How is it tagging along?' she asked.

'Very well' he said and looked at her sideways. She looked rather tired also and she was dressed with a long cloak above her casual muggle clothing. He leaned back a little and looked at her feet. She wore sleepers on her naked feet.

 _how unoriginal..._ but he had to refrain from smirking at her whole image. When his eyes returned to her face though, he clouded. She really seemed troubled again.

 _again indeed..._ and he wondered idly if all those times that he had seen her or heard her cry were all to be blamed upon that man he saw at her apartments. He raised his eyebrows deciding that none of all this was his problem.

'I have a tendency to appear barefoot to you once too many times haven't I?' she said. He looked at her. She was observing her own feet.

 _you have a tendency to appear before me all the time albeit dressage..._ he thought, but he decided against voicing it.

'Don't worry Miss Granger. I am not your professor anymore so I cannot deduct points for inappropriate dressage' he replied messing about above his cauldron.

She smiled but he missed it 'I talked to Poppy about that steak of yours Professor. I think she considers it a bad idea' she said.

'She floored you, then?' he asked unable to hide the upturn of his lip. Feeling uneasy by the way that this woman managed to draw the half smiles out of him.

'And then some, but I don't intend to let this slip by me' she said with a more vibrant tone. The more they talked the more she seemed to get a grip on the foul mood she was in when he first saw her. Why he cared was another thing that needed attention, but he had no time to turn on it now.

'What do you intend to do, cook for me yourself?' he jested.

No answer from the other side. He looked up and withdrew some hair from his cheeks. She was looking towards the table surface and biting her lip.

 _dear Gods she is considering it as an option..._

'What do you intend to do? Kill me girl?' he asked but he didn't sound serious and he knew it. He ...couldn't manage the serious note in his tone. Just looking at her standing there with her bare feet again biting on her lip, had a non serious effect on him.

'From the moment I saw you, I intended the exact opposite professor' she said looking up at him and her eyes were honest and clean. Something inside him snapped. He gulped down a whole bout of sudden unease and he turned towards his cauldron again. Of course she had. She had always ...kind off...looked after him hadn't she? And he wasn't feeling very easy about it.

'If you care so much about my health then, _forget_ cooking. And _then_ forget _cooking me_ steaks.' he said a little too dryly. Needing to balance the momentary lapse of control upon his thoughts.

'What did you eat today?' she asked.

He looked at her sideways 'Usual...' _shit..._ he wanted to say, but he refrained '...tasteless chicken and something resembling rice, but could have been maggots if you wanted to test the limits of your imagination'

'At least you ate it right?' she asked.

He didn't answer. He ate some chicken but that was it. He understood where she was coming from. He was weak and he needed to build up on his own strength in order to get better. Certainly _not_ eating was not helping him achieve that particular goal. Granger had a point. But steak? His mouth watered even at the thought of it. He gulped down the saliva that had gathered there.

He didn't answer of course.

'Did you eat anything?' she asked again.

'I honoured the chicken, but that is about it' he replied.

'You are weak professor, you need proper nutrition' she said.

He glared at her intensively. There was the concerned look again. Making him feel ...weird...

'And you need to let me finish my work' he said straightening up and turning fully towards her.

She buttoned up immediately

'Tell me then Miss Granger, what are _you_ doing up this late at night?' he asked.

 _why aren't you home with your man?_

She raised her hand and rubbed on her forehead 'I had...uhm...trouble sleeping' she said.

 _As you had trouble remaining at the graduation dance?_

'So you decided to drown your ...insomnia in potion bottles?' he asked.

She smiled 'You can say that. When I have trouble _sleeping_ I I usually come down here and work. Helps me clean up my thoughts' she said.

He raised his brow 'Granger, you are no fun' he said and turned around and walked towards the offices.

'What?' she asked. He could hear the surprise in her voice. He picked up his jacket and came towards her again.

'No innovation girl' he said again.

'What do you mean?' she asked.

'Work won't solve your problems' he said and put on his jacket 'Been there' he added more to himself than to anyone else.

'What do you suggest I do then?' she asked looking at him with those wide brown eyes. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

'You have two options. First you can face your issues and solve them. That might save you a lot of aggravation and second you can drown yourself in a bottle of fire-whiskey. Both will work better than what you are currently doing' he said.

She gave off a laugh that rang crystal clear inside the room 'I think I'll prefer the fire-whiskey' she said covering up her mirth.

'Very wise choice Miss Granger. As is, I see no fire-whiskey for you here, so I suggest you go back to your rooms' he pointed out.

He saw her biting her lip again as if trying to decide on something. Then she shook her head 'How are you old offices? I see you made full use of them already?' she asked bringing the conversation back to more sallow waters.

He wondered idly what she was about to say to him and refrained from doing so 'Same as I remembered them. Thank Gods you were prudent enough not to mess with them' he said.

'No one would have dared touch them Professor' she said solemnly.

He tilted his head 'Why is that?' he asked suddenly getting as serious as she was.

'We wanted to honour your loss' she said piercing him with her blazing eyes.

 _Honour my loss ..._ The same people that deemed him a traitor so easily.

'That's quite hypocritical don't you think, Miss Granger?' he asked, the venom of Nagini all too fresh on his neck at that moment.

'Hypocritical?' she asked taken aback.

'Honouring my death, whilst in life I was called a traitor behind my back. Always the one to be blamed for the wrongs in our world wasn't I? Easy to honour someone who is ... _dead_ Miss Granger. It's the living that you have trouble judging correctly, not the dead' he said and he felt the venom this time being spat from his own mouth. The worst of all was that it was being dropped upon the wrong person. She wasn't the one that should be listening to this.

'Professor, I never blamed you' she said withdrawing more into herself, looking hurt.

He drew a deep breath 'Not your Miss Granger, but it is _you_ I am talking to right now' he rejoined.

She lowered her head and looked at her slippers. Looking so young and unspoiled. After a few moments she rose her head and looked at him 'I am sorry Professor. I am sorry for what we _all_ did to you. About all those years' she said with blunt honesty.

The same snap inside him, this time doubled up. He felt his back shuddering. One decent apology. Maybe the _only_ decent apology in his life _ever_. He never had honesty around him, not even from Albus. The old man had used him to win Voldemort. Neither in the innocent face of Lily, the woman he adored. But this girl, standing right there in front of him, with her muggle clothes half hidden under her overlarge robes bespoke the truth and her honesty touched him. Perhaps a little more deeply than she had intended.

'Do you burden yourself with a forgiveness that _others_ should have offered long before? Don't do that Miss Granger. I don't require it off of you' he said sounding measured.

'Am I not entitled to offer it for them? I used to belong to them once upon a dark time' she said not taking her eyes from him.

'The right is yours by all means, but the burden does not belong to you. It belongs to _them'_ he said keeping his eyes on her likewise, getting drawn inside them slowly. He felt his heart contracting, but not in the usual pain. His headache had gotten far worse and the emotional demand of this conversation was a little bit too much. He needed to sit somewhere, all else he would collapse. Not from his heart this time, but from fatigue.

'Cannot my apology be accepted for them also?' she asked innocently.

He smirked then and was unable to stop it 'No, it cannot Miss Granger. You are just a child, and I am old, tired and I need to sit down' he said looking around him.

'Are you alright?' she asked obviously alarmed.

'I need to rest' he said and looked towards the counter 'Can you fetch me a glass of water?' he asked.

She nodded and left him reluctantly in order fill him a glass. He steadied himself upon the counter and closed his eyes. His head was swirling. He felt a soft hand touching his. He opened his eyes and just as he was about to call her not to touch him, she removed her hand and replaced it with a cold glass of water. He brought it to his lips and drank hungrily. The water run down his throat invigorating him, but not making his fatigue any less.

'Thank you' he said and looked towards his cauldron.

'You don't intend to continue working in this state now do you?' she asked.

He shook his head 'I cannot freeze it until I add the snake fangs' he said. The freezing charm would mess up the mixture.

'How much?' she asked.

'Four fangs crushed and powdered down' he said looking at her with a growing scowl. What was she suggesting? That she should help him?

'And then freeze the mix?' she asked.

'You have to stir it clockwise eighty times and lower the heat until you see the mix turning a bright pink colour. Then let it simmer for two hours and only _then_ can the potion be frozen safely' he said trying to figure out her motives. No one helped him just because he deserved it. No one.

 _But she has already done that hasn't she?..._ he gulped again and waited.

'Alright, got it professor. I'll take it from here, you can go and rest' she said.

'No, I cannot let you do that' he said.

'Why? Don't you think I am able? I am Potions Professor in one of the most prestigious schools of magic. What is this? Classroom leftovers from when I was still your student? A student you always thought as brilliant, but never admitted to it, might I add?' she asked.

He was frozen over. Felt tackled down.

She smiled then 'I am only joking Professor, but I _can_ cope, don't you think? It's not a big task until I can freeze it for you and you can safely return to it rested in the morning' she said and looked at him innocuously.

'It's not a big task? That is at least three hours worth of work here Miss Granger' he pointed out.

'Have nothing better to do' she rejoined.

'At two in the morning?' he commented raising his brow.

'I am awake now aren't I? Might as well utilise my insomnia' she said.

'Why don't you utilise your time for yourself?' he asked.

She paused and smiled widely then 'I prefer to do it for someone who is worth it' she said.

He raised both his brows and looked at her closely. Another tackle. Quick and unforeseen. She was confusing him and that felt foreign.

 _what is this woman up to...?..._

'Very well then Miss Granger. If you can I'd deeply appreciate your help' he said controlled as always. Not really knowing how to intelligently answer what she had just told him. It wasn't as if he was used to people telling him that he was _worth_ their time...

'Of course I can, and you should move towards your apartments. You are overdue for bed I think' she said. He let go of the table and straightened. He wanted to laugh at the motherly way she was talking to him. All proper and caring. So strange and foreign to his skin.

 _save it for someone who is worth it..._ he thought, forgetting what she had told him a moment ago.

'You are half my age, you sound ridiculous' he said taking two steps towards the door and that is when he felt his legs collapsing under him. He kneeled down heavily and before he knew it two arms were enveloped around his shoulders helping him up. He didn't even think about telling her not to touch him this time.

'Professor, we are trying hard to help you. _Help_ us so we can _help_ you!' she said as he stood up, not removing her arms.

'How am I supposed to do that Miss Granger?' he asked feeling weak.

'Sleep Professor and eat' she said succinctly.

He huffed and started walking again. That is when her arm stopped him. He turned around reluctantly.

'Can I offer you my assistance back to your chambers?' she asked.

'I am not an invalid Miss Granger. Don't treat me as such' he said buttoning up. He felt as exposed as he could get.

'I need to pick up some ingredients for a personal project and they are back in my apartments. Can I at least join you?' she asked.

One side of his lips upturned to a mocking smile. His brow rose and his egotism kicked in sturdily. At the same time he couldn't but admire the quick way she changed the proposition to him. Making it more subtle in order to be accepted. He had to admit that she hasn't lost her brilliancy all these years.

'I do not need a chaperone Miss Granger I assure you and I am quite certain that you can manage a walk to your apartments alone. So please spare me your persistent nature' he said.

He saw her smirking instead of getting angry at him and he wondered where exactly he went wrong in delivering this.

She raised her hand to him 'Keep that acerbic tone at bay Professor. I am not your student anymore. Now can I please join you or do I have to use other means to _force_ myself upon you?' she asked.

'Other means? What are you going to do, read to me again?'. He hadn't been fast enough to stop it and the moment he said it, the same moment he regretted it. He looked at her.

She withdrew her hand from the table and raised her brows. He saw her buttoning up, closing up in front of him and one more time he regretted those last mean words. He had been so used in talking offensively to people. In forcing them to keep their distance from him in that manner, but this time instead of feeling satisfied, he was feeling quite guilty.

This woman and her books had saved him. Nothing less than that and his comment to her was not only cruel, but also very unfair. He got ready to speak, to somehow take it back, but she spoke before him.

'Had I known that you were listening Professor and moreover that I was bothering you, I would have never taken such an initiative in the first place. I acted on instinct. Books help me relax. They put my mind at ease. I thought they might help you do the same when you were in that coma. I am so sorry for being such a bother on you' she sounded deeply hurt.

His lungs felt constricted. He opened his mouth and drew in breath 'Forgive me Miss Granger. You didn't deserve that' he said trying to sound honest. He had no idea how it came out.

She raised her eyes, but didn't look at him as she spoke next 'Don't worry I am used to... _you'_

 _ok fair enough..._ he deserved that comment for being a total jackass.

He took a look around the room. Well, he had to make up for his cruel remarks on someone who had done nothing less than help him since he returned. He nodded more at his own thoughts than to her.

'Very well then, lead on' he said pointing elegantly in front of him. He sounded and felt tired. This conversation demanded more out of him that he was able to give.

That is when she raised her brown eyes to him and he saw that they were bright. She smiled sweetly at him.

 _how can anyone smile this way to me?..._

'Did you decide to escort me then?' she asked.

 _don't push it..._

'No, you decided that I need a chaperone' he rejoined.

'And you accepted so easily? what happened to you Professor?' she asked.

He looked up and raised his brow. With a whole lot of imagination he _could_ see her playing with him. But that couldn't be. No one in their right mind was silly enough to _dare_ jest with him.

'Don't push past my weakly balanced sense of fairness Miss Granger. It's going to tip over and fall on your head. Now are you coming?' he asked and moved towards the door without looking back. He heard her quick steps behind him and they walked calmly towards their chambers.

She was asking questions about the potion and he was clinically replying. Not really thinking about the potion. Just trying to swallow the fact that he had left her touch him so easily and that she had jested with him so casually. How he acted on instinct with her a couple of times and all that made him very skeptical.

Because...well, because he _never ever_ acted on instinct. And his reactions needed a lot of thought. Which was something that he was unable to do at that moment. When she bid him goodnight he barely had the strength to shed off his clothes and when he fell into the bed, it took him less than a minute to pass out from fatigue. The last thought in his mind...peculiarly...was ...his former student...

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	21. Chapter 21

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Hermione sat there munching her biscuit, overviewing the valley. Minerva's voice broke through her reverie 'He is talking to you while he refuses to communicate with anyone else' she said.

 _yes I know..._

'I don't think he realises that as bluntly as you put it' she replied turning around. She had been awake since five in the morning, to talk with a pissed of Mark, that had lost his excursion to hogsmeade and then she attended Minerva's call in order to talk about Professor Snape. The Headmistress was trying to overload her with the responsibility of communicating with the Professor, but not as Hermione was doing it right now, out of pure concern. Minerva was talking about official transactions and Hermione was not willing to take over that task. They had been going back and forth this whole time and her head was growing a heavy headache. She had to remember to pass from the laboratories in order pick up some potion for her head.

 _And check on him_..she thought.

She left him yesterday at two in the morning at his apartments and he was very tired. She assumed that upon waking up he went to the laboratories again in order to check on his potion.

'It doesn't really matter what he realises. What matters is that there someone able to communicate with him' Minerva pointed out.

'Yes, but on a very basic level' she replied turning around.

'That's all we need for now' the old witch said.

'You are not asking me to talk to him about his potions, or food nor rest. You are want me to talk to him about his exile and his unwanted return to society. Things that he doesn't want to talk about. You want me to raise painful conversations that involve the war, something that he has been clearly trying to avoid for seven years. You are asking me to bring forth his nemesis and for me to become his enemy. I don't want to do that' Hermione rubbed on her forehead.

'Someone has to make the attempt to discuss with him what matters most. There is a line of people waiting to talk to him and another much bigger line of journalists outside the doors waiting to see him. He cannot escape his fame nor his name. He is here now and he has to face us. Someone has to remind him of it. Do you think I am mistaken to remind him of reality?' Minerva asked.

Hermione raised her eyes to the Headmistress 'Considering his past and the fact that he lived exposed for more than seventeen years to mortal danger. Considering that he spent seven more years of hiding and that he preferred to be dead instead of being found, I think he would deeply appreciate an offer of obscurity for the time being' she replied solemnly.

Minerva looked towards the ceiling.

'She is right' a heavier tone said from behind the desk.

Hermione looked up. It was the portrait of the Headmaster.

'Albus, you are of the same opinion then? That we shouldn't bother him?' Minerva asked.

The Headmaster looked at them above the brim of his glasses 'When Severus came to me, a scared youth, and begged me to save Lily, I didn't really believe him. When I finally did, I just took him for granted, but I never really offered him safety' he said.

'How can you say that Albus, he had been living inside the castle all these years' Minerva intervened.

'No real safety. He was torn between two worlds, moving information secretly from one to another. Hidden in the shadows he was the everlasting ghost. Always in danger of having his cover blown over, which automatically meant death for him. He was never truly appreciated in either of these worlds, which is kind off ironic. In one he was greatly feared and in our world he was never filly trusted. He was always the first to blame, the first to be scowled at. Severus learned to live this way, torn between worlds, never truly belonging. He was either isolated or feared and he turned towards himself for comfort. He became a hermit inside a world brimming with life and he continued to live this way all these years. You cannot expect a man that has sculpted his personality so roughly to be easily approached and ready for conversation Minerva. You know all this better than I do' the old wizard said.

When he finished silence covered the room. Hermione drew a deep breath and her eyes blinked. That's when she realised with growing discomfort that they were damp 'How can we expect a man that has lived through this hell and has known no other kind of life be open to any of us?' she murmured.

'What do you want me to do Albus? I am cornered on one side by the Ministry which is getting thin on it's patience and on the other hand my school is under siege. You cannot even go for a coffee in Hogsmeade without been rallied over by the reporters. How about the children and their parents. See all this?' she asked and pointed towards a pile that reached well above her head 'These are all letters from concerned parents that demand to know the truth about our guest. Parents that are considering not sending their children next year due to the publicity this thing has taken. What would you advise me to do? He needs to come forth at one point. He cannot hide forever. Not now that we know that he is alive, don't you see?' Minerva replied exasperated.

'He is far from ready to undertake such a task Minerva. You are asking too much from him. He remains here only in the hope of healing, which on one hand is positive, but doesn't establish us as invaluable to him. He is using us, in order to make a vanishing act again' Albus said thoughtfully.

'Are you suggesting that we do nothing then?' Minerva asked.

'For the time being I think that would be most advisable' Albus nodded.

'I agree' Hermione rejoined happy in the knowledge that at least one more person inside this school shared her point of view.

'And then what? let him leave, is that it?' Minerva enquired looking from one to the other.

A long pause ensued. Hermione decided to take the step forth 'Well...' she murmured. Both Headmasters looked at her. She raised her brow 'Well, why not?' she finally said.

Minerva rolled her eyes 'I cannot do that! The Ministry will have me for lunch. They will know it was me that opened the gates to him!' she exclaimed.

'Well, he could have simply blown them up like he did last time' Hermione added with a flick of her wrist. From the corner of her eyes she saw Albus smiling at her.

'I don't find any of this the least amusing I assure you...' she turned to the portrait 'Albus!' she snapped.

'I am being very serious Minerva. The boy needs to heal and he also needs to rest after almost twenty years of running. He must feel very confused at this new ability to stop. What we should do is let him have his breather, out of respect alone. I for one don't intend to impose myself to him again' Albus said shaking his head.

'Yes well, he made it quite clear that he didn't like you around him. The dark soot is still lingering there from when he burned your portrait and no one has been able to break that charm. Poppy is cursing the day she accepted to place your portrait next to his bed' Minerva said leaning back and closing her eyes.

'Yes and I learned my lesson. Maybe you should to. He has already blown up your front door' Albus retorted.

Hermione snickered and covered her mouth with her hand. Albus looked at her and smiled 'If he would just give me a chance to speak to him. I have a lot to tell him' Minerva said with closed eyes.

'Like what?' Albus asked.

Minerva opened her eyes and looked towards the void 'I am sorry?' she said with simplicity.

Hermione sobered up very quickly.

'We all have to say we are sorry' Albus said.

'But he is not ready to accept it yet' Hermione said trying to keep her voice even.

'What was that?' Minerva asked looking at her as if she had forgotten her presence.

'I said, he is not ready to accept our apology yet' she rejoined.

'How can you know?' Minerva asked.

Albus thrust his chin forth and scrutinised her.

'Because I offered it to him' she murmured.

'When?' that was Minerva.

'Does it matter?... could have been yesterday' she replied.

'How did the opportunity arose?' the old witch enquired walking slowly towards her.

'I really don't remember. One of our talks took the right turn and I said it' she replied.

'And of course he denied it, what did you expect him Minerva?' Albus said.

Minerva passed her hands from her hair 'I suppose you are right' she said.

'He has been betrayed by all of us near his death. When he died no one went to look for him. He is justified to deny us forgiveness indefinitely' Albus said solemnly.

That is when a loud noise caught their attentions. The door opened heavily and in came an uncalled Potter. Fuming smoke from his ears and Hermione could have sworn his nostrils.

'Mr. Potter!' Minerva straightened 'What are you doing here and without knocking upon my door!' she bellowed pointing towards the aforementioned item.

'I am here as an official Ministry representative Headmistress' he said pausing in front of the desk. Not even noticing his best friend was looking at him wide eyed.

'No official business of the Ministry except WAR justifies you coming in my offices without knocking or even coming in this school without forewarning Mr. Potter!' Minerva said haughtily.

She could see Harry fuming, but to do him justice when Minerva took the offensive he did try to change the flow of the river. He buttoned up and became official. Too official for Hermione's tastes.

'Forgive me Headmistress McGonagall. My reaction a few moments ago was not very well thought, but I have reasons for doing so' he said.

Minerva weighed him with cold eyes for a couple of seconds. After a long pause she finally spoke 'To hell with your reasons Mr. Potter. You are rude. Rude I say!'

Harry suddenly broke. His shoulders slouched and his frame seemed to come undone. He passed his hand from his unkempt hair and watered his lips 'I am truly sorry Headmistress. I didn't think very clearly before attempting to see you' he said.

That is when the door opened behind him and Mr. Filch the caretaker barged in. When he saw all the attendants he stopped and took of his hat 'I am sorry Headmistress but I was trying to catch up with him...he was unstoppable' he said in a regretful tone and looked towards the ground.

'Yes thank you Mr. Filch. We shall discuss the wards later, for the time being you are excused' she said with clear dismissal and it was obvious that the squib was going to hear a lot later. Hermione would have taken a moment to feel sorry for him, if it weren't for the fact that Harry was glaring at her.

 _what the hell is he up to?_...she thought and kept her eyes at him also.

She could feel the distress he was in and she knew why he was so, she just hoped that he would be wise enough not to discuss it right there with Minerva present. She kept her eyes on him trying to stop him from saying something unwise, but it was pointless.

'Now Mr. Potter. You are totally inexcusable and I could summon Minister Shacklebolt right this minute to call you back and give you an unforgettable punishment, but I will reluctantly withdraw my claws from you. If for nothing else, just to honour the years you have been my student, but do not count on my lenience for long Mr. Potter. Tell me quickly why you have so rudely interrupted my appointment with Miss Granger and then be on your merry merry way out of my school' the Headmistress said composing herself.

'Merry...yes...' Harry snarled '...Headmistress, Miss Granger and her new acquaintances is the reason why I am here' he said.

 _Oh no you bloody idiot_...Hermione felt anger seething inside her. Harry had just stepped from her side and had come head to head with her. She was neither ready nor willing to give him what he wanted, not this way. Her brows knitted and soon a very deep scowl covered her forehead. Harry seemed not to notice...

'Acquaintances? What do you mean?' Minerva asked looking briefly at Hermione.

'I had politely required to be informed the moment that Professor Snape was able to communicate' Harry said.

'And you had been informed' Minerva nodded.

'Yes, but you told me he was unwilling to communicate with anyone' Harry said 'and therefore unwilling to speak to me'

'And he is' Minerva nodded again not really understanding where this was going.

'Then how may I ask he went from unwilling to speak, to speaking with Miss Granger more than once?' Harry asked.

Minerva raised her brows and leaned back 'That's not my place to say. That's between them' she said with simplicity.

Hermione almost smiled at that but Harry stopped her 'Very well, as I find it impossible to communicate with anyone in here I need you to order Miss Granger to conduct me herself in the presence of the Professor' he said.

 _what?_

Minerva played with her glasses 'In what suit will you order me to do that Mr. Potter?' she asked loftily.

'As an Auror' he replied.

'Does Miss Granger's communication with the Professor cause an issue of safety within the magical world?' she asked

'He is a former Death Eater' Harry said.

Minerva leaned to her desk and shook her head 'You are stirring up known facts Mr. Potter. As of now is he accused of anything by the Ministry?' she asked.

Harry buttoned up 'No' he said half heartedly.

'Mr. Potter, had you been more sincere in your ways I might have even considered playing the middle woman in all this. As you are acting now I leaning on throwing you out of the door and locking it behind you. What kind of attitude is this and who do you think you are?' she asked

'Headmistress...' Harry begun his voice obviously much less demanding now that he had come face to face with the iron fist of this illustrious witch.

'Mr. Potter save it. Your role as an Auror is not required in this case. Does the Ministry even know that you have come here to order us around?' she asked.

'Minister Shacklebolt is very impatient to talk to the Professor himself, yes' Harry said gaining some of his composure back.

'Does he approve of your ways of approaching us?' Minerva insisted.

Harry winced visibly and didn't speak.

Hermione decided to step in, barely able to control her current temper that was barely controlled under a cold exterior 'Harry may I speak to you in person?' she said

He looked at her 'Mr. Potter?!' Minerva commanded.

He turned to the Headmistress 'No the Minister doesn't know what I have done today' he finally said.

Minerva rose and her brows knitted ominously 'Then get the hell out of my office, don't dare come in again without knocking and consider yourself lucky that I am not reporting you to the Ministry right now, or that I am not going to renew the wards to keep you out of this place. I will count on your fairness as a former Gryffindor and on Professor Granger's logic to put you back in shape, and I leave it at that' she said in a commanding tone.

Harry remained looking at her. Hermione chimed in again much louder 'Harry, outside now' she said and grabbed his arm. She started moving towards the door. He resisted at first, but soon followed.

When they exited the winding staircase and the eagle closed up the doorway behind them, Hermione felt her temper flaring up so badly that she barely contained herself from striking him full across the face.

'What the fuck do you think you are doing ordering me around inside my domain?!' she demanded placing her hands upon her waist.

Harry closed his eyes and placed his hands upon his forehead 'Hermione, you don't understand' he murmured not looking at her.

'Like hell I don't. Whatever your reasons Harry your attitude is inexcusable. Does Ginny know that you are here wasting our time and missing on time with your children?' she asked, her voice barely contained.

'This man, this man you are so casually talking to Hermione upon bridges about Thestrals is a man that carries valuable information about my mother. He carries valuable information about all of our past. Don't you understand that I need to talk to him' Harry said.

Hermione's eyes widened and she felt multiple shivers passing down her spine.

 _have you been following me around?_...she bared her teeth to him and hissed 'How do you know all this?'

Harry stopped and looked at her suddenly realising that he had probably made a very serious mistake 'Hermione look...' he started attempting to touch her arm.

She slapped him hard on the hand 'Keep your filthy hands away from me. What are you doing Harry following me around? What the hell are you doing?' she asked.

'Hermione I need to speak to him...' Harry said tiredly rubbing his hand. He looked hurt, but she didn't care.

'Who cares what you need Harry? Why does everything have to revolve around you, tell me that? Other people's feelings and needs matter too! Don't wrongly assume that we all go around doing things with you in mind, get over yourself!' she shouted. Unable anymore to contain her anger.

'Listen please, I never...' Harry begun.

'Do us all a favour Harry Potter and fuck off! Get the hell out of here before I hex you to hell, but not back! I am really mad at you right now and you'd better be clever and shut your fucking mouth in front of me...and oh, don't you dare look at me like that!. After what you did today you are lucky I am still willing to debate the possibility to keep you as a friend in the near future' she barked and turned around. Not waiting for him to leave she left on her own.

'Hermione!' she heard the pained exclamation, but she was too hurt and too angry to bother.

How dare he? How dare he be the third person upon a personal conversation. How dare he intervene with his rude presence during her conversation with the Professor upon the covered bridge.

'Ugh!' she grumbled and walked quickly towards the castle kitchens. The more she thought about what he did, the madder she got with him. She wanted to talk to Minerva now to make sure she changed the wards in order to keep him out of the castle, but she rather doubted that he'd try approaching again after the belting he got from her just now.

 _And I was lenient_...

She finally reached the kitchens and opened the doors forcefully, bringing with her an air of menace that passed to the Elves. Everyone stopped working and all turned to look at her.

'I need two steaks' she snapped.

Elsie her own Elf run to the fridge opened it up and started searching inside it. Hermione crossed her arms in front of her chest and started walking up and down the corridor speaking to herself in low tones.

'Oh, I am going to make him regret it. How dare he...how dare he? Who does he think he is? Mighty Potter my ass...' she moved quickly towards the kitchen fireplace whilst Elsie was digging to get her order.

She turned to the mantelpiece and took a handful of powder. She threw it to the fire 'Infirmary' she said and immediately the head of Poppy appeared in the fire.

'What is it Hermione? Everything all right?' the Mediwitch asked.

'Can I give Professor Snape a steak?' she asked quickly.

'A steak?! Why hell Hermione the man suffers from a very serious heart condition' Poppy replied in clear shock.

'Which was not caused by blocked arteries Poppy, nor was it caused by a medical heart malfunction. It was caused by poison, which got removed' she replied in a hurry.

Poppy seemed thoughtful for a moment 'Yes that is true, but his heart is still weak and such a meal is going to burden it a lot' she said with caution.

'What if I grill it, not fry it and I use mashed potatoes with olive oil instead of french fries on the side?' she asked.

'Well, I could consider it if you magic all the fat out of it' Poppy replied.

Hermione nodded. That was all she needed 'I will, so do I get a green light?' she asked.

'Severus asked you for a steak? I don't know what I find more intimidating. That he wants to eat steak, or that he actually communicated what he needed with you' Poppy laughed lightly.

'It doesn't matter, now do I have a go?' she asked.

'Very cautiously I say yes, but tell the elves to cook it with care as I told you' Poppy instructed.

'I am going to cook it myself' Hermione rejoined.

Poppy opened her mouth as if to say something and then decided against it.

 _Better that way_...Hermione didn't think she could handle any inappropriate jokes about her and cooking. Mark was making enough of them already and she was not in a good mood to begin with.

'Alright thank you Poppy' she said with a forced smile. She was really not in the mood to smile at anyone.

'See you' Poppy replied and her image softly melted over the fire. Hermione looked above the mantlepiece and stroke her hand upon it 'Right!' she said and turned around only to see Elsie standing there with a large plate that had two T bone steaks on it.

'Thank you' she said and she quickly made it out of the kitchen.

All her anger got a point of relief as she had a purpose now. She was going to feed the Professor and she was not going to rest unless she made it happen. All that stressful morning she had with Minerva trying to talk her into becoming the middle-woman had overburdened her. Moreover her best friend ordering her and following her around was almost loathsome. She left the offices of Minerva in great need to strike someone, with the slightest of causes. Now walking quickly towards her rooms she had a purpose and all that negative energy found a sharp focusing point.

When she closed the doors of her rooms she was still pissed off, but not mad as hell. She huffed indignantly at her chambers and kicked off her shoes. One landed on the couch. She shed off her teaching robes and walked barefoot to the kitchen. She turned around and opened the oven. Then she looked at the stakes with a small drop of guilt as she magicked all the fat out of them.

Then she took them to the sink and cleaned them thoroughly, before placing them in the oven with a dripping pan underneath. She closed the oven door and turned around 'And now for the potatoes' she murmured.

She was searching to find them when she heard Mark speak 'Whom are you talking to?' he asked.

She yelped and straightened up quickly.

'What are you doing here?' she asked.

'I live here, remember?' he replied with a sly smile.

She forced a similar smile and resumed her search for potatoes 'I know that, I meant what are you doing in the castle instead of Hogsmeade?' she asked. Having found the wanted root she took five out and brought them to the sink to peel them.

'Nick had some business to attend to, but I will be meet him there in two hours or so' he replied looking at his pocket watch.

'Good' she murmured absentmindedly as she started peeling the potatoes carefully. That is when she felt a hand snaking around her waist. His lips landed upon her throat as the other hand moved towards her breast.

'I ate a hefty breakfast and I will eat supper with Nick in Hogsmeade, you don't have to cook anything for us' he said.

 _Hell._..she froze in place.

There were two steak in the oven. Naturally Mark assumed that she was cooking for them. She watered her lips and slowed up on the potatoes.

'Uhm, well I forgot you were going to eat out and I unfroze them, I might as well cook them and you can eat yours tomorrow' she replied carefully.

His hand moved on her nipple and the sock registered so negatively that she slapped his hand 'Not now! I am holding a bloody knife. What do you want me to do? Cut myself?' she chastised.

'So put the knife down and lets have a nice time. I still have a couple of hours to spare' he said trying to grope her again. She pushed him back and resumed her work on the potatoes again.

'Not now! I am really not in the mood' she said becoming serious. If nothing else could have bothered her current mood then sexual groping when she was pissed did the trick. She needed an ear to listen to her, not someone to pinch her damn nipple...

 _No hope of finding compassion by anyone this evening_...she thought bitterly.

'Oh come on, just a quickie. We haven't had sex for more than a week' he murmured near her ear.

She pushed him back again feeling her nerves tattering at the edges. She was just one step from turning around and yelling at him to keep away from her and she was also holding a freaking knife...

 _haha_...she inwardly rejoiced in that childish reaction.

She turned around and placed the pot upon the fire and she let the potatoes boil.

'I told you, I am not in the mood' she said again and moved towards the bedroom. She needed to take a shower and also a breather until those potatoes finished.

'What happened?' he asked.

She turned around in surprise. What was that? Was he going to forget all about sex and offer her the listening ear she so wanted?

'I had a difficult morning with Minerva and also Harry made another surprise appearance in her office' she said shedding her clothes and magicking the tub full of hot bubbly water and stepped into it...

'Why what happened?' he asked.

She looked at him ... _maybe he does want to listen to my problems_...she thought.

She closed her eyes and abandoning herself to the hot water, she started narrating her morning to him. She could also feel him washing her arms and back softly as she spoke. The more she described it the more she got pissed again. As she rambled on about Minerva and her friend Harry, Mark did two things that totally enraged her.

The first one was that he spoke 'Why did you get mad at Minerva?' he said and at the same time he started caressing her breasts.

She got out of the bath abruptly and splashed a lot of water on him 'HEY!' he exclaimed looking at his wet clothes.

She walked quickly into the bedroom and magicked the water and soap off of her. There went to waste a perfectly good opportunity to relax after a very stressful morning. She took out her clothes and started dressing nervously.

'What the hell happened to you?' he asked following her into the bedroom.

'There I was telling you why I have a headache right now and all you want to do is grope me. THAT'S what's the matter with me!' she was trembling from anger.

'And what do you want me to tell you? That is what I believe' Mark replied.

'That I should become the middle-woman in all this?' she asked.

'Maybe you should' he replied.

'Argh...I am not making myself clear to anyone I think today. So please let's leave it at that' she rejoined and move towards the living room.

'All right Hermione I will not try to grope you again. Do you want to talk about it?' he said sitting at the couch and inviting her next to him.

She looked at him briefly and then move to the kitchen to check on the potatoes. They were almost ready and so was the meat. All she wanted was to get a move on to the laboratories. She was sure she was going to find him there.

 _And Mark needs to get a move on to Hogsmeade_ she thought. She pointed towards the clock on the wall 'You told me that in two hours you had a meeting with your friend. One hour has passed already' she said.

He looked up and immediately got serious 'Oh, I really do need to go. And I need to change my clothes. Look what you did to me' he murmured more to himself than to her as he went to the bedroom to change.

She winced as she placed the boiled potatoes on a deep bowl and started stirring them up with olive oil, salt and freshly cut onion. The only thought in her mind at that moment was to fix the plates nicely so the Professor would accept to eat better. So she hardly heard Mark's insistent chatter as he cursed about his wet clothes, which was actually for the best.

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	22. Chapter 22

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Severus walked towards the laboratories trying to wake up. He had jumped out of bed when he regained consciousness from his heavy slumber last night, realising that he had abandoned his potion to the wills of the freezing spell, way too long. He found his clothes with half closed eyes and he darted into the corridor with a boot half off his foot and his messy hair all over his face. He managed to put that damn thing on by kicking it as he walked along.

His mind was still foggy from sleep and in vague remembrance of strange dreams that included the Thestrals. He walked confused in and out of reality all the way down to the laboratories, all the time wishing for a cup of coffee. Something that he didn't have a chance of drinking anytime soon. Not as long as Poppy was in charge of his meals.

After ten minutes of trying to avoid staff members in the corridors and being rather successful he turned to the laboratories corridor, and stopped short in front of the entrance, for he saw a rather expected sight...

Hermione Granger was above his cauldron occupying herself with some ingredients on his working table. Apparently this young witch had it in her mind _not_ to leave him alone. She had been there last night, she was here again this morning. She was with him all the time since he returned. Wherever he turned his head she was there and he still didn't know how to feel about it. He would have chosen bothered if these occurrences found him during another time in his life. But as it was, this moment, he really didn't know.

He let his eyes take the initiative and they deeply surprised him when they decided to roll down her figure and land on her feet, which were free of shoes one more time.

 _when is it exactly that you opt for shoes?..._ his mind wondered.

He looked up to her and had to actually physically force himself not to smile , but judging on the way her actions managed to twirl him around the happy side he rather doubted that this particular area would escape him for much longer. Amazing what a pair of shoe less toes and a whole tone of persistence could do wasn't it?

That last thought was enough to break him and his his lip upturned in a sly smile, which she was thankfully too busy to notice. He relished in the opportunity to muse over her attire unobserved as he was. She was wearing a pair of black tights and a long white shirt that was obviously way too large for her slim frame. She had her hair tucked up loosely in a bun on the top of her head. She was dressed surprisingly muggle, but he rather thought that it was a natural result to assume more professional attires when you landed a job here. The castle had a way to rub off on you somehow, but apparently this young woman had managed the exact opposite. He rather liked that she successfully bypassed the heavy norms of this place and had kept on her true identity. It wasn't far from what he himself had always done. Under all those heavy cloaks and robes he always donned a pair of simple black trousers and a shirt. One couldn't get more muggle than that.

He gathered his mind and with unforeseen difficulty he drew his eyes away from her figure. She was minding the cauldron unbothered by his silent presence. Her knife was sliding skilfully back and forth. He moved as silently as only he knew how into the room and approached her.

 _mushrooms..._ she was chopping on mushrooms, which meant that she was not messing with his own cauldron, but with a project of her own.

 _of course she does..._ he remembered how she told him yesterday that she wanted to pick up on some ingredients about a personal project. He thought back then that she had done it only in order to assist him back to his own rooms, but apparently that statement had an element of truth in it. So what was he supposed to do now? As man not easily brought in front of such a question he remained thoughtful weighing his choices. He really wanted to work on his potion and doing it unobserved was a fat chance as it seemed. So he really had no choice but to step up and speak up. Just as he was ready to call on her attention to the mushrooms that needed to be cut thinner he saw her raising her arm and wiping her face. A long drawn exhalation left her chest and it didn't seem free of worries. His brows slowly knitted together.

 _Maybe I should start counting the times I see you alright..._ he thought and kept his eyes upon her. She looked rather distressed this morning again and apparently in tears. He swallowed hard and pursed his lips.

 _well let's try to shape you up..._

'Don't mope around in misery above your ingredients and my cauldron, Miss Granger' he drawled placing his hands behind his back.

She yelped and turned around with her hand over her mouth. Truly taken aback by his sudden appearance she took a few minutes to get her composure back, but when she finally did, her words and body language took him by surprise 'I came down here intending to help your potion and you Professor, and I had a very rough morning so you'd better watch what you say to me!' she snapped at him rudely. He felt more surprised that she had this kind of retort in her than offended by her ways.

He walked calmly in front of her and pointed elegantly at the freshly chopped mushrooms 'Your tears are salty and slightly acidic. If they fall into any ingredient or the cauldron you might ruin your project and possibly mine also, so you should stop watering the area with your bodily fluids' he replied clinically 'Moreover when you chop up with a knife this long you'd better have a clear eyesight for the benefit of your appendages' he added with the same tone.

She looked under her at the wet mushrooms. It took her a moment to realise what he was telling her was valid. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply 'Of course you are right Professor' she said tiredly 'I'll clean them and get fresh ones' she said picking up the roots and heading for the disposal area.

'Make sure you clean the area thoroughly' he instructed with a slight trace of remorse in not offering to do the job for himself.

 _what a gentleman..._ he was anything but that and he knew it. So why was that so suddenly an important debate in his mind?

She barely nodded in response and he saw her knees buckling. All the roots fell in a pile of mess upon the floor as she kneeled down heavily with a moan of pain. His reaction was instinctive and not closely checked. He was next to her within seconds 'Are you alright Miss Granger?' he inquired. His hand reached out to her arm, but stilled frozen in place.

 _you are taking liberties not offered..._ he chastised himself and his fist closed tight as his hand drew back regretfully.

She raised her hand and rubbed her forehead one more time 'I am fine Professor, as I told you I had a rather difficult morning' she replied without looking at him.

'And do difficult morning's end up with you unable to walk?' he asked trying to sound softer even though he didn't know how to do it.

That is when she turned and looked at him. His scowled at the redness of her eyes, but what bothered him most were the heavy dark circles under them. She was apparently not sleeping well. 'I don't need you to be sarcastic with me, I have had enough good willers all day I assure you' she said in clear defence. He raised his brow unable to hide that her tone picked him.

'I assure you I was not being sarcastic Miss Granger, you look like hell' he retorted slowly not in any mood to joke with her in the least. Her condition mildly worried him.

'That's a compliment coming from you' she replied and tried to get up.

Another blow that he brushed off as he saw her making her try to stand on her feet. His hand went to her arm again and this time he was unable to stop himself from taking hold of her.

He remained stupidly frozen looking at his own long fingers clasped around her thin arm. She turned around sharply and looked at his hand likewise. For a brief moment he thought he was hurting her, but her lack of negative reaction told him that her surprise had not come from pain.

'Don't get snappish with me, Miss Granger. It doesn't suit you' he replied trying to break the uncomfortable silence between them and thanked Merlin that his tongue had been left intact through this unforeseen skirmish between them. His tone had done it's job also. She unglued her eyes from his hand and looked at him. Without waiting for any kind of response, he pulled her up. When she was on her feet he immediately removed his hand and walked over to the potions cabinet. He felt that he could steal some time from his own potion to do something more important.

'Thank you' he heard the soft voice he knew so well from his dreams, speaking behind him. Somehow when he was not looking at her, her voice sounded more familiar. As if her face eliminated the closeness he felt towards it when he had been in a coma.

'The standard headache potion doesn't perform sufficiently in migraines. They use only the basic ingredients with no extra additions, because it is much cheaper to produce. Lower the cost rate, add a whole lot of advertisement and what do you have? A product that is way too expensive for it's capacity' he started getting into his academic mode. It felt more comfortable that way.

'I know all that Professor' she replied.

He turned and looked at her. She was observing him as he picked up ingredients from the cupboards. He could have said, measuring him instead of observing him, if he was in a mood to sound funny, because no one ever _dared measure_ him.

'I think you'd better sit down Miss Granger unless you are in a hurry to repeat your last performance' he pointed out clinically and placed down the gathered ingredients right next to his cauldron. He then took the headache potion into his hands and looked at its saturation.

 _bloody amateurs..._ he thought idly.

'I won't collapse again Professor, I promise' she replied.

'Promises are made to be broken...' he murmured and suddenly froze lost in thought. He rolled the yellow headache potion bottle inside his palm to warm it up and swallowed hard.

 _did I speak that thought out loud?..._ he winced and looked up. Of course she was looking at him, but the intensity of her eyes made him uncomfortable.

'Miss Granger you are not made out of _glare_ material' he huffed indignantly, somehow wanting her eyes off of him.

The pause was long from the other side. She moved and sat upon the chair, deciding finally to take his advice. 'Want to teach me how to do it? You always specialised in that area' she asked carefully, seemingly not wanting to scare him away. Did he look like a wounded animal to her, he wondered.

He gazed at her coldly 'I cannot teach you how to be a bastard I am sorry' he replied curtly and then started crushing a batch of blueberries on a chopping board with the flat of his knife.

She laughed lightly 'Bout of self consciousness?' she sounded amused.

He huffed indignant 'Feel lucky to have witnessed one from me young lady' he replied. He took the crushed berries and emptied them in a clean glass. Then he uncorked a bottle of bouncing bulbs and caught two of them as they bounced out of it and upon the table surface.

'I feel lucky you are talking to me' she said suddenly taking him by complete surprise.

He placed the bulbs under the knife 'Cover your ears' he instructed and she quickly did so.

He crushed both bulbs and a small shriek was released from them. A sub product of the mandrake their scream was less poisonous to the ears, but it could still do a lot of damage. He felt slightly woozy and he breathed in deeply as he magicked the crushed bulbs into a purple liquid that he floated in the air and then landed on the mixing bottle.

'I will take a wild guess that not even a screaming mandrake can make your eyes water' she said with a smirk.

His lips upturned to a lopsided smile as he twirled the glass a couple of times to mix the ingredients 'If it is a rather mature mandrake it might hit a chord in me' he replied.

She chuckled and looked at her palms 'I meant what I said back then Professor. Thank you for talking to me' she said. He didn't intended to pursue that particular road, but apparently she did. He looked up as he picked up the valerian root and started shredding down to it's soft core.

'I barely have a choice...These are your offices now and I need them' he said.

She smiled 'I assure you Professor that I am here to assist you whether you be sociable with me or not' she replied carefully.

Apparently her mood had shifted around. He gazed at her steadily. Her face still looked tired and it bespoke of great need to rest and he was about to offer that to her. If only to repay her for what she had done when he had been in that coma. And she had done far more than a simple alteration of a headache potion. He chopped the clean root quickly making very skilful use of the large knife. Albeit the fact that he hadn't worked this trade in such a detail in more than seven years he hadn't forgotten any of his skills.

He emptied the chopped root into the mix and then took out his wand. Without answering to her very polite comment a few moments ago, but not taking it lightly at heart, he started performing a series of silent, but rather complex spells on the mixing bottle. The proper way would have been to brew it properly, but he didn't have the time for that. She needed to take it now.

The liquid succumbed his magic and changed to a transparent liquid that looked like thick water. He picked it up and looked at it through the light that was passing from the window. It's saturation was adequate. This was the best he could do for her, in such a short notice. He picked it and brought it to her 'Drink it' he ordered.

She looked at it carefully 'What is it?' she asked.

'Enhanced headache potion' he said curtly.

She looked at the glass and then at him. Trying to decide if he had intended to waste a good deed on her or if he was trying to poison her 'It's not going to kill you' he said offering the glass again to her.

The uncomfortable lack of motion was broken when she raised her hand and took the glass from him. She brought it to her lips and took a small sip 'Not a bad taste' she said and looked at him above the rim of the glass. He saw traces of playfulness in those eyes and that made him suddenly very nervous.

 _ah...Miss Granger...you are naughty..._

His lips curled up in a ghost of a smile 'Which is more than you have done for my potion' he replied calmly.

She finished the potion and placed it upon the table. She then closed her eyes and placed her hands upon her temples and rubbed them gently.

'Don't expect it to work right away. It will need a good half an hour' he said and without waiting for her answer he turned towards his own cauldron and unfroze it.

'I promise that next time I will brew you a better tasting potion' she said.

 _promises are made to be broken..._

He turned his attention to his ingredients 'I don't intend to get that sick again Miss Granger, so I'd say that you've used up all your chances' he said.

Another long pause made him look up from his chopping board.

She was busy looking at her hands. Upon sensing him she turned around and gazed at him. Her eyes were steady upon his and every ounce of previous playfulness was now gone 'You never know Professor...you never know' she murmured dreamily.

He suddenly wished she'd snap out of whatever mood had gotten over her, because it was making him rather annoyed. His eyes remained upon her as his brows knitted to a deep frown, which was enough to shake her out of this strange reverie. She closed her eyes and shook her head 'How are you this morning Professor?' she changed the subject.

'Better than you obviously' he harked and turned his attention to his work.

'You slept well then?' she asked.

 _surprisingly yes.._

'I rested adequately yes. I'd ask you the same if you didn't look so messed up. Your eyes are almost down to your chin so you are probably not sleeping at all...' he said not really knowing what had come over him. He was not just drawn into meaningless conversation with this girl, he was actually chasing after it.

'You have some dry sense of humour Professor, but I appreciate it...' she giggled gently.

'Why is that, Miss Granger?' he looked at her briefly.

'Because you are the first person all day, that made me want to break a smile' she rubbed her temples and gazed at him with those warm chocolate coloured eyes of hers.

'I intended quite the opposite I assure you' he replied dryly and turned to the bookcase to search for a batch of Murtlap tentacles. He was lying to her of course and he knew she was brilliant enough to sass it out. It was another thing making her feel better and a whole different thing admitting that he wanted to do it.

'No one was willing to give me a break today' she said her tone becoming heavier suddenly.

He found the batch and turned to her with knitted brows 'I am not willing either' he replied dryly.

'Do you want me to cut those tentacles for you?' she asked making a move to step down from her chair.

'No, I don't want you cutting yourself above my ingredients Miss Granger. I told you they are very sensitive to bodily fluids' he replied shaking his head.

The long pause across him made him raise his head to her rather unwillingly. She was looking at him intensely 'Uhm...' she bit on her bottom lip '...Have you eaten anything since yesterday?' she asked.

He took a deep silent breath 'I am not hungry Miss Granger' he replied and got busy with his work one more time. it seemed that whatever meaningful was to be said, had been said already for today. Now she was commencing the weather talk, and for _that_ he was really _not_ interested.

'You are not hungry for the usual Elven kitchen, but maybe you are hungry for something else' she said.

He looked at her again and a deep frown formed upon his forehead.

She walked around the table and towards his old offices. When she opened the door she beckoned him inside. He leaned back trying to discern what she had hidden for him in there. Something was upon his old desk, but it was difficult to make it out. His scowl deepened.

'Come see, I won't bite' she sounded inviting.

He looked at her. Her body was leaning upon the door frame quite relaxed. His eyes rolled downwards and landed upon her bare feet again. His brow rose testily to the ceiling.

'You'd better not be wasting my time' he said in a warning tone, but his lips were pressed in a mixture of interest and annoyance. He moved towards the offices wiping his hand absently upon his trousers. When he reached her he saw that the desk was occupied by two steaming hot dishes.

 _dishes?..._

He stopped at the entrance of the door totally bewildered. She must have sensed his confusion for she smiled widely at him 'I promise it's not chicken' she said with the same playful mood. Standing several inches shorter than him and totally vulnerable with those bare feet of hers she remained gazing steadily up at him.

'What have you done Miss Granger?' he inquired solemnly, avoiding very hard to look at her again.

She brushed by him leaving behind her scent and a rather moonstruck Severus that didn't know at which part he should be socked more about; The fact that she brought him a meal? The fact that she talked to him with what he could call traces of playfulness almost constantly? The fact that he responded, or simply the fact that he was suddenly interested in making out the ingredients of her perfume?

'I thought you were above and beyond stating of the obvious Professor. As it is, I will help you out. This is...dinner' she said uncovering the plates.

The smell of grilled meat travelled to him and immediately his body reacted accordingly. His taste buds watered and he had to swallow a couple of times to control himself. He took a couple of steps inside 'Don't take liberties which I have not offered Miss Granger, I beg you' he said wryly. The need to keep her in check was scarcely winning over the need to grab that steak and swallow it, bones and everything.

'I am sorry Professor. Now will you sit down? I have dinner for you and it is far tastier than what you've been eating' she replied

 _she went off and did it..._... She had actually done what she had told him the other day. He looked at her partly confused, partly in awe trying to understand her true motives. He was making no sense of _her_ at all.

'This is something that _could_ potentially _kill_ me' he pointed out wryly 'How could you have missed on that one Miss Granger?' he asked his eyes meticulously stuck upon the steaming plate.

'Not as such' she said carefully.

'What do you mean?' he glared at her.

'I magicked every ounce of fat out of both steaks' she smirked at him.

'Brilliant, Miss Granger...' he tightened his lips in disapproval '...You just destroyed a perfectly good piece of meat'

'I assure you it's far tastier than the food you had been eating up till now Professor. Want to take a sit?' she asked.

He looked behind him were she just brought up a chair. This whole scene was wrong. Every single iota. No matter his acerbic nature he felt very bothered to know that this should have been done the other way round. He scowled deeply at his own thoughts. This was not a dinner date though, he rationalised, so he didn't have to act like an asshole because of it. He sat quite reluctantly and threw her a backward glance of appreciation she missed 'Thank you' he said.

She walked around and sat in front of her own plate 'Aren't you going to eat too, Miss Granger or are both plates for me?' he asked when he saw her disinterested in her food.

Her smile reached her eyes 'The potion you gave me is starting to work Professor. At first I brought the second plate, because I thought it would be very uncomfortable for you to eat alone and for me to watch, but I was not really hungry. Νow that my headache is subsiding and my mood is a lot better I am really seeing this steak as rather..' she bit her lower lip. His eyes looked at that place '...attractive' she finished after a brief pause.

'Judging from the elven cooking I'd say you are overrating these dishes' he said pushing around the mashed potatoes that were on the side.

'The elves didn't cook this, I did' she replied quietly.

He looked up at her and he was certain that his mouth was hanging open. He pushed it closed and heard his teeth crack vocally.

 _what?..._

He tried hard to constitute an intelligent answer to that, but failed miserably.

'Please Professor don't make any rude comments about my cooking. Mark is doing that enough for everyone in the castle and I assure you I am not out to poison you' she replied quite timidly this time. His didn't know which version of her he preferred the most. The playful or the timid?

'Very well, Miss Granger I will refrain from entwining into meaningless conversation about your cooking skills, but may I ask if this Mark, is the man I met back at your apartments? I seem to remember that was his name, correct?' he asked.

'Yes charming man, isn't he?' she seemed unbothered by his rude question.

He brought the fork into his mouth and the moment the meat touched his tongue he wanted to close his eyes and moan out loud. This was delicious as hell...

'I am afraid that the other day I was in such a foul mood that I didn't introduce myself to your husband properly. It was not his fault I assure you, this castle... _does_ things to me' he said very careful not to overstep the barrier of the acceptable.

She coughed as the water took a wrong turn down her pipes 'Mark is not my husband _yet_ Professor' she replied.

'I see, forgive me' he replied and took a mouthful of potatoes.

'Although it may seem so since we are living together, so I understand your logical assumption' she added rather quickly.

'You were right' he said suddenly.

'What?' she seemed taken aback by that vague statement.

'I do feel uncomfortable eating when someone is just watching me' he rejoined and got busy with his food again. He needed them out of that path the conversation was taking as it was very uncomfortable for her and him likewise.

'Of course you are right, Professor' she said and began eating thankful that he stopped her excuses about Mark.

The whole meal passed in relative silence with scarce and always neutral conversation between chewing and drinking. Most topics left the dangerous paths and landed successfully on the easiest common subjects, teaching and potions. Those topics took them far into the end of their dinner and found them quite relaxed, with full stomachs observing thoughtfully at their utensils.

He had no idea what she was thinking, but he would give more than a penny for her thoughts. His eyes rested on her thoughtful countenance. He still couldn't understand her ulterior motives. She had helped him at the hospital, and she continued to do so now that he seemingly didn't need any help. Her presence was subtle, but always around him when he most needed it and he wasn't used to this kind of treatment.

No one had ever _helped_ him without ever wanting something in return, so he rather doubted this young lady across him was the exception to the rule.

Still this attitude of giving without asking in return was so foreign that he felt almost paranoid. What could he be in possession off, that she could possibly ever want? She had taken his old position in this school as a Professor, she was Head of her House, adequately respected by her peers. She was young, intelligent, full of life and with a clear eye of the future. He had nothing to offer to her except maybe his old memories of the war and his expertise at their common profession. Nothing else. He frowned and took a heartfelt sip from his water. He shook his head and winced bothered by his thoughts.

She apparently noticed 'Are you alright Professor?' she asked placing her own utensils down and looking over at him.

'Yes' he replied succinctly.

'I thought that maybe your heart bothered you again' she said trying to check at him from a distance.

He raised his brow 'You are worried _after_ feeding me the steak. Strange sense of timing I say'

'I didn't feed you the steak, you ate it yourself' she rebuked.

'You brought it to me' he rejoined.

'You all but asked for it!' she added readily.

'And you were quick enough to do my bidding' he replied raising his hand to her.

'And you were more than quick enough to eat it' she rejoined and raised her own hand, mimicking his mannerisms.

'Which you _would_ have stopped if you truly cared about my health as you declare so openly' he rebuked.

She stopped and bit her lower lip. She lowered her eyes to her plate and picked up her spoon. She started digging on the remaining potatoes.

 _she is uncomfortable..._

'I do care about your health Professor' she replied 'i thought I was straightforward about that' she added.

'I don't _believe_ people so readily Miss Granger' he replied.

'Maybe it is time for you to change that, then' she answered and rested her head upon her hand.

He snarled in derision 'And now suddenly you are old enough to offer advice to me?' he raised himself and placed his napkin upon the table

'I don't think age has anything to do with all this' she replied lifting herself likewise.

Apparently dinner being over he felt very uncomfortable with this young woman looking at him so intensely and speaking to him in such riddles. He felt that resuming his work would help him regain some control.

'Quite the contrary young lady. Age and experience have everything to do with it' he replied as he walked to his working area.

'Maybe' she let it linger.

He lifted his eyes from the working table and observed her. Her eyes were burning through him 'Or maybe not...I don't know yet' she replied thoughtfully.

He raised his brow 'You are talking in riddles. Either that or that divine dish you have cooked has disoriented you' he said wryly.

'I am not talking in riddles I am just...wait what?' she stopped suddenly and looked up at him 'Did you just make me a compliment?' she asked. Her jaw dropped open.

 _Took you a couple of seconds..._

'No I am merely stating the obvious, Miss Granger. I _never_ make compliments' he replied dryly, trying hard this time _not_ to smile.

She chuckled and sat down at a stool close to him 'Fine then, I take the compliment you _didn't_ make, at heart and I thank you for it'.

'When you were a student you never gave me the impression that you were going to turn out such a wiseass years later...' he said haughtily.

'What impression did I give then?' she asked.

He had the vague feeling that he was not sounding as intimidating to her as he originally thought 'The little bothersome-know-it-all' he said raising his brow.

'I can accept that, it is something I _know_ ' she said and before he had time to rebuke her she spoke again 'Now tell me do you like spaghetti?' she asked.

At this particular moment he was thankful he was not employed here anymore, because he didn't know if he would have taken or granted her points for her attitude towards him.

He raised both brows 'You intend to take over my nutrition personally?' he asked with a sneer.

She laughed, the musical sound chiming inside the closed classroom 'Well I am considering, would you mind it much?' she asked.

He shook his head looking at his shrivelfig. He took out the leaves carefully and started chopping on the soft bark 'Do I have a say in it?' he asked.

'Yes, I am asking you don't I?' she replied.

'You seem to be having a mind of your own in these matters, Miss Granger' he replied.

She lowered her eyes and looked at her hands 'Yes I have actually, but if you feel that I am bothering you, you only have to say it' she said carefully.

'Do I look like a man that will have even the slightest remorse in belting you when needed?' he asked looking at her sideways from his work.

She smirked 'No of course not, quite the contrary I'd say'

'So _yes_ Miss Granger, you _are_ bothering me; But seeing as my constant tries to repel you keep bouncing back at me, I decided to give up on the try' he replied.

'I can't believe you ...' she started wide eyed.

He raised his hand and stopped her '...only temporarily that is...and please don't push the boundaries, Miss Granger for I will be very harsh believe me'

'Temporarily you mean until you get better?' she asked becoming rather solemn.

'Quite possibly yes' he replied

'Till you manage to get out of here, right?' she insisted.

'Yes' he didn't look up from his work.

'You know why I got into such a foul mood this morning?' she asked.

'Do I look like I care?' he retorted harshly.

'No you don't, but I guess that is what makes you a _safe confessor_ ' she replied.

He reposed his knife upon the table and looked at her 'What do you mean?' he rested his hand on the wooden surface.

'I don't mind telling you, exactly because you don't care' she said with simplicity.

'Even though I don't want to listen?' he stated.

She rolled her eyes 'You are really making it hard for me to talk to you' she said.

'That's the point exactly!' he spat.

She giggled 'I really do enjoy these conversations with you Professor' she said without inhibitions.

'Now at _this_ particular point, you are starting to sound quite ridiculous' he warned.

'What the hell did you put into my potion? My head is feeling very foggy, no wonder I sound ridiculous' she rubbed her forehead.

 _ah...the potion..._

Well that _could_ partly explain why she was talking to him without any restraints. The spells he used had enhanced the simple headache potion to a rather mild calming draught also. He had intended that effect on her in order to offer her a goodnight's rest, but he hadn't tossed into the deal the possibility that she would remain all this time with him and now look at the results. She was loose and all over the place. He looked at her. Eyes bright and smiling, mouth half open, hair wild, bare feet, red cheeks, a very big giggly mess and it was all in his hands.

 _Great..._ he thought dryly.

'I have enhanced your potion with some calming draught in the form of spells and do try to shape up Miss Granger, this is totally inappropriate!' he chastised and tried to resume his work. He was trying hard not to look at her and he was finding that more difficult by the second, especially in the state in which she was now.

She chuckled 'I can't, I seem to be enjoying myself too much and I needed that, Professor. Thank you' she lowered herself and came next to him.

He stiffened immediately.

'Shrivelfig is very difficult to clean, but I see you are making a hard job look easy, as usual' she said.

'Grant me points then' he retorted dryly.

She moved an inch closer and he felt sweat breaking on his forehead. He really didn't want her this close to him.

'Ten points to Slytherin, Professor!' she exclaimed and her hand landed on his forearm making him freeze exactly where he was.

 _Don't touch me..._ he hissed into his mind, but the words never came out. They remained trapped in there together with his breath. He felt a tightening on his chest and almost immediately panicked.

 _Not my heart..._ he tried to isolate the tightening on his chest in order to identify it. She kept speaking, but he couldn't hear her as he was concentrating on his body. The tightening subsided slowly and he realised with relief that it was not the same pain that his heart always gave him. This one was completely different, but he didn't have the time to analyse it as her annoying voice kept speaking next to him. He scowled deeply and turned to her.

'What?' he asked unaccountably bothered.

'Didn't you hear what I just told you?' she asked her hand still on his forearm sending her warmth down to his skin.

'Apparently not, or else I wouldn't be asking' he bit unable to stop himself. This physical closeness was driving him crazy.

'I said maybe you are right in wanting to leave this place as fast as you can' she said.

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'This morning I had a talk with Minerva. I probably shouldn't be telling you this...but...' she stopped.

"But what?" he asked frowning deeply.

'It was a private conversation...you see' she said thoughtfully.

'Kill the Gryffindor in you and tell me' he said not really willing to sound cheeky, but he wanted to hear what she had discussed with Minerva. He knew it was about him or else this woman wouldn't have ever brought it up with him. Her hand was all but forgotten now.

She giggled and her hand tightening its grip on his arm, sending shivers up to his shoulder.

'Miss Granger!...' he snapped wanting to shape her up somehow.

Her giggles stopped sort. She looked up to him, her mouth still smiling but covered behind her hand 'If you intend to relate to me something of personal interest then do so now or else stop wasting my time' he chastised. He wanted her hand off of his arm and he also wanted her to tell him what her semi-confused mind was forming about him.

'And do what, go to bed?' she asked still semi-playfully.

'That would be an acceptable solution to both our problems' he said and turned to his work.

'I don't want to go home now' she said and this time the playfulness was gone from her voice.

He looked up at her briefly. She walked away from him and towards the main arched window. She stopped in front of it and looked outside. He found the opportunity as her back was turned to him to rub his forearm. The strange tingling sensation lingered upon his arm. He wanted to get rid of it quickly 'Then remain, but don't pussyfoot around topics, it's rather childish and also useful to no one' he replied dryly.

'Yes, I suppose you are right' she gazed at his back as he concentrated on his work again 'Minerva wanted me to become the middle-woman between you and ...' she said.

He raised both his brows and paced the knife down at that one. This time she had captured his complete attention. She was looking out the window 'And?' he asked.

'The school, the Ministry and the Press' she replied not turning around.

'I see the Headmistress is going through a lot of trouble to talk to a Death Eater. What was your answer then, Miss Granger?' he asked trying hard to control the rise of his anger which was not directed at this young woman, but at the old witch. He owed Minerva something and it was not good.

'I am here talking to you, aren't I?' she gazed at him. Albeit the effects of his potion, this time her face was drawn and solemn.

'I am asking a simple question that deserves a straightforward answer' he replied.

'I thought you never believed in what people told you readily, Professor' she asked piercing him with those soft eyes.

'I am too old for these word games Miss Granger. Are you here to negotiate my interaction with the Ministry or not?' his tone was biting to the core. He wanted to know where he stood with her.

'No Professor, I declined' she said softly. He thought he saw her eyes becoming bright.

'And is this answer straightforward?' he asked not backing up an inch from his quest. This was important to him. He had allowed her some freedom and he wanted to _know_ that she was for real. That she hadn't _drawn_ him in, for other purposes. That was the normal pattern of his life and he didn't want it around him again.

She drew a deep breath 'I am honest Professor. The point is are you willing to believe me? she asked.

 _you got a bloody good point there..._ he thought and his scowl deepened. He crossed his arms in front of his chest 'That is something that doesn't concern you' he replied.

This time it was _her_ turn to scowl at him 'Excuse me? You are very unfair here' she said 'I told you the truth, you know where you stand with me. Don't I have the right to know where I stand with you?', her eyes demanding.

'I know only what you told me, and that is hardly enough proof' he barked.

Her face remained locked in anger on him for a few moments and then it suddenly cleared out and sadness settled in those eyes 'Professor I cannot do anything more than that. I told you the truth. They desperately want to talk to you. All of them. Minerva, the Ministry, the Press and above all Harry. That last one in particular is going through many pains, a good quantity of them illegal to get a hold on you. I declined because I respect your freedom. You have sacrificed yourself so that we can be free and you have every right to decline anything that you wish to anyone. I will do the best I can to help you and that's all I ever wanted to do since the beginning' she said heavily. He saw her eyes watering, but she turned towards the window again 'And I don't care if you believe me or not' she added more to herself.

He remained there looking at her bent figure. She looked so fragile and yet so steady at that moment.

'I see no reason to continue this discussion, Miss Granger' he said. His mind debated strongly to leave it at that, but that would have been hardly fair to her. He was used to treating everyone in his life unfairly, but this young woman was not just everyone was she? She was the one that saved him.

 _she actually saved you, you bloody asshole...thrice ..._ 'As it is, I will accept your answer' he added half heartedly.

She turned around and her face brightened by degrees 'I am sure this is the most I'll get out of you' she said.

He raised his brow 'More than the most' he added and turned around to pick up his knife again.

'You can see the moon from here. It is visible even though it's still afternoon' she said and looked outside the window. She changed the flow of the conversation completely and seemed satisfied at the closure he gave.

 _The moon?..._ he looked towards the window, but he was too far from it to see anything.

'It's going to be a full moon in a couple of days, but it can hardly be appreciated behind a window' he said casually.

 _Especially the windows in here..._

'Believe me Professor I have been asking Mark to go with me by the lake to see the moon for a long time, but he is not a man that appreciates nature' she replied lightly.

 _Do I want to answer to this?..._

'Didn't know you were in need of a chaperone' he replied.

He heard the soft giggling and looked up from his chopping board expecting to see her back, but he met her eyes instead 'You are right on that one Professor'

'I am so glad you give me due credit, now can I work on my potion? I have been trying to do so for ...' he looked towards the wall clock, and remained there frozen.

 _bloody hell..._

'Three hours Professor. Time flies when you are having a nice time doesn't it?' she asked lowering herself from the ledge and walking over to him.

He stiffened again.

 _I never have a nice time...I don't even know what a nice time is..._ he looked at her and then back at his ingredients.

'Speak only about yourself young lady' he replied dryly.

'That is to whom I was referring to, Professor' she replied as she reached him. She stood close to him 'I had a lovely afternoon with your Professor. Thank you' she said and without any warning she stood up on her feet and leaned on him. He felt her weight settling on his shoulder as she reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Quickly then she retreated. Words couldn't even describe the shock that he underwent and he reacted the only way he knew how. He turned around with the deepest scowl he could manifest, but he was beyond words. She rubbed his arm quickly, this time not lingering on the touch at all and he was thankful for that 'Thank you a million times about the potion. You saved my head' she added.

'What the _hell_ do you think you are doing Miss Granger?' he barked suddenly rediscovering the ability to speak.

She withdrew back from him. Apparently his glare had some effect on her and it was a good thing, because all this time he was starting to believe that he was invisible to her.

'I kissed you, Professor' she replied with a solemn look of wonder in her eyes. It must have come as a shock to her also.

'Don't do that again' he said, more perplexed than ever.

She winced and shook her head. He expected her to offer her apologies, so when she spoke he felt his jaw dropping to the floor 'I will think about it' she said and then offered him a wide smile.

 _what the hell?..._

He opened his mouth and then closed it, and then opened it again and closed it. He supposed he looked like a fish out of the water and he felt like one also. 'Now will spaghetti do for tomorrow then?' she asked bypassing his inability to express himself.

'What?' he asked regaining some composure and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

'Spaghetti same hour, here? For you? To eat?' she asked carefully.

'What's the matter with you girl?' he asked solemnly.

'I am just making it up for the potion you gave me today' she said 'If I sleep well at night I might get the sauce right' she added with a smirk.

'Will you leave me alone after this?' he snapped.

'I promise' she replied raising her hand over her heart.

'Fine!' he spat.

'Same time, here?' she asked.

'Do you see me going anywhere?' he inquired truly bothered.

She chuckled and went to the door in order to put her shoes back on 'No, even though some fresh air would do you a lot of good' she said.

'Do you always go around without any shoes on? It's rather annoying you know' he said not able to hide the tension from his features.

She smiled widely 'Without shoes on I have less trouble on, but if it worries you so much I'll keep them on next time' she replied and winked at him, making his jaw drop open one more time.

'Miss Granger' he said snapping his jaw closed tight '...please rid me of your presence. I have had more than enough of you...one more time' he barked and avoided looking at her.

'Very well see you tomorrow then Professor, have a good rest, and if you need help with the potion you know where to find me' she chimed from the door.

He raised his head to chastise her, but she was quicker. She closed it, leaving him to muse over the door with his knife on his hand and his jaw hanging low. Professor Snape was not a man that was easily shaken, but at this moment he was numb all over. That girl had taken way too many liberties with him and it wasn't her potion induced stupidity that was vexing him. It was his own inability to resist it. Professor Severus Snape snapped his jaw closed tight and the muscles on his cheek moved tensely. His eyes focused on the door as he thrust his chin forth.

 _Very well Miss Granger...time to get serious..._

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	23. Chapter 23

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She kissed him...

 _Oh the shame!_...

She covered her face and tried not to groan out loud for the millionth time that day, but she couldn't do that freely inside the 'Three Broomsticks' were, she and Mark had come to meet Ginny and Harry for lunch. That innocent kiss had taken place five days ago and since then she had disappeared from the laboratories. She had meticulously taken him his dinners which she tried to fix as healthy as possible, but she always left them outside the doors for him to find. She couldn't face him after the way she behaved that day.

She was grateful that he was still eating her meals and that she was able to offer him something practical, but she didn't want to see him. She recalled with great embarrassment, the lightheadedness she felt shortly after she had drunk his potion and the frivolous behaviour she displayed around him, which was too difficult to bury under the carpet; But everything else was overshadowed by that innocent kiss. As shocking as it was in it's own right, it left something behind that was too hard to ignore.

The moment her lips touched his skin she felt a longing for something much stronger. It was as if a long buried fire blasted away inside her very soul and it left her wanting... more of him...

 _Stupid-stupid-Hermione..._ she thought.

She gazed around trying to make sure that no one noticed her embarrassment. That innocent kiss left her longing for more and it took her not one, but three sleepless nights to finally admit to herself that she had become a victim to a wind of change. That change involved her old, much fearful, professor. She had no idea how it came to be, but she couldn't deny that she didn't quite see him as her former Professor anymore. And damn...hadn't this become very complicated all of a sudden? She wasn't ready to dig deep upon this new revelation just yet, but she was certain about one thing. Her body was reacting unexpectedly to his presence. She was not an immature seventeen year old anymore, she was a woman of twenty seven, and even if they had nothing else in common, she sure was getting hot under the collar in the thought of his hand running down her side. She felt confused and perplexed and bothered by this whole thing. She also felt very vulnerable to his physical presence after that day.

The realisation that she _might be_ unable to control herself around Professor Snape, was what kept her away from the laboratories. She didn't want to be around him not only because she was embarrassed about her inappropriate behaviour, but also because she was afraid she was going to repeat it...

 _And he doesn't need that, nor do I..._ so it was best to keep away from him. Besides he told her that he wanted to be left alone, all too many times. She was only obeying his wishes.

 _This time...and because of your own insecurities..._ A small regretful voice spoke in the back of her mind.

'Are you listening to him Hermione?' the happy voice of Ginny penetrated her deep reverie.

'What? What?' she asked trying to get into the conversational mood Ginny and Mark were in. Harry seemed as thoughtful as she was and ironically they were thinking about the same person, for very different reasons.

'I was telling Ginny about the lovely little lake in front of my house and how much you would have loved it, since you are such a lover of nature' Mark said with a smile and clasped her hand.

'I try to enjoy the big lake in front of our school also baby, but circumstances are not favourable towards me' she answered pressing his hand reassuringly.

'What are you going to do for your vacation then? Are you going to go to Mark's house?' Ginny asked as she lifted her glass and drank some wine.

 _Oh no don't go there please..._ her mind raced to stop the conversation exactly where it was, but she was not quick enough.

'That's what I am thinking, right honey?' Mark asked.

She glared at him unable to believe that he had done that in front of her friends. Then she turned and looked at them. Even Harry had lifted his eyes from his glass and was scrutinising her.

 _Great..._

'We haven't decided just yet guys. Mark has suggested his house, but we have some other alternatives to consider also' she replied diplomatically. That was a nice way of telling her friends that this was a burning disagreement inside the couple. Both Ginny and Harry seemed to have picked up on the cue.

'Yes, that _was_ true' Mark said straightening up. She looked at him expecting a deep frown, but all she saw was a beaming smile.

'Was?' she asked not taking her eyes from him.

He turned to her then and smiled even wider 'Was my love, was before this came along' he said and reached inside his pocket.

Hermione's eyes followed his hand apprehensively, and when he drew out a small black velvet box her breath got trapped in her chest.

 _Oh...no..._ she raised her eyes to him and then she looked back at the box ...O _h no? There was a time, not so long ago, were you expected this like nothing else in the world..._ she watered her lips and remained frozen as he opened up the box in front of her.

'Oh Gods Harry! Look at that!' the loud exclamation of Ginny made her jerk slightly.

She bit on her bottom lip feeling beads of sweat covering her brow. Mark's eyes pierced hers deeply 'Hermione, I cannot think of a better time to give this token of love to you' he said softly.

A shudder run down her back and she cracked a small smile that disappeared almost immediately. He was proposing to her, right there in public, in front of their friends. In order for everyone to witness his love for her. She half nodded half shook her head negatively to him and she had no idea what came out, but Ginny laughed across her.

'I mean look at her! Hermione! Shape up!' she tittered playfully.

She didn't look away from the box. She needed to make sure that he was indeed offering her an engagement ring. All this time he had been stalling, not that she had a problem with it. So what happened now all of a sudden? What happened to have caused this shift? Last time they talked he had given her the idea that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

'Baby?' Mark was looking at her mildly worried.

'Yes...Uhm, I don't know what to say' she muttered unable to really find words to express her feelings at that moment.

'You could say, I do' Mark laughed nervously.

'Did you propose to me just now?' she found refuge in humour.

'Do you want it full and proper?' he asked rolling his eyes.

'Full and proper, go on!' she smiled.

'Miss Hermione Granger, do you want to marry me?' he asked offering the impressive contents of the little black box again.

At it's wakening she saw a beautiful ring of white gold, with a large diamond on top of it. Why did she feel a tight knot in her stomach and not exhilaration? She raised her hand and touched the box tenderly.

'Hermione?' Ginny's voice sounded confused.

She withdrew her eyes from the ring with difficulty and looked at her friend.

'Ogle it in peace later on...don't stall' her friend suggested.

'Yes' she shook her head trying to draw herself out of the heavy contemplations that had taken over her 'I accept of course' she mumbled in a hurry. Her words were low and unclear, but Mark and her friends, heard them. After she spoke them, she was taken in tight embraces from all of them.

She hugged Mark back wholeheartedly and tried to enjoy this precious moment exactly for what it was. The strange uncomfortable knot in her stomach still lingered though, somehow not allowing her to release herself in the beauty of the moment. She attributed it sloppily to the anxiety the engagement was causing her.

 _Am I supposed to feel this anxious about something this beautiful?..._ she thought as she saw Mark placing the sparkly ring on her third finger. It was too large for her, but he owned the solution at the tip of his long wand. He flicked it above her finger and immediately the ring resized itself to fit her.

'Thank you' she muttered and Mark leaned over to kiss her softly.

She let go into his embrace and deepened the kiss, for several seconds forgetting that terrible tight knot lingering in her stomach. She took her wine at hand and swallowed it whole 'Wow, easy girl' Harry said playfully. She gazed at him. Even _he_ seemed happily drawn out of his dark contemplations, so why couldn't she do it also?

 _Most probably because this is all about you?..._ she thought and made a mental note to inquire Ginny later on, if she had felt all those contradictory feelings when Harry proposed to her.

'Leave off, I am entitled to it' she chimed.

'I am so happy for you guys. It was long due' Ginny said.

 _Why am I not so sure right now?..._ she thought and looked at her wine. Ready to blame the contents of that transparent piece of glass, for her decaying mood, she wrapped her arm under Mark's, trying to pull herself out of this accursed limbo.

'I am sure glad I caught her by surprise, I had been planning this for quite some time' Mark said. He turned and kissed her on the forehead.

She replied with a sweet smile 'How long?

'About a month or so' he retorted.

 _Right in the midst of all hell?..._ her brows furrowed . The strange knot in her stomach got suddenly reactivated.

'You sure fooled me' she said meaningfully.

'That was the whole purpose. Although it couldn't have been _that_ much of a surprise. We have been discussing our relationship for quite some time' he replied softly.

 _Well, yes that's true..._

'So when are you planning for the wedding?' Gunny chimed in.

 _Wedding?...wait..._

Mark was quicker 'Next year sometime' he replied and then turned to her 'Right honey?' he asked.

She nodded dumbly 'Yes, I suppose, of course there is time to discuss it and maybe...'

He laughed and squeezed her hand 'Bride is getting cold feet I think' he said playfully.

Ginny and Harry laughed. She didn't, because that is _exactly_ what that tight knot in her stomach was. Cold feet. She was getting cold feet about the whole affair and ironically Mark was the one that identified the source of her trouble. She looked at them all. The buzzing in her ears muting their voices. Mark was holding her hand tightly. Harry and Ginny were smiling and looking at each other. She suddenly felt an outsider, like she didn't belong there.

'Are you getting cold feet, little bookworm?' Harry asked with a bright smile.

She smiled even though her unease was spreading inside her like a sickness. Making the knot even tighter 'Oh come on Harry, I am fine of course' she hurled out, a little too loudly for her tastes.

'Where are you going to go for a honeymoon?' Ginny asked turning the conversation around.

'We haven't yet agreed on this summer's vacation, so I'd say you are taking this too far' Hermione smiled and refilled her glass.

"Well, the plan for this summer includes my parent's home for a couple of weeks' Mark said.

 _Weeks?..._

'Mark means _might_ include, it's not set in stone yet. We are still discussing it' she forced a smile upon her lips. There went the mood swinger again. The only thing that could really get them going in front of people.

'They are arguing like a married couple already' Harry chimed.

'I wanted to go around Scotland for our vacation. Get a chance to really see the countryside, you know' she mused at her glass.

'Well, that is a wonderful idea Hermione, we can tell you a couple of good places you can visit' Ginny offered.

'Oh we'd be very interested in that, right Mark?' she asked.

'We will think about it you guys, thank you' Mark replied a little too stiffly for her tastes.

'Were do you suggest we go then? I was dreaming of a small cottage somewhere by the sea or by a lake with a deep forest around it, inside a calm village' she said unable to stop the smile forming upon her lips in these thoughts. She touched the ring she was wearing on her hand and the image of her having a family in such a place was very tantalising.

'There are several villages like that we can tell you about' Ginny said 'You sure have a taste for a quiet life, and for a Hogwarts professor that is so out of place' her friend laughed lightly.

'You tell _me_ about it, she is always like that. Dreaming about small houses, in the midst of nowhere. We are both professors in one of the most illustrious schools of the magical world' Mark added all too readily.

'And so what Mark? Why does this job make you above and beyond a simple village life?' she asked slightly picked and unable to hide it. She saw Harry and Ginny looking at each other fleetingly.

'We have a home Hermione, in the castle. Why abandon all that, in order to go and hide somewhere?' he asked trying to understand why the wind sifted so suddenly.

'In order to get some peace of mind?' she asked.

'We have our own apartments, don't they offer you enough peace of mind?' he rejoined.

She felt her shoulders deflating 'Can we discuss this later Mark, I want to drink and be merry tonight, not discuss about our future adobe' she said and forced herself to smile.

'Come on then, come on then drinks all round for the whole house!' Mark exclaimed. Quickly an atmosphere of merriment and joy arose.

Applauds all around the house exploded when people received their drinks from the couple and Hermione couldn't help, but to fall into the mood. She picked up glass after glass of wine and drank them whole. She shared the mirth at first timidly, but several drinks later she landed with both feet in it. Laughing and kissing Mark wholeheartedly. Forgetting her previous worries about his proposal, and also pushing the tight knot in her stomach into a heavily drunk oblivion. She laughed and rejoiced about the new future that awaited for her.

She asked Harry to marry them, and she chattered in a silly girlish manner with Ginny about the wedding. Caught up in a web of lightheadedness, she didn't notice how easily and pleasantly the time passed by for them all. So she ended up with Mark in bed making love with him. Straddled upon his lap, with her breasts bouncing freely and her hair waving around her, she barely noticed than right upon the moment were she caught her orgasm and her inner muscles started pulsating hotly around him, behind her closed eyes another man was looking at her, and she was barely able to stop herself from vocalising her pleasure. She looked down at her fiancee's face in heat confused for a few moments. Then she rode him furiously, till he emptied himself in her, truly angry about the games her mind was playing with her.

Some time later as Mark slept exhausted, she was still wide awake observing the full moon from a crack of their bedroom curtain. Her mind was still dizzy and slightly disoriented. Her fingers kept touching and rolling around her new ring. Her first step to forming a family of her own. Then her mind remembered another man's face triggering her orgasm with her future husband. Intoxicated as she still was, she rose from the bed and picked up a spare robe from the chair. She wore it above her naked body and walked towards the door.

 _Didn't know you needed a chaperone Miss Granger..._

His words kept playing in her ears, making them ring. He was right though, wasn't he? Why _should_ she need a chaperone to go at the lake and enjoy the moon. She was going to do it alone and there was no better night than this. Tonight she deserved it, because tonight she had something very important to celebrate about. She wrapped her robes around her and then tiptoed out of her apartments. As she closed her door, her eyes fell to the door next to theirs. She remained looking at it for a few moments and then turned down the hallway.

***...***

Almost forty minutes later found her very close to the lake enjoying the night air, which managed to clear up her drunkenness a lot. Although she was certain there was still a lot of alcohol in her body, she was thankful that she could now see straight, and think relatively sanely again. She stepped into the small gravel path that led in front of the lake and walked quietly. There musing over the dark beauty of nature, hearing her soft footfalls in the dead of night, having her way lighted by the full moon that brightened the land, she stopped and looked up...

...and her breath got trapped...

...because the man of her recent worries, which made her confuse reality with fantasy, was right there in front of her. Standing still in front of the lake, his hands caressing the tall grass that surrounded him. His chin tilted upwards as his eyes were taken in by the beauty of the full moon. Her mouth dropped open and her heart picked up speed. He looked so calm and peaceful that she didn't want to bother him. She watered her lips and placed her hand over her heart. The strong knot in her stomach reappeared and this time she had a label for it. The letters were too transparent just yet, but they made her condition even more perilous now that she was wearing an engagement ring. She had to leave...leave him alone...and leave for her own sake. She turned around and took the first step to safety, when his deep voice stopped her.

'You don't have to leave, Miss Granger' he said sending soft shivers down her spine.

 _No, you don't understand...I DO ...I DO have to leave..._ her mind cried out, but against it's advice, she turned around and looked at him.

He was still observing the moon.

'I didn't mean to bother you Professor. I didn't know you were down here' she said trying to control the pitch of her voice. She wanted to sound as soft as he did, but she didn't feel that way.

'It's a public area' he said with the same controlled voice. Just loud enough to be heard, but soft enough not bother the quietness of nature around them.

'And yet this is a private moment' she rejoined. Her fingers felt very cold.

'I assure you it is not. I was simply enjoying the full moon' he replied.

She couldn't a smile 'You enjoy it also then?' she asked tucking some hair behind her ear.

He remained silent for a few moments 'What's not to enjoy about it?' he asked. Whatever mood she had caught him in, was a good one apparently.

She took a hesitant step towards him 'You are right, that's what I came down here to enjoy also' she said timidly.

'You decided you didn't need a chaperone then?' he asked quietly. That fabric of his voice was doing things to her and at this moment she regretted her old Professor. The one whose acerbic tone would shape her up quickly.

'Yes, I took your words at heart apparently' she replied feeling rather cold under her long robes.

'Only to find another chaperone' his tone sounded amused.

Her mind suggested that he was trying to draw her into a conversation. She responded that if that was even possible then it was also _very_ unwise for both of them. She didn't listen to the prudent voice of her mind. Her heart picked up speed again as she took two more experimental steps towards him.

'Not a chaperone, a companion' she said softly.

He turned around then, and the release of energy around her was palpable. She didn't know if he was the one doing that, or she... 'Companion?' he asked.

'When two people enjoy the same event, they are companions in it. You are not my chaperone' she said, trying to speak slowly. To make sense first to herself and then to him. She was still intoxicated, although she had all but forgotten about it.

'Thank the Gods' he answered and then turned fully at her, making her advancement towards him stop dead in it's track. She froze all over and the knot in her stomach did a loop de loop 'Tell me Miss Granger, are you in the habit of cooking for people all the time?' he asked.

'No, of course not why?' she asked slightly taken aback by the sudden withdrawal of energy that had stood around them a couple of seconds ago.

'Just wondering if you take a meal to everyone in the castle or just me' he said crossing his arms in front of his chest.

She smiled nodding 'You have a point, I just didn't want to bother you that's all' she said. He was clearly asking her why she had made a disappearing act on him all these days. What could she tell him? That she was scared she would act unwisely around him again?

'And you wondered that after two months of _indeed_ bothering me? What happened all of a sudden?' he inquired.

 _Dear Merlin, he IS telling me off for abandoning him this week..._ she felt her mouth dropping open at what she was hearing. What did she want to answer to that?

'I ...uhm, look I felt rather odd about the way I behaved around you last time. And who can blame me, right? I was not in the best shape of mind' she said feeling rather uneasy and showing it pretty clearly.

'Your behaviour was a direct outcome of the potion I gave you, young lady. It was medically induced' he said.

 _Thank you professor, but no it was not._

She knew that he was trying to be a gentleman, but the tightness of her stomach, right now, was _not_ medically induced.

'Nevertheless I felt bad about it' she said quietly and looked at her hands.

'And you decided to run away?' he answered in his voice deep.

She frowned and raised her eyes to him 'That's what I did, yes' she replied 'Haven't I done well? I thought you didn't want me to bother you in the first place' she asked trying to discern the look in his eyes, but it was unreadable as always.

'I never found any solutions by running away from my problems' he retorted carefully.

She smirked and looked at her shoes 'Sometimes it is easier' she replied.

'It won't solve your problems though' he replied solemnly and looked towards the lake.

'I am here now, aren't I?' she asked trying to ease the tension at the pit of her stomach somehow.

'Indeed you decided to haunt me again' he replied but she heard the lightness in his tone.

'Oh, believe me this was not done on purpose, I didn't know you were...' she started quickly.

'I know, don't take the bait each time please' he replied and looked at her.

She gazed at him intensely... D _ear Gods he is actually teasing me..._

'Did you like the food I brought you?' she asked smiling widely at him.

'It was adequate' he replied turning around and looking at the moon again.

'Just adequate?' she asked slightly picked.

'Well, you are no master chef' he replied and she heard it again. That slightly teasing tone.

'I tried my best I assure you' she replied feeling tendrils of anger rising in her.

'Did you try it yourself, or did you just feed me with it?' he asked.

'I cooked for all three of us, if you should know!' she retorted, now almost furious at his insinuation about her cooking. Here she was taking care of him the best way she could and he was not appreciating it.

'You, me and?' he drawled.

'My husband!' she spat.

He turned to her again. His motion well calculated and slow 'I thought you were not married' he said in a well measured tone.

'I got engaged tonight' she replied and raised her hand to show him the ring she wore. The same moment she did it, the same moment it felt so childish to her and she regretted it, but it was too late to take it back. She had acted like a fool.

 _A mindless fool..._

'Congratulations are in order then Mrs. Granger' he replied solemnly and changed her title immediately. She didn't know which part she hated the most right then. The fact that his voice lost that dreamy element it had before, the fact that he called her Mrs, or the fact that she could see her hand extended towards him with her ring shining under the full moon.

'Thank you' she muttered under her breath and withdrew her hand quickly, hiding the ring under the long sleeve of her robes.

'So why is your husband letting you stroll alone at this hour?' he asked casually.

'I thought you told me I didn't need a chaperone!' she replied, her mouth quirking.

'Your husband is not your chaperone Mrs. Granger, he is your companion' he replied solemnly and tilted his head gently in order to make his point pricklier.

She had that coming to her a mile away and she felt her stomach dropping.

'Unfortunately Mark doesn't enjoy nature that much. And strange as it may sound to you I _want_ to believe that it is better to enjoy this kind of scenery in silence' she replied wincing.

'Enjoyable as _some_ company might be, I believe that some nights have more _hope_ in their silence too, Mrs. Granger' he said softy.

She looked at him "That's poetic..." she whispered with a soft frown.

He pursed his lips 'As it is though, I think it is totally inappropriate for you to be talking with a man in the middle of the night, whilst your husband is at home sleeping' he replied and looked at her fleetingly.

'You are not just any man' she replied quickly.

'Am I not?' he asked gathering himself and walking past her and onto the gravel path.

'Of course you are not, what are you doing?' she asked her brows frowning bothered, as he began walking steadily to the direction of the castle.

 _Is he leaving me?..._ her mind asked and she felt pissed out at him. Why was he leaving her now?

'I am pursuing my silent night, I am going back to bed, young lady, and so should you' he replied not stopping.

 _Oh!, no you won't..._

'WAIT!' her voice echoed in the night. A small flock of birds woke up and flew from a small tree patch to their left. They both looked at them.

'You have successfully broken the aforementioned silence of this night' he said drawing her attention upon him.

'Don't go, please' she whispered

He gazed at her intensely for what seemed like an eternity. The light of the moon intoning the hard lines of his face. His brows as always scowling at her. Not an image much different from the man she had known as a Professor all these years ago 'This is hardly appropriate, Mrs. Granger' he replied and he sounded withdrawn. She immediately regretted the loss of warmth his voice had before she told him about her engagement.

'I don't want to look at the moon alone, please' she said raising her eyes timidly at him.

'I am hardly the proper person to share this with, my lady. Go and wake your husband up' he replied and made an attempt to leave again.

This time she walked towards him and grabbed his arm 'I don't want to share this with someone who doesn't enjoy it' she looked at him square in the eyes. The knot in her stomach flared up, as he turned and gazed at her for a couple of torturous seconds. Then he turned his head towards the moon and his brows relaxed.

'You seem to have forgotten whom you are speaking to' he said without taking his eyes from the moon.

She drew her hand from his arm and looked at the moon likewise 'I know exactly to whom I am speaking, believe me' she replied quietly. She didn't want to scare him away. She had achieved that with the mindless act of showing off her ring to him.

'So you are choosing to share this with a Death Eater? You make peculiar choices, Mrs. Granger' his eyes were upon her.

She could feel them burning her, and she didn't want to meet them 'I choose to share it with someone who obviously knows how to appreciate it' she replied calmly.

'Since I returned Mrs. Granger, you seem to be the only person unable to grasp who I truly am' his eyes were still on her, demanding.

She smiled 'Or maybe I am the only person who does, have you ever thought of that Professor?' she asked.

He kept his intense stare on her a while longer 'You confuse me, I must admit'

She entwined her fingers 'Maybe, because I haven't cleared up myself enough to you'

He turned to her 'Why don't you do it now?' he offered.

 _Was hoping you'd say that..._

'I enjoy your company far more than you think possible. Does that clear up your confusion?' she replied.

He remained frozen for a while, his face barely illuminated by the moon. He then drew a soft breath and looked at it again 'Mrs. Granger, you are very daring' he replied quietly.

'Sometimes you need to be bold in order to speak the truth, although I fear that my constant company takes away what you need the most. Peace..' she said observing him closely.

'Peace, yes' he nodded musing over at the full moon 'Peace is something I would dare consider...welcome' he said stumbling at the word visibly. His voice had gained that dreamy warmth it had before and she felt her heart elating.

'I know...' she replied quietly.

'Not so very long ago I would have sold my soul to satan to find peace' he replied.

She looked at him shocked at this sudden confession.

'Not that I haven't, mind you' he added taking her by surprise.

'Haven't what?' she asked tilting her head.

'Sold my soul to satan' he replied drawing his eyes from her and looking towards the lake.

...O _h, dear Gods..._ she didn't know what to tell him. She didn't know how to answer intelligently at that.

'Don't look like you just swallowed a fish, Mrs. Granger. I sold my soul to Voldemort, it's the same principle' he said with a transparent smirk.

Trying to bypass her initial sock she spoke carefully 'But, you didn't find your peace?'.

'Of course I didn't. No one from the Death Eaters ever did. Most died, few ended up in Azkaban and one got away, barely alive' he said looking towards the lake. His gaze lost in thought "...But one cannot call that finding peace, correct?"

'No' she replied mesmerised by his words and by his eyes.

'Not that anyone deserved to be peaceful' he added softly.

 _Oh Gods, he is confessing to me..._ she tried hard _not_ to tremble. She tried hard not to loose his eyes to the lake, she tried hard _not_ to stop him, she wanted to try hard to say all the right things.

'How can you say you don't deserve peace?' she asked carefully.

'We were killers girl, don't romanticise about us' he replied dryly. It was shocking to see how bereft he was of any compassion for himself.

'And therefore you deserved to be tortured in hell?' she asked her brows furrowing.

'More or less' he replied clinically.

'And what about redemption then? What about how you acted later on in life? Hadn't that gained you forgiveness? Wasn't that enough to be worth a good amount of peace?' she asked choosing her words carefully.

He huffed softly 'Don't mistake actions of desperation to grand acts of saving humanity, young lady. Don't be an ignorant fool'

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms 'Make me understand then. Were your acts of saving humanity an act of desperation?' she asked.

His lips upturned to a lopsided smile 'I did what I had to do at the time. That's all' he replied vaguely.

'And even that didn't earn you peace?' she asked quietly.

'Not then, no' he replied looking towards the ground and then at her.

'And how about now?' she asked timidly.

He huffed again 'If you exclude the territory of the castle, which the Headmistress has so wisely closed up to the rest of the world, do you see much chance of me having peace once I step a foot outside the castle gates?'

She swallowed and bit her lip. She lowered her head and looked at her boots. He was right of course. No one outside would let him live in peace. All this in here was just a temporary lie 'No, you are right' she replied sadly.

'There are reporters in every damn door of this castle, waiting to shred me to pieces. When they are over the Ministry is going to have a go at me, and of course the rest of the magical world with their false expectations or never forgotten accusations. No, Mrs. Granger, the world doesn't have a place for me. That's why I didn't want to be found. Now unfortunately, there is no turning back to anonymity for me. No way back to obscurity, which was the only way to gain some of that blessed peace of mind I so long for' he said and his voice was vibrant with suppressed emotion. She could see how much this was affecting him.

'There might be a way though' she said and raised her head to him.

His eyes asked her silently

'...maybe if you faced them? Maybe then they'd leave you alone. Maybe they'd understand' she said carefully.

'Face who? The people that seven years ago wanted me dead? Face them as what? As a forgiven man that has regretted his sins or as a piece of news that they want to throw to the people? The reformed Death Eater? You have no idea what you are saying...No idea' he shook his head solemnly.

She couldn't stop her hands from trembling then after each heavy word he was saying. No, he was mistaken. That was not the way people saw him. Not the way _she_ saw him. He had to give them a chance. He had to give the world a chance. He had to give _her_ a chance. She felt her eyes watering and she was unable to stop it 'Professor you are mistaken about us, you are mistaken about the world, you have to give ... _us..._ a chance, or else there will be nothing left for you. Not here or anywhere else. You don't deserve that fate' she said softly.

She saw his brows knitting heavily together 'How can _you_ know what I deserve. Who are _you_ to tell me to forgive _them_ and give _them_ another chance?' he asked his voice dropping low. She felt the anger rising in him. His eyes were burning her very core.

She nibbled on her lip and swallowed 'I am someone who always believe in you, and I _know..._ what you deserve' she said with simplicity. A tear run slowly down her cheek. She didn't dare raise a hand to wipe it. Her heart raced and her lungs felt constricted.

'Which is?' he asked not taking his eyes from her. Making her melt under his intense stare.

'Trust...you deserve trust. You need to trust others as others trust you...I am here _'_ she said quietly.

He withdrew his eyes from her and looked at the dark castle behind them. He then smiled bitterly 'You know _nothing..._ ' he said, irony lacing every single chord in his voice '... _nothing. G_ o home to your husband, my lady' he said and bypassed her.

He moved down the pathway, showing her his back, dismissing her. She felt her eyes welling up. She felt sad about the way he _thought_ the world saw him, but that sadness made way to slowly rising anger about the way he brushed her off his shoulder. Like some insignificant bug. All that sudden anger opened up the way to something else. Something that was too hard to control.

 _Oh no you won't!..._

In three steps she was in front of him. She placed her hand upon his shirt and felt his muscles contracting under her palm. She wanted to cry out to his face that he had no right to shoulder her like that, when she was only trying to help him. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry she showed him her engagement ring and that only a couple of hours back she was fantasising about him while she was making love with Mark.

But no words came out. She just stood there in front of him, panting 'What the hell are you doing?' he asked, but his voice was barely heard.

Maybe her intoxication played a good part in her decision, but before she knew it, her body closed up the space between them and leaned on his. She raised her arms and wrapped them around his shoulders. She pulled up to the balls of her feet and her face came inches from his. Her lips parted as she looked at his face, which was in clear shock.

His dark eyes were trying to understand what was happening, his brow was clouded and his mouth was drawing in shallow breaths, but he didn't push her away. Emboldened, she came even closer and touched his lips softly with hers. Their softness was enough to melt her core. She closed her eyes and held back the gasp that almost escaped her. She opened up her mouth and took his lips between hers, enjoying their warm wetness. His breath quickened and the muscle on his shoulder blade tightened up.

She flicked her tongue to his upper lip testily and then it happened. The last thing she would have expected. He kissed her back gently, sending waves of pleasure down her body. When he felt her pausing in uncertainty he opened up his mouth and kissed her lips softly, alternating between the upper and the bottom lip. Taking his time with them. Her inner muscles responded quickly and accordingly to his sensual touch and she forgot all of her restrictions. As they kissed for a few long moments and the world around her began fogging up, he whispered upon her lips 'Mrs. Granger?'. His voice was soft and questioning. He didn't pull back from her, but his voice made her realise what they were truly doing and the realisation was rather violent on her.

She inhaled in shock and pushed him away.

 _What the fuck have you done, you bloody fool?!_...her mind screamed.

He was _looking_ at her rather confused and her turn on got washed away under a cold wave of embarrassment.

'Forgive me, Professor!' she muttered and stepped backwards.

She almost stumbled and cried out in fear. He made a move to catch her, but she raised her hand and stopped him. He pulled back 'I am so sorry!' she repeated and tears of embarrassment suddenly got released.

She turned around and run towards the castle. Holding her robes close to her freshly awoken body. Trying not to think that he was still looking at her. Trying to forget what she had done with him or how wonderful it had felt. Her heart palpitated and her lungs tried to get in more air as she run confused, aroused and blushing from head to foot back at her apartments.

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	24. Chapter 24

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A/N:

\- /u/6266213/ (K3ystone) This lovely lady, has agreed to help me shape this up, by being my beta. I want to thank her for her brave decision to take on this holly mess *.*

\- Explicit sexual content in this chapter. If you feel like this will offend you in any manner, refrain from reading further please *.*

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'Severus can you hear me?' Lucius said and tried to attract his attention unsuccessfully for the third time in a row.

It was not that he was not listening to the man. It was just that his mind was otherwise occupied with thoughts far more important. The main figure in them was a certain young brunette that had turned his whole world upside down and inside out. What took place yesterday evening was enough to blow him away. Enough to temporarily make him forget the reason that he was still stuck here and all the reasons that led him here in the first place.

Was it difficult to name? Of course not. It was clear as a bell inside his mind. Was he ready to accept it? He was still struggling on that bit. Was he going to pretend it never happened? Hell no. What was he going to do about it? He had no bleeding idea. This young lady, barely creeping out of her eggshell, managed to shock him out of his darkness so unexpectedly, that he was seeing stars in his eyes.

She was a former student for Merlin's sake. He had never thought of her in this manner. Hell, he never had the _time_ or the _hope_ to see someone in this manner ever all those years. He was still struggling to keep alive and of course there was also the matter of Lily. Her memories never left any openings in his life in the past. What about now though? Now, he was alive, he was pain free and he could hope for some kind of future down his road.

He was protected under the steadfast privacy of this school and he was also been given the time to heal before he moved on; But most importantly, for the first time in his life he had left Lily behind, willingly. That had left an opening, which was very narrow, but this young lady, had dug a way through. She managed to approach him, inch by inch, and make all his barriers crumble to the ground.

The fact that she was the one that brought him back, played its part in all this. He was more _sensitive_ towards her, more accepting. So one thing led to another and she kissed him, but that was not what shocked him the most. It was the fact that he reciprocated the kiss without too much thought. He enjoyed her body touching his and her hot breath on his lips. Without too much thought of his past, of Lily, or the fact that only a month ago he was at death's door, he kissed her back and he had to keep himself from deepening the kiss with great difficulty. He exhaled the question on her mouth, wanting to ask her in some manner, if she was certain that she wanted to do this with him. That question shocked her away from him and now he was left sleepless, observing the blazing fireplace with a hard knot abounding in his stomach.

The tension he felt during that kiss was not subliminal, nor was it easy to bypass or forget. He knew it was probably wiser to just let things go, but his primal instincts had kicked in heavily after that kiss and he wanted to let them loose and see were that would lead them. Now came the question, was he sure he wanted to stir things up? Was he ready to get involved in such messy situations?

 _Bloody hell Mrs. Granger, you are giving me a hard time..._

There was the Mrs. thing also. This woman had just gotten engaged and she was out kissing him. The ethics of the current _misunderstanding_ were rather hard to bypass. He really had no idea what to do, but his feet were itching him to stand up and go find her. He was certain that doing so was going to be unwise for both of them. He just didn't know if he cared that much about the consequences, or if in reality he was chasing after them. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen what she was up to since that first kiss on his cheek. Therefore when she found him out there alone in the dark under the full moon, he could have stopped everything by going home. Truth was that he had been unwilling to do so, which meant that he had assisted all this to its culmination. He was a good part of all this alright, she just hadn't realised it yet. He was pretty sure that she was hiding under her covers, all red in the face and unwilling to meet him again.

 _And do I even want to think if she is wearing anything under her robes today?..._ he thought and a strong heat wave thundered through him as he remembered her naked body under those robes yesterday. Because he had felt her naked curves and that image got stuck in his mind ever since.

'Severus, have you heard anything we've been telling you?' it was Narcissa this time that tried to draw his attention.

'Godfather?' and Draco of course.

He shook his head and turned to them. They were all observing him closely 'I cannot do it, I am sorry' he said and rubbed his eyes.

'Godfather please' Draco walked towards him.

The boy had grown up to be a handsome young man, much like his father had been in his youth. Thankfully he had shed off that haughtiness that almost cost him dearly. He reached Severus and sat next to him at the couch 'I don't want anyone else to escort me' he added with a timid smile.

'You don't know what you are asking of me' he replied stiffly and then shook his head dejected.

They arrived as a family to ask him to escort Draco at his wedding. Even though he still felt a deep friendship for Lucius and even though he loved Draco, it was still a very difficult thing to ask off of him. They wanted to draw him out of his sanctuary and that angered him...that...

 _Scares you...admit it. You don't want to do it..._ he winced at his own thoughts.

'It will be a very small wedding, Severus. Just us four and a couple of relatives. No one else' Narcissa tried to reassure him.

'The world hates us remember?' Lucius smiled bitterly 'We are trying to keep a low profile, my friend, for the sake of our children. Draco began his life anew and he has a good job. We don't want to ruin all that for him. We have become very prudent' his friend said.

'Have you seen what's out there?' Severus couldn't help himself then. The tension escaped him in hot waves as he lifted himself and walked towards the window.

They looked at him.

'Out there is a horde of man eaters, ready to lick my bones, for bones is all there's left of me these days, haven't you noticed?' he asked.

They remained silent.

'I _will not_ expose myself to them, if I can help it. I have not returned to this world willingly. I have said so too many times to them out there...' he said pointing this time towards the door '...and to you in here' he said looking at Lucius '...I was brought here by my failing health. Fool I was for thinking myself brave enough to drag myself into the woods and die. When the pain truly hit, it blinded me. As it took my breath away and I was struggling to keep on my feet the last thing on my mind was to crawl up somewhere and die. When death reached me the only thing on my mind was how much I wanted to live. That landed me here. I would have never chosen that path, had logic ruled my mind at the moment of crisis. Alas though, it was instinct that did the trick. Therefore I will choose to remain hidden like a miserable coward, till I grow strong enough to get the hell out of here...through the back door. Do I make myself clear?' he said trying to keep control of his emotions that welled up inside.

Lucius stood up and came over to him 'Severus I understand your need to hide. I also understand that this _exposure_ has been unwilling. Nevertheless it happened and it cannot be revoked. You want to walk out the back door, but how long do you think that is going to remain a secret. They are going to find you in the end. Now that they know you are alive they will not rest until they find you' he said.

'How?' he asked.

'Easily in the wizarding world' Lucius smiled.

Severus raised his brow at him and returned the smile.

Lucius's smile died down slowly 'Wait, what...' he asked partly confused.

Severus walked and sat down again.

'You do not intend to live in the magical world, do you?' Narcissa asked solemnly.

He shook his head 'No'

'How long are you going to play along the muggles then?' Lucius asked angrily.

'For the rest of my bleeding life. When I am through with this place, I am going to break my wand in half and retreat at a place where no wizard is going to find me' he replied dryly.

'Oh, Severus' Narcissa wiped her eyes.

'How can you betray our kind this way?' Lucius asked emotionally.

'The kind that betrayed _me_ first?' he thundered '...what are you talking about!? Find me one thing that ties me down to magic'

'It's your nature. Severus you are one of the most powerful wizards of our age' Lucius replied.

'My real power is my ability to live as a muggle and I am going to use that fully when I get the chance' he retorted '...I don't like wizards and they don't like me'

'You are one' Lucius replied.

'As I am a muggle also that on it's own right doesn't mean anything. The magical world betrayed me, even though I gave my blood to save it. It is ungrateful. The muggle world never did anything to me and I am going to give it a chance, this time for good' he rejoined.

'How long do you think you are going to be able to survive without magic?' Lucius asked.

'Did it for seven years, intend to try it for far longer' the hard retort.

'Godfather you have a lot to teach the young ones, don't do that' Draco said.

'They are surrounded by wise wizards of great ability who can do the same job much better than me' he replied.

''But you need to pass down your experience, Draco is right' Lucius said.

'Pass it down as Dark Magic or how it feels to live inside Hell? You cannot pass down such experiences for educational purposes and they can never be truly experienced unless they are lived through. Which is something I don't wish to anyone. My life is not a prototype to be experienced, it has ascended from HELL' he growled with menace.

Lucius sat down heavily and rubbed his forehead 'I don't know what else to tell you' he said solemnly.

'Why is there need for more words?' he asked.

'We don't want to lose you again Severus' Narcissa spoke this time and her eyes were gazing at him steadily.

He drew a deep breath 'I will keep contact with you this time' he replied slowly.

Lucius raised his head 'I don't want to mess around muggles' he said.

Draco threw his hands in the air 'Get over it father!' he cried.

'Hold your tongue!' his father pointed at him threateningly.

Draco turned around and leaned upon the mantelpiece looking dejected. Severus looked at them thoughtfully 'Come here, boy' he said to Draco.

The boy looked at him and then at his father 'Come here' Severus repeated calmly.

Draco sat next to him and send a cold wave towards his father 'Listen to me son, I love you and I want the best for you, but what you are asking off of me is very difficult. If you respect me, you will forget it. Now tell me, when is the wedding due?' he asked.

'Seventeenth of September' Draco replied quietly.

'Very well I will come visit you and your wife at the eighteenth. Will that do?' he asked.

The boy closed his eyes for a few moments and when he opened them a smile was painted on his lips 'Yes Godfather, thank you' he said.

Severus squeezed his shoulder 'That's all I can do for now, Draco. I wish you a happy and healthy life. You have chosen wisely my boy. Keep on making wise decisions' he said with a lopsided smile.

'Thank you' Draco replied with a solemn nod.

Lucius made an attempt to speak, but Narcissa was quicker than him. She raised from the couch elegantly and approached him 'Severus, we require nothing more than your presence in our lives. If it be through the muggle society then so be it. Right Lucius?' she asked turning towards her husband.

He raised his head rather unwillingly and looked at his friend. With great reluctance he nodded 'Yes, of course' he said, but it was clear that those words were not truly meant 'But, I will not refrain from telling him that he is depriving the world of a magical knowledge that is unsurpassed these days and that is a great pity' he added.

'The world pushed me aside as a dark outcast years ago. It's too late now' Severus's hard reply left no openings for debate.

'I think we are all wise enough to put this conversation to rest, right?' Narcissa looked at them all.

No one answered.

'I've noticed that you are ready to go out. We caught you at the door when we arrived. Going anywhere important?' she continued conversationally.

'I was on my way to the laboratories' he said.

'I am _still_ surprised that they let you use them so freely, not even checking on your progress. Kind off unwise to let a wizard of your calibre, alone to his own devices with unlimited resources' Lucius said.

 _Unless they have a tap on me through a young and very provocative brunette..._ another reason to speed up a communication with her.

'They have no reason to fear me anymore Lucius' he replied.

'Father, he doesn't even want to be here' Draco said.

'How is the potion going?' his friend asked, finally deciding to give him a break.

'It's moving along fine. Could be ready by the end of the week' he said.

'You look very well Severus. You have gained weight' Narcissa noticed.

 _And all these developments should be credited to her..._ This Granger woman had stormed into his life in a very bossy manner.

"I have to admit that the current potion is working rather well. I feel good' he stumbled at a word visibly.

'Granger is making it for you isn't she? One of your star pupils, was she not?' Lucius let some of his old loftiness shine through when he used her name.

 _Old dogs can't learn new tricks..._ he thought. He was an old dog too, far too old to learn new tricks, and yet this woman was drawing him into a game he couldn't possibly win.

'Yes, she has done a rather commendable job' he replied.

'She was very clever' Draco remembered.

'She is also muggle born if I recall correctly' Lucius noticed.

'Every single time you speak about muggles, you also speak of me. Now give it a rest" he said to Lucius and then he turned to his godson "She is still clever, Draco' he admitted.

'And very bossy' Draco added.

'Also Muggle born' Lucius repeated, this time with a smile.

'It's not as if you or your friends ever gave her a chance' Severus replied at Draco, with a small lopsided smile of his own and glared dryly at Lucius.

'She didn't need us to give her a chance, but you. She was always chasing after your approval, since you were the only teacher never giving it to her' Draco replied.

'Well she got it in the end' he rejoined.

'When?' Draco frowned 'I remember you belting her till the very end' he said.

'She got it when she decided to work solo against Riddle and saved Potter and Weasley' he replied raising his brows 'That is when I offered her my silent help against that madman' he said quietly.

A long pause fell to the room were each tried to weigh this information according to their own personality 'Yes, she was rather brave' Lucius admitted grumpily.

'Brave? Just brave? A young girl, barely eighteen casting an Oblivion on her parents and sending them to Australia. Then embarking alone in the English countryside, with no help from anyone and no way of knowing where to go? She had more courage than many people I know' Narcissa declared fervently.

'Admittedly, she is quite admirable' he raised his head and looked out the window. Now this admirable young woman was acting unwisely with him and he wanted to find out why. He also wanted to find out if she was susceptible to act unwisely with him again...however perverted that sounded even to his own ears. This admirable young lady now provoked him with something far more dangerous than plans for winning a war. She was provoking him as a ...woman and his bodily reaction to that provocation hadn't been innocent at all.

'Why did you decide to alter her potion, godfather?' Draco asked.

'That was the master in me, he couldn't keep silent' he replied with a lopsided smile and raised himself from the easy chair.

They all followed his example 'I think we should get going and let you catch up on your work' Narcissa said kindly.

'Thank you for visiting me again and Draco?' he said turning to the tall young man. The boy approached him quickly and squeezed his hand 'I am _very_ happy to see you well and prosperous. The news about your marriage complete the picture of happiness. May you be healthy and wise' he said.

Draco smiled widely and nodded 'It is an honour to see you again godfather and thank you for ...' he paused briefly and looked towards their interlocked hands '...thank you for saving my life' he said finally and raised his intense gaze to Severus.

'Keep on walking towards the light' he replied calmly.

Draco embraced him then with a fervour that was not expected. Severus returned the embrace. For a man that hated to be touched, he was been subjected to that torture very much recently 'I will godfather, take care' the boy replied and then quickly turned away to hide his tears.

Then it was the turn of Narcissa who reached him and touched his hand 'We had our hands interlocked this way when you swore to save my boy. And you did. For that I owe you my life. Don't push me out of yours, Severus please' she said tears now running freely down her cheeks.

'I won't Narcissa...thank you...' he said stumbling visibly in front of this raw representation of emotions.

She backed away from him with one last tight squeeze and joined Draco. Lucius stood in front of him 'I told you before and I will tell you again. I owe you my son's life. Our house is yours if you want to use it, but if your choice is the muggle world then so be it. Remember I will always be here for you and if it isn't me, then Narcissa and Draco will fill my void' his eyes gazed at him with touching honesty.

'Thank you' Severus replied with a smile of appreciation.

'Can I come back next week to see you?' his friend asked.

'You are always welcome' he answered quietly.

Lucius joined his family and soon the door closed behind them. Severus remained perfectly still, partly digesting the conversation he just had with them, partly trying to stop himself from thinking about Granger. After a few moments he decided to move on with his business, trying to convince himself that it would be a better idea to just leave things alone. What was he doing thinking that he should stir things up? What good would come out of all this...He was with one foot barely inside this castle and with the other just recently risen from the grave. He was fit neither mentally nor physically to sexually pursue a young woman. After a long debate he managed to convince himself that he was an old fool and that he needed to keep in the company of his books and of his potions.

He did a good job for the rest of the day. He pushed Granger to the back of his mind by reading, sleeping, working on his potion and then ending his day at his desk again reading some medical newspaper articles; But the small flame she had ignited yesterday was still burning and it was slowly consuming him. As the night crawled in slowly and his apartments became dark he began obsessing about her again and after half an hour the need to see her was so strong that he couldn't resist it.

The debate inside him finally closed down and the prudent part of his mind was the great looser. When he placed the newspaper down and closed his eyes, he was already decided to seek her out. He would find her and give her one last chance to run away from him or maybe explain herself more properly. Remaining silently observant would have been the wisest course of action, but he was really curious, not very wise and thoroughly challenged by her attitude.

He closed his eyes and his focus became sharp and directed towards her. He let got of his magic, which rolled off of him in plentiful waves towards every direction. He mentally scanned the corridors and the classrooms, the common rooms, the library, the astronomy tower, even outside. The only place he didn't scan on purpose was her apartment. It was a place of privacy that he didn't want to intrude inappropriately. That mental scanning continued for several minutes before his eyes opened up slowly and focused intensely on his door.

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The walk to the top of the Northern Tower, were the Divination classroom stood, was quick and decisive. The thoughts that run through his mind, scarce. He was determined as to his course of action. Now everything depended on what _she_ wanted out of him, because he was far too old to really want something out of her and far too wasted. He reached the classroom quickly, not losing his breath as he expected on the winding staircase. He placed his hand upon the door handle and swallowed a suddenly dry throat. With one last inhalation he pushed the door open.

The place was softly lighted by candles that made the red colours of the curtains and the cushions even more cosy and warm. She sitting at one of the low soft chairs. Her head was resting on her hand, but she looked up sharply, the moment he came in. The shock was visible on her countenance.

'Professor...' she acknowledged, but that was about it.

'What are you doing up so late, Mrs. Granger?' he inquired quietly, his tone carefully measured.

'I was...trying to do some work' she said and closed up the neck of her robes.

The thought of her naked again made his throat go dry 'What work could a Professor of Potions have in the Divination classroom?' he asked.

'Mark wanted me to gather up some material for him' she avoided his insistent stare.

'At twelve at night?' he inquired and advanced towards her carefully.

She looked up at him fleetingly and then down at her hands again 'Will you remove points from me or what?' she whispered.

'If it was in my power I would have done so Mrs. Granger. As it's not, I will only observe you' he said softly.

She raised her eyes at that 'Observe me?' she asked.

He nodded and touched the table that she was sitting on 'Yes, observe you' he repeated.

'What am I, a laboratory experiment to you?' she asked and her voice sounded strained.

'No, but I wonder if I am one to you' he said quietly.

'What _are you_ talking about?' she spat.

He drew back and sat down across her. He touched the crystal ball with his finger 'I, Mrs. Granger, am here to sort a couple of things out with you' he said solemnly.

She raised her eyes and she looked at him cautiously 'If this is about last night...' she stopped and tried to read his eyes. He raised his brow and she sighed "I already asked your forgiveness for that mistake. It was a momentary lack of self control, I never intended to invade your privacy in this manner. Once again, please forgive me'

He raised both brows thoughtfully 'It's rather odd, you know. This whole thing' he pointed at the air in an abstract manner.

She frowned "What do you mean?"

'I am trying to make some sense out of all this and out of you, but I am not having much luck' he spoke dryly.

She questioned him with her eyes.

'When I collapsed in front of the gates, it was just pure luck that you found me. I can grant you that incident, but for all the rest you have to answer to me' he said coldly.

'I am not following you Professor...' she rubbed her forehead and tried to avoid his eyes.

'I'll help you out by naming each question. First of all _why_ did you talk to me when I was in a coma?' he asked never taking his eyes from hers.

She covered her mouth and inhaled deeply. She looked at him intensely for several seconds. Finally she withdrew her hand and raised both her brows 'Because you seemed so alone. People were offering you only pain through tubes and needles. Because I didn't know if you felt _this_ alone inside you mind and I wanted to offer you _some_ measure of comfort. Because I secretly hoped that I was helping you in some manner. Will that explanation do?' she asked.

'So it was out of the goodness of your heart that you started reading your muggle books to me. Why did you feel the need to tell me your private worries also?' he inquired thrusting his chin forth demandingly.

She rolled her eyes 'That was a momentary lack of self control Professor. I had some personal issues and you were the safest person I could confess to' she replied quickly.

'Safest because I couldn't answer to you, correct?' he asked.

She nodded.

'You never thought I was listening, did you?' he pursued his relentless questioning.

She shook her head negatively.

He observed her for a couple of moments and then nodded partly satisfied 'Was it from the goodness of your heart that you adjusted my covers all the time?' he asked.

She drew a deep breath 'I didn't want you to be cold professor, you were very ill. I was taking care of you. I felt a responsibility towards you. What's so difficult to understand?' she asked feeling on the defensive all the time.

'Was it because of that sense of responsibility that you run after me when I stormed out of the castle?' he tilted his head.

'Yes' she nodded.

'Must have been very strong indeed, in order to risk your own life by coming after a Death Eater that was half out of his mind' he spoke thoughtfully. Trying to understand what her game was. He wanted to push her to the limits and see if she was going to follow or if she was just a pawn in a very dirty game on his behalf.

'You don't understand' she started, but he cut her off.

'I am sure you will make me understand in the end. Now tell Mrs. Granger, was it that sense of responsibility that led you to intervene with the Malfoy family on my behalf?' he asked loftily.

'I knew you were a good friend of Lucius and Draco's godfather. I only tried to offer you, what I would have wanted for myself, had I been sick. Friends and family' she replied solemnly.

'Very admirable on your behalf. Was this the same reason for giving me a muggle book? To introduce me to your _friends?'_ he asked.

'I just wanted to give you a present' she said in an explanatory manner.

He nodded 'For making it alive I suppose?' he asked with irony.

She looked at him and licked her lips briefly 'For much more than that, but mainly for not making me embarrassed in front of Minerva and Poppy. For never telling them that I was secretly coming to you every night' she replied softly.

'Very well. Why did you offer me food? Just to humour you, I will accept everything else, but I cannot understand that. Why would a young woman, just about to get engaged, spent her free time cooking a meal everyday, for a decrepit man whom she barely knows. Especially without having anything to gain out of it?' his voice became dry and heavy.

 _Why...? tell me why..._

She watered her mouth and averted her eyes. A long silence ensued that was thick enough to cut with a knife. When she looked back at him her eyes were wet 'Because I care about you professor, I thought you understood that' she said honestly.

'All this then brings us to yesterday, Mrs. Granger. Was it because you cared about me so much that you... _kissed_ me' he asked heavily.

She snarled 'I was rather drank and I lost my self control' she dismissed him.

'You seem to be losing your control very easily Mrs. Granger' he frowned and stood up.

'I am only human' she exclaimed in defence.

'Yes of course. You are also filled with emotions of goodness and kindness is running out of your ears' he spat and walked towards the door.

'Why are you been so mean to me? What reason have I given you?' she asked and dried a tear that rolled down her cheek.

'Because I cannot believe you'd stoop so low. Fondling and kissing someone, just because you need information out of them' he retorted heavily.

 _It's out...now lets see..._

Her mouth dropped open and she sprang out of her seat, making it overturn 'How dare you!' she exclaimed 'I know you never liked me at school, but since you got back I did everything I could to help you. _EVERYTHING_ I could to assist you! You think that I did all that because someone ordered me to do it? Don't think of me so low Professor! I am not ... _you!'_ she spat and walked quickly up to him. She tried to push him away from the door in order to open it up.

His jawline tightened and he pulled her back. She turned and fell on him with a wild face and shocked eyes. He grabbed both her arms and pushed her to the nearest wall, pinning her body upon it with his. She shrieked, but he covered her mouth with his wide palm.

'Silence' he commanded.

She remained looking at him wide eyed.

He spoke softly, looking her deep in the eyes 'Keep your little mouth shut, young lady'

She pulled her face free and shook her hair out of her eyes angrily 'What do you want from me, haven't you tortured me enough for one evening?'

He pushed her back to the wall and his thigh pressed between her legs suggestively. A gasp came out of her and she frowned in confusion. He lowered his mouth to her ear and grazed it with his lips. Her body tensed immediately.

'Yesterday, you kissed me. Did you not expect me to return the gesture?' he spoke softly and caressed her earlobe with his lips.

'I don't know...' she mumbled. Her hands were not resisting him anymore, they were limp under his.

He kissed her earlobe gently and started trailing his lips softly at her jawline 'Very well then, Mrs. Granger, here I am getting filthy with you, and I am about to get worse. You have one chance to leave. Now use it!' he kissed the deliciously soft skin at the side of her mouth and then pulled back slightly. Her breath was quick. He released her and placed his hands on the wall at each side of her shoulders. She was free to run away from him, like she did yesterday.

'Do it, leave' he whispered, tilting his head to her. Daring her to make a choice for both of them. Counting the seconds till she would slip away from him and prove that she had not been for real. That someone else had put her up to this. Proving to him once again that the world was fake.

 _Be wise...do it...leave!..._ his mind willed her to decide.

His body was unable to follow his gallant offer for freedom though. He pushed her against the wall again, trying to feel her curves through the layers of her robes. Her chest tightened and her breath hitched audibly. Instead of running away and making all his assumptions come true, she turned and touched softly the side of his mouth with her lips. One of her hands circled around his arm and her eyes burned through him.

He closed the distance to her lips and caressed them with his own 'Do you want me to kiss you?' he murmured.

She gasped an almost inaudible 'Yes'

'I cannot do that' he frowned, but his long fingers trailed down her neckline. His fingertips felt the softness of her thin robes 'Your ring says that you belong to another man. You are not mine to kiss...but, I can _do..._ other things to you' he whispered and lowered his head onto her neck.

Her breath became laboured and she turned her head away to allow him access. He opened his mouth and kissed her neck softly, feeling her body lifting up to him appreciatively. His fingers circled her breast and he found no resistance from a bra. She was naked under those robes and he felt his throat drying as his fingers touched a peak that was already taunt. Her body convulsed under him and one of her legs wrapped around his buttocks drawing him in. He rolled his finger lazily around her nipple and moved the fabric on it torturously slow. She pressed her open hips on him, trying to offer herself some form of relief with his body. She was panting and her eyes were closed. He looked up and smiled in satisfaction. He had barely touched her and she seemed to be coming undone.

'You are a hot little minx' he whispered upon her throat. She pulled his head with a groan of agreement and he smothered his lips on her neckline sucking on her greedily. He removed his hand from her breast and she whimpered in protest, but that didn't last long. He opened up her robes and his tongue trailed down her chest and began worrying her sensitive skin gently. Her body jerked up and her head crashed on the wall behind. He winced and wrapped his hand behind her head 'Are you ok?' he asked slightly frowning.

Her leg tightened around his hips and she hissed 'Don't stop, please, just don't stop'. She looked at him through dilated eyes, with her mouth half open and he bit on his lower lip wantonly. He lowered his head and his tongue circled around the sensitive peak of nerve endings, sending her to a spiralling pleasure. Her breath became sharp and her body began grinding on him. Her hand went down to touch him, but he pulled back with a loud hiss.

'Don't touch me!' he commanded and kept her hand still.

She threw her head to the wall and looked at him through hazy eyes. Her tongue reached out and licked her lips.

'I will give you the satisfaction you need, but don't touch me' he repeated heavily.

"Ok" she nodded and her naked bosom heaved. Her nipples were taunt and hard and there was a bead of sweet forming between those youthful mounts. The sight of her so horny almost made him loose his control. He didn't allow himself to yield though, for now he had to concentrate on how to please her. Something that didn't seem too difficult as she was all ready for him. He turned his head around and began licking gently around her other breast. She pushed her body on him and he opened up his mouth and took all of it inside. He felt her hard nipple at the back of his tongue and closed his eyes. A low growl came from his throat and as it vibrated through her breast she whimpered incoherently and opened up her legs more for him. His hand shuffled around her robes and found their edge quickly. She was mostly naked underneath and she felt his hardness pressing rudely on her, searching for relief. She was driving him crazy and he couldn't afford that. He had to remain in control.

His hand trailed up on her thigh and found the end of her knickers. He slid his hand inside and cupped her wet mound demandingly. He pressed it and touched her forehead with his. She inhaled sharply and her nails dug on his shoulders.

'You are soaking wet...' he hissed and bore his teeth at her. Feeling his own breath labouring he parted her and soaked his fingers in her wetness. She moaned and tried to kiss him urgently.

'No kisses' he commanded and she threw her head back to the wall dejected and closed her eyes tight at the pleasurable onsaulght that his long fingers were offering her. Her nails dragged on his shoulder blades on purpose. Trying to show him how much she wanted this, how much she needed him to finish what he started. He lowered his head to her neck and began sucking again and at the same moment he slipped one finger in. He gathered more liquids and spread them all around her, touching her centre and driving her crazy. She inhaled sharply and bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. Her body arched up to him and she groaned, forgetting the silence that was always present in her love making with Mark.

'Do you want to come all over my hand?' he asked, his voice now husky and deep.

'Yes, please...' she whispered and another sharp inhalation resounded like a whiplash in the room as he began circling her nub with the right amount of pressure. She felt the world narrowing down to that hot pulsating line of pleasure that was burning up under his fingers. Excruciating tension began building at her melting core and the need for release became so intense that her insides cried painfully. "Don't stop, don't...stop" she gasped and a guttural groan came from her as he kept on his persistent caress. Her body instinctively began moving to the rhythm he set for her, trying to match the movement of his fingers. The edge of her eyesight became blurry and she forgot all about the place they were in and how loud her sharp breaths and inarticulate groans were. Her body tensed beyond recognition and she bore her teeth as her core wound up higher and higher. She squeezed her eyes tight and her hand grabbed hold of his hair firmly. His deep groan made her open up her eyes. His dark eyes were blazing upon hers and his breath was laboured 'Come for me' his deep voice echoed through her spine and at that moment she felt the world exploding as she came apart under his hand.

She buried her head onto his neck and muffled her moans on his leather jacket. Her body twitched under him uncontrollably and he gasped in response to her passion pushing two fingers inside her. She rode his hand greedily until the frantic contractions of her body finished. When he felt that her breath was slowing down and her hands were unclenching from his shoulders he pulled his hand out of her stained knickers. He pulled back and looked at her smugly. She supposed he had every reason to be smug right now. She leaned back to the wall feeling wasted. Her legs were trembling and she wanted to desperately sit down, but she didn't move away from him. He lifted his wet fingers between them and looked at her.

'Clean me' he said in such a softly suggestive tone that her insides clutched again in need. She looked at his fingers and and opened her mouth taking them in. As she sucked them clean her eyes looked at him with an intensity that almost broke him apart. He bit on his lower lip and stifled a groan. It needed amazing control not to have her right there and then. Exactly as she was, with her after orgasmic glow, her hair out of order, her breasts out and her legs all sticky and sweaty.

When she finished she kissed his fingers with a small satisfied smile and raised her brow at him 'Did I do well?'

He pulled back from her and straightened his jacket 'You did exceptionally good. I think today's small adventure will do wonders for your sleep tonight' he added and his lips curled up in a knowing smile.

She leaned her head back to the wall and looked at him with a soft smile 'I think you are right...'

He raised his brow and scrutinised her from head to foot 'Mrs. Granger, I will leave you now and this incident will never be repeated, unless you want to. If you do want more, next time you see me, wear no bra and knickers' he said calmly.

She swallowed hard and kept her intense stare on him.

'Now shape up Mrs. Granger, you are a Professor in this establishment and your current attire is disgraceful...' he chastised her with a playful tone. Before she could answer he left and closed the door behind him.

When he was outside he felt himself throbbing and painful. He adjusted himself above his trousers and muttered 'Fucking witch...'. He walked quickly back to his apartments in order to take care of himself this time.

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A/N:

\- I understand that Hermione makes no sense sometimes in this story. I don't know why she came out this insecure and confused. I honestly cannot remember my psychological condition all those years ago. That whole time is very foggy. When I wrote the story I think I was equally insecure and confused and going through some rough times. You can say that I didn't write her very well and that my own problems voiced through her, which is sad really :(

\- This may become hard for some people as it goes along, because it touches deep issues, such as infidelity.

\- I have to thank you all for your kind words of support. Every review makes me happy and gives me insight on how the people that are reading it, feel. It is so important to me. Makes it all worth while. Take care everyone *.*

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	25. Chapter 25

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 ** _Α/Ν:_ If this story suddenly started making a LOT more sense and it is not offending to your eyes, it's because of \- /u/6266213/ (K3ystone). This brilliant lady is giving this story a huge makeover and I am very grateful to her! *.* **

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_Ok now what?._..she thought as she stood there in front of the laboratories with her hand ready to knock.

Her heart was racing and her breath was far too excited for her prudent nature. She swallowed and felt her throat dry. She lowered her hand and ran it through her hair, one more time looking about her. For the third time, she had decided against knocking and ultimately opening the doors. He was in there, she could hear him working, and she was burning to see him. Even though she knew this was very wrong. All of it, wrong and immoral, and yet, she couldn't help it. For three days straight she managed to sit silent in her apartments like a good little girl, playing housewife to Mark. She was trying hard to forget what happened between her and the Professor in the divination classroom, managing rather well when she was awake and occupied by other chores, but during the small hours of the night her mind was quick to return to her recent adventure—and she was more than willing to follow it. Truly appreciative about the way it worked her up effortlessly. While dwelling upon those thoughts her cheeks caught fire and rolling waves of regret washed over her.

 _This is Professor Snape you are thinking about...PROFESSOR SNAPE!_...her mind yelled.

She turned herself about a couple of times, straightening her hair and worrying her lower lip with her fingers. He had been her teacher for seven years. He was always cold and distant. He didn't need a former student intruding on his privacy like this. She had never sported the idea of having this man. As a student the thought appalled her. As an adult, she found it impossible to connect emotionally with such a stony personality. They were worlds apart, age and experiences separating them. In fact, they had nothing in common, except that surprisingly powerful chemistry she had felt three days ago which had so easily exploded in her, wanton and sky high. The fire that he ignited within her was too strong to overcome and blazed too hot to forget. Mark never aroused her this much and certainly never so easily. Her future husband was still struggling with the basics, whilst her old Professor made her come undone—when she was still fully dressed—with just his hand. She felt the heat rising within just at the thought of him. It was the same heat that made her seek him out three days later. She wanted to experience him performing again, didn't she?

 _I do...but it isn't right, it isn't...and I am not a slut_...her mind rebelled.

Of course she wasn't. Her parents never raised her to sport two men at the same time. She was against adultery, condemning men and women who performed it to hell's deepest tortures.

 _And yet here you are having done it once and now you are debating of doing it twice_...her mind reminded her.

 _I just want to see him again, to discuss some things_...she replied to herself.

 _Bollocks…you are just going to end up walking through that door, praying that he will touch you the way he did last time. Not only that, this time you are also going to wind up wishing for him to finish what he started._

'Shut it!' she ordered herself and she looked towards the door angrily. He had reduced her into a muttering fool.

 _Well done Professor. Only you could have done that_...she winced and huffed.

Her traitorous little voice was right, wasn't it? She had come all the way down here with one thing on her mind...to make him have her. Why else would she wait impatiently for Mark to leave for his business trip το London for four days? Why else would she bathe thoroughly before leaving her apartments? And above all why else would she be standing outside his doors wearing no knickers...?

 _And no bra_...her mind shook a finger in front of her face judgementally.

Another shameful wave made her stomp her foot. Her eyes looked at the intricate ceiling that had several spider webs at the corners. She was torn between her conditioned knowledge of righteousness—which labeled her an adulteress—and her deep raw need to see this man again; to have him touch her in her most private places and to touch him back. Maybe this time managing to give back some of the pleasure he gave her. Even though she knew how wrong all this was, even though she was betraying Mark and their engagement, she was still standing there expectantly. The butterflies were flying around her stomach, her chest was feeling peculiarly tight, her hands were terribly cold and there was pooling heat in her core. Which was lingering, eating her up, needing release. Unfortunately, Mark couldn't offer that release to her, only the man behind the door could; or at least she only wanted that man to offer it to her. She had been true to those contemplations as she denied Mark any sexual approach all these days.

 _You are such a hypocrite_...she chastised herself and decided it best to let everything go.

She turned around angrily and took a couple of steps down the corridor, but then she stopped. All her anger got washed away by the need to see him again. She was blindly ignoring the heavy history he was carrying on his tired shoulders, not even thinking of who this man truly was, all in favour of her needs. She was sexually toying with a legend...

 _Wait a minute right there..._

Was she toying with a legend, or was the legend toying with her? Three days ago he was the one taking all the appropriate steps to send her to a sexual crescendo. Yes, she had kissed him first, but he could have pretended it never happened. Contrary to every logical expectation he pursued and eventually claimed her. Funny thing was that she was ready to give more than what he had claimed that night. Instead of taking what she offered, he denied her the most intimate touch of all.

 _The kiss..._

Surprisingly coldly, in a moment of passion, he pushed her away and his prickly words pointed towards her engagement ring. She couldn't really blame him. The man had a strange sense of honour. He didn't deny her the sexual release she wanted, but he denied her the intimacy and that particular bit nettled her beyond reason. It inflamed her need to see him even more, because she didn't get the full him. He didn't allow her to have him.

 _Jerk_...she gazed at door with a warning flare that meant nothing to the wood.

This man was as commanding in sex as in everything else he was doing. As authoritarian in the erotic arts as he was in the classroom. He was urging her on with such hot suggestiveness that instead of making her mad, as Mark always did, the Professor made her wet. It was the first time in her life that she had great difficulty keeping silent. She covered her eyes in embarrassment when she remembered how she stifled her moans on his shoulder. She never thought that sex could be so explosive, and that was not even real sex. It was just foreplay, so this kind of pleasure was new and rather addictive. She wanted so much to open the door and look at his eyes again, and at the same time she wanted to keep that door closed and forget that she had committed this folly once...or maybe twice...

Her hand touched the handle 'Twice...yes...' she muttered and turned it.

Every single thought was forgotten under the sexual expectancy that thundered through her as she walked in and looked at him. Standing there in front of his cauldron working meticulously. His sleeves were rolled up and her eyes fell on his dark mark. His hair was tucked back into a loose ponytail, but several black locks were covering his temples and prominent cheekbones.

 _Downright sexy_...she thought.

'Good afternoon, Professor' he spoke softly, without meeting her eyes.

He used her proper title for the first time since he saw her again. Was it a sign of appreciation, or a sign of distance?

'Good afternoon to you too' she answered back.

He gazed at her and immediately she felt too self-conscious. She passed her hands over her loose skirt and tried to forget that she was wearing no underwear solely because he had instructed her to do so...

'What are you doing here?' he asked.

'Well, I wanted to see how you were,' she replied with a small explanatory smile.

'I am keeping myself occupied,' he indicated his cauldron.

'How is the potion coming along?' she asked.

'Making good progress, I am hoping it will be ready by the end of the week' he said.

'Still in a hurry to leave, aren't you?' she mused over his elegant movement around the cauldron.

'Why would something like that change? Have you read the newspapers lately?' he asked. He dropped the scoop on the table and picked out an article. His lips curled up in annoyance.

'What are they saying now?' she asked with a deep frown.

'Read' he threw the paper in front of her dismissively.

The front page had an older picture of him and the title read: 'Professor Severus Snape has barricaded himself into Hogwarts. Officials demand to speak to him'. Below the impressive title, it wrote in smaller letters 'The Minister of Magic is being pressured to lift the wards of the School. The Wizengamot needs to intervene, the secretary of Internal Affairs declared'.

She looked at him thoughtfully, 'The Wizengamot? This is getting serious, isn't it?'

His lips dropped in disdain and he shook his head 'Yes'

'That's why you want to speed things up and leave?' she inquired.

'I don't want that particular group on my back.'

'I could talk to Harry for you...' she started, but he stopped her.

'...Don't bring Potter into this please. It is complicated enough as it is,' he said dryly.

'Well then I can talk to Minerva for you' she said.

'I will deal with whatever needs to be dealt with, in the appropriate time young lady' he replied.

'Very well then, is there something I can do for you right now to help you?' she took a root in her hand absentmindedly and began playing with it.

His eyes gazed at that and his brow lifted slowly. Then he rolled his eyes up to her, making her very aware of the way she was sitting.

'I don't know yet. Where is your husband?' he asked coldly.

'Fiancée...' she corrected.

'Fiancée then' he turned his attention back to the cauldron.

'He is off on a trip to London' she smelled the root. She was trying really hard to look and sound as casual as he was.

'Ah, when the cat's away…' his lips curled up in a lopsided smile.

She felt a pinch of anger, mostly because he was right. 'If you are suggesting that I waited for him to leave in order to come to you...you are mistaken!' she said haughtily.

'Am I?' he asked calmly.

His straightforwardness was painful, but she couldn't blame him for that. After a few tense moments, she felt her back relaxing in defeat and she rubbed her forehead 'No you are not. I couldn't...didn't want to come to you while Mark was still home,' she admitted with difficulty. If he wanted to be honest, then she had to try also.

'Does it feel good to sneak out behind his back?' he gazed at her steadily.

'It feels bloody immoral...' she muttered and returned his gaze with equal steadiness.

You want honesty? I'll give you some...

Was she the only that felt awkward about what took place between them? Did the implications bypass him completely? He looked totally unfazed. Standing there, stirring up the cauldron like nothing ever took place.

'Then why did you come?' he asked and pointed towards the bezoar root. 'Care to strip that for me?' he intoned the word and she blushed away from him.

'I told you I just wanted to see how you are doing' she took the knife and made a vertical incision to the root's skin.

'How do I look?' he asked quietly and observed her hands working.

'Rather well actually, you are gaining some weight,' she looked at him appreciatively.

'I am not going keep it on,' his insistent eyes burned her.

'Why?' she whispered.

'You stopped cooking for me,' his eyes looked at her lips.

 _You sly bastard_...she smiled inwards, already knowing that she had all his attention. Exactly what she intended from the moment she opened the door.

'If I knew that cooking for you was so important, I wouldn't have stopped,' she responded. 'Is it…,' she cut herself off mid thought.

His eyes fell on her lips again and he swallowed hard, 'Is it what?' He closed the distance between them slowly.

She swallowed in nervous expectation as the first needy wave echoed through her body 'Important to you?' she tilted her chin to him.

'Well that depends' he replied softly.

'On what?' she offered the clean bezoar root to him and her hand stopped his advance.

'On what you are going to offer to me' he answered and he took hold of the root. He attempted to take it from her, but she didn't let it go.

he cannot become more suggestive than that...she thought and her throat went extremely dry.

'For the time being I am offering this root to you, is it enough?' her eyes fell on his lips.

He closed the distance between them and his thighs brushed on her knees. She stopped herself from opening her legs with a lot of effort.

Control yourself...her mind frowned.

He looked down at the root that they were both holding tightly. 'Good job,' he murmured silkily. His voice sending another needy wave through her body.

'On stripping a root?' she asked trying on purpose to sound as suggestive as him. She had forgotten all her restraints at that point.

'What else can I give you credit for? That's the only thing you have stripped for me.' His thighs pushed on her knees which parted for him willingly. He slid between her legs and came within breathing distance of her.

'You want me to strip anything else for you?' She bit her lower lip and felt her stomach tilting backwards.

He chuckled close to her ear and a pleasurable shudder rippled through her. 'Is it any use for me to inquire about your underwear?' he asked softly.

Her hands grabbed hold of his biceps and drew him in. 'What underwear?' she asked with a laboured breath that hitched sharply when his clothed hips ground on her naked womanhood.

 _That's it...that's it_...her mind chanted as his lips pulled her earlobe in and his tongue played gently with it. His hand slid up her smooth thigh and pushed her skirt up.

'You are a very provocative little witch...' he kissed the sensitive skin under her earlobe and his tongue left wet trails down her neck.

"I am," she agreed eagerly and her eyes shut down when he began sucking the skin on her lower neck. When his thumb traced her nipple above the shirt, she gasped in pleasure. Her thighs pressed around his hips, locking him in place, and her body arched up to his touch.

'Today we are going to play a different little game,' he whispered and licked up to her chin, opening his mouth and biting on it gently enough not to hurt her, but hard enough to make her understand who had the upper hand at that moment. Her nails dug on his shoulder blades and she whimpered. When his hand traced softly over her centre and barely touched her, she felt her core melting and her insides clenching in need. The need to kiss his lips was almost unbearable.

I have to kiss you...

His hand wrapped around her nape and his fingers entwined in her hair. He pulled her back and his eyes gazed into her very soul. 'No kissing,' he whispered.

'Why?' she whined. His fingers parted and he cupped her wet naked mound demandingly. Hot fiery pain tore inside punctuated by a moan released from her throat.

'Are you mine?' he asked and the centre of his palm rubbed her taunt nipple gently.

'Look at me right now...' she muttered and tried to grind her wet mount on his warm hand. She needed some relief from all this pain. It was becoming unbearable. Why was he torturing her like that? '...what more do you need?' she breathed at him.

'You belong to your fiancée my beautiful lady' he replied quietly. His hand slithered under her shirt and cupped her breast, sending strong shivers through her.

Several throaty sonorants escaped her before she had the ability to create an intelligent sentence in response to that. 'Yet you have no issue claiming my body...'

'It is one thing to satisfy basic needs of the flesh...' his long finger parted her labia and got buried into her wetness. She inhaled sharply and lost all capability to think clearly. Her forehead dropped onto his shoulder and she bit on his shirt, feeling the dry tasteless cotton drying out her tongue.

Gods! I really don't want to discuss seriously right now...

'...and another to claim one's heart and soul. Yours are both taken' he said softly. His fingers circled around her burning core, but never touched it.

She should have expected that this man would be very strict when it came to intimacy of this level. She couldn't mind that he was denying her again. He had every right. She was still engaged, but at that particular point she didn't care about anything. All she only wanted was the satisfaction that his mouth was offering as it wrapped wetly around her nipple and rolled it with his tongue. A long-drawn moan grumbled inside her throat as his teeth bit on her tender skin softly.

'You are so silent...' he pulled back and blew cold air on her wet nipple. Her core overflowed with wetness and her thighs pressed on him. Her mind melted and her hips moved in front of his clothed body, pleased to feel his hardness accommodating her aching core. Her hand reached down to him.

His hand stopped her. 'Don't,' he whispered and licked her nipple one more time.

 _Why...?_

He pushed her hand away, but she wrapped it under his armpit and drew him in. He moved to her neck and started sucking it hungrily. Hermione forgot about the need to kiss him and touch him. She forgot that they were still fully clothed and that she was sitting on one of the stools of her classroom with her legs wide open. Her eyes squeezed tight and she pressed her body on his, grinding rhythmically on his hardness, the roughness of his trousers rubbing angrily on her nub. The pitch of her soft moans was even with her movements and she didn't mind that she was building herself towards her climax without any assistance from him.

But he had other plans for her apparently. He surprised her by picking her up effortlessly. She wrapped her thighs around him tightly and frowned 'What are you doing?' her voice was the hoarse imitation of what she usually sounded like. He brought her to the counter and sat her on it.

'Lie down,' he pushed her down gently.

'What are we doing?' she asked truly confused. Her fingers were gripping his biceps tightly.

'I am asking you questions and you are answering. Ok?' he asked calmly.

She swallowing heavily 'Ok.'

'You are not very expressive in sex, are you?' his lips touched her lower belly and gave her a gentle kiss. Then his tongue came out and began tasting her skin.

She closed her eyes and pushed her head on the hard surface. 'No, I am not.'

'Why are you choking the need to express yourself?' he asked, and licked slowly down to her navel.

Her body jerked and she tried to push his head away from that ticklish area. 'I don't know...' she whispered and groaned unable to shake him off.

He took hold of her hands and pinned them to the desk. 'I think we should play a game.'

'Ok, what kind of game?' she murmured.

He opened her legs wide and revealing her womanhood. She felt strongly embarrassed and extremely turned on at the same time. His hand caressed from her knee, down to her thigh. His mouth kissed her labia gently and she inhaled in anticipation 'I will do my best to elicit a vocal response from you. You will do your best to suppress it. Let's see who wins...' he murmured softly upon her wet skin.

She nodded, 'Ok, although I think it's an unfair game...'

He chuckled, 'Open wide for me, my lady,' he said with a gentleness that was both commanding and respectful.

 _What the fuck is he doing? no one ever...Oh! Gods!_...her mind stuttered. Her toes curled downwards in expectation and she felt his hot breath burning her. When his wet tongue parted her and then licked upwards, he instantly won the game, because she released a deep, throaty moan that echoed inside the laboratories, and her mind slowed down to a halt. She instinctively entwined her fingers in his hair and pulled him onto her. Her sharp breaths came wavering out of her chest. His hands took hold of her hips and held her still as he worked on her gently at first.

'You smell...divine...' he whispered and she arched her back and squeezed her eyes tight. This man had reduced all her being down to her centre—that was blazing with the fire he had ignited in her. Floored by his command over her, she lost touch with the world. As he lapped at her steadily she felt her already wound up tension, spiralling out of control quickly. She was going not going to last long with him buried down there. Her nails dug onto his skull and she barely registered his hissing objection. Her mind shut down to everything else apart from his tongue in her centre driving her mad with want, sending her quickly off the edge.

When he pulled her hands from his head and pinned them on the table again she groaned in objection, but he had an answer that muted her. He opened up his mouth and sucked her, whilst his tongue kept on with its steady caress. The combination proved too much for her control. The muscles of her thighs trembled and her belly tightened hard as she came apart for him with a high-pitched moan, that sounded too loud for the silence of this room. Ultimate pleasure riddled her, as the contractions made her body twitch and jerk. She bit on her lower lip and muffled another moan as her fingers tried to grab hold of him. He kept her arms pinned down and drunk her as her intense orgasm began to subside slowly. When she was starting to feel too sensitive to touch, he released her. Her arms fell limp, and her head rolled to her shoulder. She was softly panting and didn't want to open her eyes. He lowered her legs and placed his arm around her waist, pulling her up.

She winced in annoyance. It was her moment of bliss, she didn't that moment shuttered. 'Please give me a moment,' she whispered, breathless.

He didn't listen to her. He took her in his arms and walked towards his office. She leaned her head on his chest not really caring where he was taking her. He could take her wherever he wanted and do whatever he wished to her. She smiled content as they entered the study and her arm wrapped around his shoulder. He sat down and kept her in his arms. Then she felt something warm wrapping around her. She opened up her eyes and saw that he had covered her with a green blanket. In her sexual afterglow she felt taken care off and her heart filled with happiness. She cuddled inside his arms and rested her head under his chin. He caressed her back calmly and kept holding her for a long time.

'Why did you do that?' she asked quietly. Not wanting to disturb the serenity around them.

'I needed to sit down after this Mrs. Granger. I am not a young man anymore and I am still under recovery from a very serious illness,' he frowned.

'No, I mean this...' she pointed at the blanket. Today he treated her like a lover, not like a one night stand, like he had done the first time. She wanted to know why he was acting differently. She looked at him straight in the eyes.

'You seemed wasted and in need to catch your breath, Mrs. Granger,' he returned the look steadily.

She lifted her fingers and touched his cheek. 'After making me come undone so easily, shouldn't you make an attempt to call me Hermione?' she whispered and run a soft finger down the side of his face, which was unreadable.

His lips curled up contently 'I can try, if you make an attempt to wear a tight t-shirt I know that you own, more frequently.'

His mood turner caught her so unprepared that she laughed. 'That night I never expected that you would find me...I mean...I never intended for you to see me like that. It was totally inappropriate,' she said and turned all red in the face.

'It was actually very provoking,' he smiled and she felt an uncontrollable urge to kiss the up tilt of his lips.

'Can I call you Severus? It is only fair.' She flicked her shoulders.

'If you manage to overcome a seven-year-old conditioning, then be my guest' he replied cleverly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and caressed his cheekbone with her forehead. 'I can try, but it will be very difficult. I mean everything in this is difficult. You see I never expected...you and me ...involved as we are right now,' she was not able to express herself openly.

'The only way we are involved right now, is the sexually,' he replied calmly.

'Well, I cannot blame you for not being straightforward,' she muttered and looked downwards in embarrassment.

'Yes, that particular trait of mine had caused a lot of grief in the past,' he replied.

'I don't care about the grief it can cause. I need that honesty from you at this moment,' she said and looked at him solemnly.

'About what?' he inquired.

'Severus...' she paused slightly at his name and then looked at him in the eyes. '...All this...I mean our situation is kind of awkward. Do you agree in this?' she wanted to know what he thought about all this.

He pressed his lips 'Is this your need to assert your position with your lover after having sex?' he asked, making her go red in the face.

'You could blunt the edges of your comments, they are very prickly sometimes,' she shook her head, half seriously.

'Too old to learn new tricks, so to the point Hermione. Our situation is rather...well...uncommon. I will agree to that,' he said and leaned his head back tiredly.

'It all seems to have happened so quickly. It is hard for me to settle with the idea that we are involved,' she caressed his shoulder lightly.

'It didn't happen so quickly...' his hand caressed the small of her back.

'You mean to tell me that you knew?' she raised her brow testily.

'After a certain point I was skeptical about you, yes; But what is the point in all this, what use is it of?' he asked.

'I don't know where I stand with you. I don't know where I stand with myself either. I feel very confused.' She closed her eyes in despair.

'Mrs. Granger, or rather... Hermione. You just enjoyed sexual activities with an old Professor of yours. It has happened before, I assure you. We are no novelty to the world,' he answered wryly.

'You mean it has happened to you before?' she frowned.

His countenance got darker and his eyes clouded 'When I was working...I had other things on my mind. Far more serious'

Of course, he was right. All those years ago, the last thing on his mind would have been to get erotically involved with anyone. He was living on a razor's edge all the time. And there was also Lily Potter. There had always been Lily Potter, right? A tight knot appeared in her stomach, but she brushed it away. 'Things you don't want to talk about, right?' she tried to approach him.

'Not really, Hermione. Besides I need to get back to work,' he said.

'No please don't go like you did yesterday. Remain for a little while.' She pressed her head under his neck.

He sighed and caressed her back softly, 'I made my intentions clear today. I am not going anywhere'

She felt her chest contracting at the implication of what he was telling her. Their situation was really precarious. 'Even though this was totally unforeseen?' she asked.

'Life is full of surprises,' he replied quietly.

'Even though I used to dislike you in the past?' she gazed at the warmth of his eyes.

'The fact that we shared some sexual experiences, doesn't mean you have to change such a strong conditioning,' he kept his intense gaze upon her.

'What are you talking about? I don't dislike you now...of course not!' she exclaimed and frowned.

He closed his eyes 'I gave you reason enough to dislike me even now. I won the game. You moaned hard enough to be heard at Minerva's office,' his lips curled up smugly.

She bit her lower lip and stopped herself from smacking his upper chest playfully. 'How can you be so casual about what happened between us? Tell me ...and if you can, teach me how to do it,' she said after a brief silent moment.

'So, should I get hysterical, just because my chemistry matched yours?' he replied casually.

'Even though I used to be your student?' She asked really unable to handle his coldness about all this.

He looked at her body with such suggestive appreciation that she immediately blushed. 'You don't look like my student anymore. You are a very appealing woman and I am a man that appreciates beauty. I see nothing complicated in all this, really,' he replied in a measured tone.

'Well thank you about the compliment. Tell me, has this calm facade been up your sleeve all along?' she asked.

'More or less,' he replied.

'Nothing to bother your serenity?' she asked feeling her nerves starting to jaunt from his ability to be so cold about something that burned hot red inside her own mind.

'Some things can,' he replied calmly.

'Oh, I love how you seem so easy about all this. Can you teach me how to do it?' she asked not managing to keep the irony out of her voice. She was getting really annoyed at him seeming so untouched by their encounter.

'What you need to experience in order to adopt this attitude towards life is so dark I would never wish it up on you,' he replied thoughtfully.

She felt deep regret and she lowered her head. Her finger caressed his torso and she swallowed heavily "I am sorry" she whispered.

"Never mind' he replied quietly.

She let uncomfortable silence roll between them for some time. When she saw that he didn't intend to rekindle the conversation, she took over. 'What do you suggest that we do about our non-situation?' she asked.

'Do you perchance mean, what are you going to do?' he asked.

'Me? Are you not part of this?' she asked with a deep frown.

'I am, and my part tells me that we don't need to do anything about this,' he replied carefully.

'You are vague,' she retorted.

'No I am specific. What do you want to do Hermione? That's the main point. Do you want more of this? Then come and I will offer you the satisfaction you seek. Do you want to forget it and get on with your fiancée? Then be my guest. Do you maybe want to have both?' he said with a twist of the lips.

'And all that would mean nothing to you, right?' she rather annoyed by his coldness.

'That's for me to know. The final decision is yours though, for you are the one who is engaged, my lady, not me. I am not the one bearing a responsibility to a third party,' he said with a deep frown of disapproval.

 _I know!...fuck I know!_...she pushed away from him and stood up. The blanket slid from her body. She took a couple of steps away and crossed her arms 'Will you hold me to the no knicker, no bra rule again?'

He stood up also, 'If you want me, I am here...for as long as I ...remain in this establishment.'

 _That's right I forgot about that. You're gearing up to leave as soon as you can. And who can blame you...and do I mind...?_ She gazed up at him.

He raised his brow at her silent scrutiny.

 _...I think I do_...she answered herself.

'What are you going to do now?' she asked.

'Work on my potion,' he replied and cleared some stray hair from his brow.

She sighed and rubbed on her palm. 'Do you want me to help you?' she forced herself to look at him.

'No I think you should go and rest,' he replied with a thankful smile.

'What...time is it?' she asked confused.

'Close to midnight.'

'I don't want to go back at my apartment tonight. Can I stay with you?' All she wanted was for him to take her in his arms, wrap her in the green blanket and caress her until she fell asleep on him.

'Do you intend to sleep here?' he gave her a lopsided smile.

'No, I will work with you until I get exhausted. Then I will go to bed,' she replied with a smile of her own.

Unless you want us to sleep together...she thought, but didn't voice it. He hadn't offered and she was too proud.

'That would be nice, come on,' he said and beckoned her into the classroom.

She followed him dutifully and helped him with the potion for three more hours. She was trying to remain around him as long as possible without betraying to him this weakness. As she worked by his side only one thing kept coming back, twisting her stomach like a bloody vice of guilt. How was she going to handle the immoral fact that she was toying with a future husband and a very skilled lover.

 _I would have never thought myself capable of such trashy behaviour_...she chastised herself angrily and sliced a root. Her eyes peaked at him carefully as he worked above his cauldron. The face she knew so well, now seeing him in a new light...

 _…and yet I want to repeat it...and keep it this way for as long as I can. I cannot bloody help it_...

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	26. Chapter 26

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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!

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'Will you at least sit down?' Minerva offered him a seat.

He glared at her and turned dismissively towards the window. No, he didn't want to sit down. He didn't even want to be there. He wanted to return to his apartments and gather up his pieces. When he read at the newspapers that the Ministry was asking the Wizengamot to lift the school's sanctuary, he went into a raging fire. He sustained the shame of living among the people that betrayed him, in the hopes of healing. He remained only because Minerva's wards allowed him some privacy. Her offer gave him the time to heal slowly. Lately he felt much stronger and his clothes fitted him well instead of hanging loose. His legs rarely got tired and he didn't mind taking his time to come around. He could see a ray of light down the road and that was so rare for him, but the Ministry didn't care about his hopes as it seemed.

'Hadn't I been clear enough in my request for privacy?' he asked coldly.

'Yes, and it has been a request well respected,' Minerva replied calmly.

'Not anymore,' he drawled and moved close to her.

'What do you mean?' she looked up to him.

He placed the newspaper on her desk and pointed at the title that had stirred his emotions up so bad. 'This.'

She sighed, 'I've already read this.'

'Do you know what they want out of me?' his brow creased deeply.

'No, but I can assume,' she replied.

'Assume then...'

'They want you to speak of all the things, you thoroughly want to avoid,' she replied with an honestly that bothered him.

'I can, _maybe,_ understand your need to bring up the past, but the Ministry shouldn't have a reason to stir up the pot,' he let fly.

'I will dare assume that the Wizengamot will have specific requests from you,' she pressed her lips testily.

'Yes, like putting me through another bloody trial for my past crimes,' he felt his stomach tensing with unease.

'I think you are the best candidate...'

'...for a long-term visit in Azkaban?' he sneered.

'To show them how Voldemort used the Dark Arts and organise the Ministry better against such attacks in the future,' she replied carefully.

He felt like laughing, but nothing came out 'Don't try to be nice with me, Minerva. You make my insides twist, ' he retorted heavily.

She signed and closed her eyes, 'You don't have to be so offensive, I get your point.'

'Have they approached you?' his voice was cold and his eyes heavy on her.

'Not yet,' Minerva tried to keep calm under his frigid scrutiny.

'What are your intentions?' he scowled.

'Meaning?' she inquired.

'Do you intend to lift the magical sanctuary of the school? And if yes, I demand to know when,' he pursued his lips. He really hated _asking_ something off her, but this time he couldn't ignore her. She was the Headmistress in this accursed castle, and he needed some assurances.

'No I don't intend to do something like that, unless someone orders me,' she responded rather diplomatically.

He threw his hands in the air. 'Well, that's pretty clear.'

'What do you want me to say? That I will disobey the Wizengamot?' she frowned.

'Oh, of course not. That would be too much for you,' he drawled and crossed his arms.

'Well, it is a slightly demanding request!' she raised her voice.

'Is it?' he whispered and his tongue suddenly tasted bitter.

It was so easy for them to declare their appreciation for the sacrifices he during the war, but when he asked for something in return, he was denied. Those were their true colours, the ones he knew so well all these years. The ones that a young brunette made him partly _doubt, w_ hich was a mistake he was not going to repeat twice.

'Severus listen to me...I have kept this place private in order to give you time to heal. I intend to keep it sealed until you leave, but I cannot stop life. In September, the school gates reopen, and I cannot disobey the Wizengamot without serious consequences to the school,' she said solemnly.

'To the school or to yourself?' he asked turning around coldly.

'To the school! What is wrong with you? Do you take me for an egotistical monster?' she asked raising her voice.

'All the Headmasters of this school are prone to that personality malfunction,' he replied dryly.

'Where have you seen the egotism in me Severus?' she asked rather annoyed.

'Where have I seen it? Dare you ask?' he asked feeling his neck crawling with adrenaline.

'During the year that you have been Headmaster, none of us _knew_ the truth about you,' she got up slowly.

'Spare me,' he moved towards the fireplace, regretting his quick decision to visit her this afternoon.

'No, you wait now!' she exclaimed.

His brow lifted testily and he glared at her.

'I have been trying to talk to you since you regain consciousness! Back then no one knew apart from Albus. No one could imagine the truth. When you assisted his passing on, your guilt seemed indisputable. We were not less guilty for believing that. Please accept my apologies...,' her face filled with anguish.

 _That's quite enough..._

'You worked with me for fifteen years. Back then you believed in my loyalty to Albus and the Order, yet you easily relapsed against me, when it suited you needs. So easy to label me a murderer and become the hero of the day, the noble resistance against me. The bearer the truth and the honour,' he tried hard to control his temper. He saw Albus's painting observing him closely but remaining thankfully silent.

'You think too little of me! Are you suggesting that it was cheaper on my skin to think you a murderer!' she hurled back at him.

'You never thought to look deeper did you? None of you did!' he spat with hatred.

'Albus was dead and Voldemort was controlling the school and was attacking the magical world! No one had the clear mind to do that!' she exclaimed.

Albus turned to him and got ready to talk, but Severus raised his finger warningly at him, 'Don't _you_ dare speak!' he warned. When he saw Albus settling down once more, his eyes fell on Minerva. 'You easily labelled me a killer again, but that was not the worst thing. You had the audacity to slur my name to all the students. Not to mention that you tried to stop my work in this accursed castle, which was to keep all you people ALIVE and your perfect ethics on point!' he roared unable to control himself anymore. That particular conversation made him lose every single thread of self-control.

'You kept us alive and we are solely grateful to you. You are angry with us, I can understand that' she said carefully.

'I am angry with the WORLD!' his voice echoed like a whip inside her office.

'I should have seen the truth behind your actions. Lord knows Albus told me that he trusted you till the end. Alas, I thought you had betrayed us,' she said with sadness.

'Being the traitorous bastard suited me better, didn't it?' he asked with bitterness.

'No it didn't, Severus. It should have been clear to me, because I know you,' she replied honestly.

'You know nothing,' he retorted and made to leave again. She caught him by the arm.

'I know you, I have known you since you were a child,' she said solemnly.

'I have never _been_ a child,' he said heavily.

She withdrew her hand from him. 'I have seen the abusive behaviour of your parents. I have seen what you are made off, and it is painful, but always loyal and brave. Never traitorous...' she trailed off, her large eyes beseeching.

He stiffened visibly, 'Keep your mouth shut old woman...,' he ordered and looked towards Albus warningly. 'If the Wizengamot orders you to open up the gates, I will need to know, beforehand. Is that clear?'

'Yes of course,' she replied.

He nodded and stepped into the fireplace. The first thing he did when he stepped out was to pick up a tray of china and throw it with force to the wall, letting it crash with a satisfying sound as all the broken pieces rebound to the floor. He felt his chest tightening and leaned on the mantelpiece trying to catch his breath. Fear drenched him with cold sweat as he thought he caused himself another heart attack. He silently tried to identify that tightness in his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to understand the pain. After a few dreadful moments, he finally did...

It was not a heart attack, it was seething anger, towards everyone in this damned castle, but above all towards himself for getting trapped in here. He turned around, looking desperately for something else to vent his anger. That is when the door knocked softly. He offered it a menacing glare. He didn't want to open the door to whoever was out there. He closed his eyes and tried to control his heaving breaths. This was why he didn't want to talk to anyone from his past life here. They were going to remind him the exact things that he was trying so hard to forget. That was why he kept in the company of his former student. She was a pleasant present, a small paradise through his hell, a little ray of sunlight, but above all her aroma was vibrant and alive...and he was so tired of seeing death...

The door knocked again. He looked at it, feeling his anger momentarily subside / holding his anger at bay momentarily and straightened. The next knock made his lips curl down in dismissal. Seething to send whoever was knocking out of his presence, he opened the door.

His mind smiled involuntarily when he saw her, but he checked himself with austerity. She was holding a plate that smelt wonderful in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. She raised them both and smiled at him widely 'May I come in?' she asked.

He looked back to his rooms and saw the shattered china...

 _well I wasn't quite expecting her ..._ he thought.

Since the return of her husband he hadn't seen her. She warned him that she would be unable to meet with him often with Mark around and she had been true to her word. She was involved in her housewife activities so he was really not expecting to see her anytime soon.

 _if ever, and does that bother me?..._

His logic told him that it shouldn't. All they were having at that point was sexual foreplays, not even intercourse and it was taking all his self-control to satisfy her repeatedly without accepting what she offered in return, because he didn't _intend_ to fuck her. She was too young and unspoiled to be touched that way by him. She was also engaged to be married. Everything was pointing against anything more serious.

He left her standing by the door and walked to the fireplace. 'Come in,' he offered rather coldly.

She followed him in and closed the door behind her. 'Have you eaten anything today?' she asked and placed the plate and the bottle on the table.

'No,' he replied succinctly.

'What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?' she came around to him and squeezed his shoulder.

'I am a little tired Hermione.'

'Have you taken your medication?' she asked.

'As appointed by St. Mungo's,' he walked to the table and took the wine. He looked briefly at the label and magicked the cork away with a flick of his wrist.

"I see you are quick enough to pick up the wine,' she smiled slyly.

'Any kind of alcohol would be welcome at the moment,' he poured the drink and then emptied it like water.

'Aren't you going to offer me a glass?' she smiled playfully at him, 'I've earned it! I am not wearing any underwear,' she finished with a wink.

He gazed at her intensely as he emptied the second glass. 'I am really too tired to be provoked right now,' he replied and offered her a refilled glass.

She took it in her hands and her sexual glow got lost under a thoughtful frown.

'What happened?' she asked.

'Nothing,' he replied and moved towards the bedroom, unfastening his shirt and his trousers as he walked.

'Severus, you are clearly distressed. You just emptied two glasses of wine without a blink, and you have been sober for how long?' she asked.

He shed off his shirt that fell to the floor and took the drink from her hands. He brought it to his lips and emptied it again. 'Seven years,' he replied giving her the glass back.

She took it with a deep scowl, 'Three glasses. Now are you going to tell me or am I going to bother you, till you do?'

'Where is your husband?' he knew that he was being offensive, but he couldn't stop himself at that moment.

She crossed her arms, 'If you want me out of here, tell me, don't use Mark,' she said and he immediately regretted his manner. He was not upset with her. She was not responsible for his anger, nor should he take it out on her.

He closed his eyes, 'Turn around,' he said to her and murmured a spell that immediately filled the bathtub with water. 'Forgive me Hermione you didn't deserve that,' he said with a wince as he stripped completely and lowered himself into the hot water. He refrained from moaning out loud.

She opened her eyes and leaned on the frame of the door with her arms crossed. 'Want to tell me what upset you so much? Haven't seen you in this state since the second morning you decided to leave this hospital and I stopped you,' she said softly.

He leaned his head back and breathed deeply. When had been the last time that another person quite honestly asked him _if_ he was alright? Shouldn't he be appreciative of what she was doing with him at the moment.

T _his is the woman that saved you...it's the same voice asking you what happened today...not a stranger's voice. Nor a voice from the past..._

He closed his eyes, 'I had a brief meeting with your Headmistress,' he said softly.

'Minerva? What about?' she asked coming inside and approaching the tub.

'About the Wizengamot's intentions of removing the institutional asylum of the school,' he replied succinctly. The fabric of her pantyhose rubbed as she sat at the side of the tub. She was right there in front of him, watching him with such... _care..._

'I see,' she nodded '...and what did she say to upset you so?' she leaned over and took the sponge.

'It matters not,' he sunk under water and began counting. He heard the sound of the air bubbles around him and saw her dark figure above him. Right there another memory slashed through his mind and sent waves of terror all over his body. He saw dark cold waters enveloping him and corpses all around. Seeing the black lake of his coma, hadn't been his intention.

'It matters to me' she spoke close to him and the sponge wiped his face clean tenderly.

 _Are you for real…?_ his mind asked, but he refrained from voicing his thought.

He cupped her hand and stilled her, 'What are you doing?'

She smiled, 'I am taking care of you...as I have done since you returned,' she flicked her shoulders.

That was true alright. She had been taking care of him all this time, without asking for anything in return...

 _well..._

...Ok, with wanting one thing in return, but he was more than willing to give that to her.

She twisted her hand away gently and started cleaning his neck and shoulders, 'You just need to relax for a moment. You are too stressed and that cannot be good for your heart,' the softness of her voice loosened up his knuckles.

'My heart is fine,' his voice was becoming softer by the minute.

'Yet it needs time to heal and it also needs less anger from you,' she moved the sponge so soothingly on his skin that he had to refrain from closing his eyes.

'That's a difficult request,' he winced.

She placed her palm on his chest, 'Will you allow me to relax you?' Her finger began drawing small circles on his wet skin.

'Don't you have anything better to do?' he muttered leaning his head back. He had to admit that her touch was beginning to arouse him.

She bit her lip and rolled her eyes playfully, 'No, how about you?'

'I will boringly tag along,' his lips curled up involuntarily.

She laughed, 'Yes my poor boy. I am boring you, am I?' She put the sponge away and as if accepting his challenge, she started sliding her palms softly over his shoulders and neck, making him shiver in pleasure.

He swallowed hard and heard it loud in his ears. She was getting to him, with her steady and soft touch. Her hand went down under the water and caressed his lower belly. His body stiffened and his throat went dry. His arousal was evident under the water and not far from her stray hand. As much as he wanted to keep his distance from her, at the same moment he also wanted to be touched by that insistent hand.

'Will you remain with me tonight? Where is your fiancée?' he asked.

She leaned forward and kissed his brow as her playful fingers passed close to his erection again and again making him bite his lips in need. 'He is at Hogsmeade with his cousin. Boy's night out. He will return in the morning,' Her warm and wet lips kissed his temple gently.

'He stays out the whole night?' he asked.

'Mm, it's ok. I will find some way or another to keep busy.' Her lips opened up and slid to his cheek

'Mind your manners around me young lady,' his voice became several tones deeper when her fingers curled around the base of his erection and caressed the thick hair around it.

'What's wrong with my manners? I think I am treating you very well,' she replied softly and her tongue came out to trace the line of his jaw.

His Adam's apple moved, and his eyes were dark and intense when he gazed at her, 'You are becoming rather provocative.'

Her tongue licked along his jaw and when she reached his chin she opened up her mouth and bit on him gently. 'I am just kissing you. Kissing you softly all over your face. Exactly like you deserve to be kissed.'

Her arms rested on his shoulders and their foreheads touched, 'Am I doing bad, or ...good?' she closed her eyes and breathed the question to him suggestively.

He raised his wet hand and slid it over her pantyhose.

She screeched playfully and tried pushed him away. 'What are you doing?! You are getting me wet!' she said.

'In _what_ manner am I doing that?' his eyes were dilated with lust. His large hand moved towards her inner thighs.

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, 'Keep it up and I'll tell you in a minute,' she groaned.

'Come here,' he hissed and pulled her in the tub.

She fell into it with a playful yelp. When her buttocks caressed his erection they both gasped. 'Are you happy to see me?' she asked with a hushed voice.

'I could tell you that I've got a thick, long wand in my pocket, but I am not wearing any pants,' his hand eased under her floating shirt and found her breast. He cupped it softly making her moan.

'Good, I want you naked'. Her legs opened up and she straddled him without an invitation. His arms drew her down and she shuddered when his erection pressed on her aching core.

'Tell me...,' his fingers pinched her nipple and her body arched up to his touch, 'Is this what you had in mind for tonight?' he whispered to her.

'Yes' she opened her eyes and looked at him as her body began moving above his. That was enough for both of them. He drew her into his arms and his mouth began ravaging her naked skin as he led them in a flaming rubbing game that made her loose her mind slowly but surely. She let go of every control to him, as his teeth left gentle, but demanding bites all over her breasts and neck. She whimpered pleadingly when his hands spread her buttocks apart and controlled her movement on him. She almost sobbed as the need for a release became unbearable. He wound her up higher and higher and she felt her ears clogging up. She barely felt the water spilling all over the floor as she came apart above him, and she realised only too late that he was coming undone for her a few moments later. It took them several minutes to stop rubbing against each other and to catch their breaths, after that desperate game for control over each other's bodies.

'I think that we...made quite a mess,' she looked around the bathroom. A large pool was moving slowly towards the carpet of the bedroom.

He caressed her back softly 'Come, the water is getting cold' he rose and took her in his arms. An unspoken spell dried them both and the bathroom floor as he walked with her sated towards his bedroom.

'What are we going to do?' she asked as he placed her on his bed and pulled the covers back.

'I am going to go to sleep Hermione. I am an old man and I wasn't counting on jerking off upon you this evening. It wore me out,' he replied honestly and slid under the covers next to her.

'Have I told you that your blunt honesty makes me blush?' she asked getting indeed red in the face.

He looked at her, 'It suits you, so I will opt to use it as frequently as I can.'

'I cannot believe that you paid me a compliment,' her fingers rolled between his hair and he enjoyed her touch thoroughly.

'I am doing everything but fucking you, a simple _compliment_ made you an impression?' he asked playfully.

She covered her face embarrassed, 'You could use better words'. She peeked at him from behind her fingers.

'Like?' he reached up and pulled her hands away.

'How about making love to me?' her cheeks flushed and her teeth worried her bottom lip.

His eyes looked at her lips and he felt an unaccustomed ache in his heart. 'Older people are more...base' he replied quietly.

'No, you are not...,' she smiled at him and her finger caressed his lower lip, sending a shiver down his spine, 'Base, is the last thing that could describe you,' she murmured softly.

'Do you at least believe that I need my sleep as an old man?' his smile came easily when he looked at her beautiful eyes.

'The way you perform on me doesn't betray an old man either,' she rejoined.

He cupped her hand. 'Enough with the compliments. May I get my sleep, please?' His mouth placed a gentle kiss on her palm, that sent goosebumps all over her body.

'Should I go home then?' she blushed crimson from his caring kiss.

'You can either go home, or get under my covers' he felt the first traces of sleep coming all over him.

'Can I sleep here then?' her voice sounded hopeful.

'Feel free to choose,' he smiled and closed his eyes.

He felt the movement of the blanket as she slid under the covers in front of him. After a momentary hesitation were they both held their breaths, she moved backwards and touched her back on his chest. Then she remained silent and unmoving. His sexually content mind didn't think about his actions. One arm eased under her pillow and the other above her waist. He pulled her in and she tucked herself in his embrace eagerly. Her hand cupped his above her stomach and a soft sigh escaped her. 'Goodnight,' she murmured.

He squeezed her hand and smiled behind her, 'Goodnight little lady.'

Sleep came quickly to his tired body, and for the first time in years it was peaceful as he held her tightly in his arms, until the first rays of dawn broke through a small gap in the curtains.

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	27. Chapter 27

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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!

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When her eyes opened, the first thing she saw was his head turned the other way. His chest was rising and falling calmly. He was still fast asleep. She yawned and stretched, feeling his thigh sliding under her leg. She looked at him and a soft smile came on her lips.

She came to him last night with the intentions of having sex, but his invitation to sleep over took her by surprise. With that invitation, he was allowing her a bit more intimacy and that didn't go well with his distant nature; therefore, she valued waking up on his bed even more. The sleep she had in his arms last night had been the _best_ since he returned. It was the most trouble free. Just by knowing that he was safe and feeling his warm body touching hers, was enough to make her sleep heavily.

When he opened the door last night he was so upset, that she got deeply worried about the state of his health. Especially after he consumed three glasses of wine. In the end though he performed with her, despite the alcohol, or maybe because of it. Well not just performed...

 _Purr..._ her mind got enticed by the memory of what they did in his bathroom and almost immediately her inner muscles clutched...they were obviously asking for more this morning. Last night he allowed her to touch him intimately and he used himself to make her reach the wanted climax. To her ultimate pleasure, he followed soon after. She shuddered when she remembered his commanding voice telling her to look at him as he was emptying himself into the water under her. She felt her throat going dry and her cheeks getting hot.

 _Will it be rude if I go down on him now? ...wake him up in this manner?..._ she thought and tried to cool down her cheeks with her cold palm.

This man had something so sexually magnetising that she couldn't take her mind out of the gutter when she was with him. She was unable, but also unwilling, to keep silent in sex. She wanted to arouse him with her moans and groans. She wanted to create an animal out of him, she wanted to make him lose control and she loved every minute of their small adventures. She didn't know if she should feel proud of becoming more liberated during sex. She had a fear that it was this particular man that was causing all these explosive sensations, and not her own need to become more vocal and possessive of her partner's body. Her fiancé never touched her the way her old Professor did, neither was he able to make her come apart so easily. Also, Severus was offering her unlimited pleasure, whenever she asked for it, without wanting what she offered in return. Last night he came apart because she was rocking the cleft of her core on his erection with only the thin layer of pantyhose keeping them apart. It was very surprising that he had lasted this long, with her trying to make him lose control almost every single time she saw him. Nevertheless, she _wanted_ to see him come undone and cry out her name. She _wanted_ to see his face distorted in pleasure, but it was a hard thing to manage. Not because she couldn't do it as it was royally proven yesterday, but because he was able to control himself so well.

 _A man with an iron will..._

A dark cloud covered her brow at that thought. Could she ever forget the reasons that made him so hard willed in the first place? She looked down at his naked body. The blanket was covering up his midsection. His lean and muscular physique attested to a greater bodily strength than she would have attributed to him in the past, even though he was still thinner than normal.

 _He must have been a very strong man once..._ she thought and her eyes wandered towards his torso. It was covered in of scars of different sizes and shapes. She recognised whip and knife patterns and shuddered. Some looked still tender and painful. She wondered if he still felt pain from them, and her fingers traced a few lines on his warm skin. She didn't want to imagine whips lashing out to tear away his skin, nor knives slashing through it. Her gaze moved slowly to his arm that was resting above his head on the pillow. There they remained for the longest time. His dark mark looked carved on his skin, even though it's colour was faded out. A tight knot formed in her stomach.

 _Never forget who he is..._

'Suddenly realising on whose bed you are sleeping?' his husky voice said. His eyes still fresh from the sleep, caught the target of her thoughtful gaze.

'Good morning,' she said with a smile and felt as if someone drew a stale blanket off her mind.

'Back at you,' he replied and yawned.

'As for your question...I know very well on whose bed I am sleeping and I feel proud,' she said solemnly and felt her eyes stinging. It took her by surprise and she frowned.

 _Get out of this mood..._

'Too early in the morning to hear any compliments or debate with you,' he stretched and wrapped his hand around her waist.

'The dark mark...' she trailed off uncertain and her eyes fell on his forearm again.

'Yes?'

'Does it still hurt you?' she looked back at him.

'No,' he met her eyes steadily.

'Can I touch it?' she asked timidly.

He frowned and she tried to dispel his upcoming bad mood quickly, 'No, don't misunderstand me. I don't see you as an experiment. I just want to feel what you have felt...maybe...'

'There you go again, making no sense...' he replied playfully and flushed her against his body.

She felt a wave of excitement and rolled her eyes 'I sounded really stupid and that's not how I usually am' she said.

'But sometimes you regress to being a silly teenage girl, I know,' he replied.

She covered her face guiltily and giggled, 'Forget it, really,' she mumbled.

He remained silent, but his arm was firm around her, not letting her go. He drew her hand away from her face. He was smiling softly at her and she reciprocated quickly, 'Truth is, you are the brightest witch of your age and that's putting it mildly.'

She felt her eyes bulging out of their sockets, 'A compliment? From Professor Snape? What has hell frozen over?' her fingers ran up his torso and she felt his goosebumps, proud that she had this effect on him.

'I never give compliments. I simply state facts,' he flicked his brow at her and drew her down. His soft lips grazed her neck and her skin electrified.

She had to pull back the moan that climbed quickly up her throat. Her stomach bubbled in anticipation, 'Can I touch it?' she asked and kissed his earlobe.

'You can touch it, but believe me you won't feel anything. Certainly, not what I felt when it was active,' he said quietly and lowered his forearm to her.

Her fingers touched the skin gently. She traced the outline of the skull down to the snake and felt a strong shudder run down her back. A feeling of impending doom overtook her and she wondered if this held some of its past magic still. ' _How_ did it feel to you back then?' she asked almost breathless.

'It was a burning, searing pain, difficult to overcome. It was a pain that called you to attention,' he spoke solemnly.

She gazed at his serious, yet calm eyes and felt her heart warming up.

'Have you ever ...disobeyed its call?' her voice broke. She did not feel nice asking him all these things, yet she couldn't stop.

'More than once,' he replied nonchalantly.

She wrapped her hand around it as if to hide it from the world, or to offer him a caress at the place that caused him such pain once. 'What happened when ...you disobeyed it?' She felt her hand shaking slightly.

He felt it too and his brow creased, 'You _don't_ want to know,' he spoke quietly.

Her heart pinched hard.

 _Did you get those scars because you refused your calls?..._ she wondered, but did not dare voice this intrusive question.

'I am sorry,' she muttered feeling more emotional than she had bargained.

'This history weighs heavy. I'd suggest you let it go,' he spoke with the same softness.

 _But I want to...I want to know..._

Without any words, but feeling the need to show him how much she cared, she tried to pick up her wand from the floor.

'Where do you think you are going?' he asked.

She bit her lower lip and pried his firm grip open gently, 'You'll see'. When she came back she showed him the wand, 'I don't want to ask how you acquired all those scars,' she said and her fingers passed over the dark mark again. A slight burning made her jerk her hand back sharply and look at the ball of her forefinger with a small frown.

'It burned you,' he said matter of factly.

She nodded.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her in. His lips landed on her neck and gave her a tender kiss that sent shivers down her spine. 'Don't touch it again,' he whispered and he kissed her again. His lips barely touching her skin.

She closed her eyes thrilling at his tongue running at the base of her throat, 'Your body is full of scars.'

He stopped and offered her a slightly critical gaze. 'Well, I am not a neoclassical statue of perfection, but that doesn't mean I enjoy being told,' he threw at her.

She frowned annoyed that he misjudged her intentions. Maybe she should express herself more carefully to him, 'I didn't mean to offend you. You fought in two wars. Every scar should be proudly worn,' she tried this time more gently and ran her lips over his chest slowly. His muscles contracted under her and his arm locked her on him tightly. When she felt that sigh of appreciation she closed her eyes and sighed.

'You are a strange woman Hermione,' he murmured.

'I've been called strange before. Now, will you let me try something?' she asked.

'What?' he frowned and pulled back in order to look at her bright eyes.

She pointed her wand at him and smirked.

He raised his brow, 'Trying to curse me?'

'I want to care for some of your scars that look really painful. Are they?' her eyes couldn't pull away from his marked torso.

'You told me I should wear them with pride, why do you want to erase them...?' he asked.

She gazed at him warmly, 'I don't want you to be in pain' she whispered and felt her heart thumping hard in her ears. Why was this affecting her so much?

He pursed his lips, 'Pain is relative.'

'Only someone like _you_ could say that, but then again, there aren't many people out there that are like _you,_ are there?' she said simply voicing her own thoughts.

'That sounds like a question, but feels like a declaration,' he smirked and caressed the small of her back gently.

'I think I was speaking to myself back there,' she smiled.

'Do you do that often?' he asked with a playful glint in his eyes.

'Don't try to confuse me, now, can I try something?' she asked and showed him her wand.

'I don't usually offer myself as a guinea pig,' he said warningly.

'Please...?' she pouted her lip wanting in some manner to convince him. Completely ignoring the fact that she never used this kind of feminine charm to convince men. She only used her brains.

 _Until now apparently...for he took those brains away and left your mind empty…_ she frowned angrily at her degrading thoughts.

His brows raised, 'Judging from the look in your eyes, I will get hexed anyway if I don't let you try.'

She felt her shoulders deflating and she huffed, 'No, just some inner conversation. I pissed myself off really well.'

'Care to tell me why?'

'No,' she shook her head at him teasingly and pointed her wand at one of his deeper scars.

Before she had the time to cast the spell on him, his large hand cupped hers and pulled the wand away, 'Put that silly thing away, will you?'

She laughed, 'You won't let me even try?'

He shook his head, 'No, I need all my scars. If the sight is too much for you, look the other way.'

She felt her heart tightening in objection and embraced him. Her head leaned over his heart and heard it beating fast and hard. 'They are making my heart ache,' she murmured upon his skin and felt her eyes stinging.

He pulled her head up and looked at her solemnly, 'D _on't_ romanticise about me. It won't get you anywhere good.'

She felt her eyes watering again and tried to understand why she was so unable to control her tears. 'You know I _cannot_ believe that we have slept together,' she changed the topic quickly, sloppily, wanting in some manner to stop her eyes from tearing up all the bloody time.

'Make sure you remove the memory and tuck it safely in a pensive for future reference,' he replied with a dry smirk.

 _Git!..._

On the spur of the moment she decided on voicing that thought, 'Have I ever told you that you can be quite a git sometimes?'

He looked at her sideways, 'I am sure you have said worse about me in the past.'

She smiled, 'Not me, but other people did. You gave them good reason.'

'Of course I did, and it was a course well planned,' he began caressing her back once more.

She sighed deeply, appreciating his hot skin pressed against hers and his fingers soothing her down, more than she let on. He had the choice last night to send her home, yet he didn't. He could have woken up and run out of their joined bed to go get some coffee, yet he didn't. He could have talked to her coldly or dismissively, pushing her away with his usual antisocial grace...he did the exact opposite. He was pressing her on him tightly, demandingly even at times, like he didn't want to let her go. Instead of fearing the consequences of that, she thoroughly enjoyed them. Her lips placed several wet kisses on his chest.

'Well, you are in a good mood this morning,' he said easily.

 _Yes I am...with you here...how can I not be...morning?..._ she opened her eyes suddenly.

'Morning?!' she leaned on her elbow and pulled her hair away from her flustered face. 'Oh Fuck!' she exclaimed and then looked at him in shock, 'Oh shit! I am sorry for cursing ...shit shit...,' she pushed the covers away and jumped onto the floor, feeling the cold air prickling her aroused body.

'Where are my tights, it's morning, Mark must be looking for me...hell, fuck,' her cursing continued as she fervently searched for the accursed piece of clothing. When she felt her bottom swinging naked, under his intense stare, her cheeks caught on fire. She hopped like a rabbit in the room searching in every corner, until she finally located her clothes behind the easy chair. 'I am so sorry, I didn't want to swear around you in this manner, but when I am in shock I tend to curse ...a lot!' she explained and got dressed quickly.

He was leaning on his elbow, gazing at her with a bemused smile that made her shiver. 'Didn't know you had such foul language hidden in you,' he teased.

She blew a raspberry at him. 'You don't want to know.'

He raised his brow slowly. 'Mm, maybe I do,' he retorted.

She _felt_ the insinuation of his words and felt her insides writhe in expectation. She would have given anything to remain with him, and see how these words translated into actions.

 _Stop drooling and go to Mark..._ her mind commanded.

She ran onto the bed and flattened her palms on his chest. Her mouth came inches from his. He bit his lower lip and offered her a fiery look that almost melted her core. His hand came around her waist and held her close to him.

'I have to go. I don't want to go. I swear to you. I want to stay here, but it is complicated and...and I have to go...is this ok with you? Please tell me that it is, please...,' she murmured and her lips caressed his gently as she spoke. She drew in his breath and felt both their hearts picking up speed. She was looking at him pleadingly. She didn't want to appear this needy, but she felt torn in two at that moment. It was too soon. Too soon to stir the waters. She was afraid. Of everything. And she needed him to understand her, not judge her.

He raised his brow. 'Go,' he said with simplicity, 'I am fine.' His hand cupped her cheek and his thumb caressed the cubit's bow above her lip softly.

She closed her eyes and exhaled sharply, 'Can I ...kiss you?' she whispered.

He swallowed heavily and his chin flicked up. His lips touched hers gently and her body reacted swiftly. All her cells electrified towards him. She felt his head shaking in negation and she squeezed her eyes tight, trying to calm down the hectic pace of her heart. If just touching her lips made her go haywire, what would full proper intercourse with him feel like? What would prying open his lips with her tongue and tasting him savagely, feel like? The lioness inside her growled demandingly, but she had to abate all her needs. She had to reason her mind that was blinded by passion at this moment.

'I know...,' she whispered and swallowed down her need to push on him and capture his mouth in hers.

He nodded and his breath was strained.

'I have to...go,' she exhaled into his mouth and her fingers tightened the grip on his chest. Acting against her words, as if they had a mind of their own.

'Go,' he said quietly.

She pressed her forehead on his and her hand cupped his nape roughly. 'I am so sorry,' she whispered and pushed away before he had the chance to see that she was teary. The moment she reached the door, she had bridled her wild emotions well enough to turn around to him briefly. 'I'll come again as soon as possible,' she said and waited...for another acceptance of her betrayal.

'The choice is yours alone,' he offered calmly. His eyes hiding so well the need she sensed from him a few seconds ago, when they almost kissed...almost...

She smiled sadly and closed the door behind her quickly. He had given her what she wanted. Freedom and understanding. He didn't judge her. He didn't say anything about the unethical manner she was treating not only him, but Mark and herself. She shook her head dismissively at her own actions and stood in front of her door.

 _You just left your lover, to go to your fiancé. If you cannot handle infidelity, then brave up and choose one because what you are doing is disgusting. You disgust me!..._ she cursed herself. A soft murmur escaped her, but she remained with her hand on the knob for a longtime, before gathering enough courage to open it.

Mark was having his usual morning coffee, with a newspaper in his hands. An image once met with feelings of comfort, now was met with regret for the man she just left behind and guilt about her attitude towards both of them.

He lowered the newspaper and gazed at her, 'Where the hell have you been Hermione?'

He had every right to be offensive, but that didn't mean that she had to like it. 'Well, good morning back at you,' she said bitterly and tried to forget that she was the faulty part of this triangle, no one else. She was messing up people's lives.

'When I came in this morning you were not at home and our bed hadn't been touched. So forgive me for not wishing you a happy morning. I am more concerned about your sneaky attitude,' he hurled back at her, sounding angry.

'I slept in our bed. I just woke up early and took a stroll down by the lake,' she tried hard to suppress the guilty knot in her throat. Her attitude was two-faced towards Mark, because Severus was well informed about their situation and was making things easy on her.

'Summer got to you?' Mark's stiff body posture deflated somewhat at her off-hand explanation.

She sat casually across him and served herself a cup of coffee, trying to keep her cool. 'I slept early last night and I woke up at dawn. I fixed the bed, got a cheese sandwich and went by the lake to enjoy the sunrise,' she said nonchalantly.

'So did you...enjoy it?' he asked trying to read her eyes.

Her mind played a nasty trick and reminded her of what she and Severus did in the bathroom last night. She smirked then and couldn't help but blurt out, 'Immensely.'

Mark's lips curled down thoughtfully, but he didn't speak.

'What time did _you_ come in then?' she sipped her coffee casually.

He folded his newspaper neatly, 'At seven.'

'Well, you certainly outdid yourself this time,' she said and dipped a cookie into her coffee. She felt cheated by him spending all these nights out alone with his friend, even though it had been her jerking off on the Professor's hard erection last night.

'We had a really good time last night,' he replied.

'Then we are even, honey,' she winked at him playfully, trying to silence the massive guilt trip that was taking place in her mind.

'Look Hermione, I am really sorry. I didn't mean to sound so angry, but my foul attitude isn't about just today,' his voice was warm and sounded regretful.

'What do you mean?' she asked with a frown.

'Well there is something going on, isn't there? I can...feel it,' he was observing her closely.

'Please don't make a big deal out of this small excursion,' she sighed and tried to brush him off.

'Hermione, something is going on with you. Ever since that _man_ returned, your attitude has _changed,'_ Mark's eyes were piercing her.

 _Shit!..._

Her heart missed several beats, but she tried to keep her countenance in close check.

'Whom are you talking about?' she asked, feeling the uselessness of that question only too ironic.

'Professor... what's his name...,' Mark waved dismissively.

'Are you talking about Professor Snape?' she asked feeling her heart drumming on her ears. Threatening to break them apart.

'Yes,' he said tilting his head expectantly, waiting for some kind of proof. Some kind of incriminating reaction from her.

'You cannot remember the name of a living legend?' she frowned, her own confusion clearing the traces of guilt momentarily, and throwing Mark off track.

'Legend or not he is very rude! Since you took over his hospital shifts, since you started messing around with him, your attitude has changed drastically. Don't take me for a fool Hermione...please!' he stood up and paced around the table. His annoyance only too obvious.

Suddenly she felt as if she was under an interrogation. 'How have I changed?' she asked, looking up at him. Her first instincts were to rise also, as fear clenched her stomach. Mark had never given her reason to fear him. Yet, sitting there and getting the third degree, made her defensive towards him. Not wanting to enrage him, she remained seated.

'Since those nights and days spent at the hospital you seem more...tired, distant, aloof, cold even. Don't know what to make of you,' he said carefully.

'I was very tired exactly because of those demanding shifts, I was _distant_ because I was tired _,_ but never aloof or cold, at least towards you, right?' she said calmly.

'Yes you were, and you still are,' he turned to her with his arms crossed behind his back.

 _An interrogation indeed..._

'You were always musing, and your thoughts were not for me. What were you thinking about so fervently Hermione? Him?' he asked heavily.

'You mean the Professor?' she asked and forced a smile upon her lips.

He nodded coldly.

She felt her breath catching and her stomach twisting uncomfortably. How hard was it for her to keep all that guilt from reaching her once honest face? How hard was it to hide that her ethics were not impeccable anymore, but rather stained? Would it have felt easier on her if he revealed some kind of unethical behaviour of his own? 'Of course I was thinking about him. This man has been my teacher for seven years, so I am deeply affected by what happens to him. Especially since I know how much he helped us in the course of the second war. It is not just me getting affected by his return Mark. It's the whole magical world, except maybe you.'

'He affects me well enough, in relation to you',' he raised his brow again accusingly.

'I suppose you think I am snogging him?' she rose to her full height, trying not to think that she was defending something immoral. She had to protect herself though, no matter that she was on the wrong this time.

'No, not that of course...,' he hurried and she found a secure footing to lash back at him.

'How about you? Going with your friend in Hogsmeade every now and again? Shouldn't I have attacked you about that too? How do I know you are not fucking one of those sultry waitresses?' she pointed a finger at him.

'We are not doing anything wrong! We are just blowing off some steam,' he said suddenly on the defensive.

'Then neither am I! I am not doing anything wrong!' she threw back, but felt the words sticking on her throat, almost choking her.

His shoulders suddenly deflated and he looked spent. 'Please Hermione, don't misunderstand me. I just want to discern if the line between what is naturally expected to be felt and what may run deeper has been crossed...,' he said and without any warning kneeled in front of her. For the first time in ages his voice sounded pleading and deeply hurt. Her heart squeezed painfully. This was a man that she knew intimately for many years, the man that she wanted to marry, the man that she was cheating on. Now she needed to comfort him because she had been hurting him deeply with her dishonesty. This was not the real Hermione. This was not how she wanted to treat people.

She swallowed and took hold of his shoulders. 'No lines have been crossed,' she lied...'You are just a little jealous, correct?' she forced the smile.

He gave her a needy look and a ghostly smile appeared on his lips. 'Should I be?'

She tightened her grip on his shoulders and had to try really hard to act natural. 'Never,' her voice was unwavering as she leaned down and offered him a quick kiss, which he reciprocated.

'So, all this distance between us...all your attention towards this man...' he murmured upon her lips and she trembled, both from fear and from sadness.

'Was simply because I wanted to help him. I wanted to help the one who has sacrificed his life so we can make plans for the future. Was I so wrong?' she asked gently.

His exhalation was hard, as if he was unloading a lot of weight. 'I am just being paranoid, right?' he asked.

'A tiny bit,' she said and kissed him again feeling a bitter knot on her throat.

 _I feel so awful right now..._ she cringed back from her own duplicity as she embraced him; but it was too soon and everything was too fresh to risk what Mark was offering her. She needed that pillar of stability in her life and Severus was not giving it to her. She didn't intend to tell Mark the truth...

 _yet..._

'I cannot help it Hermione, you are my wife,' he said.

'Mmm...not yet, but we are well on the way,' she replied smoothing down his brown hair and straightening his glasses.

'Are we? Are we indeed? For lately I thinking I am losing ...' he spoke softly.

 _me?_

She frowned, but he didn't complete that sentence.

'So all this distance from you...should I expect it to be over now that the Professor doesn't need your help anymore?' he inquired and stood up.

'I think I am already on my road to recovery, Mark. I am sleeping far better than I used to,' she lied.

'Well you didn't sleep well yesterday,' he rejoined.

'You were out, I cannot sleep well when you are out and you know it,' she rubbed her face trying to clean her skin of all her lies.

'I will try to stop going out so regularly, if you promise to make a more solid try to be with me more,' he offered and rounded the table to pick up his tea.

 _You are out for drinks and I am out fucking...great start to a marriage..._ she thought bitterly.

'I will do my best,' she lifted her own tea cup in salutation and felt her skin crawling. Maybe if she indeed made an honest effort towards Mark and forgot about the tantalising sexual experiences that Severus was offering, she would feel better in her own skin. She would feel more like herself.

'It will be easier once he's out of here,' he said casually.

She was on her way to the bedroom when his words stopped her and she felt a wave of fear clench her gut. 'Yes,' she muttered halfheartedly. There was no reason musing over the dark haired imposing wizard that had taken her breath away with his touch. He was on his way out of here anyway. He was never going to remain with her, or offer her what Mark was. She was but a fool thinking that what they had was more than some easy fun times. The knot in her stomach twisted around painfully and she closed her eyes. Peculiarly these thoughts made her more emotional than they should have.

She made her way towards the bedroom and sat at the edge of her bed feeling wasted. She felt dreadful about this whole mess and she didn't know if she regretted leaving Severus this morning, or going to his apartments last night in the first place.

 _You are fucking up their lives and yours ...you need to clear things up..._ her mind whispered to her.

That is when she felt his hand upon her wrist. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was kneeling in front of her...again

'I am so sorry...' he trailed off.

'About what?' she frowned

'About pushing you with the vacation to my parents and about what happened now. About everything really...' he said with a bitter smile.

'I am sorry too...' she muttered and her eyes teared up heavily. He didn't really know what she was apologising for.

'Sometimes I push you too much, because you mean a lot to me,' he said.

She nodded and closed her eyes. 'You mean a lot to me too,' she winced inwardly, and told her sense of morality to fuck off... 'I will try to come to the house of your parents at some point ok? I promise,' she finished with a smile that she wanted to turn into heartfelt sobs.

 _don't lose it now Hermione...don't..._

'That would be amazing my love, because I was thinking of more than a simple visit,' he said solemnly.

She shook her head and frowned, 'What do you mean?' she asked.

'I was thinking that maybe we could have a public engagement for all my relatives and yours -if you so wish- whilst there'.

She felt as if someone emptied a bucket of frozen water on her. She opened her mouth and it hang lose, as she really didn't know what to tell him. 'A public engagement?' she asked knowing that the shock was visible in her eyes. A string in her heart jumped in joy. The controversy of her emotions was very thick at that moment, 'I never thought you'd want to make it public,' she muttered.

'Hermione, I want to make everything official with you. I want to have children with you, I want us to raise them with love, to live and grow old next to each other,' he said and embraced her.

She let go and rested her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and felt a small tear running down her cheek. It was shed for what she was doing to this man. About her betrayal, and at the same time about the prospect of having a family with someone she trusted and loved. As much as she wanted her professor physically, he was not offering what Mark was.

 _a family...and children.._.

Mark was offering something unsurpassable. Something that she couldn't easily scoot under the carpet. Harry had a family. Ginny was a happy and loving mother. Ron was on his way to becoming a father. What more should she…. should young Hermione Granger expect or want out of life? What more than what an average woman would? A steady marriage and a loving relationship. Mark was willing to offer her all that and maybe more. What more did she want out of fucking life? Why was she chasing after a shadow? A dark shadow that would never be truly hers? She caressed him softly and cuddled inside his arms. 'Me too Mark, I love you,' she murmured.

Then they kissed, and they made love. And even though their love making didn't push her to the same heights as the ones reached by her secret lover, even though she was reduced to being silent once more, she wanted nothing more at that moment. When they slept wrapped in each other's arms that night she swore she was going to make a try to keep away from that dark enticing shadow. She was going to stay away from the addictive pleasure he was offering her and the need to be inside his arms. She was going to make a solemn try to become a lady again and remove herself from her illegal adventures. She was going to return full body and soul to her future husband and dedicate herself to him.

She was certain that she was going to manage it, for his words of stability, love and children still rang too fresh in her ears.

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A/N: I haven't stopped uploading this, but I am in a collaboration with that lovely Irish lady who saves my face from total embarrassment, by beta reading this. That means that each chapters gets proof read at least twice from me and I don't know how many times from her. Thus the uploading takes a long time. Much longer than my normal weekly uploads. Please be patient with me and don't ever presume I stopped. I won't. It will be uploaded to the last chapter. Thank you for the patience *.*

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	28. Chapter 28

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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!

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A week later, on Sunday, when Mark was visiting Hogsmeade again with his friend, Hermione's dedication to that firm decision was wavering back and forth, precariously.

She decided to go see Ginny and maybe help her around with the kids and the household. Mainly because she didn't want to remain inside the castle in such close proximity to her temptation, at least not without someone keeping her away.

The first four days after her solemn oath to remain faithful she managed to keep away from the Professor's door quite easily. She was proud of herself and dedicated to erasing all her wrong deeds. She was swearing daily that she would make it up to Mark for all her unethical conduct, and she did. Though very happy that she was back on track, the strength of her oath began fading with the passing of each day, and so did her resolution. Fifth day in and she woke up itching to see how Severus was doing. He was not bothering her and she knew that unless she reached out to him, he was not going to let her know if he was alright. Not knowing what he was doing, or how he was feeling, felt like a thorn at her side. Poking her every time she moved and making her want to scratch it until it bled.

At first she excused her concern -as per usual- as being about his health, but in the end she had to be honest. She had to admit that she simply wanted to see him, touch him and let him touch her again…she groaned out loud and rubbed her face, trying to knock some sense into her empty head.

He was like an addictive substance, one that brought her to the highest high, one that caused serious withdrawal symptoms if she stayed away from it. Now that the safe world of Mark was fading away, the tracks of Severus's fiery personality burned hot in her heart. The need to remain faithful was diminishing in comparison to the need to see her tall Professor, and bury her fingers in his long hair one more time. The need to let him sweep her off her feet and flush her against any stone wall of the castle, no matter their many cobwebs, or lay her down on his large four poster bed, was becoming unbearable. She even imagined him pulling her into some dark corner, behind one of those huge pillars that helped the school's foundations, and ravage her body without a silencing spell. Even the girl's toilets, with the moaning Myrtle as a ghostly spectator held a certain level of suspense which made her twitch in anticipation. Her mind was going crazy.

Out loud she was telling herself that she only needed to check on his health. Ask him about his welfare and then leave quickly and not allow any intimacy to take place. Unfortunately, the silent part of her mind recognised this as a lie, as was proven royally when she knocked on his door two days later. She lapsed into a pathetic bundle of screeching nerve endings longing for his touch within fractions of a second when he approached her.

And he did touch her in all the appropriate places and made her body melt under his heavy regard. She moaned hard her agreement to all his commands, and she asked him for more!

 _For Merlin's sake!.…I was pleading for more…_

This man had the unnerving ability to wrap her around his little finger, but surprisingly he was not using that ability against her. He was allowing her to make the initial approach, but when she did come to him, then the reigns were his. Who could blame him though? She was offering herself willingly time and time again and begging him for more. Nevertheless, the first decision to open his door was always hers. Maybe that was the real reason that she was seeking him out so fervently; because he never sought her out first. He never gave her any solid proof that she meant that much to him. Apparently, he could do very well without her. It was the other way around that was an issue.

She felt her back crawling at her obvious weakness and picked up the glass of wine that Ginny offered her, before she went to check on the children that were sleeping on their bedroom.

So she had passed two days and almost two nights in a row, laying on her back at his couch in front of the empty fireplace, on his desk throwing all his books on the floor and on his bed messing up his green duvet, with her Professor buried between her thighs making her lose the ability for coherent thoughts, as long as his tongue was buried in her most intimate places careering her to the most highest pleasure, repeatedly. Then with her head bowed low and her heart filled with guilt she returned to Mark like a wet puppy. Unable to smile or feel happy at his continuous promises of stability. Then her mind fell back to the tall, imposing Professor that was smiling at her calmly. He was holding no promises and no regrets. She was confused and afraid more than she had ever been. She felt stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no idea how to handle things.

She heard the crackling of the old wooden staircase as Ginny came down slowly. Hermione turned and smiled at her in the darkness. Only the living room was lighted by a few candles on the side tables of the couch and from a rather large silver candle holder on the mantelpiece that Ginny always bragged about. It was a gift from her mother Molly, one that every child wanted in their household. Ginny won out many of the most precious items as she was the only girl of the family, and with Molly she had a very special mother-daughter bond. Ginny brought over with her an air that smelt of baby powder and freshness.

'Did you change a diaper or something? You smell like a baby,' Hermione smiled.

Ginny rolled her eyes, 'I did and thank you, now tell me what's wrong.'

'Are the children asleep?' she asked.

'Yes,' Ginny filled a wineglass for herself.

'I am sorry I came in such short notice, but I am at a loss, truly,' she looked at the candlelight from the mantelpiece mirroring on her glass.

'What happened? Is it Mark?' Ginny asked.

Hermione looked around the house. The curtains were drawn back and the sky looked heavy with rain. The corridor was dark and the shadows from the dining room made her feel uneasy. The large cuckoo clock was ticking from the landing of the staircase. Only the whistling of the water boiler was heard from the kitchen. That and her heart resounding nervously in her ears. 'When is Harry expected home?' she asked...again. The last thing she wanted was her friend to listen to her most intimate thoughts, especially since they concerned Snape.

'I told you, not until midnight. He has nightshift today at the Ministry,' her friend replied, placing her hand atop Hermione's. 'Now will you tell me what's going on? You sounded really troubled on the message. Seeing you so pale and feeling your hands so cold…troubled is an understatement, right?'

Hermione attempted a smile but failed, 'Ginny things are really not good and I don't know what the fuck I am going to do with it all…' she muttered.

'Tell me,' Ginny said calmly and squeezed her hand.

'You know that Mark and I got engaged. Hell, what am I asking, you were there when it happened. …' she trailed off not really knowing where to begin.

'Of course! Harry and I are very happy for you guys,' Ginny said with a wide smile of encouragement.

'I would have been equally happy, because this man offers me stability and the opportunity of having a family of my own,' she said.

'Would have?' her friend frowned.

'Something happened that smudges out this picture of happiness and perfection Ginny,' she muttered and looked towards her nails that were bitten bloody.

 _But Gods, it's hard to admit adultery..._

'Which was?' Ginny asked.

Hermione raised her eyes to her friend and took heart, 'Is...' she said with an exhalation.

 _It's not in the past, it's still alive and kicking me in the ass daily…._ she felt like laughing at that thought, but bitterness overtook her.

'Ok, which is?' Ginny asked urging her onwards.

Hermione stopped and bit her lower lip hard enough to taste blood.

'Are you going to tell me?' Ginny moved closer with a deep worried frown.

She looked up at the demand in her friend's eyes. She had to tell someone or she would drive herself crazy. She leaned close to Ginny and whispered, 'I am cheating on him...'

Silence from the other side.

She pulled back in order to look at Ginny's face. Her eyes were suspicious and her brows were scowling.

'Did you hear me?' she asked and pressed her friend's hand.

Ginny blinked lost, 'Did you...just say…cheating?' she whispered.

Hermione nodded, 'Yes.'

Ginny frowned deeper, 'Who in the name of Merlin did you find in that castle to cheat on your fiancé with? Flitwick?' she asked looking bewildered.

Hermione felt her breath hitching. Now came the _really_ hard part, 'That's the worst part of it,' she muttered and avoided Ginny's eyes.

Ginny lowered her head, 'You are really scaring me now,' her voice had a warning tone that didn't fail to make Hermione even more nervous.

'The man that I am cheating Mark with, is not a Professor there anymore,' she said deliberately.

'Not anymore? He used to be a Professor there?' Ginny asked raising both her brows.

Hermione just nodded not knowing what else to do at that moment. The answer was so obvious it was screaming at Ginny's face.

Ginny pursed her lips and frowned deeply. She opened her mouth and then closed it angrily, 'No, it cannot be,' she murmured.

Hermione raised her eyebrow… _yes it can…_

'No, no, no...you can't have been _that_ stupid,' Ginny continued her monologue.

She nodded shamefully not knowing what to say.

'Are you doing Trelawney?' her friend asked and her mouth tilted into a stupid lopsided smile, even though her eyes were still questioning and dark.

Hermione choked on her spit and covered her mouth, 'Ginny! I am trying to be serious!' she chastised angrily.

Ginny's smile died and she inhaled deeply. Then she cupped Hermione's hand urgently 'Ok, are you actually admitting to doing...Snape?' she whispered.

She felt sweat running down her temple and swallowed heavily. 'Yes,' she nodded and then as a quick afterthought she added, 'Well, I am not actually doing him. It's more like he is doing me' she felt her cheeks turning hot red and her ears warmed up.

Ginny raised both eyebrows, 'From the redness in your face, I'd say that he makes a very good job of you, right?'

Hermione pushed Ginny away and covered her face, 'I told you, this isn't a joke. I am at a complete loss!' she exclaimed and sprang to her feet. She pulled her hair away from her face and started pacing up and down nervously. She bumped into the easy chair and cursed it to kingdom come. Now that the info was out and she didn't see Ginny unconscious on the floor, she just wanted to talk about the gist of it all.

'I understand ok, just take a breather,' Ginny raised her hand at Hermione, 'Wait! First off I need a stronger drink!' she muttered to herself and went to fill another glass with firewhiskey.

Hermione stopped her pacing and laughed 'And there I thought for a moment that you were not shocked'

Ginny turned around holding her glass 'Well, if we were still in school this would have socked me to the core!' she said, 'But we are older now, aren't we?'

'And that means what exactly…that we are open to moral fuck ups?' she asked and felt a wave of anger towards herself.

'We will discuss your ethics in a moment, love. I was referring to the name you dropped a moment ago,' Ginny replied and took a generous sip.

'Snape…yes, well...' Hermione flicked her shoulders not knowing what to say.

'What the hell made you fall into _his_ lap?' Ginny sat down heavily and cradled the heavy drink in her hands.

'Don't underestimate him...' Hermione felt a bubble of anger towards Ginny.

Ginny raised her brow, 'I am treading on thin ice apparently, but you got me wrong. Snape is quite impressive. I will never forget how many Slytherins, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were smitten with him back in the day. Remember?'

Hermione rubbed her forehead and nodded.

'Even a dozen Gryffindor's …secretly' Ginny added with a playful tone.

'Get on with it!' Hermione warned.

'I will excuse the physical part. I can _maybe_ excuse the psychological part. You are prone to heroes Hermione and he has all the right ingredients to make your overactive mind melt.'

Hermione exhaled loudly. Her friend was right in almost everything, even though she had a mild suspicion that she was not romanticising about him as much. 'The name didn't shock you, the deed didn't either. What did then?' she asked.

'I cannot for the life of me understand the emotional part. What kind of emotional void do you hope that _he_ will fill? W _hat_ kind of brain malfunction made you believe that _this_ man in particular will be able to do such a thing?' Ginny asked solemnly.

Hermione puffed her cheeks and exhaled slowly, 'I don't have an answer for you. I haven't dug that deep, yet'

'Maybe you should,' Ginny suggested.

'Maybe I will, but that is not the burning issue,' she threw her hands in the air annoyed.

'This is Snape we are talking about here. Remember? Snape? No matter his noble deeds during the war, he was and still is the same callous and heartless bastard we knew of old. What changed? Only the way you saw him as a man, which can be justified,' Ginny threw her hands in the air angrily also.

'Not only he is not heartless and cruel with me, I think he has never been such a man Ginny,' Hermione said solemnly and crossed her arms.

'Wait a moment! There is a difference between _doing_ him and falling in _love_ with him!' her friend argued.

Those unexpected words made Hermione's knees buckle and she sat heavily on the floor feeling her hands growing numb. A small cluster of dust came from the old carpet and she coughed. Her heart squeezed painfully and she felt it beating out of control. "I am most certainly NOT falling in love with him!' She tried to keep her voice equanimous, but her heart was not following through. Becoming angrier by her own reactions she wanted to lash out about everything, 'And doesn't Kreacher clean this house?! Look at all this dust!' she said and slapped the carpet, trying to wake up another dusty cloud.

'Fuck the dust! Snape will not offer you what Mark will! I cannot understand the logic behind your actions,' her friend seemed unfazed by Hermione's meltdown and not caring about the ability of Kreacher to keep this big house spotlessly clean all the time.

'It wasn't logic that led me to him…obviously,' Hermione replied crossing her arms.

Ginny nodded, 'Exactly my point, it wasn't logic. I think it was emotion,' she said solemnly, 'That's why I mentioned love. Adultery is not your style Hermione. You wouldn't have ever done something so unethical, something so much against your morals, if your heart wasn't standing behind it. You are not _made_ of _adulteress_ material, don't you see?'

Hermione closed her eyes and inhaled trying to control her tears. The demand of this conversation was too much for her fragile emotions. The words of Ginny felt so true that they were painful, but she would have never admitted to such a major folly to anyone apart from herself. 'I am most certainly _not_ in love with him, and we are not even fucking, I mean all this is so complicated…' she covered her face and tried to regulate her breathing.

'You may not be in love with him now, but you are well on your way, else you wouldn't have ever cheated on Mark. You are the one with one foot out of your engagement, aren't you? Remember what you told me once Hermione? The moment you fuck another man, you will also be out of your commitment to Mark?' Ginny's eyes felt too heavy on her.

And she remembered alright, but too many things were at risk. She was _not_ ready to leave Mark for Severus. Also, she was not ready to question her _feelings_ for Severus. If there were any...She looked at Ginny's honest eyes and felt her mouth drying up.

 _There are feelings aren't there?…_ she admitted inwardly and felt hopeless.

The talk with Ginny was making her feel much worse, 'I came here to speak to you, to take this off my chest and try to find a solution. You are making it even harder on me!' she exclaimed accusingly.

'I am pointing you to the truth. That's all I am doing…' Ginny raised her brow calmly.

'I don't want to come face to face with the truth, I want a solution!' she repeated again forcefully.

'Easy then. Walk away from Snape,' Ginny offered coolly.

Hermione felt her chest tightening painfully and her stomach twisting. That was the only acceptable solution, Ginny was right but,…'I have tried to do this more than once and I keep failing' she said softly and tears pooled in her eyes.

'Why?' Ginny asked.

'Whenever I see him, I relapse,' she said wiping away her tears.

'It's difficult to control yourself around him, right?' Ginny asked.

Hermione nodded.

'Have you questioned why? Is it the physical part?' Ginny asked.

'Well, yes that part is very compatible,' Hermione admitted.

'But a jerk off with him in mind, could have saved you a lot of aggravation, so why do you still chase after the original? It isn't only the physical part, is it?' Ginny asked.

Hermione closed her eyes and shook her head. Her throat convulsed and her stomach turned upside down 'I want his intimacy' she admitted.

E _gotistically, because he is denying me or because I feel for him?_...

'You are fucking him, how much more intimate than that do you want to get?' Ginny hissed.

'We are not fucking, I told you before,' Hermione felt her face getting hot again. She was uncomfortable discussing such details, but she had to talk to someone or else she would explode.

'What are you doing then, analysing the second war?' Ginny asked with pursed lips.

'He is doing many things _to_ me, which I enjoy _immensely_ , but he never allows me to offer him pleasure or kiss him,' Hermione blushed down to her toes.

Ginny giggled, 'I won't ask for any details, you are going all red. Why doesn't he kiss you though?'

'He asks me one particular question, and then on my answer he refuses to kiss me,' Hermione said sadly.

'What question?'

'Are you mine?' Hermione bit her lower lip.

'You answer that you are not,' Ginny stated.

Hermione nodded.

The look of revelation in her friend's face was as clear as the sun. Her eyes sparkled, 'Damn! Things are more complicated than I had originally thought. We have a gentleman here, who is possibly harbouring feelings for you also Hermione, even though I hate admitting to such a thing myself, after all the things I told you about his inadequate emotional capacity,' she said honestly and rubbed her temples.

Hermione suddenly felt her stomach bubbling with excitement…

W _hat?!…_

'What do you mean?' she tried not to show off her sudden change of mood that went from zero to a hundred from just one sentence.

'He refuses to fuck and kiss you, because you don't belong to him. Why would he do such a thing?' Ginny asked.

Hermione shook her head perplexed, not daring to breathe. She wanted to know…wanted to know really bad.

'Unless he respects and cares for you. He is not taking _your_ intimacy and he is not _giving you_ his...because you belong to Mark. If he wanted an easy fuck out of you he would have gotten it already. You are practically begging for it. Hermione, don't you see? Things are a tiny bit more complicated than you think,' Ginny said solemnly and emptied the rest of her glass with one sip. She felt her cheeks flaring up and winced.

Hermione's heart squeezed happily and her palms got all sweaty, but she tried to play devil's advocate with the thorn on her side. 'He is not giving me his intimacy, because he is still in love with Lily Evans. The woman he loved all his life,' she said dejected and felt her eyes tearing up again. She felt her head starting to pound angrily.

Ginny's eyes grew wide. 'You are jealous,' she stated.

Hermione's jaw line tensed. 'Of course I am _not!_ It's just annoying to have such a man satisfying you in every possible way, but the ultimate,' she said haughtily. The name of Lily brought the worst out in her.

'Hermione? You don't have one, but two men satisfying you,' Ginny reasoned.

'Mark can barely satisfy me, and Severus is holding back,' she hurled back.

'Did you just hear what you said?' Ginny asked carefully.

Hermione stopped and inhaled sharply. Her arms went around her chest protectively. She knew the true gravity of her words, but she didn't care. Ginny's words about Snape harbouring feelings for her, was the only thing that was occupying her mind at the moment.

She had thoroughly convinced herself that Severus was holding back because he didn't feel anything for her, as his heart was already devoted to Lily. If that was true though, it would have been much more convenient to fuck her and then drop her. In contrast to that, he was satisfying her time and time again without asking for anything in return, even though she wanted to offer him equal if not greater pleasure. Her mind returned to the days at the hospital, when she was talking and reading to him. They had come a long way from that. Maybe something developed in between and she was too shortsighted to acknowledge it. Could Ginny be right? Did feelings begin to blossom on both sides, slowly but surely, starting back during those days at the hospital?

 _S_ he looked up and felt her throat going extremely dry. If that was the case, then things would end up getting far more complicated than they already were. 'Severus doesn't harbour feelings for anyone apart from Harry's mom. Moreover towards a former student,' she muttered. She completely forgot the need to solve her problems and concentrated only on the possibility of her Professor having feelings for her 'You said it yourself a moment ago. I shouldn't forget that this is Snape, the same callous and heartless bastard we knew of old,' she was trying hard to convince herself to calm down.

'Which you questioned a moment ago, Hermione...' Ginny stopped and looked at her solemnly. 'What's going on? This isn't something trivial, is it?'

Hermione didn't answer for she didn't know what to say. This was the first time she was coming face to face with her feelings about her obscure Professor and they were not trivial.

'For you at least, it is not,' Ginny declared, already having all her questions answered.

Hermione closed her eyes in defeat, 'Does it matter?'

'Do you think it does not? Then why are we discussing all this?' her friend asked.

'So you can help me find a solution,' she whispered feeling drained.

'Fine then, tell me to what exactly do you need a solution?' Ginny placed her glass at the coffee table decisively and crossed her hands on her knees.

Hermione sat cross legged on the carpet and began toying with a loose shoelace from her black army boot. 'I want to solve this huge mess,' she said feeling lost.

'Do you wish to return to Mark?' her friend moved down to the floor next to her.

Hermione frowned. She thought the answer would be a quick yes, but the moment it was ready to leave her mouth, something stopped her.

 _what the fuck is wrong with me?_

'I want to...yes,' she spluttered forcefully.

Didn't she want to return to the peaceful life that Mark was offering? She did, but she wanted it as complete as it was before the Professor appeared and made everything seem grey and mundane in comparison to him. It was very difficult to elbow Severus and return back to her former life. She couldn't return back to the calm days of old and that on its own was a dead giveaway that it was not just sexual attraction that had drawn her to Severus, but something much deeper.

'You don't sound certain,' Ginny tried.

'It's not easy to answer yes Ginny...' she wiped mouth thoughtfully, 'I don't think it is easy to stop seeing Severus,' she said with blunt honesty. Even the thought of being denied access to her Professor was making her writhe with anxiety.

'What's so difficult about it? You go find him, you tell him that you had a lovely time, but you are happily engaged to be married and you feel bad about cheating on Mark. That should be enough to wrap things up for anybody,' Ginny said offhandedly.

Hermione bit the inside of her lip. 'That is exactly what I should do, but I have a difficulty with delivering.'

'What you _should_ do, or _want_ to do?' Ginny asked.

Hermione covered her face. 'You are making this very difficult for me,' she said.

'No, it is difficult anyway. You want to hear what I think?' she asked.

Hermione removed her hand and nodded half-heartedly. She was not sure she did want to hear more honesty from Ginny. It felt like too much for one evening.

'You got into this mess with one foot and half a heart, but now you are in danger of losing it whole to the dark tall Professor I remember so well. Hermione, I think you _feel_ for him. How much, I don't know. Also, I think that _he feels_ for you, because the way he is acting around you does not betray a man that is out for a quickie. His history with Harry's mom shows that he is a little more serious about your situation, than you realise. Actually, I don't know how much of this _he_ has realised either. You are committing repeated adultery and instead of slapping your own hand and getting out of that situation as fast as possible, you care more about Snape's intimacy. Hermione stop blindfolding yourself. Does Mark suspect anything?' Ginny seriously.

Hermione shook her head, 'He suspects that something is wrong.'

'Keep your head low and be discreet. Cover your tracks or else this is going to backfire into your effing face, either from Mark or from Snape. I don't know which is going to be worse, and I think that you need to terminate all this as soon as possible. To which direction that'd be your cue, but _do it!_ Don't draw this mess along anymore...it's unfair to all! Mark loves you, but I am not sure you do anymore….Do you?' Ginny asked carefully.

'I want to have a family with him Ginny. I want to have children and settle down. I am growing older,' she replied.

'That's not what I asked,' Ginny frowned.

'I love him of course. I dreamt of having kids with him since we met,' she replied.

'He is offering you stability, which is very good. What does Snape offer you?' Ginny asked.

Hermione winced…

 _Amazing times in bed...a touch I cannot forget...few droplets of care…_ her mind chimed in.

'Not much I am afraid,' she replied honestly.

'Weigh down your choices girl and do it fast, for what you are doing is simply immoral and unfair. No one can help you decide. Only your mind and your heart can,' Ginny said.

'What if those two disagree?' she asked.

Ginny pursed her lips, 'I don't know how to answer to that.'

Hermione nodded and watered her lips uneasily. 'Thank you for listening to me, this thing is messing me up,' she said.

'I can see that,' Ginny caressed her hand.

'I will end it soon, I promise, but Ginny please don't tell Harry what I just told you,' she asked. The last thing she wanted was for Harry to find out about Snape and her.

Ginny laughed out loud, 'Are you crazy?'

Hermione smiled widely, 'Not a good idea. Thank Gods, we agree on that one.'

'Not a good idea for more than one reason,' Ginny raised her brows.

'Harry's relationship has always been complicated with Severus. The last thing he will want to hear is about me and him getting involved,' Hermione nodded, thinking she knew the problem very well.

'No, you don't understand,' Ginny shook her head 'It is more complicated than that'

'What do you mean?' Hermione brows furrowed in confusion.

'Haven't you questioned _the real_ reason behind Harry's desperate need to talk to Snape?' Ginny asked.

Hermione shook her head 'I assumed that he wanted an audience with him because of his mother,' she said.

'Yes, but _why?'_ Ginny said.

'Tell me,' Hermione leaned forwards.

'Don't you dare speak a word,' Ginny said and looked around to make sure no one was listening to them.

Hermione felt sweat breaking at the back of her neck. 'Of course not,' she whispered.

Ginny leaned close to her ear. 'He thinks that Snape might be his real father,' she whispered back.

'WHAT?!" Hermione felt waves of apprehension running all over her body.

Ginny grabbed her arm forcefully. 'Silence, listen! After the revelations from Snape about his feelings for Harry's mother, doubt began entering the mind of my poor husband. He couldn't believe that a man that loved a woman as much as Snape did my mother in law, would let another man claim her without a fight. The doubt became wild scenarios about the past, which ultimately led him to believe that _maybe_ his mother had cheated on his father with Snape during their marriage. He thinks Snape is his father, which excuses Snape's need to protect him so fervently before and during the war. Doubt whips him daily that he maybe the product of their illicit love affair. This nightmare began shortly after Snape's fake death. After that Harry started obsessing about him and his mom. I think he both fears the possibility and wants it. There is no one else apart from Snape that can clear all this doubt from his mind. When the Professor returned, Harry became a shadow of his former self. This is eating him up from the inside out. Now do you understand?' Ginny said.

Hermione felt numb and tried to digest this wild and impossible scenario. 'But, but he has no proof, just circumstantial evidence,' she tried to reason. The thought of Severus having sex with Lily in order to produce her best friend was a really unsettling one, that was causing her to become nauseated.

'Not even that, just plain assumption, but Snape needs to clear all this up with him and he refuses. Now go figure, Harry is going bonkers,' Ginny shook her head sadly.

'I am going bonkers too, now that I've heard of this,' she hissed and shook her head to get rid of that thought.

Ginny laughed, 'Don't tell me that you will get as obsessive as Harry.'

'I am intimately involved with him…how easily can I imagine him getting intimate with Lily to produce Harry?' she said feeling deeply disturbed.

'Age difference can justify the possibility, although I don't believe it,' Ginny said thoughtfully

'Don't put ideas into my head,' she warned.

'You could ask him and solve the mystery for both you and Harry,' Ginny retorted.

'Well yes, if he'd answer that kind of question that is…' she trailed off.

 _Even if he did answer this to me, how can I tell Harry something like that?_

'No, this has to be solved between them' she shook her head negatively.

'You just debated asking him…' Ginny giggled, 'I agree with you though. It has to happen between the two men, and from what I see Snape is not very willing to speak to anyone currently.'

'You cannot imagine how hard it is to approach this man, even on the basics. How can anyone tamper with something so personal and sensitive, as Lily Evans is to him?' she asked.

Ginny lost her smile and nodded. 'Yet you approached him on a much deeper level than anyone else has in years,' she said.

Hermione raised her brow and got lost in thought. What the hell was she going to do about all this? When she decided to talk to Ginny she was searching for an easy way out and what she got was a dead end.

W _hat am I going to do with you Severus?..._ she thought and licked her lips.

Ginny shook her head as if understanding Hermione's thoughts and silence drew heavy upon them, letting them digest their conversation and Hermione felt like she had just stepped up her game with Severus into a much more serious level. She felt in danger -as Ginny mentioned- of losing her heart whole, to the elusive Professor, without knowing if he was willing to offer his heart back to her.

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	29. Chapter 29

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Severus kneeled amidst the tall grass and lifted his eyes with difficulty towards the building in front of him. He felt the blood draining from his face. Sharp pain tore through his neck from the scar tissue that Nagini left him as a morbid present.

His hand covered the old wound protectively. It took him a long time to make the decision to come here this evening. Many sleepless nights were his mind ate him up from the inside out. His heart was not in pain anymore, but his mind was constantly suffering from the images of old and he was unable to stop them. Now that his life was not in immediate danger other things started to resurface and one of them was the attack that almost killed him. That nightmare led him to this place, to face one of his demons, because there were many hiding in the dark corners of his mind.

 _Not that I intend to face any of the others. I have no idea what came over me..._ he thought as his eyes feasted at the tall and decrepit building that stood in front of him.

The Shrieking shack. The place that has haunted him since childhood. The place he almost died in. He swallowed heavily and his neck echoed in dull pain. He rubbed his sensitive skin and felt it prickling under his fingertips. It didn't matter that so many years have passed. Everything felt too vivid, too fresh.

This was the decrepit old place where everything begun and everything almost ended, and it was looking at him straight in the face. He tried hard to turn his back on it, but it was always running behind him. One step ahead he was, one step behind it followed. He couldn't run away from it anymore. It was going to be tailgating him to the end of his days. He had to face it, even though he didn't want to. He was scared to death of revisiting those memories…those desolate times that stole the largest part out of his life. The ones that left an empty shell, trying to manage for the basics in life.

His eyes passed from the sides of the building and the fake windows. The old wooden shack was standing up through the decades with the help of magic, because it's supporting beams wouldn't serve it anymore. He wondered idly how it would feel to blow that fucking monument up in the air. Would his past then lay at rest?

 _Your nightmares are not embedded in the 2X4's of this building….they are inside your head…_ his mind reasoned.

He closed his eyes tight and got sucked into dangerous time wraps. He saw everything coming alive with dizzying speed. The images of an older school and of his youth cascaded over him like a watery wall, flushing away all reason and grasp of reality. People, facial expressions, heavy words, and landscapes overlapped each other with dizzying speed, making his heart thumb aggravated upon his ears. He had been so young back then. Just a small boy that knew too much for his own good, not only in magic, but on how nasty life could become.

She found him alone, cast aside from his own family and from his peers and she approached him. Unafraid of his weird appearance, his sour face or his powerful magic. Lily came into his life suddenly. She smiled at him brightly and took his hand. He accepted her honesty and saw in her a friend. His first friend, his best friend. When he offered her small flowers back then, he only wanted to see her smile, because only then he could also smile. There was nothing deliberate back then when they lay on their backs and he used his magic to impress her. Just the need to share a gift with a friend that had a similar gift. His only friend, his best friend.

That friendship blossomed into something deep and strong, at least from his side, up till they came at Hogwarts. That's where things changed. Like they always did when he was around people. She drifted away from him slowly. The popular girl, the unattainable beauty. Those innocent feelings of friendship began drifting away as she preferred the company of other people. People that Severus despised and for good reason. It was him that called her that accursed name, it was him that pushed her away, this time deliberately. To see if she would betray him like all the others. If she would abandon him like all the others.

 _And she did…_

She walked towards the light, relieved to leave his consuming darkness behind. Holding the hand of the man she loved she walked away from his life as slowly as she had entered it. He barely noticed how easily she slipped away from his fingers and kissed James with all the passion and love of their youth. And as they kissed, he glided down the vortex of never-ending darkness. The bottomless pit of Voldemort's call. He fell into darkness that lasted forever.

He squeezed his eyes tight and his fingers pressed the scar tissue on his neck. He didn't want to go down the road that his mind was paving for him, for it was painful. That road could send him rolling into madness, but it was impossible to avoid it. Whenever he thought of Lily…whenever he tried to recall their good memories together, he ultimately awoke the hellish fiends that hid at the recess of his mind, waiting to catch him unawares and drive him mad.

He wanted to stop that hellish memory from coming on. He tried hard to stop it, but he was unable. It felt like a water running through his fingers. It found the needed opening and it was upon him one more time like a cataract.

When he stood there watching at her house…he knew it. He knew what lay inside that house and he wanted to run away. As fast as he could. Even now, remembering that moment he wanted to spare himself, but it was impossible. He had to go through all of it, for the umpteenth time. He had to go through the feeling of apprehension as he opened her broken door and slid inside the dark house. He had to relive the feeling of trepidation as he walked up the steps and saw the dead body of James illuminated by a fallen lamp at the landing. He had to push through the feelings of terror as he walked up to the hysterical crying of a baby, hidden behind that open door at the end of the corridor. He had to refrain from moaning out loud at the feelings of desperation as he saw the dead body of Lily on the floor and her baby crying at the crib. He had to keep himself upright with difficulty as the feelings of desolation washed over him when he held Lily's body close to his.

 _Oh dear heavens….._

She was breathless, lifeless, unforgiving in her death as he held her in his arms, trying to defy logic. That moment the world stopped turning for him and remained motionless forever. He didn't remember crying back then. He only remembered the need to scream. That scream never left his mouth, but it resounded with defining totality inside his mind, destroying already created pathways and creating new violent ones. Changing his life forever.

Life ended for him, on that day. Now he stood there equally lifeless, equally soulless, equally void. Even when she forgave him after her death, he remained unforgiving about his role on the calamity that befell her and her family.

He opened his damp eyes and his hand landed on the dark mark. Nails crashed through the thin fabric of his shirt and dug deep into his skin. He enjoyed the physical pain, for it was manageable. The pain in his heart was not.

 _Somethings are not meant to be forgotten…_

The physical pain drew him slowly out of that nightmare and he gazed towards the building again feeling emotionally wasted, but his nails didn't let go of his skin. He kept them there on purpose. In order to keep himself in this place, away from the dangerous nightmares of his mind. A ragged breath left his mouth and he felt the cool wind blowing his hair away from his face. He tried to return back to this world with the same way he had been returning all these years. Through physical pain.

Losing track of time, he remained there with his nails digging in his skin and his eyes feasting at the land. When her voice spoke behind his back, he jumped out of skin and strong shivers moved down his back.

'Severus?'

He turned around sharply and staggered, feeling truly unbalanced, both physically and mentally. This was not a good moment to socialise with anyone, even if that was the sexy brown haired witch that had rocked his world with her unhidden passion. His nails left his skin and the hot pain travelled up to his elbow.

G _ood..now keep me here!…_ he ordered it and he looked at the woman in front of him.

Hermione decided to appear at one of the most difficult moments he encountered since his return. This time he didn't appreciate her presence there. He wanted to be left alone. He didn't anyone to witness his fear, his weakness, his vulnerability. He scowled angrily and adrenaline shot through his veins.

'What the fuck are you doing here?!' he hissed. He didn't try to blunt the edges of his brutal ways.

She raised her hands defensively 'What? Do you think I followed you? I didn't, Severus! I was on my way to the castle and I saw someone sitting in the middle of the field. I approached with the intend to help out, and I recognised you' her voice sounded caring and gentle, but still he didn't care.

He felt offended by her unwanted intrusion and the hardness of his nature came out rather nastily and crashed mercilessly upon her 'Save it and leave!' he spat vehemently.

Hermione's eyes watered and she wrapped her arms around her chest protectively 'I will leave you alone. You just have to ask more politely. I don't deserve this attitude from you' she said with a broken voice.

He didn't reply. His eyes kept penetrating her angrily.

She nodded in sad understanding and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. After a moment of indecision she turned sharply around and walked away from him. Her arms were holding her shoulders tight and her head was bowed low. Her long brown hair was waving behind her back.

He remembered another woman with red hair. A woman he had offended in a similar manner. She had turned her back to him with tear filled eyes also many years ago. He lost that woman forever and then he lost himself in the darkness of his force. He was doing the same thing again...

 _Fucking hell…_ his mind hissed.

His hands tightened around his hair and pulled them violently away from his eyes as he glared at her steady retreat. He only had to let her leave. Let her leave him alone with his ghosts. Let him act as a complete bastard and make people suffer with his bruising manners. With a low hiss of disagreement with himself, he released his hair. They fell low on his chest and covered his face. A deep breath entered his lungs and he kept it there, daring himself to remain silent. If the voice that threatened to call her back got released then he would open a door for her.

H _aven't you done that already?..._ he asked himself.

No answer came. No answer that he dared admit out loud.

'Hermione' he called suddenly. His voice echoed as deep as ever into the silence of the valley.

She didn't stop, she didn't even lower her pace. She walked steadily away from him, leaving him, like Lily had left him once upon a time. His legs wavered in indecision, which didn't last long. He sprang forth and walked quickly after her. He didn't even know what made him act this way, but he knew he was acting unwisely by calling her back.

'Hermione' he repeated almost behind her back.

She didn't stop. She seemed so decided to leave him, as he had commanded her to do only a moment ago. Yet there he was revoking everything. He reached out and grabbed her upper arm turning her around 'Hermione wait!' he called trying not to hear his voice breaking from the emotional overload.

She turned sharply and she was all in tears, but also angry. That was something new, inside an old familiar image. The anger he saw in Hermione was a strong emotion that he hadn't ever seen in Lily. In her eyes there was only abandonment and a dark void. His heart missed a beat.

She pulled her arm free and wiped her tears proudly 'What do you want?' she spat.

Her angry waves collided with his and strangely fed him with life. He was not good at this. How could he ever explain to her feelings he was unable to comprehend himself? 'I am sorry for my behaviour. It was unacceptable' he said solemnly and drew his arm at safer distance.

She looked at him straight in the eye and he kept her gaze steadily. She must have seen something broken in him, for she unwrapped her hands and her shoulders deflated slightly. Her eyes rolled down his body.

'What the hell happened to you?!' she asked when she saw his arm.

He lowered his eyes to it and frowned. This time he had overdone himself. He had not only tore the fabric of the shirt, he had also bled himself quite severely. His forearm was drenched in blood. He covered it with his palm, wishing that she would forget what she saw. Regretting his need to stop her from leaving 'Nothing, forget it' he spat and turned around. This time leaving her himself. He walked quickly down the path to the Shrieking Shack, trying not to look behind him. Anger awoke again this time towards his own weakness. Towards his unexplainable need to stop her before.

A surpassingly strong hand caught his bicep and twirled him around. There she stood, fierce and angry, demanding his attention one more time 'You are _not_ going to turn your back at me, do you hear?!' she thundered.

His anger exploded with the most unexpected way possible. He caught her by the waist and flushed her body against his. The nightmarish torrent of his memories and her unwanted appearance all melted down to a mind numbing need to crush his lips upon hers. His jawline tightened and his fingers took tight hold of her hair, making her hiss in pain. He brought his faces inches from hers and tried to control his instinctual need to claim her body. She responded as fiercely as him. She rose on tiptoes and clasped his nape painfully. Instead of trying to push away, her body moved sensually on his and she exhaled straight on his mouth. His lips touched hers and he felt her breath hitching. His heart thumped like crazy and his stomach twisted deliciously 'You turned your back at me also' he whispered and licked his upper lip.

She breathed heavily and her nails scratched his nape 'I stopped!' the strain in her voice, aroused him even more.

'Why did you stop!?' he asked with an anger, whose origin he couldn't understand. Everything felt confused inside him. His wrath, his arousal, his bitterness, his fear. He didn't know when one feeling ended and when another one began.

'Because I _care..._ I care as much as you do!' she said and her voice vibrated through his torso and back at his spine. Her hand released its tight grip on his nape and began caressing his hair softly.

'Do I care?' he asked and his lips dragged along hers. He closed his eyes and used all his willpower to keep himself from kissing her.

'You care enough to stop me from leaving' she whispered with a ragged breath and kissed his upper lip softly. Not sharing his own inhibitions about intimacy apparently.

 _I care about no one..._ his mind rebelled, but was that true? She was right. He cared enough to stop her from leaving. He was not ready to question his motives at that moment. Now he just wanted to kiss her. He swallowed hard and looked at her soft round lips. Wet, half open and inviting him to their warm folds. His lower body tensed beyond control and he rocked against her, showing her what he needed.

She gasped and smiled knowingly 'Do you want to kiss me?' her sweet breath entered his nostrils and he closed his eyes. His loins caught fire and his heart pounded like a drum into his ears.

 _Right now I want to fuck you to oblivion..._

'Hell woman, I want to do much more than kiss you right now' he spoke with a husky voice and when she rocked back on him, he took a sharp intake of breath that ended up in a low key moan. He was at the point of losing control and he hated it. He didn't know if the recent memory of Lily played a bigger part in all this or the fiery woman in his arms that was controlling his urges so deftly.

'And yet you won't…' she said softly. This time she was controlling the game for both of them.

He hated and loved the need to let go. For once he felt the unparalleled need to release the iron grip on his emotions. He wanted to release everything upon Hermione, even if she was in danger of getting overwhelmed by his abandonment.

'No' he winced and closed his eyes tight.

Her fingers caressed the side of his face. Her forefinger caressed his lips softly and he felt the caress running down his back and sending a jolt of electricity into his loins.

'Because I am not yours?' she asked.

He opened his eyes and his palm cupped her cheek. His thin warm lips touched her round plump ones gently, as if not daring to really bond them together. Epiphany jolted his nervous system and he pressed his lips more insistently onto hers. His mouth parted her trembling lips, sending wild tremors along her spine and inflicting on her sensations she had never know she was capable of feeling. His tongue lingering just on the verge of passing through her lips and finding hers. Her breath quickened and she arched her body upon his, wanting him to feel every curve and taste the heat on her body 'Kiss me' she spoke on his lips, urging him to claim her, but not daring cross the line herself.

After a burning moment were their breaths battled each other and low key moans came from both, he shook his head and pulled back slightly, not wanting to let go of her completely 'No' he exhaled and shook his head, feeling his mind dizzy.

'Then Severus I will do it for you this time...' she trailed off and rocked her hips against his, feeling his erection pressing on her lower belly rudely. His eyes closed. It needed tones of self control to keep himself from yielding to his basic needs at that moment and he didn't know if he possessed it.

'Do what?' he hissed and his fingers pulled on her hair painfully.

'I will do much more than kiss you today' she said and her hand moved slowly down along his torso. His abdominal muscles twitched and a heated flame of need rolled in his loins as she rested her hand on his belt buckle.

'No' he groaned and pulled her head away when she tried to kiss the scar tissue on his neck.

'You are hurting me…' she purred and her fingers entwined between his and unlocked his fierce grip on her hair.

He let go slowly and kept his eyes tightly closed.

Her hot breath caressed his neck mere seconds before her lips landed there and made his breath catch. Her wet tongue followed quickly and began tracing hotly around the heavy scars of his once torn flesh. His hand cupped the back of her neck and his fingers mingled in her hair again, but he tried to pull her back more gently this time 'Not there…' he exhaled. His other hand cupped her wrist and drew her away from his belt buckle.

She slithered her hand away from his grip and pulled his shirt out of his trousers 'I want to kiss you and you are going to let me. I want to see you, smell you and taste you, like you have done, and you are going to relax back and enjoy me' her voice was heavy and when she finished her tongue licked around his neck again. Pausing to open up her lips and suck him gently.

'Not there, please' he repeated, feeling angry at himself for being reduced to pleading this young witch not to touch his ugliest scars. His fingers tightened around her hair one more time and he wanted to pull her away, but her small sneaky hand passed under his shirt. Her fingers caressed him teasingly around his waist and stomach making him harder than life. Every dedication for privacy began drifting away as the previously submissive Hermione suddenly decided to dominate him.

He didn't even know if he was assisting her by losing control so easily. As her fingers grazed hotly around his waistline and her mouth sucked on his neck hungrily, he grew hugely unwilling to stop her. He had sworn an oath, not to use her body for his pleasure, but at this moment with her mouth sending jolts of electricity down his hardness and her hand pulling his belt buckle open, he didn't want to resist this pleasurable onslaught. His erection was creating a tent right there between them. He felt it unceremoniously pressed between their bodies and he was getting chaffed by her tries to free him. His throat went dry by the sheer need to be touched by her in the most inappropriate ways possible.

'Severus I am not going to hurt you. I am going to treat you exactly as you deserve. Let me...' she whispered and nibbled his earlobe playfully. His fingers tightened their grip on her hair, but he didn't pull her back. He found out with regret that he had no voice with which to respond. He opened his eyes with difficulty and felt dazed and confused. Her face was inches from his and she was looking at him deeply in the eyes. Her hand for a moment stilled upon his open trousers.

 _Treat me like I deserve...what do I deserve?_

'Do you have any idea what you are doing to me, woman?' he asked breathlessly.

'I know exactly what I am doing to you, and I will make every moment worth it, I promise' she responded. Her hand cupped his neck and her fingers touched his old wound gently. His eyes flickered closed and he inhaled sharply. Anticipation bubbled in his stomach upon her sensual promises 'I am going to make you lose control and I am going to taste you to the last drop. This time I am going to make you cry out _my_ name when you come apart' she whispered close to his lips. Her words and her touch made him shudder.

'Show me' he whispered unable to stop himself. She bit her tongue and her eyes burned through him as her hand resumed its work on stripping him from the waist down. Her fingers lowered his zipper and her mouth sucked on his neck greedily. Whenever he felt her tongue licking his skin, electricity bolted down to his erection, making it twitch. His hand traced out her side hungrily and cupped her breast. Her soft moan vibrated through his skin, arousing him more.

'Don't touch me' she commanded breathlessly and pushed away his large hand. He opened his eyes and looked down at her with a critical frown.

His pants fell around his ankles 'Not today' she smiled at him and her eyes were full of promises. The air around his thighs made him highly aware at how exposed he was to her.

'Hermione, anybody could see us' he managed to articulate as she licked down his abdomen slowly and snapped his shirt wide open. His muscles tightened in expectation.

'I know' she said quickly and looked around them. She stood up and grabbed his wrist. She pulled him towards a small cluster of trees. He followed clumsily as his trousers were pooling around his ankles. Then she pushed him unceremoniously on a bark and pressed her body against his. Her breath was strained and her hands got buried in his hair, securing him on her tightly. His arms went around her back and his head got buried onto her neck. She pulled back before his mouth got a taste of her soft skin 'No, today its going to be your turn' she said and kissed the side of his mouth so gently that his insides melted. Her hips rocked upon his erection and a drowned groan escaped him.

She slithered out of his possessive embrace and began teasing him with her tongue. Licking every wound around his torso and stomach, every available inch of skin. Her hands rested on the band of his underwear for a brief moment and then took handfuls of his buttocks and pulled him on her. His erection got trapped between her breasts and his head thumbed on the tree bark. He was unwilling to stop what was happening. He was enjoying himself too much to push her away and his hips rocked upwards. He wanted to get buried between those soft breasts and cry her name in completion as she had requested, but apparently she had other plans for him.

'Let's see how vocal you are in sex then' she whispered and her tongue teased around the band of his underwear.

He bit his lower lip and his face distorted from the heated anticipation. His hands got buried into her bushy hair and got a tight grip on her. She pulled his underwear down and released him. When he felt himself out in the open air, in front of her face, a wave of embarrassment overtook him and he frowned at his unexpected reactions. He had been given blow jobs before, but not in this revealing and commanding manner. On previous encounters he was at ease with having his erection sucked dry and he was always commanding the game. Now he felt intrusive on her, like she shouldn't be kneeling in front of him in this degrading manner. He felt as if her burning eyes were examining every inch of his revealed skin and he wanted to pull up his pants and run away. At the same time he wanted her to touch him so bad that he was in pain.

'Perfection…' she murmured in front of his erection. Each breath from her was making him twitch in need. His jawline tightened and he forced his eyes to open up. He gazed down at this young and beautiful witch kneeling in front of him, looking at him with such devotion. Her palm cupped him suddenly and a hot white bolt of pleasure that bordered to pain echoed through his throbbing member. He moaned and his head leaned back at the tree.

Upon seeing his reactions to her touch, she began pumping him slowly 'I want to suck you to oblivion, but I also want to make myself come while I do it. Are you going to watch me?' she asked suggestively and her tongue reached out to trace his length.

 _What did she just say?…_ His mind stuttered.

He looked down and his mind fogged up at her image. As her tongue worked it's way up his length and her hand grasped his base steadily, her free hand got buried inside her panties.

'Gods woman…' he murmured and felt the world dimming out at the edges as her tongue rolled around the moist tip a couple of times, sending waves of fire into his balls. She had reduced him to pray on all the Gods of the Universe, for her mouth to take him in. He felt his legs tremble and he moaned hard when she used her fingers to spread his fluids around.

His sounds of pleasure triggered her own 'Fuck, I am so worked up…' she whispered and her fingers rolled around inside her underwear. The world turned grey all around him and he had to force his eyes to remain open.

'Do you like it?' she asked gently and moved her hand along his length.

He couldn't take it anymore and he frowned at her 'Take me in your mouth'. It sounded like a command, but his voice was almost pleading.

She smiled knowingly and his slow torture was over. Her mouth enveloped him and it's warm wet softness rolled down his member and his mind. His deep groan rumbled through his body and made her moan also as he closed his eyes in ecstasy. He forgot all about the Shrieking Shack, all about Lily, his violent torture and the pain in his heart. The nightmares all fell behind him, forced back by the sheer passion of this woman kneeling in front of him. As her mouth and neck accommodated his length, he forgot all about his bloody forearm and the need to flee this place as quickly as possible. His surprised groans of pleasure resounded in the forest as she sucked him steadily making him forget the reporters outside the doors and the need to hide from everything and everyone. Slowly the world around him turned black. His eyes closed down and his jawline clicked set. His fingers tightened around her hair and he tried to stop himself from thrusting into her mouth. He didn't want to become harsh with her and at the same time he wanted everything that she was willing to give him. He didn't care about any oaths at that moment, not about their age difference, or the fact that she was engaged to be married. Only the amazing pleasure she was offering him was in the centre of his mind, burning bright, like a lighthouse in the midst of a frothing sea.

His fingers got painfully entangled into her hair, but she didn't stop. He forced his eyes open and looked down at her. She was working on him with closed eyes, breathing hard through her nose, her hand moving quickly inside her laced panties. That image send him orbiting quickly towards blessed oblivion.

On one hand he wanted to close his eyes and loose contact with the world. He wanted to let go into her and at the same time he wanted to see and remembered each second of this revealing encounter. He didn't ever want to forget the feel of her mouth around him and her hand working over her female folds fervently, leading them both to a spiralling ecstasy. His palm cupped the back of her head and his hips began thrusting in her as gently as possible. He tried not to feel like he was abusing her, as her mouth's exquisite friction was wounding him up to the wanted climax more quickly than he was willing to control. She grabbed his buttocks and urged him on. That is when he lost control and began thrusting in all earnest. Her grip on his hips tightened in acceptance and he felt like he was loosing his mind.

His head leaned back and he closed his eyes unable to stop himself anymore. She led him steadily up towards a huge build up, all the time moaning under her own hand. He was groaning like an animal in heat and his mind was pointed into a single point of release that was just looming at the edge of his grasp, when finally he pulled hard on her hair and tried to free himself. She remained stubbornly where she was.

'Pull back' he said, unable to form any coherent thoughts.

She opened her eyes and they were dark and dilated with lust. She shook her head negatively and took him deeper into her mouth.

He felt the swelling and the contractions and he knew it was too late. He tried again to pull her away desperately but she grabbed strong hold of his buttocks and moaned. The knowledge of what was about to happen, along with her coming apart under him was enough to undo him. His cry of release echoed into the forest as waves of pleasure passed from his body. He thrust into her mouth unable to stop himself and her name rolled off his lips again and again as he unravelled. He wouldn't have realised that she came apart right alongside of him, if her mouth hadn't tightened painfully around his twitching erection. He hissed and gazed at her as she was abandoning herself in front of him. He had never experienced anything so passionate in his life.

'Oh Gods…' she exhaled and her body jerked with the aftershocks of her release. He popped out of her mouth and his waning erection fell defeated next to her face 'That was …amazing' she said leaning her head onto his thigh.

His knees buckled and he kneeled heavily next to her 'Amazing is an understatement' he replied and took her into his arms with a possessiveness he didn't know he owned 'Hermione' he whispered into her hair and kissed her head. She brought her mouth inches from his.

'I would give everything I had right now, just to kiss you' she said and he nodded. He closed his eyes feeling more emotional than he ever wanted to be around her. Her fingers tangled into his hair messily and she looked at him with a steady glare of recognition 'We cannot kiss, because we don't belong to each other..yet…we _yearn_ each other so much' she planted a soft his on the side of his mouth.

He sighed and caressed her head gently. Her forehead leaned on his jaw and he felt wetness on her cheek. He pulled back and saw disturbed that she was crying. She looked so open and fragile at that moment. The heated frenzy that had caught him so suddenly a few minutes ago got washed away under the shame he felt at seeing her like this. He pulled her into his arms with a passion he didn't think he had anymore and buried his head into her neck protectively. She leaned her head upon his shoulder and squeezed him with considerable force. Making him know that she was there, for him or for herself it mattered little. She was there.

They remained hugging in the midst of the field, half naked from their frenzied love making as their hearts quiet down slowly. He buried himself in her arms, smelt her release mingled with his and her perfume and let his mind and body settle down. He let Lily drift away from him, blissful that this woman was helping him do it. After a considerable time he was the first one to move. She raised her head and opened her dreamy eyes at him. She looked so sedated and satisfied. His hand cupped her cheek and his thumb caressed her neck 'I am so sorry about today' he spoke softly. Feeling emotionally cooled down by the generous session inside her arms.

'Will you tell me what happened to your arm?' she asked.

'Got a bit carried away' he replied without too much thought. He closed his eyes and felt the air caressing his softly. As the tension declined from his body, several deep breaths left his chest.

'You did it to yourself' she stated. Her hands were smoothing his hair down gently.

He didn't answer. He didn't know what to tell her.

'Why did you come here?' she asked and looked up to him.

'I decided to heed of your advice' he replied holding her back softy.

'My advice?' she frowned.

'You told me to face my demons…more or less' he said offhandedly.

She sighed 'And you decided to come out here to do that? Don't you know that this place lays outside the protection of the school? What if the reporters saw you, like I have?' she asked.

'We are under a displacement spell, little lady' he was unable to stop the smug lopsided smile that came on him.

'What?' she smiled in confusion.

'You have forgotten to whom you are speaking I think. Our encounters muddle up your thinking process. I don't know if I should value that as good or...' he pulled her on him and looked at her lips '…bad' he said.

She rested her elbows on his shoulders and smothered her breasts on him 'You can take it as a compliment. I am loosing my mind over…' she hesitated and he saw her brows quirking for a moment '...all this' she decided. The impression that things were left unsaid was too strong, but he didn't pursue further.

'Thank you for the compliment' he rubbed her back soothingly.

'Does that mean that no one could see us, the whole time we were doing all that under the tree?' she asked smiling.

'We are practically invisible' he replied.

She paused and slapped him hard on the chest.

He laughed and got hold of her naughty hand 'What's gotten into you?'

'You lied to me before!' she cried and tried to free her hand in order to slap him again.

He kept her still easily 'Danger heightens the levels of arousal sometimes' he said nonchalantly.

Her smile died down slowly and she looked at his mouth 'It aroused me alright, but you - you knew- so?' she trailed off, waiting for him to pick up.

'I don't need any help…you are driving me crazy anyway' he tilted his chin to her and their noses touched.

She licked her lips 'Severus...don't talk to me this way' she murmured upon his lips. Her arms tightened around his neck.

His heart picked up speed and for the first time in years he didn't fear a possible heart attack. All his concentration was on her 'Why?' he asked calmly.

'Because if I see that all this means something to you, I might...' she stopped and closed her eyes. Without warning she buried her head onto his neck and tightened her arms around his back.

'Do you believe that it does not?' he asked not sure what she was saying through those broken sentences. Not even sure what he was answering to her.

'Does it?' she asked and placed a soft kiss on his neck that he felt sliding down his spine.

'If it didn't then I wouldn't be here Hermione' he replied and his fingers cleared some stray hair from her neck. Then he began caressing her softly.

He knew he had to make things easy on her, even though he didn't want to. He wanted to keep that sentence as serious as he felt it inside, but that would probably make her suffer. She was in a volatile and compromising situation. He wanted to come easy on her 'You are very special. Now stop asking me to caress your ego and come back to reality' he tried to make his voice sound strict, but he knew it sounded soft and caring. She stood still trying to decide if he meant those words. Then she sighed and looked up at him.

'Thank you' she whispered and caressed his cheek.

'This is not really up my road...' he shook his head rather dejected by his own inability to tell her more.

She smiled in understanding 'Why was I able to see you through the displacement spell?' she asked.

'My spells never include you' he replied honestly.

Her eyes asked him before the sentence ever left her mouth 'Why?'

'Usually I _want_ to be found by you' he replied honestly.

'Oh Gods, another compliment?' she smiled.

'No, reality' he frowned.

She nodded after a brief moment 'What made you think that it was wise to come to this place in your condition? This is the place you encountered death and you are still recovering from that'

 _Now I can add another memory to this accursed place, much more pleasing than all the rest..._ he thought.

'I am more resilient than you think' he looked towards the house that was drenched in the orange hues of the oncoming sunset.

'I know. Not many men would have managed to sustain what _you_ did all those years, willingly' she replied solemnly.

'Not many men had done what I did to earn my punishment' he retorted heavily. The warmness of her body, her steady caress and show of affection, his sexual release and the safety he felt at that moment made him speak to her honestly.

'What was so bad in what you did Severus? You sacrificed your life for others, because of the woman you loved…One cannot get more chivalrous than that' she said quietly.

It stung...like an arrow passing straight into his heart. He winced and felt his eyes watering dangerously. This sentence brought forth all the emotional turmoil that had been buried before. His mind didn't want to answer to her, but his mouth betrayed him and when he spoke he felt the sky growing a little darker for him 'Well, how about killing the aforementioned woman. Would that be a reason good enough for punishment?' his brows creased heavily and he avoided her eyes.

She stirred into his arms 'You didn't kill her' she replied with surprising fervour about a subject that she knew almost nothing about. She was hitting too close to home and she was hurting him even though she wanted to offer comfort.

'I killed her alright and what happened next was nothing more than a lifelong payment for the loss of her life' he replied clinically. His hands had stilled around her and lay numb on her thighs.

'Severus, Voldemort killed her' she insisted and jerked him slightly with the need to wake him up.

His throat went dry and he pushed her slowly back. She didn't resist as he stood up and buttoned his trousers. His eyes turned towards the desolate building and he momentarily regretted his need to sit with her on his lap. The conversation had taken a very personal turn and he was not willing to go after it. He cleared some hair away from his face.

'I am sorry, I didn't mean...' she said not knowing how to finish. Her voice sounded regretful.

He turned to her. Her warm eyes brought him back to the safety of this reality 'You have nothing to be sorry about. You are just misled as you are sort on the details. Its expected' he said, but as she she stood up next to him he made no move to embrace her even though her presence was anchoring him to reason.

'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked carefully.

'No' he said heavily.

'Why did you call me mislead?' she asked.

His eyes wandered upon the flower rolls of hills around them 'Which silly story did you believe in order to build this pinkish world around me I wonder. Was it the lovestruck hero that almost died for the woman he loved? Was it the poor pained soul searching for salvation? Maybe the anti hero that ultimately saves the day? Which led you straight into my arms?' he asked and looked at her without any remorse. He knew he was dripping poison, but it was hard to stop. She hit too close for comfort and he was not ready to face those demons just yet. Especially with her urging him on.

'That's what you think about me?!' she sounded angry 'Do you think I saw some kind of romantic novel in your stead and I wanted part of the action?' she spat and her eyes watered. Instead of taking offence or breaking down, she became angry one more time. Taking him by surprise with her strong personality 'If you should know none of the above threw me in your arms. I saw you struggling for life with unwavering passion. Remember when you stormed out of the hospital bed and into the night, trying to be free? That unbelievable need for freedom truly brought things into perspective for me. You are a living, breathing person Severus. You need to lay off the past and grasp life. Make full use of the second chance you got. You need to free yourself from the bonds of the past that drag you down _'_ she said with a deep frown.

'So you decided to help me, by bedding me…?' he asked and crossed his arms.

She took hold of his bicep and turned him around 'I saw a man in ruins slowly grasping life's last threads and coming back to us. All I wanted to do was help you. I never intended to fall… all over you, but it happened, and _you_ responded with equal fervour! As ashamed as I am for doing this, _you_ should be also for responding to me! We are both adults and we are both enjoying what is happening, remember? No one here is a victim, except maybe Mark...' she spat and then harked sadly.

He observed her quietly.

'Why do you have to search for the ultimate reasons behind something? Why in the name of Merlin do these reasons all have to be against you?' she asked and approached him. Her fingers touched his temple gently and her eyes softened.

'You're asking me as if I have no reason whatsoever to condition myself to think this way' he felt himself succumbing to her soft ways and he drew her in his arms.

'You _did,_ that's true. Noticed my use of past tense? I am not your enemy. From the first moment I treated you exactly like you deserved' she said softy.

'You said so too many times. What do I deserve then?' he asked feeling the tension slowly abandoning his body as she caressed him softly.

'To be kissed and caressed, to be comforted and...' she hesitated and tilted her head slightly as if searching for the right words.

L _oved?..._ his mind tried finishing the sentence for her and he felt angry with it's liberal use of such a strong word. Did he even want to ask her to finish that sentence? He found out with defeat that he did. This woman was getting to him, slowly but surely.

He placed his palm on her cheek and touched his forehead to hers 'And?' he asked quietly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck '…You deserve to be given a second chance in life' she whispered.

He looked at her solemnly. Did she mean all that? 'Do I look like I need to be kissed and caressed?' he asked half seriously.

She nodded 'Yes, more than you think. More than you think..'

'And you are going to do that for me?' he inquired quietly.

'Yes' she said and his dark eyes engulfed her.

'When, on your free time from Mark? These beautiful words come in direct contrast with the duplicity of our situation' he said solemnly.

She pulled back slightly and raised her brow 'I am not yours to kiss, remember? I am not yours full time either'

'You are neither mine nor Mark's full time' he was unable to stop himself.

She nodded 'I know, but do tell me Severus. You, who are so honest about propriety and property, how about you?'

'What about me?' he caressed her jawline slowly.

'You loved one woman your whole life' she hurled at him.

He didn't answer, but his hand froze still on her cheek.

'Do you love her still?' she asked and her eyes felt fiery enough to burn holes into him.

His heart stopped for a fraction of a second and then sped up to a ferocious speed that almost took away his breath. He was unable to answer, but the soft nod was there and she couldn't have mistaken it for anything else.

She nodded also and felt her eyes stinging and her heart squeezing painfully 'Her death scarred you for life. You are not mine either Severus. We are both guilty' she said and looked at his cheeks and his mouth.

He swallowed heavily 'Maybe we both are' he replied calmly 'I don't want to say that we are finding comfort between our betrayals'

She pursed her lips 'Me neither'

'We've said enough and _done_ enough today. Enough' he said and kissed her forehead.

After a brief silent repose were their arms tightened around each other and they settled to their heavy admissions she sighed 'No matter how difficult some days may start off with you, I have to admit they end up being beautiful. I suppose nothing is easy with you'

'You are starting to shed off your seven year old conditioning of me' he smiled.

She stood up on tiptoe and planted a small peck on the side of his mouth 'Was this perilous visit to this place productive?' she asked.

'I can grant this the honour of calling it an effort. I don't know the results yet' he replied softy.

'Did you beat any of your demons today?' she asked and leaned her head on his chest.

'I am not sure' he replied honestly and raised his head to the shrieking shack. A shiver passed from his spine.

'Will you try to face more of your demons? Are you going to keep trying to break free?' she spoke softly.

He nodded 'I am not sure'

A long pause ensued between them, where they remained hugging each other as the sun slowly hid behind some clouds.

She was the first one to speak again 'I intruded on your privacy today Severus?' she asked.

He nodded 'You did a bit, yes' he was honest.

'Did you hate it?' she asked

She had intruded on his privacy, both by their painful conversation and by what she did to him near that tree.

'I loved every bit of it' he replied with a soft smile.

She raised her eyes to him 'I don't want to leave you, but I have to go back'.

He saw the regret in her eyes 'Go' he made it easier on her, one more time, even though he didn't want to.

'Want to walk me back to the castle?' she offered.

He nodded and took hold of her hand. They walked slowly, speaking quietly until they reached the outskirts of Hogwarts. There he dropped her hand regretfully and tightened his jaw line angrily. Feeling for the first time mildly betrayed by her willing return to her fiancé. For once not liking that she was leaving him alone, even though he would have never admitted it to her.

When they reached outside her doors he pulled her into a shadowy crease on the wall and pushed her on it. Wanting in some manner to make her understand through actions that this was becoming unexpectedly difficult for him. He frowned confused at his own mingled feelings and rocked against her. Wanting to keep her there in some manner. Wanting that door to open and her fiancé to find them this way. Maybe that would roll the dice for all of them, since she was unable to take the initiative.

'When can I see you again?' she asked and kissed him hotly around his mouth, her breathing becoming quickly laboured as her body responded easily to his teasing.

'Feel free to choose' the same words he had told her a dozen times before this time scraped his throat.

She flushed his cheek against his and embraced him with such strength that he lost his breath 'I will come tomorrow' she whispered and then bit his neck demandingly. Then before he had the chance to drag her into his rooms and throw her in bed, she pushed him away and run to her door. With one last look at him she entered her other reality and left him alone. This time he regretted her loss with growing annoyance that bordered to anger. Or maybe he was feeling the first traces of jealousy towards Mark. All this was starting to get to him in a manner that was not appropriate, expected or easily controlled.

He wanted to crash his door behind him loud enough for her to come out and cry out 'what's wrong with you!' right to his face. Give him a reason to tell her what was wrong. He wanted to do it egotistically so he could announce to Mark that she had been with him all this time. He wanted to cry out his claim upon this woman in some manner, but that would have been totally inappropriate. So instead he walked quietly to his rooms and closed the door silently. He sat down at his easy chair, covered his face with his hand and closed his eyes. Then he began a silent vigil, counting inwards deliberately slow, until he manage to abate his brewing anger towards the rooms next door.

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	30. Chapter 30

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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!

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Hermione sat crossed legged in front of the empty fireplace, her eyes getting lost on the black grate. She started nibbling one of the last fingernails she had left intact. She munched it off and spat it on the grate, not caring about her unladylike manners. The need to get up and run out of the apartments overtook her like a strong tide. That would have been the easiest solution, but not the most mature one, and she was trying hard to be an adult today.

Her eyes fell towards their bedroom where she heard the mixed voices again and her skin crawled. She stopped eating her nails and her eyes gazed at the exit. All she had to do was get up and run…run straight into his...

 _arms..._

She closed her eyes and covered her face with her sweaty palm. That was all she had wanted to do for several days now, but since yesterday the feeling had intensified. Since their encounter in front of the Shrieking Shack, where the Professor lost his control with her, almost a month had passed. She spent that month in between arms. Something that _could_ have been barely acceptable as things were, but unfortunately the whole deal didn't remain in the arms department only. It extended to the heart also.

 _In between hearts..._

She squeezed her eyes tight and felt the all too familiar knot in her stomach twist just at the thought of him. They had met almost every day, even if just for a little while. He never pressured her for those meetings. She sought them out herself, sneaking out behind Mark's back. Ginny assisted her vastly, by telling Mark that she had some serious family issues and Hermione was helping her. So, with that lame excuse, she sought him every day. She chased after him into the laboratories, across the grounds, into his apartments, even through the corridors.

She needed his solid presence to hold on to with a desperation that scared her. Their unethical involvement had turned from unbidden and unexpected, to necessary for her survival. She observed him warily as he grew stronger day by day, as he gained weight and slowly transformed to the imposing figure of authority she knew from old. His constant battle to cling onto life, now became a steady improvement that scared her, because he was going to leave them soon. Just thinking about that caused her immense anxiety. She didn't want him to leave, period.

So she sought him out, and during their meetings they did everything a dirty mind could imagine except kiss or fuck. He brought her repeatedly over the edge with enviable ease in various ways. He made her relearn her body and its reactions from ground zero. He made her appreciate her real fiery nature that had a spontaneity which was so distanced from her overbearing self, always needing to plan three steps ahead. Even though he explored her most intimate places multiple times, he was still not kissing her. Apparently, this was something too personal for him, and she was certainly not exhibiting loyalty to him.

She tried many times to make him loose control, like he had at the Shrieking Shack, but failed miserably. He kept his command over their encounters like a soldier, bending, but not breaking under her ministrations. She had no idea in what kind of mood she had caught him that day at the Shack, but she was praying hard that she could catch him in it again. Then maybe he'd give way and they'd end up rolling on the floor, a mess of sweaty hands and legs entwined in a dance of passion.

She wanted so much to make love to him that her womb was twitching with need every time she imagined them fucking each other to the point of fainting. Snape had wrapped her around his little finger, simply by requiring nothing from her. Unfortunately for her, and for her heart, it was not just his sexual command that won her over. It was everything about him. She didn't seek only sexual release from him. She sought … _him_ and he knew it. It was hard not to notice it, when many times all she wanted to do was simply cuddle in his arms and talk, something he accommodated with a gentleness she appreciated more than words could tell.

On so many nights she came close to telling him that she belonged to him, wanting to taste his lips and the rest of his body buried deep inside her, but she always stopped at the last minute. Declaring something so bold would shift things violently around for all of them. It was the truth though, she felt it. She belonged to him in every way. What Mark lost day in and day out, Severus gained without knowing, but she still found it hard to tell him.

 _because ...he cannot offer me what Mark does…_

No matter how much she felt for the Professor now and how little for Mark, one thing was certain. Severus could not offer her a family life whilst Mark could. She couldn't just dismiss her opportunity for stability just because her heart was crying out for a rolling stone. On the other hand, having a family with someone you didn't ultimately love was hypocritical.

She knew people who never fell in love with each other that had solid bases upon which they built strong and beautiful families. Whereas people who redefined the meaning of love were worlds broken apart years later. Severus offered her blazing passion, enlightenment, a reality for her that was addictive. He was everything she ever wanted from a lover. He was the redefinition of …love…but…

 _Fuck what am I going to do…?_

Thinking about him all the time was not helping her current situation, especially since she didn't know if he shared _some_ of those feelings with her. Not all of them, Gods no! Just a small portion of what she was feeling would have been enough. Penetrating Snape's hard outer shell and getting a glimpse onto his inner thoughts and emotions was almost impossible. He kept himself carefully guarded, although that day at the Shack she was honoured with a breath-taking peek behind the dark curtains of his eyes, and she longed to see more; if only he dropped those steely defences. Ginny insisted that he wouldn't have resisted full penetration with such a lovely young woman, unless all this meant something more to him on some deeper level. Could Severus be feeling something for her? Was that something worth taking risks for? Should she care about how he felt, or simply embrace her own feelings and run along with them, telling her mind to fuck off?

All these unanswered questions felt like a ton of weight on her mind, driving her absolutely insane. She felt tears welling as her heart screamed for one man and her logic for another. Her eyes snapped towards the bedroom door that opened up suddenly. She restrained her need to bolt upright as she didn't want to act like a bloody adolescent when Mark escorted his parents back to the living room.

 _Yes…_

His parents decided to come visit unexpectedly when Mark had announced their engagement. They knocked on their door yesterday morning, catching Hermione very sleepy with her mind occupied by another man, looking at them as if she had just woken up into a nightmare.

Mark offered to facilitate them at the castle. They didn't intend to stay more than five days as they were on their way to some relatives in Northern England, but Hermione felt that even one hour was too much. When they retreated to the apartment that Minerva so kindly offered, Hermione had a loud brawl with Mark about their uninvited appearance. He swore he had no part in their decision, but that they meant well. Hermione's anger couldn't be appeased so she ran out of her apartment at two in the morning, not caring if he suspected her of infidelity anymore, and ended up in Severus rooms.

The Professor listened to her patiently and then advised her to return home. When she refused point blank he agreed to let her stay reluctantly. It wasn't the first time they were sleeping together, but he found her reaction rather unpredictable. She didn't give a damn how unpredictable she looked to Severus, she just didn't want to spend the night with Mark. She didn't want the lingering fear of his parents knocking on her door next morning.

She cuddled inside the arms of the only man that caused her goosebumps by touching her back with his chest and fell into a deep sleep. He woke her up next morning and urged her to go back and try to mend things. Unless she wanted to blow the whole deal sky high. Whatever the choice, it was up to her.

She was reluctant to leave him, but he was right. She had to own up to her obligations. Mark didn't ask her where she had been all night long, which made her slightly apprehensive. Nevertheless, she said nonchalantly that she went to Ginny's house. He seemed agreeable enough, not allowing her to figure out if he believed her, or he was trying to keep things calm in front of his parents.

'Well Hermione dear, your apartments are simply adorable,' Mark's mother, Ayanna said as they all returned from the detailed tour of their living area.

Hermione forced herself to smile and knew that she failed by the cold look everyone was giving her. 'Thank you, Ayanna, these were the best rooms Minerva could afford to offer us. They are spacious and more than we need right now,' she replied and came round the couch.

'For now, of course, but later you will need _more_ space. Has that been taken into consideration?' Ayanna took off her glasses and cleaned them with the end of her sleeve. She was a stout middle aged woman with small beady eyes that resembled olives, dark brown hair and a face chiselled with austerity. Her attitude was always distant and cold.

'What do you mean?' she looked worriedly at Mark.

He flicked his shoulders indicating that he had no idea what his mother was saying.

'I mean about children dearest. Do you not plan to have children with my son?' Ayanna placed her glasses on her beady eyes and offered Hermione a frozen smile.

Her heart felt like a cold hand squeezed it tight. She didn't know if that was from the frozen smile of Ayanna or the thought of having children with Mark. 'Uhm, of course we do, but its too soon yet, right Mark?' she sat at the couch feeling her knees loosening under her.

'Yes of course,' Mark offered a seat to his parents, not particularly giving any attention to her dire state.

'So you plan on living here when you have children?' his mother asked again and looked at her husband testily. Philip didn't say anything. As always remaining passively mute, observing the surroundings with a look of disapproval.

'That was the original plan,' she muttered not knowing if she wanted to reach out for Mark's hand or push him and his parents out of the door.

'You could find a larger house and transport in and out of school,' Ayanna replied. 'What do you think Philip?' she asked her husband.

 _What is she asking him for? She should be asking me_...! Hermione frowned angrily.

'I agree,' Phillip nodded and then resumed his observation of the surroundings.

'The Professors don't transport straight to the castle. It is closed off to floo network and portals alike. Even apparitions happen outside the gates,' Hermione said coldly. Fear about the possibility of a future life with Mark and anger at his coldness in this interrogation began seething in her heart. She was being left alone to deal with this hell….

'Well you could transport to Hogsmeade and then come here by other means, as everybody else is doing,' Ayanna said quietly.

That calm facade was making Hermione even angrier at the middle-aged woman. 'I can't do that, right Mark?' she looked at him sternly, wanting to engage him in this rising argument.

'Hermione is kind of right mother,' he said with an indifferent voice and another hot flash of anger woke up towards him this time.

 _Kind of ...?_

'Hermione is Head of House. She needs to be on post twenty-four seven. I could probably get away by using your method, but not her,' he explained, but Hermione knew that sentence threw her into the lion's den for good. She braced herself.

Ayanna lifted her eyebrows testily. 'Dear me, then maybe she should resign from Head of House and concentrate on her new family now.' Her voice drew abnormally in the silent apartments and the ticking of the clock above the fireplace was the only sound that animated that scene for several seconds.

When Hermione stiffened, her clothes shifted under her and all attention was on her. 'Ayanna with all due respect, what you are suggesting is preposterous. I love my work and I would do nothing to damage it. I love being head of House and a Professor. It's not only a great responsibility, but it also allows me to face the children's needs daily,' she schooled her voice to be steady and calm and forgot the need to seek out Mark's hand. She was obviously getting no support from him in this, but rather the exact opposite. He left her alone to deal with his overbearing mother. Her mood shift was obvious to all.

'I think that maybe your own children would value your time more than your students,' Ayanna said pointedly and that prickle nettled Hermione a lot.

'My children, if we ever have any, are going to understand that this is my job. Besides it is too early to be talking about the future in such details, don't you think?' she asked and stood up.

Her mind was already made up as the words of Ayanna made her need to see Severus almost equal to the need for breathing.

'Indeed, we have all the time in the world to discuss such matters when you come over to visit for the summer,' Ayanna settled back calmly, not fazed by Hermione's shifting mood.

A wave of fear rushed through her. 'I thought we had arranged our vacation already Mark?' she asked and looked at him.

'Yes mother,' he turned to Ayanna 'Hermione and I have made arrangements to go on a trip around Scotland,' he said coldly. He didn't even turn to look at her. Some twisted part of her thought that he might be enjoying her discomfort. Might be punishing her in some manner for something.

'But surely you will find time to visit us. We have relatives invited over to celebrate your engagement. Maybe talk about your marriage plans!' Ayanna smirked at her and Hermione winced inwardly.

 _Ah, no, I am not going to do that now…_

If they continued down that path they were going to end up arguing, and she didn't need that. All she needed was a place to pacify her anxiety and she was already on her way to doing that, by putting on her shoes and picking up her coat. She didn't care if she looked abrupt or rude. She simply needed to get out of there.

'Can we discuss this later?' she asked and placed her hand on the door knob.

Mark stood up suddenly animated and walked up to her. His body language looked threatening but she didn't move an inch. 'What are you doing? Where are you going?' he hissed and grabbed her bicep. He squeezed her to the point of pain, but she didn't mind.

'I am sorry, something happened to Ginny. She called me when you were giving your parents a tour. I _have_ to go,' she said, trying to make her voice sound stable.

'My parents are here! You cannot just leave us like this!' he spat and squeezed her arm more.

'You are hurting me… and I do have to go,' she forced a smile at him and raised her finger for him to wait. His grip on her relaxed a little. She turned to his parents, 'Will you excuse me Ayanna and Phillip? I had a rather important call from a friend in need and I have to leave. I have cooked a meal for all of you and I have set the table. You should both sleep in the extra room of our chambers tonight. Tomorrow we would love to treat you out to lunch in Hogsmeade. There we might have a chance to catch up properly,' her forced smile felt so wrong, but was apparently good on the outside. Mark let go of her arm and Ayanna smiled her frozen smile. Even the expressionless Philip nodded his accordance from his place in front of the fireplace.

'That sounds lovely, go now, this is a good opportunity to catch up with my son,' Ayanna shooed her away. Almost making her think that they had _wanted_ her to go in the first place. Apparently, her abrupt departure suited all of them.

'It's so nice to have you over, have a good rest tonight,' she said and put on her coat.

'Goodnight,' Ayanna said almost dismissively and turned to Philip to talk.

'You may have convinced my parents, but not me. What the FUCK is going on Hermione?' Mark hissed close to her and the gleam on his eyes was menacing.

She shivered involuntarily. 'Ginny is having a hard time Mark, I have to go to her, whether you believe me or not. Call her through the fireplace and you will find out if I am telling you the fucking truth. Also, don't take on this nasty attitude with me! It was not me knocking on their door out of the blue! I cannot leave Ginny alone just because they decided they had too much free time in their hands and decided to visit over! I am sorry!' she spat close to his face and they remained like that for several tense moments, breathing hard on each other's face. 'Tomorrow we will all do something together, I promise,' she said and had to keep herself from showing him her teeth like an angry dog.

His jawline tightened and she saw the knuckles of his hands becoming white from the corner of her eye. This was not going to end up good, but she couldn't care less at that moment. 'Go, but don't ever think that this is over!' he warned and opened the door for her.

She nodded briefly and felt the air swish around her shanks as the door crashed behind her only too rudely. Great way of telling his parents that their relationship was under severe tension. She held her coat tight around her chest and tread quickly away from her apartments. When she rounded the next corridor, she leaned back on the wall and sighed deeply. Her breathing was laboured from the fear that Mark's ways sparked in her heart, and from the need to see Severus and bury herself in his arms.

A few words escaped her pink whispering lips and she walked back from whence she had come. She passed the door to her apartments quickly and offered it a fleeting look of displeasure. She reached his door and knocked on it softly. Her head kept turning back to her door in apprehension. She could hear them talking inside, but that didn't mean that she felt safe standing there in front of Severus's door with a stupid displacement spell to cover her tracks up.

'Come on, come on,' she murmured and knocked a third time looking around to her door again. That is when she heard a creak which made her heart jump with happiness. She looked at him. He had his hair back in a ponytail and he was wearing glasses.

'May I come in?' she whispered hastily.

He backed away from the door not omitting to offer a look of confusion to her door. 'By all means,' he said and showed her inside.

She ran into the room and gave a quick glance about it. Several books were on the couch open alongside handwritten notes and a steaming cup of coffee was at the side table. She had caught him studying. She dropped her coat to the floor with no need for propriety and turned to him as he approached her from behind.

'What's wrong?' he barely had the time to ask, because she fell on him and held him like a barnacle.

'Take me in your arms,' she whispered and buried her head near his neck. She began giving him soft kisses there.

Immediately his arms snaked around her body pulling her onto him and she rested all the weight of her troubles on him, releasing a long-kept breath upon a skin full of goosebumps. 'Hermione what is going on?' he asked the worry now obvious in his voice.

She didn't want to talk to him. She only wanted to smell the vibrant musky scent of his skin and feel the weight of his arms around her.

'In a moment, can you please just hold me?' she muttered into his neck and felt his hair raising again in response to her hot breath. She smiled as his arms tightened around her and he rested his cheek on her head. His long fingers drew circles on her lower back and she sighed contently. She needed nothing else. It felt as if the weight of the whole world had been lifted from her tired body. She sighed deeply several times over as he kept her there gently without asking her anything. She didn't know how long they had been standing like that, but when she felt him moving them she mumbled her objection.

He sat down and drew her onto his lap. She leaned her body on his and pulled her legs up on the couch. Her fingers found the collar of his black shirt and began playing with it thoughtfully 'Did something happen or did you just want to see me today?' he asked.

'If I told you that I desperately needed to see you will you believe me?' she muttered and leaned her head below his shoulder on the top of his chest.

'Most probably, but judging by the tension I feel in you, I'd also ask the reason for this desperate need,' he replied quietly.

'Do I have to have a reason for needing to see you? I just did,' she retorted.

'Your prerogative little lady, but today in particular you were supposed to be with your in laws, not with me. You told me so yesterday, remember?' he asked and caressed her temple gently.

'Who cares! I left them to their son!' she spat and her hand found its way down his side. She wanted to caress him and fire him up. She wanted him to do things to her, not ask her about the exact thing she was trying to run away from.

'Why?' he asked slowly.

She pushed back with an angry frown and straddled him almost possessively. She flushed her breasts on his chest and began a slow rubbing game of their hips, smiling as his breath caught 'Because I cannot stand them,' she hissed and lowered her head on his neck. Her mouth opened up and her tongue came out to touch his skin enjoying his quiver, 'Now do you mind with all the questions?' she purred at him.

'You don't want me to ask you questions?' his head leaned at the side allowing her room to tease him.

'No,' she hissed and bit him. He gasped and his fingers got buried on her hair.

'What do you want me to do to you then?' he whispered.

'You know what I want,' she said and felt her core heating up quickly.

His lifted his head and his eyes burned through her skin. 'As much as I am tempted to fuck your brains out right now, I will do nothing of the sort Hermione. And nothing similar to it either,' he said and untangled his fingers from her hair. He pushed her back a little and she felt her arousal falling into a dark cold pit. This was the only man that she found impossible to control and she both hated and loved him for that.

 _Loved…?_ her mind asked and she frowned outwards.

'Why?' she asked and felt the need to grab her shoulders protectively at his obvious dismissal.

'Because you came here furious about something. Having any kind of sex with you, no matter how helpful it might be as a start, it won't solve your problems. You will still be mad when you leave these rooms,' he replied and his hand came up and caressed her long hair. She felt her heart melting and she leaned on him again. She rested her head on his chest and tightened both arms and legs around him not wanting to let him go.

'You are right,' she replied and the sudden need to cry was all but a step away. He was right of course. Her impatient need to make love to him derived from the tension she had been feeling since Mark's parents arrived.

'Are you going to tell me what is going on? I was in the middle of a very interesting book…,' he trailed off and his hand caressed her shoulder blade gently.

'You mean to tell me that you find your books more interesting than me? I felt that!' she spat and made a sharp move to get off of him. He grabbed her from both arms and brought her back down to his lap.

She glared at him warningly, 'I am not well today Severus, please don't play with me.'

He picked up a few stray tendrils near her temple and arranged them carefully behind her ear. 'Forgive me Hermione,' he said honestly. He was always so serious that it was hard to discern his mood sometimes.

She closed her eyes and sighed, 'Severus I just...,' she couldn't finish.

'What?' he urged her on.

She leaned her forehead upon his and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'I just want to be here. Exactly as I am right now. Forever...can I do that?' she murmured feeling his breath upon her mouth.

'It's your choice I suppose,' he said with a simplicity that slapped her across the face.

W _hat_ …?

She pulled back and gazed at him questioningly. 'Are you saying that this is my choice? That if I _choose_ to do it, you will accept?' she tried to read his eyes but failed.

'Maybe,' he replied.

'That's not a fair answer! Don't let this go with the wind!' she felt eyebrows knitting.

'Why are you like this today?' he looked at her carefully, not intending to continue down the thread that she mostly wanted.

 _FINE then..._ she felt another bout of anger and this time directed towards him. Her mood changes were so quick today that she felt totally unbalanced. She didn't need any more duality in their conversation today, she just wanted straightforwardness.

'Because of Mark's parents. They came out of nowhere, uninvited and began messing with our living arrangements, with our jobs and our lives,' she pushed him back. She stood up, suddenly not needing his intimacy and headed for the small bar. She picked up the bottles trying to decide which she was going to get drunk with.

'Don't you think they have the right to do so then?' he put on his reading glasses and picked up his notes. She couldn't believe how easy it was for him to act so superior around her, with a self-control that was simply infuriating. He didn't seem phased at all by what was happening between them.

She poured herself a drink and crashed the bottle back down. 'Why do they have this right, Severus?! This is my life for goodness sake! Who gave them the right to prance into my apartments and judge the way I live? Who gave them the bloody right to tell me that our apartments are too small for children, and who told them that they can fucking bribe me to give up my positions in this school, in exchange for a bigger house in the country? Whoever told them that I even want to have kids with their son!' she hissed at him as if he was some weird representation of Mark's parents and then saluted him with her drink. She gulped it down with one sip. It burned her throat like molten lava and she coughed hard.

'That's muggle Vodka, so you'd know…,' he pointed out and observed her carefully above the rim of his glasses.

'I don't care. Here see? I'll have another one. Now tell me who gave them those rights?! Because sure as hell it wasn't me!' she hurled and served herself another glass. She quickly gulped it down, resuming a series of hard coughing. She didn't know if she was going to pass out from that one or puke, but either suited her right now.

He placed his notes down and removed his glasses. He observed her calmly for a few seconds 'Maybe the fact that you are engaged to their son,' he replied quietly.

'Ha! It's their _son_ that I am engaged that's true. Not them!' she harked and threw her hands in the air.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'Some parents tend to fuck up the lives of their children unfortunately,' he appeared to take her breakdown seriously after seeing her so decided to down two glasses of vodka so easily.

'I don't care what they do with Mark, but I won't allow them to fuck up my life!' she rejoined hotly and refilled her glass. Wasn't it funny that she didn't feel any dizziness?

'Rethink about consuming that third glass Hermione, it is going to knock you out and I don't want to be the one that will have to explain how you ended up in my care drunk out of your mind,' he pointed out.

'You won't have to, don't worry. I am going to take care of myself' she spat and gulped down the third glass quickly. When she finished, she crashed it down upon the table also. 'Besides as you can plainly see I can hold my liquor very well,' she said haughtily.

He raised his brow. 'Vodka is unpredictable. You may feel nothing now, but the moment your blood pressure changes for any reason you are going to see the world spinning out of control. Can you please sit down?' he cleaned the notes from his side and patted the couch enticing her to come to him as if she was a lap dog.

Her egotism rebelled and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She felt like a stubborn little child. 'Hermione, do me the favour,' he tried again.

She moved slowly and sat down next to him. 'Fine then, ok now?' she asked still holding her arms protectively around her shoulders.

He leaned his elbow on the back of the couch and stippled his fingers calmly. 'From the moment I returned to this bloody castle unwillingly, I came across a serious young witch, old beyond her years, calm and collected, but now...,' he trailed off.

'Now?' she asked feeling her eyes slightly burning with the prologue of tears.

'I see a hormonal teenager, out of control,' he rejoined with the same calm facade that was making her so mad.

She laughed, 'That hormonal teenager is _part_ of me and I am prone to human errors. I am not _trained_ to cover up my emotions as well as _you!_ ' she wanted to lash out to him.

'Who told you that I go through emotional rollercoasters and I try to cover them up?' he asked with a lopsided smile.

'Then you are _not_ human!' she spat at him and rubbed on her eyes angrily, 'Why did I ever come here? I thought you were going to make me feel better not worse,' she whispered more to herself than him.

'How? By fucking you, or by telling you what you want to hear? I am not famous for passing out favours,' he replied knitting his brows testily.

'Of course. Brutal honesty. That's the Professor I remember so well,' she replied.

'Hermione, I am not going to lie to you. You came to the rooms of your lover, while your future husband is at your house with his parents probably discussing your upcoming marriage. What kind of reaction did you expect out of me? To fuck you?' he asked.

She looked up at him and snorted. 'You've taken me so many times, why not today?' her mouth tasted bitter from the way he was treating her.

'Whenever I _had_ you, you were not up to your neck in trouble. Today you only want some kind of release for your tensions. I won't take advantage of you, I am sorry,' he replied and looked at her quietly.

 _Fuck..._

She buried her head in her hands and nodded, 'I know, I am sorry too,' she murmured. Not knowing what more to tell him. He was not only right, but he was also treating her with what she accused him of having lack off. With care.

 _Bloody idiot Hermione..._

She raised her eyes to him and felt tears staining them, 'I am so sorry Severus,' she muttered.

He shook his head. 'Did you expect me to congratulate you for leaving your in laws alone with your future husband?' he asked ignoring her apologies with great ease. Apparently, they were not what he was looking for.

She shook her head and felt it slightly woozy.

'Maybe you were expecting comforting lies from me, Hermione,' he said firmly.

She looked at his eyes in painful need, but he ignored her without too much trouble.

'Wrong person,' he finished and shook his head dismissively. His mood was beginning to shift around too, but Hermione didn't notice.

She looked at her hands and felt her heart burning up with so many suppressed emotions at that moment. 'I ...couldn't stay. I was choking,' she muttered honestly.

Silence fell in the room. She raised her eyes to him. He was observing her closely. 'I can understand that all too well. I am choking too,' he averted his stare for the first time since she came in. 'Still your actions were not that of an adult. You told me not to run from my problems and face them. Maybe you should too!' he stood up abruptly and walked towards his desk. He picked up a vial from his medication and drank it.

Hermione saw that only a few bottles remained...

 _W_ as his remedy so close to an end? Her eyes gazed at him with renewed fear. If the potion was almost done then…

'You are choking too?' she asked and scooted to the edge of the couch wanting to keep a good eye contact with him, without wanting to stand up. She wasn't sure she could.

He turned around slowly and leaned upon his desk. 'I am leaving' he said simply.

Those three simple, but so clear words echoed inside the room and stopped every operation of her brain. They resounded inside her mind like a gunshot and then a void ensued, were she kept looking at him like a fish out of the water.

'Leaving?' she murmured not able to make her mind focus. Then panic started pooling at the bottom of her stomach twisting it around painfully.

'Yes, as was expected,' he said and looked towards the floor. Avoiding her burning eyes again.

'Look at me!' she commanded. He raised his eyes to her. 'Where are you going?' she asked breathless.

'Does it matter?' his brow creased.

She raised her hand and stopped him. 'Wait! Are you actually telling me that you are leaving me?' she asked her voice slowly getting heavier. The sharp claws of fear slowly tore the flesh off her heart as they squeezed around it. It felt as if someone suddenly denied her the right to breathe.

'You knew I was going to leave when the cure was over. I don't intend to stay here. I never did,' he replied quietly.

A _fter what I did for you, you are leaving me alone...?_ Her mind rebelled.

She closed her eyes and felt the tears pooling in them. The fear melted away into pain both physical and emotional. Pain so strong it was almost hard to bare. 'I talked to you, I confided in you. I touched you and I felt the vibration of your life under my fingers. I caressed your hair and it felt like magic in my hands. I came to _you_ and I kissed you. I wanted you to have me more than anything in the world and you did. Now after all this...after _ALL THIS..._ you are leaving me?!' her voice was elevated, but she didn't care if Mark could hear them through their closed doors. Her tears finally got released and began running down her cheeks.

He looked at her sternly. 'Hermione, we had a lovely experience together, but you knew from the start it was not meant to be forever,' he said carefully.

'HOW?' she snapped and looked at him behind her tearstained eyes. She forgot all about Mark and his parents. This new terror of never seeing Severus again was unsurpassed. Only then did she realise how strongly she felt for him.

 _Oh Gods, please help me...I love him…_! Her mind cried and her soul sank deep in the fear of his departure.

'What?' he asked in clear confusion. She could see his calm facade retreating. She was starting to get to him.

 _Good...!_

 _'_ I said HOW was I supposed to know that you were going to leave me!' she cried and felt her vocal chords distorting under the pressure.

'Wait a moment Hermione! What _did_ you expect from me exactly?' he asked raising his brow and moving closer to her with calculated steps of admirable control. He looked like a tiger circling it's pray.

 _Maybe to love me also…that's how foolish I am…_

'I expected too much, but you are acting the only way you know. Like the usual cold bastard I knew from school,' she cleared her eyes quickly, wanting her eyesight to clear up. She was trying to read his face but it was all blurry.

'Keep your labels aside and tell me exactly where you thought that our situation was going to end. Haven't we discussed this already?' he said his own voice suppressed with emotions never spoken.

'What's this Severus? You are up for a little game of truth?' she harked bitterly.

'Yes, why not then?' he asked.

She looked up at him. Tall and commanding as ever he was standing there with his arms crossed. His long black hair gathered behind his head. His black boots shining under the candle light and his shirt partly open at the neck from her hungry kisses a while back. His eyes black and penetrating her very soul. Her heart broke apart at his image.

'Very well then, I expected that you'd at least appreciate what I have done for you since the beginning,' she had a great difficulty controlling her tears. Wrath was slowly forming in her heart towards his continuous dismissal and lofty coldness.

'I have appreciated what you did more than you know,' he replied raising his brow, 'I think I have proven that to you already.'

'Yes, by denying to make love to me!' she replied hotly.

This time it was his turn to hark. 'I didn't know that our sexual involvement was payment for your hospital shifts when I was comatose. Nice one Miss Granger, or should I say Mrs. Whatever-your-husband's-last-name-is…,' he offered her his back and walked towards the window.

'Severus, fuck that came out wrong I am so sorry,' she tried feeling her heart tearing apart.

He remained silent observing outside.

'Look at me please! I didn't mean what I said. I just wanted to tell you, that ...I wanted to make you understand that...Severus...please...I...,' she closed her eyes and felt the pain shredding her soul to pieces.

'Explain what you meant,' he commanded coldly without turning towards her.

'I meant that I gave you part of my heart during those moments of need. I never did it in order to gain something out of you. I acted out of heart alone. I came to you and I touched you not only with my body, but also with my heart. I don't know how much you have realised of this, but I am telling you now. I expected you to feel the same for me, which was something that apparently was too difficult. Its ok, I am not here to spread blame or hate. You never made love to me, because you never felt strongly enough for me. That's all I meant back there with that stupid sentence. I don't even know if I am making sense to you now either,' she tried and exhaled. Having all but confessed her love to him, a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Maybe now he could understand where she was coming from. Maybe now she could accept that he was not feeling anything for her and she could move onto to mourning a lost love that was never meant to be.

'It's easy to believe that, isn't it?' his voice was as cold as ice.

'What do you mean?' she asked surprised. She hadn't been expecting this reaction to her most heartfelt confession.

He turned around and raised his brow. 'Easy to think that I was the problem in the equation and not _you_ , _'_ he said solemnly.

'Me? I just told you that I did everything for you, because I feel for you...don't you understand?' her features distorted.

 _What is he telling me?_

'What do you feel for me when you are already engaged to be married to another man? Anything deeper than a couple of hard climaxes above my teaching desk? Maybe some teenager fantasy fulfilment at the best of cases…?' he asked ruthlessly and walked slowly towards her. His features were dark and settled. He was merciless.

'Oh, that was bloody low,' she hissed and looked at him almost with hatred. She would have never expected such a low blow from him especially when she had all but confessed that she was in love with him. Ginny's words came to her mind then, with vengeance.

B _e careful or this will blow up in your face. From Mark or Severus…_

'You wanted fucking honesty. Button up and take it like a woman!' he barked in a low threatening tone that raised the hair on her back. He stood close to her. Looming above her.

'I feel for you bloody asshole! More than you can imagine! You appeared out of nowhere and affected me in ways I didn't bargain for. It is not easy for me to just break up with Mark! Instead of understanding that I am a complete mess torn in half, you talk to me like trash! I must congratulate myself for...'

 _Loving you..._ she hissed at herself and sprang on her feet, intending to walk loftily to the door and crash it upon his face. The moment she stood up though she felt a simultaneous wave of nausea and faint coming over her.

 _The Vodka..._

She barely had the time to register that she lost her footing when two strong arms wrapped around her and kept her up. Her body leaned on his and her head fell to his chest without any strength. The world was twisting violently around her. 'Don't touch me,' she mumbled trying to push him away. Mostly because she didn't want to puke all over him. She had her pride stained already by his words.

'I won't let you collapse,' his voice vibrated through her spine.

'You didn't mind messing with me emotionally, and now you suddenly care about my physical state? You are an insufferable wizard…I don't know what I am doing here with you…,' she laughed and pushed him away, this time managing to slip his tight grip. She took two steps away from him when a hand of iron fell on her wrist and pulled her back. A gash of air escaped her as her chest fell upon his.

'What the hell do you think you are doing!' she cried.

He manipulated her backwards making her dizziness even worse. The moment the bed caught the back of her knees she tumbled backwards. A wave of nausea almost paralysed her and all she could do was plead with him. 'Let me get up please!'. She tried to push him back but her hands couldn't badge his superior physical strength.

He climbed up after her and leaned his body carefully above hers to immobilise her. His knee spread her legs gently and she opened her eyes to look at him through a curtain of fog. His elbows rested against her shoulders and his large palms cupped the top of her head. His long fingers began massaging her scalp and his eyes looked at her with care. His mouth never spoke, but she felt his magic rolling deep inside her. Getting rid of the alcohol in her bloodstream and lifting the blanket of nausea easily off her.

'Severus?' she whispered and felt her eyes tearing up.

He rocked against her in reply and her legs wrapped around his hips eagerly. She caressed his arms slowly and then her fingers grazed his nape. 'Severus? I feel for you, please believe me,' she murmured.

He leaned his head down and their lips touched as their breaths battled in tension...

A _sk me...ask me if I am yours..._ she prayed inside her mind but her egotism stopped her from speaking. His ways back there had bruised her.

'Whatever it is you feel, it's hardly enough little lady,' he whispered and as he spoke his lips moved sensually above hers. His voice resounded inside her body and made her stomach roll with pleasure. A wave of need thundered through her and her tongue lingered there behind her lips, one step from touching him. She tightened her legs, needing to show him how much she wanted this and he rocked against her again more demandingly.

'How can you say that?' her question was almost breathless.

'Say what? You said everything yourself. You are between men. What you are doing is improper and unfair to both him and me. Whatever it is you seek, try to find it. Find your answers Hermione, because in all honesty?' he stopped and looked at her eyes deeply.

A shudder run through her spine at the look in his eyes.

'You are fucking both of us up...,' he hissed and bore his teeth at her. In growing apprehension, she saw his eyes losing the cold stony wall for a fraction of a second. Behind it she saw the eyes of a burning inferno that gave her pause.

'Am I really able to fuck you up?' she asked tightening her jawline.

His brow rose darkly. 'What do you mean?'

'What kind of woman can fuck up the ruins that Lilly left behind? What kind of woman can have so much power over you?' she asked.

The air froze around them, as they lingered in silence. Her fingers felt the muscles on his shoulder tightening up. His eyes dropped the curtain completely and now behind them she saw clear wrath as her words hit a nerve that she was thoroughly avoiding all this time on purpose. Something which now she couldn't ignore, because it was the thorn in _her_ side...

'Don't you dare bring Lily into this,' he threatened and his hands left her head and landed on her wrists. His grip twisted her skin painfully as he pinned her to the mattress.

'Why not?! Didn't you want the truth? Button up and take it like a man!' she hurled back at him and tried to twist her hands away. They didn't move.

'Don't do it…,' he warned with low voice that resembled a hair-raising growl.

'You are man enough to question my ethics so openly, but you are not man enough to question your own issues? Or don't you admit that you _have_ issues of your own?' she asked relentlessly. The need to lash out to him at that moment was surpassing everything else. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted to elicit some kind of emotional response from him.

'Hermione don't!' he warned.

'Face your problems! Your love for this dead woman and her memories are stopping you from truly living. They are stopping you from grasping life and squeezing it to its last drop. Lily is stopping you from accepting what another woman might offer you. She makes you unwilling to give yourself to anyone apart from her. It is her _ghost_ that keeps you from loving anyone else. You are cold and distant. You're incapable of committing yourself to any feeling, be it good or bad, you are emotionally crippled. I am guilty for not sorting out my feelings between you and Mark, indeed I am! Y _ou_ are guilty of being unable to feel for me. You can only feel for a dead woman that was never yours. So foolish…so foolish,' she murmured with her eyes closed. Half smiling in this small victory over his ever-collected nature, but when she opened her eyes the smile wiped from her lips and a large knife slashed through her heart. Instead of seeing an angry Severus, as she expected, she saw two very hurt black eyes looking at her with tears pooling at their edges. Suddenly she realised that he had released her hands from the mattress.

She watered her lips, 'Severus...? I am sorry! I didn't mean what I said…,' her heart squeezed painfully at the pained look in his eyes.

'Get out of here,' he whispered. He pushed back and landed on the floor making her regret both her words and the loss of his body.

'Severus please wait a moment...,' she stood up quickly after him.

He turned around and his hands cupped the sides of his head. 'Get out,' he said again, his voice sounding strangely void of any emotion.

'Severus for goodness sake I am sorry! I never meant to speak to you this way…but your words hurt me deeply…LOOK AT ME!' she exclaimed and tried to find a place on him she could grab hold to. His body posture was austere.

He opened the window and the air blew gently upon him. 'So you decided to hurt me too, as if what you have been doing all this time was not enough. Go to your husband and don't ever come back here. It is over. _We ..._ whatever definition our 'we' ever had, is over Madame. I want to see nothing more of you. Honour me with your absence,' he said again coldly.

She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and felt her body shaking hard as her heart screamed in pain 'Please don't send me away…I can't…,'

 _I can't live without you..._

He turned around. The pained look was gone from his eyes and the controlled and calm facade was back in place even worse in the new light of things. 'I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you did for me whilst I was indisposed. I will try to find a way to repay you. In the meantime, I want nothing more than to be left alone,' he said quietly and turned towards the window again.

'Severus, I shouldn't have mentioned Lilly...,' she started, but the explosion that was released from him muted her.

'Get the FUCK out of here!' he cried turning around. His eyes were blazing in wrath even though the rest of his face was coldly controlled.

His words stabbed her heart. She began backing away slowly towards the door. 'Please'...she muttered.

This time his reaction was violent. He turned around and grabbed her vodka glass from the table and threw it against the wall. It shattered into dozens of pieces that ricocheted around the room. Hermione yelled. Half from fear, half from pain and she opened the door behind her. She gave one last look at his furious face as his hair that was tossed over his shoulder by the wind.

'OUT!' came the command.

She crashed the door behind her and tried to find her breath between her incontrollable sobbing. She gave a look towards her door. She didn't belong there with Mark. She wanted to get out of here.

A painful wail got released from her chest as she ran as far away from Severus as she could. The only thing on her mind as she entered the forbidden forest were his black penetrating eyes, filled with pain when she had spoken so openly about Lilly. She didn't feel the branches cutting her thighs and arms. She didn't even feel the ground moving like the wind under her feet. She could only see those pained eyes and they were more than enough to make her loose her mind...

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	31. Chapter 31

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A/N: Beta reader: u/6266213/K3ystone - As always you are saving my life!

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Severus pressed his fingers on his neck wound and tried to release his breath that felt constricted and painful since yesterday. The air whipped furiously around him and the rain belted the tower from every side. Since yesterday, were that fight with Hermione took place he couldn't stand still more than a few seconds. The oppressive feelings inside his apartments were too heavy. The wrath that had taken over him during those last moments with her, had been enough to make him wish for a closure on all fronts this time. The Astronomy tower was a place that held too many loose ends for him. As he stood there needing to lean somewhere so he wouldn't collapse the only thing on his mind was her...

For the first time in his life there was another woman apart from Lily that caused all this violent and controversial feelings in him and he simply didn't know how to handle it all. His knee jerk reaction was to run away from her demands. To flee away from the willingness of his heart to respond to those demands. He would have never expected such emotional reactions to any other woman apart from Lily, and yet now he was struggling for air with an impertinent need to find Hermione, but also to run away from her. He felt confused and deeply hurt by her words and he was angrily denying himself the right to have such contradictory feelings that weakened his outer shell. This young brunette had spoken to his face all the painful truths she had seen in him and he felt vulnerable after their bruising encounter.

The most shocking part of their argument last night, hadn't been her cold and harsh words about his love for Lily, but the improbable revelation of Hermione's love for him. Words that revealed to himself, the immeasurable depth of his feelings for her. From the first moment she talked to him when he was comatose, he had known that she was special. Only now though, after their heart wrenching fight was he able to realise how much he felt for her. All this time he tried to please her physically, despite his own needs, not caring that she officially belonged to another man. He never sought pleasure from her, even though he longed for it like crazy. He had more than a few lovers during his lifetime, but never treated them with this kind of respect. Only Lily and Hermione had woken up such deeply protective strings in his heart. Yet he ignored all these feelings and he couldn't help but wonder why.

 _Was Hermione right all along?…_

Did Lily's ghostly memories blinded him? Did they draw a hazy shade over what really mattered in his life now? He thought he laid his past to rest when he left that necklace on her grave, but had he? No, his past hadn't been laid to rest. Everything was still open and bleeding on all sides. Hermione had been right. He was too buried in his past to notice the present. She had faults that he had thrown into her face in a most ungentlemanly manner, when he referred to her fooling around two men, but he was not innocent either. She had confided her love for him yesterday and instead of taking her into his arms and making love to her, instead of claiming her and admitting his own deep feelings…he sent her away. Ironically he tore his heart apart, by doing that. Only now, getting whipped by the galloping winds at the Astronomy tower was he able to admit to himself that whatever was left of his heart belonged to her.

He dug his nails further into his skin trying to bring himself out of this emotional tornado through physical pain once again. He was a bloody mess and for the first time in years it was neither his heart nor the memories of Lily that were causing all this to him. It was a beautiful, smart and openly demanding woman that gave him the most pained look through her teary eyes when she closed the door behind her. Her words though had induced such blind wrath in him yesterday that he was unwilling to stop her from leaving. He wanted to kick her out as his infamous egotism clicked in steadily and made him act like an asshole towards her obvious breakdown.

He lived in a bloody nightmare since he was a child. He had never allowed any rays of hope to pass through the dark clouds of Lily's death. Even though he tried his best to earn Lily's forgiveness, he never forgave himself. He remained blindfolded to anything that could change his life for the better and Hermione's offers of love got pushed over easily. This woman had devoted herself to his recovery from the beginning. He allowed himself to love her body, but he never allowed himself to love her as a person. He never truly opened up to her, because of Lily's ghostly memories. He wondered if he was punishing himself by acting this way, or Hermione for her dubious behaviour.

He frowned deeply and leaned his cold hands on the railing. He looked down at the impressive drop were Albus fell to his death, by his wand. He closed his eyes and winced angrily. Another moment were he sold his soul to the devil, for the sake of Lily's son. Just in order to gain her forgiveness. Just in order to save his own soul. For what reason though…he was as good as dead anyway. He was never truly living, Hermione told him so. How _could he_ be alive when the only reason for living was a dead person's memory? The only thing sustaining him, be their spirit?

 _And not even that anymore…_

His life had been a lost cause from the moment he was born. The disappointments came one after the other. First by his parents, then from Lily and then the whole world followed. The first half of his life he dedicated his knowledge and power on destroying lives. The second half he decided to amend his dark deeds by destroying himself.

And what the hell was he doing up here at the astronomy tower at two in the morning? What was he doing inside this castle to begin with…Why didn't he let his logic take over during those critical moments after leaving Lily's tomb? Why did he allow his instincts to take over and land him here? Why did he end up in that hospital bed listening to Hermione's melodious voice offering him hope? Why did he not push back her gentle hands as they caressed his hair lovingly? Why did he allow her attitude to give him hope and make him decide to try again…try for what? He was unable to offer anything to her, no matter how much he wanted to. He still resided in the past, never living in the present, or having a possible future. She had a youthful fire burning in her heart and he couldn't fulfil her demanding personality, because he was empty inside.

 _I have to leave..._

He had to go back to his rooms, pick up the few items that belonged to him and ran out the back door, like the slithering spy he had always been. He had to go back onto the shadows and leave this beautiful woman alone. Burdening her with his inability to stand on his own two feet was not something that he was willing to do, no matter the cost on his heart.

 _You feel for her, why not try to live for someone you feel so much about…_ his mind rebelled.

'Shut up...' he murmured as his chest welled with a torrent of unspoken emotions.

'The everlasting gentleman, cursing?' a sharp inhalation whipped the air as his head turned quickly to the voice's ghostly source.

The dimly illuminated silhouette was far too clear to be mistaken. His heart thumped hard as his body straightened. His nails declawed from his skin, leaving behind a trail of hot pain. The burn felt cathartic at the moment.

'Albus' he raised his brow in salutation.

'In spirit' Albus smiled and crossed his hands in front of his stomach.

'What are you doing here?' he tried to settle down his thoughts and calm down his voice.

Albus looked around nonchalantly 'Unfortunately I am doomed to haunt this place. It is a rather bothersome duty, but between walking through paintings and keeping company to Minerva, I sometimes prefer the peace this place offers'

'Do your ghostly duties lack manners? This place is currently occupied' he replied quietly. He didn't want to talk to this man. He didn't want to face any of his demons, living or dead.

'I never intended to intrude on your privacy, but I am sorry Severus, you look like hell' Albus gaze felt very critical.

Severus tilted his head 'Thank you for the compliment, now excuse me' he rejoined and turned towards the stairs intending to leave this accursed place.

'I don't think you should leave, you need to talk to someone' Albus said gently.

He turned around abruptly and offered Albus a deadly glare 'And what makes you think that talking to you is the best choice out of all the possible ones?'

'Maybe it is' the old man spoke quietly.

He looked at the aged stones under his dragon hide boots were moss began growing between the cracks. The sound of the steady tapping of the rain heightened his senses 'Why?' he whispered. He didn't know what made him speak at that moment, but somehow he wanted an answer to this _why..._

'Because you need to face me' Albus said firmly.

 _You cannot run away forever. You need to face them...face them all in order to be free..You cannot start living again unless you break your chains..._

The air blew his hair around his face and he inhaled deeply the rejuvenating scents of the wet grounds. He didn't move either way. Neither towards the exit, nor to look at Albus. He remained there with his back turned to his past and to his future.

'What good will facing you do me?' he asked and held his breath.

'What _good_ has turning away from me done you?' Albus rebuked.

He shook his head silently.

'Remember when we first met face to face Severus out there in the outskirts of the forbidden forest? You begged me to help you save Lily…' Albus's voice was reminiscent, something that angered Severus.

 _Have I ever forgotten perchance?..._

His knuckles became white 'Yes'

'We knew each other by fame, but not personally. You know what I saw in you that day? You know why I gave you a chance to prove us wrong?' the old wizard spoke slowly in the same measured tone.

Severus turned around slowly and looked at him for the first time. He opted for silence again.

'I saw a misled man that needed a way out of hell, that needed hope. I wanted to offer you hope. All these years later, I see that you still haven't grasped it' Albus looked at him sadly.

'The only thing I wanted then was to help Lily' he replied quietly.

'When she finally died?' Albus asked carefully.

'All I wanted to do was avenge her' he replied.

'All those years?' Albus asked.

'All those years' he replied.

'You've been living inside a dead world Severus and that almost killed you' Albus shook his head in disappointment.

'I did everything I could for all of you. What more do you want?' his brows creased deeply and his heart tightened.

'Back then you were instrumental in our victory, but what about the morning after?' Albus inquired.

'What about it?' he turned and let his gaze get lost at the heavy rain clouds that didn't seem to abate their weight.

'It never came' Albus said heavily.

'That was my choice' Severus looked away dismissively.

'Was it your choice, or your inability to let go of your self inflicted chains?' Albus raised his brow.

'Does it matter?'

'To me it does' Albus frowned.

'Since when?' Severus pursed his lips testily.

'Since forever. I care for you my boy' Albus sounded honest but Severus felt inclined to overlook that.

'Do you really want to delve this deep?

'Yes' Albus nodded.

'I am not sure I do' his fingers passed through his tangled hair.

'We owed each other a conversation since you returned. Whatever makes you think that I don't care about you?' Albus asked and walked slowly around him.

Severus followed him with his eyes 'Maybe the fact that you ordered me to kill you. The fact that you didn't care about the salvation of my soul' he said dryly.

'You know I had no choice. I was dying. I didn't want Draco to stain his soul with my death. You chose your path when you joined Voldemort. Your soul was already...' Albus trailed off at a loss for words.

'…compromised. I never liked your calculating and emotionless manners' he said firmly, the accusation clear in his voice.

'Everyone had their role in the greatest scheme of things. My role was to set up the pawns of the chess game and bring Riddle down. You were my key player. I couldn't allow myself to get emotional over you when war was at hand' Dumbledore weighed every word carefully.

'So you decided that I should kill you' Severus looked at him testily.

'My death was irrevocable. The only way to secure your place as his third lieutenant was to kill me in front of his minions. Severus, you just eased my way out. I was in severe pain. I was fading away' Albus said benignly.

'I begged you…' the quietness of his voice felt eerie.

'I begged you too. I had to be strong. You had to be strong too' Albus said 'I needed you alive to take care of the school during those dark times'

'Of course, my duty above everything else' Severus shivered.

'Severus, your soul had been compromised since the day you joined Voldemort. You had nothing more to lose, only a lot to gain' Albus said.

'For your behalf. As you said my soul is compromised…' Severus felt his jawline tightening.

'Compromised yes, but not lost' Albus intervened.

'So I still have a chance you think? Even though I am standing here talking to the very man I killed?' Severus couldn't help but smirk and he felt a metallic taste in his mouth.

'You maybe accountable for several deaths in your lifetime boy, but you are not about mine. Let's just say that I gave you a chance to rectify your wrongs and you eased my way out of this life when I was suffering. Not an easy task, I admit. We are even' Albus offered him a careful side smile.

Severus nodded 'Fair enough I suppose. What are you doing here then since we are even?' he asked.

'The war is over and you played your part admirably well. You used your magical power, your brains and your monumental courage for the good for our side and we prevailed. When everything was over you decided to leave us and no one would have ever denied you that right, even though you chose to hide. Yet, you didn't utilise your freedom or your time away from us for anything, right?' Albus frowned and his eyes were questioning.

'No, I just bide my time till my death' Severus replied ruthlessly. His skin crawled.

'Why?' Albus asked.

'Has it ever crossed your mind that I never forgave myself?' he asked and felt on the verge of unshed tears.

'About what?' Albus asked.

'About all the deaths that came from my idiotic need for control and power when I felt Lily slipping through my fingers and into James's arms. About joining Riddle and his killing spree when all I ever wanted was to love one woman. About _her_ death! About _your_ death! I am a lost cause Albus' he replied clinically, his face unemotional as he spoke all those heavy words.

'Never a lost cause! 'Albus said firmly.

'I _never_ forgave myself' he rejoined coldly. The soft tapping of the rain continued quietly around him.

'Severus, the world forgave you. Lily, she forgave you. You protected her son. You kept him alive all these years when the fiends of hell were after him…' Albus's voice for the first time sounded sentimental.

'It matters not what the world or Lily think. What matters is how I still feel about what happened' he replied quietly.

'That is why you decided to run away and wither in hiding?' Albus asked softy.

'I wanted out, but I was never brave enough to commit suicide' he replied and opened his eyes. They were dry and collected, but the fire he felt inside was slowly burning him.

'Thankfully not foolish enough. When you arrived here what kept you from fading away from us? What made you grasp onto life so hard?' Albus asked.

'Instincts of survival I suppose' he flicked his shoulders.

'Severus...' Albus trailed off thoughtfully.

He didn't hear the warning of that tone 'Time has passed us by. You in death and me in life. I don't know what it was that kept me from dying...all I know is that everything was for nought' he finished quietly.

'Why?' Albus asked.

'I still am unforgiven' he whispered 'That's no life'

'I noticed that you came rather close with Professor Granger during your stay…' Albus tried to shake him out of that dark mood that seemed to be consuming him.

He stiffened visibly 'You have been indiscreet' he warned.

'I'll admit it was rather difficult to turn the other way when the two of you got involved so passionately in front of the painting I was sleeping in' Albus said with a side smile.

'What are you up to Albus?' he said dryly.

'Only that as it seems you do have something to live for' Albus raised his brow.

'Professor Granger?' he asked with a smile.

Albus nodded.

'She is engaged to be married' he shook his head dismissively.

'Sometimes things are not that straightforward…' Albus tried, but Severus talked over him.

'She is also young and full of life. She needs things I cannot offer her. We shared some beautiful moments and nothing more' he said clinically.

'Severus, you are misleading yourself' Albus chastised.

'You are the one that is misled' he rebuked.

'You are hard on both yourself and her'

'Let me handle this and keep your distance' Severus said dryly.

'Very well. What do you intend to do now, hide in the shadows again?' Albus asked with a deep sigh of resignation.

'I am leaving Albus' he rubbed his forehead, feeling very tired. The talk about Hermione made his heart bleed again.

'From the back door?' Albus asked.

'Of course' he rejoined.

'You cannot run away all the time. Your problems will always run after you as they did all those years that you hid from the world' Albus frowned.

'So I should probably face my problems…' he smiled dryly, already knowing the answer.

'If you want to have a chance to live again free, yes you should face them. Clean your slate Severus, but not in the same manner you tried to do it when you were working for me. Tie down the loose ends' Albus said.

'Who ever gave you the idea that I want a chance to a new life?' he gazed at the old wizard intensely.

Albus gazed him with equanimity 'You son…'

Severus gave his old friend a lopsided smile 'Whence from?'

'Your aura is not dark anymore. It has a soft blue hue around it. You are trying to shine again timidly, which is very touching. You have a faint hope for the future and I believe that Miss Granger gave this hope to you, despite your strong denial. For me it's very obvious that you don't intend to hide away. Your need for life is blindingly strong now' Albus said carefully.

'Very romantic way of looking at things' he shook his head with derision.

'Its the truth no matter that you don't want to face it. Do you remember what caused your Patronus to change?' Albus said.

'I have never forgotten' he whispered with a dark tone that raised the hair on his nape.

'The Patronus is the only spell that is connected to our aura. It is part of us and it can change only through a great shock' Albus said softly.

'I know' he looked at Dumbledore trying to figure out where all this was going.

'How long has it been since you last tried your Patronus?' Albus looked at him with care.

Severus's lips quirked 'Many years ago at your office, remember?'

'Would you try it out for me?' Albus asked with a wide smile.

Severus raised his brow 'Now?'

'Yes, why not?' Albus flicked his shoulders.

 _Well, indeed why not?...What could seeing Lily's doe one more time do to me?..._

He nodded silently and reached for his wand. He gazed at Albus, feeling for some peculiar reason challenged and waved his wand in the air elegantly. The spell left the tip unspoken and a bright white light brightened the tower.

'The only Death Eater that could ever produce a Patronus. That reveals a lot about you' Albus muttered and looked at the light as it rebounded from the ceiling and landed on the floor, where it began forming into something totally unexpected.

 _What the hell?..._

Severus eyes opened wide and his mouth dropped.

'Mongoose...beautiful. So bright, well formed and powerful, like your Patronus had always been' Albus gave him a smug smile.

'A mongoose?' Severus whispered feeling at a loss.

 _Where is the doe..?_

'Yes, well it is clearly a mongoose' Albus agreed playfully.

'Where is the doe?' he felt slow and stupid, the shock of his new Patronus not letting reality settle in his mind.

'Back to where it belonged, back to Lily' Albus replied steadily.

Severus looked at him confused. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it.

'The mongoose was your original Patronus. Do you remember?' Albus asked.

'Yes…I do' he glared at his mongoose as it was checking the environment quickly and cleverly.

'So short lived unfortunately. Do you remember what it represents?' Albus pushed him gently.

Severus shook his head in confusion and kept his eyes on the agile, clever little animal that bypassed them and headed for the staircase when it saw that Severus didn't really need it for anything.

'The mongoose is a natural predator of snakes' Albus said carefully.

Severus's head jerked up 'I...remember' he spoke slowly.

'The sorting hat is regularly making mistakes as it takes into consideration not only the natural inclination of a wizard, but also their wishes' Albus shook his head.

'What?' Severus saw the tail of the mongoose disappearing and gazed at Albus.

'Your Patronus declared that you were a natural enemy of Slytherin, but you asked to be placed in it, didn't you? Ironically it was your hand that brought the lords of this house down, while you were it's Head. Your searched for power and you loved the dark arts too much. How different could have everything been, had you been sorted in Gryffindor as the hat originally intended? Where your famous courage during the war really belonged. Isn't it equally ironic that Potter chose to be in Gryffindor when the hat wanted to sort him into Slytherin?' Albus said with a wide smile.

'Forget the houses and tell me what happened to my Patronus!' he warned, not really caring about meaningless chitchat.

'It changed back to your original' Albus said with simplicity.

'Why?!' he asked firmly.

'Some shocking life changing event caused that shift. Something drew you out of your darkness and made you return to who you truly was years ago. The proof for this is your new Patronus' Albus gazed at him thoughtfully.

He sighed in resignation and shook his head in dismay.

'You went through a life changing experience Severus. You almost died and someone helped you back. Granger offered you her hand and brought you back to life. The saddest part is you never felt the change in you. You are at a loss son…' Albus shook his head in sadness.

'I always had a purpose in life Albus. My path was always straightforward' he muttered looking towards the old wizard with eyes that spoke volumes of suppressed emotions.

Albus nodded 'Yes, to avenge Lily. To avenge a love that never came to be.'

'Yes, but now?' he frowned.

'Don't you have a purpose now?' Albus asked calmly.

He shook his head dejected 'No'

'I believe that you do. Your original Patronus returned to you. For the first time after years, you are free to do things for yourself and not for others' Albus replied carefully.

Severus cupped his forehead 'What _can_ I do about all this mess then?' he whispered at himself.

'Stay' Albus had heard him quite clearly.

Severus gazed up at him.

'Stay and face your fears. You were never good at running. Stand your ground and face all your demons one by one. Tie up every loose thread and then move on. Open up your heart and see that you have laid your past at rest. Open your hands and grab the future that lays ahead of you. Don't be afraid to let Lily sleep. Don't be afraid to walk forth. Don't be afraid to look at the woman whose voice penetrated the void of your comatose sleep. Look at the woman that made your Patronus change back to yours…to the one that expresses _your true self._ This woman will allow you to be yourself Severus, not a borrowed life filled with guilt for the death of others' Albus explained patiently.

Severus heart gripped painfully and his knuckles went white...

He remained faithfully silent but his eyes were blazing towards the steady rain and the grey paleness of the sky.

'Go after Hermione' Albus pointed towards the exit 'This woman offered you enlightenment. Going after her, is like going after life!'

'Go after her and claim her from her husband?' Severus's jawline tightened.

'Yes claim her, why not?' Albus asked surprisingly easy.

'Too blunt for my tastes….' he retorted heavily.

'Claim her and then let her decide. Don't run away from her. Show her you care and let her drop the dice. You risked your life for others all these years. Dig up your famous courage and risk everything, this time for yourself!' Albus replied with fervour.

'Why are you telling me all this Albus?' he turned solemnly towards his friend.

'Because you deserve to find peace my boy and you are the only one equipped to chase your demons away before its too late' Albus eyes were clear and honest.

Severus shook his head not knowing what to answer to all this. He felt his heart palpitating and his brow perspiring.

'Someone needed to speak to you with honestly. Now that I did, everything else is up to you. Can I help you with anything else before I go back to reside in my boring painting?' Albus asked after a long time of respectful silence.

Severus tightened his fists and held his breath 'I want to know if you forgive me' he whispered.

'Forgive you?' Albus frowned and approached.

'Forgive me about everything. About my years assisting Riddle in his death reign, about the death of Lily and her husband, about Potter, but above all forgive me for killing you' his voice was barely heard.

Albus observed him closely and titled his head. A lopsided smile appeared on his lips and his eyes sparkled 'I have forgiven you eons ago. Its _you_ that needs to forgive yourself now'

Severus run his long fingers through his hair thoughtfully 'Will I ever see you again?' he asked.

'Any loose end from my side has been tied. You can see me whenever you wish' Albus smiled.

The drumming of his heart was quick and merciless and his eyes were stinging him with welled up emotions. The relief Albus's words offered was too valuable to express in anything more than a few precious words 'Thank you' he whispered, but no one answered.

Albus had left him alone as suddenly as he had appeared. He crossed his arms and grabbed strong hold of his biceps, fearing that he would spread into thin air if he ever let go.

He didn't know how long he remained on the astronomy tower, or how long it took him to walk all over the grounds, but when he finally reached the lake the rain had abated to a steady drizzle and the air was fresh and full of invigorating scents. He stopped in front of the lake silent, his clothes drenched and his long hair sticking on his cheeks. He observed the calm lake waters silently, not wanting to move an inch. He didn't want to disturb the serenity of the sleeping nature. The face of Hermione kept returning in his mind, when they argued. When she had confessed her love for him and he had send her away, unable to handle the bruising blow that her words offered when she spoke about Lily's ghost. Then he saw the mongoose sniffing the corners of the Astronomy Tower and gazing back at him with it's clever eyes and his brow became a tone darker.

That is when a voice spoke behind him. It had been soft and careful, but it made him inhale in terror.

'Severus?'

He turned around fast and he would have lost his footing and ended up in the lake if her arms hadn't caught his quickly, holding him steady.

'Severus? Are you alright?' Hermione asked and he barely saw the shadowy outlines of her face. The lines of worry were so clear in her expression.

He nodded and his jawline tightened as he remembered the words of Albus about this woman. He felt buried under tons of guilt for his treatment and so confused that he didn't know if he wanted to kiss her or push her away.

'Talk to me…' she cupped his cheeks lovingly.

He licked his lips and closed his eyes. He wanted to tell her that everything was alright, but his mouth was quicker and much more honest than his mind would have ever been 'I am so sorry' he whispered.

She frowned and her thumb run above his lips 'No need my love' she spoke softly and he felt her warm breath on his mouth.

… _my love?…_

He opened his eyes and frowned. His arms pulled her on him uncaring about how needful he seemed to her right now 'I never meant to talk to you like that last night' he gazed at her lips. Without following any logical reasoning he leaned over and touched them.

'Me neither, please believe me…' she whispered and caressed his lips as she spoke.

The need to claim her, as Albus told him, was blazing hot. It dismantled his body inch by inch and overtook him as suddenly as her appearance that evening 'What can I do to take back my hurtful words?' he breathed each word carefully on her lips, wanting to feel their softness.

The silence between them drew long. Their breaths entwined gently as their lips were locked tightly. After what felt like an eternity, where his heart beat like a drum on his ears she pulled back slightly in order to speak to him 'Ask me'

He swallowed hard and barely found the voice to talk 'Ask you?'

'Ask me if I am yours…' she whispered and her tongue passed through her lips and touched him timidly, not waiting for his question.

His heart stopped beating 'Are you mine?' he asked breathless.

A small tear run down her cheek and got trapped between their lips. He tasted it's saltiness and felt mesmerised 'Yes' she exhaled and his world exploded into a hundred bright colours.

'Hermione...' he questioned.

'Kiss me, please. I am yours…' she repeated.

His lips opened up and his tongue traced her lips tenderly 'Kiss me. I've waited for so long. Just kiss me' her nails dug on his bicep encouragingly.

He nodded 'Me too' his voice was deep and husky.

Hermione gently leaned in and kissed his warm lips. They pulled apart and took shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain himself anymore, Severus held her head in his hands and pulled her into a fiery and passionate kiss that she reciprocated with equally burning desire. Her hands worked their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line.

Slowly as they explored each other's mouth, she laid on her back and pulled him on her. He matched her body's form and his hands ventured over her curved body, exploring. After a considerable amount of time, were they got lost into the fiery sensations of their bodies, they finally pulled apart and opened their eyes.

They stared at each other breathlessly. Severus's eyes were full of wonder and lust, Hermione's full of love and passion. No words were spoken as he leaned down and kissed her neck gently. She let out little whimpers of anticipation when his teeth bit down on her soft skin and sucked deeply. Waves of physical response came from her body and she arched up to him as he explored her mouth again.

He didn't break the kiss in order to cup her breasts above the clothing. Her nipples tensed and hardened as a needful wave swept through her inner muscles.

'Yes' she exhaled and her head rolled back on his hand in abandonment.

He broke the long awaited kiss and looked at her with pupils dilated with passion 'Yes, indeed' he whispered and pushed her legs open with his thigh. Exactly like he had done in his rooms when he send her away, only this time he didn't intend to stop.

'Severus, we are exposed out here…' she murmured not really caring if half the school was looking at them right now. She didn't want to break contact with his warm skin and his wet kisses. Nor did she want to loose his long gentle fingers that were taunting her nipples under her blouse.

'I don't care' he whispered and uncovered her breasts. The wiggle of her soft skin as he released them from the bra woke up his animal instincts and he took them into his mouth with a satisfied groan that echoed in her womb. She arched her body in pleasure and tried to gain more contact with his body. Her fingers pulled on his hair and she revealed her teeth with a guttural hiss that made him moan over her. Her legs opened up to accommodate him.

'I want to fuck you right here in front of the lake' he spoke on her hard nipple making her shudder in pleasure.

Her leg wrapped around his hips and he pushed the skirt up to her stomach. His fingers that were kneading her hot skin around her lower belly and his teeth on her nipples were making her loose control fast. She didn't care for any foreplays. Their whole relationship up till now had been one huge foreplay. She wanted him to fill her up to the brink and make her dissolve under him. She wanted to become one with him. She closed her eyes and swore never to open them up again until he pushed her over the edge and her fingers began pulling and pushing ruthlessly at his shirt. When she managed to pull it down one of his shoulders, she brought her hands down and opened up his belt almost angrily 'Please-do-it!' she hissed upon his lips. Her fingers unzipped him and slithered under his underwear to find him hot and firm. When her palm wrapped around his length he groaned deeply and sucked on her neck, showing her his appreciation.

'I am sick of all the foreplays, I want you…now' she whispered in his ear and bit his earlobe.

Her hand took firm hold of his hardness and massaged it steadily. The world faded out and he lost all control. His mouth ravaged her chest, arms, stomach and his hands kneaded her breasts and her thighs. He pulled roughly on her underwear and it tore under the pressure. She moaned in response and pulled him down. She didn't care if they were still fully clothed, she only wanted to feel him inside her, but his fingers entered her instead. One, then two…she threw her head back and groaned in pleasure as his thumb started caressing her nub.

Her mind became fuzzy and her thoughts swam in a cloud of lust and need. She was biting her lips and was moaning hard under him, not knowing if he was going to deliver on his promise, and not minding if he didn't. She was getting so much pleasure out of him at that moment that she didn't want to care about anything else.

Her legs opened up wide for him and she frowned almost in anger when his fingers slipped out of her. She almost opened up her eyes in order to chastise him, when she gratefully felt his considerable length and breadth opening her up and filling her slowly. The breathy moan that escaped her was part pleasure, part completion as her inner muscles almost released from his penetration.

 _Sweet Nimue…!_ her mind stuttered and her arms grabbed him for life.

'Severus' she murmured breathless. She was twitching needfully around him.

'Don't be so tense' He allowed a few moments to get used to the tight feeling of her around him and then pulled out.

She threw her head back in despair 'Please' she didn't even know what she was begging him for.

'Patience...' he whispered on her ear and began thrusting in her slowly. She squeezed her eyes tight and breathed sharply on his neck as his lazy and careful rhythm made her relax under him. Her fingers took tight hold of his shirt 'Faster, please…' she begged.

He kissed her passionately and his hand mauled her hip as he ground his hips on her pelvis deeply. She felt her body winding up quickly and she didn't want to loose any moment of this magic. Her legs opened up wider and she took tight hold of his back with her forearms. Her forehead butted on his cheek and her breath became very laboured as she approached her own undoing.

As if feeling her body tensing he responded by thrusting faster and deeper, listening to her intense moans echo down his spine. Her arms tightened painfully around him and her breaths became sharp whips as she broke apart into a hundred pieces under him. Her hips jerked and her nails dragged bloody trails in his shoulder blade as her inner muscles exploded in a huge climax that send her careening towards oblivion.

He took hold firm hold of her as shudders of physical reactions shook her uncontrollably. His jawline tightened and he growled into her mouth 'Say my name' as she unrolled under him in ultimate pleasure.

She whispered his name repeatedly, eating his mouth hungrily, wanting to satisfy his every need, as much as he had done with hers. Her abandonment and the way his name rolled of her lips in between her throaty moans was enough to make him lose every restraint. He leaned his forehead to hers and took hold of her hips as he slammed into her with everything he had. Soon enough the skies broke apart for him the moment she spoke into his mind with a clarity that took his breath away.

Y _ou-are-mine-too…_ she said to him and he frowned as he rocked breathlessly above her. He tried to pull back, he tried to stop her intrusion, but it was too late. She was inside his mind and he felt every inch of her enveloping him hotly. His frown melted away quickly and he closed his eyes tight.

'Oh Gods ' he groaned and the pleasure fell on him like derailed freight train. He sucked on her neck greedily and cupped her breast too demandingly as he got lost in an explosive climax that took his breath away.

She kept tight hold of him as he slowly began coming down from the heavens, not ever wanting to let him go. The fear of almost losing him made her grab onto him like a barnacle. As if her life depended on not letting him out of her arms. Thankfully he didn't make any attempts to pull away and they remained locked upon each other, still fully dressed, with her skirt up to her stomach and with his pants down to his thighs. With him still buried inside her trying to calm down their convulsing, but sated bodies in front of the lake for a long time.

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A/N: I suppose you think that everything is solved don't you? ...think again...nothing is solved yet ;)

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	32. Chapter 32

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After a long time were only their battling breaths could be heard as they slowly calmed down from the explosion they triggered in each other, he spoke quietly close to her ear 'Fucking hell, Hermione what _was_ that?'

' _Which_ part do you mean?' a lustful shudder run through her back and she smiled. Her fingers run all the way down his spine.

He inhaled calmly 'I am talking about your intrusion in my mind'

'I spoke to you, that's all'

'That was some impressive work of Legilimency' he pulled back and offered her a small critical frown.

'It was my first try at it, mind you' she smiled at him smugly.

'Did you use the spell?' he asked and cleared some hair that was sticking on her red sweaty cheek.

'No, I just concentrated hard on you, which was not difficult considering you were all over me and I spoke' she smiled at him sweetly and caressed his forehead.

He offered her a proud smile that made her heart melt 'Taking into consideration how difficult my Occlumency shields are to penetrate I must admit that you did an impressive work'

'Maybe your shields were down?' she asked without wanting to downplay her abilities, but not wanting to sound too smug either.

 _Maybe…_

He didn't want to believe that he unwillingly brought down his shields during their love making. He had never lowered them all these years 'I don't think I did. You are an amazing young woman'

She pulled him down and gave him a soft kiss, which he reciprocated carefully, making her body warm up again from ground zero, slowly.

'You feel ok?' he asked when they pulled away.

'I am boneless, breathless…' she caressed his temples 'Thank you'

'About what? I didn't do you any favours' he nudged her playfully.

She nuzzled her nose between his shoulder line and neck, enjoying his musky scent 'Thank you for _opening_ up for me'

He planted a soft kiss on the side of her head 'No, thank you' he replied quietly.

'About what?'

'About saving my life, so many times' he closed his eyes, feeling all the unspoken emotions bottled up inside to the point of suffocation.

'It was my pleasure' she kissed his neck and then in an afterthought she gave him a small nibble 'Does your heart feel ok?'

She felt his chest convulsing and soon enough she heard the laughter. She pulled back and looked at him with an inquisitive frown 'Why are you laughing?'

'Did you think I was going to collapse with another heart attack after this?' he asked with a wide smile that made him look years younger.

She nodded and flicked her shoulders.

'If I preformed the way I did and I am still breathing, then I am very well, thank you'

'Back there? I didn't mean to scare you. I saw you when I came out of the forest. I slept at Hagrid's last night and I was on my way back to the castle. I always seem to startle you and I don't think it is my bad timing doing it. Am I right?'

He rolled on his back and drew her with him possessively 'No, it's not your bad timing…'

'Why does this keep happening? What's wrong?'

He caressed her back soothingly 'Don't burden yourself with things that weigh too heavy for your youth'

She kissed the top of his chest 'The world has been evil with you, hasn't it?'

'I've been evil with it too. You fought bravely during the war. You saved your friends and offered them shelter where no shelter was to be found. You saw evil rise and fall. You grew older through severe hardships and that is so admirable...' he caressed her hair and scanned her face. A soft smile appeared on his lips 'Yes, so admirable, yet…' he couldn't find the proper words to express himself.

'Yet?' she frowned.

'Luckily, you haven't felt the evil that once saturated my skin. This kind of evil, once inside you, tends to linger. It never lets you have any peace of mind'

She run her fingers softly through his long hair 'It lingers?'

A thoughtful smile darkened his features 'The good that men do is often interred with their bones, but the evil that men do...' he trailed off, waiting for her to catch up.

She didn't disappoint '...lives on and on...Shakespeare again'

He nodded silently.

'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing' she said pointedly, wanting in some manner turn his dark mood around.

'Thank Merlin, the good men and _women of the_ wizarding world didn't remain idle against this evil, then' he rebuked.

'Don't try to slip out of this Professor. I meant you' her finger run down his arm making him shiver in pleasure.

'What I did during this war had nothing to do with the kindness of my heart, and when I spoke about the evil continuing to live on, I didn't mean Voldemort' the smile faded away from his lips, making her heart sad.

'Whom did you mean?' she asked.

'Me' the taciturn answer.

'Your evil? Which is evil is that? You sacrificed yourself to save us' she felt anger towards the blindfolds he had placed over his eyes.

He looked towards the pale sky. Tomorrow it was going to rain heavily and a feeling of foreboding covered him 'The good I did will finally be forgotten. It will be buried with me and people shall not remember. The evil that I did, shall remain forever'

She closed her eyes and snuggled against his armpit not wanting to speak anymore. He kissed her head and she nodded, understanding how difficult all this was for him. He was speaking of the very reasons he was so tense all the time. He was living in perpetual hell and she was unable to do anything to help him out of it. She felt powerless and angry at herself. They remained like that, silently caressing each other, settling down their thoughts. Hermione cooling off her anger and Severus trying not to be drawn into the dark thoughts that run amok in his mind. It was difficult to do so, despite the fact they were holding each other soothingly after a passionate love making that took his breath away. The darkness not only lingered, but Hermione's presence added abundant fear into it and he didn't know why.

'Severus, you do believe what I told you before, right?' she asked as if feeling his hesitation.

He caressed her hair softly 'About what?'

'About being yours. After everything that's happened between us, I don't want any other man' she said carefully.

 _Hermione…I..._

'After the way I responded to you, I think that…I...believe you' he tried hard to speak steadily, not to stumble in each word, but it was impossible.

'You don't sound certain' she frowned.

'Hermione understand me, please. I was not raised in an ordinary family. I had a difficult and demanding life that I never thought I would share with anyone. With whatever freedom all this allows me, I swear that I believe you' he felt exposed and uncertain to the bone.

'Severus you are not the easiest man to approach, you have a tendency to scare people off' she said quietly.

'Old habits die hard and some shouldn't die at all as they are necessary for my survival' he replied.

'Is it necessary for you to push people away?' she caressed his jawline thoughtfully.

After a brief hesitation he nodded half heartedly 'Yes, I don't think I am ready to have people in my life Hermione' he quirked his lips, angry at his words towards this loving woman. Nevertheless their intimacy was scaring him more, for reasons he was not sure he wanted to share with her. It was unfair. Their whole situation had been unfair since the start on all fronts.

Her eyes lowered and her heart tightened in fear 'Do you also include me in these words?' she tried.

'I mean everybody. Hermione, things are complicated' he swallowed hard.

She frowned 'That was the last sentence I wanted to hear at this moment' she felt her stomach dropping.

'You have to listen. My life is complicated. I cannot include other people in it' he didn't want to speak those words, but he knew that he had to. Being honest with her was the most noble thing he could do.

She pushed back from him 'Why?' her eyes gazed at him with a heaviness that was difficult to overlook.

He leaned on his elbow and cupped her hand warmly 'Distance yourself from the facts and you may see my grim reality. What kind of life do I have?' he asked taking courage by her presence in order to reveal his innermost thoughts. .

She shook her head silently. Her eyes lost their glow and became sullen.

He shook his head 'I have no life. I am pursued by the whole world. I don't have a job, I don't have a home and I don't have any kind of privacy. Who would willingly share this hell with me? I don't even have any roots. I have nothing to offer you…' he staggered in delivering those painful words. He knew that after this there would be no return. He was pushing her away.

'No, it doesn't have to _be_ like that, we can change all this, together' she pulled her hand free and cupped his fervently. Her heart was palpitating.

'Change a situation that had been ongoing for so many years? You are such a positive spirit and I envy that on you, but you are far from being realistic' he shook his head disheartened.

'I am here, I can help you! I will do anything for you!' she spat on him loving words with a flare bordering to desperation.

'You cannot fight my demons for me' he looked at her solemnly and his brow creased deeply.

She shook her head and looked away to keep him from seeing her eyes welling up with tears 'I cannot, you are right, but I can be there for you Severus when you fight them. You don't have to do this alone. I want to be by your side!' she tightened her grasp upon his hand. Wanting him to understand her.

'What about you, young lady? Are you going to quit your job and home to run off with a wanted man? I cannot offer you anything more than my company. I don't have anything more to give you' he looked at her eyes with deep sadness and felt his own eyes stinging.

Tears slowly run down her cheek 'I don't want anything more than that!'

His fingers wiped her face away gently 'You are so young, so full of life, so different from me. Your bright life force was what attracted me to you in the first place. I feel drained, buried deep under a heap of unsolved issues. I cannot drag you into my nightmare. That is so unfair to you, don't you see? You are just a step away from having a family of your own. You probably aim for children in the future, which I find natural, but you don't seem to understand that I can offer you neither a family, nor children. I cannot offer you a home, for I have none, security, for the world has stolen it from me. I cannot offer you anything more than my embrace and what I have in my heart for you. That may seem like the world to you now, but in the future it won't be enough. It will hardly be enough…and then everything will fall apart' he shook his head, disheartened by his own words.

She was trying hard to stop herself from sobbing out loud. Her nails were digging into the skin of his bicep above his shirt 'Is Lily Evans still one of your unsolved issues?' she asked tensely, having not heard the reasons he was giving her. Her mind was already entangled in her own nightmares.

His eyes got lost into hers. He saw their beautiful brown colour, warm and inviting. He looked at the tears that run down the side of her nose. Then he saw the shadow of the mongoose run down the exit of the Astronomy tower and he felt his heart elating timidly at the prospect of being free from one of his demons at least. The worst of them all.

'I know you won't believe me, but no she is not' he replied calmly and returned his gaze on her after a few thoughtful moments.

She sprang forth and grabbed hold of his arms with a might that surprised him 'Then what is this all about?! I am so sorry for my thoughtless words last night. Please, don't punish me like this!' she hissed on his face.

He frowned 'How can you think that this is a punishment?' his mouth dropped open, unbelieving.

She wiped her tears away angrily 'One moment you are taking my breath away and the next you are pushing me away…what do you want me to think?'

'For the love of God's, _you_ are the only one I am thinking about girl! I am thinking of your best interest!' he hurled at her, unable to keep his emotions hidden any longer.

'Let _me_ decide what's best for me, why don't you?!' she exclaimed and slapped him hard on the shoulder angrily.

'Can I do that? Another life lost by my hand. I should have never claimed you. Never, but...' he stopped and covered his face.

'But you cannot help it, right?' she asked.

He nodded in abandonment.

'Albeit the controversies of our situation, you feel for me, don't you?' her voice shook.

'In the bleak face of a future I don't have, my feelings don't matter' he replied heavily.

'Has it ever occurred to your brilliant mind that I feel the same way for you? Unsaid as it is, this emotion is ruling both of us. How can you expect me to go back to Mark after what we have been through? I cannot' she spoke softly and approached him inch by inch feeling her breath becoming heavier 'I won't…'

'I am sorry, I cannot drag you into my hell' he whispered and turned his face away from her in embarrassment.

She gazed at him thoroughly and her brow darkened. Her palm cupped his chin and pulled him to her 'So what's the verdict your honour?'

'I don't know' his heart was torn apart by how unfairly he was treating her.

She swallowed heavily 'Are you showing me the exit?'. She felt a cold hand squeezing all the air out of her lungs.

He looked into her pained eyes. Her cheeks were flustered, her brows knitted in disapproval. Her breath sharp and her eyes filled with tears. She was so close to him and yet he was ready to push her so far away with his dubious actions. He couldn't have done things worse than this. He made love to her and the decided to push her away. He had acted quickly on the spur of the moment, letting his strong feelings take over his body, and now she was getting hurt by him. He had two choices. Ask her to forgive him and claim her again. This time never turning back and dragging her to his hell. Or show her the exit once and for all, making sure that he hurt her bad enough to keep away forever.

 _How much lower can you fall? Making love to the woman you adore and then sending her away the next moment. Way to go Severus. You are so chivalrous. You are repeating your history with Lily in the worst way possible._

He tried to clear his dry throat and reached up to her biceps. His fingers wrapped around them and drew her closer as he took heart 'Hermione, I intend to leave Hogwarts. I am off to destinations unknown, and I will be hunted by the reporters and by the Ministry alike. How willing are you to leave your job and your home in order to follow me? How willing are you to take such a daring step, knowing that I cannot offer anything in return?' he said firmly. He not only had to tell her the blunt truth, but pass it down to her raw and unprocessed.

She shook her head 'You are not sending me away. You are _running_ away from me' she whispered and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She leaned her head close to his neck and her lips kissed his skin softly.

'You deserve a life I cannot offer!' he spat with a jawline that was so tight, it felt painful.

'Give me a chance to decide for myself' her nails run down his shoulder line slowly and he tensed.

'Hermione, please' he whispered and his fingers wrapped into her hair and pulled them softly. It was the first time since forever that he was pleading someone.

'I don't want anymore of your denial. You are hurting my heart. I don't want the pain you offering' her lips sucked on his skin hungrily.

He stirred hot against her touch and he felt angry at being unable to stop these reactions 'What do you want then? The nightmarish life I am offering?' he whispered, feeling tackled down by her wet tongue and her soft lips.

'Right now?' she asked.

He opened his eyes and looked at her already knowing that he was loosing this game. She opened up her shirt and revealed her breasts. His eyes saw the small hickey his hungry mouth left there on their previous encounter and he swallowed heavily. He throat went dry 'Right now all I want is you…' she said firmly.

'Hermione…?' he questioned, not knowing were they stood, not knowing how he felt, not able to handle his fears and not willing to stop his hands from cupping her breasts and feeling the hard nipples rubbing on his palms.

'Make love to me...' she said and leaned over to take him in a slow and sensual kiss that made his stomach twist in hot pleasure.

He pulled her on him and she straddle him eagerly 'Make love to you, and then what, feed you on that love? We cannot live like this…' he whispered, but his mouth betrayed him and began giving her soft kisses on the neck and chest, as his hands caressed her breasts with a gentleness that made her melt inside.

'Just give me a chance. Give us a chance' she murmured softly and her nails clipped his back forcefully when his tongue ran over her nipple. His hardness was pressing at the side of her entrance. He felt horny, confused, fearful and so in love that he was suffocating.

 _You love her so much, it is difficult to resist her…_

Above all though, as his hand brought himself on her dripping channel, he felt afraid of a future he was unable to offer her. He wanted to send her away and at the same moment have her in the dirtiest ways possible. He wanted to thrust into her all his frustrations, knowing that all this was a futile lie that couldn't but end in the worst way for both of them. Her open and willing, youthful body moving sensually above him though was too precious to deny. He was starving for love and she was giving it to him plentiful. Back there he tried to send her away, but as her hands opened up his shirt and scratched his side till he released a guttural moan of satisfaction into her mouth, he slowly began to forget the need to face reality.

'Severus let go. Don't think…not now' she whispered and her wetness spread all around his upper thighs.

His long fingers pinched her nipple and his tongue demanded entrance to her mouth 'I desperately need you inside me' she exhaled as he explored her mouth, with tongue, teeth and lips.

'Gods woman' he groaned as she slammed shamelessly on him and her inner muscles tightened around him.

'Fucking hell' she hissed and threw her head on his shoulder.

He pushed her head back and began eating up her neck when she began rocking with all the passion and energy of her youth. He felt the friction between them the sweetest thing of life. Soft exhalations of breathy moans came from her chest each time she rocked above him and he relished each one of them as if they were the very oxygen that fed his lungs. Her fingers unclasped his shoulder blades and cupped her own breasts.

He closed his eyes and got lost as she rocked them up to heaven steadily. They made silent, but hard loving in front of the school lake. The only thing heard was his strained breathing and her deep moans that kept getting louder as her pace picked up. The only thing visible was their shadowy united bodies in their wild coupling. With their clothes hanging off their bodies they were mating like no tomorrow. He let her lead the game towards her completion, but the moment he felt her inner muscles tightening around him he thrust deep into her, wanting to see her come undone for him once again.

She threw her head into the hollow of his neck and groaned 'Yes…'

He cupped her cheek and pulled her head up to him 'Ride me till you come apart...' he moaned on her mouth in abandonment. He was unable to keep his control on her, on all this between them. He let go his iron grip on all his restraints, knowing that it was too late to turn back now.

She locked her fingers with his hair and pulled him tight to her. Her lips crushed his with blind passion, bruising him, tasting him savagely. Her body expanded snuggly around him and he twitched in agony under her as his thrusting became almost desperate. He was so close to the edge that he was in pain.

He sucked her lips and tongue greedily, wanting to eat her alive. His hands tightened firmly around her hips. His teeth got buried into the soft skin between her neck and her shoulder. She whimpered incomprehensibly and finally her inner muscles gave up under his steady assault and tightened around him in response. He almost cried with relief when he felt her orgasm pulsating hotly around him. Her moans came from deep within her chest and he cupped the back of her head and kept her securely on him as her body jerked and twitched uncontrollably 'Severus…' she groaned.

The painful pleasure he felt from her milking was nothing compared to the series of sharp moans she released into the night when another orgasm hit her very close to the first. His eyes opened wide and looked at her mesmerised as she climaxed all around him again. Just the image of her unravelling in pure pleasure was enough to trigger him and he came undone with her. He buried his face into her hair and inhaled her scents, thirsty to take in everything that she was giving him at that moment. It took them a long time to begin settling down from the heavens, cradling each other as their bodies slowly calmed down.

After a long quiet time he was the first one to speak 'You are going to be the death of me. I am not young anymore' he whispered softly in her ear, making her hair stand on end.

'Professor you have some amazing hidden talents' she offered him a gentle kiss on his chin.

He huffed and pressed her tightly in his arms 'Dawn is going to break soon and Hagrid will be starting his rounds. What should we do?' he said when he opened his eyes and saw the pale skies illuminating the area amply around them. This time he hadn't used any displacement spells.

'We go to bed' she replied feeling sated and calm.

He nodded and carefully helped her up. They silently dressed each other and he took her hand leading her through dark and safe pathways that only he and Albus knew about. Soon enough they were inside his apartments. Snuggling under his heavy covers she was the first one to go out like a candle blown by the wind. His eyes closed much later, after a long time of internal debates, that gave him a disturbed sleep overpowered by a dreadful nightmare. It was the same nightmare that woke him up several hours later, drenched in sweat, his face livid and his hands shaking out of control. He gazed at her with apprehension and pushed the covers off his body as he stumbled into the bathroom blind from terror.

****…****

****…****

When Hermione opened her eyes the only source of light was coming from the small crack of the bathroom door. Something was wrong with this picture of the morning after with the man she loved. There was sound of running water, and the bed was empty next to her. She rubbed her face and leaned on her elbow trying to see through the crack 'Severus?' she whispered. Her voice drew abnormally into the darkness of the room and she shuddered. Everything looked empty and desolate.

Apparently he heard her voice though, because the crack opened up completely and his tall dark shadow appeared in front of it. Instead of answering to her worried voice, or approaching their bed, he stood still like a statue. She winced and tried to discern his dark features.

'What are you doing?' her voice was coarse, and her throat felt abused by her rough groans of pleasure a few hours ago.

'I couldn't sleep' he moved into the room and threw his towel on the couch 'I am sorry I woke you up'

'I don't mind. Are you feeling ok?' she came onto a sitting position and pulled the covers around her naked body. For some reason she felt too exposed and she didn't know why...

 _Something is wrong..._ her mind tried to wake her up. It tried to warn her that something was seriously misplaced here.

'Relatively well' he coughed 'Thank you' he began dressing up with well calculated moves.

His voice was too cold and measured. It reminded her nothing of the passionate man she experienced by the lake not long ago. This resembled the old Professor Snape so much, but that couldn't be…he couldn't speak to her so coldly the morning after. Not after she confessed her love for him, not after he admitted his own feelings for her. Maybe they hadn't used the word love, but they meant it.

'What's the matter darling? You don't sound all that well' she decided to approach him carefully. She got out of bed and pulled the covers after her. She took several experimental steps towards him.

'I am a bit exhausted' he fastened his belt.

When she reached him and saw that he kept his eyes meticulously away from her, she reached out and touched his shoulder 'Is your heart feeling ok?' she felt deeply concerned for him and seriously apprehensive about his cold manners. This was not like the Severus she came to know these last few months.

'I am fine' he finishing with buttoning up his shirt and looked at her for the first time since she woke up. His eyes didn't linger on her though. He gazed back at the table were his medication was. She peeked above his shoulder and frowned at it.

 _Wait a moment, what is this all about?..._

'Why are you checking on your medication?' she asked and watered her lips. She didn't want to pussyfoot around the problem now. The original apprehension was blowing up into a full blown panic quickly. This attitude, this conversation was not what she was expecting from their morning after. Not from the man that she loved and was ready to devote her life to.

He looked at it 'I am checking on my two last doses. After I take them, I am finished. With everything' he said with a voice that sounded too cold for her tastes.

'What do you mean with everything?' she pulled the covers closer to her shivering body.

He avoided her eyes again by walking at his desk.

'Severus I _am_ talking to you' she sat at the arm of the couch and observing him closely.

D _on't be such an asshole!..._ her mind cried. She wanted to yell it at his face, but something told her that it wouldn't be of much use.

He drank the dose quickly and placed the bottle on the table carefully 'The taste is still awfully foul. Impossible to get used to it' he whispered.

She drew in her lips and inhaled, trying to keep her patience 'Severus please. I am barely awake from the deep slumber which your love making put me in and I come face to face with this typical nonsense? Honour me with some honesty! What the hell are you doing out of bed getting dressed at this hour, and why are you talking to me so coldly?' she tried very hard to keep calm towards him, which was difficult as the possibilities from this turn of the events was making her head hurt.

He leaned at the table behind him and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He still avoided eye contact and that made her blood grow terribly cold. She wanted to bury herself in his arms. She wanted to declare her love for him. To tell him that she was ready to go to Mark and end it all. She was in a hurry to pick up her things, go to Minerva and give out her resignation, and then ask him to take her away from all of them. How could she do that now, seeing his closed body posture and his inexpressive voice?

He drew some hair away from his face and winced 'I am leaving Hermione' he said quietly. His eyes were looking at some vague point on the floor.

On those words her heart stopped and the world froze around as she tried to understand what he was telling her.

'Leaving?' she asked, not certain she heard him correctly. The need to lash out to him was strong. The only thing that kept her from acting it, was that he looked ready to flee in the slightest cause.

He raised his head and looked at her with great difficulty 'Yes'

She shook her head 'Where are you going?' she whispered breathless, feeling her brows knitting heavily.

He looked at his dragon hide boots and didn't reply for several tense moments. Just when she was ready to slap him into action, he spoke 'I told you yesterday that I was with one foot out of the deal'

'Wait a fucking moment!' she cried unable to hold herself anymore. He looked at her with a reservation that made her cringe. He must know how badly he was fucking her up at that moment. She wanted to smack him right in the face and tell him to snap out of whatever hell had overtaken him during his sleep 'Yesterday we _said_ a lot of things and _did_ many more. I asked you to give us a chance' she took a couple of inquisitive steps towards him.

His lips quirked unsteadily 'I decided to pass on the offer' he replied. Maybe it was his calculated choice of words that jittered her nerves to the point of an explosion. She backed away and looked at him in disbelief.

'You decided to pass on the offer? What do you think this is? A 50% off, a clothing bargain?' she asked becoming enraged.

'I knew you might get angry about this. I explained everything to you already. There is no way this can work between us. I have nothing to offer to you Hermione. Nothing' his gaze slowly turned firm from indecisive and that scared her even more.

'So your decision was to fuck me and then leave whilst I slept? This is out of place Severus. This is bloody _low'_ she hissed.

'Maybe it is just easier for both of us. I decided to end us yesterday, but you didn't want to listen. As for making love to you…' he pursed his lips. She raised her brow critically 'I tried to resist your charms for many months. At the end of the day I am a man, not a saint' he frowned deeply.

 _What?!_

'You are _far_ from being a saint!' she felt the adrenaline rushing through her body in hot waves.

'That is probably the most truthful thing you have said about me' he replied.

'And the easiest! Easier being the bastard right Professor? Must be too hard to stay and fight for what you love' she trailed off and the smile that appeared on her lips tasted bitter. Her eyes watered.

'I've been telling you not to romanticise me since the start' he warned.

She approached him with steady angry steps that made him draw back 'What the HELL are you doing to me? To us!?' she pointing her finger at him menacingly.

'I am saving us' he whispered.

'HOW? By acting like a complete asshole at…' she looked around at the clock 'five in the morning, after touching me so passionately last night?!'

'By getting out of your life before you destroy it, and by finding mine' he replied quietly. Her wrath was apparently not touching him in the least.

'So our lives cannot be joint, is that what you are telling me?' she looked at him searchingly. She felt weak, foolish and in pain.

'No they cannot, I am sorry' he replied firmly and looked at his boots again.

'So you decided to tell me all this after making love to me and not before' she nodded feeling in despair by his continuous dismissal.

His eyes flickered closed 'I am sorry' he replied.

She watered her lips and quickly wiped away a tear that ran down the side of her nose 'Yesterday I told you I was yours, what didn't you understand about my words?' she asked.

'Everything, that's the problem' he bit both lips.

More tears ran down and she found it impossible to stop them 'I love you Severus. I am ready to find Mark and end everything for you. I want to go to Minerva and give her my resignation' she tried to stop herself from sobbing out loud, as her words made her realise the depth of her feelings for him and how unresponsive he was to them.

'I caught you right on time then' he raising his brow to her slowly.

She felt her soul backing away from him so quickly that it made her legs buckle. She took a couple of stumbling steps backwards 'Does all this between us mean anything to you?' she asked breathless 'Yesterday you showed me that it did. How can I have judged you so wrong?' she whispered. He was hurting her deeper than anyone else had ever done.

'I tried to tell you not to make a hero out of me. I tried to tell you that this between us can never work. You didn't listen' he said with a wavering voice.

'I am ready to give up everything for you! Why cannot it work?!' she exclaimed her face full of tears.

His lips twitched for several silent moments where she could only hear the drumming of her desolate heart in her ears 'Because I am not ready to give up everything for you' he spoke with the same calculating tone of voice that broke her apart so efficiently.

'Bloody hell Severus, you are such a bastard' she spat as his words clawed her heart to long bloody strips.

'And then some' he added with a small smug smile that felt so out of place, so staged.

'I don't know which vice thrives on you the most. Your egotism or your hypocrisy? I spoke to you when you were comatose!' she felt her tears running down her throat.

'I heard you' he replied.

'I brought you back from death's door!' she sobbed and backed slowly away from him.

'And I thank you'

'I _came_ to you!'

'I saw it'

'I kissed you' she licked her own salty tears.

'I felt you'

'I offered myself to you, both in heart and body' she had to keep herself from kneeling in front of him. Not to beg, she was simply unable to keep upright anymore. His words felt like two iron hands pulling her down through the floor.

'Hermione, I cannot offer what you are asking out of me' he looked visibly moved by her meltdown, but made no move to come closer.

She wrapped her arms around her chest protectively 'I _never_ asked for anything more than what you already have' she whispered.

'I cannot even offer you that, for I know not who I am' he replied.

She paused and looked at him. She raised a palm and tried to wipe her face clean. She hated looking defeated in front of him 'You were going to sneak out while I slept, didn't you?' she asked.

He nodded 'Yes'

'I ruined your plans' she huffed bitterly.

'I intended a silent exit' he looked towards his boots.

'Your shoes are safer than my eyes. You are running out the back door, as you always did' she muttered. She needed to attack him. She wanted to balance out this attack towards her and make him feel bow in pain.

He quirked his lips 'Yes'

'Like the coward that you really are. I wonder how you got us all convinced that you were such a brave man during the war' she growled at him with a crazy glee of hatred sparkling in her eyes.

'You did all the work yourselves. That was never my intention' he flicked his shoulders.

'All the while you acted so nobly, you did so to gain a love that would never be yours. Tainted heart, poor old Severus!' she laughed and cried at the same time not knowing where sanity was.

'I suppose so…' he spoke quietly, barely heard. She could see his eyes sparkling behind his cold exterior, but she couldn't break through to him.

'Poor Harry values you so much. He thinks you are his father!' she tried harder to slain him with words.

'What?' his brow became several tones darker.

Her eyes sparkled in this small victory towards his cold facade. Those words caught his attention alright 'Harry, Harry Potter? The boy who lived? The boy you protected? He thinks that you are his real father' she laughed wildly and tightened the sheets around her body wanting to be protected in some manner.

He unwrapped his arms from his chest and moved a couple of steps towards her 'How can he think so low about his mother?' he was apparently shaken by the newest revelation.

'He was misled like the rest of us, by your impeccable attitude during the war, you fucking asshole!' she spat and he cringed away from her obvious hatred 'He thinks you are a hero and not the coward you really are. He loved his mother so much, that he overvalued your memories. It was not difficult for him to think that she had an illicit relationship with you, that produced him. Harry is a romantic soul. He fell for your tricks, which are so far away from reality' she spat with hatred. Not really knowing what she was telling him at that point. Only wanting to hurt him bad in some manner. To see him cry at her feet.

He gazed at her visibly angry then. She looked up at his set face and at his long black hair that hid part of his dark features. Tall and commanding as ever, his presence gave her slight pause 'Its one thing to think low of me young lady, and another to stain the memory of the dead, or the sanity of your best friend' he warned.

She felt the knife of that sentence burying deep in her chest 'You gave me plenty of reasons to do so, Professor'

'Keep your claws off Lily…' he paused and raised his brow '…as for Harry…'

She didn't let him finish 'I'll leave Harry alone, but not _her'_

He raised his brow and waited for the next blow, apparently well collected once more. How she hated his ability to control his emotions so efficiently.

'That woman is the whole problem! Your abhorring manners towards me this morning have nothing to do with your inability to provide me with a proper life. Everything is because of her…because of Lily' she was observing him closely, feeling her tears slowly drying up. She wanted to see him vulnerable enough in order to strike, but she was the one exposing her heart more than his in reality.

His brow flicked testily and he inhaled.

She approached quickly and pointed a finger at his face rudely 'You always belonged to her, didn't you? Always!' she felt her eyes getting blurry again and she shook her head to get rid of the boiling emotions that needed release again.

'Hermione...' his voice broke quite clearly then, but she barely heard it.

She shook her head in disregard 'You were _never_ mine. You kept asking me if I was _yours,_ when all the while you...you were never mine' she felt her voice losing it's ardour in defeat. As if his steadfast resistance was blowing out the fight in her bit by bit.

He swallowed hard and gazed at her steadily. Silent, motionless moments passed them by with nightmarish slowness. She felt her nerves fraying at the edges. Just as she was ready to lash out to him in order to get some human response, he spoke, to her undoing.

'No'

Her soul sank into a lake of warm mud and she took a step back 'You still belong to _her..._ ' she muttered, barely able to hear her own voice.

He observed her in silent vigil. Unmoving, immovable.

The pain in her heart felt too sharp and her body reacted violently towards this ruthless emotional attack towards her. She lashed out and slapped him full across the face with all the power that she had in her 'FUCK YOU!' she cried and run towards the door. Without thinking that she was wearing only his covers she stormed out to the corridor and crashed his door behind her, intending to break it, but failing.

She looked around her feeling panicky and the idea of running away from Hogwarts briefly played in her mind. She wanted to run away from the man that hurt her most than anyone else in her life. Instead of running free though, she turned towards her apartments, needing in some manner to get back at Severus. She muttered a dressing spell and opened the door quietly. All she wanted to do now was go and bury herself under the covers, needing to draw some comfort from Mark. She needed to heal the wounds that Severus inflicted, but she was not thinking straight at all. She didn't understand that under the current circumstances approaching Mark would be a grave mistake that would toss the coin for all of them towards an even more violent direction.

Her footsteps were almost silent as she approached their bed, but when she lifted up the covers her blood froze. His eyes opened up deliberately slow and he gazed at her coldly.

'Where the hell have you been?' his voice scared her.

'Mark…' she kept holding the covers up, frozen, not knowing what to say.

He offered her a look of disgust and sprang out of the bed with an agility that didn't go hand in hand with someone that was a asleep a few moments ago. His fingers wrapped around her upper arm almost painfully. She tried to jerk away from him, but he kept firm hold 'We are leaving…now!' his tone didn't leave space for any debate whatsoever.

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	33. Chapter 33

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Severus felt his head throbbing and his heart in more distress than it had been in years. The physical pain he sustained all those years, seemed obsolete compared to the emotional suffocation he was under now as he was walking towards the entrance of the castle.

Last night he woke up at the break of dawn, all sweaty and in near panic from a terrifying nightmare. In his sleep he saw an old bitter woman, a face carved with bad years that had seen few happy days. She was bearing a sad resemblance to his beautiful Hermione that slept on the bed beside him.

It was her, having grown old next to him. She had become despondent and filled with hatred towards life. Having no children or a family, she was cursed to carry his sad cross. Sharing his demons in a life that ended up empty and desolate. She laid her bony hand on his forearm and he felt her rough overused skin scratching him to the point of disgust. She whispered in his ear with lips that had seen too many years but had broken too few smiles 'Y _ou_ destroyed me! You and your doe destroyed my life!'

He jerked up from his sleep gasping for air at the eery realism of this nightmare. He grabbed the sheets for support and then in an afterthought he pushed them away from him. The need to flee was overwhelming. He tried to calm his galloping heart and the rivulets of sweat that run between his shoulder blades.

He turned his head to her in apprehension and with a mixture of relief and sadness saw the young unspoiled Hermione sleeping peacefully behind him. He remembered the love they made the previous evening repeatedly. He was more than hesitant to let go of all those precious moments of emotional elation. She was ready to follow him anywhere he chose. She told him so yesterday.

The little awkward girl with the bushy hair and the crooked teeth, had grown up into an impressive woman that managed to save him from certain death. A beautiful, brilliant lady that broke through his hard outer shell with envious easiness and gained entrance to his heart.

 _and yet..._

That seemed hardly enough in the face of a future he didn't have. Gazing at her lying next to him, full of youth and beauty he shuddered at the nightmares his life would give her. She had a bright future ahead of her and he couldn't be a part of it. His stained fame would destroy all her chances for a proper career, a family and privacy. The deep sob that rose from his chest echoed into the silent room ominously. He shouldn't have touched her. He claimed her because he loved her, but love wasn't enough. He couldn't provide her with the basics, and he was too much of a realist to believe that love could sustain them through all the hardships. That was not how real life worked. He was nothing more than a branded stray and unless he tried to step solidly on the ground and face all his demons, he couldn't draw anyone else into his hell. Especially her.

He shifted his small black bag at the other hand, and walked thoughtfully. That bag and the leather coat Sybil gave him, were his only possessions in the world. Nothing else belonged to him. He had no money, no house, no freedom, no real life. He couldn't sustain himself, much less another person tagging along. He was on the run. How could he ask someone that meant so much to him, follow him down a road to oblivion?

His heart tore apart when he decided to flee from her as silently and sneakily as only he knew how. Unfortunately she caught up with his cowardice scheme and right there in the middle of the semi darkness he decided to become a bastard for the last time.

He was going to use his bad reputation for the good of someone he loved deeply. He felt his chest welling and he shook his head to clear it from all the bottled emotions, but that was doomed to be short lived as he remembered her shocked face when he told her things unspeakable. Things he couldn't remember, because when he spoke them he was completely detached. The only thing he remembered was her pained eyes when she accused him of destroying her. And he continued his tirade, feeling nothing, absolutely nothing…until she struck him full on the cheek and crashed the door, happy to see the last of him.

That was the moment of his collapse. His face filled up with tears he didn't know were coming in the first place. He sat there crying away about everything that had happened up till then for a long time. He fell asleep in the end, exhausted from his emotional outburst, trying not to feel bitter about getting this sentimental about a woman one more time. Both times he kneeled heavily under such deep emotional strain, a woman had been involved.

S _urprisingly sentimental, you fucking idiot..._

When he woke up next morning, he gathered his few things and walked quietly out of Hogwarts, not intending to speak to anyone. As for the brilliant young witch that shattered his world, he was hoping she found comfort in the arms of her future husband again. His heart pinched angrily, trying to make him aware of how jealous he felt on that thought, but he ignored it. When he reached the Great Hall he stopped and gazed inside thoughtfully.

The children's chorus was already gathered near the tall windows at the back of the room. They were rehearsing for the beginning of the new school year that was coming soon. He had seen them so many times, yet he couldn't get used at how good those children sounded. The chorus always made him pause, even when he was spying for the order and he was under Voldemort's call. He shifted his bag to the other hand and leaned at the door frame, feeling emotionally wasted.

The heaviness on his soul was lifted by the harmonious singing of the children, but the pain in his heart was unable to heal. The numbness of his legs attested that he remained a long time unmoving, listening to them. Blinking indifferently behind his consuming darkness, a few feet away from so much light, he inhaled sharply when a voice drew him out of his soft reverie...

'Severus?'

He turned around with great difficulty not wanting to face Minerva 'Good afternoon' he winced and then got entranced into the chorus once again.

'What are you doing here?' she walked and stood next to him.

'Enjoying the music'

'I remember you always liked the children's chorus' she observed them calmly.

'The only thing I liked from this place, except the library' he blinked feeling numb.

She looked at him 'I rather doubt that. Hogwarts has been your home for seventeen years'

'It has been my house much longer than that Minerva, but not my home. I've known no home' he spoke slowly feeling his heart heavy and the darkness of Hermione's departure lingering.

She nodded gravely 'I know Severus'. Then an uncomfortable silence ensued were she couldn't find the appropriate words to continue, and he didn't care to speak at all 'I know I will sound presumptuous, but this place can _still be_ your house' she gathered enough courage to make an attempt to approach him.

'You are presumptuous. This place hasn't been my house for a long time. It was not in my plans to return to you. I came back to settle my scores with someone and ended up here, almost dead. Surprising as it may seem, I don't intend a permanent return now either, despite how thankful I am to you and to this place for my quick recovery' he felt as if the fight in him was extinguished by Hermione's departure.

'Did you come back for Lily?' Minerva asked carefully.

He got prepared for his heart to grip on that name. It didn't and his brows knitted darkly 'Yes' he replied monotonously.

'Did you manage to settle your scores with her?' Minerva continued to tread carefully.

He felt his lips smirking and that was unwilling. He was smirking at how easily the topic of Lily came to him. Then he remembered Hermione's harsh words and that Harry thought Severus to be his father. The smirk faded away and he raised his brow 'Not yet' he replied thoughtfully.

'So all this has been in vain?' Minerva asked.

'My heart's healed' he gave her the same thoughtful look.

 _And my Patronus has changed…this hasn't been in vain…_

'Indeed, you are healthy now' Minerva smiled kindly.

He nodded silently and shifted his bag from one cold hand to the other.

'And leaving us' she pointed at it.

He winced 'As was expected, of course'

'Hagrid notified me that you inquired about the security measures around the back of the forbidden forest…' she gazed at him.

'Yes'

'It's secure enough to walk through it. All the journalists are gathered at the front' she nodded with a small frown.

'Thank you'

'Are you going to fly out of here?' she asked.

'I won't opt for any kind of magic, no' he observed the chorus thoughtfully.

She followed his eyes 'Magnificent harmony though, right?'

He sighed, but remained silent.

She allowed the brief quiet interval before she attempted an approach again, and this time her voice sounded very warm in his ears 'We will miss you'

His gaze returned to her critical and haughty 'I won't miss you. I've had enough of all of you' he bit through his teeth.

'Well not of all of us as it seems' she said carefully.

His brows creased 'What?'

'Miss Granger came to me this morning just before leaving the school' she let the sentence trail off.

He raised his brow slowly, keeping his expression cold and measured, but his heart sped up 'Did she tell you anything interesting then?' he tried hard to sound bored.

'She asked for the rest of her summer vacation off. I think she went to the house of her future in laws with her fiancee' Minerva looked at her palms apparently disinterested.

'Why do I have to listen to this?' he winced.

'Because Miss Granger did something rather interesting and very stupid in the end of our meeting' Minerva said.

He pursed his lips and kept his haughty look on her, not wanting to hear what Hermione did.

'She asked me to find you and give you this' Minerva's voice sounded almost sad.

Severus lowered his apprehensive eyes towards her open palm. There was a rare golden medieval coin, looking as if it came out of a Shakespearian book.

He looked at Minerva with an inquisitive frown 'Take it, its yours' the old witch said.

He took the small coin in his hands and brought it close to his face. He rolled it between his fingers and raised it to the light. Then he was able to read what was written on it.

"For, you and I are past our dancing days..."

His heart screamed in pain and a tight lump climbed in his throat. He closed his fist around the old coin and swallowed heavily 'Shakespeare' he whispered feeling all his walls crumbling to dust at that moment. Shakespeare of course. Who else would have been more appropriate to give him her farewell? The same writer he used to approach her. It was only befitting Hermione used him in order to close up the circle that Severus opened a few months ago.

'Romeo and Juliet if I am not mistaken' Minerva tried.

His frown darkened menacingly over her and she tried a smile that failed 'It wasn't as if she hid the message'

'Thought you were more discreet than this' he gazed down at her.

'We are not little children Severus to play around. The fact alone that she gave me a token for you, not to mention that she looked like the living dead, said a lot about what is going on' she said firmly.

'When did she leave?' he feeling his shoulders slouching.

'Not long ago…'

 _He pictured a muddy carriage taking her away from him and his throat tightened 'Very well then, that's it' he whispered and his fist closed tight around the small token. Holding the last part of her, so it wouldn't leave him also. He felt deeply hurt and unable to stop himself from showing it._

'What do you mean?' she asked.

'What do you want Minerva?' he suddenly felt overburdened by her insistent presence. He wanted to be left alone with his thoughts.

'To know if you are ready to tell me what happened between you and my Potions Mistress' she replied carefully.

'I dragged her into the gutter. Feel free to have a go at me too' he bit back.

'Did she have a go at you first?' Minerva was rattling his nerves with her calmness.

'Its not hard to figure that out' his lips turned down in a sadness that extended up to his eyes.

'So did you drag her into the gutter Severus?' Minerva asked shifting her weight calmly.

'Apparently' he flicked his shoulders.

She huffed 'You've taught me some valuable lessons as a colleague. One of them is to see beyond what's apparent'

'It matters not Minerva! She thinks I destroyed her….' he licked his lower lip and exhaled. The weight of his guilt fell heavy on his heart.

'Why did you make her think something like that Severus?' Minerva was obviously trying to suppress her anger.

'What do I have to do to shut you up Headmistress? Will my admittance that we were involved do the trick? I need to be left alone…' he barked, unable to stop himself.

'I've already drawn my conclusions on that. You're ongoing situation has been blindingly obvious to all, almost since the beginning' she pursed her lips 'So your bold admittance won't shut me up, no'

He looked at her and raised his brow 'Impressive ability of perception' his lip curled up loftily.

'Miss Granger's interest in you was totally unprocessed. My perception had nothing to do with this. Of course I would have never spoken about something so personal. Totally inappropriate'

'Fine! So what do you want now? To belittle me for messing around a married woman?' he asked heavily.

'No, that's your business. I just wanted to ask you as a friend Severus…' she trailed off.

'Ask me what?' he snapped.

'What happened…why did she run away from you, so quickly?' she frowned.

He huffed and wiped away the top of his lip that was breaking with sweat of uneasiness 'That's easy. I send her back to her husband after I messed around with her thoroughly. Proud of me?'

'Did she want to remain with you?' Minerva asked.

His heart complained and he hesitated for a split second 'She was a foolish young lady…' he whispered and felt his eyes welling. He turned around quickly.

Minerva paused for a long time, observing him. Finally she nodded apparently agreeing with some deep internal debate 'She did….'

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes not wanting to face reality anymore.

Minerva's voice next was angry 'Why did you send her away since she wanted to remain with you!?'

'Although I hardly think this is any of your business...' he tried, but she flared up.

'It is my business, because this woman is not only my employee, but also someone I deeply care about! But my feelings don't actually matter, since she made it my business when she told me to give you that token' she retorted heavily.

He remained totally unmoved 'Even though this is none of your business, I will remind you that I am society's outcast in the best of cases, or a run away in the worst. I don't have a job nor a house'

'And that is why your story ended this way?' she inquired cooling down after his unaltered manner.

'It ended because Miss Granger is under the impression that I used her' he replied feeling the knife that was buried into his heart twisting around mercilessly.

'Impression or reality?' she asked with a dark inquisitive frown.

He felt bothered beyond reason 'Do you really expect an answer to that one?' his head twisted loftily and his lips pursed. She was starting to get to him and he was not in the best emotional state to work calmly through this conversation.

'Do you think it is moral to feed her such fibs?' Minerva gazed at him critically.

'Maybe I had no other choice…' he run his fingers through his hair, feeling tired to the bones.

'Why?' she insisted.

'Because Minerva, difficult as it may seem to you.…' his voice turned dry '...I cannot give her what she deserves' he forced himself to reply.

'Cannot?' her brow rose as she questioned his motives openly.

'Will not' he gave her a curt nod and his jawline tightened.

'Why?' her eyes squinted.

'Because I only have me to offer…and I am not enough, now stop…just stop…' he covered his face and turned his back to her, needing in some manner to ground himself.

Minerva observed me silently for several moments.

He felt uneasy under her scrutinising stare and returned the look to her, trying hard to keep any tears at bay.

She shook her head heavily 'For Merlin's sake…Severus, you love her' she spoke softly.

Those words were enough to undo him. The tears reached his eyes and she saw it 'Don't …' he warned with a broken voice.

'You love her…and you know what's the worst part?' she asked with a deep frown.

He swallowed the hard lump, but remained silent.

'I think she loves you too' she trailed off.

He rubbed his eyes, as if trying to wipe this painful conversation clear off his skin 'Leave off Minerva' he snarled.

'What the _hell_ do you think you are doing? Both of you!?' she asked and threw her hands in the air.

'We are leaving each other respectfully alone. Which is something that you should do also' he rejoined feeling his nerves like loose threads swaying in the wind.

'You are both fools! Fools that will spent foolish years regretting their choices! But I cannot make you see, now can I? Old age cannot offer wisdom to the feverish youth…' she said angrily and shook her head.

'Did you just call me feverish youth?' he broke into a small smile.

'Looking at your standing here, all hurt, afraid and ready to run away…you are not far from the image of the Severus I knew as a young man' she offered him a sad smile of her own.

'I intended to run away since the start. That decision had nothing to do with Hermione' his smile faded away slowly.

'Through the back door?' Minerva nodded.

'As the coward that I have always been…' he whispered under his breath.

She looked at up sharply 'Coward? Anything but!' her voice then broke slightly.

He gave her a bitter smile 'Don't play emotional with me. We know each other too well and I never forget' he warned.

'You were never a coward! NEVER!' she replied boldly and gazed at him steadily, breaking through his attack.

'Never? How about the time you called me one in front of the whole school?' he raised his brow.

Her countenance broke and her eyes turned searchingly on him 'Back in those days...I didn't know. Severus, I was confused, scared and alone. Albus died...'

He spoke coldly over her 'He didn't die, I killed him'

She looked at him sharply and her jawline tightened in disapproval 'He died...but I couldn't have known. No one apart from you and him knew the deal, so don't be so unfair to me. We were all afraid, I had a whole school full of children to protect during very dark and unsettling times. I couldn't...I didn't judge you correctly…' she watered her lips.

He drew a deep breath and kept his eyes calmly on her 'No one supported me Minerva. I supported this school with everything I had, but my past always followed me and my reputation was always stained. For the ones that couldn't have known I didn't feel any resentment, but for the people that lived around me for so many years… calling me a traitor felt impossible to bear. I thought that at least some of you would have understood the sacrifice. No one did…' his head leaned sideways sorrowfully.

'Severus, I did my best, which in your case was not enough…I am sorry' she sounded honest.

 _Don't ask more than people are able to give…_

'Its ok Minerva, it doesn't matter anymore' he shook his head quietly.

'It matters to me! You don't how much this burdens me! When I learned the truth I was destined to be haunted by your ghost and the harsh memories of our last encounter. If I could, I would have taken back the way I treated you when you were Headmaster. I would offer you my chair this very moment to make you believe me...' she paused solemnly for a few tense moments 'Do you want to be Headmaster again?'

He raised his hand prohibitively and smiled 'Keep the job and your impressive titles. Let me have my freedom'

'Which freedom is that? You are running away…' she shook her head confused.

'I have to try and find it at least' he rubbed his shoulders. He felt vulnerable and exposed.

'For the love of MERLIN open your bloody eyes! You run away from Hermione! What kind of freedom is this, when you have to run away from the one you love?' she asked obviously affected by all this.

'I had no other choice, but to run away! What can I offer her Minerva? My love is not enough _._ Be realistic for a moment and leave the emotional dribble for your teenage students. I was unable to offer anything to Lily and she chose James instead. I am unable to offer anything to Hermione, and she chose her husband! That's the brutal reality' he replied dryly. His eyes shifted to the Great Hall where the chorus kept up it's insistent rehearsals. The sun rays were passing from the tall bay windows throwing the shadows of the students on the floor. He sighed deeply.

'Bullshit! Two different women, two different stories' Minerva spat.

He raised both brows 'What?' he turned at her in disbelief.

'I said bullshit! This is the most defeatist attitude I have seen from you! First and foremost you still have your parent's house, don't you?' she flicked her wrist at him.

He inhaled deeply 'I'd rather die than go back there'

'Then sell it and buy something else' she rejoined.

'In order to do that I have to reappear to the world and I am not in a hurry to do something like that as you can plainly see' he raised his brow at her critically.

'Because you are a fool!' she was exasperated.

'What's come over you?' he asked truly unable to understand this sudden mood change in her.

'I cannot bear to see you waste away into nothingness. People of your talent, ability and personality Severus don't waste away. You have a house already. Sell it and move on with your life. You have your superb proficiency in potions and in the dark arts, an ability that few command as well as you do. Sell your profession and find a job. Get some money to support yourself. I offer you a job right here, do you want to take it?' she asked crossing her arms and shifting her legs impatiently.

'No' he shook his head.

'You don't want to come back to this place. I can understand that, but don't try to convince me that no one in the wizarding world is willing to employee _you_ in potions, because I will classify the world crazy. If you let it be know that you offer your magical skills in any area people will jump out of nowhere to grab you for themselves and you mark my words. Even the Ministry is after your skills. I have already offered you a solution. You are one step away from owning a new house and having a new job, and yet you are ready to run and fade away. Once again' she huffed dismissively.

'My house is old. It amounts to nothing special' he winced thoughtfully.

'Bullocks!' she exclaimed and he gazed at her with disbelief.

'Bullocks?' he frowned.

'Bullocks yes! Your house will be sold before you say _up for sale_ and will probably be turned into a museum, or whoever buys it will put a plaque outside saying that Severus Snape was born and lived here for thirteen years. You are a part of history whether you like it or not. You are just using all this as an excuse. A cheap excuse'

'Excuse?' he frowned.

She looked at him sternly 'As an excuse to remain hidden away, yet you crave freedom. Well, guess what…in order to be free you have to stop running. You have to stop hiding. You have to face the world. You have to face them' she said and pointed towards the main gates of the castle beyond the stony viaduct.

He remained silent.

'I am not the only one who has told you this, right?'

'No' the succinct answer.

'Only if you face them will you be free. You told me before that you have nothing. So you have nothing to lose, only a lot to gain' she smiled widely at him when she reached the wanted conclusion.

'The only thing I want is to find some peace Minerva. This is the first time in years that I don't belong to any master and I am able to pursue some kind of future. I will try and do that, but not through them' he said and pointed towards the gates.

'Then you are bound to fail. You are such a fool…' she looked at him thoughtfully.

'Stop calling me names, honestly' he rubbed his eyes with force and felt his head throbbing.

'You had the future in your hands and you pushed it away' she replied.

'What the fuck are you talking about?' he asked, feeling above any of his limits.

'Granger was your future. I saw her when she left and she looked absolutely miserable' she said gravely.

'We are going around in fucking circles. I told you why this had to happen' he threw his bag at the floor totally exasperated.

'Because you have nothing to offer her. Well I gave you more than one solutions. Its in your hands to reclaim your future' she nodded patiently.

'I cannot…I am emotionally spent' he closed his eyes and twisted his neck around nervously. He didn't want to continue, but she seemed quite decided.

'I beg to differ...' she said and he gazed at her critically '…tell me have you ever questioned _why_ you feel you have nothing to offer her?' she asked.

His brows knitted heavily 'I have no roots Minerva. I am pursued constantly' his spine curled in.

'Exactly my boy. The very reason that made you push this woman away, is the very reason that makes you run away' she pointed towards the gates. Her eyes were piercing.

He felt sweat breaking on his forehead 'So you are suggesting that I should face the world?'

'Yes' she retorted heavily 'Face them, because last time you run, you almost died'

He shuddered hard, but didn't speak.

'Last time you avoided facing the world, you lost the woman you loved. Life proved to you that running away is not a solution to any of your problems. Do you remember how it felt when you run away from Lily?' she asked firmly.

His heart tightened in defensive anger and suddenly those words rekindled the fight in him 'I never forgot' he whispered darkly.

'Why the repetition then?' she frowned.

'I…Minerva…I don't know' he replied enigmatically and looked towards the doors. One thing he knew for sure. It was time to move on. This conversation with Minerva drew his last strength away and at the same time offered a critical gaze towards his chosen route of escape. He unexpectedly found himself debating about what he should do. Right there in front of the Great Hall, with the melodic chorus in the background singing harmoniously about serene times were no hard decisions would be asked out of him.

'So…you are quite decided on leaving?' Minerva asked.

'Yes' he replied lost in deep thought and took several steps. He stopped in front of the great clock, forgetting that his suitcase was abandoned at the entrance of the Great Hall.

She approached him 'Is there anything I can do for you before you go?' her voice sounded almost caring.

He shook his head and looked up 'You have done enough as it is'

'I hope you don't mean our dark past' she smiled kindly, which peculiarly didn't suit her serious features.

'That also…' he threw back at her, but with no real mood to insult her.

'Severus. I need to say it...' she trailed off.

He waited patiently. Wanting to hear her.

'I am sorry about everything...' her voice was steady and clear.

He inhaled deeply, feeling a heavy load getting off his shoulders. He asked forgiveness from Albus not so long ago also. What right did he have to deny one to her 'Nothing to ask forgiveness about Headmistress. We all did our duty in times of war' he threw his honest gaze on her, hoping to make her understand how difficult it had been for him to accept what happened between them. That he was making a solid try to let go of the past…let another demon of his go.

He barely had the time to see her eyes that were glowing, before she withdrew them towards the chorus nonchalantly 'I think I'd better attend to them. They are putting up this performance for me you know' she pointed at the children.

'For every Headmaster, every year' he nodded.

 _Except for me..._ a bitter note intruded his thoughts, but he chose not to share it with her.

With clear eyes and a steady smile she turned to him this time 'Well Goodbye Severus. I suppose this time for good' she offered her hand.

He took it into a firm hold 'Goodbye, for good' he nodded.

'Win your life back. Get out there and set everything right' she spoke quietly and her eyes burned him for several intense seconds.

He winced and involuntarily gave her a curt nod. For a moment he saw an insecure little girl in front of him. She remained there for a few seconds before the strong austere countenance of the Headmistress took over 'Well let's see you perform it from the start!' she raised her commanding voice and looked away from him. He looked at the hourglasses of the four houses all ready for the new year. He blinked thoughtfully at the hallway behind him, appreciating with belated gratefulness the house that sheltered him for so many years. Prior to Hogwarts he lived in a borrowed hell and after it in the streets. What Lucius, Albus, Hermione and Minerva told him was correct. Until he found a home of his own, he had no life, and that would be accomplished by not running away this time.

With a small thoughtful frown he shuffled quickly out of the castle and into the plaza that led to the viaduct and the gates. He walked relatively calm towards the large structure knowing that at some point he would be visible from the gates, even though they were far enough. Fear, the main emotion that controlled him when reporters concerned, was not there anymore. The only thing he could think of was Hermione's token and that carriage taking her away through the rough muddy roads of Scotland's highlands. He done it again. He send off the woman he loved, so that he'd avoid facing his fears. Another life destroyed because of his cowardliness. His grip on the token became almost painful as it's round edges pressed into the skin of his palm.

The sounds of the forest muted and his peripheral vision blackened. He focused solely on the main gates as his legs carried him dutifully at the beginning of the viaduct. He felt his chest firing up and that is when he heard the distant mumble of many voices. His eyes saw the reporters aligned in front the heavy iron gates. They were waiting for none other than him. Ready to tear him apart.

A few months ago cold sweat would have drenched his back and he would have scuttered quickly as far away from them as possible. Now? He kept his steady gaze on them and rolled the token between his fingers. He felt the soft summer's breeze blowing his hair away from his face, allowing his sweaty skin to breathe for a moment. That is when a male voice made him turn his head back.

'Severus! What the hell do you think you are doing?' Lucius asked with a frown.

 _I am considering facing them…_ the thought fell heavy on him.

'What are you doing here?' he asked not even trying to mask his voice, or speak quietly. He secretly wished to draw the attention of the vultures. He wanted the release that would offer. If they noticed him, then there would be no turning back. No more see-saw, between the viaduct and the forbidden forest. No more wondering what was the best choice for him.

 _This is bloody surreal…._ a small smirk covered his lips.

'What the hell are you smiling at!? Get over here' Lucius beckoned him back.

'What are you doing here Lucius?' he sobered up quickly.

'I am here to escort you out of the castle, with Minerva's blessings' his friend winked at him and then pursued his lips 'You are totally exposed here, come back inside and we will go through the Clock Tower, by Hagrid's cabin and into the forbidden forest' he added urgently.

'No' Severus looked towards the journalists and shook his head in denial.

'What the hell are you doing? Do you have a death wish? Come here!' Lucius hissed and beckoned him to safety one more time.

Severus shook his head 'I am not coming'

'Not coming? What do you mean?' his friend lowered his hand in bewilderment.

Severus rolled the token between his fingers and felt the hair on his nape raising ominously 'I am walking out of the front door this time'

Lucius fell silent and Severus turned his head to the far away gates. One of the reporters turned around slowly and stepped on the cigarette butt he threw on the ground. Severus concentrated on the man and urged him inwards to lift his eyes. Something that happened not long after and their eyes locked for a few frozen seconds. Severus swallowed a dry throat and squared his shoulders daringly. The moment of his much dreaded revelation, seemed oddly calm and silent. It was a moment that brought him inner peace, since now he couldn't take back what happened. The brief seconds were the two men weighed each other from a distance rolled by dramatically slow and he found himself mesmerised by the serenity he felt inside.

A crow flew above the viaduct and it cawed ominously. That caused the reporter to snap out of his stupor and his face distorted with an urgency that made Severus frown.

'It's him! Severus Snape!' he cried to his colleagues.

Severus's lips twisted and he was unable to stop this physical reaction when he heard that angry voice calling out his name. The journalistic hoard turned around with impressive unison and then everything went to hell. A ferocious trance took over them and they began yelling and calling out to him. They stepped on the iron gates and rattled them, trying to shake them open. Fingers pointed at him almost accusingly, cameras flashed repeatedly, a wild menagerie came alive, right there in front of his doorstep, and that terrifying show was all for...

… _me, you bloody fools…_ his mind admonished them.

'Severus are you fucking mental? COME HERE!' Lucius grabbed him by the arm. That gesture drew him out of his strange reverie as the mingled yells from the gates barfed out words like 'Snape, get him out here, interview, open up, hiding!'

He pulled his arm free 'Let go' he barked.

'Are you seriously considering walking through them?' Lucius was looking at him in apprehension.

He observed the old, decaying face of his friend. Another lost soul because of all the wrong choices 'Didn't you advise me to do so?'

Lucius nodded 'Yes, but witnessing them acting like wolves upon a sheep, I _implore_ you to come with me. You can stay in our house till we sort something out. This isn't the best way out Severus!' his voice was pleading.

'Its not the _best_ , but its the only' he looked at his friend firmly.

The steady beating of his healthy heart confirmed that he was making the right decision. The crying eyes of Hermione forever engraved in his heart gave him the needed motivation. Her token warm from his feverish body, constantly reminded him how he lost the woman he loved, because he chose to run away. Telling him to stand his ground for once.

… _And hope for the best, because I am already at my worst..._

'Severus, please' Lucius begged.

'No Lucius, I will beg you this time instead' he grasped his friend's bicep like a vice 'Go home! Return to your wife and to your son. Turn around and go back to the safety of Narcissa's arms. You don't know how lucky you are. Just Go!' he pushed him, urging him back to the castle.

'Severus if you go through them I won't be able to follow. I don't have the courage anymore' Lucius sounded defeated.

'I am not asking you to follow me' he shook his head and frowned.

'You are doing it alone then?' his friend paled up.

'Unlike you, I am hunted. I cannot have any kind of life, unless I face them' he smiled sadly.

'Severus...' Lucius trailed off not knowing what more to say.

'I don't want you to give me any wise words of redemption or conviction. I just want you to let me go, to let me try...' he said angrily.

'Try?'

'Try to be free...' he smiled calmly.

His friend closed his eyes and nodded. A timid smile appeared on his lips too 'I think I understand' he replied after several seconds.

'Leave…' he pushed him away again.

'Severus…' Lucius made one last attempt.

'I will try to be at Draco's wedding' he added decisively 'But don't tell him yet'

Lucius's smile widened and his eyes shown brightly 'I won't!' he reassured him.

'Now go' Severus's brow darkened as he looked at the familiar countenance of his friend.

Then he turned around and the world slowed down to a stop. He was willingly leaving the safety of this world behind, and he was about to enter the grotesque reality of the other world that viewed him as an object on sale. He was looking at the ones that waited behind those gates, ready to tear what was remaining of his stained reputation to threads for the pleasure of their readers. His brows knitted heavily and his heart sank deeper…yet that was the only one way _._ The strange serenity that took over him was still lingering, keeping him from running away.

He looked at her token for several silent moments and then threw it in the air. It tilted on it's axe, and the sun rays glowed on it's round corners as it fell back down and rested on his palm. He closed his fist quickly before it had the chance to bounce out and captured it.

'Headmistress!' Hagrid's angry exclamation made him raise his head slowly towards the newcomers. All this turmoil at the castle gates must have triggered her wards. Minerva was not looking at the gates though. She was staring into his very soul, expressionless.

'Severus?' she frowned.

'Should I have a go at 'em, Headmistress?' Hagrid barked annoyed.

'Keep still Hagrid, don't move!' she ordered.

Severus broke into a smile. His long fingers touched his temple in a military salutation, and she was unable to hold a smile of her own. He gave her a curt nod and turned around. Exactly when the bell tower stroke twelve his foot took the first step on the viaduct. He walked steadily towards a bellowing crowd that shook the gates to their roots, trying to stop himself from stopping in fear. His dragon hide boots shuffled through the dust, but his step was self assured and the pace as military as his salutation had been.

As he quickly approached them, a distant more detached part, warned him about acting stupidly. That this was not the appropriate reaction, that he should at least be feeling some degree of awe at the madness that awaited him. His grip on her token became tighter, securing it there as he reached the doors. Giving them exactly what they wanted, him in first row, he stopped and remained immovable. He didn't know what would make their exhilaration settle down, so he waited for them to ride it out. The battle for the best picture raged on for several moments. The heavy gates almost bend under the pressure. They were close to breaking open, just from the sheer force of all these people pushing them relentlessly.

His continuous stillness had the wanted results as the reporters got the photos they wanted so much. They called for him to come out, stuck their cameras through the bars and their hands tried to touch him, but he remained unmoving. The repeated flashes began dazing him and he tried not to flinch away from them. Slowly his unchanging manners settled them down in trepidation. His stillness after a point seemed eerie and the people looking at each other anxiously, asking silent questions as to why he was acting this way. The seconds rolled by and their cameras withdrew from the bars as easily as they pulled back from the gates. He allowed their previous turmoil to settle down with the luxurious leisure that the locked gates offered him. He observed them clinically as they whispered at each other, their eyes watching him warily. One of them, that was especially tall seemed to be organising them for another assault at the gates and Severus felt that this was the appropriate time to speak.

'Pull back' he said casually.

'What?' the tall reporter turned around quickly.

'Pull back' he moved towards the gates.

'He is coming out! Go back, MOVE BACK!' the imposing man flocked the remaining group back, in order to allow him enough space to come out. Severus touched the heavy gates and felt the wards running through him. It took a small fraction of his magical knowledge to melt them to the ground.

'Keep away!' the reporter that took on the role of the leader ordered, when some of them tried to push forward again.

It took a large part of his strength to pull the gates open, but when a small opening appeared he gave up on the effort and passed through it. He looked up at the seemingly frozen group 'You wanted me' he stated with a strong voice.

That is when all hell broke loose and he felt deeply shaken by what followed. He had been expecting this, but it was different to live it from up close. The sound of his voice opened up the floodgates and everyone went crazy. A sea of demanding people almost swept him off his feet. The photographers began raping him repeatedly with renewed energy and the same madness he witnessed behind the protection of the gates, now threatened to choke him.

He winced in fear and covered his eyes with his forearm. The need to flee from them and hide behind the gates again was very strong. It had been easy pretending to be bold behind Minerva's protection, but now he felt completely overwhelmed by their assault. Surprisingly though their intrusion didn't extend to any physical abuse, since they managed to keep a very tight circle free around him. Inside that pandemonium, no one was touching him, even though they were tearing him apart in every other way.

 _No way back…stand your ground…_

Fear or no fear he was there and he had to go through them now. If not for himself, then for Hermione. For those beautiful brown eyes he betrayed with terrible lies last night. He owed it first to her and then to himself.

'One at a time' he said, but no one listened.

'Were you hiding in Hogwarts all his time?'

'Where did you go after the fall of the Dark Lord?'

'Why did you return?'

'Did really Dumbledore ask you to kill him?'

'Did you really love Lily Potter?'

'Are you Harry's real father?'

'Do you still have contacts within the remaining Death Eaters?'

'Show us your Patronus!'

'Why did the Ministry have a trace on your magic?'

'Does the Ministry classify you as dangerous?'

So many questions overlapping each other quickly, making it impossible to answer even if he wanted to. He had to find a way to stop them. He had to shock them into silence in some manner. He kept on protecting his face trying to think of a way out of this for a few more minutes. Listening to their insistent questioning that had no space available for his answers when suddenly an idea came up. It was bold, arrogant and tasteless, but it could work.

He pushed back and felt the gates stopping his retreat and then reached out for his sleeve. He pulled it back quickly and turned the inside of his forearm up. The dark mark was exposed to their cameras and to their eyes and it had the effect he wished quicker than he had ever hoped.

As if by magic they stopped assaulting him and a silent stillness overtook them apart from the photographers that immortalised him in that stance. With his dark mark exposed and his hair wild, looking at them with knitted brows and a dark countenance that demanded silence.

'Now that you no longer shout, you maybe be able to hear…' he was pleasantly surprised by the steadiness of his voice, which came in contrast to the wild drumming of his heart.

No one spoke.

He looked around him 'This is what you wanted, isn't it? To see me like this? Since Voldemort's fall you've been itching to catch me like this. So here I am, immortalise the evil in me, get your pictures. I will answer your questions, but you will also hear me, because I have a few things I want to tell you and your audience. Once and for all!' his voice dropped low. His jawline tightened and his blood boiled under his seemingly collected exterior.

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	34. Chapter 34

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As the Professor got ready to face another demon, Hermione sat curled in Mark's carriage. The horses were quickly galloping down the dirt roads, taking her away from the only man she had ever loved so deeply. She wiped a tear with the ball of her finger and tried to muffle her sobs. Her emotions were bottled up at the top of her throat screaming to escape. She looked at the dimming turrets of Hogwarts, trapped behind the rolling hills with a foggy background that did nothing to cheer her up.

 _It is done…_

Severus drove her away in the end, and she hadn't been strong enough to remain and face the dark side of his personality anymore. She felt the push he gave her so coldly into the marrow of her bones and the pain from that would linger for a long time. She turned her back to the Professor's bruising dismissal and took hold of Mark's promise for security like a drowning woman would grab a rotting piece of wood to save herself. Mark's promise for stability was the only hope that was keeping her from falling apart.

She felt the irony of her situation poking her mind to the point of madness. All her life she aimed for stability, for programming, for prudence. For someone like Mark to settled down and have a family. When she finally got her wish, she overlooked it for the benefit of a tall, dark and sexy vagabond that would never belong to anyone, much less to her. A man that she could hardly understand never mind penetrate his heart and demand to be a part of it. A man that primarily showed her how exciting her love life could be and ended up stealing her heart, before throwing it back at her used and empty.

She felt anger seething again in her mind and the hair on her nape rose ominously when she remembered the way he drove her away a few hours ago. As she was ready to give up everything and run away with him, he gave her heart such a strong blow, she felt she'd never heal.

She pretended sleep as she didn't want Mark to question her again, but controlling her breathing felt impossible. She pulled her hood down and hid away from the world and her fiance, not understanding how things tumbled so out of control, so quickly. She didn't want Mark by her side, which was confusing since she run to him for comfort in the first place. She shook her head slightly and felt her throat constricting, not understanding were sanity was at that moment. She wanted to be left alone by all, she wanted no one by her side…

 _Liar…_ her mind accused her angrily.

No, she wanted the one that she couldn't have. The one that she came so close to physically, but was unable to approach emotionally. Maybe if she closed her eyes she could forget the nightmare he threw her in and dream. She tried hard, very hard not to think of him, but she failed especially behind her shut eyes. He was not only occupying her mind with his imposing presence, but his unforgettable touch felt deeply embedded into every single cell of her body. All she wanted to do was run back and shake him to his senses even through physical abuse if necessary.

 _I just want to be with you…_ her mind teared up.

'He has taken over me' the whisper was merely a breath and it was unwilling, but she felt her stomach clenching in terror. Mark had acted angrily towards her the moment she entered their bedroom and the preparation for their journey had been quick and with few words that resembled commanding barks. His parents didn't say anything to her either. They just followed their son and her out of Hogwarts and into a carriage of their own. He knew something was wrong, she just couldn't tell how much he had figured out yet. She didn't want to attract his attention with anymore crying, but unfortunately that was not going to work out this time.

He shuffled next to her 'What?'

She had to fight hard not to jump out of her skin at the sound of his voice.

He inhaled in exasperation and shifted on his seat 'Don't take me for a fool! We discussed this back at the apartments. Don't play me for an ignorant fool!' he warned.

Her heart filled with terror. That was true. That warning was the only discussion they had before he resumed his snappy commands towards the exit, making her feel partly relieved of running away from Severus and partly afraid that Mark was going to grab her bicep like a vice again and hurt her in a way he had never done before.

She turned her head around slowly and pretended to wake up from a deep slumber 'W-what?'

He was looking out his own window 'You've been gazing out that fucking window, pretending sleep since we left the castle when all the time you've been crying. Do you think that since I accepted to escort you to my parent's house I am also willing to bury everything under the carpet? Undeceive yourself...' he turned at her slowly.

Her heart missed several beats when she saw his face filled with hatred. He wore a terrifying mask she had never seen on him before. Her eyes gazed quickly to the carriage that was carrying his parents and he noticed 'Oh, they are there all right. Fooled by your willingness to follow them home with me. Happy in the own ignorance. As you thought I was'

'W-what are you saying?' she asked not knowing where all that courage to keep talking with him derived from. It was clear that he knew. She hadn't been prepared for such an attack though and she wrapped her arms around her shoulders protectively.

He smirked 'I am saying that you are a blinding whore and at this moment I am trying to stop myself from dealing with you appropriately' he bore his teeth with menace.

'What is this language of yours,' she tried to back up her voice with some stealth. It broke mid sentence, failing her miserably.

'What? Are you not one then?' he feigned interest.

'OF COURSE NOT!' she bellowed, trying to get some grip on the fear that clenched her stomach.

'Whom were you talking about a moment ago?' he moved towards her.

She gulped down a whole bout of unease and felt her forehead breaking in sweat.

'Whom have you been visiting when you told me that you were going to Ginny? Whom have you been kissing and fucking when you returned home reeking of sex? WHOM?!' he spat and her blood froze.

She pulled back instinctively 'Mark I haven't been fucking anyone! Its only you. It has always been only you,' her heart climbed up her throat panicky.

'Me?' he grimaced with obvious disgust.

She nodded silently, muted by the crazy glint in his eyes. That is when she heard the sound distant and weird, but felt the pain flaring up the right side of her jaw. He struck her such a strong punch that she jerked back and hit the window with her back almost shuttering it to pieces. She cried in pain and cupped the injured skin feeling her eyes running with tears of fear and anger.

 _WHAT THE FUCK?!_

She opened her eyes and tried to meet him square in the eye, to show him she was not afraid of his physical abuse, but failed. Her eyes were blurry and the tears ran down her injured jaw and neck. His arms landed next to her shoulders, stopping any possible retreat and she recoiled abhorred.

'How much do you want me to believe your fucking lies?' he hissed with menace right into her face and his breath smelt of rotten flesh, or so her mind was playing tricks on her.

'What the fuck did you just do?' she heard her voice from far away, edging on hysterics.

'Who was your bit on the side? It was that motherfucker you saved, right? Your Professor,' he snapped.

She was trying hard to balance between the pain in her jaw that was throbbing, the fact that he knew everything, and the fear for his animalistic reaction. She couldn't find a footing to rebuke him and upon those words another fear stronger than all the rest caught up with her. She didn't want Mark to know anything about Severus.

'No no' she shook her head almost desperately.

'It was HIM I know it! Don't lie to me!' the next punch landed on the soft muscles of her stomach and she felt like she was orbiting slowly towards oblivion. Now it wasn't a matter of feeling angry anymore at him for hitting her, now it was mind numbing fear that she was in actual danger.

'No, Mark p-please' she begged and felt tears running down her face as the pain from both stomach and jaw were burning angrily. She found it difficult to breathe, much less talk reasonably with someone that was obviously out of his mind.

'It was him since the beginning! Since you started playing little nurse to him. All those times you were missing after he woke up were to go to him, weren't they? How long did it take you to lure him in? Did he fuck you good and proper? Did you like it?!' he spat saliva on her making her already pained stomach turn with the need to vomit on his pristine white shirt, that was probably magicked ironed by his perfect pureblood mother.

'Mark you have to stop this now!' she gasped and kicked the panel with her boot in order to give the signal for the carriage to stop. He grabbed her leg and pinned her knee close to her waist. She groaned in response and tried to shake him off.

'No one can hear us, you fucking bitch! Did you think I wouldn't understand that something serious was going on when you disappeared nights on end and came back in the morning with hormones overflowing your happy face?' he growled near her ear and tightened his hand around her thigh like a vice, making her reel in pain.

'Mark you are hurting me!' she cried and tried to break free. She had to get out of that carriage.

He didn't hear her. He was inside a mad trance and she was the victim of his brute force 'You reeked of him! What did he do? Did he take you on all fours like the bitch you really are? Did you suck him dry? Did he see what a silent and anorgasmic whore you really are?' he licked her cheek.

She felt bile rising in her throat and pushed him with force 'Mark let me GO!' she screeched and started hitting him wherever she could find reach with her free leg, but that was short lived. He caught her arms in the air and pinned her leg to the back of the seat with his body. She couldn't do much in that position. She had him right between her legs and she felt revolt.

'No, I am not going to let you go. First I am going to make you admit everything you did and then I am going to fuck you through every orifice I can find!' he growled in her ear.

'LET GO, get off of me, you are crazy, you don't know what you are doing! LET ME GO!' she screamed and tried again to push him away.

'If it was him in this position what would you have done whore? Would you have kicked and pushed him away? I rather doubt it. You would have flashed your dirty pussy and begged to be taken. I know you. I know the WHORE you hide inside!' he fell upon her throat like a hungry animal and began biting her painfully. Making her hiss from a fresh bout of pain. His nails dug on her wrists making her bleed.

 _I have to escape...I have to…_

She tried hard to concentrate on a way out and not on what he was doing to her. She felt his hair prickling her lips and spat to get them out. Her body twisted desperately under him trying to find a leverage to kick him off. Just as she let out another terrified scream of pain when his teeth sank into the tender skin of her throat, she saw that her mouth was very close to his ear. She started propelling her head closer with her chin in order to reach it with her mouth. He was so concentrated in trying to rape her that he didn't pull back. Soon enough her mouth reached the top of his earlobe. She first landed her lips on it and sucked in to get more skin into her mouth. She felt him stiffening under her, but before he had the time to react she managed to get a good amount of the upper earlobe between her teeth and bit down so hard that she felt it tearing apart.

His excruciating cry almost tore her ear drums and as he pulled back to break free from her lethal teeth his upper earlobe ripped off. He fell back at the other side of the carriage grasping his profusely bleeding ear. Her wrists and neck felt abused and the pain in her stomach and jaw was on fire, but when she saw him holding a bloody trail upon his head with shocked disbelieving eyes, she harked. That is when she realised that the remaining piece of his ear was in her mouth still. She gagged and spat it on the floor in front of his feet. He looked down at it and then back at her in terror.

'Keep your filthy hands off of me you fucking asshole,' she hissed and rubbed her wrists in anger, feeling her knee cups weak and trembling 'Don't you dare touch me! Yes, I cheated on you, and as it seems you thoroughly deserved it. Lower the fucking wards! I am getting off the carriage and you are going to do nothing to stop me do you hear? Nothing, or else I am going to hex you to hell!' she pointed her formidable wand at him with a trembling hand.

He was looking at her pale and livid, his mouth open, struggling to breathe or find the proper words. She couldn't care less.

Her eyes pierced him, waiting for one wrong move in order to hex him, but he didn't move. She felt the wards lowering and she kicked the panel once more. At the appointed signal the carriage slowed down and soon stopped. She opened the door behind her and stepped backwards at the first step 'Don't you dare follow me. Find an excuse for your parents and leave, or else I am going to kill you and I mean it,' she hissed warningly.

He kept looking at her, holding his ear that had bled down to the middle of his chest. She stepped off and closed the door. He knocked on the panel once. The carriage rolled off and she kept her eyes and wand on him until she could see neither him or the carriage anymore.

 _Oh, heaven help me..._

That is when her knees unlocked and she collapsed on the muddy ground, sinking her trembling hands in it. She shut her eyes and tried to calm down her drumming heart. The feelings of absolute terror and blinding anger thundered in her for a long time, before the urgent need to get help slowly came to the surface. The first person on her mind was Severus, but she pushed that thought away ruthlessly. There was no way that she would return to him after what he did, no matter how much she needed him at that moment. She rubbed her bruised wrists and spat Mark's remaining blood from her mouth without even realising that it had started to rain.

She didn't know how long she remained there buried into the mud with the heavy rainfall drenching her, but it was sudden terror that made her snap out of her nightmarish trance. She imagined Mark coming back to get her and her eyes dilated with decapitating horror. She disapparated to the only place that could offer her comfort now.

When she appeared in front of Harry's house, she was still muddy and kneeling down. She immediately pushed herself up, not wanting to draw unwanted attention. She was a mess and passersby were noticing her already. She dragged herself up to the door and knocked looking behind her. A woman offered her a critical gaze and Hermione turned around and wiped her mouth to erase the taste of blood. Her jaw bruise flared up and she hissed in pain. She knocked again more urgently lowering her eyes to the ground. That is when the door opened up to her utter relief.

'Hermione?' Ginny asked.

She raised her head and Ginny covered her mouth 'OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!' she cried and quickly embraced her. Hermione felt safe and her knees gave way once more.

'Ginny help me' she muttered before she collapsed.

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When she came to, she was lying on her back and was covered with a soft blanket. In front of her was a smiling Ginny that was smoothing down her hair 'How are you feeling?' she asked quietly.

'Better' she croaked and tried to assess the damage that asshole had inflicted on her. She tried to restrain the welling in her chest, but the warmth and security she felt after that cold terror was enough to undo her. She began sobbing inside her blanket, trying not to be heard, which was absolutely ridiculous.

Ginny soothed her 'Let it all out. Everything will be okay'

A much heavier voice that sounded very pissed took over 'Who the fuck did this to you?' She opened her eyes and saw Harry's sombre countenance appearing behind his wife with his arms crossed and his eyes cold and calculative.

'Mark' she whispered knowing that there will be no end to his questioning now that he had seen all this.

'Mark?! Why in the name of Merlin?' Ginny frowned.

Hermione closed her eyes 'He knew Ginny, that's why. He knew I was unfaithful,' she forced herself to admit.

'Unfaithful?' Harry tilted his head.

Hermione looked at him as firmly as her deteriorating state could allow 'I was cheating on him Harry.'

'With whom?' Harry asked, the shock clear in his face.

'That's not an appropriate question! Leave her alone. She has just been seriously abused' Ginny chastised him.

'Apparently, and that is why I am here in the form of an Auror. But this woman is also my best friend and knowing her I cannot but be shocked with what she just said. Now do you mind?!' he threw his hands in the air.

'Yes I do!' Ginny retorted angrily.

Hermione appreciated what Ginny was trying to do, but she didn't care at that moment. After what happened with Mark, keeping her relationship to Snape hidden from Harry was the last thing on her mind.

'Ginny, its okay' she reassured her friend and then gazed at Harry 'I was having an affair with someone for almost three months' she said quietly.

'Who?' Harry kneeled in front of the couch and touched her blanket.

'Is it that important for you to know?' she raised her brows.

'Yes' Harry nodded 'You are my friend and I know you. I know that cheating is not your style Mione. What happened? Who dragged you into this mess?' he asked.

'Dragged her!? No one dragged her!' Ginny spat and stood up in pure anger.

'No one dragged me Harry, Ginny is right. I did all this to myself. Actually looking back, I was the one that made the first moves to the other party' she pushed herself and slowly sat up.

Harry kept his insistent stare on her for many brief seconds 'Was it Snape?' he asked finally.

She felt all the blood draining from her face and he noticed.

'I fucking knew it!' Harry snapped and bolted upright.

'Harry…' she tried and felt her eyes welling up with tears.

'I knew it!' he began pacing up and down in front of the cold fireplace.

'Shouldn't we care about that asshole Mark and not Snape?' Ginny said solemnly from the other side of the room.

Harry flared up 'Don't worry, I will take good care of Mark alright.'

'Keep your voice DOWN' Ginny hissed and pointed to the upper floor where their eldest son was playing and their youngest was sleeping.

'I shouldn't have come here, I caused you so much trouble' Hermione said and placed her legs to the floor meaning to get up.

Ginny's hand restrained her 'Have you seen your mess? You are going nowhere!' she commanded.

'What the hell took over you Mione? With Snape? Why!?' Harry turned at her and his eyes were accusing.

'What's the point in all this!?' Ginny retorted heavily.

'That he maybe my father!' Harry growled.

Everyone froze. She felt time slowing to a still. How in the name of Merlin did they all manage to get themselves into such a huge mess? 'I am sorry Harry' she whispered after what seemed like an eternity.

His eyes fell to the floor and his brows creased painfully.

'I am sorry. At the time I didn't think too much, I just followed my heart. Look where that got me. I got punished for everything alright, although I am quite unharmed' she sniffled.

'I wouldn't call you unharmed' Harry looked at her seriously.

'In relation to Mark I am unharmed alright. At least I got all my appendages intact' she felt the first bubbles of a suppressed hysterical laughter starting to form in the pit of her stomach.

'What?' Harry frowned in confusion.

'I cut his fucking ear off' she chuckled.

Ginny shook her head 'You did what?'

'Bit his fucking ear clean off his head,' she felt the hysterics coming quickly.

Harry half smiled half frowned, not knowing how to respond to that.

She pointed at her mouth 'Did you see the blood around my mouth?'

They both nodded.

'Not mine' she harked and then exploded unexpectedly into frenzied laughter, releasing the tension that had build up in her in the most harmless way. Hermione laughed until she had no breath left, replaying the scene were she bit Mark's ear off and remembering his shocked eyes afterwards. Slowly though that scene got replaced by his brutality and then by the image of Severus kicking her out of his life, and that is when her laughter died down and she began sniffling. It took Ginny and Harry a few moments to realise and by then she was sobbing loudly.

'Fucking hell Harry.' Ginny run over and embraced her.

Hermione nodded and grabbed hold of Ginny's lapels needing to empty all her feelings somewhere before she went crazy.

Ginny rubbed her back 'Let it all out,'

'I am sorry, Mione.' Harry rubbed her upper shoulders soothingly.

She nodded unable to stop crying in order to reply to him.

After a long time she finally found the breath needed to speak quietly 'I am sorry too Harry, but it was impossible to control my heart.'

'You love him?' Harry asked gently.

'I do, he doesn't. It matters not anymore. Its over' she wiped her tears away and offered them a bitter smile.

'Care to tell us exactly what happened?' Harry asked patiently.

Hermione drew in a deep breath and explained everything that happened during the summer, elaborating more on what took place the last two days.

In the end Harry nodded and his face looked settled 'The Ministry has a trace on Mark. Don't worry, we'll have him under arrest, soon enough,' he reassured her.

'Please make sure the Ministry places an official ward between him and me, okay?' she shuddered hard.

'That has been done already' he replied firmly.

She drew a deep breath and immediately the sniffles returned. The need to find Severus became stronger than ever. The cold wall he placed between them made her furious and filled her with hopelessness 'I cannot believe what happened,' she muttered.

'It is hard to believe that Mark reacted this way. We all knew him. We were his friends. He never gave any indications that he could become so violent' Ginny reasoned.

'I have been with him for many years. I was about to marry such an abusive beast. Fuck, I am still wearing his ring,' she exclaimed and forced the ring out of her finger so quickly and violently that her skin tore. She threw it with force towards the fireplace. Harry made a move to get it, but she lifted a warning finger at him 'Don't!' she growled and fresh tears run down the side of her nose, staining her lips.

Harry looked back at her 'Its expensive.'

'I don't care! Throw it away, sell it, eat it, do whatever you want with it…the fucking bastard' she cursed and rubbed her chafed finger to soothe it 'Back at the carriage when I was thinking about Severus, I didn't even realise I spoke out loud,' she shook her head angrily.

'Do you have to use his name?' Harry pursed his lips.

'Shall we call him big black ring wraith? Will that make you feel any better?' Ginny spat.

Hermione licked her finger and harked with renewed mirth. She had so much pressure inside that any way out suited her. Crying, laughing or bringing the house down would have been lovely at that moment. She looked up at her friend 'Reading Tolkien much?' she mumbled incoherently and harked again.

'No, you can stop mentioning him' Harry replied.

'How can we? He is part of this mess!' Ginny felt exasperated by Harry's stubbornness.

'Fine!' Harry crossed his arms.

'Harry I was punched almost senseless and avoided rape by a hair's breadth, and you worry about a name?' Hermione frowned.

'You are right, I am sorry' he avoided her insistent stare.

'If I hadn't spoken about Severus, nothing would have happened' she turned towards Ginny and resumed voicing her internal guilt trip.

'Are you seriously blaming yourself for what Mark did?' Ginny sounded angry to say the least.

'Well I proved his suspicions correct. I gave him a reason to attack me,' she flicked her shoulders.

'So what? He could have thrown you out of the carriage, but not use you for a punching bag!' Ginny's voice was heavy.

'I was the one that brought this to myself,' she leaned her head on the back of the couch feeling emotionally wasted and physically exhausted.

'You didn't make him abusive.' Harry said crossly.

'He knew. All this time I thought I was fooling him, but he knew. Why in the name of Merlin did he want me to go with him at his parents house?' she rubbed her forehead.

'Maybe he was hoping that he could make you forget Severus?' Ginny pressed her lips thoughtfully.

'And when he found out that you were still thinking about him, he flipped' Harry said carefully.

'Yet, such mindless hatred, so much violence. I thought he was going to rape me,' Hermione whispered, feeling broken.

Harry swallowed uneasily.

'Don't think about it anymore' Ginny tried to sooth her.

'I cannot stop thinking about it' she shook her head and her eyes overflowed again.

'You have undergone serious abuse. You are in need of rest. I treated the wounds in your body easily, but the wounds in your heart will take much longer to heal. Harry is here to take care of your security. Is there anything else you need from us right now?' Ginny asked gently.

Hermione's heart pinched 'I…Ginny...' a sob escaped her.

'You can tell us. We won't judge you honey' Ginny caressed her hair softly.

'No we won't' Harry agreed.

'I cannot have him,' she wiped her tears off and felt her hands shaking.

Harry sat back and covered his mouth thoughtfully. Ginny raised her brow. Several seconds passed were the silence fell heavy upon all of them. Hermione couldn't stop crying though 'Shall I contact him?' Ginny said when Hermione seemed to have settled somehow.

'What?' her head shot up.

'Snape? You want me to contact him for you?' Ginny offered calmly.

Harry shifted uneasily but said nothing.

'Don't you dare!' she hissed with a passion she thought was extinguished by her misadventures this morning. She felt her throat closing down violently and the sobs exploded from her chest and shook her whole body. She fell in the arms of Ginny and let herself go. She cried for what happened to her, for the pain in her body and for the humiliation she experienced from both men. For the ultimate love she felt in her heart for Severus and for the hate she felt for Mark. For how close her life had come to falling into a dark abyss of an abusive marriage.

Both Ginny and Harry let her empty herself from everything that had taken place these explosive three months. The best and worst three months of her whole life. She took the story from the start to the end and every touch or word made her come apart in Ginny's arms anew. She cried and felt like there was no end to it.

But there was an end, and it came slowly as her sobs began calming down. Her breathing felt clean and deep and her nose completely stuffy. She touched Ginny's wet shirt.

 _Did I cry so much?_

A dry, soft tissue was placed in her hand and she blew with all her force, not caring how rude she sounded. Then she wiped away her eyes, feeling her face on fire.

'Water?' Ginny asked.

She nodded and drank a little, but splattered most of it carefully on her face trying to cool it off 'I am so sorry' she mumbled and blew her nose again.

'Don't,' Ginny smiled kindly.

Hermione smiled sadly and felt disappointed with her life, but above all with herself.

'Shall Harry accompany you back at the school?' Ginny asked.

 _No, Severus might still there!..._

'I just want to sleep here tonight, is that alright?' she tried not to sound as desperate for their hospitality as she felt.

'Of course, you can remain for as long as you want.' Harry smiled at her, but his eyes were equally sad.

'Ginny, Harry, can I ask you another favour?' she looked at them almost pleadingly.

'What is it?' Ginny asked.

'I don't feel ready to go back to the school at the moment. I am on a one month leave. Do you mind if I use your bungalow at Cornwall?' she tried and felt her heart beating hard for their positive answer.

They looked at each other 'You mean the little cottage we bought recently at Boscastle?' Harry frowned.

She nodded and swallowed hard. She really wanted them to accept. She was not ready to either face Minerva nor chance her way across Severus. Giving him one month to leave them forever was ample time she supposed. She also was not in a hurry to answer any questions that would arise about her bruises.

'For the whole month?' Ginny asked.

'I was rather hoping yes. Are you going to be using it?' she asked.

'No no, Harry's job doesn't permit any vacation. Of course you can use it, I just may visit you on some weekends with the kids if that's okay with you' Ginny smiled reassuringly.

'Of course its okay with me' she grasped Ginny's hands 'Thank you! You don't know how much this means to me' she pressed her lips.

Ginny nodded 'I think I do.'

Hermione averted her eyes quickly.

'I wanted to ask you Harry,' she spoke quietly.

'what?' Harry urged her on with a small pat on her back.

'I want you to keep quiet about what happened today' she said feeling her hands numbing down.

Harry frowned silently.

'Do your job and when he is under custody I'll come and make a statement against him. Just try to keep it quiet to the press' her eyes were beseeching.

He nodded slowly 'A much respected request. I wouldn't have spoken to the press Hermione'

She smiled thankfully and cleaned her face.

'I should return at the Ministry. I need to take a look on Mark's magical trail' Harry said after a brief silence that settled down Hermione's worries.

'Thank you' she reached out and squeezed his hand. He embraced her and she felt like a ton of weight was lifted from her shoulders.

'Get some rest and I'll escort you to Boscastle tomorrow myself, okay?' he said.

She nodded.

Ginny gave him a quick kiss and before long he apparated. Some time later the two friends found each other embraced in front of the empty fireplace. Hermione was already dozing off feeling completely wasted.

'Mione?' Ginny asked softly.

She didn't even open her eyes as the heavy slumber that was coming on ordered her to remain exactly as she was at that moment.

'Mmm?' she mumbled.

'Are you sure you don't want me to contact Severus?' Ginny asked carefully.

Her heart complained and her eyes opened up with great difficulty 'He made himself clear. He wants nothing to do with me. I am going to respect that' she whispered.

'I think that you are mistaken somehow, I don't know' Ginny whispered back and caressed her hand 'If he knew what happened, he'd want to be here for you.'

'I don't want him to return out of pity. Don't do anything I will regret, please.' she said and closed her eyes again. The same unbearable feeling of hopelessness fell on her once more.

Ginny remained ominously silent.

'Did you hear me?' she pressed Ginny's hand.

'Yes' Ginny whispered and then pushed her back 'Sleep now. Just sleep' she cooed and Hermione laid her head on the pillow.

The moment she closed her eyes she lost touch with the world. After what happened those two days, this heavy slumber was blessed forgetfulness to her tired soul.

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	35. Chapter 35

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'So what made you work for the side of the light? Lily Evans?' a reporter shoved the magical quill almost up his nostril.

'Lily Potter and it was remorse' he replied evenly.

He had been answering their bombarding questions for a long time, not caring how dizzy he was becoming by their seemingly endless persistence on the same hot topics. Lily's name kept popping up and even though he requested for them to stop, they didn't listen. After a point he gave up and answered abruptly every question about her.

'Many theories have been formed about what happened after the last moments Mr. Potter saw you alive. Your account is the missing link, care to comment?' another reporter asked with a smile that seemed superficial.

'I had created a strong antidote, which I managed to consume within the appropriate time frame. Things just worked out' he replied clinically.

'Just barely, you almost died even if it was seven years after the attack' that reporter seemed to be rejoicing at the failure of Severus. It was expected that the world wanted him to fail. He could grant them this small victory.

'No one is perfect' he rebuked.

The reporter raised his brows critically and scribbled something on his notebook.

'Did you decide to leave immediately after recovering from the attack or did you take time to organise your next moves?'

'Immediately' he replied.

'Why hurry so much? You could have remained until things were more stable after the fall of the Dark Lord' a woman with a very clever countenance said. Many nodded their agreement with her.

'My presence was not needed. My useful functions had already been drained by your world, I had nothing more to offer' his brows creased upon those words.

'But surely you knew that your memories would have caused a massive uprising. A gaping hole that demanded answers from you.' someone pointed out.

He felt his shoulders stiffening 'I never aimed for my memories to acquire such publicity. They were meant to be personal towards Mr. Potter'

'Mr. Potter revealed everything in order to convince the world of your true loyalties. Any comments on that?'

'I still would have opted for privacy' his lips curled up in a disturbed smile.

'Mr. Potter tried to change the world's opinion about you. Don't you appreciate that?'

'Did the world change any opinions?' he gazed at them with burning eyes and a dark brow 'I don't think so. Mr. Potter took away my privacy and that was not appreciated.'

'How do you feel now that so many people know your precious memories?'

'Very much bothered. Mr. Potter with his impulsive decisions, told the world not to forget me' his voice turned dry.

'You wished to be forgotten?' a reporter asked. A frown of confusion was on her pleasant countenance.

'Who'd be want to be remembered by this world?' he frowned thoughtfully, not noticing the woman's eyes turning immensely sad at his words.

'Your memories taught us some valuable lessons though' the same woman rejoined with renewed energy and a need to keep him engaged as he seemed to slowly be drifting away from them.

'Like?' he looked at her.

'That the power of true love is enough to change things for the better' she raised her brows.

His lips turned down in dismissal 'That valuable lesson is as old as the Gods you believe in. The unfortunate revelation of my memories didn't teach you anything that was not already widely known beforehand' he replied coldly, but inside his heart burned up at the memory of Hermione when he spoke those words.

'But the world...' someone began, and Severus felt his nape crawling with sudden anger.

'The world is in need of heroes, but I never applied for the job _._ Next question!' he barked.

'Have you been hiding in the muggle community during all this time?' someone decided to take the questioning at a more productive direction and that surprised him. It was as if they respected his need to avoid that thread, but that couldn't be.

'No, I remained in the wizarding world.' he replied carefully.

'How did you make ends meet?'

'I didn't. I couldn't even provide myself with the basics.' he rubbed his bicep, not feeling at ease discussing his financial failures, but preferring it to talking about more sensitive topics.

'That was the reason you failed to produce the proper Potion for your heart?'

'I worked on it whenever I found a chance, and that was a rare occurrence' he flicked his shoulders.

'So you didn't have the facilities to work on it, even if you wanted to, correct?'

'Yes, precisely'

'Didn't anyone hire you?' a man caught his attention by waving his hand at him.

'Would you employ a rogue* man that's living rough, has no house and no identity?' he raised his brow. (*Just a small tribute to Fantomette34 that has been calling Severus, Rogue.)

'Were you so ashamed of your true identity that you had to keep it hidden at all costs?' the inconsiderate question came from somewhere on his left. He vaguely gazed to that direction, not in any interest to pinpoint the person that spoke.

'More than ashamed, but that wasn't the only reason. I was in desperate need for some privacy. Something that I am still failing to grasp, as you can plainly see' he shook his head towards them, all gathered around breaching his beloved privacy the very moment that he was answering the question. Wanting them to feel the prickly thorns of his words. His brutal honesty was met with confused hesitation from the other side.

'Since you were so decided to remain hidden, what made you return?'

The small hair on his nape stood on end 'I never meant to return. I had some unfinished business to take care of, but unfortunately the ill state of my heart betrayed me before I could leave' he replied rather coldly.

'Loose ends?' the question sounded dryly.

'I will not get into any details. Will that kill you?' he pursed his lips testily.

A man smirked 'More or less' he pointed at the written pages of his magical notebook.

'No skin off _my_ nose' Severus quirked his lips.

'Isn't it rather assuming to take on such an indifferent attitude towards us? Your dark past is not yet forgotten, or will it ever be' a rather pissed off looking man thrust his chin at Severus provocatively.

'I have embraced the darkness of my past, years ago. If I suck up on you people, will the world forget my past? Your words don't faze me,' he responded and his eyebrows entwined heavily.

'What about Dumbledore?' the woman with the clever countenance took over quickly.

'What about him?' he snapped at her.

'No remorse about his death?' she looked at him with an intensity that he felt passing onto his blood.

'Albus fell seriously ill after that curse… I tried to stop it, but I couldn't,' he felt beads of sweat breaking on his forehead.

'Was that reason enough to do him in?' the heavy, but expected question made him shudder.

'And if yes, did it feel good?' Another one bombarded him with words that made his stomach tilt backwards. He began feeling dizzy. His long fingers wiped away some sweat that had trickled down the side of his temple, staining his dark hair.

'Is it that you don't really know, or do you want to see me bend for the sake of your readers? Why would you want to do that? I suppose my answer will not affect any of you personally, so I must conclude that all this negative publicity sales, right? That is why you wanted to question me. You didn't want to learn the truth. You just want to mould up my answers to the expectations of your readers, in order to shock them out of their boring and tranquil lives.' his eyes looked at each and every one of them with enviable steadiness and then he inhaled deeply and tried to calm his drumming heart 'What passed between Albus Dumbledore and me is private and not for public consumption. Next question'

 _Have a heart you asshole…you decided to face them, now finish it!_

'You shouldn't blame us for _your_ mistakes. You are good news, because of the way you led your life in the past' someone's voice intervened angrily. Severus didn't even try to locate the man that spoke. It didn't matter who it was, he was just voicing the thoughts of many people. He was voicing the reasons why Severus wanted to remain hidden for as long as he could. Something that now he couldn't retract without serious consequences.

'You won't get a word, I am not willing to give.' he said firmly.

'We just want to know the truth!' someone else said.

'Then accept the answers I am giving you. Stop asking questions that cannot be answered the way you want them' he snapped.

'Very well then, did you feel any remorse about having to kill Dumbledore, even if it was after his own wishes?' another voice, that sounded collected asked after a brief moment of silence.

Severus felt the world tightening suffocatingly around him and breathed in deep 'I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life,'

'You never wished for so much exposure, have you?' the clever looking lady looked at him sadly and lowered her magical quill and notebook.

He breathed in deeply and gazed her 'Never'

'Do you feel that your abusive family affected your choices in later life?' she asked.

'I prefer to take personal responsibility for my actions and not blame anyone else for my wrong doings. Do you expect me to admit that I am solemnly bad? Are you trying to figure out if I was born this way or if my later years were a direct outcome of my family's abuse? Ah, but I forgot. Nasty little stories of terrifying little family secrets hidden behind thick walls, red eyes, silent mouths frothing with the need to scream and bruised cheeks, sell. Correct?' he asked. No one had apparently expected such brutal honesty from him, because they remained respectfully silent for a couple of moments. Even the ones that didn't like him were muted, by the nightmarish pictures that his blunt words painted for them.

'Continue' he said exhaled, feeling tired to the bone. He looked behind them at the open road and his heart rejoiced timidly at how close real freedom was now. Then his eyes returned at the critical gazes that broke off here and there with few glances of pity. His lips turned down in disappointment.

'How was it working for the Dark Lord?' the question came out of the blue and he visibly flinched away from it.

'I assume you are all well versed in muggle religion?' he pursed his lips.

Everyone nodded.

'It was like working for the devil. He was evil incarnate and nothing was too low for him. He had no emotions or empathy. He was a dark vessel of hatred.' his words were short and felt forced.

'The Death Eaters?' another question followed the moment he stopped.

'If you exclude the ones that had deep mental problems, the rest of us were terrified of him. Unfortunately once you got his mark, there was no way out, but the perpendicular' he said quietly.

'You mean dead?'

He nodded silently.

'You spoke about the ones that were mentally challenged. I suppose you mean Lestrange and Peter Pettigrew? Do you consider yourself mentally stable? You were easy enough to join the Dark Lord like they did, no one forced you' the pointed question came.

'Who told you that I joined Riddle easily? Were you inside my brain? Could you _feel_ what I did when I took that fatal decision? How can you labelled people's feelings so lightly' his brows knitted and no one answered. 'As for the question, I can function relatively well without needing to kill or maim anyone. Also don't compare me to Pettigrew' his lips turned down in disdain.

'How about Lestrange?!' someone cried.

'Delusions of grandeur, bipolar disorder, manic psychosis were few of her personality malfunctions. No, you cannot compare me with her either' he smirked unable to stop himself. What he didn't expect was people responding with a smile of their own.

'When you worked for Riddle, you were his second Lieutenant…' the clever witch stopped at a loss for words and looked at him.

He took over easily 'No one was second or third to Riddle. The notion was not tolerated, but I was close to him, yes' he replied honestly.

'You must have done some bad things to gain this much trust from such a sick mind.' someone mentioned nonchalantly.

'One does not become a Death Eater without having some blood on his hands. Grateful I will always be that my reign of terror to this world didn't last long, but don't expect me to tell you that I was innocent.' he replied with bruising honesty that didn't leave a lot of reporters unaffected. The magical quills wrote each heavy word quickly, placing on paper his confessions for all the world to read.

'People still have a difficulty understanding how well you managed to fool the Dark Lord as to your true loyalties' someone pointed out.

'Riddle for all his breathtaking magical ability, was never a very good Legilimens. No one is perfect' he looked at them firmly.

'Your Occlumency kept you safe all these years?'

'Yes' he replied.

'Are you as good a Legilimens as you are an Occlumens? It was always hypothesised that you could read minds. Can you?'

'If I answer yes, you are going to convince your readers about my amazing mind controlling abilities and about how dangerous I am. If I answer no, you are going to sing praises to my deceptive nature and about how dangerous that makes me to the world. Both answers lead to the same result, so be my guest. Pick one.' he closed his eyes when he spoke then, feeling very tired. Answering such questions served no purpose. They were just baits.

'Very well. Professor, you spoke about closing up some loose ends before. Was the goal of your journey achieved?' someone asked after a brief pause where half the reporters laughed and half frowned angrily at his dismissive attitude.

'No, I am still working on things' he frowned.

 _And getting you off my back is part of that…_

'How did you feel when you woke up in Hogwarts?' someone decided to turn the questioning elsewhere seeing that his responses were levelling any try to pick on his anger and were unable to elicit more spicy replies.

'Deeply unsettled, but Hogwarts and it's Headmistress saved my life and I cannot downgrade their role in all this. I can only thank everyone working there for helping me out' he replied quietly.

'Do you intend to remain this time?'

'I am already on my way out of here. Its only you standing in my way' he offered them a dark lopsided smile and gazed at the road behind them. Several heads turned back to see.

'Haven't you considered that the wizarding world would benefit from your presence?' the bright witch asked with a calm smile.

'I don't really care about the world, I told you before' he replied solemnly.

'Your actions proved that you are here to help us. You have always done so, why not do it again? Why fade away into oblivion?' she frowned.

'I don't see the world in any grave need of help. You live in times of blessed peace and that is also what I seek out for myself. Call that egotistical if you must' he rejoined sharply.

'Your memories reveal an altruistic man of great values' she raised her brows.

He inhaled sharply 'My memories are only a small part of the story that makes me up. Stop spreading frivolities about the true nature of my personality without having a clue of who I really am. Your job is to inform the public of the truth, so stop feeding them with notions of grandeur and second rated fantasies. Leave that to wanna be writers like Rita Skeeter. All that silliness around my name may sell, but does not represent my reality at all'

'Are you as evil now as when you were working under the Dark Lord then? Is thinking of you as the good boy of the neighbourhood a mistake?' someone asked and he flinched.

'I have been harmless to the world ever since I left Riddle, but that doesn't automatically make me your quiet next door neighbour' he pressed his lips testily.

He saw several honest smiles breaking the darkness here and there and he felt surprised.

'Don't let Skitter read that comment' someone pointed out from the back and the honest smiles broke into heartfelt laughter. His lips turned up in a small fearful smile.

'So what are your plans now?'

'No plans. What are yours? Do you intend to follow me around?' he smirked.

'Maybe'

'Yes'

'Sure!'

He nodded knowingly and crossed his arms. He looked towards his dragon hide boots thoughtfully. Of course he was not going to be let off the hook so easily.

'Do you intend to return here one day?'

'No' he felt his chest welling and his eyes burning, when he thought of how much he wanted to get out of the place where Hermione lived and worked. Where she would return with her husband in September. No, he didn't want to come back here, ever. Even though he didn't want to forget one single moment of their time together, he also didn't want to remember anything. The pain was strong and the wounds too fresh.

'You have lived here all your life' someone commented.

'The years I have lived here need to be forgotten. This place has no good memories for me, and the people that are working in it have no good memories _from_ me. I never belonged here' he grumbled feeling torn.

'Nothing to keep you here then?' if nothing else had managed to squeeze his lungs out of breath, then that question did it.

He had not been prepared for such a strong reaction. He heard his inhalation too loud in his ears and his heartbeat echoed through his palms that were rubbing his biceps nervously. He looked around him feeling woozy. He was unable to speak, so he shook his head slightly and felt the blood rushing through his ears.

 _Hermione…_

'What about the Ministry? Do they still have a trace on you?' he shuddered and heard the question from afar.

He shook his head again and swallowed hard. Sweat run down his cheek and turned the curve of his jawline to his neck.

'Professor?' someone said.

'I have not talked with them yet, but if they thought me dangerous I would have been in Azkaban already' he forced himself to say as he tried to shake out of the terrifying trance he got in before.

'Do you have any words for our readers?' the witch with the bright eyes asked him with an almost kind smile.

He heard that question clear as a bell and gazed thoughtfully at the mud that was drying on his boots.

'I want them to leave me alone' he whispered and looked up at them.

He was surprised they heard him and that they remained quiet enough after that declaration so he could continue 'I want the wizarding world to let me go, to forget me' he repeated and his eyes passed from every countenance. Some eyes seemed confused, some sad, some accepting and some angry and dismissive.

'I don't think the world wants to forget you' a fell voice cried from the back.

'I don't care' his brows knitted angrily 'You don't seem to understand that we are talking about my life here. This is about me,' his eyes were unable to hide the fire that was burning inside him at that moment, and he didn't care. Maybe if his honesty could break through their coldness.

'Your precious world gets whatever it needs, correct? Even if that is just the remains of a broken man that has nothing more to offer. I helped you during a dark time. For my own egotistical reasons, to pacify my hellish demons, I tried to help your precious world out of Voldemort's deadly grip. I expect, nor need any heartfelt thank you. This precious and ethical world is so willing to embrace my courage with admiration, but also so quick to bury me and my dark reputation into it's deepest dungeons. It is rushing to humiliate me, as well as praise me. Your precious little world is looking for easy heroes or easy preys. I am not available for either role. I am tired to the bone of being elevated as the ultimate hero or the ultimate villain that managed to fool everyone, Riddle included. My skin is not made of deluxe material. I have done everything I could for your world, and it gave me back little. You took my innermost memories and made a whole industry out of them, now leave me alone. I run away from this world seven years ago, knowing that I am nothing more than merchandise for you. Unfortunately its hard to stop running once you start, and your world hunted me wherever I went. This time I chose to remain and face it. Not in order to feed your curiosity about Lily, Voldemort, the Death Eaters and my ulterior motives. I am not here to feed the hunger of second rated magazines meant to pump adrenaline through the veins of the numb middle class wizards with horrifying stories they will never get to experience. I decided to face you so I can stop running. I need to stop and that can only happen through you' he didn't know were all those words came from. They were not planned, but his honesty brought a heavy blanket of silence around him. Every pair of eyes was watching him so quietly that he could hear his breath loud and clear. The magical quills stopped scribbling mid air and hands lowered their cameras and stopped taking pictures.

'I think it's you that doesn't understand how much our world appreciates your selfless deeds.' Someone spoke quietly. Severus didn't search to find the man that spoke.

He replied to all 'If you do appreciate me, then respect my wishes'

No one spoke.

His brow darkened 'Pick up your paraphernalia and go chase someone else. Grand me my freedom and my privacy. You have picked on me well and good all these years. You have used every single inch of my life and sold it repeatedly to your viewers. I have nothing more to offer. I have nothing new to give. Gods know how many books have already been written about me based on feeble assumptions. Not one of those writers ever asked my opinion on those stories. Apparently my opinion didn't matter as long as they sold well. I was either good use material or good accuse material _,_ but I am neither of those cold calculative verbs. I am just a human being.' he spoke heavily.

No one spoke or moved.

He rubbed his biceps and looked at the clear skies 'I don't know if I should take this silence from you as good or bad, but I will try to take the opportunity you are giving me. I am going to walk away from you. Act according to your conscience. I have nothing more to tell you, nothing new to confess and there is virtually nothing about me you don't already know.'

He looked around him again without much hope, but to his ultimate shock a couple of people from the front backed away from him slowly. As they did, they began pushing their colleagues backwards. In front of his unbelieving eyes a small path was being cleared for him.

 _Are_ _they are letting me go?_ his mind muttered.

Gathering his courage before it failed him, he stepped towards the narrow path and then stopped with a sharp inhalation that send a strong tremor through his spine. The road up ahead was waiting for him. Was it even remotely possible that he was going to walk out of there, through the people he had been avoiding so many years.

His legs took the steps alone, without him putting on any effort. As he passed from the first reporters a heavy hand landed on his shoulder and he felt carved in ice. His jawline tightened painfully and he turned his fiery gaze towards a man that had a smile upon his lips.

'Thank you' the man said.

Severus felt unprecedentedly tucked down. 'What about?' he whispered with a deep crease of disbelief carving his forehead.

'For helping us' the man squeezed his shoulder tightly and then removed his hand.

Words couldn't describe how he felt at that moment. He saw the world closing down a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth and turning it into a melting smile that made his heart beat faster. The same crowd that was ready to eat him up was now thanking him?

A heavy lump formed in his throat and he inhaled deeply, unable to satiate his hunger for oxygen. His head nodded a silent acceptance and he took a couple of more steps down the tight road to freedom. His eyes concentrated at the bright dirt road, at the end of the dark narrow pathway filled with scrutinising stares. After a few more steps, yet another friendly hand landed on his other shoulder and a kind voice spoke those words again 'Thank you'

Another speechless nod from him and by then his heart was drumming uncontrollably in his ears. As he continued to walk steadily through them, even though he felt his knees unlocking on several steps, more and more hands came out of the dark human mass to clasp his hand or touch him in a friendly manner. More and more voices, albeit the gender spoke out timidly, or more courageously the same words over and over.

'Thank you'

He shook any hand that was offered and looked around him bewildered. He saw eyes that seemed shy, others bright and honest and most were smiling. He saw some dark clouded brows in between the bright ones, but they kept away towards the back. Not partaking in this farewell. His throat convulsed with suppressed emotions and he was unable to utter a single word back to them.

When the seemingly endless row of people ended he stopped and turned around. They were all looking at him with a smile. Few hands rose their cameras in the air and waved them in salutation, and a few of them back there remained hidden in the shadows, observing him like hawks. Those were the ones that wouldn't give up on their chase. Those were the ones that still wanted to feed off his bones. That moment he didn't mind them a lot, because the majority allowed him to go and he felt grateful.

He raised his trademark brow and his long fingers touched his forehead in a military salutation. Several hands waved, more smiles brightened previously solemn countenances, and back there again that darkness lingered, reminding him of the old days. Yet, when he saw the crowd he felt his lips upturning into an honest smile, because that darkness had many streaks of light inside it now. That was different, that was something new.

 _Maybe the world isn't the same as you remembered it old boy..._ he thought … _maybe just maybe…there is still..._

'Hope...' he muttered.

When he offered them his back it was as if he was leaving behind him a heavy iron wall. A wall that opened up just barely to allow him passage onto the free world. His pace quickened and his heart followed closely. He was ready to use the chance they gave him and make something out of it.

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Several hours later found him walking on the cobblestones of the Knockturn Alley, holding in his palm tightly a bracelet. He was walking totally uncovered, not wearing any long cloaks on his shoulders, or hoods upon his head. His body posture was straight and decisive as he reached the small shop that foretold one's fortune. People looked at him pointedly, but he was too preoccupied to care. He stopped in front of the door and looked back at the small skull shop across the street. He gazed at the shop owner that chased him away with the broom three months ago. He would have avoided a trip down there, if it wasn't for two things he desperately needed to take care off. One was the coat he was wearing and the other was the bracelet in his palm.

The skull shop owner noticed him and frowned towards the stranger's insistent gaze. Severus turned the handle of the door and entered the fortune teller's shop. The bell rang and notified the owners of the new customer.

 _I don't remember this bell ringing the first time..._ he frowned and as he walked inside the door closed behind him with a dull click.

The threadbare easy chair he had used as a bed that fateful night was in the same place, in front of the glass ball. The fireplace was empty and the grate clean and ready for the rainy days of fall that were approaching fast. The shop still smelled of incense and cedar.

'Merlin all mighty!' the exhalation came from a familiar voice from the kitchen.

'Good afternoon Madame Lina' he bowed at her respectfully.

She was looking at him with a wide smile on her lips 'Sybil! Get down here now!' she cried suddenly and he felt his lips turning up in an equally honest smile of appreciation.

She reached him quickly and without holding on to formalities she grasped his hand and squeezed it tightly. 'Bloody hell son, its so good to see you!' she shook her head.

He reciprocated the warm gesture 'Me too.'

'Not so fearful of being touched anymore?' she asked with a playful smile.

He raised his brow 'No' he mouthed calmly.

She pulled back and checked at him from head to toes. 'You look absolutely dashing! Eons away from the first time I saw you' her brow clouded momentarily, but her pleasant disposition didn't linger. She invited him to take a seat.

'I feel better' he admitted and shook his hand, refusing to take a seat on that threadbare chair. He wasn't going to stay for long anyway.

Lina taking the cue of her guest remained standing and approached him again 'Me and Sybil were both equally relieved to learn that Minerva took you in. Was your health condition as bad as the papers described it?'

'Unfortunately, yes' he pressed his lips, regretfully.

'Can I offer you something to drink?' she asked after a few moments of pleasant, but quiet observation.

'No, thank you' he shook his head and gave her a thankful smile.

'Certain?' she raised her brow 'Not even a glass of water?' she said playfully.

'Quite' he replied with a knowing smirk.

'You don't want to take a seat, you don't want a drink. You appear before me dazzling, handsome and invigorated with no fear for human touch. The exact opposite image of how I came to know you. What caused all these impressive changes in you? You look at least fifteen years younger' she seemed pleased with him, but also very curious.

He felt his heart sinking and remained faithfully silent. He couldn't afford to get sentimental now.

She raised her brow at his silence 'Did someone steal your heart?' she asked finally.

He inhaled patiently and wiped away some perspiration from his top lip 'They stole my heart and afterwards they steeled it' he replied with honesty.

Her lips upturned softly at his word game and she tilted her head in acceptance 'Lucky you then'

He shook his head 'Not really' he said quietly, feeling defeated from his despicable actions towards the woman that steeled him against the world. The woman he send away, for her own good, but in reality because of his own insecurities. She told him it was easier to run away from her than remain and fight for their common future. She had been right. He was a coward. It was easier to run away and drown in sorrow than stand his ground for her, in front of an angry and demanding world. He wanted to think that he did what was best for her, but was that true? His head shook again and felt the sorrow saturating his soul.

'I don't think you are ready to share' Lina said with enviable ease and admirable insight.

'No' he mouthed and looked at his calloused palms thoughtfully.

She looked at him solemnly for a few seconds before Sybil's confused voice disturbed them 'What is it Lina?' she climbed down with heavy steps and appeared through the door as aloof and weird as she had always been. He appreciated her well known goofiness more than he could confess at that moment.

'Come see who came for a visit!' Lina waved at her.

Sybil leaned closer to him and adjusted her huge glasses. Apparently her eyesight was getting worse, because she had to approach really close and smell him. He pulled back and spoke 'Sybil you are too close.'

She yelped and covered her mouth in visible shock 'AH! Its YOU! They are looking for you all over the place. You do know that, don't you? What in the name of Mordred are you doing outside of Hogwarts!?' she exclaimed and then ran to the doors 'We have to lock up now!' she began mumbling as she raised the wards.

Her sister laughed.

'Are you laughing?! This is serious!' Sybil chastised her.

'Sybil its okay' he pressed his lips patiently.

She turned around 'You don't understand. They kept bothering us ever since you returned. Aurors, reporters, our neighbours, laymen, anyone! They cannot see you here again! They will never leave us alone after this!' she exclaimed in anger.

'Give it a rest for a moment, Sybil' Lina's voice became serious with a gravity that took him by surprise 'Don't make such a fuss about this friendly visit' she led Sybil away from the door.

'I mean is he all right now? He could be in need of doctors for all we know. Haven't you been reading the papers?' Sybil turned to Lina, looking very distressed.

Lina looked at him and smirked 'He is right there, why don't you ask him yourself?' she pointed out.

Sybil looked at him with her bug eyes, and adjusted her glasses again 'Are you feeling okay?' she said after a few silent moments of internal debate.

'Very well, how about you?' he was enjoying the way Lina was handling her sister.

'Well, I am feeling somewhat sick lately, but I think my bones are complaining about the upcoming Fall. The morning dew is killing me,' Sybil forgot all about his sudden appearance as she got immersed in her health problems.

'You could use several potions for that' he pointed out quietly, following her cue.

'They are too expensive to buy nowadays' she shrugged him off.

He gave Lina a questioning frown.

'The Ministry of Magic has controlling potion production for the last five years. Prices have gone up. Mary Magdalene hospital is making an effort to provide the poorest people with proper medication in half the prices, but they are getting sabotaged by the Head of Commerce' Lina said offhandedly.

'Maybe I can help you,' he said not really knowing how he was going to do such a thing. He had no means of working on anything. He was not much different now than when he arrived at Hogwarts three months ago. No, that was a lie. This time he had his health and he was ready to do something with his life.

'Gods son, we don't require anything from you!' Lina replied kindly.

'You helped me in my time of need, I will try to repay the favour' he looked at his hands calmly.

'Thank you for the offer. Your willingness to take over our burden is more than enough. Now tell me, did you walk down the street totally uncovered?' Sybil asked with a sweet smile that soothed his heart.

'More or less' he smirked.

'Are you crazy Severus?' she exclaimed.

'Used to be crazy as hell. Old age caught up with me, and I am trying to act with prudence now'

'You call coming all the way out here uncovered prudent? How about the media and the Ministry?' Sybil frowned.

'I'll handle them' he said quietly.

'What a blinding change in you' Lina said with a thoughtful smile.

He huffed.

'So why did you come here?' Sybil interposed.

'That is rude!' her sister pointed out.

'But nevertheless a timely question. I came to bring you back this' he said and took off the long leather coat they had lent him.

'We don't need this anymore. This is yours now' Lina frowned and waved her hand at him.

'Father is dead, and his coat was rotting in the cupboard. It suits you a lot, so keep it!' Sybil offered him a big smile.

'I cannot' he tried.

'It holds no sentimental value for us and when things find new owners they get a second chance in life' Lina raised her brow at him meaningfully.

 _Much like me…_

He sighed and wore the coat again with a thankful smile at the sisters 'Thank you'

'Anything else?' Sybil asked smugly.

He huffed 'I also wanted to thank you for helping me during that fatal night were I blew up the alley.'

'No need to thank us Severus. It is _we_ that should be thanking you for keeping us alive all these years and for doing your difficult job to perfection.' Sybil replied with a seriousness that felt so out of place on her. That made him appreciate her words even more.

''You are a good woman Sybil' he pondered at her with a bemused smile.

'Severus Snape, did you just make me a compliment?' Sybil harked and gazed at her sister playfully.

'Yes' he smiled.

'Take it back, because you are scaring me' she admonished.

'Consider it done' he smiled.

'Will you remain with us tonight?' Lina embraced her sister by the shoulder and looked at him.

'No, I am late already. Could I possibly use your fireplace? Is it registered in the underground network ?' he asked.

'Of course!' Lina walked to the fireplace and took a silver box filled with floo powder.

'Severus, I heard Minerva has a new Divination Professor. Is he good?' Sybil asked as he took the box from Lina's hand.

The only thing he knew about Mark, was that they were adversaries, both claiming the heart of the same woman. 'I really don't know, but few wizards have your crazy streak, which in the subject you are mastering is a requirement. After you I will never see divination again as it deserves' he replied with a wry smile.

Sybil looked at him confused 'Did you just give me a compliment again or an insult?' she asked.

'You told me to stop the sweet nonsense, so its an insult'

Sybil laughed 'This is the Severus I know!' she patted him on the back reassuringly.

Lina looked at him solemnly 'Will you ever return to us?' her eyes seemed honestly sad and in understanding of how things stood with him. Something that Sybil was overlooking because of her wool gathering nature.

'No' he replied and felt his chest tightening.

'That would be a great loss for us' Lina said firmly and grasped his hand.

'I really miss the time when we were colleagues, Severus' Sybil agreed.

'I don't' he tried a sad smile that faded away quickly.

She smiled.

'I really must bid you goodbye' he tightened his hand around Lina's appreciatively 'Thank you for saving me that fateful afternoon from certain death. Thank you for giving me shelter and thank you for never asking more than I could answer' he told her with a frown that was heavy with unsaid emotions, all the more valuable because of his impenetrable outer shell.

Lina pressed his hand 'You are very special my friend.'

He swallowed heavily and turned to Sybil 'Thank you for giving me your father's coat. I will try to care for it. Never try to tame that unearthly ability to give out the most timely prophecies, when people least expect you to do so. It keeps everyone on their toes around you' he said with a soft smile. She pulled him and embraced him with an eagerness that filled his heart with warmth.

'I will miss you, Severus. You were one of the few teachers that never looked down upon me. Don't think I never noticed or that I never appreciated that.' she said with heartfelt honesty.

He pulled back with a reassuring squeeze on her forearm and waved his hand at the fireplace. A hearty fire blazed under the hearth instantly. He took a handful of floo and threw it in the flames that turned green 'Farewell' he looked at them.

They both waved and he saw Sybil wiping a few tears that had gone astray under her heavy glasses. He walked straight into the fire and as the harmless flames enveloped him he called out 'Ministry of Magic', before the vortex of the magical underground network sucked him in.

When he stepped out in the black marble impressive entrance of the Ministry, all the alarms went off simultaneously above his head. Every single trace that had been placed on him got triggered the moment he stepped out of that fireplace. Another circle began creating around him and he saw several elevators coming down quickly from the upper floors. When the doors opened up, Aurors run out towards him with their wands at the ready.

 _Long time, no see…_

He got ready to face another demon of his, not even slightly aware that a broken down Hermione, with a heavily bruised jawline was travelling the very same moment, with a muggle train towards Harry's cottage. Not able to know that the only thought occupying her weeping mind and broken heart was him, as she was unable to know that it was her farewell token in the right pocket of his leather coat, that was giving him the courage to face the world once more.

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A/N: I want to thank each and everyone of you for the reviews and the insight you give to this story. I may not be a very 'chatty' author, but believe me each and every review helps me understand what people liked or not about my stories and that feeds me with a will to continue.

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	36. Chapter 36

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Severus winced bothered at the sound of traffic behind him and cupped his forehead. It was midday and his head was already pounding painfully. He stood absolutely still in front of the house that he had been intending to visit since yesterday, not making an attempt to ring the doorbell.

When he woke up that morning, his mood had been foul and his head very heavy. His eyes were puffed up and their red colour attested that he either suffered from insomnia, or that he had been crying. He winced and leaned his hand on the doorframe. The day before he had been too preoccupied with the reporters and the Ministry to feel the depth of what took place with Hermione, or feel the true devastation of her departure. So last night, when everything else was at least partly settled, he fell asleep in a muggle hotel, thankful to put that nightmarish day behind him. His sleep was light and full of weird dreams, so when he woke up at the break of dawn and he opened up his eyes, his heart screamed in pain. It felt sudden, it was violent and it took his breath away. His chest welled up quickly and tears overflowed his eyes before he could realise what had taken over him. The sharp knife he buried in his heart by sending Hermione away, twisted in every direction, cutting it to threads. The tremendous tension he bottled up since yesterday, in order to function properly, blew it's cork and he couldn't contain himself anymore. The hand that had been choking his throat since yesterday pulled away and let him express his deepest sorrow into the empty maroon walls of his hotel room, with the reddish hue of the breaking dawn passing through a small gap in the heavy curtains.

The need to finish what he started and get the hell out of the wizarding world, became stronger with each tear he shed. He cried for the betrayal that he had seen in her face, he cried for his inhumane words when he was trying to send her away, he cried for her truthful insight about Lily. He cried for Hermione's loss, and for the knowledge that she was better off without him. He cried for his cowardliness towards her, but also for his courage towards the world. He cried for everything that happened in the past and in the present, not wanting to think of what would happen in the future. Hating the fact that it was his inability to provide a future for Hermione, that made him send her away in the first place. He felt confused, in pain, and the desolation was so deep, he felt hopeless. Yet, he couldn't stop now. He started a domino effect that needed to be seen to the end.

When his insistent crying finally abated, the headache that was left behind was blindingly strong. Unfortunately he didn't have the luxury to remain buried under his covers and forget about the world now. He had to see this done today, before he walked out of here once and for all. He pushed himself to dress and walk out of the hotel. He entered the muggle world and rent out a motorbike and then he forced himself to enter a salon where he cut his hair short. The image in the mirror shocked him deeply, because the last time he had seen his face this clear and exposed, was when he was a young boy, still living with his parents. His father always insisted that he kept his hair short, that is why when his parents abandoned him when he was sixteen, he decided not only to lengthen them, but also to have them unkempt. A small victorious rebellion against his father's strict orders.

He rubbed his exposed neck and looked back at the busy street. No one was looking at him. After that haircut, he looked _nothing_ like the dark wizard, with the long hair covering most of his face, in the front page of all the newspapers that people carried under their armpits. The reporters that let him go, had been busy to print his interview in the first edition of the morning papers. He drew his lips in and observed the people rushing to their business, totally ignoring the scrutinising tall man with the crossed black eyebrows and the intense look, that was dressed in black motorcycle clothing. His fingers rubbed his exposed nape once more and he felt the soft breeze of August ruffling through some longer hair strands on his temples. He looked across the street at a small alley where his large motorcycle was hidden away, waiting patiently to take him away from the wizarding world, and onto the muggle.

The renting shop told him that as long as money kept pouring in he could keep the machine for as long as he needed. He winced when he remembered the long dreadful visit at the Ministry yesterday, that procured him the money needed to operate with relative dignity after many years of heavy poverty. Minerva had been mostly correct on her assumptions the other day and he secretly admired her precise insight.

The Aurors led him to the registration desk where he gave his wand and then straight at the office of the Minister of Magic. Shacklebolt offered him a drink and a seat, initiating a rather calm conversation with him. He explained that the Ministry had kept all the traces on him active, not because they wanted to arrest him, but because Severus was valued high in the Ministerial market, according to Kingsley.

When he inquired why that was the case, the Minister honestly admitted that they wanted information about the Death Eaters and Voldemort. They wanted to establish knowledge on the man that singlehandedly redefined the Dark Arts for future reference. No one could do that better than Severus. With him, the Ministry had the opportunity of a lifetime to establish new knowledge about things currently unknown. Furthermore, Kingsley explained that the public demanded a closure to Snape's case. When he asked what kind closure, Shacklebolt surprised him by speaking of honours that needed to be bestowed on him for brave conduct and exceptional war service. Those words silenced Severus, who remained quietly observant of the solemn countenance of the Minister for several moments.

Truly disliking that turn of the conversation, and declaring that he didn't intend to appear in any public event to collect any honours, Severus confronted Kingsley about the Wizengamot. He asked why they wished to expose him when he was in ill state, if they respected him so much. The Minister spoke candidly of his inability to control that formidable judicial system, which always found direct routes to solving any problem as more accurate. In Snape's case, that was to force him out of his hiding place. Severus explained patiently that he didn't want to talk to them and if forced he would flee again, so adequately, that no one would ever be able to dig him out. The Minister was quick to reassure him that if he remained in contact with the Ministry, the Wizengamot wouldn't legally pursue him. Severus raised his brow and asked if that was all, and unsurprisingly Kingsley told him that they also needed his collaboration with everything concerning the Dark Lord's abilities and knowledge in the Dark Arts, as mentioned previously.

Severus fell silent once again, tossing the idea of walking out of there with no deal whatsoever in his mind for several moments. He didn't want to delve back at the darkness that Voldemort surrounded himself with, but this was his only chance to walk away from the wizarding world with his head held high and no one chasing after him. So after a long pause in which the Minister clearly fidgeted with the frills of his sleeves, Severus finally relented. With many regrets, he decided to sell the painful experiences of his life, in exchange for his freedom, but he had two conditions of his own to throw at the table.

Shacklebolt leaned in with obvious interest and gave him the stand to ask whatever he wished. He felt guilt in using people this way, but hadn't they done the same in order to bring Riddle down? Feeling his brows creasing deeply he asked for money and left that sentence linger long enough to observe the slow shift on the Minister's face. When he felt the confusion settling deeply in the Minister's countenance, he cleared up his act and revealed that he didn't want payment for his knowledge of the Dark Arts. That was going to be given in exchange for his freedom. He simply needed help to sell his house at Spinner's End, in the town of Cokeworth. He needed any amount of money that could come out of that pathetic relic.

Shacklebolt's confusion cleared up and a calm smile covered his lips as he benignly reassured his dark interlocutor that the Ministry of Magic was going to procure his house at any price Snape required. If nothing else had shocked Severus into paleness, then the easiness with which Kingsley drew away that heavy burden from his shoulders, did the trick.

Kingsley had to repeat the question and Severus offered a moderate price with a heart drumming in his ears anxiously. The Minister smugly offered him more and Severus frowned trying not to feel bothered by something that should have made him immensely happy. Shacklebolt saw his mood turning darker and hurried to explain that the Cultural department had their eyes on his house for several years now. They wanted to turn it into a modern museum dedicated on the second wizarding war.

Severus remembered abhorred the dirty bricks of the dark abode of his youth, filled with violence and despair, turning into a tribute for the fallen of the war. He couldn't make the shift, but he agreed more than willingly. It didn't matter if that house was turned into a pile of mud or a grant museum. He just wanted it out of his hands, out of his life and out of his memories. The money the Minister offered was very respectable and would enable him to buy a smaller house, somewhere far away from that grey, dirty and lifeless street.

When they signed the papers for the house, Severus reminded the Minister about the second condition. Kingsley shook his hand elegantly for him to continue, but his smile faded away as Severus asked him boldly to stop manipulating the potion industry and to allow the Mary Magdalene hospital to produce and sell their own medication at half the prices. The Minister's pleasant countenance shifted angrily and he forbade Severus to blackmail already voted Ministerial policies.

Severus insisted unfazed, that in order to give them his knowledge, the Ministry would have to withdraw from the monopoly on Potions. He was mad that his art was being so badly misused for money. When the Minister tried to excuse these policies, by reminding Severus that skilled Potioneers were hard to find, Snape scoffed. He knew all too well how time related Potions were and what kind of skill was necessary. Things were not nearly as bad as the Ministry was telling the public. After a long debate and even longer silences from both parties, Kingsley reluctantly agreed to remove the Ministry from the Monopoly and allow Mary Magdalene to hold it's own weight, if it was able to procure the ingredients needed for the medication themselves and not buy them from the Ministry.

On that and with more plans in mind for that hospital Severus grasped Kingsley's hand and shook it firmly. The Minister asked him eagerly when he was available to start working for them. Severus quietly required a couple of months to travel and find a place to settle. When that would be feasible, he would establish a direct line with the Ministry and he would start working immediately. The agreement was quick and the new papers were signed in a hurry, before Snape could change his mind.

When he left the Ministry he had a big fat check for his house and no one was standing in his way out. He reclaimed his wand from the registry and went to cash out his wizarding money, which he converted into Muggle immediately. He found a hotel and passed out until this morning.

He looked back at the identical houses of Claremont Square and shuddered. A few moments that seemed to be dragging out passed before he found the courage to lift his hand and ring the doorbell. In slight apprehension he felt the house rejecting him for touching it. It didn't want him there, but he didn't want to be there either. He only wanted the ones living inside.

When the door opened up finally he looked at the man that stood there testily. The unruly hair was still covering the mark of the Dark Lord on Potter's forehead and his glasses were still askew. He felt his stomach tightening, unwilling to follow him into the house and into that formidable conversation.

Potter's eyes grew large and his mouth dropped open.

'Close your mouth and invite me in. I don't want unnecessary attention' he bit.

Harry paled 'Snape?' his name was barely recognisable inside that guttural mumble.

'In the flesh. Now may I come in? Your presence by the door is drawing attention upon both of us' he pressed his lips angrily and his head tilted back to the street.

'What are you doing here?' Harry asked visibly shocked into a statue.

'Stupid question considering that you have been seeking me since I returned, now do you _mind!?'_ he pointed out towards the street, where several people were gawking at them.

Harry's eyes gazed above Snape's shoulder and that snapped him out of his stupor 'Of course, do come in please' he made way for him to pass.

Severus felt relieved as he stepped inside, but that was short lived. The semi transparent form of Albus rose up from the carpet and began advancing toward him in slow deliberate steps. He paled and took a step backwards, momentarily thrown off his tracks. Potter stepped in and said 'KILL' in a loud voice that resounded into the corridor and outside the door. The dusty image of Albus disintegrated back to the floor.

Severus raised a testy brow 'You kept this ward on me all these years?'

'Professor, it was not as if I was expecting you by my door' Harry straightened 'I forgot it was still here in the first place. I am sorry. Please do come in' he raised his hand invitingly towards the living room.

Just as he was about to answer he saw a red headed woman walking down the stairs holding a small baby in her arms.

'Why was Moody's ward activated Harry?' she asked, but her eyes fell quickly to the tall man occupying imposingly their corridor and she froze 'Oh Gods' she muttered.

'Forgive the inconvenience Mrs. Potter, but I needed to have a word with your husband' he said formally.

She shook herself and walked over at him with an outstretched hand 'No inconvenience Professor. It is our pleasure to have you here and do call me Ginny' she shook his hand with a smile.

W _ell she is obviously the cool head of the family..._ he thought dryly.

She presented him with her baby and said with a proud smile 'This is Albus-Severus.'

It was difficult to retain his calm on those words. He frowned at her and then at the baby, which could barely see the dark haired man scrutinising it so thoroughly. Then he turned at Potter and opened his mouth.

Harry bit his lips and checked on his shoes with great interest.

Snape decided that it was best to let this one go. He shook his head and snapped his mouth shut. Seeing the dusty ghost of Albus walking at him so accusingly and hearing the word 'kill' deactivating the ward, had felt less intrusive than this baby bearing his name.

Ginny bit her lower lip and seeing that neither her husband, nor the enigmatic Professor were willing to speak to the sleeping baby she decided to release the awkwardness of the situation 'Harry have you offered the Professor something to drink? Please don't stand, take a seat' she offered politely.

'I was doing that already Ginny,' Harry bit.

'Okay honey. Please take care to deactivate this useless ward, it almost gave me a heart attack. Excuse me while I put the baby at his cot Professor' she smiled sweetly at him.

'By all means' he said quietly and gazed at her climbing up the steps carefully.

'Do you want anything to drink Professor?' Harry's voice drew his attention from mother and son.

'No, no. Just a quick word with you Mr. Potter' he shook his head and his long fingers unzipped his heavy jacket. His headache had gotten a severe boost to hell by Moody's damned ward and the baby that had the misfortune to share his name. He just wanted to finish this, not enjoy in any pleasantries.

'I am all yours Professor.' Potter sat down and so did he.

After a brief silent moment where Severus gazed intensely at his calloused palms, Harry decided to speak. 'You look very well. How are you feeling?'

'Rather well' he gazed up at Harry.

'Your heart is completely healed then?' Harry continued.

'I am in the road to recovery' he pressed his lips.

Harry smiled and rubbed his temple nervously 'I am sorry for seeming so inattentive, but I didn't expect to see you on my doorstep.'

Severus huffed indignantly 'Give me some credit young man. My name is all over the headlines this morning and if that is not enough to inform you about what happened outside Hogwarts yesterday, then the alarms that got triggered when I set foot at the Ministry _must_ have reached you. You are still an Auror, aren't you?'

Harry didn't answer. He stood up quickly and poured himself a glass of firewhiskey from the small bar he had close to the window 'To your health.' he offered at the general direction of Severus.

Snape observed the nervous young man and remembered the terrifying words of Hermione 'To the prosperity of your household Mr. Potter' he inclined his head formally.

Harry nodded and swallowed boldly half the glass before wincing and placing it down carefully 'Thank you'

'What did Kingsley do to keep you away from me yesterday?' Severus resumed calmly.

Harry guffawed 'He threatened my job'

'So what was your plan? Escape the Minister's Hawk eye and pursue me?'

'I would have tried and most likely would have failed. You are not the easiest wizard to tailgate' Harry smiled sadly.

'You must have known that I was going to come see you Mr. Potter' he frowned slightly.

Harry swallowed hard 'Why Professor?'

'They told me you wanted to talk to me. So here I am at your disposal' he raised his brow.

Harry looked at him with an intensity that made him rather nervous for several seconds. Then as if unable to handle the steady and open look that Severus was giving him he paced nervously in front of the fireplace a couple of times 'This is very hard for me. Last time we talked, you bled in my hands and before you passed out you told me how much my eyes resembled my mother's…' Harry stopped mid sentence and inhaled deeply.

'Those times were rather hard on all of us. I wouldn't linger long on them' he tried to lighten up the tone, but Harry didn't allow him.

'All my problems derive from that fatal day. I cannot move on, don't you see?' Harry turned his back at Severus deliberately.

'Explain to me exactly what is the problem' Severus asked patiently.

'The problem is what your memories revealed about you and my mother…' Harry whispered and his shoulders slouched after that heavy revelation.

Heavy silence fell between them. Severus knew he had to make an effort. He cleared his throat and stood up 'Mr. Potter, during those muddy moments my mind couldn't function properly. I was desperate to give you the information you needed to defeat Voldemort. Even if I found enough air through my tore throat to speak to you, you wouldn't have believed me. You had to peek into my mind. Strange as it may sound now, I never wanted to show you as much as I did. Unfortunately I was unable to control what left my head. The personal details of my memories were never meant for your eyes, nor for the public.' he stopped and inhaled with the need to gather his thoughts. He wanted to sound neutral and firm, but it was a difficult task to take on a grey tinge, when the aura around you is pulsating red.

Harry gazed at him with an intensity that run through his spine.

Severus knew he had to continue. This was the reason he had come to this house after all 'Before death, I wished only for one thing' he said carefully.

'What?' Harry whispered.

His lips curled up into a bitter smile that reached his eyes 'To look at the eyes of the woman I loved' he replied quietly.

The air around them felt electrified and the silence was tense. Harry's eyes watered 'I know'

'You found out, rather unceremoniously, that I loved your mother and you made that personal detail public,' he tried not to sound accusing.

Harry raised his hand quickly 'Professor I wanted to show the world your true loyalties. It was the _least_ I could do to repay you for keeping me alive all these years'

 _That must be so hard for him..._

His long fingers run through several long strands in front of his forehead 'I was only doing my job. The reasons behind my actions shouldn't matter to you' he tried to ground his voice and his feelings as this conversation was becoming too personal for him.

'But it does! More than you can image!' Harry exclaimed with a force that shook him.

His brow darkened 'Why does it matter? I was not the only one in love with your mother. She was a very beautiful and charismatic woman' he replied with honesty.

'None sacrificed their lives for her, or for her son. Not even my,' Harry searched for words with lost eyes.

Severus waited patiently.

'Not even my father' Harry whispered and his face became livid.

'Careful Mr. Potter. You are giving this more weight than it can pull' he frowned.

'You don't understand,' Harry tried to compose himself.

Severus observed him silently.

'I don't think my father loved my mother as much as you did' Harry said finally with an innocence that shook Severus's foundations.

Silence covered the room and Severus swallowed heavily 'Immature assumptions. I am rather disappointed in you' his brows knitted with an austerity that was lost in Harry's back.

'I even think my mother loved you more than my father' Harry forced himself to mumble and Severus was surprised that he made out those half eaten words.

'Great imagination Mr. Potter. You should have become an author, not an Auror' he huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose truly bothered.

'I mean every word I am saying! ' Harry's voice sounded haunted.

'I am sure you do, but you are deceiving yourself' he said firmly and glared at the boy's back.

Another pause that was laced with heavy velvet. He could hear the dutiful ticking of the clock behind him rattling his nerves. Their eyes were locked in a silent battle of will. No one withdrew their gaze and none spoke. After what felt like an eternity and the ticking of the clock felt like a ticking bomb waiting to blow the room apart, Severus decided to make an honest effort 'Potter ask me and let's get over whatever hell this is!' his velvety voice drew abnormally inside the silent room.

Several silent seconds rolled by and Severus felt an insane itch to ask the question and answer it himself, when Harry broke his silence 'Are you my father?'

The haunted look in Potter's eyes made him linger, understanding how important all this was to him 'Gods, no! Is that what you thought?' he spoke quietly.

Harry's reaction was immediate. His shoulders deflated and he leaned his hands above his knees, almost out of breath 'Fucking hell...' he doubled down, and that is when Mrs. Potter ran into the room and embraced him.

'Are you okay darling?' she asked.

He nodded quickly and tried to push her away 'Yes'

'That is what you thought? That I was your father _?'_ he frowned deeply and ignored Potter's wife. This was between him and the boy who lived.

Harry pulled himself away from her and reached him in three strides 'Yes I did, it was the only thing that made sense to me!' he spat.

'It made sense that your mother was an infidel?' Severus asked with obvious revulsion.

'It was the only way I could explain your actions. All you did for me, could have been easily explained if I was your…' Harry's eyes streamed with tears and he stopped mid sentence and tried to catch his breath.

'...son' Severus finished with a nod 'I acted out of love for her and out of guilt for her death. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't act the way I did, because you are my son. I wanted to gain the forgiveness of your mother and make her understand that I loved her deeply.' he stopped and sighed deeply. 'Your mother was not infidel. She and James loved each other very much and had a good life together. You should feel blessed.' he finished, feeling his bones aching.

Harry was looking at him with complete devotion 'Thank you so much' he whispered.

Severus shook his head dismissively and closed his eyes. He was not after Potter's gratitude.

'Thank you for everything you did for me. Thank you for being so honest with me today and for not making me suffer too long.' Harry felt unable to form words as the welling in his chest was choking him.

'Let go of the past and the past shall let go of you. There are no bones hidden in your closet. At least not from me.' Severus said with a forlorn voice.

'Your precious memories of the love you had for my mother, shall forever be branded into my heart. Thank you for everything' Harry muttered and his knuckles went white. Ginny's hands cupped his fists and caressed him gently.

Severus nodded and swallowed heavily 'Since we cleared up that bloody nightmare, look at me Mr. Potter, because I need to give you something of great importance' he spoke with gravity.

'What?' Harry's brows knitted.

'Something that belongs to you now' he reached inside his pocket. His fingers slid between the golden chain and brought out Lily's bracelet.

'What is this?' Harry leaned towards it instinctively.

Severus squeezed it one last time, trying to remember the moment that Lily gave it to him many years ago. When their youth was still unstained and there soul undamaged from the darkness that was to come. When their hands touched in a different life altogether. To his ultimate surprise that memory got overshadowed by the bright eyes of Hermione. He inhaled deeply and felt his heart crying in deep sadness. This bracelet didn't belong to him anymore. Almost grateful for that blessed freedom he put it down at the table gently and gazed up at Potter. With a brief smile he pushed it towards him.

Potter caught it 'Whose is this?' he asked.

'It belonged to your mother. Now it's yours,' Severus smiled gently and felt his eyes warm and stinging.

Harry squeezed the bracelet in his tight fist painfully 'This belonged to my mom?' he whispered.

'A childhood token she shared with me, back in our younger days' he explained offhandedly.

'If this was a token of love you shouldn't be giving it out' Ginny frowned.

 _Expect a woman to notice such things..._

'I am sure Lily has already appreciated the fact that I am giving it to her son' he replied calmly and remembered the grateful countenance of the ghosts of Lily and James when he took the bracelet from the grave and informed them of the new owner.

Harry was crying silently and the bracelet was held close to his chest 'Thank you' he kept repeating.

Severus understood the emotional turmoil of the young man and decided that he shouldn't impose himself anymore. His job here was done. Potter's nightmare was laid to rest. He stood up and zipped his jacket as his feet carried him heavily towards the door.

'Where are you going?!' it was Ginny's voice that stopped him when he opened it. Rain was falling heavy and the sky was dark.

'I am leaving Mrs. Potter' he replied.

'Leaving? Just like that?' she looked rather anxious about something.

'What more do you want from me? I think that your husband's worries are over and I gave him everything I held sacred from his mother apart from my memories. My job here is done' he frowned at her.

'I am not talking about Harry. I will forever be grateful for what you have done for him. I am talking about you. Where are you going?' she asked as he walked out to the doorstep unfazed .

He looked towards the heavy clouds 'That is of no concern of yours' he replied and made a move towards the steps.

'Wait!' she grabbed his upper arm with a force that made him pause. He turned to her more confused than bothered.

'This is hardly appropriate' he said coldly.

'What _you_ are doing is inappropriate! What is going on inside that brilliant head of yours Professor, tell me! What are you doing _?!'_ she sounded accusing.

'What the hell are you talking about!?' he asked angrily.

'I am talking about _Hermione_ ' she hissed between her teeth.

It was as if someone slapped him hard and she saw the reaction clearly 'Don't looked so shocked. Hermione is my best friend Professor. I know everything,' she released his arm.

The initial shock got washed away in a wave of embarrassment. At that moment a thunder fell in the distance and the rain became harder. He looked behind her, where Potter stood with the precious bracelet of his mother clutched in his hand.

'I don't care what you know' he spoke coldly, but his heart was drumming in his ears and he was not making a move towards the steps.

'Professor you destroyed everything,' she almost spat to his face, this time in clear accusation.

His eyes pierced her angrily and his lips thinned. His mouth opened up intending to send her to hell, but he closed it with force, felling his jawline grinding.

'You are running away again, aren't you?' she asked.

'No, I am walking away' he rebuked.

'How can we contact you if the need arises?' she asked and a crease of worry covered her brows.

'You won't be able to' he replied quietly, only then realising how final his decision was.

She nodded exasperated 'You are leaving torn hearts behind. Don't you care?!'

He shook his head 'You don't understand. I cannot stay…' he whispered.

'Why can't you!?' she pressed her lips and her fingers touched his upper chest.

He drew back 'Mrs. Potter please...' he didn't know what else to tell her.

'Hermione…she...you don't understand. She...' Ginny groaned and fisted her forehead in frustration 'She swore me to secrecy. I cannot reveal anything, but I will beg you to stay!' her pleading voice gave him pause.

'I am leaving the wizarding world Mrs. Potter and that is final' he forced himself to say.

She smiled sadly and her eyes watered 'Was it so difficult to be? You are so different from each other, but was it? She is a child of light and you are an endless storm' she looked at him with desolation in her eyes.

'Don't…' his stony features broke.

'I can only say that she needs you. She needs you and you leaving her forever' she murmured grimly.

'Your words have no power here. Only her words have,' he pressed his lips.

'She won't speak to you after the despicable way you treated her and I don't blame her. But I am not tied down by my egotism. I can yell at your face that she needs you!' Ginny cried in frustration.

A cold hand squeezed all the air out of his lungs 'Let your friend decide what she needs on her own Mrs. Potter' he warned.

'Let her make haste decisions based on lies from you? On things you told her that you probably didn't mean? On her panic? She cannot see things clearly and neither can you' Ginny said firmly.

'And you can...great,' he pushed her and walked into the rain.

'Don't leave' her desperate voice stopped him again 'She really needs you,'

'No, she doesn't. A child of light cannot benefit from an endless storm. Let me go please, Mrs. Potter' he felt his body suddenly giving up. As if someone took their foot away from the gas pedal and his engine began slowing down. He felt empty of any real strength to fight with anyone.

After a few tense moments Ginny nodded 'If Hermione couldn't keep you here, no one will be able to do so. Much less me. Be aware that serious things have happened that only she can reveal to you. In order for that to happen, you have to reach out to her, because it was you that pushed her away' she spoke with honesty.

'I will bear that in mind, now goodbye Mrs. Potter' he replied and walked straight into the street feeling the water drenching him.

Her voice stopped him once more 'Professor!'

He unwillingly turned, even though the enigmatic words of this woman had bled anew the deep wounds of his heart.

'You know our address. If you ever settle down and you want to have some news from Hermione send me an owl with your new address. it is all up to you now...' she pleaded and her voice broke.

He shook his head in denial and the water blurred his eyesight more than the real tears that were running.

'Please! At least tell me that you will think about it,' she got down a few steps and rain run down her face 'Give us a line of contact for Hermione's sake. _.._ please'

How weird was it that he had been able to hear those last words in the midst of the heavy rainfall and several steps away from her. His heart's frantic rhythm was overpowering all other noises. His eyes burned from the tears and he felt many answers rising to his throat, but none came out for several moments. Finally his burning gaze penetrated her beseeching eyes and he spoke softly 'I am sorry.' Then he turned around and ran into the alley where his motorbike was hidden away from prying eyes.

Ginny stood there getting drenched by the rain, her eyes streaming down her cheeks and neck. Unable to stop thinking how much love those two were wasting. When the rain stopped beating on her forehead she wiped away her burning face.

Harry held the umbrella above both of them 'I heard everything' he muttered. His mom's bracelet was still held tight in his fist.

Ginny embraced him and shook her head disappointed 'They cannot be together'

'It was difficult. Hermione swore you to secrecy and we both know how stubborn she can get. You did everything you could, with two very difficult people' he tried to comfort her.

Another pause from her and then fresh tears 'He was crying…' she trailed off.

Harry looked towards the alley.

She nodded as if answering to herself 'Yes, he was crying, right there in front of me, standing in the rain. He was crying for her, Harry. He loves her' she whispered observing the darkness of the alley.

Harry nodded and squeezed the bracelet in his hand 'I know' he murmured and they embraced each other tenderly.

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	37. Chapter 37

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 **One month later (Early days of September)**

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Hermione gazed at the newspaper stand and watered her lips. She reached out and took the morning edition in her hands embarrassed to look so needy in front of strangers.

'That will be one forty Madame' the seller pointed out when she opened it up without making any attempts to pay for it.

Her eyes flickered up, momentarily confused 'Yes, of course, wait,' she reached in the pocket of her raincoat and brought up some change. She offered her open palm to the seller and he winced, bothered that he had to count the money himself.

'Thank you' he said half heartedly when he sorted her change out.

She nodded absently and tucked the paper under her armpit. She walked slowly the main road of the village that led down to the small pier. During full tide, the river filled up the small corniche and the fishing boats floated idly for several hours. Letting the saunterer enjoy the serene splashing of the water. When the sun downed low tide would slowly draw back the waters, revealing a muddy sea bed full of molluscs, and the small fish boats would end up resting on their sides, looking as abandoned and lonely as she felt inside. She had created a proper ritual during her days there. Buy the morning edition, get a cup of coffee and occupy a bench in front of the boats till noon. Then she returned to Harry's cottage, cooked something easy and sometimes skipped lunches in favour of a long midday nap. Afternoon found her cleaning out Ginny's small garden and getting acquainted with an elderly woman next door that brewed amazing tea and baked incredible biscuits.

Late evening always found her musing darkly on the resting fishing boats and feeling her stomach sinking slowly in despair. Her face that had been controlled in formal pleasantries all day long, at night emptied out and her eyes became haunted. Then she would return with heavy deliberate steps to Harry's cottage and try to sleep, missing on most dinners. Even though sleep during noon was easy on her and much needed, sleep during the night was almost impossible and ended up with her haunting the house like a ghoul from hell. Returning to her newspapers and going through them again and again until her eyes were stinging from fatigue. Only during the small hours before the break of dawn would her tired body give up and let her rest sitting upright in some easy chair or lying face down upon the newspapers.

When she woke up next morning her face was etched in lines of worry, her eyes bore dark circles and her obvious weight loss was making her look far older than her real age. She felt used, inside out and she was unable to hide it.

Her vacation in this serene village, dragged out long and hard. Her loneliness and the inability to confide to anyone, was pulling her slowly into depression. The worst thing was that she had no idea that she was withering under the dark shadow that lingered above her like an ominous cloud. She thought she was tired of everything that happened during the last months and all she needed was some time off.

That morning she religiously followed the familiar route and ended up on a bench overlooking the fishing boats. Her hands opened up the newspaper on page four and began shaking. Her heart missed several beats when she saw his face again in another article detailing his life. Usually the photographers chose older picture from his school days, but this one was the most recent. The one they took outside the gates of Hogwarts, with his hair flowing around his dark eyes dramatically and his sleeve pulled back to reveal his dark mark. She looked at his intense stare that was commanding her in silence to look at him. She winced and her lips curled up in disdain. Was he as imposing in this picture as her mind was telling her, or was being in love doing nasty things to her perception? When she felt the welling of tears, she drew in a deep breath and tried to stop another emotional breakdown that was sure to ignite her insomnia later that evening.

She was trying to help herself, but she kept failing. She took time off to get over Mark and Severus. She managed the first part easily, but the second was making her life miserable. There hadn't been one bloody day during this month, were she hadn't thought of him. Unfortunately every thought of him was followed by uncontrollable crying, more loss of appetite and even less sleep. Her heart was unable to accept the loss of his love. A love that faded into darkness, because she had been unable to make him love her back. She hated the fact that she was still deeply in love with a man that apparently used her and then abused her verbally. Finally she hated her weakness and her inability to let go of him. It was over. Everything was finished. A month had gone by and he made no attempts to contact her. She couldn't understand that breaking up, felt like a small death. That she needed to go through every stage of grieving before her soul finally felt strong enough to let him go. She wanted it done here and now.

 _Time, I need time…_ she tried to convince herself.

She knew that time could fix everything, but during those long sleepless nights that thought was not so comforting. It was driving her mad and breaking her apart. The emotional tornado that went through her during the last four months had made her come undone. She felt a single tear cascading down the side of her nose and hanging from it's edge, not deciding to fall on her lips and disintegrate into nothing. His burning black eyes pierced through her torn armour easily and made her stomach twist painfully. He seemed to be whispering into her mind.

 _Look at me..._

 _I am looking at you. I cannot stop doing that…_ she thought and a fresh bout of tears came that made that single tear fall off her nose finally. She let them stain her face, uncaring of who was looking at her. Here she was a stranger among strangers. She didn't mind looking weak and dishevelled.

It wasn't as if life was letting her forget him easily. He had been headlines for two weeks straight and the remaining two an article about him was occupying the second to third page of every newspaper, daily. She read about his impressive exit from Hogwarts and after that she didn't miss on a single newspaper that spoke about him. Indeed the pride she felt when he handled something so difficult, that easily, was overpowered by the despair of their ultimate separation. She wondered what made him face his most terrifying demons at first. In the end she decided that his reasons mattered not. He was claiming his freedom, and that on it's own was wonderful.

Every article she read, she folded into perfect squares and kept it at the side of the kitchen table, instead of throwing it in the bin. Slowly that pile began growing taller and by the end of two weeks she had more than twenty articles piling up. She knocked them off the table with her long loose shirts a couple of times, before deciding that it would be better to keep them in a scrapbook of some kind. She called Ginny one evening at the fireplace and asked if she could use an old empty album for a personal project. Ginny waved her off and told her to do whatever she wished. So Hermione one of those sleepless and haunted evenings, under the light of a single candle in the dark kitchen, began creating a scrapbook dedicated to him. Sipping warm tea and listening to the crickets singing outside her open window she picked up article after article. Straightened their creases and placed them on the album pages one by one. Without magic. Using her fingers and some muggle glue. When she finished with the articles, she embellished the cover with a few shells she had retrieved from the muddy sea bed during low tide. When some mornings, under the fresh light of the new sun she looked at her creation, she wondered what made her create this sad abomination.

 _It makes me feel better..._

This scrapbook was filling up the huge void he left behind when he decided to leave the wizarding world once and for all, for destinations unknown. No one had any news from him, or for him. The last bit of news came from the Ministry as an official announcement that Professor Snape was working for them now, but was not residing in England. What kind of deal was struck between them remained a mystery to everyone and was not leaked at the Press. When she read that article her fingers numbed down and her stomach dropped into icy water. That night she didn't sleep at all. Not even at the break of dawn from exhaustion. Her mind tried to draw routes around the world, to his possible new abode. Everything outside England seemed too extreme for the dark, brooding but always prudent Professor. Her mind took her away into magical rides all over the world. In Asia, Africa, South America, even Russia. She tried to feel a place suiting him more than home and failed. She always failed and then tears stained her face again and she felt mad at herself for taking precious time off gardening to muse about his whereabouts.

Apart from that foreboding article that bespoke of his final departure, Ginny gave her the last bit of informal news about him. She described at Hermione exactly what Snape did for Harry before leaving. He appeared in front of her friend, without any fear or remorse about the past and cleared up Harry's questions. That gallant behaviour picked on many sensitive strings of her already broken heart. He denied to reveal Hermione's involvement in Harry's case. He protected her as much as he did when that embarrassing event took place between them at the hospital. When Ginny told her that Severus gave Harry, Lily's token, her heart rejoiced and flared up with a small spark of hope, which was ruthlessly crushed under Ginny's following words.

She shouldn't have been so surprised when he denied to reach out to her. She was more than unwilling to reach out to him after that despicable way he treated her also, but the disappointment was palpable. Ginny told her that he was crying when he refused any further involvement, but Hermione pushed that painful information to the back of her mind and told Ginny that it was for the best. Feeling partially grateful that her best friend kept her secrets, and at the same moment desperate for those secrets to come out from someone. Needing to see his reactions to her troubles, but not wanting him to come back from pity. The conversation with Ginny pained her so deeply that her emotions found defensive ground in anger. She bashed Ginny's tries to reason with her and commanded her to keep away from him. Ginny shook her head in despair and whispered 'I don't know where to find him anyway my darling. I don't think he is in the wizarding world anymore'. Hermione knew Ginny was right and to her chagrin, even if she wanted to find out where he was, it would simply be impossible. Ginny begged her to return so they may try to find out where he went together. Hermione refused point blank. She was not ready to beg for the attention of a man that wanted nothing to do with her. Some threads of dignity were still hanging from her threadbare existence. Ginny looked at her with sad eyes full of disappointment.

'You are so mistaken about him,'

Hermione extinguished the floo connection without an answer and hollered all the way to the bathroom where she threw up the few fruits she had consumed. Then she dragged her wasted body into the bed where she cried for another hour, before passing out from exhaustion.

After that she never spoke to Ginny about Severus. Unfortunately with each passing day she couldn't help but regret how easily this imposing man came into her life like a hurricane, swept her off her feet, redefined love for her, and then slipped through her fingers like fog.

She felt the wet breeze of the first days of September ruffling up her long hair and her eyes gazed at the boats floating, as they slowly dried from their tears.

 _I am going to keep on trying until I manage to get over this…_ she thought and her brows creased thoughtfully.

Today she passed most of her morning packing up her few things. Then she cleaned the small cottage from top to bottom and watered the beautifully arranged garden. She baked some cookies of her own and took them to Mrs. Elena, her neighbour and they enjoyed their tea together. Tomorrow she was going to apparate in front of the heavy gates of Hogwarts, to resume her post as Potion Mistress. Maybe returning back to the school curriculum and the everyday routine of teaching, would help her. In this cute village she was doing nothing apart from keeping vigilance to his memories. Idle hands are the devil's workshop, her mother used to say. Going back would surely help get her mind off the past. She needed to concentrate on her work and she intended to do that thoroughly.

Minerva informed her that Mark had been fired and to everyone's surprise Sybil Trelawney had resumed back her old profession. She felt a timid longing to get busy again with her colleagues and her students, instead of gathering articles about Severus. The tranquility of this village didn't assist her burning heart. The hormonal explosion that would overtake the halls of Hogwarts would probably do the trick better.

When Ginny learned that she was getting ready to return she offered to meet her up with a friend of hers, recently arriving from Romania to go through some seminars on Dragons. He was working with her brother and Ginny presented him as a very interesting and kind young man. Close to her age and to her interests. Hermione shook her head in denial. Unless her heart closed down completely for Severus, it wouldn't be able to open up for anyone else, no matter how admirable they might be. For the time being, she found it impossible to think about men romantically. Severus's verbal abuse and Mark's physical combined were enough to keep her off the dating market for many years to come.

She reached into her pocket and dug up a crumbled advertisement of some heavy moldboard plow. She looked at it's empty back and found it adequate. She balanced it on the newspaper and found a small round nosed pen. Her inner control freak wanted to take out her wand and sharpen that nose up, but she told it to shut up. Her jawline gritted decisively and she gazed at the mesmerising motion of a fisherman that was unravelling his long nets.

'I will be there tomorrow morning. Kiss Harry and the kids for me,

All my love,

Hermione'

She wrapped it up and pushed it deep in her pocket in order to floo it later from the cottage. She leaned back and her tight shoulders loosened up a little as the water glistened under the bright sun. A few fish jumped out of the water to eat some bread crumbs that a kid threw over as she was passing along the piers with her grandfather. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh air.

 _It is time to move on..._ she thought and softly nodded in accordance to her thoughts, feeling her eyes drying up and her breath calming down. Her fingers this time didn't fold Severus's article neatly. She crumbled it with tight fingers and had to keep herself from tearing it apart. She gazed loftily at a small garbage bin a few feet away from her and aimed. She fired and the crumbled up newspaper landed in it. Feeling satisfied, she decided to leave that sad scrapbook back at Ginny's kitchen table and forget about it. It was time to move on, or else she would fade away into nothing.

 _A new beginning...for all of us..._

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A/N: A small update on Hermione. It should have been uploaded with the previous chapter, but I got confused and left it out. So here it is now. More to come soon. Thank you for the patience.

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	38. Chapter 38

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 **Four months later (Early days of January)**

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Severus lifted his tired eyes from the cauldron and wiped his hands on his apron. The tenacious knocking on his door made him freeze all the ongoing potions down at his basement and head for the main entrance.

'Good evening Nolan, dearest boy'

Severus smiled and looked above her shoulder at the snow that was falling thick. He beckoned the old woman inside 'What the hell are you doing here at this hour mother Ruth, come in' he made way for her to pass.

She limped heavily, holding her weight with an old but sturdy cane and passed him her wet umbrella without too much grace. He closed the door and placed the umbrella at the floor next to it. It was freezing outside and he rubbed his shoulders to warm himself up as he followed Ruth into his small living area, that consisted of his study and his dining room. Everything seemed cramped in there, but they were magnificently arranged to give the slightly clustered environment, comforting warmth. The fireplace was blazing hot and he led Ruth to one of the two easy chairs that were placed in front of it 'Come sit down,' he said and moved towards the equally small, but well kept muggle kitchen of his.

'Thank you' the elderly woman muttered as she shifted her body until she felt at ease. Then she closed her eyes 'It was difficult walking with that snowstorm outside. I swear this year the snow is going to bury us alive.' she harked, but her laughter ended up in a very dry and persistent cough.

He looked up from the stove and raised his brow 'Will it be tea or rosemary?' he asked and poured some water in a green kettle that looked almost ancient.

'Rosemary, please.' she replied and began coughing again.

'Be right there in a few minutes' he said out loud and then to himself he muttered 'You don't sound too good'

'Sure, you take your time son, I am not going anywhere.' she replied and coughed some more.

When he entered the living room several minutes later, holding a tray she was already asleep next to his fireplace. He observing her quietly for a couple of moments and remembered how he fell asleep in Lina's easy chair seven months ago. Feeling equally exhausted, but without having her years weighing him down. He placed the tray carefully on the coffee table and served her a steaming cup of her favourite brew. He meticulously added a small plate of biscuits and then placed them on a small side table that was next to her.

Making sure she was well taken care off, he walked out of the room silently and allowed her the time to rest as much as she needed. He headed back down to his basement, not omitting to throw a notifying spell on her so he would know when she woke up. Acting with such consideration towards a neighbour would have been impossible four months ago, but since he arrived at this village and decided to built his house, Ruth had supported him through every single step.

After several visits, her falling asleep on his easy chair became something of a ritual which they both agreed to accept as inevitable. Letting her rest and moving on with his business was something usual. He stepped off the stone ladder into a vast and well arranged underground room that was spotless clean. Shelves and bookcases occupied all the walls from floor to ceiling. They were filled with magical ingredients and muggle chemicals. There was virtually nothing a muggle chemist, or magical alchemist wouldn't find down here, and he wasn't the one to take credit for the perfection of that self made apothecary and laboratory.

It was primarily the Ministry of Magic, and secondarily the hospital of Mary Magdalene that helped him stock it up. Magdalene hospital was employing him as head Potioneer, but he couldn't consider the collaboration with the Ministry real employment. It was more like a thin balance, that would last as long as he fed them with information about the Dark Arts, and they made it their business to keep the Press off his back.

Those two sources supplied him with everything he needed. As to some of the rarest and in some cases illegal ingredients, he grew them himself on his back garden under heavy wards, impossible to detect. He had also discovered a nice half hidden magical apothecary in the nearest town that accommodated his every need with great discretion from the owner who never asked weird questions as long as he was paid in due time.

He picked up the scoop and began stirring one of the Potions. Down here, inside his domain he was free to work on anything he liked, as long as he finished on time the potions needed by the hospital or the medication that was required by the town's muggle chemist. Striking a deal with him hadn't been hard. He was making medication on prescription for a very moderate price. His pills sold like crazy, which was not a big surprise as he had vast knowledge of ingredients that the muggles weren't even aware off. One of the rules though was not to mix muggle and magical medications.

He was able to do the chemical work required off of him easily without using his magical resources. So he became very quickly known to the village as Nolan McGrath, retired Professor of chemistry that decided to leave the demanding city life, for a quiet life.

The Ministry of Magic in collaboration with the Muggle Ministry of Internal affairs, provided him with the appropriate muggle identification. So he was officially named Nolan which ironically meant famous, and McGrath which meant son of grace.

 _Famous son of grace…_ his lips twisted bothered for the person who deemed it wise to offer him such a name.

Owning new muggle identity allowed him to travel incognito all over England before entering a boat and reaching Ireland. He drove through the calm countryside and after a month of wandering the wilderness he still hadn't found a place where he wanted to settle down. In mid October he turned his bike over a small rolling hill and stopped at its peak. Liscannor Parochial Village was covered by dark clouds, but the white houses with the blue rooftops and the sea opening up in front of it made him smile. His black city motorcycle didn't go unnoticed even though he drove carefully through the streets. He stopped for a quick drink that evening in a small pub not even remotely interested in staying here, but nevertheless admiring it's serene atmosphere. Soon enough he was driving up the main road and was getting ready to travel North. As he was leaving the last houses behind, he saw a dirt road leading up a small hill. He didn't know what devil possessed him to take that road. He drove slowly past a couple of large cottages, with bright lights and happy voices behind the heavy curtains. Seemingly oblivious of the darkness outside their window panes.

At the end of that dirt road he saw the last house standing out, separated from all the rest, looking abandoned. It was a medium sized sturdy cottage that was build with stone. Part of the roof had collapsed inwards and all the windows were broken in. The wooden parts of the structure were either infected with mould and hanging off their hinges, or completely destroyed. He removed his helmet to see it more clearly. The exterior wall that surrounded it had tumbled down in several places and it's adequate sized garden was infested with weed and vines that had covered every available surface. His heart caught as he observed the silent, dark and destroyed building, that once must have housed a family, behind equally bright windows and heavy curtains. Before putting on his helmet again his eyes caught a small decrepit sell sign in the large garden. It's letters half smudged and the telephone number on it barely legible.

He shook his head dismissively and rolled his motorcycle past the bright cottages with the engine off so he wouldn't bother them. Only when he reached the main road did he fire it up with regret and drove off.

He mustn't have been on the road long, maybe five kilometres, when at the distance a large circular turret caught his attention. It looked ancient, imposing and totally out of place. This time he parked his motorcycle, took off his helmet and decided to take the time to check that tower from up close. At first sight it didn't seem interesting, but the moment he stepped around it all the air got squeezed out of his lungs.

He stepped close to the edge of the hill and his eyes watered at the majestic view in front of him. Right there behind the large tower, a long range of sharp cliffs carved the sea vertically, towering several hundred feet above the water. As his eyes feasted in that awe inspiring creation of nature, his hands leaned on his top thighs and he suddenly felt the need to sit down stronger than ever.

He did so and slowly his mind emptied as his eyes alternated between sky, land and frothing sea below. He remained there all night long, listening to the sea splashing at the sharp rocks and looking at the Milky Way up in the dark sky. Morning found him still admiring the view of those magical cliffs. He was still gazing lost at the sea slowly licking into them, carving their imposing shape year after year. His mind was trying to imagine how it would feel to approached these cliffs from the sea. He wanted to use his magic and fly over them and down into the water, but this beauty didn't need an intervention from magic. It held a magic of it's own.

After a long time and feeling thoroughly chilled, he searched and found the O'Brien's tower caretaker. There he learned a bit of history for the cliffs of Moher and climbed on his motorcycle. Instead of going North on Ballard Rd, he made a U-turn towards Liscannor. He passed St. Bridget's Well, then Beahy and when he found the first houses of the village he turned North towards Cahilly. He searched the small dirt road at the edge of the village with great difficulty and soon reached the destroyed cottage. The desolation of the building didn't mean that much to him when his black leather boots stepped over vines and tall grass to pick up the 'Up for Sale' sign. Three hours later he was paying cash for it and soon enough he had the keys of the broken door in the palm of his leather gloved hand.

The emptiness and the serenity he felt at the magical cliffs of Moher, couldn't be priced. He knew instantly that he wanted to live close to them. This was the first time in his life, that he truly wanted to settle down somewhere.

So he bought the destroyed cottage at the end of Landern Str., to the ultimate surprise of the suspicious muggle villagers that didn't know who this tall dark stranger was. Soon enough he started shedding his city self. He bought the motorcycle he had been travelling on, and parked it at the half destroyed shed of his new cottage. He cloaked it magically and then forgot about it's existence. Then he bought a used, but very well kept bicycle. With that he moved around the village, and to the cliffs of Moher up to this day.

The image of him riding his bicycle from the Cliffs of Moher during a rainy and grey day, with a black raincoat covering his body and head, had become somewhat of a standard around the village after a few weeks.

Slowly when his hunger for the breathtaking view of the Cliffs began satiating, he began working on the cottage without any outside assistance or without the use of magic. He wanted...no wrong, he needed to use physical labour in order to fix it. He never felt that he belonged in a place or that he owned a home. The opportunity to fix one from scratch was too important for him. He wanted to use his hands in order to build a small hiding place for himself that held no ties to his dark past.

With that solitary thought he worked on it every day. Cleaning, scraping, cutting fresh wood from the forest, slowly replacing the roof, the doors and the windows, painting the walls and replacing the broken floorboards. Fixing the plumbing, cleaning the basement and making selves from scratch in order to fix his apothecary. At first he slept on a mattress upon the floor with heavy blankets and several spells to stop the piercing cold, as most windows and doors were broken. Slowly the smell of mould and decay went away. Windows got replaced, by new polished wood that he scrubbed and sanded crookedly in some places, but which gave an authentic look to his home. He bought a water heater and soon enough he had hot clean water and a functioning toilet. He bought muggle electronics to fix his kitchen in order to cook for himself. The mattress got upgraded into a comfortable double bed and got assorted with two nightstands with matching lamps to help him read at night. His bookshelves got filled with books that arrived through orders from all over the world. Equally large packages were sent over by Magdalene hospital and the Ministry of Magic when he informed them of his new abode.

As he worked alone on his home the villagers watched him with mild interest. He let them approach as much as his lonely nature allowed. He was kind and open towards them and never tried to hide what he was doing. His quiet and diligent manners quickly won them over. When they inquired about those large packages brought to him from England, he explained that he was a chemistry Professor with a clear love for books.

The villagers accepted him according to their open and easygoing countryside personality, and not long after the local chemist approached him for a collaboration. Four months later he ended up toying three jobs at once, a house of his own and neighbours that considered him part of the village. They knew nothing about his past and didn't ask or expect much from the hero. He felt at peace with his anonymity and very comfortable inside the muggle world where he had the chance to lead a normal life.

Amongst the villagers that accepted him the easiest and approached him from ground zero, was mother Ruth. She was an old woman that never spoke about her life or her profession, but told him that she was born in Liscannor and lived all her life there. She had a large cottage at the beginning of Lantern Street and resided with her granddaughter Marian. Her children had moved to England many years ago, but her granddaughter decided to come back and live with her. From the moment he bought the house and started working on it she was there. Every day, bringing him food and talking him to insanity about stories from the village and Ireland. His need to keep his distance didn't last long with her insistent mumbling. Her persistence cracked him open on so many levels during these four months that he didn't even realise how quickly she entered his house and became a steady part of it.

So there he was, many sea miles away from his previous life. Adopting the image of a quiet Professor that kept to himself, owned a moderate cottage in the middle of nowhere, read a lot and worked even more without causing trouble to anyone. The Ministry kept their word and never leaked his new location to the Press. So he kept his end of the deal and documented methodically all his knowledge of the Dark Arts, Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Keeping nothing hidden from the Minister and his acolytes. Slowly his story began fading away from the newspapers that had nothing new to feed on and everything would have been perfect, if it wasn't for a minor detail…

 _Minor?…_

That detail was anything but minor and it was breaking him in half every single day. It was the reason that he had been unable to feel any real happiness by achieving the basics in life. It sucked the pleasure out of working so hard and so productively for many good causes.

It made him aloof towards the small pleasures of the everyday village routines, he had so deeply wished for all his life. It created the air of mystery and vagueness around him that made him so interesting. Most of his neighbours assumed it was because he was always preoccupied with some project, but that was far from the truth. Reality was that he was torn in half. The only moments he felt relative peace was when he was sitting at the Cliffs of Moher. His long legs dangling dangerously over the edge. His eyes red from the unshed tears of his heart, and just one step from taking an infernal dive in the Atlantic Ocean, turning into a grey mist and flying to the call of his heart.

'Not again _,_ ' he cursed and threw a freezing spell on his Potion. He took off his apron and walked up to the living room again unable to concentrate in order to finish his projects down there. When he got into this kind of mood he couldn't work. Only hard manual labor was able to make her memories drift away, but when that stopped Hermione's face, returned full force with a vengeance, reminding him of what could have been, if he hadn't been such a coward.

He stood in front of a small drinking cabinet near his desk and filled a glass of firewhiskey to the brim. He tasted it and winced, then he gulped it down quickly. Using alcohol in order to remedy his broken heart was a folly, but stranded here, all alone, he had no other choice to numb down these intense waves of despair that kept returning relentlessly. This solitude, a condition he had been seeking most of his life, now felt empty without her. The harder he tried to get away from her, the closer she hang onto his heart. He carried around with him every single memory of her dutifully. From the first moment he first heard her beautiful voice, to the last moment where he felt her cold hand striking his face. He didn't want to suffer this way, but it was difficult to stop thinking of her. Her face tore him, mended him, weakened him, but also sustained him.

 _You've spent your whole life, suffering for women,_

His eyes opened and gazed at the frost that was forming slowly on his window pane. He spend several silent moments musing at the thick snowy curtain before giving up and taking a seat on his couch. Without too much thought he opened up the article he was currently writing about the effects of several advanced Dark spells and their strategic manipulation from Riddle during the second wizarding war. He picked up the pen and looked over at Ruth fleetingly. She was breathing heavily in deep sleep. He quirked his lips and rubbed his forehead trying to concentrate long enough to gather his thoughts. His throat was on fire and his heart was bleeding once again after many months of thinking about the same things over and over.

Many times the thought of inquiring after Hermione crossed his mind. Even more times he cursed himself for not reading Mrs. Potter's mind that fateful day he returned Lily's bracelet to her son. The questions about Hermione were eating him up and he couldn't stop beating himself for acting gallantly and not intruding the mind of that stubborn red haired woman when she told him that she couldn't reveal Hermione's secret. He knew that she was probably married already or even bearing children from that man. Leading a happy life under the supervision of Minerva. Those thoughts always ended up with his skin crawling and the hair on his nape standing up angrily, despite the fact that Hermione was worth every single thread of happiness in life. He was jealous of Mark and he was hateful towards his inability to offer her this kind of life. He was angry that she was with another man even though he was the one that pushed her away.

The nose of the pen touched the paper and his eyes opened up with difficulty and glared menacingly at the blazing fire. He tried hard to push back the ugly fiends of jealousy that had risen from the dark corners of his mind. Slowly the silence of the room and the crackling of the burning wood calmed him down. He felt consolation from the certainty that Hermione was now a happy woman free of the rusty bonds of their disturbing relationship. After a few minutes his tight knuckles begun to loosen up and he was able to take deep breaths. The monsters of his mind drew back into the shadows and soon enough his pen began documenting his vast knowledge for the benefit of the Ministry.

He sat there quietly for a long time, numb from deep concentration, when the sleepy voice of Ruth made him look up.

'Did I fall asleep again?' she asked slightly disoriented.

He finished his sentence and put a full stop 'Sure did' he replied with a faded smile.

'Why didn't you wake me up?' she looked at the tea still steaming next to her.

'Who am I to destroy such a peaceful drift from reality?' he asked wearily.

'The owner of the house?' she rejoined playfully.

'Not the owner of your rest though. Now drink your tea' he pointed out.

'Did you just make it? How did you know I was about to wake up?' she smiled and picked it up.

'I have a good eye for observation' he replied offhandedly.

'Do you think Marian is worried? I've been missing for two hours' she tasted his brew and her eyes sparkled 'Perfection, as always' she smacked her lips.

'Your granddaughter knows where to find you,' he replied calmly and shuffled through the written pages. At least he got a good amount of work out of the way.

'That's true' she laughed lightly 'You keep brewing perfect tea each and every time. That is why I keep coming, so you'd know'

He raised his brow 'Everything is just about the correct balance of ingredients.'

'Hide the Professor in you boy. Are you working again?' she leaned over the arm of her chair to see better.

He nodded 'Meticulously'

'What are all those scribbles about?'

'They speak about the correct balance of ingredients' he smiled slyly.

She shook her head 'Your work defines you.'

That pushed him back to darker times, long ago, were his work truly defined him. But that work was not balancing ingredients, brewing and casting complicated spells or creating new ones. That work dealt life and death. During those times he fell asleep at night and didn't know if he was going to be alive the next day. He frowned towards his papers thoughtfully and nodded 'Yes, it does.' His heart though was not in his answer. In a delayed afterthought he looked up and smiled.

She was watching him carefully 'That momentary time lapse speaks volumes, so you'd know,'

'Yours too' he retorted cleverly.

'You are more than meets the eyes Nolan McGrath,' she said playfully and drunk some tea.

'Why don't you have a cookie?' he pointed out, needing to get her off his back.

'Don't tell me you baked these too in your spare time?' she laughed.

'No brought them down at O'Connell's. I am not famous for my cooking' he smiled.

'That guy can definitely bake!' she rejoined tasting a cookie. Then in a afterthought she spoke 'So what are you famous for?'

He looked up from his papers surprised 'Nothing. I am just a mere chemist.'

'Leave off!' she said giving him an off hand gesture 'Mere chemist? You? No, bloody-way!'

He inhaled deeply 'Ruth? We have done this so many times, why do you persist?'

'You haven't convinced me yet, that's why' she smiled at him.

He shook his head 'What more proof do you need? I am working for a hospital and for your own chemist' he said.

'I don't doubt that you are a chemist. I just doubt the word _mere,_ ' her blue eyes pierced him cleverly.

'You are right. I give off an air of grandeur' he said dryly.

'No you are a very quiet and private man' she noted.

He raised his brow 'Thank God that passed through'

'Yet everything about you speaks otherwise' she added.

'Of course it wouldn't have been that simple' he shook his head with a lopsided smile.

'It isn't. I'm going to take a wild guess that nothing on you is simple _'_ she replied and took another cookie.

'Old age makes you very confused' he brushed her off again.

'Or makes me wise' she retorted.

'I sometimes truly wonder if you come here for the talk, for the tea, or just to feed your immense curiosity' he stood up. He walked to the hearth, picked up a long fork and tried to revive the fire. At moments like this he was thankful he chose a stone house with very thick walls.

'Tea and curiosity in that order. The talk comes as a natural consequence of the other two' she winked at him.

He shook his head 'I can feed you the tea and the talk. Will not feed your curiosity. It will die down sooner or later'

'Sooner rather than later, don't forget my age' she gave his words a morbid turn.

He quirked his lips 'Death won't be able to deal with your sense of curiosity either and he'll send you back to me'

She laughed hard then, but her mirth ended up in a dreadful coughing bout. He rested on his heels and looked at her closely. When she finished and took a deep ragged breath he spoke 'You sound like hell, have you been taking your meds?'

'They are not doing much for my condition' she shook her grey head sadly.

'Even the last batch? I altered most of the original medication' he said thoughtfully.

She shook her head 'It was better than the rest, but still inadequate. See? You might get rid of me sooner than you may think' she said with a sad smile.

He rose to his feet with a dark frown on his brow 'Have you gone to the hospital?'

'Nope! Not going' she dismissed him with an angry glance.

'Ruth,' he tried.

'Forget it! I am not going to be laid in some cold hospital bed to have tubes sticking out of my hands! I am old, I will wait for God to take me at his own leisure' she shook her head at him.

'You are so stubborn,' he accused her

'And you are young and impatient. Let me be, why don't you?' she waved him off with a disturbed grimace.

His brows knitted and he walked behind the couch. He leaned his hands on it's back. He didn't answer. A lot of thoughts were passing through his mind at that moment and none of them was wise. Altering her muggle medication with magic could be the best solution for her stubbornness. She wasn't going to seek help from a hospital and the medication sold by the local chemist was not strong enough. He didn't want to let Ruth deteriorate into nothingness while her granddaughter Marian cried secretly behind her back. He had seen the young woman's thoughts and they were heartbreaking. As much as he respected the medical arts of the Muggles, there were some things they weren't able to do. Through his magic Ruth had a chance to a long life, without any hospital treatment.

What made it so difficult for him to give her a potion then? Anyone would immediately understand that this was no ordinary medication and a lot of questions would arise. He could transfigure it to a pill, but that was not advisable in medical potions since transfiguration altered some of the more unbalanced ingredients. Her potion was filled with those. If he was going to help her through magic, then he had to reveal himself and he was not sure he wanted to take such a big step. In fact he was quite certain that he didn't.

'What the hell are you thinking about? You've turned pale' she gave him a small thoughtful smile.

He swallowed heavily 'You look awful.'

'Did the seriousness of my condition, just dawn for you? You have been my chemist since you arrived!' she laughed tiredly and some exhausted coughs punctuated her giggles in the end.

'I just,' he trailed off and rubbed his rough chin.

'Nolan darling, your medication is doing it's job to perfection. Forget about it' she said offhandedly.

He frowned towards his hand, lost in deep thoughts.

'Get off this mood! You are scaring me!' she chastised and then entered another coughing bout.

He looked up worried and waited for it to stop, but it didn't. She drew in a choked breath and the hard coughing resumed. She sounded close to vomiting. He came over quickly and offered her a napkin. She covered her mouth and struggled to stop it for a long time.

'Maybe I should take you to the hospital myself' he muttered feeling at a loss.

She shook her head angrily 'No…no, just bring me my pills if you have any left.' she managed to spit out between her barking coughs.

'Let me look at this!' he growled and tried to pull her hand away from her mouth.

She resisted with surprising strength 'No!'

'I said give it!' he commanded feeling his heart dropping in icy water as he pulled the napkin away and saw it filled with blood.

He looked at her gravely and felt his eyes watering unexpectedly. She gazed back at him with those kind blue eyes that seemed so haunted at that moment. At the side of her mouth a small trickle of blood still remained 'Showing off the sensitive streak in you my boy. The main reason I had my eyes on you for my granddaughter Marian. Unfortunately both of you overturned my plans' she carefully wiped the end of her lips like nothing serious was going on.

He smiled despite the terrible knot that abounded in his throat 'I am not available, for the hundredth time,'

'I know, but you never told me who owns that golden heart of yours' she leaned her head back. Her eyes looked tired and the dark circles under them spoke openly of the poor condition of her body.

'And neither will I. Does Marian know how much your condition has deteriorated?' he frowned.

'No, don't tell her' she became serious also 'There is no use to worry her since I am not going to any hospital.'

He straightened his body decisively 'Wait here' he said and moved towards the basement with purposeful agility.

'Are you bringing me my pills? Thank you Nolan,' she muttered breathlessly behind him.

His eyes fell on the muggle section and he looked pointedly at the small glass vial with the pink antibiotics he had been making for her. His fingers curled into tight fists and his jawline tensed, but he didn't hesitate to reach the magical part of the laboratory. There he started a feverish search of already made Potions. When he finished the first rows and didn't find the one he wanted he rolled up his sleeves and tried the ones in the back. The more rare creations he kept for special occasions like this one.

 _I've spent the first part of my life destroying lives, but I've dedicated the second in saving lives…_

That wasn't going to change now because the life that needed saving was Muggle. He was going to assist Ruth through his real profession and if that meant exposing himself then so be it. His hand searched the back shelves and it didn't take him long to dig out an intricate Potion bottle that had a crimson essence twisting and twirling inside. He nodded in satisfaction and brought it up to Ruth.

She looked up to him 'Nolan?'

He offered her the magical bottle 'Drink this in one go if you can' he said carefully.

Her eyes looked at it for a moment and then returned to him 'What is this?' she seemed apprehensive.

'Drink it, it will help,' he nodded.

She looked at it for several moments mesmerised 'It looks beautiful'

He didn't reply. He rested his forearms on his knees and observed her closely.

As if an internal debate came to a rest she nodded and took off the stopper. Immediately crimson vapour escaped 'Don't let it go to waste, drink it!' he commanded wanting her to inhale the vapours too.

Taken aback she brought the bottle to her mouth and drank it in one go. He nodded satisfied as the vapours entered her nostrils and a soft smile appeared on his lips. When she finished she licked her wrinkled lips and gave the bottle back to him 'What in the name of God was that my boy?'

'Medication' he sniffed its remains even though he already knew it was more than adequate for her condition. His eyes returned to sick greyness of her skin. It began to withdraw slowly, allowing a bright pink colour to return to her cheeks. She must have felt the revival, because she smiled and raised her hands. She looked amazed at the healthy hue returning 'What's happening' she whispered.

'How do you feel?' he asked with a small frown.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her breath felt free of all trouble 'I am not coughing anymore!' she seemed exhilarated.

'Good' he whispered and stood up. He walked slowly to his desk and placed the bottle thoughtfully among the scattered articles.

 _Now come the questions..._

'What are you?' she asked sure enough.

He signed and his eyes looked at the frosty window 'A chemist Ruth' he replied quietly.

'Don't jest with me!' she exclaimed and stood up. Without the help of the cane she came over to him 'I have been using this cane for the last ten years and right now I don't need it. I feel twenty years younger and what I drunk moved on it's own inside the bottle and also into my nose' she said but her tone was not accusing.

'I am not jesting Ruth. That is what I do' he replied seriously.

'A mere chemist?' she raised both brows unable to believe him.

He looked outside the window again 'Eons ago, Chemists had another name. More mystical, which consisted of techniques that modern society has long forgotten' he replied thoughtfully.

'What name?' she looked up at him eagerly.

'Alchemists' he replied calmly and turned to her.

She smiled widely and her eyes brightened 'You are a wizard!' she exclaimed.

He shuddered, but his silent eyes had already answered to her.

'And a very strong one, if I judge at how easily you cured me' she nodded.

'Ruth,' he tried modestly, but couldn't find the words.

She raised her finger to stop him 'And you are probably famous also, right? That's what Nolan means anyway. Nice touch there son!' she winked.

'Not my idea' he pressed his lips regretfully.

'And from what I see you have must have an impressive past' she pointed towards his revealed Dark Mark.

He bit his upper lip uneasily 'That is something I don't want to talk about, if you don't mind' he lowered his sleeve.

'That tattoo doesn't look positively tuned,' she flicked her shoulder with a small smile.

'It's not' he replied clinically and fastened the button of his sleeve securely.

'I would have never expected to see you with tattoos, especially this dark' she smiled.

He smirked.

'Are you even a Professor, dearest Nolan?' she nudged him playfully.

'I am indeed' he replied quietly.

She laughed and rejoiced on her clear breath 'I didn't cough! Did you see that?'

'Potion worked well, but it is temporary. You might feel the effects of the disease returning full force in a couple of days. I will brew some more for you later today. If you take it regularly the illness with subside completely' he offered her a reassuring smile.

'Thank you Nolan' she muttered and tears edged her eyes.

'Don't mention it' he brushed her off and began aligning his articles, just in order to have something to do with his nervous hands. Ruth's emotional gratefulness made him feel very uneasy.

'You have a heart of gold' she touched his shoulder and rubbed it softly.

A strong shudder run through his spine 'I wouldn't bet on that' he whispered and a his brow creased darkly.

'Does she know that your heart is made of gold?' she asked softly.

He felt his chest constricting and his eyes welling 'Who?' the question left his mouth unexpectedly.

'The girl you left behind' she said cleverly 'The one that still owns your heart and forbids you to give it to my granddaughter.'

He inhaled deeply and pushed down the tears that threatened to overbalance him. His eyes found refuge at the snow curtain outside 'No' he whispered.

'So here you are heartbroken, always heartbroken since the first day I saw you,' she tried gently, seeing that he was curling in on himself 'Nolan, I don't even know if this is your real name. I don't care to know your history or how you ended up here in the middle of nowhere, because you stole my heart also. In a maternal way. You allowed me to see a few things in you, and they are very special. Thank you for everything that you have done for me and Marian, but I would like to see you do something for yourself' her bony and fragile fingers pressed his strong forearm exactly above the Dark Mark.

'Severus...' he said quietly.

'Is that your real name?' she smiled.

He nodded.

'Fix your heart Severus' she said quietly.

He felt a single tear escaping from his eye and swallowed heavily. He didn't make a move to wipe it off and it trailed down his cheek slowly 'How?' he exhaled.

'Only you know how,' she tilted her head and winced regretfully. Then she walked back to her easy chair, giving him space to settle down. She remained there in silence as more tears run down his cheek and he didn't make a move to stop them. He stood still, trying hard to calm down his drumming heart and the tight knot in his throat. When after a while he finally managed it, he turned to her more composed than ever. 'You know a lot about the magical world,' he stopped mid sentence.

She smiled 'And you don't seem surprised, which means you already know what I am'

He raised his brow 'An Oracle and I should have known sooner.'

She pointed her finger at him 'Indeed. And you should have known sooner, how?'

'Legilimency' he tilted his head nonchalantly.

Her eyes grew wide 'Oh, you are that powerful. Legilimency and Occlumency are rare and difficult traits master'

'Nevertheless I am not using them anymore, especially on Muggles' his lips pursed.

She smiled 'You should have used that rare ability and I should have seen your aura. I was equally gallant towards you Severus' and frowned 'Can I still call you Nolan? I prefer it'

He smirked 'Be my guest'

So Mother Ruth was an Oracle. Those were the muggles that had direct contact with the wizarding community and possessed low level psychic abilities. The ones the muggles called Mediums. They were the best link between the wizarding and the muggle world.

'Now that I see your aura, it is almost blinding!' She muttered and looked all around him.

'Listen Ruth, I would appreciate if you kept all this between us. I have serious reasons to keep my current abode private and living in the muggle world makes that easier.' he said gravely.

'You don't have to worry, my lips are sealed. I like you a lot and I don't want you to leave. If you need privacy, then I will make it my business. But,' she raised her finger at him again 'You just confirmed that you are famous in your world' then she gave him another playful wink.

'Does it matter?' he winced dismissively.

She waved him off 'If you can still fix me that wonderful tea nothing else matters'

'You want another one?' he asked feeling a ton of weight lifting from his shoulders.

'Yes, if you don't mind my boy. Marian must be worried for me, but your brew is one heck of a temptation. Just don't tell me that you are making it by magic. It will loose all it's grace' she warned him.

'No magic in my tea, Ruth' he smirked.

'Take your time,' she said happily.

The rest of the evening passed quietly with Ruth returning to her favourite pastime. Speaking about the village and their neighbours, seemingly overlooking what took place between them, or possibly respecting his wishes. No matter what, he didn't regret revealing himself to this wonderful old lady. So she mostly spoke without any coughing bouts and he mostly listened, when his thoughts weren't drifting off back to England, until Marian knocked on his door. The grave young lady escorted her grandmother away, with a dozen apologies and a shocked countenance when she realised how peachy Ruth looked this evening.

Night found Severus sitting alone in the dark. His heavy eyes were red and an empty glass was cradled in his numb fingers. An equally empty bottle of firewhiskey was next to his forearm. He had been obsessing about Ruth's words since she left with Marian.

 _Fix your heart..._

 _How?_

 _Only you know..._

After the longest time of standing absolutely still, he pushed his glass away and pulled a blank piece of paper. His pen hovered above it for several seconds, but the need to reach out to Hermione was too strong in his inebriated state. When he began writing there was only one thought occupying his mind.

Learning some news of Hermione, even if they were about her marriage and children. He needed to find out that she was healthy and happy and then he would retreat back into the shadows once more.

When he finished the letter he send it off quickly before his logic took over his emotions and he ended tearing it up like he had done many times before. Two hours later he was passed out on his desk as the weather outside turned from a mild storm into a blizzard.

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	39. Chapter 39

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Ginny looked at the piece of paper and sweat broke on her forehead as she read the crossed letters addressed to her one more time. Very few words were written on it, but they were more than enough for all of them.

"Mrs. Potter,

please keep this information private from your husband,

Nollan McGarth, 3 Landern Str. Liscannor Parochial Village, Country Clare N. Ireland

SS"

Her eyes darted towards Hermione that was talking animatedly with Harry and playing with the children. She winced at the thin frame of her body and at those chocolate haunted eyes that bespoke of many sleepless nights. Then she looked back at the small paper that held its weight in gold. Her stomach tightened and she folded it carefully and put it back in her pocket. She painted a fake smile on her lips and went back to them.

'Everything alright?' she said when came into the living room.

The paleness on Ginny's face was noticed by Hermione, but not by her husband. He was too preoccupied with the kids. Ginny's mind was screaming with the need to show them the paper, but disappointingly there wasn't a person in the house that she could share it with yet without getting negative reactions instantly. Snape asked for the information to be kept private from Harry, and Hermione didn't want anything to do with Snape.

'What's wrong with you?' Hermione looked at her friend mildly worried.

'Everything is _fine,'_ her voice broke.

'You look pale,' Hermione frowned.

'I just need some coffee. Can I fix you guys anything?' she asked.

Harry shook his head without taking his eyes away from James that was trying to use his father's wand in order to conjure a paper cup out of thin air and kept failing miserably.

'Me neither' Hermione's lips quirked and she checked on her friend thoroughly.

'Be back in a second' she brushed them off quickly and walked to the kitchen.

Hermione glared knowingly at Ginny's back. She knew her friend too well to be sidetracked that everything was alright. One moment she was laughing happily, her rosy cheeks brightening up her face and next moment she returned from the study with an air of impending doom around her and a pallid face.

'I am coming with you,' she called and rushed after Ginny.

'Auntie Mione, stay! I can made this cup, wait,' James muttered and flicked the wand again. A crumbled paper ball appeared on the carpet.

Hermione smiled sweetly 'I will be back in a moment, try harder. Concentrate on the cup,'

He nodded half heartedly and she entered the kitchen 'Changed my mind. Can you make me a coffee also?'

'Sure' Ginny smiled at her. She seemed more composed now.

Hermione sat down and gathered her legs under her 'I thought I heard the swishing noise of the floo network at the study. Did you have any news back there?'

Ginny gazed up at her and Hermione discerned the slight flicker of fear. 'I did,' Ginny's lips upturned in a fleeting smile.

'Bad news?' Hermione asked carefully.

'No, I just heard from a relative in Ireland. A distant uncle from my mother's side.' Ginny served them both a cup of coffee.

'Didn't know you had relatives in Ireland' Hermione flicked her shoulder.

'He is from England, he just moved there recently' Ginny replied clinically, and avoided Hermione's eyes.

'Does he communicate often with you?" Hermione tried to show interest in order to understand what had changed Ginny's mood so drastically.

'No, unfortunately' Ginny shook her head.

'I cannot understand if you look apprehensive because your distant uncle decided to call upon you, or sad because he doesn't do it often' Hermione smiled.

Ginny looked at her and after a brief moment she smiled also 'Both I think' she sounded honest.

Hermione nodded, 'Well I hope he will keep in touch with you from now on.'

'Pfff, don't think he will. He is like a comet. You rarely see him, but when he appears everyone's eyes are on him' Ginny nodded in agreement with her inner thoughts.

Hermione was by now certain that there was something she was missing. 'He sounds rather appealing. Is he old?' she winked at Ginny playfully. Not really interested in that obscure uncle. Just trying to fix her friend's deteriorating mood. Something that her words apparently achieved as Ginny chuckled. Then she stopped and gazed at Hermione amused. Then another chuckle and another until she ended up laughing in all honesty.

'What!? Did I say something funny?' Hermione smiled widely.

'Is he old,' Ginny cupped her mouth and some tears run down her cheeks 'No, he isn't. Well, yes he is. It depends on your point of view. Are you interested?' Ginny's laughter finally settled down long enough to allow her to communicate, but her messages towards Hermione were mixed and confusing.

'Is he available _?_ ' Hermione scrounged her nose.

Ginny nodded and wiped the tears from her face 'He send me a message, so I bet my life that he is!' she said and then giggled at some vague joke Hermione failed to see.

Hermione shook her head 'You are making no sense'

'I know, don't mind me. Now tell me how have you been doing at school? Haven't seen you since you got back from the cottage' Ginny said.

Hermione inhaled thoughtfully 'I am doing okay'

'Just okay?' Ginny raised her brow.

'New faces arriving, old faces leaving, every single welcoming speech is the same.' she flicked her shoulders with a small disinterested smile.

'You don't sound excited' Ginny raised her brow and her eyes were penetrating.

'If you consider what I went through last year, you will easily understand why this year seems boring.' she smiled sadly for a moment, but then rejoiced 'But you know what? I find solace in that routine. Nothing extraordinary is going to happen that will steal my breath away. Nobody is going to try and rape me. You get the point.'

Ginny nodded 'Did Mark try to speak to you?'

'The Aurors placed him under security measures that don't allow him to contact me, thankfully. So, no.' Hermione's brow was burdened with worried thoughts.

'Do you know if he managed to get a job after Minerva fired him?' Ginny raised her brow.

'His is under probation, and awaiting trial. No one is going to hire him easily.' she replied clinically.

'I hope he remains jobless and homeless' Ginny tightened her jaw line angrily.

'Forget the homeless. His parents will always offer him a home back in England'

'Let him remain there, because if he makes the mistake and return to Scotland, there will be several people waiting to pound his face in' Ginny gazed at her intently.

'Harry has already restrained him in every legal manner. He won't risk his job by beating him up' Hermione felt tired to the bone of anything that had to do with Mark.

Ginny looked at her thoughtfully for several moments, finally making Hermione flinch 'What,' she asked.

'I wasn't thinking about Harry' Ginny said flatly.

Hermione frowned and her stomach dropped with sudden apprehension 'Who were you thinking off?'

Ginny's brow went up meaningfully, but she remained silent.

Hermione felt sweat breaking on her neckline 'Don't tell me that you made the serious mistake of speaking to Snape,' she warned with a dark tone that gave Ginny a pause.

'I haven't betrayed your secret Hermione, but if he knew what happened, then Mark not finding a job would be the least of his problems.' Ginny said quietly and her eyes felt piercing.

'Where the hell did Snape come from in this conversation?' she said dismissively and pushed her tea away. Her appetite was suddenly gone.

'I put him there on purpose,' Ginny looked at her searchingly 'Do you have any news from him?'

'Leave me alone Ginny, for fuck's sake' she sprang from her seat and opened the kitchen door, letting in the cold air. She had been trying to get him out of her mind for so long. She couldn't sleep, she didn't want to eat and she looked like a ghost. Tears welled in her chest and came out of her eyes quickly.

'Put this on,' Ginny's voice was quiet and she was holding a coat.

Hermione threw it casually around her shoulders and closed her eyes. 'Leave me alone Ginny' she muttered.

'I am sorry. It has been almost five months since you broke up. I thought your feelings about those dark unsettling times have finally settled' Ginny looked at her carefully.

'They haven't,' she admitted with a small unnerving frown.

'Do you still love him?' Ginny asked and the air stilled around them.

She wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand, feeling like she was unravelling in front of Ginny's apprehensive stare 'Yes,' she whispered.

'I am sorry,' Ginny didn't know what to say.

'What are _you_ sorry about? I am not in love with you' Hermione huffed and backed up into the kitchen to wash her hands in the sink.

'If I knew things were so serious, I would have spoken more carefully,' Ginny followed her.

Hermione smiled sadly and wiped her hands away 'It's okay'

'Have you been sleeping at all?' Ginny frowned in exasperation.

'As much as I can. I don't want to collapse on duty and disappoint Minerva' her tone was so void of emotion that Ginny felt her anger slowly brewing towards the self destructive attitude of her best friend.

'Satisfying your boss is the last thing on my mind right now' Ginny dismissed her.

'I cannot afford to lose my job, just because I cannot get over a break up' Hermione shook her head.

'Do you eat anything? You look like a ghost' Ginny continued relentless.

'I don't want to eat' she whispered and felt more tears overflowing her eyes.

'You cannot live like that' Ginny said.

'So what should I do then, any suggestions?' Hermione hurled back truly tired.

'Maybe you should talk to Snape,' Ginny suggested timidly, not wanting to arose her friend's anger.

'Who the hell told you that I want to talk to him!? We have nothing to say to each other!' Hermione barked, unable to keep her anger at bay.

'I think you have a lot to say to each other. Tell him how you feel for starters.' Ginny raised her brow with admirable level headedness.

'How can you ask me to go after a man that has been so cruel to me? I have my dignity to uphold' Hermione spat and felt her hands shaking visibly. Ginny's eyes fell there.

'You are judging him hastily, based on a single incident that was cultivated under the worst circumstances' Ginny said heavily, trying to sake Hermione to reason.

'What the hell are you talking about?' Hermione spat.

'When he left you, or rather when he send you away the circumstances were neither ideal nor clear' Ginny argued.

'They were clear alright! I told him that I was ready to follow him anywhere he wished. Cannot get more straightforward than that' Hermione's lips twisted in disgust.

'You are angry and hurt,' Ginny stopped to search for words, but Hermione took over.

'Yes, I bloody am!' she exclaimed and more tears rolled down the side of her nose.

'Your anger won't change the fact that right up to your breakup you were both in rotten positions. He was a hunted man that didn't want you involved in his hell and you were a woman that was engaged to be married. If he had any kind of honour in him he would have acted towards you exactly as he did' Ginny said firmly.

'He did the best for me, of course,' Hermione's voice was mocking 'Heard that fairy tale a few times alright.'

'Who else told you?' Ginny asked perplexed.

'Minerva and Harry. I don't care for his reasons. He mistreated me and I am not going back to him. Never!' she rejoined heavily.

'Don't overlook his real motives, so easily. They speak of love' the graveness of Ginny's voice didn't go unnoticed by Hermione who felt her throat choking with unspoken feelings. Only her teary eyes betrayed the pain in her heart.

'What a way to show his love. It suited him to kick me out of his life. He is a loner. He is not ready to share his life with anyone, much less a former student of his' she shook her head, wanting this conversation to end.

'I think you've build a distorted memory of him. You are not doing him any justice' her friend said quietly.

'Why are you standing up for him all of a sudden? Is it because of what he did for Harry?' Hermione felt like Ginny was tearing her apart word for word, but was unable to stop replying.

'Do you know where Snape lives?' Ginny frowned, overlooking Hermione's need to stir clear.

'How can I? He hasn't written to me once, not even to see how I am doing,' Hermione muttered and her eyes filled with tears again as the pain in her heart flared up.

'Would you have liked him to do so?' Ginny asked calmly.

'I don't want his pity!' she harked 'He probably thinks I am married. Better this way' she murmured to herself.

'Better for whom?' Ginny asked.

'For all of us' she barked.

'I am not so sure,' Ginny was very thoughtful.

'Give me the chance to forget him, stop mentioning his name. Just STOP!' she sobbed.

Ginny embrace her warmly 'I'll stop my darling, I promise. On my word of honour okay? Just answer to me one thing.'

Hermione nodded 'Okay'

'If you had a way of contacting him, would you have used it? Would you like to know where he is or how he is doing?' Ginny asked quietly.

Hermione pulled back and looked at her through eyes that were blurry 'Never,' her voice was heavy and she tried to make it sincere, but her heart was not behind it 'Ginny, if you know where he is keep the information to yourself and never reveal it to me. Don't mention him again. Give me a chance to heal. Give me the time to heal. Can you do that?' she whispered with a desperation that broke Ginny's heart.

'I promise,' Ginny replied.

* * *

(One month later)

'I'll take this aisle' Ginny said. She gave Hermione one last caring look and left her rather satisfied. When she promised to give her friend time to heal she didn't have much hope. Now a month later Hermione was slowly returning back to her old self. Her dark mood was shifting around slowly. She was doing very well at school and had established a routine visit to see Harry's kids every weekend. She went out many times with the old gang and never turned down a drink with them.

Of course whenever she or the boys tried to get her to meet someone, Hermione refused point blank. They even tried a blind date without a prior warning to her, which ended up painfully awkward with her leaving them mid dinner. It was too early for Hermione to get into another relationship, but her refusal to even socialise on the basics with other men troubled Ginny a lot. So the time rolled by easily enough for all of them, until they reached the early days of February.

During those small winter weekdays they chose to visit Hermione's favourite bookshop and saunter idly through the aisles searching for a book to give each other. Whoever finished it first won the game. Hermione's been winning most of those small competitions, but Ginny enjoyed the playfulness this game brought out in them.

Today she decided to move down the poetry aisle and choose something tantalising for the brilliant mind of her best friend. She shuffled through the titles thoughtfully, listening to the excited students coming and going around her for a long time before Hermione's voice drew her out of her contemplative mood.

'You are choosing me poetry? I am going to win again,' Hermione's voice was playful and teasing.

She pushed some books out of the way and saw her friend's brown eyes peaking at her 'Don't bet on it,' she rejoined.

'Come on give me a clue,' Hermione said and walked over to her.

"Who is this? And what is here?"

And in the lighted palace near

Died the sound of royal cheer;

And they crossed themselves for fear,

All the Knights at Camelot;

But Lancelot mused a little space

He said, "She has a lovely face;

God in his mercy lend her grace,

The Lady of Shalott." Ginny's voice was lyrical and beautiful as she spoke the words of the poem.

'Lord Tennyson?' Hermione's eyes glanced at Ginny with sudden interest.

Ginny smirked 'I knew that'd grab your attention!' she said with a small victorious hand gesture.

Hermione laughed, but a pair of voices from the next aisle made her smile fade away slowly 'Severus Snape?'

Ginny felt an unwilling rush of adrenaline and before she knew it Hermione was gone.

'"Severus Snape, Death Eater or Dark Angel?". It's supposed to be the best one written about him. I will buy it!' one of the students said thoughtfully.

'Your parents gave you money to buy books for school, not for personal entertainment' someone else argued.

'I don't care, this is a classic. I want it for my collection!' the stern retort came.

'Look at the price, your mom's going to kill you'

Ginny followed Hermione's shoes and turned at the aisle where the two boys were musing over a book written about Snape. Hermione was frozen still in time. The one arguing against the price pulled his friend and the heavy black volume fell on the carpet with a muted thumb. Hermione walked towards the book and rested on her heels. She overturned it and gazed at the picture on the cover, which was none other than Snape.

'Hermione?' Ginny walking softly behind her.

Hermione's shoulders were shaking visibly and she heard the sobs quite clearly. Ginny touched her shoulder 'Are you alright?'

Hermione gazed back with haunted eyes and a pale face that scared her friend.

'Hermione?' Ginny asked softly.

'Fuck this,' she spat and picked up the book with menace. Hermione's features distorted in pain as she threw the book away from her. It landed on it's belly and several pages crushed under its weight.

Ginny didn't want to see anymore. She felt angry at both of them. She took Hermione in her arms and let her cry out her frustrations as she glared angrily at that heavy book.

That evening when her pen touched the blank piece of paper, it was Hermione's heartbroken face that burned bright in her mind.

 _This is enough for both of you. I am not sitting idle anymore,_ she thought and wrote down a few words.

"She needs you more than ever. If she means anything to you, please come back, but come see me first. It is very important.

Ginny Potter"

She wrapped the paper and send it off quickly through the floo network to Ireland. Then she remained silently observant of the blazing fire of her husband's study. When Harry entered and embraced her from behind she didn't move at all.

'You look rather solemn. What did you do?' he asked with a hair raising insight that made her shudder.

'I assisted life,' she replied and leaned back to him. She was resting all her hopes upon one man that was not famous for his sensitivity. The same man that cried in front of her one day in the rain for Hermione. Ginny hoped she wasn't wrong about him 'All we have to do is wait,' she muttered heavily as Harry kissed her on the neck.

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	40. Chapter 40

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Ginny felt highly apprehensive, but that was completely justified. A week passed since she send off that daring letter to Nolan McGarth, aka Professor Snape and in the meantime they had corresponded again several times. They agreed to meet in Hogsmeade this Wednesday evening, something that Ginny managed with great difficulty since she couldn't say anything to either her husband or Hermione.

So after parking the kids to their grandparents and assuring Harry that she was going shopping, she arrived at the small village and entered the coffee house full of anxiety. She felt guilt for meeting Snape secretly, knowing that she was betraying Hermione's trust, but there was no other feasible solution to their dire situation.

When Snape opened up the communication channel, she grabbed it eagerly and brought it home. When she send off that letter to him she didn't really believe that he was going to come. She remembered how negatively tuned he had been towards the wizarding world several months ago. Yet somehow, he responded the very next morning.

His letter was taciturn and to the point "I arrive tomorrow afternoon."

She had to write back and forestall him. She had to arrange a meeting. She wanted to tell him everything that happened before he attempted a talk with Hermione, or else all this effort would go to waste. She knew how much Hermione loved him, but what about him?

 _I don't really know…_

His communication seemed very eager, yet she wanted to check on him in person. She couldn't just send him off to a broken Hermione and risk another nervous breakdown from her. Hermione's psychology was truly fragile.

So a week flew by with Ginny buried in guilt about passing notes under the table with her old Professor. Whenever she wavered with indecision she remembered Hermione's broken countenance and that was enough to make her take heart and continue with the daunting task of reconciling them.

She looked at the wall clock above the hearth and then her eyes turned to the door which squeaked shut as some patrons entered and shook the snow off their coats. Her cold fingers fidgeted with her sleeves and her stomach was tight with anxiety whenever the door opened and closed. When Irene, one of the owners spoke, Ginny almost jumped out of her skin.

'Do you want me to keep you some company?' Irene asked kindly. They knew each other from Hogwarts, where Irene was one of the more withdrawn Hufflepuffs. A sweet girl with clever eyes and a plump figure, who never tried to gain the attention of Gryffindor's red haired beauty. Only when Ginny had an accident on Quidditch did Irene get to attend to her in the hospital wind, as a trainee nurse, and they became friends. After graduation she decided to forsaken medicine and invest in this small coffee house and she was doing very well financially as her caring and social nature drew in many of people that finally became regulars. Especially from Hogwarts.

'I am waiting for someone, but thanks. How are you doing? How is business?' Ginny smiled.

Irene straightened 'Nothing more exciting than a couple of intoxicated brawls now and again. The usual Professors trying to get away from the teenagers. The teenagers trying to hide from their Professors, and of course the usual suspects'

'Harry is bringing over his crew here doesn't he?' Ginny asked with a playful smile.

'Trying to keep a tab on your husband? He is completely safe. He comes with the boys every Thursday as you know already' Irene flicked her shoulder easily.

Ginny smiled 'Yes, I know everything I need to know about my beloved husband. Be it good or bad'

Irene smirked 'You were one of the lucky ones. Good men are hard to find'

'Harry is a good husband and a good father,' she agreed and her heart filled with love for him. Then a dark shadow came over her 'but nothing in life is easy. Nothing comes for free,' she whispered thoughtfully.

Irene observed her silently for a few moments and then looked up towards the opening door. 'Ginny, I think your company has arrived,' she said calmly.

Ginny's body straightened unexpectedly when his tall imposing presence entered the room with steady calculated steps. Even though everyone checked him out, he gazed around unhurriedly and with envious ease for someone that was afraid of being seen in public a few months ago. 'Indeed' she murmured.

'He looks dreadfully like Snape' Irene frowned deeply.

Ginny didn't respond. She was seriously concentrated on the Professor that just spotted her and walked calmly towards her table.

'Ginny, is that Snape?' Irene dropped her voice.

She nodded bothered 'Yes he is. Now Irene keep your voice down, this meeting is very important' she hissed.

Irene straightened and her lips twisted 'I bet. He is not someone that makes everyday appearances!'

'Try to act normal!' Ginny threw at her one second before he arrived.

His eyes lingered on her for an uncomfortable length of time and she was forced to speak first under his intense scrutiny 'Good evening Professor.' She rose and offered him her hand.

He hesitantly pressed it 'Good evening Mrs. Potter' he said with his deep unforgettable voice.

'Take a seat please' she offered.

He turned to Irene and his brow rose up to his hairline. His critical gaze questioned her appearance there and she was quick to clarify everything.

'Can I get you something to eat or drink?' Irene asked politely.

'A glass of Firewhiskey' he said coldly and took his coat off.

'And a glass of red wine, Irene, thank you' Ginny added with a smile.

Irene bowed slightly and left them alone.

Ginny winced 'I probably should have chosen somewhere more private' she tried a regretful smile that faded under his strict features.

'I don't mind' he gazed around the shop.

She raised her brow 'I thought you minded getting unwanted attention. That's why you left us in the first place, wasn't it?'

'I had several reasons for leaving Mrs. Potter besides my deep dislike towards publicity' he replied heavily and offered her a heavy regard.

'Have those reasons been resolved?' she asked.

He raised his brow 'I am still working on them.'

She smiled widely and nodded 'I am very happy that you decided to communicate with me Professor, despite the circumstances.'

'Which are rather unusual, you must admit' he said pointedly.

She nodded and hesitated for several moments before speaking again 'How are you Professor Nolan?' she tried a mild approach, wanting to make him loosen up.

He quirked his lips 'Not my idea of a name I assure you, but it was too provocative to overlook. I have been doing adequately well. How about you Mrs. Potter. How is your family?' he inquired.

'The kids are fine, and Harry is doing okay' she smiled.

He raised his brow silently, preferring to keep silent there.

'Will it be too bold to thank you once again for what you did for Harry? The dark shadow that lingered over him ceased to exist after your visit,' she said with touching honesty.

'I didn't do anything extraordinary for him Mrs. Potter' he replied dryly.

'You helped him fight off his demons, not to mention that you've kept him alive all these years' she replied gravely.

'His past won't dictate who he is, but it will always be a part of who he has become. Same goes for mine,' he gazed at her coldly.

She swallowed heavily 'Am I allowed to mention his mother's bracelet?' she tried.

'It belonged to him. I was just its keeper,' he threw back at her.

'You won't accept my appreciation about anything, will you?' her brows quirked.

'No' his head shook slightly, but a faded smile appeared at the corner of his thin lips.

'Will you make my life as hard, as when you were my teacher?' she smiled openly at this discreet pleasant expression on his face.

'Old age pronounces our errors, therefore I will make it harder' he flicked his brow.

'Should I let it go then?' she asked gently.

'Let it go, and tell me why you brought me here.' he gave her an eloquent look that spoke volumes.

She bit her lower lip and gave him a curt nod 'For her.'

'Is she alright?' he leaning forth and for a moment she thought she saw those cold dark eyes moving with something undefinable.

'Yes, now she is,' she replied.

'Now _?'_ he frowned deeply.

'Your order,' Irene interrupted them.

'Thank you,' Ginny said hurriedly.

After the owner served them and left with a couple of intense looks behind her back, he resumed 'Tell me.'

She took a large sip from her wineglass 'It is rather difficult to talk to you about this. We are meeting behind her back, and I feel very guilty.'

'I feel rather uncomfortable by this arrangement also, I assure you' he admitted.

'Was it very hard for you to come here?' she asked with a small tilt of the head.

'I wouldn't have stayed away, Mrs. Potter. It was this meeting that made me uncomfortable' he replied coldly.

'You wanted to go straight to her' she said.

He raised his brow silently and his eyes gazed at her coldly.

'I needed to communicate with you before you got to see her'

'Which you already told me, so here I am at your disposal madame' he replied formally.

She observed his short hair that gave him a much younger look. His imposing figure was back in all its glory as he had gained weight. She could understand what it was that Hermione saw in him physically, but she couldn't understand how she chose to expose her heart to such a stony personality.

 _Or isn't he?..._

Just because he was talking to a former student so formally, didn't mean that he treated a lover the same way. 'Have you learned anything about Hermione since you left?' she asked and tried to find a way to ease herself into this difficult conversation.

'No' he replied.

'Do you remember her fiancee?' Her fingers curled inwards nervously into tight fists.

His brow darkened heavily 'Of course.'

'Do you know that she left Hogwarts with him that fateful day were you two fought?' She continued feeling her shoulders stiffening with apprehension.

'I know. Are they married?' he winced.

'No' she frowned.

He raised his brow 'What happened?'

'Drink some,' she pointed at his glass.

'What?' he looked at it momentarily sidetracked.

'Firewhiskey, drink some' she repeated.

'Mrs. Potter will you tell me what's going on, or will I have to force myself into your mind to get my answers?' he warned her, truly annoyed.

'Very well, suit yourself,' she muttered and leaned closer to him 'I wouldn't have exposed Hermione's secrets in this unethical manner if I wasn't certain that you care for her.' Her eyes fell heavily on him.

He remained silent.

'Deeply,' she continued unfazed.

'My feelings for Miss Granger are serious enough to bring me over to England. That should suffice to you. Now speak.' he replied flatly.

Every word she exchanged with him validated the strong belief that this man loved her best friend. Something that made the revelation that was about to take place, highly important. 'She needs you...' she whispered.

'So you said in the letter, but you haven't clarified to me why, or what happened,' he visibly tried to control his temper.

'The day she left Hogwarts on her fiancee's carriage, she got attacked, abused and almost raped by him' she hurried through the words, wanting to spit them out of her mouth before her courage failed her.

'What?' he growled and she felt huge waves of urgency escaping him. His eyes dropped any cold facade and were now burning through her. His hand grabbed hers like a vice 'What did you just say?!' His voice broke from the tension.

'She is okay now. Please let me explain,' she tried to free her hand from his iron grip.

He withdrew his hand and at the same moment pushed hers away with menace 'Do explain why you didn't tell me when I came to visit your husband first and foremost!' His commanding tone gave her pause.

'I couldn't reveal her secret. She swore me to secrecy, but I did warn you, remember? I told you that serious things have happened!' she exclaimed, trying to defend herself.

'You didn't count the enormity of that secret though. That small detail eluded you!' he pushed the table back in despise.

'Professor, please listen to me' she begged. His angry disposition was drawing unwanted attention.

'What made you decide to reveal her secrets now?' he asked her dryly.

'The need to help her, listen,' she tried, but he spoke over her again.

His eyes were demanding 'Where is she now? Is she alright?', his barely controlled anger made her highly nervous.

'She is fine. That bastard didn't cause her any serious physical harm and she cut his ear off,' she trailed off.

'What?' he looked up quickly.

'She bit his ear clean off his head' she nodded and despite the circumstances she felt sudden mirth bubbling at the pit of her stomach.

He looked at her completely lost.

 _Took me many years to silence the famous Professor Snape,_ her mind rejoiced at this small victory against his frozen personality.

'Bit his ear off?' he asked after a few silent moments of confusion.

She nodded and smiled widely.

'Good,' he whispered and lowered his skeptical eyes to his hands.

She exhaled in relief knowing that the hard part was over. They managed to get out of Hermione's rape relatively unharmed, thanks to the ear of that asshole Mark. She observed him silently as he processed the information in his own pace.

Finally his sad eyes looked back to her 'I suppose she asked you not to say anything to me,' he let the words linger.

Her heart gripped painfully and she nodded 'You don't know how much I wanted to share all this with you.'

He nodded and suddenly picked up his glass and emptied it quickly.

'Told you to drink,' she noticed and gave him a lopsided smile.

He ignored it 'Do you know his address?' His voice had a dark shade that made her skin crawl.

 _Ah, no, no, not good!_

'Wait a moment Professor! I didn't invite you here to go after Mark. Besides Harry has beat you to it. He's placed the man under strict Ministerial probation and he's awaiting trial.' she said quickly.

'I seriously doubt it,' his lips pursed.

'What?' she felt momentarily confused.

'That your husband will be beat me to that,' he said grimly and kept his piercing stare on her 'or anything else for that matter'

She swallowed nervously seeing that her words were not distracting him at all 'Look, I don't know where he lives. Also do you think it wise to end up in Azkaban?'

He raised his brow silently.

'Especially when Hermione is out there all alone, needing you?' she hurried through, trying to make him understand how important all this was.

'Mrs. Potter, you _must_ have assumed that I would follow my own route after learning this valuable information' he replied coldly.

'I called you here to tell you that Hermione needs you! That although she got over the physical damage from that encounter, she never got over,' she bit her lip anxiously.

He waited.

'She never got over your breakup!' she forced herself to speak 'I called you back for her! Not to have you chase after this bastard and end up in Azkaban!' Her voice was urgent and loud.

'After this point what I do is none of your concern Mrs. Potter. I will inquire one last time. Do you know where he lives?' he asked dryly and kept his scrutinising stare on her.

'You don't understand, do you?' she asked feeling frustration.

'I understand very well' he tilted his head gently.

'You will go after him, won't you?' she licked her lips and felt sweat breaking on her nape.

'Yes' he replied calmly.

'To kill him?' Her back shuddered.

He looked at her with frozen, inexpressive eyes and she became mad at him.

'What the hell do you think you are doing!?' she threw her hands in the air.

'Control yourself, young lady!' he spat.

'Control myself? You should control yourself! Mark didn't do her any real damage. Hermione is suffering from your loss, not his brutality. You will end up in prison and hurt her even more. What don't you understand?' Her cheeks were on fire and tears were pooling in her eyes.

'I comprehend more than you can imagine Mrs. Potter. Now keep your voice down!' he commanded dryly.

She looked around her and saw several people observing them.

'I am still working on my issues with publicity. Don't draw attention on me by acting like a bloody teenager on weed!' he hissed.

'I am sorry,' she rubbed her face trying to control the need to lash out to him and shake him to reason 'I just foresee a bleak future for you and I feel guilty for telling you.' she sounded and felt truly regretful. Her tone must have reached him, because his next words sounded softer.

'No one can foresee the future, unless you count Sybil's uncanny ability. So keep your fears and remorses at bay Madame. What you told me was seriously valued and I thank you for the trust you showed in me' his words were formal, but his tone was almost friendly.

'You mean Trelawny?' she asked, momentarily surprised.

'That's Professor Trelawney to you' he raised his brow testily.

She inhaled impatiently 'Fine, alright I get the message Professor. You won't tell me what you are going to do with Mark,' she waited.

He quirked his lips and didn't reply.

'Don't end up in prison' she gazed at him for several moments. Expecting some sign that he was taking her seriously.

'I don't intend to,' he assured her.

She felt her shoulders slouching 'Will you go to her?' Her eyes were eager.

'That is what I am here for' he replied.

She nodded 'There are some other things you should know then.'

'Tell me' he lowered his head and his eyes pierced through her impatiently.

Ginny gathered her remaining courage and spoke of all the difficult times Hermione went through. She told him about the lonely trips on their cottage and about her severe weight loss. About her becoming a social recluse and getting worse with each passing day. The bright, smiling, intelligent, social and creative woman was getting lost behind a dark cloud of depression.

'I cannot help her anymore' Ginny finally said. Tears overflowed her eyes and run down her cheeks.

He nodded thoughtfully and rubbed his face. For the second time this evening she saw him exposed. The man she saw crying in the rain for her best friend was real. He was sitting there in front of her with heavy contemplative eyes, a deep crease of worry on his brow and a heavy countenance. The way he responded to her made Ginny value her decision to speak honestly, no matter how afraid she was of his instinctive reactions towards Mark. That didn't matter anymore, it was something that her words couldn't change.

'She needs you,' she said softly.

'Are you sure?' he inquired with a lopsided smile that betrayed a faded thread of insecurity.

Ginny's heart warmed up 'More than sure' she smiled at him.

After a few contemplative moments he nodded. 'I must leave Mrs. Potter,' he said and stood up.

'When will you go to her?' she asked and stood up also.

'Very soon,' he wore his coat.

She extended her hand 'Thank you for meeting me Professor.'

He grasped it tightly 'I know it took a lot of courage to reveal all this to me. Know that I appreciate it,' he said firmly.

She felt her legs loosening and felt deeply emotional 'I hope all this won't be in vain.'

'That remains to be seen,' he rejoined heavily and released her hand.

'Take care Professor,' she smiled sadly.

'I will,' he replied and without a second glance he turned and walked to the door.

She rubbed her shoulders as his dark figure left the coffee house and the door closed behind him with a wumpth. Strong shudders run down her spine and tears down her face when she felt a wave of despair covering her heart. Was her revelation going to cause a domino effect with Mark getting killed, Snape ending up in prison and Hermione with severe depression?

It was heavy to play God…

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	41. Chapter 41

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The rain run down his burning brow, but it wasn't enough to cool him. His dragon hide boots were half buried in water that gathered from the drains of the building, but he didn't notice. His eyes gazed coldly at the man he held against the wall, but didn't see the mask of fear on that bloodstained face. Mark's left eye was torn just above the eyelid and blood cascaded down the side of his face. His right eye was punched shut with animalistic brutality. His lips were torn inside out and several teeth were broken. Snape's knuckles run bloody down his wrists and stained his black shirt under the thick sleeves of his leather coat.

The beating of Hermione's ex-fiancee had been ruthless and enveloped in blind fury no matter the begging cries of the man to be released. Severus hadn't felt such consuming wrath since his days in the Death Eater corps. His limbs were shaking by the adrenaline that flowed angry inside his veins. His fingers twitched with the need to snap this man's neck like dry branch and see the life fading in his eyes. His jawline gritted as he tried hard not to enjoy the feeling of Mark's facial bones cracking under his fist. The word rape kept feeding his bone chilling wrath time and time again, and he didn't want that to stop even though he was loosing himself as his blood burned hot.

It hadn't been difficult to find this bastard. He found out his address quite easily by invading Mrs. Potter's mind as she was talking about Hermione's troubles when they met at Hogsmeade. His Legilimency had been as impeccable as always and left no trace behind for the clever Mrs. Potter to detect. He found the house and hid in the shadows, a trait he had perfected during his spy days. He waited patiently for an opportunity to find Mark isolated enough. He longed almost orgasmicly to maim and mangle this subhuman to the last thread of his miserable existence and the opportunity came soon.

After two days and two nights of silent observation, that evening Mark decided to come a little too close to the dark alley that was next to his favourite cake shop. Snape dragged him off the street and into the dark alley so efficiently that none of the people in front of behind Mark noticed anything.

'Who are you!?' Mark's terrified voice muttered.

'I am your worst nightmare, bearing Hermione's message,' his ominous whisper loomed over Mark.

A foggy film then covered his eyes and his mind went blank. His body took over a merciless and never-ending beating that broke bones like china and send teeth flying across the street. Mark's cries for help were muted by Snape's magic instantly even though his ears had already dismissed his pleads as insignificant. He gave this bastard a taste of his own medicine, times a hundred and he enjoyed it too much for comfort.

Mark tried to punch back, but Snape's blind wrath flattened every resistance to the ground with enviable ease. All his frustrations of almost losing Hermione to this monster got vented with precise strikes on key points, meant to cause painful spasms and disability to breathe. Morbid techniques taught to the Death Eaters by Voldemort himself, which Snape didn't feel any guilt of using. Mark got kicked and punched from wall to wall like a rag doll. When his fist fractured Mark's jawline he felt it, but he didn't utter a word. When the nose broke and bled all over his hands he gritted his teeth and groaned in satisfaction. When his heavy boot broke off several rib, Snape bit his lower lip till it bled and shudders of pleasure ran down his back. Still though he remained silent. Mark didn't know why he was getting beaten to death.

Snape felt the need to address this bastard only when his own knuckles screamed in pain and were unable to offer any more efficient strikes. Holding him off the ground he hissed at Mark's blood stained face, 'You mother fucking asshole, did you dare touch Hermione?! Did you dare TOUCH HER?!' His barking accusation made Mark jerk away from him.

'NO! P-l-e-a-s-e,' the letters fell out of his mouth defeated and he shook his head from side to side spitting out more blood.

'I should have killed you right on the spot you worthless piece of meat, but I am not going in prison for you!' With renewed energy, his fist punched Mark's stomach so hard that blood was spat on his face, but that didn't deter him. 'If I see you anywhere close to Hermione I swear I will kill you, and I will make every single thread of pain last forever,' he bared his teeth.

Mark tried to nod eagerly and tears got mixed up with his pouring blood 'Please, I won't touch her, don't kill me!' he begged for his life.

'You fucking bastard!' he barked and delivered such a strong punch to his face that Mark fainted with a low key moan.

Severus grabbed him by the lapels and pulled him away from the wall. He spun him around and threw him to the paved street. Mark's limbs spread abnormally and blood poured out of his face and mingled with the rainwater from the drain pipes.

He raised his right hand and looked at his bruised knuckles. His own breath fierce and quick from the adrenaline that was pumping fiercely through his veins. He began counting inwards in order to calm down his need to kill. His skin crawled from the pleasure he had experienced from this beating. It had taken all his will to stop himself before doing Mark in once and for all. The only thing that stopped him was the fear that he was never going to see Hermione again if Mark died today. He was visibly shaking from the heat of war that burned through his heart and he shuddered knowing that his dark side was still there. Concealed masterfully in the deepest corners of his mind, but always ready to emerge.

His face was livid, observing Mark's limp body spilling out blood and tried to feel something other than satisfaction, but he couldn't. He tried to feel remorse, but no. At least this time the dark side of his personality acted on behalf of the woman he loved and not for the service of a sick master.

He gazed at the small alley. This small incident would have passed completely unnoticed, if Mark didn't manage to fire an offensive hex at one point. Snape disarmed him immediately, but the Ministerial traces on this man flared up immediately.

 _Fucking asshole..._

He glared angrily at the body and drew out his wand. He leaned down and his knee pressed on Mark's back as he stuck his wand on that broken cheek. He bared his teeth in menace. Cursing this man with Obliviate was the easiest solution. Making him forget what happened this night was the safest way out for him. The Ministry didn't have a trace on him anymore. No one would ever know it was him. He could then go to Hermione and try to sort things out with her, free of any charges on assault and heavy physical harm. Free of a possible imprisonment. His fingers relaxed on the shirt slightly and he looked up towards the darkness of the buildings that surrounded them.

 _But that would make everything pointless..._

Severus wanted this man to remember every painful punch he got. He wanted him to remember the excruciating pain from having so many bones on his body fractured. He wanted Mark to remember their little brief discussion, and he wanted him to remember the threat he delivered in the end.

 _I want him to remember everything..._

He felt torn in two with indecision. If he didn't cast an Obliviate then Mark would go after him. If he did then Mark wouldn't remember anything. He inhaled deeply and felt defeated, even before he withdrew his wand from Mark's cheek. The need to have this man remember this morbid lesson was stronger than his self perseverance.

He pushed Mark to the ground and spat on him 'Cocksucker,' he muttered.

T _hey are coming for you, aren't you going to run?…_ the fleeting thought made him waver with indecision.

He shook his head and tucked his wand behind his back. The Aurors were going after him one way or the other, so there was no point in running away. So he stood there, getting drenched by the rain and rubbing his bruised knuckles in order to soothe them. The Aurors didn't disappoint and soon enough three apparated right in front of him.

He looked up disinterested.

'Show me your wand' the warning was strict.

He pointed behind his back silently.

'Hands in the air, behind your head and away from the wand' the voice continued.

He did as he was told.

The Auror took the wand from his back pocket.

'Hands down and behind you back,' the Auror said.

Snape pursed his lips 'Get on with it,' he bit with a tight jaw.

The hex bound his hands tightly. He winced feeling stupidly happy for not casting an Obliviate on his victim, even if that meant a possible trip to Azkaban.

The voice that was heard next, made him look up with a deep frown though, 'Release him'

He eyes gazed steadily at the third figure that walked through the misty street. The Auror stopped in front of Mark and observed him silently for a few moments. Then his muddy boot pushed the unconscious body over without too much respect and revealed the destroyed face.

'Sir, we must arrest this man,' the Auror behind him exclaimed.

'Release the Professor Leroy and tend to this piece of shit' the third Auror said dismissively.

Severus smirked when he felt the bounds melting to the ground 'Good afternoon, Mr. Potter'

'Good afternoon, Professor' Harry replied with a lopsided smile 'Jarred, please return the Professor's wand.'

The second Auror gave him back his wand and turned for instructions to his boss.

'Return to the Ministry. We are fine here' Harry dismissed him.

'Yes Sir' he bowed and disapparated with a whoosh.

'Does it feel nice to order people around?' Severus raised his brow.

'Yes it does. Have you forgotten the feeling?' Harry approached him calmly.

Severus pursed his lips 'No'

'Sometimes it can also be rather useful, right?' Harry looked at him with a soft smirk.

'Indubitably' he smirked knowingly.

Harry observed the alley casually 'Out for a walk this evening Professor ?'

Severus smiled darkly and looked around him 'Yes, felt the need to take in the air.'

'Fresh after the rain, isn't it?' Harry crossed his arms behind his back.

'Unmeasurably invigorating' Severus agreed.

'Peculiar choice for a walk though, you must admit' Harry rejoined this banter.

'It's befitting the darkness of my personality' Severus gave a faded smile.

Harry nodded 'How about this?' he touched Mark's unconscious body with his boot.

Severus spoke in a calm voice 'That's befitting the _vileness_ of my personality'.

The man that was attending Mark gazed from one to the other discreetly, but didn't speak.

'So what happened here this evening?' Harry asked.

'Just two acquaintances crossing paths. Dull typical event, you know,' he replied offhandedly.

'You two just happened to be on the same road?' Harry asked.

'Yes,' he replied.

'So you decided to greet each other?' Harry smirked.

'Of course,' he rejoined quickly catching up to Harry's game.

'How did your fists got in the way of that greeting?' Harry's eyes were playfully questioning.

'I owed something to this man, and that wasn't just words.' His brow creased.

'Did your past catch up with you?' Harry thrust his chin towards him.

He scrounged his lips 'No, this time it was someone else's past that caught up with me.'

Harry nodded 'Someone important?'

'Very,' he retorted heavily.

'Walk with me Professor,' Harry indicated the paved street.

Severus followed him and they stopped a few feet away. There Harry dropped all the facade 'Well, that was very risky of you.'

'It was also very well worth it,' Snape flicked his shoulders calmly.

'You must have known that we were going to come. His traces got activated when he used an offensive hex against you' Harry looked back at the unconscious body.

'I knew,' he replied.

'Why didn't you leave?' Harry asked.

'I don't run away anymore Potter. From anything,' he rejoined firmly.

'I've noticed, but this time your running would've been the easiest solution,' Harry looked at him seriously 'For all of us,' he added.

'I never meant to corner you with my risky attitude' he was unable to stop the dryness of his tone.

Harry inhaled patiently 'Don't get confused about my feelings towards what you did Professor. My personal opinion is just different from my professional'

Severus raised his brow questioningly.

'I wanted to fuck this bastard up long before you did, but it was difficult to do it without compromising my job at the Ministry,' Harry said with barely constant anger.

'I kept your slate clean then, be thankful,' he threw back.

Harry sighed and rubbed his forehead 'The last thing I want, is you behind bars,' he said honestly.

'I would have made life easier for you, but someone's dignity was far more important than either of us,' he said gravely.

'Hermione?' Harry asked.

His eyebrow quirked.

'If it was her you were thinking off, then you should have run away. Will it do her any good to see you in Azkaban?' Harry frowned.

'That dickhead knows who rearranged the bone structure of his face. Don't you think he was going to press charges against me anyway?' he said patiently.

'Fine! Why didn't you use a freaking Obliviate on him then? That would have saved us from all the trouble' Harry said exasperated.

He lowered his head 'Casting an Obliviate would have made all the trouble pointless, wouldn't it?' he asked calmly.

Harry's eyes looked at him searchingly for a few moments. Finally he nodded in defeat 'You are right,' he admitted.

Severus rubbed his bruised hand 'Thank Gods I don't have to convince you of the blindingly obvious anymore,' he muttered.

Then Potter's unexpected chuckle made him look up 'You really fucked him up, didn't you?'

'I assure you that I had to refrain from killing him' he replied with a coldness that was deeply unnerving.

Harry's smile faded 'I am glad you didn't. No one wants you behind bars' he said.

'So you said before.'

'Someone informed you of what happened to her then,' Harry resumed after a brief silent moment, were they measured each other.

'Indeed'

'Who?' Harry frowned.

'It won't be very polite to reveal names. Let's just say I have the ability to read minds, therefore I could have found out the info whether someone spoke to me or not,' he looked at the unconscious body disinterested. The small talk with Potter had managed to calm down his feverish blood. He felt composed once again.

Harry sighed feeling the difficulty of this situation falling heavy on his shoulders 'What are we going to do about this mess?'

You are going to arrest me,' Severus's brows quirked testily.

Harry looked at him seriously, but remained silent. That is when his assistant interrupted them 'I did all I could for him Sir, but we need to take him to a hospital. He is severely hurt. I send a flare for St. Mungo. Shall I escort Professor Snape to the Ministry unbound?' he asked.

Severus gazed at Harry steadily.

Potter felt his stomach twisting, but the hesitation was minimal when his firm voice commanded 'The Professor is free of charges, Jarred. We won't accompany him anywhere. He is free to go.'

Severus's brow rose slowly.

'Sir?' Jarred frowned in confusion.

'We will discuss this back at the Ministry,' Harry dismissed him with as much professionalism as his actions could back up.

'Sir, the Minister _must_ know of your actions, for they are illegal,' the Auror looked at Severus.

'The Minister will be informed personally about what took place here. For now you are ordered to return back to the office and write your official report.' Harry's voice was dry and his eyes unwavering.

Severus observed with great interest the way Potter commanded his men around. Admittedly he was doing a very good job out of authority, which was something he never expected from this boy in the past.

'Very well Sir,' Jarred said and whooshed out of sight.

'Well, he's gonna bring trouble, but it was well worth it as you wisely said,' Harry smirked.

'What did you just do?' Severus's frown deepened and his eyes checked this young man under a new light altogether.

'I thought it was rather clear,' Harry said, 'I am letting you go.'

Severus paused with uncertainty 'Why?'

Harry quirked his lips 'I am paying my debts, not to mention that I cannot arrest you for something I wanted to do also,' he flicked his shoulders.

Severus raised both brows and nodded 'Thank you.'

'No need to thank me. You've kept me alive all these years. This is the least I can do to repay you,' Potter's eyes were open and honest and Severus felt his heart stirring unexpectedly.

'You won't be able to get out of this easily,' he noticed.

'Kingsley simply adores you, so I'll use your name for our benefit,' Harry winked.

Severus allowed a small lopsided smile to appear on his lips 'You weren't an entire waste of _effort_ Mr. Potter.'

Harry huffed 'That's the best compliment I've ever got from you Professor. Thank you.'

'The best compliment you've got from me was having your mother's eyes,' Severus said quietly with a soft smile upon his lips.

Harry's eyes watered and he licked his lips. The emotions ran up his throat and got spewed out of his mouth in the most unexpected manner 'You bled all over my hands and I tried…I tried to stop the bleeding. I am sorry for failing you Professor,' he muttered heavily. The moments these words reminded both of them felt like a heavy blanket.

'Name is Severus,' Snape swallowed heavily.

Harry's hand wiped a stray tear and he tried to sober up in front of his old Professor 'I tried to be there for you in the end, but I failed,' his voice was broken..

'I was dying, Mr. Potter…' he lingered a moment too long and Harry rushed.

'Harry, not Mr. Potter. Please,' his eyes filled with unspoken emotions.

'I was dying Harry, you couldn't have done anything. I looked at the eyes of your mother. You gave me my last wish. I didn't need anything more,' he said gravely.

Harry's eyes then overflowed with tears 'Thank you for keeping me alive and for putting up with my snobbish attitude.'

Severus huffed and lowered his eyes to the paved street 'When you manage to overcome the fame of your name, you are a worthy young man,' he looked up at Harry.

Harry cracked a sad smile 'I get the reproach.'

'Your fame cannot sustain you through life's hardships. You've seen the evil of this world. Expand yourself and your abilities, away from the past that is connected with your name.' Severus voice was heavy and pressing. He knew that Lily would've said the same things to Harry, had she been alive. He had always been her messenger, no matter his bruising ways. He was not going to change that now.

Harry looked at his shoes for several moments 'I will try, thank you,' he whispered.

'Stop thanking me,' Severus rubbed his forehead. It was one thing to care for this young man, and another to show it.

Harry smiled widely 'You like me, don't you? Even though you declared the opposite all these years, you do like me!'

Severus felt his heart smiling, but he was not ready to admit any emotional drivel to Potter. The half smile that awoke on his lips bespoke of his true feelings, even though his words said the opposite 'Didn't I just tell you to get over yourself?' He chastised.

Harry harked 'I went too far'

'Oh, yes you did,' Severus warned.

Harry nodded in agreement and turned towards the unconscious Mark.

Severus nodded with that discreet ability of knowing exactly what was going on through Harry's mind 'This asshole remembers who beat him up. It will be difficult to cook up any evidence', he said seriously.

Harry gazed back at him quickly 'Did you just read my mind?'

Severus flicked his shoulders, but didn't answer.

Harry sighed 'It's Mark's word against ours, and with his criminal record, especially on abusing women, no one will believe him. It won't be hard to leak all this information to a couple of willing reporters.'

Severus scrutinised him and Harry felt his indecision and hurried on 'You will have to trust the Minister and me in this case Severus. Can you do that?'

'I can try,' he winced.

'We can help you. You don't deserve any punishment for dealing appropriately with this shithouse,' Harry threw a hateful look at the unmoving body in the water. That is when the red hospital flare shone bright above the alley. Harry grasped Severus's arm 'I wish we could talk some more Severus, but you have to leave! I don't want anyone else to see you here,' Harry looked around him urgently.

'Take care,' Severus told him.

'Are you going to her _?'_ Harry asked and grasped his hand eagerly.

Severus nodded 'Yes'

'Assisting nature,' Harry smiled mystically.

Severus frowned confused, but Harry didn't give him another chance. He pushed him and cried 'Go, go, GO,' and Severus disapparated quickly with a crispy sound.

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	42. Chapter 42

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His boot touched the rough ground, just as his shapeshifting misty form began to turn back to his formidable original shape and Minerva's restricted smile widened. He looked up at them and remained faithfully unmoving, just one step outside the grounds of Hogwarts.

She noticed and approached him, followed closely by the deputy Headmaster 'Impressive exit five months ago. More impressive entrance today,' she held his cold gaze, gracefully.

'Nice to see you Minerva,' then his eyes lowered, 'Filius' he acknowledged.

'Always a pleasure to witness your superb ability at flight' the deputy Headmaster offered.

Severus tilted his head slightly 'I hope I didn't catch you at a bad moment?'

'I was notified the moment you passed through the first wards, outside Hogsmeade. I am very glad to see you again even though I thought we've said our mutual goodbyes once and for all' Minerva raised her brow seriously.

'I didn't come back for you,' he shook his head haughtily, but didn't take her reproach seriously.

'I know,' she lingered.

He raised his brow.

'She's just finishing Potions with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw,' she offered with a knowing half smile.

He tilted his head 'Thank you.'

'Good luck,' she chimed in as he bypassed them. Then she turned to Filius 'Come on cheer up my lovely man. Let's go pick up some Chanterelles. Rubeus mentioned that they have blossomed in the forbidden forest once again this year. Will make a good addition to our chicken stew.'

'Haven't had Chanterelles in many years. I wonder what made them reappear,' Filius smiled and followed her spiffily.

'Positive energy returned to our home once again,' she smiled smugly.

'Positive energy?' He gave her a quizzical smile.

She turned to him with an eager nod 'Yes, didn't you see it flying down on us just now?'

Filius eyes widened 'Severus?'

'He has no idea how wonderfully beautiful his aura has become. Ever since he returned to us, even through the hardships, his magic flowed through the castle, rejuvenating it. I wonder if Albus has ever considered asking Severus to become the new Keeper. The castle hasn't had one since Albus died,' she said thoughtfully.

Filius laughed 'I don't think either of them would have enjoyed that arrangement.'

Minerva smiled dryly 'You are right, nevertheless we can reap the benefits of his visits can't we? Onwards and upwards Professor Flitwick, till we find the bloody mushrooms!' Filius shook his head happily and they both walked briskly down the small path to Hagrid's cabin.

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In the meantime in the Potion's classroom something else was brewing...

'Mr. Cooper, did you pay any attention to the instructions? The African red pepper was meant to be crushed, NOT liquified,' Hermione pointed at the blackboard.

The boy's gaze fell to the rash that was itching his skin to the point of madness and opted for silence. Professor Granger's mood had turned really nasty this year and he didn't want to to provoke her anger. She threw detentions at them for the smallest cause. She was even surpassing the fame of the old Potions Master Severus Snape, that had the worst reputation for patience. He swallowed and tried to count inwards until her wrath would send him running out of the classroom and hopefully into the infirmary. Her angry voice made him jerk back instinctively.

'Get out of here and visit the infirmary immediately. Afterwards return so I can give you a proper detention with Professor Hooch. Also ten points from Ravenclaw,' she barked.

'But Madame the rest of us didn't misbehave! You cannot punish us all just because he messed up his hands!' Miss Wright, one of the brightest Ravenclaws objected.

Hermione raised her finger angrily 'Don't raise your voice or there will be another three points from your house Bella!'

The girl sat down again, fuming 'Someone should give her a tranquilliser,' her best friend whispered.

'She should get her laid, she's becoming impossible!' Bella rejoined quietly and then bit her lip in remorse. Still having so many points taken from her house felt very unfair. Agatha was trying to suppress her hysterical giggles next to Bella, but Hermione's eyes were solely on Mr. Cooper and his red hands.

Hermione inhaled deeply and her eyes speared the boy. Trying to ram basic knowledge down their throats some days felt impossible and today in particular it became almost dangerous _._ Realising that she didn't only use Snape's words when thinking of her students, but she had also adopted his hateful behaviour didn't make things easier on her. She glared at the boy that picked up his bag with the help of his friend Bella and ran out of the class and then tried to sit down behind her desk. Impossible. She could no longer concentrate enough to teach them and they were three minutes from the end of the class anyway. She decided to dismiss them early instead.

'Everyone label your potion and bring it to my desk. The assignment for next week is on the board,' she sat down, feeling and looking exhausted. The need to remain alone was great.

She turned her weary eyes to the newspaper that was atop some articles next to her hand. The Elves brought her the morning paper with her breakfast every day since school started. She was secretly hoping to catch some news of Severus, even after all this time. That was her only way of knowing if he was alright. Instead today she got some very shocking news about another man from her past.

Her lips twisted in disgust as she raised the paper and read the article for the umpteenth time. The destroyed face of Mark was at the headlines. He was wrapped in bandages, a thick tube sticking out of his mouth and a smaller one out of his nose. Both eyes were puffed shut and his jawline and cheekbone broken. He was almost unrecognisable. If she hadn't read the name in the article she wouldn't have thought this picture to be her ex-fiancee.

"Marcus Icarus Gilbert, recently fired Divination Professor from the famous school of Hogwarts was brutally attacked close to his home in the wizarding district of Manchester. Professor Gilbert was unable to give any statements on his attack as he is currently comatose. The Aurors are investigating both the attack and his own criminal record. Five months ago the Professor was accused of physical abuse and attempted rape on his fiancee Professor Hermione Granger, Potions Mistress in Hogwarts. He was charged promptly and placed under Ministerial probation. He is currently awaiting trial. The Ministry officials don't believe those two incidents are linked. He is attended in the emergency rooms of St. Mungo, and his condition is critical, but not life threatening. His parents claim they will never stop until they get satisfactory answers about this unfair and brutal attack on their son. Amarina Gilbert, a former member of the Wizengamot who knows the inside workings of the Ministry will have her answers sooner or later, officials say. The search for any possible suspects is currently active although there are suspicions that this was simply a vicious case of robbery, but there are currently no witnesses."

Her stomach rolled in satisfaction at his comeuppance that seemed to have come from the Gods, yet it felt too much of a coincidence. Her mind fled to Harry immediately and her brows creased with worry. Could he had done this on her behalf? She had to talk to him. Her eyes remained on the destroyed face of this alien on the newspaper. A man she was ready to marry and start a family with. A man she hardly recognised today physically. A man she stopped recognising emotionally the day he attacked her on his carriage. A man she never truly got to know. Then her heart dropped and she felt tears welling. Not because she felt remorse for this bastard. On the contrary she felt mildly annoyed at whoever did the job for not finishing it. She was simply disappointed with her life, with her choices and with how everything turned out. She was betrayed by both Mark and Severus, even though she tried her best with both of them. With Mark at least at the beginning. With Severus till the very end. Mark almost raped her and Severus…well he disappeared, happy to see the last of her.

She sighed and placed the paper down. There was no use contemplating on the past. Her head heavy and her heart was thumping hard on her neck. She wanted to crawl back to her apartments, have a warm bath, force herself to eat something and then pass out in her bed for the rest of the weekend.

She sighed patiently and observed the students delivering their half brewed potions one by one. Her silent gaze scrutinised the inadequate saturation in most bottles with heavy disappointment. Her mind chastised her for not teaching those kids properly, just because her heart was malfunctioning for several months now.

When the last bottle was placed on the desk and the last student left the classroom in a hurry she stood up wearily and gathered her articles and books. She stacked their homework on top and slowly walked out of the classroom. She would return to check on the potions tomorrow morning. She was in no condition to work on them today. She locked the doors and turned to the corridor that was occupied with some mild commotion. She frowned unable to find out its cause and started walking towards her rooms that were on the other side of the castle, in Gryffindor tower.

'Did you see him _?'_ A girl whispered to her friends as they scattered quickly to the opposite direction.

Hermione frowned and her fingers found a painful spot on her temples and rubbed gently in order to alleviate the pain.

'I did, it's him!' Another hurried whisper came from another passing group and Hermione turned to them with a scrutinising frown. As she did, she missed Jenna Richardson, a Slytherin Senior that had turned her head backwards also and they collided.

She bounced back clumsily with a yelp and all her papers and books fell to the floor with a loud thumb.

'Oh, I am sorry Professor!' The girl said and kneeled down in order to help her.

'It's fine Jenna, go,' Hermione dismissed the girl angrily.

'I can help you!' Miss Richardson insisted to Hermione's vexation.

'I said leave!' She ordered with a dark glare that send the girl running down the hallways.

'I am sorry Professor,' her voice echoed once more behind Hermione's back.

'Fuck off,' she whispered, cursing not the girl, but her own lack of attention and began gathering her books. Children's shoes kept shuffling past her and a random 'Do you need help Professor?' Kept popping up now and again.

Something that she dismissed with a dry 'No' each and every time.

Finally she managed to pile up her books and add the articles and the children's homework above them. The last ungraded paper had landed several feet away when she had last seen it, but after finishing she searched for it in vain. It was gone. 'What the hell, where is it?' she muttered in confusion.

That is when a black dragon hide boot stopped in front of her. She inhaled sharply. Someone kneeled and before she had the time to see his face, his deep, velvety, unforgettable voice made her stomach flip 'Are you looking for this?' Long delicate fingers that had once ignited such fiery passion on her body offered her the last paper.

 _Severus?!…_ her mind screamed. A moan of refusal got trapped in her windpipes, unable to get released.

 _Oh, bloody demons, it's HIM…_

Her eyes rose quickly to his and she covered her quivering mouth. 'Am I dreaming?' she whispered.

He smiled sadly and placed her paper on top of the pile carefully 'If you are dreaming, would you deem this a nightmare?' he gazed at her with those black penetrating eyes that burned holes into her soul.

'I am dreaming for sure,' she nodded quickly, not wanting to acknowledge that he was kneeling there in front of her, as handsome as she had always seen him.

'We are sharing the same dream then,' he gave a careless flick of the shoulders.

She slowly stood up and he mimicked her. His breathtaking darkness magnetised all her cells to his direction. The only thing that felt pleasantly alien was his short hair and his body that looked filled out and strong. No more skeletal ghost in baggy clothes, a sad reminder of the original. This was the original in all its grace and glory. Her breath was still trapped and her stomach full with butterflies. Her instinctive reactions made her angry at herself and she stiffened against him defensively.

'Severus?' she whispered, wanting in some manner to make sure that he was there.

'You got the name right,' he replied with a soft smile.

'What the hell are you doing here?' she slowly started coming to her senses and felt the traces of anger crawling up her spine.

'Would the overworked hit line -I was in the neighbourhood- work?' he tilted his head slightly, looking so uncertain.

She slowly frowned 'No.'

'How about -I came to help you pick up your mess?-' he asked cleverly. She felt his need to shift the mood, because she felt frozen inside out and she projected it on him clearly.

'No' she shook her head again becoming more stiff by the minute.

He bit down on both lips and looked at his hands for several seconds.

She shook her head unable to believe that he was standing there, with that adorable black scarf around his neck and his long leather coat. Getting seriously scrutinised by several students that stopped to see what's going on. Even though his body looked impressively stronger, even though his hair was much shorter and he was out of his usual robes, everyone knew who this man occupying the complete attention of Professor Granger was. He was a celebrity, whether he wanted to be one or not.

'Then how about -I came to see you-' he said firmly and his black eyes ran through her with a tension that was palpable.

Her heart missed several beats and she inhaled sharply 'I wouldn't believe you' she replied quickly.

He looked at her seriously. He opened his mouth to object to her rejection, but exhaled and lingered. His warm eyes trying to reach out to her cold ones. After a few silent moments of uncertainty he spoke softly. His velvety undertones almost undoing her kneecaps, but the hurt part of her heart had become strong against his influence all those months she had been alone 'I have no other reason for coming. Only you,' he whispered.

She huffed 'You have no reasons and no excuses -period!' She snapped.

She met his stare boldly and he didn't avert his eyes.

'No, I don't' he admitted quietly.

'So what did you expect? To return half a year later and get a warm welcome?' Her pained heart allowed anger to take over. It was the only feeling that could numb the pain he reignited.

 _How dare he turn the tables on me!…_

'No warm welcomes. I just wanted to see you,' he replied calmly, never taking his sad eyes from her.

'Fine you saw me, now leave!' She dismissed him. She wanted her feet to turn the other way and walk away from him, but her heart was not in it.

'Hermione, please,' his voice was as pleading as his words. His tone so different from the dry and haughty nature of his usual self. She frowned loftily at him.

By now small groups had gathered around them, listening in on what was supposed to be a private conversation. Didn't he mind getting scrutinised by students this way? Once upon a time he was hiding from his own shad but now...She gazed at him steadily, wanting to understand why he was there and at the same moment wanting to run away from him.

'What?' Her voice was dry and cold.

'I don't want to just see you, I also want to talk to you' he said quietly. His body gave her the impression that he wanted to come closer, but he didn't dare.

 _Good…_ her mind rejoiced.

'What changed your mind and suddenly you want to communicate?' she let all the irony she could slip into that sentence, wanting to hurt him bad.

'Can we at least try to have this discussion somewhere more private?' he looked sideways, for a moment seeming uneasy.

C _ome one girl, this looks hard on him. At least try…_ her mind offered, but her egotism backfired sturdily.

'Who told you I want to have any kind of discussions with you?' she asked coldly.

He sighed with a heavy nod 'Very well then, don't talk to me. Can you at least listen to me, because I have a few things I want to say to you' his tone was measured, patient.

'I don't want to listen to what you have to say to me,' she retorted with a rudeness that made her heart squeeze painfully. Hurting him was hurting her, but she wasn't going to back down. He came back too late. It was too late.

His dark eyes pooled on her, lingering with such unspoken tension that ripples of apprehension shot down her back. He didn't know how easy it was to make her body respond to him only by his intense stare and it was for the best. After those words she half expected him to turn around and leave her, but he didn't. He crossed his fingers patiently and his broad shoulders straightened 'I am not getting anywhere, am I?' he asked himself.

'No, now leave,' she ordered him and this time her legs obeyed. She made a u-turn and took the first step, but his voice stopped her foot mid air. How much she hated him for that.

'Listen please,' he tried again.

She turned and saw his hand outstretched towards her back. It quickly dropped under her warning glance. 'Make it quick,' she spat wanting to see him breaking.

He sighed thoughtfully and offered her a sad but resolute gaze that almost peaked through to her heart. Apparently her bruising ways were not enough for him to back off. She didn't know if she like that or not yet. 'I don't know if what I've done to you was so serious, but I think that what we've been through could earn me a few moments of unbiased audience. Do you agree?' He tried another approach.

She felt something abandoning inside and her shoulders slouched fractionally. It was not as if he was asking her for anything monumental. Just a small audience. Unbiased or not was another issue. Her hurt self, masked behind her anger temporarily backed off. She rubbed her forehead feeling tired to the bone 'Fine then, follow me and make it quick,' she barked.

'Thank you. After you,' he gave her a polite tilt of the head and pointed elegantly in front of him.

 _What a gentleman..._ her mind spat and she walked in front of him.

She led them to her classroom through all the curious gazes of the teenagers that seemed too excited by what was taking place outside the Potions classroom. When the doors closed behind them she made it for her desk. Wanting to feel the security of her domain as a steady pillar of strength at this sensitive moment, but also in desperate need to lean somewhere her buckling knees, she reached her desk. Her extremities were shaking. 'You got your audience, now make use of it!' she told him with a haughtiness that was so unlike her.

He didn't seem to be taken aback by her rudeness. 'Potions taking place here now?' he inquired.

'Yes.'

'What made you return to this after Slughorn's elaborate choices?' His heavy regard fell on her.

She shuddered unwillingly 'Took your words at heart,' she rebuked honestly.

His look was so firmly penetrating that her spine curled inwards. She swallowed heavily and remained silent. 'How are you doing?'

'Very well as you can see,' she tried a smug smile that judging from his next words failed to impress.

Her sarcasm was not lost in him 'I see the exact opposite.'

She raised her brows surprised 'Did you drag me in here to give me such thoughtful compliments?'

'I didn't drag you anywhere. You allowed me an unbiased audience remember?' he said gravely.

'And you are using the little time I gave you, to tell me I look awful?' she frowned resentfully.

'Awful is an understatement. You actually look like hell,' he winced and his eyes sparkled with worry.

'Why thank you,' her lips curled up in disgust.

'Grow up!' he threw at her so suddenly that she sobered up quickly. 'Dripping poison on me is okay, but don't dare make fun of your health. Look at you. How many pounds have you lost? Are you even eating at all?' he asked with a passion that flattened her to the wall.

She suddenly felt weak against him and took on the offensive again before he tackled her down completely. 'Do you want to convince me that you care about my health? You are such a fucking hypocrite!' She threw at him with as much hatred as her voice could produce.

'Apparently I do care a lot!' he hurled back. His black beautiful eyes were warm and honest, touching some unscathed part of her heart, to her hot objection.

She lashed out to him 'Hide back in your hole and don't try to act chivalrous. It doesn't suit you!' Her body was shuddering repeatedly and her skin was prickly from the adrenaline that run in her veins.

'I got tired of hiding. Haven't you read the newspapers?' he drew back and crossed his arms. Her words didn't seem bruising enough to send him running.

'Do you think I have nothing better to do? Do you perchance think I pass my miserable time cutting out newspapers articles about you? Maybe I am arranging them in an album to have something to remember you by since you made a good job out of disappearing on everyone. Also, Severus,' she smirked hatefully 'I don't need you to care about me.' The irony of her words welled up tears close to her eyes and her stomach dropped in frozen water. Her body was betraying her need to look strong, decisive and derisive against his advances.

He remained silent, his eyes sorrowful.

She walked towards the stained windows and held her shoulders in order not to fall apart in front of him. No. No, she wouldn't look weak in front of him. She couldn't. She shouldn't. He was her enemy. He was the one that broke her.

He let the moments roll in thick silence and looked at his long fingers. It took a lot of courage to speak the next words because it was the first time in years that he was admitting weakness towards anyone 'My heart won't listen to you Hermione. I care a lot, even though you don't want me to,' he said softly.

Her kneecaps unlocked and she emptied herself on the window ledge. 'How dare you _?'_ she hissed and her eyes turned to him accusingly.

He swallowed heavily.

'How dare you return after kicking me out of this fucking relationship in the worst way possible? How dare you appear all debonair and calm when you abandoned me without a trace. No one could get in touch with you in case of an emergency. You left this world behind as if it never existed for you. As if I never existed for you. How dare you demand my attention after all this time? How dare you speak of your heart to me, when I know that you are heartless?' Her anger got washed away in a river of bitterness and the tears lingered just there, at the edge of her eyes.

'You think too low of me. Whatever I did was solely for your sake,' he rejoined heavily.

'Don't turn the tables around Severus! What happened was your fault alone! You are inexcusable and bloody unforgivable! Even if what you say is true and you had me at heart when you decided to end us _,_ why didn't you contact me all those months?' Her face was distorted from the pain searing through her heart.

'I didn't want to bother you. I thought you'd have settled down with your fiancée,' the quietness of his voice didn't manage to extinguish the fire in her chest.

'Very well, your robust sense of propriety kept you at bay for many months, so what happened now all of a sudden? Why did you decide to bother me now!?' she spat vehemently.

'I got word that you were unwell Hermione, and nothing could have kept me away,' his eyes speared through her.

The tight knot in her throat pulsated 'Who spread such a lie _?'_ she hissed with hatred.

His face settled in a grave frown of disapproval that made her shoulders straighten 'Would breaching the trust of this person please you?'

'Yes it would! Especially since they dragged you here with lies!' she spat angrily and showed him her trembling back.

'No one can drag me anywhere I am not willing to be dragged to,' he voice was heavy.

She remained silent, willing her tears to stay trapped.

'So I was told a lie, right?' He asked after a few moments with a calmer tone.

'Yes,' she felt her lips curling downwards.

'Your profound weight loss?' he asked with a gentleness that caused her heart to reach out to him unwillingly.

'I like looking like hell. Do you mind?' she hurled back at him coldly.

'I do mind awfully, but my opinion doesn't matter anymore,' he frowned thoughtfully.

'No it doesn't,' she fenced him word for word, and yet he was still there a few feet away from her, not backing down.

'So I am obviously bothering a very happy woman,' he lingered.

'As a matter of fact yes. Me and my husband are very happy indeed. Now if you please,' she felt her tongue swollen and her mouth dry. The lies. Oh, the lies.

'I know you are not married Hermione,' his voice was unyielding, not allowing her an inch this time.

Her back shuddered and her stomach tightened. Her palms froze and so did her feet.

'How do you know so many details about my life? Have you been spying on me?' she turned around with a fierceness that reminded him of the Hermione he came to love.

'Not as such, although I have been tempted,' he said openly.

'What else do you know?' she said under her breath.

'Nothing more than what I see. You are unhappy,' his handsome brow creased darkly.

'You came here to pity me? You came here because you thought I might need your pity? Undeceive yourself master and leave! I don't need you! I didn't marry Mark, because he turned out to be a bigger bastard than you!' she attacked him suddenly, wanting to lash out to any direction. The one thing that she feared the most had happened. Severus came back because of pity. She was trying so hard not to cry that her body was in pain.

'I never pitied you,' his eyes looked at her abhorred even at the idea of such a thing 'I came back because all those months I've been living in hell. The only thing that stopped me from storming the castle to finding you was the knowledge that you were a happily married woman. When I found out this wasn't true I gave up everything to come back. Apparently I wasn't fast enough,' he said with an intimacy that finally released her tears.

She felt them running down her face in rivulets, but didn't want to raise her hand and wipe them off. 'What are you telling me?' Her voice broke.

'I am telling you that all this time I was suffocating! I couldn't live without you! I am asking your forgiveness for the way I treated you back then. I am telling you how sorry I truly am,' he came up behind her and his desperate apology echoed through her spine and banged angrily on the steel doors of her heart.

'It's too late, I am not willing to give you my forgiveness,' she whispered and her heart objected with her coldness and refilled her eyes with more tears. Tears that would never end.

'It's so hard to reveal my emotions Hermione. I have never done so, for any woman, not even Lily. I always kept what I felt for myself, but with you I am making a try. I am trying to make you understand!' His voice broke in the end and she closed her eyes.

'Understand? You made love to me and then send me away like some insignificant whore. I was ready to give up everything for you. You stole my life away. You stole my breath away,' she accused him with a broken whisper.

'I decided what was best for you, without asking your opinion, and it was the most serious mistake I've ever done in my life. I couldn't offer you the life you deserved and dragging you down my hell was a nightmare I couldn't endure. Egotistically I decided to end us trying to convince myself I was doing it for your own good, when in reality,' he lingered and she turned to him. Her face livid and her eyes steaming but steady on his, unwavering. He took heart 'In reality I did it because it was easier on my skin. Exactly as you said. You'd been right. I was unable to do the right thing for us. I was a bloody coward, but I am here now. I am trying to do the right thing now. I thought by leaving you I'd allow you to be happy with another man. Safe, secure and free of all the chains that burdened me. I was certain that I was going to find my own small place on earth and live peacefully till the end of my days. Not chasing after fiery young women that took my breath away by their passion, but I was mistaken. I've seen heaven only when I held you in my arms. I gave you up and spent the rest of my days regretting what I've done. I was unable to revoke my dreadful actions, until now. I cannot find any peace on this earth without you. Gods are my witnesses that I would have chosen to live in hell, had I known that you are happy. You are not though, are you? You've never been happy since we broke up,' his eyes filled with unspeakable sadness.

Her eyes though speared him fiery and accusing, and her mouth harked 'You destroyed us. Hadn't I felt the same for you? I've felt all that and even more,' her self preservation gave way to the overwhelming bitterness that was spilling out of her blackened heart.

'Hermione,' he tried to approach.

'Stand back!' she ordered 'The moment I saw you struggling for breath in front of the iron gates something stirred deep inside. I couldn't name it,' she smirked,' maybe I didn't want to name it. Now I can call it an infatuation, but it didn't remain such. As time flew by and I got to know you better that small infatuation grew up into something so powerful and total that it consumed everything else in me. In your comatose state I confided in you my unwillingness to continue with Mark. I wanted you to hear me!' She tightened her jaw line, 'I wanted you to know how unhappy I was with him and intervene. I wanted you to do something to make me hate him, to make me leave him. I wanted you to steal my heart, because you deserved it. I wanted you to make me not forget you, and you did it...bloody hell you did it really good,' she frowned.

His eyes filled with tears and he clutched his mouth with white knuckled fingers.

She continued mercilessly, wanting to confide everything. Wanting him to hurt as much as she had been hurting all this time 'But did you deserve my heart Severus? I thought you were the only one made for me. I wanted to live my life with you and I was so ready to do it. You gave us a mighty kick and brought it all down in a pile of embarrassment, resentment and bitterness. When you pushed me out of your life, when you told me so coldly that you weren't ready to give up everything for me I decided to leave my bruised heart in your hands. I left you Severus, but my heart remained with you. Now I don't intend to return to you or to my dead heart. I don't care about you anymore, nor about my heart. Whether you deserved it or not, it's dead,' her hands were shaking hard and a small choked sob awoke from her chest.

'Hermione, please forgive me for everything I have done to you, forgive me,' he tried with as much gentleness as his need to sweep her in his arms allowed. Her body was so dismissive though. He couldn't approach her.

'It feels like I am trying to breathe underwater,' she muttered and shook her head in despair. 'How dare you bleed me all over again? Are you this heartless?' she sobbed.

'Hermione, don't cry, please,' he was unable to stop his voice from breaking, but she didn't turn to face him. She didn't want to see his face in tears. She didn't want to fight herself on this one. She didn't want to fall into his arms and forget everything. She wanted him to leave her alone again.

'I don't want to cry. You are making me! Don't you see, you're not helping me Severus. I appreciate the effort, but leave me alone. Go away so I can find my footing again. I need to stand on my feet!' she tightened her fists.

His warm hand touched her shoulder gently and her body jerked inwards. Her eyes closed tight. 'Please don't touch me,' she wanted to sound commanding, but there was only a weak plead that came out of her rough vocal chords.

'I can't leave you, not again,' his breath caressed her ear and goosebumps ran down her arm.

'You are not made to stay with one woman Severus, even though I appreciate the effort. You would've been prepared to sacrifice your freedom only for her,' she trailed off and closed her eyes feeling the fight leaving her, draining all her energy.

His warm breath touched her cheek 'For whom?' he asked firmly. His fingers flexed on her shoulder and grasped her demandingly.

'Lily,' she whispered and trembled. She desperately wanted his hand off her shoulder and at the same time she wanted him to draw her inwards.

'I am not here for Lily, I am here for you!' he frowned heavily, but she didn't see the fire igniting in his black eyes.

'No, you don't know what you are saying. Everything that happened was because of her. It was because of her you never opened your heart to me, it was because of her that you left me so easily. She stopped you from giving me your intimacy. Everything was because of her. You left me because of her!' she pulled her shoulder away from his tight fingers.

His hand this time wasn't gentle. It was full of desire and want. It wasn't a touch of soft request. It was a gutting urge to pull her back to him. He span her around and her wavy hair rested on her chest. 'Hermione, I am here for you,' he lingered, unsure, afraid.

She looked at him searchingly and his wide palm cupped her cheek. The ball of his finger wiped some tears away softly. 'I am here today, because I love you' he frowned at her, wanting her to understand the uniqueness of his revelation. He had never spoke those words to a woman before. Not even to Lily.

The reaction was unexpectedly violent and she was unable to stop it. Her soul tore in half and her heart exploded with pain. She pulled herself away from him 'Liar!' she cried and slapped him full across the face 'I don't believe you! Don't you dare come close to me ever again!' she yelled and run away from him. _S_ he threw the door open and it crashed at the wall forcefully. Then she dashed down the corridor, uncaring of the students that stopped to check what happened.

 _How dare he lie to me like that? How can he expect me to believe him?_

She wanted to flee as far away from him as possible, because her knees were ready to give out and she didn't want to collapse at the feet of the only man that had broken in half.

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	43. Chapter 43

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Severus gazed shocked at the gaping door for a couple of painful moments. His hand touched his burning cheek and his heart raced. Even though her attitude warned him to stay away, he was not going to let her stop him. He dashed into the corridor after her in long decisive strides.

She was just a few feet away from him, struggling to pass through the groups of students that have formed. He painted a formidable frown on his brow and rushed through them with a momentum that made everyone step back. He created a pathway to her simply by the urgency that sipped out of his skin. The only thing on his mind was to find a way to stop her. To tell her how he felt again and this time make her believe it. She had to believe him 'Hermione STOP!' His deep voice bounced on the walls and made everyone freeze with it's gravity including her.

She remained still with her hand lingering above the railing of the staircase. Her cascading curls were shaking with the movement of her shoulders as she was trying to catch her breath.

He came up behind her, but stopped a second before his heavy hand fell on her shoulder. 'I told you the truth. What do I have to do to convince you, please tell me,' he whispered and felt lost.

'Your words are hardly enough anymore,' her voice was hoarse, uneven.

He swallowed heavily and gazed at his shoes for a few moments. Words were not enough anymore, were they? He could do more than words, he could show her that he was speaking the truth. He had a way. He retrieved his wand and called out his Patronus, loud enough to be heard by her, and all the students that were gawking at them. A blinding ray of misty light exploded from the tip of his long wand and his Mongoose formed perfectly above her. Hermione looked up and he heard her sharp inhalation. The Mongoose landed on the floor and sniffed around her shanks. Hermione took a step back only to be stopped by his body. When her back touched his chest she stiffened, but didn't make an attempt to get away from him this time. Her breath hitched and he felt her shoulders jerking.

'What is this?' she muttered, confusion pouring out of her.

'A mongoose,' he couldn't stop the small smile that formed on his lips. The Mongoose was circling Hermione, kept there by his command even though it was not really needed. He wanted her to feast on it, to understand. His eyes left the little bright magical creature and fell on the crook of her exposed neck. The need to bury his head there was so strong that he cringed. The master of propriety, the everlasting buttoned up gentleman, the prudent Professor Snape, didn't care that he was ready to ravage a younger Professor in front of a dozen, if not more, underaged students. He didn't care about anything else, but the woman in front of him.

She shook her head 'That's your Patronus?'

'Yes' he replied calmly. His long fingers reached out to take hold, but lingered with uncertainty.

'Where is the Doe?' she turned around demandingly, her eyes fiery, her mouth half open, her cheeks still streaming with tears.

He withdrew his hand respectfully. 'Back to it's original owner,' he swallowed a dry throat, feeling more anxious than he had been in years. Her spearing eyes unnerved him.

'I don't understand,' her words were barely audible.

His hand came up and cupped the crook of her beautiful neck and he was unwilling to stop it this time. His other hand cleared some stray hair at the side of her temple and she didn't make an attempt to get away from him. She was frozen in place, her body unresponsive except from her eyes. They were questioning and unsure, but desiring an answer from him. An explanation about the Patronus.

He took in another small step and then her body was flushed against his. His finger caressed the underside of her jawline and he felt her heart beat drumming in the palm of his hand. What she didn't know was that his heart was matching hers in speed and intensity. He tried to keep his voice equanimous even though his head was spinning and the world around her was whirling out of focus 'The Doe returned to Lily. A Patronus can change only through a great shock. When Lily died I changed my original Patronus to hers so I could never forsaken what I did to her and her family. I wanted them to haunt me forever and feed my guilt till the end of my days,' he whispered and leaned in her slowly.

'What are you telling me Severus?' She muttered, but when his wide palm pressed the base of her neck, her stomach bubbled up. Without wanting to resist him anymore, she saw the Mongoose sniffing around her legs, convincing her of the reality of his words and her body instantly opened up to him. Just like that. So easily. Like not one day had passed since they separated.

'When I almost passed away in front of the gates, my Patronus underwent another change. If I still loved Lily it would have remained a Doe, but it didn't. It returned back to my original Patronus, the silly little Mongoose. You know why Hermione?' His head dove down close to hers and their lips touched.

'Why?' Her breath hitched.

His warm lips caressed hers until her spine curled inwards. He captured her bottom lip with his mouth and kept it there for a few seconds. She felt his breath strained and yearned for him to answer, but he didn't. He kept her lower lip trapped between his teeth, in a small desperate attempt to hold her there.

Her hand touched his forearm in a gentle reassuring gesture 'Tell me,' she whispered and pulled away from him just barely. Just enough to speak. More tears streamed down her crimson cheeks. She needed to hear him again, she wanted to believe on his Mongoose. She wanted to be sure the Doe was gone once and for all. That their mutual infidelities were finished forever. That he had ended Lily like she had ended Mark. That he was free to be hers and that he loved her as he boldly proclaimed before. That this complicated relationship that started as mutual attraction, had some future in it.

'Because of you,' he frowned and his hand cupped her cheek gently.

'Severus?' she felt her kneecaps unlocking, but he kept her up and drew her in.

'Because I love you,' he whispered breathlessly and the ball of his finger touched the small ridges on her lips and traced them softly.

'Do you mean that you are ready to give up everything for me?' She frowned slightly.

His lips played with a loving smile 'More than everything. I will give up anything for you, my beautiful witch.'

Her frown deepened 'And I suppose that now I am expected to melt into your arms, ready to follow you wherever you lead me?' For the first time her lips broke into a faded smile under his fingertip.

He shook her head 'I expect you to lash out to me again and strike my other cheek. Getting slapped by you is becoming some sort of a trend,' his lips kissed the side of her mouth.

A small humph came from her, but she didn't draw back. She half closed her eyes and her mouth opened 'Do I dare believe you?' Her frown deepened and with it her fingers clutched his arm demandingly.

'You should,' he lingered and kissed the other side of her mouth. Her goosebumps moved at the side of her body that he was paying attention.

'What are you doing?' she asked breathless when his finger caressed under her earlobe with a gentleness that tightened up her knuckles.

'I want to kiss you, do you have a problem with that?' he replied with captivating sensuality.

A small fearful smile broke at the side of her mouth and melted onto his lips 'They can see us. Everyone can see us,' she whispered.

'I know,' he smiled.

'Don't you mind?' Her fingers traced up his arm, past his shoulder and touched his nape timidly at first.

'No,' he exhaled.

'Severus?' Her frown deepened and taking heart from his positive responses she entwined her fingers on the back of his head, relishing on the feel of his soft hair.

'Mmmm,' he murmured and a pair of hard teeth captured her bottom lip making her inhale sharply.

'Are you mine?' She whispered and her fingers tightened painfully on his hair.

He smiled 'Yes.'

She drowned a whimper of protest.

'Shh,' Severus hushed her before moving his finger under her earlobe and pressing his hand against her cheek. Giving her enough time to support and push herself up to him. His lips fell firm against hers, but the kiss was soft, gentle and slow. Reminding her of how it felt like exploring him after all these months of dryness. He held her in that gentleness for a few seconds before their lips moved cautiously. Hermione exhaled through her nose, not wanting to let go of this dream. Was he really here kissing her? Her entire body had been taken over by an overwhelming relief that washed away her previous anger. His hand moved to the back of her head, securing her there. His fingers tangled through long curls and his mouth relished on the fullness of her lips. He exhaled roughly through his nose, in a mixture of relief and need, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. His lips pressed hard on hers and deepened the kiss with a passionate demand that was hard to resist.

'I love you please believe me,' he whispered as their breaths battled.

'I want to believe you,' she murmured.

As his mouth demanded entrance into hers with bruising passion she felt her body lingering in heavenly bliss. Her knees got weak and she felt sick in a delicious way. Lightheaded she swayed onto his body and held onto him, wordlessly beginning him to stay with her forever. His kisses alternated from fast to slow, from needful and bruising to gentle and caring, not allowing her a second of breath, as if her exhalations were the very air he needed in order to live.

The students broke out into a hearty applause the moment they kissed, but she and him heard nothing more than their synchronised breaths and their drumming hearts. This was not simply a kiss. This was a kiss of reconciliation, of deep raw passion, of regret, of pain, of promises of more things to come and she felt it running down her back and spreading warmth all over her body. Warmth that gathered in heated waves at the pit of her stomach. And he kissed her endlessly until the world whirled in and out of focus, and she enjoyed each and every second of his loving attention, feeling starved for it.

After several minutes he pulled back and offered her time to breathe even though she didn't want it. 'Penny for your thoughts?' he asked smugly when he saw her flushed cheeks and her half open red lips.

'Why did you cut your hair so short?' she smiled and pecked the side of his mouth.

He gave her a small sad smile 'I wanted to shed my old hateful shelf once and for all by taking small steps. Why did you lose so much weight?'

'I had no one to cook for me,' she smiled widely and he laughed.

She rejoiced at his happiness, at the fact that he was in her arms, but the blazing heat that was pooling at the pit of her stomach attested that his fiery kisses ignited a need that lingered. That wanted more from him. Shifting sideways she looked at him, her eyes glistening under the candle lit corridors. She knew what was coming and shyly smiled at him. His hand left the back of her head and caressed her cheek again drawing her in. Suddenly she saw his eyes revealing more than any words could express. Her heart fluttered as he drew her in for another kiss that shifted the world under her feet in an almost magical way. Her lips parted and their breaths mingled again briefly, before she pulled away from him. He offered her a small protest, but she didn't hesitate. She turned towards the gathered students 'Show is over! Everyone back to your dormitories!' Her strong commanding tone send every single student scattering down the hallways, away from them.

He got ready to compliment her, but her hand grasped his and pulled him towards the Potions Classroom. She closed and warded the door behind him, queuing him on what to do next. He didn't disappoint. He fell on her like a pouncing tiger fell on it's prey and she relished his superior physical strength as he pushed her up against the door which rattled under the strain. Her legs wrapped around his hips and his head dipped down her throat, leaving hot trails of wet kisses that spread down her spine and onto the centre of her very being. The gutty moan that escaped her, made him groan with an unexpected loss of control she had been starving to see from him all this time. Her body shuddered in response and tears filled her eyes.

He picked her away from the door with an ease that surprised her and brought her over to her teaching desk that was full of student potions. His arms swept across the table and send all the unbreakable bottles to the floor. Then he placed her on the table and took firm hold of her hips as he rocked against her needfully, eliciting a happy exhalation from her.

 _Yes, Yes, that's what I've been wanting to see from you all this time!…_ her mind rejoiced at his undisguised lustful urge and got ready to give him everything he wanted and more. Not even caring that half an hour ago she was mad as hell at him. Her lips locked up to his softly even though he was spiralling out of control quickly. Her eyes closed fearlessly, feeling thick waves of love shearing through her. Her hand cupped the tense contours of his face as he dipped down her neck and ravaged her with his wet tongue and hard teeth. Nippling her prickly skin till her nipples became taut and dark. This felt too good to be true.

His hand pulled hers above her head and pinned them on the table with a firm gentleness that made her open up her legs wide for him. She wanted to slide her hands up his chest and encircle his neck, but he didn't allow her. His face got buried between her breasts and his teeth pulled away the soft material of her robes and shirt. She closed her eyes and threw her head back and his body rocked up on her, making her most intimate place come ablaze. He knew exactly what to do to elicit a response and she loved him for that. For much more than that. His free hand assisted his teeth and soon the cold air of the room caressed her tight and full breasts. His eyes lingered on them appreciatively for a second and then his tongue came out and lapped them generously.

Hermione squeaked and arched up to his touch, her hands twisting under his tight hold, trying to get free 'Severus please,' her exhalation was punctuated with a hard moan when his teeth closed around her hard nipple gently, sending her to heaven.

He smiled on her nipple and electricity shot down her core 'I've been waiting for this so long,' he murmured and moved up to her neck, offering a small nibble to every available patch of skin he could get a hold off.

She nodded her agreement 'Me too, don't stop.'

'I don't intend to,' his promise made her bite her lower lip and then his lips crushed upon hers demanding entrance. His kiss was heavy, almost animalistic and her hips rocked against his hardness in response. The relief he offered even though temporary and in need of quick repetition felt blissful on her lower region.

'Too many clothing between us,' she whispered and her breath hitched when he pulled back from her quickly and tore her shirt open to the waist. Buttons came flying off and bounced on the cold stone floor.

Her body prickled by the loss of his warmth and by the delicious pressure his hardness was offering on her aching core. Her now free hands went up to his coat and battled his in a desperate race to strip him down completely. They barely managed a good job, before his hand lifted up her layers of fabric, greedily searching to come in contact with her warm skin. She assisted him clumsily, groaning almost in frustration, but when she felt his calloused palm landing on her bare thigh she groaned in satisfaction and pulled him down to her.

His body pushed her up against the table and his lips landed on hers again, moving in perfect sync, generating more passion from her with each passing second. His fingers traced up her underwear and assisted her off of them, and his mouth lapped down her neck greedily until he paused just under her chin, panting uncontrollably. She inhaled sharply when she felt his long fingers running into her shamelessly. He spread her warm wetness around and his thumb found her clit and stroked it a couple of times making her gasp hard. Her fingers clutched him for life and her chest welled.

'I have to have you now,' his voice was broken, almost pleading but full of such dark tension that her stomach exploded with need.

'Yes, please,' she whispered not caring that she sounded equally needful. Her fingers fumbled down to his groin, trying to release him, but he was quicker and much more efficient. With a couple of twists of his hand his trousers fell down to his ankles and his underwear followed. His hips got buried between the ample layers of her fabrics and he kissed her chin lovingly 'I love you,' he whispered and then he eased himself into her gently, wanting to relish every single inch of her warmth.

Her eyes overflowed with tears and her hand grabbed firm hold of his hair pulling him up 'I love you too,' she exhaled and then his mouth landed on hers once more, insatiable almost ravenous for her gutty vocal responses as he began moving inside, spreading her apart.

Her hand flowed onto his open skin, drawing him close to her, hungrily. She felt his need, so intimate and loveable. It was the first time she was seeing him lose control over his actions in sex. He had abandoned himself on the moment as she had and it was ultimate pleasure to see his face distorted and his eyes shut tight as he ground on to her steadily. Their lips parted and clasped onto one another again and again as he pushed inside her and she lifted her hips to meet his deep thrusts. The heat flowed through her body, up her chest and down her extremities and she didn't know were reason ended and fantasy began.

'Do you believe me now?' he whispered breathless and her eyes opened up to see him staring down at her. His eyes were dilated from lust, his mouth half open. Some longer strands of black sleek hair covered his sweaty brow and his breath was laboured as he rocked above her. The honest abandonment of his eyes melted her heart.

'I do,' she murmured and sobbed. Wanting to beg him to hold her tight so she could empty her emotions on him, and to also rock her to heaven until she came apart under him. In the end she did neither. She simply offered her body to his loving touch. Her legs opened up wide and her toes curled inwards in expectation as her core wound up quickly. Her head fell back to the rough wooden surface and she closed her eyes tight. Her mind slipped back when she was a student under him.

 _Yes, under him…_ her mind drooled and she gasped as he picked up speed 'More, please,' she begged.

She remembered him standing next to his teaching desk, cold, derisive, dark as the blackest, starless night, staring into her very soul with those lofty frozen eyes. Scaring her into silence. Standing next to same table that she was spread open on with him buried between her thighs rocking her steadily to heaven. She hissed under those dirty little thoughts and her nails dug deep into the skin of his shoulder blade urging him to go faster before her mouth opened up to voice her need. He obliged and her thighs tightened around him and trembled. He hissed when he felt her twitching around him and bit on her neck. His hands strong and decisive pulled her legs apart in order to achieve better penetration and she melted into the earth.

'Don't ever leave me again,' she cried and felt tilting at the edge of a precipice. Her eyes streamed with tears and her open mouth tasted them salty and bittersweet. Her hand unclothed his back and cupped his cheek. She forced her eyes open and bore them onto him. Wanting to confirm that it was him making love to her. Him spiralling her body out of control quickly. The man she loved so deeply. Wanting to make sure that this man would never leave her again.

'Never my love,' he frowned and she saw his eyes watering too. She was unable to believe that this cold hearted man was able to cry tears of promise in the arms of the woman he was making love to. Her heart embraced every inch of his and she felt one with him. The words that left her mouth were not thought off properly, but she didn't care. She pulled him down to her and whispered into his ear 'Marry me.'

The answer was quick and spontaneous 'Yes, my heart, yes!' he gasped and his thrusting intensified. His words and his rocking send a white bolt of pleasure exploding inside her core and she fell off the edge with a cry of pleasure that resounded into the classroom. Her extremities wrapped around him tightly as her body jerked and twitched with her release and he abandoned himself, thankful that he lasted long enough to please her. His pleasure slammed on him hard and fast and he buried his head on the crook of her neck, muffling his guttural groans of pleasure into her warm and prickly skin.

They didn't stop grinding against each other for several minutes and after that it took them many more to calm down their breaths. He didn't pull out from inside her and she didn't push him out either. He remained there placid and satiated as she caressed his sweaty hair away from his forehead. His fingers were drawing circles around her hips.

'You really came back to rock my world, didn't you?' she whispered close to his ear.

He pulled back and looked at her. Tired and sweaty but so peaceful. His smile brightened up his whole face. 'It was you that rocked my world and I thank you deeply for doing so.'

She laughed softly. 'I did, didn't I? I never meant to, but I was just,' she lingered and searched for words.

'You were you. Brilliant Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age. You blew my darkness to kingdom come and now look where all this landed you,' he frowned.

'Right into your arms. Right where I always wanted to be,' she replied tenderly.

'Always?' he whispered.

She nodded 'Yes.'

He kissed the side of her mouth gently 'Me too,' he admitted.

'Really? I thought it took more to bring you down. Like almost a whole year,' she bit her lower lip playfully.

He frowned 'I was yours since the beginning, you were just too blind to see.'

'I was in between two worlds Severus, please don't blame me. It was very hard to balance through everything that has happened,' her eyes became immensely sad.

'I know, that's why I never showed you more than you could handle. I was trying to look after what was best for you,' he said quietly.

'And you thought you were not in my best interest?' Her brow creased.

'I wasn't, I still am not sure I am,' he stopped feeling uncertain.

She felt her heart tightening with something familiarly painful. 'You promised to never leave me again.' Her voice took on a warning shade.

'I won't leave you, but that won't automatically make things easy for us,' his thumb caressed her cheekbone tenderly.

Her body unwound 'I know, but we need to try. We cannot let this go to waste. Severus, I want you in my life and I am in for the full package,' she cupped his nape reassuringly.

'Me too my beautiful witch,' he smiled at her and his finger traced her nose up to her sweaty forehead. He cleaned some locks away from it 'Even though I am slightly apprehensive about sharing my life with anyone.'

She blushed vividly. 'You will need some help and that gives me a purpose! Lovely!' she exclaimed and brushed her lips against the warm skin of his scarred neck.

He shuddered visibly. 'Understand that this is all new to me Hermione. I've never committed myself to another person so intimately as I want to do with you. There wasn't a woman that wanted me to try more than you,' he said and his eyes were so openly honest that she was deeply touched.

Her fingers tightened around his cheek 'Did you realise what you told me when we were making love, or was your affirmative answer a consequence of losing your mind over me?'

He bit his lower lip 'Your orgasmic overload will always reduce me to a stuttering fool, but I assure you that I know very well what I answered and the gravity of it. Although now that I came down from the roller coaster, I am thinking about it a little more seriously,' he teased.

'You are not serious!' she growled at him, but her smile was firm in place.

His grave eyes passed above every inch of her face, taking in it with leisure. He wanted to believe that she was there, in his arms, his future wife. That he had an opportunity to make up for his lost and forgotten days. That he was free of his dark past, at least partly. 'Never! You are mine!' He gritted his teeth and pressed his lips on her firmly.

'And you are mine!' she rejoined and her lips opened up when his tongue demanded entrance. Their kiss was slow, explorative and gentle to the point of tears. His hands tightened around her waist and their breaths became entangled. She reciprocated his touch and run her nails down his side making him groan into her mouth. She felt him becoming fuller inside her once more and mewled with pleasure.

'Severus, please tell me something,' she asked carefully when after several minutes he finally pulled back and rested his forehead on her cheek.

'Anything,' he whispered.

She hesitated but the need to know the truth prevailed. The beating of Mark and Severus's reappearance felt too deliberate and too closely timed to be coincidental. 'The papers had an article today about my ex-fiancee. Apparently he got a rather nasty beating near his parent's home yesterday. He is hospitalised in the ER unit of St. Mungo with serious damage on his face and throughout his whole body,' she said with a steady voice, waiting for him to pick up.

He didn't 'So?'

'Did you do it?' she asked, but the question felt too accusing and too rude so she hurried to change the tone. 'It feels too deliberate that you returned right after his brutal beating,' she tried again.

'What do I have to do with your ex fiancee?' he asked calmly.

'Nothing I suppose. I don't know. I mean you have it in you. I love you dearly, but I know that you have it in you. Please, don't misunderstand me,' she sounded uncertain.

'I won't misunderstand anything, but tell me, was there a reason for me to beat him up?' he asked looking amused.

She licked her lips uncertain 'No I suppose not.'

'You suppose?' he raised his brow.

She forced a smile 'No I mean, of COURSE not'.

'You are really not good at lying, you know that don't you?' he asked with a soft smile.

Her breath hitched and she pushed him back 'Oh Gods, you did it!' she exclaimed.

He smirked 'I did nothing'.

'Severus!' she demanded.

'Hermione!' His playful smirk was pissing her off.

'Look at me,' she said again.

'I cannot stop looking at you,' he pinched her side and she yelped.

'Severus!' she slapped his shoulder.

'We know each other's names pretty well. That's clear enough,' he laughed and pinned her hand to her side.

'You did it! Didn't you?' she repeated with a deep frown.

'I am innocent, I assure you' he smiled.

'Fucking hell Severus, he is comatose! What did you do?' Her mouth dropped open.

He paused with a small frown on his well formed brows 'You sound regretful.'

She shook her head quickly 'No, don't misunderstand me. He deserved his comeuppance to the last iota!'

'Why did he deserve it?' he asked.

She fumed and bit on her lip. Not only was he not giving her a clear answer, he was almost at the brink of making her speak. 'If I reveal a secret, will you reveal one too? It's only fair,' she looked at him eagerly.

He quirked his lips 'I might consider it. Depends on how you place the upcoming questions.'

She inhaled and gave him a decisive nod 'He deserved his comeuppance, because was rotten inside out. Nothing more than an abuser. Okay now?'

He raised his brow 'Okay.'

'Now your turn,' she raised her brow.

'Choose your question carefully,' he said calmly.

She nodded 'Do you feel he deserved what he got?'

... _from you..._ she wanted to add, but omitted it. He was not going to answer to her with a plain yes or no, but seemed willing to do it indirectly.

'He got what he deserved and more,' he flicked his brow at her 'Okay now? Satisfied my fair witch?'

Her eyes filled with tears 'My darling,' she whispered and felt a sob rising in her throat.

'Shh,' his finger covered her mouth. 'I don't think he will ever come close to you again Hermione,' he reassured her.

She buried her head on the crook of his neck and her lips kissed his deep scars 'Severus,' she lingered and weeped not knowing what to tell him.

'What did he do to you?' he frowned and cupped the back of her head drawing her in protectively.

'Much less than you did to him,' she sniffed and his fingers caressed her nape tenderly.

'I am not so sure,' she didn't see the darkness dawning in his eyes.

She pressed his shoulder urgently 'Severus, _who_ told you?'

'Does it really matter?' he pulled back and searched her eyes.

She sighed and felt the ball of his finger wiping away her tears. Her heart overflowed with love. 'No, it doesn't.'

'Why didn't you come to me first?' he looked at her gravely.

'I thought you didn't want me anymore. Everything was so hard at that point. I didn't even want to think about you, much less share my troubles,' her breath caught and her voice broke.

He drew her head onto his chest 'What have I done to you?' He whispered and felt his eyes welling up.

Her forearms wrapped firmly around his shoulders. 'You've taught me how to love Severus! You've taught me that I have to let go of myself in order to experience true love. You taught me how it feels to trust your heart in the hands of another,' she said with a strong passionate voice that resonated through his spine.

'I almost destroyed us,' he muttered.

'The past doesn't matter anymore. We are here together now,' she smiled and kissed his collarbone.

He pulled back 'It was you that gave me the strength to rise above the circumstances.'

'Me?' Her brows furrowed, but she didn't want to pull back to see his eyes. She wanted her lips to rub against his warm skin and feel his steady heartbeat echoing through her chest.

'You made me want to stop running away from the world,' he said quietly.

'When you talked to the reporters you mean?' she asked and her fingers got buried under his shirt and caressed his skin that prickled in response.

'I thought you didn't read any news concerning me,' he frowned amused.

'I was lying,' her nails run down his back suggestively and he tensed inside her.

'Indeed, when I spoke to the reporters. That day I thought I lost you forever and something snapped inside me,' he rested his cheek on the top of her head and his eyes got lost in the fallen Potions bottles on the floor.

'What was it?' she asked him calmly.

'If I had my freedom, if I had a job, money and a house, I would have claimed you. I loved you so much that I couldn't live without you. Fiancee or not I was going to claim you. Despite my dark past or the age difference, but I had nothing. I could offer you anything. You on the other hand, had everything. My running away got exposed for all it's infamous glory and anger consumed me. When I understood that what made me loose you and run away from them, were the same thing I became mad. Angry at them, but mostly at myself. I decided to go through them and reclaim my freedom as a small thank you for what you've done for me since I came back. For all your dedication to help me revive. For all your willingness to help me smile and for all your eagerness to let me have a glimpse into your heart. Everything I did after that point was because of you,' his words were heartfelt.

Her tears run hot down her cheeks and she wiped them on his chest 'Your words make this so real.'

'Hermione, I am a hard man, not prone to romantic drivel, yet listen to me now. I never thought a woman would twist me out of shape like this,' he admitted.

'I don't think you are as hard as you want others to believe,' she smiled.

'Don't judge me by the way I am treating you,' he warned.

'Your actions speak louder than any words, and not only with me,' she pulled back and found his eyes.

'What do you mean?' he inquired knitting his brows.

 _You really don't like looking sensitive do you?_

'What you did with Harry was admirable,' she lingered with a soft smile on her lips.

His lips twisted 'I assure you that what I did with Mr. Potter had nothing to do with sensitivity and everything to do with obligation,' he flattened the whole deal to the ground.

'Why so. You didn't like him, so why feel obliged to him about anything?' Her brow rose.

'I couldn't allow him to believe his mother a whore. Give me some credit Hermione' he shook his head abhorred even at the suggestion.

She laughed 'Why give him the bracelet then?'

'It belonged to him,' he replied.

'Lily gave it to you,' she retorted.

'She gave it to me too long ago. It didn't belong to me anymore,' his eyes looked at a small drop of sweat running down the side of her temple and getting trapped between her curls.

'Why?'

He came down and their lips touched 'Because my heart belonged to another woman,' he whispered and opened up her lips. His kiss this time was rough and suggestive, inflicting sensations she had never thought possible to feel. Sensations only he could ignite in her body time and time again, endlessly. She mewled her agreement to his probing feeling him filling her out slowly and her lower region twitched in need. He smiled knowingly on her lips and then pulled back.

She smiled sweetly at him. 'I suppose you threw that goodbye token away.'

'No,' he frowned 'It was what kept me going on.'

She licked her lips and touched his chest 'What?'

'It was the only thing I had to remind me of you. How could I ever give it up?' he replied softly.

'What did you do with it?' she asked.

'It's in a small golden frame, above my fireplace,' he smiled at her.

She smiled widely and bit her lower lip. Her hips bucked up against his hardness that was now stretching her. She shuddered with gratification 'Your fireplace?' she asked softly.

He exhaled and pushed gently in her 'In my house.'

Her eyes flickered closed and her palm rested on his chest soothingly 'Which is where?'

'Ireland' he said pulling out again slowly, making her feel like this stroke was never going to end.

'You are Ginny's Irish uncle?' Her laugh was punctuated with a soft moan.

'What?' he asked and lowered his hand on her neck.

'Never mind, magical or muggle world?' she threw her head back and her hands cupped his buttocks wanting to draw him in deeper.

His teeth caught some skin and he sucked it in sensually 'Muggle.'

She inhaled sharply and bucked up to him as he pushed in her deeply 'Don't tell me you own a car.'

'Motorcycle and bicycle. Will that do?' he asked suggestively and his hand cupped her breast, his forefinger and thumb trapping her taut nipple between them and twisting it and her out of reason.

Her mind fogged up 'Fuck yes, that will do it.' She wasn't thinking about his muggle machinery at that point.

He smiled down at her 'I aim to please.'

'Do you want me to come to Ireland with you?' she asked trying to think seriously, even though his steady deep thrusts were making her brain malfunction. Her nails dug onto his hips.

'Fuck,' he hissed on her neck and pushed hard in her. Then he stopped moving 'No, I will follow you to the place of your choice.'

'Even here in Hogwarts?' She asked and her mouth dropped open when he pulled out slowly and then slammed in her again possessively. Her heart was pounding in her ears.

'Yes, if that's your choice,' he didn't disappoint.

'Even though your first choice was far away from the wizarding world?' One hand remained locked on his buttocks, her nails digging mercilessly on his tight muscles as he thrust in her and the other came up and cupped the back of his head.

'Yes' the strong reply.

'With everyone putting you under a magnifying glass? Exposing our life?' she groaned and fought to keep her eyes locked with his.

'Yes, with all that' he frowned at her.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes again 'Faster Severus.'

He gritted his teeth as he laboured above her 'You are the sweetest trouble of my life, my beautiful witch.'

'I am trouble _?'_ she brought her lips close to his and felt his speed picking up.

'Double trouble, sweet Circe,' he groaned and his hand cupped her breast.

'Double?...' she raised her brow and licked her bottom lip.

'Root of mandrake dug at night, when the moon is full and bright,' he thrust in and she bucked on him with a hard moan. 'Slip of yew and twig of fern, make the fire dance and burn,' his teeth played with the soft skin on her jawline. 'For our will it will be done, when the hurlyburly's done,' his free hand took hold of hers and brought it above her head as he slammed in her balls deep. She threw her head back and a guttural moan echoed in the classroom. 'Double double _trouble you_ , bubble in a witches' brew,' he pulled in her earlobe and all her side pricked up deliciously.

Her mind had departed in beautiful untouched worlds by then, following the fiery heat that was gathering in the pit of her stomach waiting to be released. 'Shakespeare again?' She murmured breathlessly.

'Macbeth,' he leaning over her mouth.

'You know what Professor?' she forced her eyes open and drew in his bottom lip, trapping it between her teeth.

'What?'

'It isn't your potions that can ensnare the senses, but you,' she exhaled and took him in a deep kiss that drew them inwards and downwards, unraveling them quickly. His rocking slowly turned out ferocious and ravenous and then a blinding ray of light that consisted of their magic exploded out of them. Their magic slipped out of their bodies in beautiful colours and enveloped them as they lay there upon the desk making love. His bluish hue entangled with her orange ripples creating a magical dance of colours and light as they passed through the threshold of their previous life holding hands, and took a bold step onwards to the unknown.

 _THE END_

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A/N:

-Finally this is over. I am glad it is out of my hands. It is not the same to write a story from the start and re-write an older one. The new story has a magic of it's own as it develops into something you didn't intend most of the times and draws you into new exciting worlds -stories have a life of their own, believe me-. Re-writing something you know well is not the same and can become very tedious.

-Thank you for all the reviews. As I said previously I am not chatty, but I appreciate every single word from you people.

- **'One less reader',** that stood out to me. Every reader for me is important. You are the ones that make me -and every other Author I am sure- want to try harder. So one less reader IS important, but unfortunately I cannot please all. Primarily one starts a story to satisfy their own needs and people join in. At some point people might get dissatisfied when their view of the story doesn't fit that of the Author. That is okay by me.

-I have never written an epilogue for this one and I don't think it needs one. If you think otherwise give me a review and I might consider it.

-Bye bye for now. Till later. Love you all, from the heart *.*

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